25. Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Days later...

In Boston

"I'll call as often as I can."

"Ok."

"I mean it Lilah. Make sure your phone is charged."

"Got it."

"No voicemail, well unless you don't have your phone at the time."

"Alright."

"When we can't talk we'll text ok?"

"Yup."

"And..."

"Justin! We'll keep in touch! Go!" I laugh.

Sighing, he swipes his fingers through his curls as he eyes me.

"I'm going to miss you." He pouts. "Tell your folks I'll miss them too."

"I know they'll miss you. They love you." I state. "And, I'll miss you too, but I'm going to see you in two weeks!" I giggle.

"That's a long ass time Lilah." He says sadly.

"Think about it this way. In two weeks, I'll be out in California with you. And then not long after, the semester's gonna be starting up." I explain. "We'll have plenty of time to be together Justin, now go before you miss your flight." I smile.

"I can't miss my flight. The pilot's waiting on me." He beams proudly.

"Isn't he still on some time schedule?" I question and Justin's smile falls.

"He is." He says softly.

Aw, he's too cute.

"Don't worry, J. I'll be in Cali before you know it." I coo, walking with him through the terminal to his gate in the airport with Mike and Marco close behind chatting.

I'm trying not to be all sappy here, but I am going to miss him...a lot. Justin's not making this any easier either with his whining.

"I've been meaning to ask you something." Justin suddenly blurts out, stealing glances at me.

"Shoot." I voce as we make it to his departure gate.

I'm really not allowed this far into the airport since I'm not traveling but when you have someone like Justin around, almost anything goes. He literally insisted to the guards that I came this far with him. I can't believe they agreed. One even got Justin's autograph.

"About your tattoo." Justin begins, trying to hold back his chuckles when I give him a death glare.

"Don't even...took you long enough." I sigh, surprised that he didn't bring it up the very first time he witnessed it...or more them.

"Paw prints on your lower abdomen, just above your hair line Lilah? I'm sorry; I've been holding that in ever since we..." But he drifts, his ears turning a bright shade of pink.

"What do you want to know about them Justin?" I giggle at his embarrassment.

He clears his throat, shifting his weight on his feet. "Nothing...nothing at all. I like them." He nods, changing his mind about whatever question he must have been itching to ask me for days now.

"Ok then. Well, if that's all, you should go." I give him a light nudge and his eyes widen before he grips my wrist to stop me.

"I told you I'd get to see your tats one day." Justin says triumphantly with a large grin on his face.

I roll my eyes, emitting a soft groan. "And you did. Now please Justin. Why are you dragging this out? You're killing me here."

"But I don't want to go." He pouts yet again, releasing his hold on me. "Why are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Oh my god I'm not! But you're making this harder when you keep stalling. You know you have to go. Don't make Mike haul you away. He looks like he's about to do just that."

After I say that, Mike walks up to us and sure enough, he places his hand on Justin's shoulder. "J, we need to go now. Delilah, take care of yourself. I'll see you again soon." Mike speaks up and I nod, giving him a wave.

I divert my attention back to Justin just in time to see his irritation over the fact that Mike is pushing him to walk.

"Ugh! Damn it! Fine, fine get off me!" Justin chuckles, brushing Mike off. "Bye Lilah. I'll call." Justin says, bidding me farewell before he turns around to leave.

"Justin wait!" I call out, rushing up to him.

When he spins around I lunge myself into his arms, giving him the tightest hug I can. He hugs me back, dipping his head in the groove of my neck. "Safe flight. Let me know when you reach home." I whisper in his ear before pulling away and putting some distance between us.

He glares at me for a bit, his face expressionless before he nods lightly and silently turns to leave.

When Justin and Mike disappear out of sight I heave a sigh, shaking my head sadly.

"He's grown on you huh?" Marco asks, walking up to stand next to me.

I turn to look at my brother, noting the smile on his face.

"I wish that weren't the case." I voice pathetically.

Actually, being fond of Justin isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

"But he did. And for that, I can't hate him, not unless he hurts you. But, judging by what I've seen, I don't think he will." Marco states.

Hmm. "Sure." I shrug, whipping around to leave. "You coming? We have grocery shopping to do before mom and dad get home with Ryan." I voice, walking away.

Marco quickly catches up to me as we make our way out of the airport.

As we walk in silence, I can't help but allow my mind to run wild.

Justin was here...he actually came out to visit me on our summer break. He dropped everything just to be with me. He ended up confessing that he loves me. And, when we slept together, it was amazing.

Every promise I made to myself, every wall I built, every rule I set for myself, they all fell apart. I don't think Justin even knows that he's managed to shatter almost every single protective shield I had surrounding me. Now I'm exposed, and I should be terrified, but surprisingly I'm not. In fact, it's not so bad, allowing myself to care, to feel and be in touch with my emotions again. It's not so bad just taking things as they come without over thinking everything. It's definitely not as stressful and bothersome. And I have Justin to thank for that.

And I will, when I see him again. I would have told him before he left, but I kind of need the extra time to prep myself for this step I'm about to take. This is major for me and I need to make sure that I'm ready. Because when I head out to visit Justin in a few weeks, I have every intention of finally just letting go of all my doubts and fears and telling him exactly how I feel.

Hopefully, he'll be happy about that and at the same time, I'll get to learn about the side of him that's loved by millions.

But, first thing's first. I need to develop a plan of action on how I'm going to put my past to rest because I'll be damned if I allow Ethan to ruin my chance at happiness again or cause anymore problems for my family.

****

Hours Later

California

Justin's Place

"I'm home...finally."

Sighing, I amble into my house then close and lock the front door behind me.

It's been a long day...no doubt.

I'm actually kind of bummed out too. Yes, it's because I miss Lilah. As stubborn and as infuriating as she can be sometimes, I miss her. Because she's also kind, caring and can be the biggest clown when she wants to be. I think she's amazing and no matter what anyone else thinks, how I feel about her is what's most important to me.

Groaning, I dump my luggage by the foot of my stairs, too tired to even attempt to carry them upstairs to my room. Eh, I'll get them tomorrow.

I inhale deeply, a lazy smile stretching across my face. Ah, this is perfect...pure silence.

I specifically asked for no one to be home when I got in and I appreciate that they respected my wishes.

I'm not up for Trace and Rachel's nosey ass selves. I'm lucky my mom is in Tennessee because if she was here, I'd not hear the end of it. That is maybe why I haven't exactly told her much about Lilah. I mean, she knows I met a girl at school who was showing me around and all that, but she doesn't know much else. And, I'm going to keep it that way until my mom understands that Jess and I are never getting back together.

She still thinks of Jess as a daughter and how fucking awkward would things be if I brought Lilah into the mix? No, no I need to cut Jess loose completely and make sure that my mom gets the picture else bringing Lilah around will only cause chaos.

I have two weeks to work a miracle on my mom and sway her before Lilah comes to visit. That shouldn't be so hard right? Right.

As I move around my home, I switch on a few lights before I feel my cell phone buzz in my jeans pocket. Seconds later, the ringtone starts blaring, piercing through the silent atmosphere.

Letting out a soft grunt, I pull it out and read over the text messages I just received from Trace.

"Yow J. I hope you're back safe by now. Give me a call when you can ok? I'm stopping by tomorrow so we can head down to the office and go over some sketches for the new fall line of WR. Oh and just so you know, Esmee's tour is going great. Don't forget her performances taking place here in a few weeks. Also, Johnny called. He said to make sure that you come in to see him when you get back. They finalized everything for you to hit the studio when you get back to New York for your last semester at that school. You just need to give him and Rihanna's people your schedule since you'll be one of the producers working with her on her new album. Alright man, later. T."

"Great." I mutter, tossing my phone onto the table in the hallway right next to the staircase. "The work never ends. Even on my summer break I'm working." I mumble. "Then, when October rolls around, I have the big Shriner's golf tournament to oversee. Shit." I hiss. I almost forgot about that too. It's not my fault this year has been very different for me.

It's like my life has been thrown off balance. I don't even know how I'm going to pull that tournament and benefit concert off when I have to be at Higher Heights during that time. Shit, shit, shit...I'll have to think of something.

Before I can allow my thoughts to roam freely, I hear what sounds like a metal object drop from somewhere upstairs.

The clinging sound it makes echoes loudly before silence takes over again.

A frown graces my face and I move around to grab one of my golf clubs from the closet.

Casting my vision to the staircase, I say a silent prayer and quickly make my way upstairs, hoping that I'm not faced with burglars or something.

As I make my way down the hall, I notice that my bedroom light is on and my steps falter as my heartbeat speeds up.

"What the hell?" I whisper.

Slowly, cautiously, I push the door to my room open and walk inside, the faint smell of peaches filling my nostrils.

My head snaps in the direction of my bathroom door when I hear the water cut off. Seconds later, the door swings open and my eyes widen when a figure emerges amidst the steam.

"God that hurt." The person whines, and I'm immediately taken aback by the sight before me.

"Jess?" I ask in shock, my tight grip on the golf club remaining as I lower my hand.

A startled shriek escapes her as she jumps around to face me, dropping the metal towel rod in her hand. Well, that would explain the noise I heard. How in the world did she even manage to root it off the wall? I'm thinking she tripped and gripped it to try and keep her balance or something.

But, that's not important right now. What's important is that there's a very wet, very naked Jessica standing in my room only wrapped in one of my white towels.

"Oh, Justin, you scared me." She places her hand on her chest and I'm just standing there, glowering at her.

"What...what..." I drift, utterly stunned by her presence. What the fuck is going on? "Why are you here?" I finally manage to get out.

"Oh um...right." She voices nervously, bowing her head.

My eyes narrow as they travel over her frame. Subconsciously, I lick my lips before meeting her gaze, waiting for some type of explanation.

"You're home early. I wasn't expecting you until later." She says shyly.

"Uh...ok?" I make a hand gesture for her to elaborate.

"I'm sorry. I, I only wanted to surprise you." She caves.

"How did you even get in here?" I inquire.

"I let myself in." She smiles at me. "I have a key, remember?"

"Right..." I drawl. I forgot I gave her one back when we were dating. Note to self, get locks changed as soon as possible. "And you came here..."

"To surprise you." She reiterates, looking at me strangely.

"I get that. But why? And surprise me how exactly?" I swallow hard when she walks up to me, closing the gap between us.

My heartbeat picks up speed when I get a whiff of whatever soap she showered with. Shit, she shouldn't be here.

"Well uh..." Jess bites her bottom lip as she looks up at me. "I was hoping to be in bed by the time you got in. I wanted to surprise you and was hoping we'd get to talk." She coos. She gestures towards my bed and my blues immediately land on a black lingerie set.

I was so focused on the noise I heard when I came in I didn't even notice that lying there.

No...no, no, no...this is not happening. This is bad. This is very, very bad.

"In other words, you were hoping to seduce me and get me right where you wanted me." I snap at her.

"Guilty." She shrugs and I curve a brow in interest.

"What exactly were you hoping to accomplish from this Jess?" I ask, taking a step away from her.

I lift my golf club and place it in front of me, tapping the floor with it to stop her advances.

"I don't know Justin." She relents. "I...I missed you and was hoping that you missed me too. I don't know what I was expecting really. I do know that when Trace said you were out of state for a few days I figured it would be as good a time as any to try and talk to you when you got back. To really talk about us and..."

"Us?" I ask in disbelief. "Jess, there hasn't been an ‘us' for a while now."

"I know that, but I was hoping I could...convince you to change your mind?" She says in a small voice.

"Right...by seducing me." I remind her and she nods, guilty.

Sighing, I rub at my face to ease my nerves and my rampant heartbeat. "I don't know how you could be so stupid to think that shit would work..."

"It has in the past!" She defends and I frown.

"Maybe. But Jess, we were a couple then. Now, now is different. And I really think you should leave before this goes any further. I can't deal with this now. I'm fucking drained and I need some sleep." I explain, my thoughts drifting to Lilah.

"But it doesn't have to be different Justin! Things could go back to the way they were...the way they're supposed to be. If you'd simply give this a chance...you'll see." She says determined, her eyes shining with hope.

Dear god, why me? Why now?

"Jess, stop." I scold her when she grips my hand and pulls the golf club from my grasp, tossing it to the side. "Don't." I warn her again, gritting my teeth.

"It's ok." She murmurs, walking into my embrace and wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me into a hug. "I know you miss me too Justin." She continues and again, I'm just standing there, frozen.

No, she's wrong. She's not the one I'm missing right now. It's not her.

"Jess." I sigh, my hands moving to grip her waist tightly.

"Yes?" She responds in anticipation.

I swallow hard before licking at my dry lips, willing myself to walk away and leave my room now before I do something I'll regret. "I..." I pause when I feel my dick twitch at the fact that Jess's body is pressed firmly against mine. "I...I can't...I'm sorry." I force out, using the grip I have on her waist to push her away until there's enough space between us.

I quickly take a few steps back until I'm standing right next to my door not missing the look of confusion on her face as I do this.

"Wait...what? Justin, what are you doing? I don't understand. I...I thought you loved me." Jess says in bewilderment.

I shake my head, momentarily breaking eye contact with her as I gather my thoughts. "You're right, I did love you...still do. But, Jess, I'm not in love with you...not anymore. And, you're not the one I miss either." I explain.

Her face falls by my words as she shakes her head in protest.

"You don't mean that."

"I do. I thought we talked about this? Jessica, listen to me, we're not getting back together ok? We're not because...because I'm in love with someone else. I'm sorry. " I blurt out.

She looks at me, clearly not surprised as her eyes begin to gloss over with unshed tears. "I knew it." She says weakly. "I knew it."

She takes in a deep breath, straightening her posture as she grips onto her towel. "So, who is she? Will I get to meet her?" She inquires and I frown deeply.

Jess wants to meet Lilah? Yeah, like I'll ever allow that to happen.

"I can't talk about this now Jess." I say stubbornly, feeling like shit over the fact that she's on the verge of tears right now.

"Of course." She mutters bitterly.

"I truly am sorry Jess. But, you can't be here right now either." I explain and she gasps. "Listen, I have a call I need to make." I begin, remembering I left my phone downstairs. "I'm going to leave you to get dressed. Make sure that you're done and ready to leave by the time I get back. I mean it Jess. I have shit to do tomorrow, I can't entertain this now. I need to get some rest. Come back tomorrow and we'll sort this out ok?" I try to reason with her.

Not waiting for her reply, I quickly whip around and exit my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

I take a few steps before pausing to rest against the wall and take in a deep breath. Exhaling, I slick my fingers through my hair, shutting my eyes tightly to contain my composure.

I had to walk away. I had to. I couldn't do that myself or to Lilah. But fuck it was difficult to do. Even now as I pick up on Jess's faint whimpers, I can't help but realize that she still has some kind of effect on me. I didn't think it was possible since I'm positive I'm over her.

But I guess it's because I still care about her.

Shit, this is not how I wanted things to play out. This is not how I wanted to get my feelings out to Jess. This is only going to cause tension and bitterness between us if she can't accept that I've moved on. Damn it, sometimes I hate my life.

But, fuck it.

I'll deal with this mess later. Now, now I call Lilah to let her know that I'm safe so she doesn't end up calling the airport and cussing them out.

Knowing her, she will if she doesn't hear from me soon.

Forgetting about the fact that my ex is still up in my room right now probably crying her eyes out as she gets dressed, I quickly rush for my phone and flip it open only to see two missed calls from Lilah.

"Shit..." I hiss. I hope she hasn't called the airport yet.

I instantly hit redial before heading into my backyard, the chilly night's air hitting my warm skin and cooling it.

"I thought you died in a car crash or something since the airport said your flight arrived on time."

I chuckle when Lilah's voice filters through the line.

"Glad to know you're concerned about my wellbeing." I cackle.

"Whatever." She giggles. "But you're ok right?" She asks, her voice laced with concern, causing my chuckles to increase.

"See, I knew you cared. I'm fine, in one piece and everything." I joke.

"Good. So how was your flight?"

"It was good. I'm kind of jetlagged though. And I have a long day at the office tomorrow with Trace."

"Damn."

"Tell me about it." I sigh.

"Well, don't let me keep you. Get some rest and I'll talk to you tomorrow." Lilah speaks up.

"I don't mind..." But she cuts me off.

"Go rest Justin. Tomorrow." She coos and I nod even if she can't see me.

"Ok."

"Goodnight."

"Night Lilah." I say softly. "Hey Lilah?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." I whisper into the line, my grip tightening on the phone pressed against my ear.

"I know." She utters after a brief pause. "Bye Justin."

"Bye."

I end the call and flip my phone shut.

I nearly jump when I hear someone clear their throat from somewhere behind me.

Turning around, I meet Jess's gaze, her face emotionless as she grips her side bag.

"Just letting you know that I'm leaving." She states and I nod, remaining mute. "You don't have to walk me out; I'll lock the door on my way out." I nod again. "Well, uh, goodnight Justin." With that said she turns around and quietly leaves.

I'm wondering why I didn't see her car parked in my driveway when Mike dropped me off earlier, but now that I think about it, she must have parked it in the garage to not spoil her surprise. Huh, well, so much for that.

I guess I'll be changing the security code to my front gate as well so something like this doesn't happen again.

As my eyes adjust to the darkness and I scan my backyard, I can't help but smile...not because I got to hear Lilah's voice over the phone and not because I'm proud of myself that I walked away from Jess. No, I'm smiling right now because I can, because I'm in love and because I'm fully aware that anything could happen to wipe that smile off my face. So I'm not going to take any chances. I'm going to indulge in the happiness I'm feeling and ride it out for as long as possible. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that nothing lasts forever and while I'm going to do everything in my power to discredit that, I'm also going to be prepared if I should fail.

I can only hope for the best, especially when Lilah finally gets sucked into my world, which I know will happen...eventually.