Love Remains the Same
by Leeann
Chapter 4

April 20, 2009
Monday Morning

Monday morning dawned too early for Shelby who wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of the week. The clock at the side of her bed read seven-thirty, indicating she was already running late. She needed to get herself and her children ready by eight o'clock so they could reach the studio by eight-thirty. Today was their big meeting to decide the next few months and would give them an exact release date of their new CD.

It wasn't the meeting that Shelby was dreading, but rather the sleep that she hadn't received the past few nights. Her youngest child and only son, Oliver, hadn't been sleeping at all due to his teeth. His eye teeth, or 'fang teeth' as the girls liked to call them, were coming in and he was miserable. He couldn't sleep due to the constant pain his teeth were in. Shelby couldn't seem to do anything to comfort his pain. She'd tried everything she did with Danielle, but nothing worked. The best thing she could do was wait it out. She didn't make it to her own bed until four o'clock in the morning when Oliver would finally get tired enough to succumb to sleep. He refused to sleep unless she held him so what else could she do but hold him. When he would finally fall into a deep sleep, Shelby would put him in his crib and was finally able to crawl into bed herself--only to get up in a few hours time with the other children.

Shelby knew she had to get up and get dressed so she could get her children ready and slowly pulled the covers back. She grimaced when she knew she wasn't going to have time for a shower. She threw on some sweats, not caring what she looked like after the night she'd had, and went in to wake up the kids. She found that Danielle and Grace were already sitting up playing with their dolls. She told them to get quickly get dressed and went in to wake up Oliver. She smiled when she leaned over his crib, he looked so peaceful laying there sleeping. She almost hated waking him, but she knew she had to.

She called to the little boy hoping to wake him up by just talking to him, but it seemed that he was sleeping heavier than she'd thought. She gently nudged him and felt him slowly begin to stir. After a few more times like these, Oliver was staring up at his mom. When he finally sat up, he lifted his arms and let out an ear piercing wail. Shelby could only imagine that his teeth were hurting again as he burrowed his little head in her neck. She grabbed his clothes and set him on the changing table--something that was more convenient than necessary--and set to changing his diaper then his clothes.

"There, baby, you're all better now." She soothed when she picked him back up.

"Hurts," he whimpered shoving his index finger in his mouth.

"I know, let's go get something to eat." Shelby hated when her children were in pain. She swore she could feel it down to her soul, especially when there was nothing she could do to help them.

Shelby got cereal poured for the girls and made sure they started eating before fixing Oliver some mushy baby food. He'd already passed mushy baby food ages ago, but with his teeth hurting like they had been, he had only eaten the mush. He wouldn't touch anything else. She put a bib on him and gave him the bowl full of a banana and oatmeal mixture and his own spoon.

After everyone had eaten, Shelby piled them into the car and prayed they'd make it there on time. Thankfully, she was meeting Justin at the studio where he'd watch the kids. She really needed to look for another nanny to help on days like this, but she'd had a trust issue after Carrie left. Glancing at the clock, Shelby cursed under her breath, they had ten minutes to drive the distance that usually took twenty minutes. She hated arriving late for anything, but today she couldn't really help it.

A half an hour later Shelby pulled up into the studio parking lot feeling frazzled. She was over twenty minutes late and was near tears. She was tired, emotional, and Oliver had started crying again due to his teeth. It was a sorry sight they made rushing into the studio. Justin was in the lobby and greeted them as soon as they stepped inside. Danielle ran towards him for a hug while Grace stood next to him and smiled up at him. Justin set Danielle down on the ground and stepped over to Shelby who he could tell was distressed.

"What's wrong?" He asked, the tenderness in his voice nearly pushing her over the deep end.

"Oliver's teething." Shelby answered trying her best to keep composed. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him.

"Come here, buddy," Justin took the little boy from her and Oliver immediately stopped crying.

That was the last straw for Shelby. She lost her dignity when she burst into tears right in the lobby of the studio in front of Janice, the receptionist, and Justin. She tried desperately to stop, but the emotional strain had reeked havoc on her nerves for far too long the past two days, she couldn't pull herself together.

The sight of Shelby crying tugged at Justin's very soul. He glanced at Janice who was also feeling sorry for the young woman. He motioned to her and asked if he could leave Oliver and the kids with her for a few minutes while he comforted Shelby. Janice readily agreed and took the little boy from Justin.

Justin put an arm around Shelby's shaking shoulders and led her down the hallway and into an empty conference room. He pulled her into his arms and held her to him loosely, so she could pull away if she wanted. "You're okay, Shelby." he murmured stroking her hair comfortingly.

Shelby couldn't help but wrap her arms around Justin's solid waist and burrow herself close to him. Her subconscious mind knew that it was Justin in which she clung too, but her consciousness only knew she had someone strong to lean on. She drew strength from his embrace and felt her tears begin to subside slowly.

Justin hated the fact that she was crying, but was also glad that she didn't pull away. She felt so right in his arms, like she belonged there. He had to shake his mind of such thoughts. He was merely comforting her, when she was herself then he could let his mind wander to those places.

Shelby felt herself relax and stop crying. She didn't want to move so she just stood there in Justin's embrace a bit longer than was proper--it felt nice to be held. She inhaled deeply and felt her nose plugged and Justin was right there handing her a tissue. She turned her head to the side and blew her nose and when she was finished she put her head back against Justin's chest. She inhaled deeply and nearly fainted. It was a scent she hadn't smelled in years, but could recognize anywhere. It was Justin, plain and simple.

She lifted her head and looked up at him. He was gazing down at her with such a compassionately tender look she nearly started crying again. She held herself together and smiled faintly. "I'm sorry to fall apart like that."

Justin just smiled back and moved a stray lock of hair behind her ear and assured her it was okay. "Don't worry about it, Velma, I know you're under a lot of stress. The lack of sleep from Oliver's teething just made it worse. Are you feeling better?"

Shelby merely nodded and cursed her stomach for the butterflies it felt when he touched her hair and called her Velma. "I should probably find the others and get to my meeting. I'm already really late."

"I'm sure Janice let them know," Justin answered not really wanting this moment to end.

Shelby nodded and began to pull away from him toward the door. Justin stopped her by pulling her back to him. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead that sent more butterflies reeling to her stomach. Her eyes were wide as she stared back into his. She knew she couldn't let him have that control over her again so she turned toward the door and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Inhaling deeply Shelby staggered back against the wall. The spot where Justin had kissed her forehead was still burning. She could easily fall into his arms and live there forever, but she couldn't afford the pain that was sure to come with it. She needed to be strong for herself.

"Shelby?" Ryan called out spotting her standing there.

"Ryan!" She said walking toward him.

"Are you okay? We were getting really worried. Janice told us that you lost it in the lobby and Justin took you off somewhere." Ryan said holding her by the arms and making sure she was okay.

"I'm fine Ry," Shelby nodded. "Let's go. I'll tell you bout it on the way there."

Shelby told Ryan what happened and was just finishing up by the time they got to the conference room where their meeting was being held--across the building from where Justin took her. Everyone was relieved to see her when they walked through the door. Shelby assured them that she was okay and they finally began the meeting.

"Now that we're all here let's begin." Christian, their manager, said looking at his notes.

Christian had been with them since before they released their first record. The band interviewed him personally and found he was the only candidate that would stay true to who they were as a band and help them along the way into stardom. He was part of the Broken Angel family in every way. He went on tour with them and he spoke on their behalf to the record company as well as in other areas.

"I think the first thing to discuss is the new album. The final song selection was just made and they are waiting your approval on the title for the record. The exec's feel that the title 'Near to You' is the best fit for the songs and the album as a whole, they were going to go with Love Remains the Same, but they thought that Near to You was better. The song itself won't be the first single, because it is a slow song, but that is their suggestion for the title. Here is the final track list," Christian handed them each a sheet of paper with a list of songs on it.

Shelby looked down at the list and nodded approvingly. All of her favorite songs that they'd recorded made the cut.

1. Animal I've Become
2. Smother Me
3. Near to You
4. Love Remains the Same
5. Blood On My Hands
6. The Only Exception
7. Zero
8. Brick by Boring Brick
9. Ignorance
10. I'm a Fake
11. All I Wanted
12. Let This Go
13. Liar Liar (Burn in Hell)
14. Beside You
15. The Time of Our Lives

The only one that Shelby didn't think would make the cut was the last song. It was different from the other songs on the record, except the song they wanted to make the title. She set the paper down and looked at the boys to get their reactions.

"I like the song list," Ryan nodded approvingly.

"Me too," Shelby agreed.

"What do you think of using Near to You as the title?" Ryan asked her. He thought it was a good idea, but he knew how she felt about the song and how personal it was to her.

"I think it works," Jason added.

"I say we should use it. It does encompass everything that the record is about." Shelby nodded giving her approval.

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked.

Shelby nodded and turned her attention back to Christian who was sure to give them more information concerning the record.

"The first single is going to be 'The Time of Our Lives' and they want to release it by May 1st. They sent a sample of the track to radio stations and heard good feedback from it." Christian said looking to his notes again.

"Really? They want to release that song first? That's so much different from any of the other songs on the record. Is that a wise move?" Ryan asked.

"It's an excellent first single. It's a dance song and it will encourage fans to buy the album to see what the rest of the songs will be. We'll also be releasing 'Animal' on iTunes at the same time, so they will get a glimpse of what else is in store."

"Okay, I think that is actually a good idea," Ryan nodded in approval.

"When are they going to release the whole CD?" Shelby asked.

"June 2nd." Christian answered. "Most of May will be used to promote the record. You'll be doing a lot of radio interviews as well as talk shows, those will probably start around the middle of May. Between now and the 1st of May you will need to record the video for both 'Time' and 'Animal'. They're hoping that the buzz is going to be around both songs so much that fans will demand a video for 'Animal'. If it doesn't happen that's okay, because that song will eventually get released, but we're going to shoot both videos."

"About a week after the album comes out, you'll start rehearsing for your summer tour. They want to go big this time around. They have a few Warped Tour shows booked, but your headlining tour will begin around the middle of July. Shelby, you should know that the tour kicks off at the North Dakota State Fair, in Minot. The person I talked to on the phone was some twit named Ginger or something like that, anyway said you were from there so the least you could do is stop there. I guess you're really popular there."

Shelby stared at Christian like he'd had two heads. They were starting their tour in Minot? She didn't want to, she never wanted to go back there again. It wasn't that she was a snob and didn't hold true to her roots, but the place held nothing but bad memories for her. She almost said as much, but decided she was bigger than that and there was nothing that would stop her from going to Minot and playing her heart out. She could, no she WOULD do this and they would get a damned good show. She wasn't the same person that she used to be. Ginger, Tyler, and all the other people she graduated with would see that she didn't need them and that their opinions did not matter. She was above that.

"Who are the openers going to be?" Ryan asked interrupting her thoughts.

"They haven't picked anyone yet, I think they have a few ideas, but they were pretty hush hush about it." Christian answered.

"How long is the tour going to be?" Jason questioned.

"Well they are still trying to secure a few more U.S. and Canada dates, but tentatively the beginning of October. After that, you'll have a few weeks to come up with a new set list for the international leg of the tour. That will begin November 11th in London."

Shelby and the boys stared at him a bit apprehensively. This would be the first time they went touring international. They had been overseas for the release of their first album, but it wasn't anything as extensive as an actual tour.

"I do have some bad news for you though, Shelby. The children won't be able to come with you on the international tour. There's going to be too much going on and going through customs as often as we will be with three children just isn't feasible. I'm sorry."

Shelby went pale at thought of not seeing her babies for any length of time let alone the months they'll be over there.

"Surely there's something we can do," Ryan asked on her behalf.

"Their plane tickets and everything would have to be paid out of pocket and they would have to be with a nanny all the time."

"How many times are we actually flying?" Shelby asked feeling a sense of impending doom. Plane tickets for three children could get expensive, fast.

"Well we'll be flying to get there and then taking a bus throughout Europe and then we'll have to fly to Asia and fly back at least. It will be expensive." Christian added apologetically.

Shelby could probably afford to pay for their tickets to fly out, but after that she didn't think she would. They were making money daily, with album sales and merch sales from their web site, but that didn't mean she could just blow everything she made. She had to think about putting money away for when the kid got older and decided to go to college. She couldn't drop money on plane tickets across the world. It was going to be a lonely few months without her babies with her.

"I understand," Shelby answered with the nod of her head.

"I really am sorry, I wish there was something else I could do, but my hands are tied." Christian gave her a smile of apology.

"What else do we need to discuss?" Ryan asked changing the subject.

"That about does it for now." Christian said straightening his papers back into one pile before standing up.

The others watched Christian get up and walk out then they turned their attention to Shelby.

"What are you going to do with the kids?" Ryan questioned.

"I want to bring them with me, but I'm not paying for plane tickets, that's just too expensive. I guess I'll ask Kit if he can watch them." Shelby shrugged not really wanting to talk about it until she'd had a chance to think about it.

"They would never last with him for that long. You know they would walk all over him. If you're going to ask anyone, you'd be better off asking Justin. He is, after all, Danielle's father."

Shelby felt her insides quavering. She didn't want to leave her children with Justin for a long period of time, but Ryan had a point. Justin would be the best candidate to watch the kids. He survived a weekend with them after all. She'd have to think about how to approach the subject. It wasn't as though she could just walk up to him and say, 'hey can you put your life on hold and watch my children?' No, she had to do it another way. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see when the boys left her and when the very subject of her thoughts came in with the kids.

"Mommy!" Danielle squealed seeing her sitting there.

"Hey, baby, did you have fun with daddy?" Shelby said with a tender smile, her thoughts completely focused on her child.

"I did. He wants us all to come over for dinner; can we mommy?" Danielle asked.

Shelby looked up at Justin who just stood there looking down at her. She raised an eyebrow at him and wondered what he was thinking.

"Do you want to come over for lunch? Just a meal among friends, no strings attached." Justin added the last part after she'd looked hesitant.

"Yeah, that would be all right. I have to talk to you about something anyway. I have to go meet Kit first though, is it okay if I meet you and the kids there?" Shelby asked.

Justin couldn't deny that he was immediately jealous of the aforementioned boyfriend, but there was nothing he could do about it. If there was one thing he'd learned about his past mistakes with Shelby was that meddling was not the answer. If she wanted to be with Kit, let her. Justin himself wasn't sure if he was ready to be in a relationship with her. He needed to take things slowly and get to know her again. If he meant to be with her, it had to be for life this time, he couldn't break her heart again, he wouldn't.

"Sure take all the time you need. If you want, you could always invite him." Justin told her, surprising himself when he invited Kit.

"I need to talk to you about something important, so I don't think it would be good having Kit there. Should I bring anything?" Shelby asked.

"Just yourself and your appetite." Justin answered with a smile.

"Do you want to take the kids now and I'll meet you at your place?" Shelby asked.

"Sure, that works for me." Justin nodded.

With that Shelby gave her babies a hug then walked out to car and went to Kit's work to meet with him.

"Hey baby," Kit said when he saw her walk in.

"Hey, Kit," Shelby said with a smile. "Can you take a break? I need to talk to you."

"Sure, just let me go tell Mason that he's got the floor," Kit turned to another guy that was there and told him he was in charge then went around the counter to meet Shelby. "What's up?"

"I'm going to ask Justin to watch the girls for a few weeks when we go over seas for a while starting in November, I just wanted to tell you." Shelby said just blurting it out.

"Why can't I watch them?" Kit said getting defensive.

"Because, Justin is Danielle's father and he's good with them. Besides, I don't want you to miss a bunch of work because of it," Shelby explained.

Kit didn't like the idea of Justin watching Shelby's children for any amount of time. He knew he was being ridiculous because he was jealous, but he couldn't help it. Now that he finally found the woman he thought he could spend the rest of his life with, he didn't want to give her up. He knew he was being unfair, but he didn't trust Justin. With all the history Shelby and Justin shared would it be easy for her to just fall back into his arms? Hopefully he would never have to experience that, but time would only tell. Maybe it was time he think about taking their relationship to the next level.

"I guess. Do what you have to do then," Kit said nodding tersely.

"Thanks, I will." Shelby said kissing him on the cheek. "Listen, I have to get going now, but I'll talk to you later?"

"Okay, sure," Kit nodded.

"Love you," Shelby said hugging him.

"Love you too, babe."

Shelby left and headed back toward Justin, feeling dread over the impending conversation. It wasn't that she was nervous, but she wasn't sure how it would go over. It was one thing for Justin to take the kids for a weekend, but for an entire tour? Could he handle it? What if something went wrong? She wouldn't be a phone call away to come get them, she would be an entire ocean away.