10.  Can't Hide From The Past

Part 1

February

Weeks Later

In the School Gym

"Pick up the pace ladies! The cheerleaders run faster than you!"

As I walk into the school gym to take a seat on the bleachers, I hear coach Lambert screaming at the potential team players who all came out for tryouts today.

Laughing softly, I take a seat courtside and quickly wave to Sandra and Michelle when I spot them off on the other side of the gym practicing their cheers.

Yes, my two best friends are cheerleaders for the ‘Eagles.' No, it's not something I talk about because I personally don't support cheerleading even if it's supposed to be a ‘sport.'

This is just another example of my friends and I being complete opposites, yet we work well together.

That's all there is to it really.

My attention quickly sways though when the coach blows his whistle loudly.

"Personal Foul! Timberlake, free throw line!"

I focus on the game and smile when I notice one of the other guys from the opposing team sends Justin the ball.

Yes, the only reason I even came in here was to watch Justin tryout for the team.

I'm not the only student in here either. There are a few lingering around as well but I don't care about that.

My eyes are trained on Justin, watching how he bounces the ball a few times with ease as he lifts his head and stares at the hoop.

Damn. I'm actually thinking about thanking the coach for making Justin a ‘skin' since they're playing 'shirts' and 'skins.'

He's only wearing a pair of USA basketball shorts with his socks and sneakers. His upper torso is completely bare and glistening with sweat.

The muscles in his back contract and relax a few times before he lifts the ball and aims it at the net then releases it.

It goes sailing through the air and straight through the net, making a swishing sound.

"Point for skins!" Coach Lambert calls out before the ball is tossed back to Justin. "One more shot Timberlake, make it count." He states and Justin looks over at him before nodding.

"Yeah coach." Justin speaks up but then pauses, bouncing the ball a few times as his head turns slightly in my direction.

When we lock eyes, I smile shyly for him and wave a little. He grins brightly and gives me a wink before his attention is back on the basket he has to make.

Man he's gorgeous.

Shit, did I actually just think that? Wow. That's so unacceptable.

I mean, he's just Justin.

Jumping in fright when I hear the coach blow his whistle again, I look at the scoreboard and realize Justin made the second shot.

The game quickly resumes with the players running down to the opposite end of the court.

There're like twenty seconds left on the clock and the teams are actually almost tied with skins 81 and shirts 82. This next shot is important for them.

"Come on! Defense!" Coach yells.

I watch as one of the guys on the shirts team maneuvers over the court with the ball about the make the winning basket when Justin appears out of nowhere and steals the ball, passing it to one of his teammates.

I hear some of the cheerleaders squeal in excitement and I roll my eyes, secretly praying that they can make that last shot.

The ball is back in Justin's hands in a few seconds flat and he takes off down the court.

"Damn, that kid's fast." Coach says softly only standing a few feet away from me before he writes down something on his clipboard. "Ten seconds ladies!"  He yells again and I feel my breath lodge in my throat when Justin gets ready to shoot from the three point line.

"No, don't do it...get closer..." I whisper, biting my nails.

Moving out of his opponent's way so they can't block his shot, Justin easily jumps up before releasing the ball through the air towards the hoop.

My eyes widen and I stand, feeling like this is playing out in slow motion until I hear a swooshing sound.

"Game! Skins win!" Coach calls out before all the guys on the court start chattering or cheering.

Smiling, I reclaim my seat clapping lightly for everyone who played.

"Bring it in girls!" Coach calls out and everyone makes their way off the court, some congratulating Justin along the way.

Lifting his head, Justin waves and smiles for me and I wave back before grabbing my book-bag to leave.

While the coach is talking to them, I stand and start heading down towards the exit of the gym shouting ‘hey' in Sandra and Michelle's direction when they call out to me. "I'll see you guys later!" I tell them and they nod in return before getting back to their practice.

"Lilah! Hey! Wait up!"

Whirling around, I see Justin jogging towards me with his t-shirt draped over his shoulder.

He stops right in front of me and leans down to give me a huge hug.

"Oh my god! Justin! You're sweaty get off!" I scream, his body heat engulfing me as he squeezes me for effect and straightens his posture, causing my feet to leave the floor momentarily. "Ah! Put me down Justin!" I demand and he obliges, placing me back down and releasing his hold on me.

I narrow my eyes at him but he's just looking at me, grinning like an idiot.

"Great, now I smell like you." I snap, wiping at my damp blazer and shirt.

Surprisingly, I'm not nearly as disgusted as I thought I'd be. Had it been anyone else, I would have inflicted some serious physical pain on them.

"That's not a bad thing though. That's actually a good thing." Justin voices and I stare at him strangely. "Guys won't mess with you if you smell like a guy yourself." He reasons and I can't help but laugh. He's a little crazy that one.

"Uh huh."

"So where were you off to? Weren't you even going to wait for me to shower and change so you could tell me how great I was?" Justin inquires before grabbing his t-shirt and throwing it on.

Aw, no don't do that! I was enjoying my view of your abs idiot!

And I will not feed into the ego either, even if I'll admit that he was amazing out on the court.

"You did good out there, I'm proud of you." I voice and he smirks. "And, I have homework to complete so that's why I was leaving so I could get an early start." I supply and he frowns deeply.

"It's Friday Lilah. There are no classes on the weekend. You can't be serious."

"Well no, but..."

"But nothing. Look, I'm not even going to shower anymore because I know that when I come back out you won't be here." Justin points out and at least, he knows me well enough to predict that.

"Yeah you're right." I laugh and he groans, tugging me to walk with him to the exit of the gym. "But damn Justin, you need a shower badly." I wrinkle my nose for effect and he chuckles.

"I thought you were into the whole freaky, masculine, sweaty basketball player fantasy thing?" He muses and I snort. "Because if you are, I'm your guy..."

"How does your ego even fit in this world?" I jibe and his laughs instantly increase as we stroll out of the gym and start heading towards the dorms.

"Cute, real cute Lilah. I'll take a shower in the dorms. I haven't seen you all day and wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out later. Couldn't risk you disappearing again. But thanks for coming out to watch my tryouts."

"You're welcome. Sorry I missed most of it. I was trying to complete this stupid essay for my advanced writing class. I'm sure you'll make the team though." I tell him.

"I hope so. Coach said he'd have the list up on the bulletin board next week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed." Justin utters and I nod.

"At least the team wasn't here today to intimidate you all. They sometimes come into tryouts and try to psyche out the guys trying out for the team."

"Ethan, Ryan and the rest of them can kiss my ass. I couldn't be bothered with them and you shouldn't either Lilah. We haven't had any more encounters with them yet and Ryan leaves me alone for the most part so just drop it." Justin growls angrily and I cringe, not saying anything else.

Damn, ever since his birthday he's completely written them off. If anyone makes a mistake and talks about them, he changes the topic. I know I'm part to blame but so far, Justin's doing really well in having patience with me. He's really waiting for when I'm ready to tell him what's going on. It's just that, I'm not sure if or when I'll ever be ready.

But he hasn't said anything else to me since that night of the party and our encounter with Ethan.

I don't know. I'm a little skeptic and a little worried. Sometimes, I wonder if something's happened with him in the past few weeks that he's not telling me about. He usually plays it off when I ask him how he's doing but his aggressive nature in reference to the jocks is becoming worse.

Maybe it's just nerves. I mean, I don't care what Justin says, he has to be a little bit nervous about making the team. He must know that the guys won't make it easy for him. He's going to be like their ‘punching bag,' not literally, but technically. Ethan won't make Justin's transition into the team easy at all. I can't understand for the life of me why Justin is even putting himself through this.

Guys and their egos...

"So what did you want to do later?" I ask Justin as we stroll towards the male dorm rooms.

"If you're willing to wait for me, I'll shower, change and then we'll head over to your dorm for you to get ready. We can maybe go out. Do you want to go to Manhattan? It's still early. We could catch a movie or something. I'm so tired of this place. I'll make a few calls to have a ride pick us up." He mutters and I giggle.

"You haven't even been here a full semester and you're already frustrated with Higher Heights. What about those of us who've been attending here for almost four years?" I question and he laughs heartily as we make our way to his floor.

"Sucks to be you." He chortles and I shrug. Can't argue with that.

As we walk down the hall towards Justin's dorm room we spot Manny coming in our direction and Justin groans loudly.

"Afternoon folks." Manny greets us and I smile for him but Justin simply rolls his eyes.

Uh, ok...what's with the snippy attitude?

"Are you here to recite some rule I'm breaking head boy?" Justin snaps and my eyes widen. "Because Delilah's not staying, she's just waiting for me so we can head out. Do I need your permission for that as well?"

"Justin!" I scold him but he ignores me.

"You're safe Justin." Manny gives him a tight smile and Justin nods, gripping my hand in his so we can leave but Manny stops us. "Actually..." Manny begins and I watch as Justin bites his lower lip harshly. "That depends on where you all are heading off to. Because, you do know that once you live on campus, you can't travel outside without the school knowing what's up. If anything happens to a student outside school grounds, the school will be held responsible and we don't want that. As long as you all remain on campus, that's fine. Headmaster Williams is the only one who issues off campus activities and he already left for the weekend so...but, you all have a nice weekend." With that said, Manny struts off leaving us behind.

Wow, what the hell is going on? What was that all about?

"Justin?" I ask in curiosity and he just groans in annoyance.

"Kid's a fucking douche Lilah. Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that I'll be getting my place next week so I won't have to be living here on campus anymore."

That's the only thing he says to me in response before we make it to his door and he swings it open to strut inside.

So, he's moving out of the dorms and off campus? Wow. Well, I know he said that's how it was supposed to be in the first place but I kind of like having Justin around on campus now.

After how he stuck up for me with Ethan, I couldn't put him down. I know I said that I was going to avoid him, but how could I after what happened the night of the party?

It showed me that Justin cared, though I don't see why. It also made me realize that maybe Justin might be good for me. Maybe he might be the friend I was longing for. It won't be the same with him living off campus, but, I'm not about to tell him that I want him to stay or I'm going to miss him or something.

I just wish that I wasn't so scared of telling him about me, about my past.

I know Justin deserves to know now that we're supposedly friends, but how and where do I even begin to tell him how fucked up I was and how stupid I was to ever get mixed up with Ethan and all his shit? Justin says he won't look at me differently, but I beg to differ.

The last thing I need is for Justin to have the same mentality about me that some of the other students here maybe have, even if they'd never say it or admit it or even talk about it.

I'm not surprised when we walk in and I see Ryan there sprawled out on his bed in only some sweats reading over his math book and getting his homework done.

I think he's the only guy on the team who takes his school work seriously. All the other guys are depending on their basketball skills to get them through school and possibly to the NBA.

They're going to be really disappointed when reality crashes down on them and they realize that not all of them will make it.

"Ryan." Justin mutters, heading over to his side of the room to grab his things for the bathroom.

"Justin." Ryan says flatly, never lifting his head from his books. "And Delilah." He adds in, a soft sigh escaping him.

Well, talk about a greeting.

"Uh hey Ry." I state, taking a seat at Justin's work desk.

"You know, that Manny kid is really looking for me to trip him one day." Justin suddenly blurts out while grabbing his towel and other shower accessories. "I'm pretty sure the other guys don't have to deal with his shit like I do. He's always rattling off some fucking warning or rule to me. I mean, give it up dude! So, I violated the uniform dress code once since I've been here..."

"Twice." I point out, interrupting Justin and he turns to look at me. "Don't give me that look Justin. You walked into your music class wearing jeans and a t-shirt last week." I laugh at the memory.

"I overslept and my uniform was dirty. I wasn't going to wear a dirty uniform Lilah. Shit, I would have done laundry by the end of the day." Justin snickers at the memory. "Point is, so what if I did? That doesn't give Manny the right to give me special treatment...which by the way I don't want." Justin huffs, shaking his head in contempt before slinging his towel over his shoulder. He should be lucky Manny didn't report him that second time instead of bitching about it.

I watch as Justin grabs his toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and body scrub and I can't help but laugh at the sight of him.

He's kind of cute when he's mad.

"What's so funny?" He smiles.

"Just go clean up Justin. You smell." I titter and he curves a brow at me.

"Thanks." He mumbles and I grin brightly for him.

"You do know the only reason Manny's extra hard on you is because of Ethan right?" Ryan speaks up and Justin and I turn to look at him.

"Meaning?" Justin questions with a deep frown on his face.

Ryan finally looks up from his books to glare at the both of us. He eyes me for a moment before giving Justin his full attention. "Listen, I'm only telling you this because I'm not exactly looking for things to get ugly. I'm not looking for another suspension on my records." Ryan begins, eyeing me when he says this and I bow my head, looking away from him. "Ethan told Manny to keep an eye on you Justin. That's why Manny is harder on you than on the rest of us. He's looking for a reason to report you, looking to see if you're breaking any rules because plain and simple, Ethan wants you gone. I warned you to not mess with him man. You don't know what the dude's capable of. Yes, he's my friend, but even as his friend I'm not afraid to say that he does tend to go overboard sometimes."

"Yeah, well you can tell Ethan all high and mighty to kiss my ass because I'm not going anywhere until my time is up. Fuck that shit." Justin growls.

"Suit yourself. I warned you. You practically declared war with him a few weeks ago when he came back to the dorms fuming after supposedly having an encounter with you and Delilah." Ryan states and I can feel my heartbeat speed up.

Oh god, please shut up Ryan.

"Ethan needs to get over his self and just leave Lilah alone. She doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. Dude's having an ego trip or something." Justin sighs.

"Really? You think that's all it is? Interesting." Ryan smiles while looking at me closely. "I take it you haven't asked miss Marshall here what's going on, or maybe you've asked her and she hasn't told you. Either way, I suggest you find out before you decide to put your hand in fire for her."

Oh god, oh god please shut up Ryan. Now is not the time!

I'm so petrified I can't even breathe right.

Justin takes a quick glance at me in curiosity but he doesn't say anything. He simply brushes Ryan off. "Why should I listen to you and you're Landing's friend?" Justin asks Ryan who shrugs.

"Don't listen to me then. But you've got to realize Justin, this isn't some big secret. You can ask any of the seniors who are still here who were there freshman year since they were freshmen themselves. A lot of crazy shit's gone down in this school. Higher Heights has a very colorful history. The only reason its records remain flawless is because the school heads do great jobs of cleaning up messes and never discussing them or bringing them up ever again. It's easy for you to get Ethan off your back. If you wanted to, you could know everything you needed to know about me, Ethan and just about any kid who goes to this school...even Delilah...just by asking. Just because our school histories aren't broadcasted for every new student who attends here, doesn't mean they don't exist. Delilah of all people should know that." Ryan explains, tilting his head to the side while he looks at me with a devious grin on his face.

Great. Just perfect.

I wish I could kill Ryan right now. He's such a fucking jerk!

"Ok man, whatever. I don't care about all of that. Just tell your boy to back off or I'll make him back off." Justin states with a shake of his head. "Lilah I'll be back. And I don't give a fuck about what Manny says or does either. We're going to take that trip and just chill. That is, if you don't mind."  Justin adds in and before I can even respond he's out the door, leaving me alone with Ryan of all people.

"You're such a fucking asshole sometimes Ryan!" I hiss angrily and he smiles with a shake of his head.

"Maybe Lilah, but I think you're more of a villain than I am to be keeping Justin in the dark like this. I think he deserves to know about your past here so he can make a fair decision on if he wants to be mixed up in your shit."

"Ethan and I are over!" I scream at him. "We're not talking anymore, we're not friends anymore! So drop it!"

"But you all never did solve your fucking issues and now it's coming back to bite the both of you in the ass. Just because the school brushed that shit under the rug doesn't make it better or easier for either of you. I wish you'd just grow some balls for once Delilah." Ryan sneers and I glare at him angrily.

"Do not tell Justin anything. I swear to god..."

"If I don't someone else will. Delilah, you don't want him finding out from anyone else, trust me. Like I said, all he has to do is ask. You really need to get it together and talk to the guy before you lose him completely. I can see that you like him, though I don't see why. Ethan sees it too which is maybe why he's reevaluating what happened between the two of you in freshman year. You won't believe me but Ethan still cares, as fucked up and as twisted as he is. He's capable of caring. He fucked up, he made a mistake. But you're no saint either. You fucked up too. The both of you did."

"I know, I know but that's in the past though. I don't see why it's such a big deal."

"It's not. Not to the rest of the school. School scandals happen all the time then when something new comes along, the previous scandal is old news. We're seniors. We're the only ones left. The freshmen, juniors and sophomores don't know. But you're hanging with Justin, you're dealing with Justin and if he makes the team..."

"Ok, ok, I get it god! This isn't fair though. I shouldn't have to relive that time in my life. I was stupid."

"We were young Delilah. We were all stupid. All you have to do is clear the air with Ethan, tell Justin what he needs to know about you and move on. It's not that hard. But I know you...and you're going to make this into a big deal when it shouldn't be. Justin and Ethan don't have to be enemies if you all would just do the adult thing and fucking solve this shit before it gets out of hand." Ryan barks and I cringe, looking down in shame.

He's right.

But how the hell do I tell Justin about me? I don't like people knowing about me. It's so hard for me to trust people and make new friends. I like being alone. Alone is safe. I'm protected from ever getting hurt when I'm alone.

And if I told Justin about my past, how can I be guaranteed that he won't make a big deal of it? Would we even still be friends? How can I know for sure that he won't be upset and maybe even try to beat up Ethan in the process? I've noted the protective streak in him. I have no idea how this will turn out.

"You're right." I finally voice weakly to Ryan who nods in agreement.

"You might want to get on that and quickly. Coach is posting up the new roster next week and if Justin is as good as I think he is, he's going to make the team. I think you know what that means."

"I know. I just...there's just no easy way to tell someone you end up caring about that you don't have the squeakiest clean past. I mean, a person's past can have a major effect on the relationships that they build with people Ryan."

"Shit happens Lilah; you need to learn how deal with it. Don't worry, I'm sure you all will be fine. I won't say anything, but I suggest you start thinking about how you're going to tell Justin what he needs to know about you."

"I hate this." I whine.

"That's life cous. Shit happens, life goes on..."

"I never could understand how you and Ethan ended up being such good friends. You're nothing alike." I laugh out. "And, you're nothing like the other jocks."

"Hey, Uncle Howard and Mr. Landing were the ones who introduced us in high school. Ethan's a cool guy for a friend. He's just a monster if he considers you the enemy." Ryan explains and it's true.

"My dad and Ethan's dad aren't friends anymore though." I point out.

There's a knowing look on Ryan's face before he bites his lip in thought. We try to stay away from family issues for obvious reasons so I know he's about to change the topic.

"Like I said, shit happens." Ryan reiterates and that's the last thing that's said between us because Justin just walked into the room dripping wet.

"Forgot my shampoo." Justin drawls before grabbing it and quickly disappearing back out the door.

My mind burns with the memory of the fact that I just saw him in his towel for like five seconds flat.

Damn.

"I can see why Ethan feels threatened by the pop star." Ryan snickers and I glare at him.

"Why?"

"Because Justin just might be gaining the one thing Ethan always regretted he lost and could never get back." Ryan chortles softly before returning to his work.

"Huh." I scoff, looking away from Ryan as an indicator that this conversation is over.

I know what Ryan said is true. I should come clean with Justin and let him get to know me before he gets mixed up with me. He deserves to know who I am because he's making an effort for me to know him as well.

But, it's not easy you know? I know people say that the past comes back to haunt you and this is a clear example of it.

Still, how can I even begin to open up to Justin?

I mean, I don't even know how to tell Justin that Ryan is my cousin on my dad's side since they clearly don't like each other, much less for telling him about my history with Ethan.

Ugh! Sometimes, I really do hate my life.