13. Starting Over

Part 1

Ending Of May

Three Months Later

"Here's what I think. The weekend is coming up and we should maybe convince Justin to throw a party at his place so we can get over the pressure of exams this week."

Turning in my seat, I frown for Sandra, not really liking that idea.

"I don't know Sand. Justin and I aren't really close like that anymore. I mean, I've visited his place a few times but, things haven't been the same ever since that night he fought with Ethan and then moved out of the dorms the next day." I explain to her.

It's not exactly something I like to dwell on but, over the past few months, Justin and I have drifted so far apart, it's to the point where we're both trying to hold on to whatever friendship that we have left.

It's not on purpose. Our schedules have just been so busy - me with my obsession over my art program and Justin with basketball and his music. It's been hard for us to maintain our friendship. It was so much easier when he lived in the dorms. Now, he's only on the school campus when he has to be. He does his homework at his place and I even heard that Trace and Rachel came up to see him like twice in the last few months at his new place.

He doesn't have to abide by some of the rules those of us living on campus have to. He has no curfew and when he's not in school, he could travel all over New York if he wanted to. In fact, he has. He even took a weekend trip to Miami just the other day specifically to meet up with a producer for some music work he's supposed to be doing at the end of the year when he leaves Higher Heights.

Higher Heights isn't Justin's home anymore. He's slowly managed to get a piece of his old life back while still going here and it's put a major strain on our relationship - friendship - whatever.

I haven't even seen him all week. I usually avoid going to any of their basketball practices since Ethan is still around.

He and Justin have managed to leave their issues off the court and focus on the team's goal of doing their best and winning. Other than that, they don't talk and barely even look at each other.

It's hard, and it's been bugging me to the point where I've started having some weird dreams about the both of them.

Ugh! If that's not annoying enough, I have that kiss Justin and I shared months ago still embedded in my brain like it happened five minutes ago.

The strange thing is that we never addressed it. Justin and I never talked about it. We didn't even discuss the second kiss he planted on me in the bathrooms after his fight with Ethan all those months ago.

It was like it just happened and then that was it...the moment was over. We moved on like nothing ever transpired and now, I'm starting to overanalyze everything Justin and I have ever been through since we met.

I find myself overanalyzing all the conversations we had, all the looks we exchanged and all the gestures we displayed. It's unnerving to have someone on the brain twenty-four seven to the point where you can't even focus long enough to function properly around other people.

But despite all of that, I miss Justin.

I miss his annoying ass more than I ever thought was possible and it's irritating the life out of me.

I want to see him again, to hug him again, to...kiss him again...just once.

But I shouldn't want those things.

I haven't even evaluated my feelings for or towards him yet because honestly, I don't want to. I'm afraid of what I might find out.

But, that doesn't mean I don't want my friend back.

And to think, I had no intension of us even building a friendship in the first place.

I'm glad he proved me wrong.

Now he needs to hang around me more to rub it in my face. I won't complain. I won't mind.

I just miss him.

"Hello! Delilah! Delilah!"

Jumping when Sandra snaps her fingers in front of my face, I turn to look at her harboring a deep scowl.

"What?"

"You're so spaced. You haven't heard a word I said."

"I'm sorry, but look Sandra, this party thing...I don't know." I sigh in defeat, the weight of exams this week draining me to the point where I feel exhausted even after sleep.

She's right. It would be nice to have a party where we didn't have to worry about campus rules and could just release the pressure and stress. But at Justin's place? I'm not so sure how he'll feel about that.

"Just ask him. What do you have to lose?" She shrugs and I think for a moment realizing that she's right again.

"Ok, I'll ask him, if I end up seeing him this weekend." I pout lightly and she giggles, rolling her eyes at me.

"You two so need to hook up and fast." She laughs softly since we're in English class right now, but I don't think she's funny or cute.

I thought Justin liked her actually until I realized that he just thought she was hot and that was about it.

Sometimes, men are confusing...

"Will Delilah Marshall and Justin Timberlake please report to Headmaster Williams' office. I repeat, will Delilah Marshall and Justin Timberlake please report to Headmaster Williams' office."

I wince at the sound of my name over the school's intercom system.

I turn to look at Sandra, shrugging when she eyes me oddly.

"What did you do?" She whispers accusingly.

"Nothing!" I whisper back, feeling my heartbeat speed up; not because there's a possibility that I might be in trouble, but, because I'm about to see Justin since he was asked into Headmaster Williams office as well.

"Well go. I'll get your things when class is over; don't worry about it." Sandra gives me a light shove in the shoulder and I quickly stand, thanking her before excusing myself from class to head out of the door quickly.

When I make it to the Headmaster's office, I smile for his secretary who gives me the signal to go right in.

I knock on the door twice before easing it open.

I'm instantly greeted by a smiling Justin who's sitting at the edge of Williams' desk.

I frown in confusion, studying the interaction between the two men.

Headmaster Williams has a soft grin on his aged face as he slicks his hands through his full head of gray hair, his blue eyes twinkling in delight.

For someone in their fifties, he's not so bad on the eyes. Plus, he has a daughter who goes here.

He may be a strict Headmaster, but, he's fair.

I'm more interested in knowing what he and Justin have been discussing.

Williams is the first to spot me when he spins in his seat.

"Delilah! Come on in." He makes a signal for me to come further into his office since I'm standing awkwardly by the door.

I clear my throat nervously, noting how the smile on Justin's face falls before he looks away from me.

He stands and quickly takes a seat on one of the chairs facing the Headmaster's office. I follow suit, taking the other empty chair before clasping my hands and saying a silent prayer that Headmaster Williams did not call us in here for the time we ditched school or threw that party for Justin on his birthday in my dorm.

"How are you Delilah?" Williams asks and I give him a tight smile and nod.

"I'm good sir. I've been...good." I swallow hard, giving Justin a quick glance.

That was a mistake.

I'm not sure if I like Justin's deep blues studying me so closely. He's resting back in his seat with a smirk on his face as he glares at me like I'm the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

"That's great to hear. You're doing well in your classes I'd assume?" Williams inquires and I nod vigorously not caring if my neck ends up hurting in the process.

I'm so on edge right now I can't even think straight.

"Classes and school are good. Everything's great!" I fake enthusiasm which causes Justin to snort lightly beside me but he doesn't say anything.

"Great. I was just having a quick chat with Justin before you came in. He said you really helped him get settled in at Higher Heights which is very good because he's offered to make a small donation to the school by the time you all graduate." Williams voices and I gasp.

"What?"

"Well, Justin won't be ‘graduating' with you literally, but he will walk with your graduating class since your last semester after summer will also be his last as well." Williams explains and I mouth an ‘oh,' resting back in my seat and biting my bottom lip.

"That's fine..." I mutter.

No it's not fine. It's just reminding me yet again that soon, all of this is going to be over - my time here at Higher Heights, my time with Justin. At the end of this year, it will all be over. And then what?

"Right. Now the reason I called you two in here, is because I need to give official permission to allow you off school campus Delilah." Williams speaks up and I tense, lifting my head to glare at him in perplexity.

"I'm sorry could you repeat that? I don't remember requesting any time off campus sir." I voice.

"Yes, Justin asked for you earlier today and I told him it was fine and that I'd call you all in here once I got some free time. I'll just need you to sign the waiver and I'll sign it after as well. Regular procedure. Then, you'll be free to leave for the weekend into next week."  Williams voices, pulling out the consent waiver form from his desk.

I grimace, not even looking at Justin now as I feel my temper rising. I'm not sure why, but something about this doesn't sit well with me. Whatever happened to consulting me first?

"Um, sir exams..."

"Are over this week." Williams interrupts me, giving me a bright smile before he places a pen and the form in front of me to sign. "Even if school isn't closing for the next two weeks, you deserve the break Delilah just like all the other students at Higher Heights. Now, I want you to enjoy your week out with Justin and when you come back, you can pack up your belongings for summer break coming up soon. The dance is also next weekend before all the students leave to head home for summer break. I'm sure you're excited to see your folks. But for now, enjoy the week." Williams smiles for me and I hesitate, still not looking at Justin.

I can see his silhouette shifting in the corner of my eye but I'm not going to look at him. Not yet anyway.

"Uh...ok fine." I mumble before grabbing the pen and quickly scribbling my signature.

Headmaster Williams signs his name as well before filing the paper away which states the date I'm leaving campus and the date I'm coming back to campus.

I'm going to pretend like I didn't notice that he had today's date printed on there.

What the hell is really going on?

"Well, that's it. You all are free to go. Have a great weekend." Williams bids us farewell and I utter a ‘goodbye' before I'm out of my seat and heading straight for the door.

I make it out into the hallways before Justin catches up to me and stops me.

"Lilah! Hey! Slow down girl!" He chuckles, spinning me around to face him.

I glare at him, his tall slender frame hovering over me.

His eyes are bright and questioning as he releases his hold on me and stuffs his hands into his pant pockets.

"Justin..." I sigh, taking in the sight of him. I can't be angry at him. This is the first time I'm seeing him all week and I'm not going to be a bitch when he probably doesn't even think that anything's wrong. "What's going on?" I ask weakly, trying to make sense of my emotions.

I feel so overwhelmed for some reason. Just being in his presence has my mind riling with all kinds of weirdness. Like the fact that I can smell the faint hint of his body soap on his clean milky skin. Or, the fact that his hair has grown out to the point where its making tiny curls at the tips. Or maybe it's the way he's looking at me, so concerned, his eyes filled with longing and something else I can't decipher.

Whatever it is, I've never paid this much attention to him before and just being around him makes me antsy but at the same time, I've missed him and I'm happy that he's here.

"I thought..." Justin begins but drifts. He looks around then back at me, licking his lips slowly. "Can we go somewhere more private to talk?" He asks hopefully and I think about the English class I'm missing but nod in agreement to his question anyway.

"Sure, follow me." I suggest and he does exactly that, allowing me to lead us to a more secluded area.

We make it into the student study center which is practically empty since today is the last day of exams. Mostly everyone must be taking their exams now.

I was fortunate enough to only be in English class with our professor reviewing what we did for the semester before she informed us on how she would be grading our finals. So, I'm not really missing anything.

I have time to spare.

Justin walks past me when we get into the center filled with computers and some research and library books specifically for studying based on the subject you're doing.

He stops at a table all the way to the back out of eye sight from anyone walking in through the front doors.

I follow him and move to stand before him.

I can feel the heat of the sun on us shining through the large glass windows that overlook a section of the school grounds.

"Is this private enough for you?" I ask Justin and he nods slowly, his blues searching my gray-browns with intrigue.

"It is." He whispers softly and before I can respond, he leans down and presses his lips against mine in a deep sultry kiss as his large hands cup my cheeks.

My heart skips a beat and my body goes rigid as my palms travel up his firm sculpted chest.

I grip fistfuls of his blazer and in one swift motion I push him away forcefully, breaking our lip-lock.

I suck air into my lungs, my eyes wide with disbelief as Justin just stands there, guiltily, glaring at me.

"What the hell was that Justin!?" I snap, finally catching my breath.

He looks down at where I'm still gripping his blazer and I groan before releasing my hold on him and plopping down in the chair next to me defeated. "Are you going through a phase? What's going on? We hardly hang out anymore, this is the first time I'm seeing you all week, and you ask me for us to go somewhere more private to talk just so you can kiss me?" I glare at him and he heaves a sigh before taking a seat as well.

He passes his hands over his face and then through his hair in frustration as he looks down at the wooden table.

"Yes...I mean...no...shit Lilah, I don't know. All I know is, I've missed you and when I saw you I couldn't help myself. I was itching to do it...to kiss you again. So I did." He says pathetically, still not making eye contact with me.

"I see. Great. Perfect. Wonderful!" I mutter sarcastically. "Don't even get me started on the fact that you asked Headmaster Williams for me to leave campus for the next week without my consent. To go where? I'm not sure, but I'm not even going to go there yet. I want to know what's going on Justin. You can't just kiss me and be done with it."

"I'm sorry Lilah ok!? I didn't plan this! I do want to talk to you. What happened just now was a spur of the moment thing." He admits weakly and I curve a brow at him.

"Oh sure. Just like the first couple of times we kissed months ago. Tell me Justin. What part of this doesn't seem odd to you? We're acting like some dysfunctional couple. So not cool."

"Give me a break Lilah." He chides, straightening his posture and looking at me directly in the eyes now. "You were the one who kissed me first if I remember correctly and even if I initiated the rest, you kissed me back too. It's been months. You weren't jumping to clear the air between us either so just drop it." Justin snaps and I'm a little shocked at his sudden switch. Something is going on with that man.

He's acting abnormally strange, even for him.

"Ok fine, maybe it's not that important." I state and he smirks.

"Sure. Of course." He says flatly. "Because when two people who are supposed to be just friends kiss, it means absolutely nothing and it's of no importance." He rolls his eyes at me and I gasp at his rudeness and sarcasm.

"Ok, speak Justin. I want to know what's going on. What do you want to talk to me about? This is too strange for me. Why did you request me to leave campus for the week anyway?" I ask and he inhales deeply, clearly irritated with me for some reason or other.

"Geez, oh I don't know Lilah. Maybe because like you said, we've hardly gotten a chance to hang out these past few months because of our busy schedules? Maybe I thought that now would be a great time to reestablish some type of solid contact with you since exams are over and summer vacation is coming up. I didn't want to bother you before since we both know how anal you get over your school work. Plus, coach has been working the team hard for our upcoming game before the dance next weekend. I figured, since I don't live on campus anymore and you can't leave campus without permission, I'd surprise you by asking Headmaster Williams to give you the weekend and all of next week off so we could really hang out and catch up. You know since, even if we did see each other every now and then in the past few months, it clearly wasn't the same. But oh no, I guess it's wrong that I care. I guess it's wrong that I miss my best friend here at this school. I guess it's wrong that I've spent the last few months thinking about her, wondering if she even cares or considers us friends anymore, if ever. I'm sorry I kissed you just now Lilah but I've missed you so much and..."

But he trails off, swallowing the rest of his words as he looks away from me and out the windows.

"Friends hug Justin. They don't kiss each other on the lips the way you kissed me just now." I point out and he groans lowly.

"Don't you think I know that!?" He hisses but his coarseness doesn't faze me.

"Ok, so I get all what you're saying. And I agree with most of it. I've missed you too. But you're moody and edgy. So, what else aren't you telling me?"

"Don't you find it a little unfair that we're not talking about this Delilah?" Justin questions, his blues blazing.

"About what exactly?"

"This!" He motions between the both of us. "Us! Everything that's happened since I've been here! How long are we going to avoid it? How long are we going to walk around like everything's cool when it's clearly not? Look, I've had months to think our situation over and..."

"Ethan's been pressuring you." I vocalize, cutting him off.

"No." Justin corrects me quickly. "We don't speak, unless it's in regards to the team and we barely even look at each other unless we're out on the court. No, fuck him right now, this isn't about him or Ryan. I'm talking about you and me Lilah. I can't take this anymore. It's driving me insane. I thought inviting you to spend the week at my place would be a good idea. Trace and Rachel are going to be there. We could all hang out, maybe even head to Manhattan together.  And this time, you won't have to worry about getting in trouble. Shit, I've just missed you Lilah. I miss our fun, sometimes crazy times together. And as crazy as this is going to sound, I hadn't realized it until I saw Sandra and Michelle in the cafeteria earlier today and you weren't there with them. I asked them where you were and they said you were sleeping in until class because you were so exhausted from studying and taking those hard fucking exams. I don't know." He shrugs helplessly. "It got me thinking and made me realize just how far apart we've been recently and I hate it Lilah. I hate it. I can't tell you how it happened, or why exactly, but I consider you someone special now. You mean something to me now. You're a solid part of my life. You helped me get settled in here, you made me feel accepted and maybe I did grow some type of attachment to you because of it, but, it's so much more than that now..." Justin divulges and I'm just sitting, staring at him in awe.

Wow.

Talk about a confession.

"Justin...it's ok. I've been feeling the same way too, and you're right. But I mean, we're still cool, we're still friends...so we drifted apart for a bit. That's natural. I mean, I'm assuming all this is you wanting me to spend the week with you, Rachel and Trace right? So, we could do that. I'll pack up my stuff at the end of the day and we'll go to your place and we'll all hang out and have fun, just our circle of friends and..."

"But what if I said I wasn't ok with us just being friends anymore Lilah?" He cuts me off and I frown, not understanding.

"You don't want us to be friends anymore?" I ask, slightly hurt by his bluntness. Well then what the hell is he going on and on about?

"That's not what I'm saying Lilah." Justin sighs heavily again, rubbing at his forehead.

"What are you saying then Justin?" I ask, leaning over the table to look at him closely.

"I don't know. I'm so fucking confused. I've been confused for months, ever since..." But he catches himself and stops mid-sentence. "Look it doesn't matter. I'm sorry.  Can we please start over?"

"You want us to start over?" I inquire with a light smile.

"Yes." He breathes deeply. "Can we forget about all the shit we've been through in the last few months and wipe the slate clean? Forget about Ethan and Ryan, even if he's your cousin, and just focus on you, me and completing our time here at Higher Heights. How does that sound?" There's hope in his beautiful cerulean blues and how can I say no to that?

"Fine." I cave. "If that's what you want then, we'll start over. A fresh break. But, if that's the case then I think we need to go about our friendship differently this time. And I promise this time, I actually want us to be friends." I voice and he chuckles heartily which makes me giggle in return. "And no more ‘beating around the bush.' Whatever we're thinking, however we're feeling at the moment, we should be straight forward and honest with each other." I point out and Justin nods in return.

"Deal."

"Ok, and since I have the rest of the weekend off, I'll head up to my dorm to pack up my things and we'll head over to your place for the weekend into next week."

"Cool. Trace and Rachel should be in on Sunday so we have tomorrow and Saturday to ourselves." Justin nods and I smile brightly.

"Which is perfect timing to have an after school party without having to worry about breaking any rules or being caught by any head boys or girls." I giggle.

"You want me to throw a post exams bash at my place?" Justin inquires, a mischievous grin spreading on his face.

"Only if you want to."

"Hell yeah! I thought about doing that but, now we definitely have to do it since people probably need the opportunity to just let loose. You'll help me plan it, right?" Justin grins and I nod enthusiastically.

"Yes! It'll be so much fun. I'll tell the girls so they can help us out."

"Ok, then we should probably get going if we're going to get everything set up in time for tomorrow." Justin decides, standing from his seat.

"Right...right..." I look up at him, amazed at how we're able to switch between so many moods and topics with each other. "And Justin?" I grip his arm gently when he makes an attempt to move.

"Yes Lilah." He looks down at me, giving me a questioning glare.

"When we get to your place later, since we've promised to start over and do things the right way, I think it would be best if we sat and had a little chat about my past. I'm ready to tell you everything there is to know about me, and I hope that...that when you do know you won't judge me. But, I definitely agree that you deserve to know since you've found yourself fighting my battles."

"Look Delilah you don't have to..." Justin interrupts, but I silence him by placing my finger on his lips.

He blinks slowly, his breathes coming in light pants until I pull my hand away.

"Shut up Justin. I want to." I affirm and he shakes his head, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

"Good to know. And, Thank you."