15. Confusion & Clarity

Ending Of May

Next Day

Groaning, I shift uncomfortably feeling slightly restricted.

"What the hell?" I whisper, my eyes fluttering open.

I'm instantly blinded by the sun seeping in through the large glass windows.

Well, summer sure is kicking in. In a way, I'm excited to be leaving school for three whole months to hang with my family but that also means, no more Justin or Higher Heights. I guess that's the downside.

I arch my back slightly but then freeze when I feel what's supposed to be the bed I was sleeping on shift beneath me.

"Wow." I say softly, wide awake now.

My eyes are frantically searching my surroundings only to find that I'm still in the living room from last night when Justin and I got to his place.

Ugh, and I have the worst headache which only constitutes that I have a hangover which means today is going to be a shitty day.

A light groan echoes from somewhere behind me and my body goes rigid.

I swallow harshly and gasp when I feel a strong arm tighten around my lower waist.

It doesn't take me long to realize that I'm lying on my side with my back facing Justin I'd assume while his arm is wrapped around me holding me in his embrace.

The most bizarre thing in all of this is that we're on his couch. I mean, it's a big comfy couch but how in the world did we end up in this position together?

The last thing I remember is heading into Justin's kitchen and drinking way too much scotch. Then, I think I told him my life history which reduced me to tears. But that's all I can remember. I don't regret telling him about Ethan because he needed to know.

But how in the world...

"Morning sleeping beauty." Justin groans behind me and my eyes widen in shock. When I don't respond, I feel him smile against me since his face is resting against the base of my neck and shoulder. Talk about an invasion of personal space. "Felt you shifting. You sort of woke me up." He mumbles and I nod lightly.

"Oh sorry. Morning...uh, right."  In a flash, I'm out of his arms and off the couch. I guess I stood too fast because my head is spinning but that's nothing compared to the sight before me.

Justin's just laying there looking up at me with his gorgeous sleepy blues wearing only a black wife beater and his school pants and socks.

"We slept on the couch last night?" I ask in bewilderment and he chuckles before stretching out his limbs and yawning.

"You had an emotional night Lilah." He mutters simply and I frown. That's not the answer I was looking for.

"Uh no shit..."

"Considering the amount of alcohol you drank." He interrupts me with a disappointed stare.

"So what happened?"

I take a seat next to him when he pushes his body up into a sitting position.

He wipes at his face and takes in a deep breath before glaring at me.

"You were upset, crying or whatever. When I came back with the water I got for you to drink to help you with your intoxication, I offered to help you up to the  guest bedroom but you protested and begged me to stay with you until you calmed down. So, I stayed and I guess somewhere along the line we both feel asleep. This is a comfy ass couch though." Justin laughs and I smile lightly feeling slightly embarrassed by my behavior even if everything is still a little fuzzy.

"I'm sorry; I'll buy back your liquor I promise." I utter.

Justin gives me an incredulous look before he finally decides to stand and continue his stretching.

"Out of everything I just told you now and that happened last night, everything you told me, that's what you're worried about the most? Buying back the bottle of alcohol you consumed because you were upset?" He questions and I shrug innocently. "Unbelievable. You really are something different Delilah. Look I'm going to head up to take a shower. You should too and get changed out of your uniform. There's a shower in the guest room. We're going to head into Manhattan to gather some things for the party later. We'll grab some breakfast while we're out."Justin explains and before I even have a chance to respond, he walks away from me and jogs up the stairs disappearing from sight.

A pout instantly forms on my face as I rest back in my seat, trying to replay last night's events.

Well, whatever happened last night, Justin sure as hell doesn't want to talk about it. I just hope he doesn't think of me differently or look at me differently now that he knows about my past.

I'm hoping that he'll be the exception and that he won't let Ethan get to him.

But, there's really nothing I can do right now. Only time will tell...

**

Later That Night

Who knew Justin could throw such a successful party?

I should have known though.

This place is filled with Higher Heights students from all years enjoying themselves and having a blast.

I don't blame them. It's summer and we're going to be free of education prison for the next three months.

If that's not party worthy then I don't know what is.

After the awkward good morning conversation Justin and I had earlier today, the rest of the day moved along smoothly.

We headed into Manhattan and did some shopping for the party and then came back to his place to prepare.

Sandra and Michelle even came over to help us and we actually had a blast getting everything set up.

Now, the party is in full swing and Justin looks like he's having the time of his life working the room and entertaining his guests and fellow school mates.

I'm actually in the kitchen right now sipping on a wine cooler as I spot Justin out in the living room talking to Cindy.

I continue studying them for a while until Sandra comes in to grab a drink, interrupting my little quiet time amidst the blasting music and endless chattering and dancing.

"You look sulky." Sandra calls out to me and I stare at her.

"No, I'm fine!" I voice, finishing off my wine cooler.

I swipe my palms over my light fitted jeans and white top, dismissing her suspicious stare.

"Why don't you ask Justin to dance?" She suggests and I laugh loudly, snorting in the process.

"Please Sandra as if. I'm going to head out by the pool for a bit. I need some fresh air."

"Are you sure you're ok though?" She asks me, her eyes filled with concern as she grabs a wine cooler for herself out of the freezer.

"I'm fine Sand! Go have fun. I'll be in a little later." I assure her and she shrugs, moving over to give me a quick hug before she disappears out of the kitchen and rejoins the party.

Sighing, I make my way out to the pool which is deserted since everyone is inside in the air conditioned living room having a blast.

It may only be the beginning stages of summer, but I can already feel the slight heaviness in the air due to mild humidity.

Sighing, I look out at the pool in the large spacious backyard of Justin's temporary home before taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs. I wonder who he's renting this house from. Not like I'd know them, but whoever it is must be stoked that a celebrity is living here paying rent.

I smile at the thought as I'm reminded yet again that Justin isn't just Justin.  It's crazy how I always seem to forget that little fact. That he's an international superstar and icon.

I doubt that would be the case if I were shoved into his regular lifestyle but I digress.

The point is this is nice. Even if I'm not indulging in the crazy party going on inside, I'm still enjoying myself just sitting here in partial quietness...

"You know, the party's indoors Lilah. But, we could always take it out to the pool."

Five seconds later, Justin comes into view with a beer in his hand as he stands before me dressed in a simple blue t-shirt and jeans with a matching fitted hat on his head.

"I'm good thanks." I smile and he shrugs, taking a seat next to me on one of the lounge chairs.

"So, what are you doing out here by yourself? Aren't you having fun?" He asks, taking a sip of his beer.

"I came out here for some air, but I'm having fun. Thanks again for letting us have this little bash at your place." I speak up and he nods, casting his vision to the pool.

"No problem. But, are you ok though?"

"I uh..." I drift when we lock eyes. "I'm fine. I promise. Look, Justin I'm really sorry about what happened last night. I didn't mean to..."

"It's cool forget about it." He dismisses, finishing off his beer. "As long as you're ok now then..."

"I am."

"Good."

"What about you?" I question and he laughs.

"What about me Lilah?"

"I mean, are we cool? You've been kind of weird today and..."

"We're cool." He assures, but I'm not convinced.

"Justin." I warn.

"Delilah." He mocks me with a large grin. "Don't worry about it. Yes, last night was...different. But, I'm glad you opened up and everything is good now so drop it."

"Are you sure?" I ask again and he groans.

"Yes Lilah geez!" Justin says exasperatingly. "You're blowing my high."

"Oh so you're high huh?"

"A little." Justin grins and I shake my head at him.

"You're too much Justin." I snicker, getting more comfortable. "But this is nice."

"It is." He agrees, lying back.

"So, summer's coming up." I state, trying to hold on to the little conversation we have going. I'm not looking for any awkward silence to fall between us right now.

"Uh huh..." Justin mutters mindlessly as he gazes up at the sky.

"And, I'm going home to Boston to visit my family. My brother will also be home. So, uh, I guess I'll be seeing you for the September semester." I point out and Justin turns to look at me with questioning eyes.

"You're going to come out to visit though." He suggests and I scowl deeply.

"What?" I'm confused.

"To California. You're going to come visit me right?" He inquires with hopeful eyes and I nearly laugh in his face.

"Are you asking or telling me?"

"A little of both." He sniggers. "Don't you want to?"

"That's a very strange way of asking me Justin." I divulge and he chortles lightly.

"Ok, fine. Delilah, will you come out to visit me in California on our summer break?"

"Why?" I question and Justin glares at me for a brief moment before responding.

"I don't know. It could be fun. We could hang out. You'd get a taste of my real life. And, the change in environment would be good for you too." Justin explains.

All very valid points.

"No." I simply state and his eyes widen in shock.

"No?" He spits.

"No." I reiterate and in the blink of an eye Justin is off his lounge chair and standing right in front of me, blocking my view of the pool.

"Well why the hell not Lilah?" He snaps and I gaze up at him lazily.

"Wow Justin. It's not that serious. I simply don't think it's a good idea that's all."

"Again, why the hell not?"

"Because..." I begin but he interrupts me.

"Because nothing. Whatever you're going to say is just some lame excuse on why you can't come. I'm not asking you to spend the entire summer with me Lilah. I expect you to spend it with your family but one or two weeks off to head down to sunny Cali to hang with Trace, Rachel and I shouldn't be a problem." Justin states and he's right. I know he's right.

That shouldn't be much of a problem and I'm sure my parents won't mind one bit. They're all for me spreading my wings and getting out into the world. Plus, we're friends right? And friends visit each other and hang out.

I guess I'm skeptical because I have no idea what to expect. I mean, I know the preppy Higher Heights Justin who's a student just like me dealing with the everyday school stress I deal with. That's the Justin I know and I've grown to like. But this other Justin...the real Justin if you will, who's a business man and superstar extraordinaire, I don't know him. And, who's to say I'll like him, or his lifestyle?

I don't want the vision I have of him to be tainted by his celebrity world. I don't...

"Are you ignoring me?" Justin asks before he grips my hand and forces me to stand.

"No." I shrug and he curves his brows at me.

"Ok, let's make a deal. If I score higher than you on our art history exam, you have to come out to Cali to spend at least two weeks of your summer break with me. If you score higher, I'll see you in September." Justin propositions and I glare at him like he's crazy.

"You do know that's a ridiculous bet right? Odds are I'll score higher. Art is my major Justin."

"Don't be so sure. I studied girl. We'll know next week when results come out." He grins, looking down at me and I shrug.

"Fine, it's a deal." I cave.

"Sweet."

"Maybe we should head back to the party now. We've been out here for a little while."

"Ok..." Justin agrees and I nod, turning around to head back in but he stops me. "One more thing though." He whispers, spinning me around to face him.

"What now Justin?" I groan in annoyance. Oh yes, he still irritates me to the point where I want to strangle him sometimes.

He looks down at me with a serious expression on his face, his blues boring into my gray-browns.

"I could easily regret this but..." He trails off, licking his lips and I gasp when I realize what's probably on his mind. Before I can stop him, he leans down and places a delicate kiss on my lips, one that leaves my lips tingling and burning for more before he pulls away.

I glare at him in perplexity, the thought of slapping him crossing my mind, but I'm too shocked to do anything. "Are you that high? You don't look like you are." I say.

"I'm almost fully sober." Justin agrees with a devious smile on his face.

"So what the hell was that for Justin?" Oh my god, he's trying to kill me. He's trying to confuse me to death.

What's really going on in that head of his?

He turns serious for a split second before breaking out into a big smile. Leaning down, he shifts his head to the side to whisper in my ear. "Come to Cali to visit and you'll find out." He whispers before pulling away.

"You can't be serious." I groan, folding my arms across my chest.

"I finally figured it out Lilah. I figured us out. But you haven't, not yet anyway." Justin explains. "I can help you, but only if you ask me to, only if you're ready to put everything into perspective and not run away or hide from your problems like you've been doing."

"So you're blackmailing me to come visit you for summer if I want to know whatever it is you've figured out?"

"No, I'm persuading you." He corrects me. "The change of environment would be good and we'll be away from any distractions."

"So, let me get this straight. You're persuading me by kissing me?" I ask incredulously.

"Technically, it was a friendly peck on the lips to show that I care." Justin counters seriously.

"Ugh! I thought we agreed to be full out honest with each other? I thought we agreed we can't keep doing this!? No dillydallying! You're impossible Justin!" I yell.

"Maybe, but at least, I'm not confused anymore." He glowers at me, his smile now gone since I just raised my voice at him. I can't help it. He gets under my skin and drives me up the wall sometimes.

"Oh really?" I chide. "And when exactly did this moment of clarity come to you?" I snap, fully aggravated with him and his half answers.

He takes a step away from me with a displeased look on his face. "Last night, when you were crying your eyes out." He hisses forcefully. "When all I could think about was killing the fucking asshole for ever hurting you the way he did. When all I wanted to do was comfort you and take all the pain away. When I realized that maybe, just maybe I was fooling myself into thinking that you were just a friend to me all this time. Not that you weren't at first but, you're clearly a lot more than that now." Justin spits, shaking his head at me.

"Wait, what?" I ask in astonishment.

"Just forget I said anything Lilah. The last thing you need if for me to add to your problems. I really think you need to make a mends with your past first before we try to settle whatever issues we have going on between us."

"But you said..."

"I know what I said. I say a lot of things."  Justin groans. "Forget about it Lilah..." He pauses, giving me a long hard look before he turns away. "I'll see you inside. I'm heading back to the party."

And just like that he's gone, disappearing back into the house, leaving me alone stunned.

Forget about it? It's a little too late for that!

I gaze at my surroundings, trying to make sense of what just transpired out here.

Oh my god, this is crazy. Justin is going to be the death of me. How can he do this? How can he say these things to me and then walk away like that? What the hell happened to him last night? Ugh, it's my fault for dumping my past on him like I did. I know it's my fault but that doesn't mean he's not acting beyond strange to me.

I really hope the rest of my stay here isn't going to be as weird because I don't think I'll be able to deal. But, did he admit to having feelings for me that went past friendship? And if so, what does it all mean?

Justin's right, I'm still confused, now more than ever.

I don't blame him for not wanting to make things worse by talking about whatever's going on with him. But, his odd behavior isn't helping either.

Still...

"What just happened?"