23. Confession Time [Part 2]

There's a tiny part of me that's hoping, maybe wishing this is a dream, simply because, I'm not sure if I'm entirely able to handle the obvious consequences that will follow from my actions. I know what I want, but am I ready? I'd like to think that I am but I can still feel my head spinning and my emotions spiraling out of control.

And the more he kisses me, the more my urgency for him grows. And I've come to realize that maybe this isn't so bad after all. How could it be with how amazing just a simple kiss from him feels?

"You can say stop at any time and I will...ok?" Justin pants breathlessly as he backs us up to my queen sized bed.

I nod dumbly, my brain processes slowing by the minute as my basic instincts take over. God I want him so bad...all of him. This is so unhealthy, but I'm going to indulge anyway...

Breathing deeply, I bring my hands up to rest against Justin's chest, my palms slowly skimming over his hard pectorals. I listen to his breathing, deep and steady as he lifts his head to look at me, his blues shades darker due to his arousal.

"Any time, just say the word." Justin utters again and I nod with a light smile.

"Would you even be able to stop?" I question and he lets out a deep grunt, his lips twitching into a half smile.

"We'll see." He grins and I roll my eyes playfully, my palms closing into fists so I can grip him firmly by his wife beater.

"No need to..." I voice shyly, my vulnerable side shining through.                        

He curves his brows at me, a cocky grin spreading across his face, but I ignore it, my hormones getting the best of me. I pull him down again into a kiss, and this time, I waste no time in expressing just how much I want him, how much I need him right now. He responds like clockwork, his large hands gripping my waist as our fronts fuse together. I kiss him deep and hard and he returns the favor, my body melting against his own as I stifle a moan with how soft yet powerful his kisses are.

The back of my legs hit the edge of the bed, but that doesn't stop me. In fact, with a firm grip on Justin, I pull him with me as I allow myself to fall backwards unto the soft mattress. I giggle when he lets out a light gasp and his palms immediately land flat on the bed to lessen the impact of his fall.

"Do you want me to crush you Lilah?" He inquires in a deep warning tone and I shrug.

"You're not that heavy." I retort.

"I'm heavier than you." He counters.

"Yeah, yeah, cry me a river..." I blurt out mindlessly.

I watch how Justin's eyes widen in shock and I quickly slap my palm over my mouth when I realize what I said. Shit.

"Oh my god, Justin I'm so sorry, that just slipped out, I didn't mean anything by it and I..." But I drift when I see a rather large grin forming on his face.

"Just how many of my songs do you know Lilah?" He questions curiously. Oh no, he can't possibly want to get into this conversation now.

"Ugh, Justin!" I whine.

"I think you know more about my career than you're letting on miss Marshall." Justin teases.

"Please, Justin don't do this now." I plead, taking in the satisfied smirk on his face.

"It's ok if you're secretly obsessed with me and my superstardom. My feelings for you won't change if you're a fan." He wriggles his brows for me suggestively and I groan almost in pain.

Without missing a beat I reach up and pinch him hard in the arm.

"Ouch! Woman are you mad!?" Justin snaps with an exaggerated accent to his tone.

"Didn't have a pin. Pinching was the next best thing."

"Well please don't, it's like a pet peeve of mine." He explains.

"Too bad." I huff.

"Don't be cute." He scolds me and I smile, loving the sight of him as he hovers closely.

"Ok, then less talking and more love making." I order and he chuckles.

"Love making huh? Isn't that only an accurate labeling if both people are like madly in love with each other or something?"

"Shut up Justin." I bark and he obliges, slowly lowering himself to rest on top of me with his lower half between my legs.

"It's ok, I was only joking Lilah. I think calling it just sex cheapens the act and form of emotional expression anyway." Justin explains seriously.

My eyes flutter when he brings his hand up to delicately brush some of my hair out of my face.

I don't answer him. I don't want to talk anymore...I just want to feel.

He leans down and captures my lips again with his, his large hands shamelessly roaming over my curves and bumps. This would be the perfect time for my insecurities to kick in, but for some reason I don't care anymore.

"Hmmm, clothes off now." I mutter and Justin chuckles softly.

"As you wish." He snickers before pulling away from me and rooting off his wife beater.

I lay there, staring at his fully exposed chest...

"Wait!" I blurt out and he freezes, glaring at me oddly. "Condoms, we need condoms...yeah." I ramble, causing Justin to chuckle.

"I've got us covered." He wisecracks before pulling out a few condoms from his pockets.

I glare at him. "You know what? I'm not going to ask." I shake my head, giggling and he shrugs before an embarrassed smile play across his lips.

"In my defense, I didn't plan this." Justin quickly voices.

"Sure you didn't, you only came prepared. That's a lot better." I tease.

"I'd like to think so."

"Whatever Justin, come here..." I coo, pulling him down towards me.

I can't believe this is happening...

**

Later...

The house is practically empty, we're the only two people home and the only sounds that can be heard are the faint pants coming from me and the faint grunts coming from Justin.

Somewhere in our lustful haze, we managed to fully unclothe each other and in the middle of Justin kissing all over me wildly to me groping at him, my fears started to kick in.

I've been trying to ignore them, too caught up with Justin to try and stop him now, but there's still this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach on what taking this step is going to mean for us.

Justin lifts his head and gives me a small smile before he buries his face in my mounds, his tongue swirling over my nipples causing them to harden.

I gasp and arch my back slightly as he continues his assault while one of his hands smoothes down my stomach towards my center. I latch onto his back and I swallow, trying to catch my breath as his index finger slowly slips inside my opening while his thumb massages my clit.

My eyes widen slightly as I bend my knees and lift my legs.

I can feel his erection resting just at my entrance, hard and pulsing and I bite my lips, one of my hands snaking between us to grip his cock.

Justin lets out a light grunt as my fingers wrap around him, the condom he's wearing preventing me from feeling him completely.

"Lilah?" Justin whispers, pulling back to look at me. "You ready?" He asks hoarsely and I nod, not able to find my voice.

"Ok." He hums, removing his finger from inside of me and bringing it up to his lips.

I stop him by gripping his wrist and pulling his hand towards my mouth instead. In one swift motion, I take his index finger into my mouth, sucking on it and licking it dry.

Justin's orbs widen as he glares at me almost in a trance before positioning himself at me entrance. He pulls his hand away from me and leans down to capture my lips, his kiss stealing my breath as he slowly starts sliding into me, my walls expanding to accommodate his size.

My entire body tenses and I writhe a little beneath him but he has a firm grip on my waist keeping me in place as he slides in and out of me.

"Oh my god..." I choke out, breaking our kiss.

It doesn't take long for Justin to set his pace, his thrusts slow and powerful as he looks down at me, his blues holding my gray-browns.

"Justin I..." I trail, getting lost in his deep blues as he works my body into submission.

"What?" He smiles gently as one of his hands moves up to brush some of my damp hair out of my face.

Both of our bodies are coated with thin layers of sweat and I love how our different skin tones mesh together.

I love the feel of his strong sculpted arms, broad back and hard chest. He's gorgeous, from head to toe. And the more I look at him, the more I'm starting to realize that I might really be falling for him. But I...I'm not ready. I can't be in love with him, not yet...I'm not ready.

"I just want you to know that..." I gulp hard, my stomach tightening when Justin suddenly hits my g-spot. My toes curl and my grip on him tightens as he continues moving in and out of me, his hips bouncing against mine as he picks up his pace.

"What Lilah? It's ok, you...can...tell...me...anything." Justin grunts through each thrust, his face contorting in pleasure. He's trying his best to keep focused as he waits to hear whatever I'm trying to tell him.

I'm trying to make sense of my jumbled thoughts while my body feels like it's on fire.

I can feel my stomach doing flip flops as I feel my orgasm slowly drawing near already.

"I want you to know that I...I lo...I could...love you; if you'll give me some time. But I care, I care a whole lot." I sigh, biting my lips to prevent myself from saying anything else I might regret. Now is probably not the best time considering our present state.

Justin's breaths are harsh and short as he continues grinding his hips against mine.

Letting out a low grunt, he dips his head to rest his forehead against mine. "I know Lilah, I know." He whispers. "It's ok, I'll love you no matter what." He adds in and my heart leaps at his words. How can he say that? How can he be so sure?

Shutting his eyes, Justin inhales deeply before gripping one of my legs and lifting it higher around his waist. That one action allows him to sink deeper inside of me and I let out a loud moan at the ripple of pleasure that suddenly hits me.

"Fuck." He growls, his thrusts now wild. "Damn Lilah I...god you're tight."

"I'm so close." I manage to get out.

"Me too baby, just let it out." Justin coos.

And I do, my hands gripping his face to pull him down for a kiss as I let go and allow my orgasm to wash over me.

Justin kisses me for a brief second before he pulls away and dips his head in the groove of my neck, his arms wrapping around my waist to pull me flush against his chest.

He elicits a faint, almost inaudible moan but I catch it just before his hips start to jerk as he reaches his peak, my walls still gripping him tightly from my own release.

Unable to control himself, Justin moans again, his low hums sending shivers through me.

Aw oh my god, his moans are so sweet and a major turn on.

I hold onto him, trying to catch my breath as we both come down from our climax.

Without warning, Justin suddenly flips us over and I gasp letting out a soft scream in the process.

I look at him as he moves to lie on his back with me on top of him.

He keeps his grip around my waist as he looks up at me, my hair falling around my face as I gaze at him.

"What the hell was that?" I pant breathlessly.

"I like the idea of you on top. We're gonna have to go for that position next time." Justin voices softly, still catching his breath.

Next time? Uh...

"You're cute you know that?" I giggle and he rolls his eyes, still inside of me.

"Whatever." He brushes me off, rolling us over again.

"Oh my gosh Justin!" I whine when he's hovering again, his hands flat on the bed holding up his torso.

He stares at me with intrigue for a few seconds before he slowly slides out of me, my body tensing at the loss of contact before I relax again.

"I'll be right back." He blurts out while shifting so he can get off the bed.

I sit up slightly and switch positions so I can lie on my stomach as I watch him carefully remove the condom from his thick, semi-hard cock.

I lick my lips, this urge to know what he tastes like engrossing me. Hmm, I bet he tastes delicious.

My god, what's happening to me?

I can feel my cheeks heating up as I openly continue to glare at Justin, my eyes drinking in the sight of him in all of his naked glory.

He seems comfortable with me staring too.

"I'm just going to the bathroom for a minute to dispose of this." Justin explains and I nod dumbly, still gawking at him.

He really is a beautiful man, from his broad shoulders, broad back, down to his freckled chest, fully defined abs and slim waist. He has some sexy legs too, for a guy at least.

I giggle, and he turns to look at me arching a brow before he chuckles and moves to exit my room.

My heartbeat instantly picks up and panic washes over me.

"Justin! Where are you going? You're naked!" I gasp.

"Relax Lilah. I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back." He replies.

"But you're naked!" I point out again.

"No one's home! Relax!" He snickers before he swings my door open and disappears outside.

"Oh my gosh he's crazy." I laugh out.

I'm not even comfortable with walking in my own house naked when I'm home alone and Justin just strolled out into the hallway like it was nothing.

Even to this day, that man continues to amaze me.

In no time flat, Justin returns, closing and locking the door behind him before he heads over to his discarded boxers and slips them on.

He turns to look at me and smiles before crawling back into bed with me.

"It's not fair that you get to put on your boxers and I'm here naked." I voice.

"Then put on your underwear. But no bra." Justin warns and I stick my tongue out at him before quickly moving around to do just that.

When I'm done, I help him with the covers and move to lie with him as we get more comfortable under the covers.

"You know, you should probably head back to your guest bedroom and not fall asleep here. I'm not sure we'd be able to explain to my parents and brother why you spent the night in my room."

"Sure we would. They simply might not like what we tell them." Justin quips and I glare at him.

"Come here..." Justin demands, snaking his arm out to wrap around my waist as I lie against him with him on his back. "So you want me to go to my room?" He questions. "Just say the word Lilah and your wish is my command."

"Justin..." I sigh. "You know I don't want you to go."

"Ok then."

"But you know that you should. I don't want my parents to get the wrong idea of you...or me for that matter."

"Your parents love me Lilah." Justin states.

"Yes, but they also just met you. My dad especially is protective of me. Mainly because of what I went through with..." But Justin cuts me off, not allowing me to finish my statement.

"I'm nothing like him." Justin growls angrily and wow, that came out of nowhere.

"I know that and you know that, but my parents don't know that. Not yet anyway. They think we're friends."

"We are friends Lilah." Justin voices, his tone slightly irritated as he bends his head to look at me.

"They think that we're only friends Justin. That's why my dad has taken to you. He thinks you're like my protector or something. If he thought that you and I...that we were more than just friends...he'd not be as pleasant with you. It's my dad. I...I mean my mom is different. I don't think she'd mind, but Marco and dad would."

"Ok, I get it. It's because of what you've been through. It's harder to trust new people that come into your life. I get that. But Lilah, you are your own person. You're a grown woman. You can make your own decisions. But out of respect for your family, I get it." Justin utters.

Gently, he pushes me away so he can sit up and I glare at him in perplexity.

"Justin, don't be like this." I plead.

"I'm not being any way Lilah. I understand and respect that if your family knew I was in love with you, it would be hard for them to accept me. I'll see you in the morning." Not turning to look at me he stands from the bed and moves around to grab his belongings before heading for the door. Is it just me, or did I sense hurt in his voice?

"Justin...wait." I jump out of bed and rush over to him to stop him, blocking his path. I slip in front of him and rest my back against the wall right next to the door.

I'm ignoring the fact that I'm only in my underwear here and my breasts are free and bouncing with each move I make.

Justin doesn't seem to care right now either as he holds my gaze.

I open my mouth to speak, desperately wanting to find the right words that will kill this tense moment between us, but nothing comes out. We were so good a few moments ago. But now, the moment's gone and my mind isn't fogged up anymore and while I want more than anything to tell him to stay with me and spend the night, I can't. It's not right, especially with my parents here.

What if, what if we awoke the next morning and one of them saw Justin leaving my room? Or what if one of them walked in on us? I can't risk that. Justin must understand this.

"Lilah." Justin softly calls out to me, jogging me out of my thoughts.

"Justin..." I sigh helplessly. "I, I think you're amazing." I blurt out.

"Uh, ok." He drawls, frowning lightly in confusion.

"And what happened...between us...that was amazing too." I continue. "I don't regret anything."

"Good to know." He says with a nod.

"Justin!" I smack him on his arm. "Don't be smart. I'll see you in the morning ok? We'll hang out tomorrow and do whatever you wanna do."

"Whatever I wanna do huh?" He suggests, that beautiful smile of his slowly returning.

"Get your mind out of the gutter." I scold him and he groans.

"Fine. Goodnight Lilah. I'll see you in the morning." He says gently.

"Goodnight Justin." I beam.

He leans down and cups my cheek in his palm with his free hand before placing a delicate kiss on my lips. When he pulls away, he searches my eyes with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I have faith that we can make this work Lilah. But remember, you promised me, you wouldn't run away." Justin verbalizes.

"I know and I won't." I confirm, even if I'm having a hard time believing it.

Justin glowers at me, unconvinced, but he doesn't call me out on it.

Instead he sighs and pulls his hand away from my face before gripping the handle of my bedroom door and swinging it open.

"I hope so." Is the last thing Justin says to me before he swiftly makes his exit, gently shutting the door behind him.

And I exhale heavily, my heart beating rampant inside my chest as I try to make sense of how I allowed things to go this far.

Silently, I crawl back into bed under the covers, my senses on overload as I pick up Justin's scent on my pillow and sheets. I'm actually missing his presence already. I can't keep doing this to myself.

In the last few months, my life has been so crazy, I'm starting to think that things are never going to slow down or ever be normal with me again.

I mean, sure, the last three or so years of my life were fine when Ethan was ignoring me, but now that Justin's in the picture it's like everything is happening all over again. They really say your past can come back to haunt you, but this is ridiculous.

Even now, disregarding Ethan, I can't help but wonder just what am I getting myself into with Justin? His life isn't exactly a ray of sunshine either. I must really be out of my mind. He's a freaking celebrity for goodness sake.

Or maybe...maybe I just don't care because for the first time in a long time I'm allowing my emotions to do the talking. For the first time in a long time, I'm going along with my feelings and while I'm terrified of what that might mean, I can't shake the fact that no matter what I do, they keep leading me down the same path. They keep screaming out to me loud and clear.

But I don't want to listen...not yet...I'm not ready. Why? Because if and when I finally do give in to everything I'm feeling, the first thing that's going to hit me is the fact that I'm falling for Justin. Not only am I falling for him, but I have no control over it. And that's scary when you don't have control over these types of emotions.

What if I got hurt again, then what? I honestly don't think I'll be able to mend and function a second time around.

More importantly, I wish I cared a little bit more about protecting myself from ever getting hurt again, instead of giving in to the almost chant-like thoughts I have swirling in my head, telling me that I don't only care about Justin like I'm letting myself believe.

If anything, all I keep thinking is that I'm falling in love him. I'm falling in love with Justin. I...I think I might actually, genuinely love him.

But I can't tell him that, not yet, because I'd like to know more about his life first.

I know that's just an excuse but I'm not ready yet. I'm not.

I'm not ready to love him. I'm not ready to explore what it would mean if I openly loved him.

In fact, I'm not sure that I'll ever be ready...