April 11, 2009
Two Days Later
Shelby awoke Saturday morning with a feeling of unease burning in the pit of her stomach. Today was the day she would be spending the entire day at Justin's house, but not only that; she was also spending the night. Lynn had called the previous night to make sure she was still coming, according to Lynn, Danielle and the kids were excited to spend the entire weekend with the both of them.
The worst part of the weekend for Shelby was going to be spending so much time with Justin. She was quite sure that she didn't have any lingering feelings for him other than friendship, but things were going to be different. They would be spending the day together with their daughter for the first time ever. It was something she'd always imagined, but never thought would come true. What would it be like to see Justin with their daughter, she always knew he'd make a good father.
Sitting up in bed, Shelby looked at the sleeping form next to her and smiled. He was such a contrast from Justin. Although she was attracted to him, and he often spent the night at her house, they'd never actually slept together. In the few months they'd been together, there had been times when they could have had sex, but for some reason it just didn't feel right to Shelby. She wanted to wait until it finally felt right, so it wouldn't ruin things between them. She touched his bare chest with a gentle hand and spoke in a quiet voice.
"Kit, wake up."
The older man in the bed next to her just grunted and continued to sleep. Shelby repeated the process until he finally opened his green eyes and looked at her.
“Time to get up,” Shelby told him.
Kit shook his head and pulled her back down to lay next to him with her head on his chest. “I don’t want to get up yet, I just want to lay here with you.”
“Well I guess we can wait a few more minutes.” Shelby said with a smile. She snuggled closer to him and inhaled deeply.
“What time do you have to leave?” Kit asked.
“What do you mean me? You are coming too, aren’t you?” Shelby asked lifting her head to look at him.
“I have to work. I thought I told you that.” Kit answered.
“You were supposed to be off today. You promised.” Shelby answered trying not to let her disappointment show.
“I know, honey, but I am the manager I have to be there when a band as big as The Used is playing. I know I’m letting you down, but I have no choice. I don’t trust Levi with this big of a responsibility yet.”
“You are going to come tomorrow, though, right?”
“Yeah, I will be there before dinner tomorrow.” Kit promised, knowing she was disappointed.
“Well, do whatever you have to I guess.”
Shelby sat up and stared straight ahead while her mind processed this turn of events. She would be spending the entire day with Justin. She hoped that Lynn would also be there all day so it wouldn’t be so awkward. Danielle had the tendency to speak her mind and if what she said at home was any indication of what she’d say around her father, then she may end up embarrassed.
“You aren’t mad at me are you?” Kit asked putting a hand on her lower back.
“No, I’m not. I understand that you have to work. I’m just glad you can at least come tomorrow.” Shelby said with a somewhat forced smile.
Getting out of bed with a sigh, Shelby knew she only had an hour before she needed to be at Justin’s so getting ready was important. She went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the long day. After her twenty minute shower, she packed a small over night bag with everything she'd need for her stay. She also a packed a few more things for Oliver and Grace just in case something had come up. She didn't pack anything extra for Danielle, because she knew that Justin had had clothes and things from previous visits.
~*~
"daddy, is mommy coming?" Danielle asked Justin who was getting the little girl dressed.
"I'm not sure Punkin, I haven't talked to her since we left your house. I think she is though."
"I hope she is. I miss her and I want her help to dye eggs." Danielle told him.
"I hope she comes too, honey," Justin said with sincerity.
Justin did hope that Shelby was still coming. It had been a long time since they had been in the same place together for more than a few minutes at a time. The last time they had actually talked was when she had dismissed him after the U.S. tour had ended nearly two years ago.
That was a day he'd like to forget. Shelby had finally admitted that she loved him still, but he'd foolishly let her go again. Unfortunately it was in the past, and there was nothing he could do about it except move on.
"When is grandma coming back?" Grace asked him interrupting his thoughts.
"As soon as she gets done with her grocery shopping. She is picking up the eggs and the dye you know," Justin answered.
"Then we have to cook the eggs so they don't break." Danielle informed him.
"I know that, darlin', but thank you for telling me. Do you two want to watch a movie while we wait for mommy?" Justin asked the question to them both.
"I'm hungry, daddy," Danielle answered standing up.
"Me too," Grace said nodding in agreement
"Okay, let's go get some food." Justin stood up and led the girls out to the hallway then sent them toward the kitchen before going to check on Oliver, who was still sleeping in Justin's room.
"I'll be right there," Justin said calling after them. He walked the short distance down the hall to his room and quietly opened the door.
Justin found the little boy standing in his play pen holding his dirty diaper in one hand and laughing. Unfortunately for both of them the diaper that he was waving around contained poop which was now covering the little guy and all of his bedding.
"Poop," Oliver said handing him the diaper.
"I see that, bud." Justin couldn't help but smile at the sight the little boy made. "Should we get you cleaned up?"
Justin grabbed Oliver's dirty blankets first, then took the boy's shirt off and went downstairs to throw them in the washing machine. After he got the load started, he quickly went back upstairs to his room to grab the child. He picked up the little man while cringing at the smell and took him out of the room. He took Oliver with him down to the kitchen to check on the girls and get them their cereal.
"Ew." Grace said when she saw Justin carrying her soiled brother.
"I know. I'll get your cereal then you have to sit here and eat it while I give this guy a hose down. Grace, help your sister if she needs it."
Justin got the cereal down from the cupboard followed by four bowls and the milk from the refrigerator. He then took Oliver into the bathroom and set him in the bathtub. Justin grimaced when he saw the poop now on his own clothing.
"I think it'll be easier if I just take a shower with you, what do you say buddy?"
Justin took his own clothes off and threw them in a dirty basket in the corner of the room and turned on the water. He adjusted the temperature so it was the appropriate degree of warmth before picking up Oliver. He stepped under the spray and proceeded to wash the poop off of Oliver. Justin loved showering the with little boy. He'd always imagined how it would be to have a son of his own and Oliver had instantly warmed his heart. He thought of Danielle and Shelby and was saddened that he'd missed probably the most precious years of her life. Now that he was in her life, however, he wasn't going anywhere.
They got out of the shower and Justin on some jeans before putting a diaper on Oliver. He was carrying him into the kitchen to check on the girls when someone knocked on the door. He saw Danielle jump up and start to run down the stairs to the door.
"Danielle, stay here, let me open it." He called out, stopping her in her tracks.
"Sorry daddy," she said looking up at him with a quivering look.
Justin just smiled down at her and went downstairs to open the door.
A very shocked Shelby stood on the other side of the door. She couldn't think of a single thing to say as she stared at him, she was unnerved by the sight of his naked chest. It was all too obvious that he had just gotten out of the shower and the way he held her son gave an all too familiar, yet unwanted, stirring in her stomach.
"Did you want to come in?" Justin asked opening the door for her. He smiled smugly when he shut the door behind her and turned around to face her. It had been obvious that his attire, or lack there of, had bothered her. He couldn't help but feel smug about it. "Come upstairs, everyone's in the kitchen."
Shelby followed Justin to the kitchen trying not to concentrate on the bare back in front of her. She was a grown woman for God's sake, something as simple as Justin should not bother her to such distraction. Even if she had been in love with him in the past.
"Hi, Mommy," Danielle said holding her arms up to be held.
"Hey baby," Shelby put down her bag and picked up her daughter and hugged her tightly.
"Oliver pooped all over. He had to shower." She informed her mother while pointing at her brother who was still in Justin's arms.
"Did you poop all over?" Shelby asked her son, setting down Danielle to take him from Justin.
Oliver just nodded and clung to Justin who was smiling at the little boy.
"Let's go get dressed little man," Justin said to Oliver. "I think your mother would appreciate it if I had a shirt on."
Shelby felt her face turning a bright shade of red as Justin held her gaze and spoke that last phrase toward her. She had to force herself to look away and focus on her daughter.
"Are you excited to dye eggs today?"
"Yeah, Grandma Lynn went to get the stuff. Are you hungry? We were eating cereal, Grace let me pour my own milk."
"Wow, Grace, that was very nice of you. You'll help Danielle feel like a big girl. How was your time with Justin?" Shelby asked turning her full attention to her eldest daughter.
"It has been fun. I missed you though." Grace answered in her usual gentle, quiet tone of voice.
"I missed you too, sweetie." Shelby smiled and opened her arms for the girl and held her tightly.
Grace had come a long way since she had lost her mother and was slowly becoming just like her old self.
Shelby looked around at the kitchen and started cleaning things up a bit, it was the least she could do.
Justin finished putting clothes on Oliver and threw on a shirt himself, smiling when he recalled the shocked expression on Shelby's face. This weekend was going to be interesting indeed. He knew one thing for sure, he had to get her alone sometime so they could just talk.
"Let's go join the others." Justin told Oliver who was quietly playing with a pile of clean socks.
"Up, daddy."
Justin stood there in momentary shock. This was the first time Oliver had called him daddy. It made him feel proud to have Oliver call him daddy.
"Come on little man," Justin smiled as he picked up the little boy and headed to the kitchen where he knew everyone would be. What he wasn't expecting, however, was Shelby to be cleaning the kitchen.
He stood silent for a moment watching her and smiled. What a vision she made standing there in her knee length skirt with bare feet, swaying to a beat in her head while she rinsed out the dishes to put in the dish washer.
He cleared his throat to get her attention and said, "You don't have to do that."
"That's okay, I don't mind," Shelby shrugged.
Just then there was a sound at the front door downstairs and they heard Lynn's voice announcing to everyone that she was back.
Lynn headed to the kitchen and paused when she stepped in the room. The first thing that caught and held her attention was the very family oriented scene before her. Shelby was comfortably rinsing dishes and loading the dish washer while the kids gathered around Justin, Oliver in his very arms.
"Hey Shelby, when did you get here?" She asked, announcing her presence.
Shelby turned around and saw Lynn standing there. "Not long ago, maybe ten minutes."
"Been here all of ten minutes and my inconsiderate son puts you to work? What am I going to do with him," Lynn smiled moving to hug the younger woman.
"No ma'am, I just started doing this when he was getting Oliver dressed. I don't mind housework, it keeps me grounded." Shelby answered returning the hug
"Please don't call me ma'am, call me mama. It hasn't been that long since I told you to call me that."
Shelby recalled a previous conversation in which Lynn had instructed her to refer to her as mama.
"I know, Lynn, I just wasn't expecting this. Last time I saw her they had a huge fight," Shelby answered with a sigh.
"Call me mama, we are practically family after all," Lynn said hugging her. "Stick with me, and I'll take care of my son."
"Thank you mama." Shelby said gratefully, feeling tears build up in her eyes.
"No tears now love, we don't want you ruining your make up. Come on, I'll show you to your room and you can unpack." Lynn said grabbing her hand.
That day was the beginning of the end of everything Shelby had built up for Justin. He broke her heart a second time and it was her fault because she let him get that close when every thread of her brain told her to stay away from him. It was just after Shelby and Justin had made love, and he had hurt her so bad when it had ended. It was in the past now, so there was no sense crying over it. She was quite sure that she was over him and that she'd never fall into his trap again. He didn't have any control over her anymore.
"Hello, earth to Shelby." Lynn said flashing her hand in front of Shelby's face.
"I'm sorry, Lynn. I spaced out for a second." Shelby said with a sheepish grin. She dared not look at Justin for fear he'd read her thoughts, he'd been so good at that.
"That's all right dear. Come sit with me, it's been a long time since we last talked." Lynn grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hallway before Justin stopped them.
"She hasn't seen her room yet, may want to take her there." Justin stated.
"You didn't even show her to her room? What kind of manners do you have?"
"It's not my fault. We were busy when she first got here. You'll be staying in the same room," Justin spoke the last sentence to Shelby and watched as she nodded curtly and turn back to Lynn. He realized at that moment that it was going to take a lot to gain her trust on even the most basic level of friendship.
Lynn led Shelby to her room and held the door open for her. The room was just as big and glorious as she'd remembered. Shelby stepped inside and immediately gravitated toward the window that looked out into the backyard. The view was so breathtaking that Shelby had to remind herself that Lynn was still in the room waiting to talk to her.
Shelby turned around to talk to Lynn, but the older woman was nowhere to be found. Justin instead, was standing there staring at her with such intent in his eyes that she felt a bit of nervousness. She fully comprehended the fact that they were totally alone.
"What are you doing here?" She asked finally finding her voice.
"We need to talk," Justin answered coming closer.
Shelby's eyes darted from the door to Justin and back again. She wondered if it would be possible to make a run for it.
Justin seemed to read her mind when he said, "Don't think about escaping, we need to talk. We might as well get this over with now. Maybe some of this unnecessary awkwardness between us will disappear."
"What is there to talk about?" Shelby asked defiantly.
"You, me, us, just...everything."
"There is no us."
"Would you just talk to me? Come here." Justin grabbed Shelby's hand and led her out of her room and down the stairs into a room Shelby had never seen before. She looked around at all the awards on the wall that he'd won when he was with Nsync and as a solo act. She took it all in while Justin shut the door behind them. The sound made her jump as she turned to look at Justin.
"Why don't you sit down." Justin said gesturing to a plush black sofa.
Shelby looked at the piece of furniture as if it had the plague then decided there was no getting out of this. She sighed deeply then sat down on the couch and stared at Justin, waiting for him to begin.
Justin said down on the chair opposite her so she would have to look right at him. Now that he had her to himself, he found himself unsure of what to say.
"Did you bring me in here to stare at me?" Shelby asked getting annoyed.
"No. Like I said, we need to talk. It would be nice if we could be friends, even if just for our daughters' sake. I just think we need to talk. The only time we've really talked was the time you called me and told me about Danielle. I should probably tell you, that when you told me over the phone I got so angry. I understand why you didn't tell me after I broke up with you, but why didn't you tell me when we were friends again--when we were both on tour together."
"There were a lot of reasons I didn't tell you. The first reason was because of Cameron. I didn't want that wench anywhere near my daughter. After a while I did find myself wanting to tell you. I wanted to so bad. And then after that night we made- well you know; you got mean and said you didn't want kids. It broke my heart to hear you say that knowing that you already had one. After that night I knew I couldn't tell you," Shelby answered drudging up unwanted memories.
She was content with her life now, she didn't need any more drama with Justin to change that contentment.
"So were you ever going to tell me?" Justin asked leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees.
"I honestly don't know. When I called you up and told you, it was because Danielle was asking about her father. I knew then that I couldn't keep it from her any more and that it wasn't fair for either one of you. I wanted to tell you, please believe me. I just felt that I couldn't. I also don't want the kids to get caught up in the middle of tabloid drama. Our fans have been very supportive of me being a single mother, but I'd hate to see their reactions if they found out Danielle was actually your daughter too. Our relationship was never even publicized." Shelby explained, unable to look at Justin for fear of what she may read in his eyes.
What Shelby didn't see, was the compassion in eyes. He didn't hate her and he totally understood where she was coming from. He never took Danielle out in public because of that very reason and told Shelby that.
"I couldn't bear the thought of Danielle being stormed by a bunch of idiot paparazzi. That's why I never go out when I have her. I think it would be different if we were together and everyone knew we were all a family. However, under the current circumstances it would be best if it stays this way."
Shelby couldn't help but feel a bit of longing when he thought of them as a family. She had to ignore them because it would never happen.
"I'm glad you feel that way too." Shelby nodded unsure of what else to say.
"So, tell me about your new man. What's he like?" Justin said changing the subject.
"Why do you care?" Shelby demanded.
"I want us to be friends, remember? It's only natural for friends to share these kinds of things." Justin answered matter of factly.
"Well, I don't know, he's cool." Shelby answered feeling rather awkward to be talking about her boyfriend with Justin of all people.
"Come on Shelby, you can do better than that. How'd you meet him? What attracted you to him? Give me details!" Justin probed.
"I'm sorry, I just don't see why you want to know. Don't you think this is awkward?"
"I don't think so. Just pretend I'm Joey or something, I know you guys are still good friends."
"Fine. What can I say, I met him at his job. He's the general manager of a club that our band had played at a few times. One day he asked me out and I said yes with reluctance."
"Why didn't you want to?" Justin asked.
"I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in a relationship yet. I thought he was good looking and all that, but for me it has to be more than that. I have to be with someone who is very patient and understanding. It's been a very slow process for us because of the kids and my past. We've been together for about three months now and we still haven't been intimate. He spends the night sometimes, but we haven't actually slept together." Shelby answered.
Justin just stared at her unsure what to think. It seemed to him that if she felt that way, maybe they weren't suited for each other after all. Not like he was going to tell her that, but the thought did cross his mind.
"Do you love him?" he questioned.
"Maybe. He's good to us. He helps out with the kids and he seems to have accepted them as his own."
Justin again wasn't sure how to respond. When she put it that way, it sounded like she loved what he did for them and not for the guy himself. He told her as much.
"It sounds to me like you like the idea of him. You haven't really said much about him, just what he does for you. You need someone to take care of you, not just the kids."
"The kids are my number one priority. I have to see to them first," Shelby said feeling anger begin to burn.
"I understand that Shelby, I'm just saying don't choose a man just for their sake. They would be better off without a father figure than that." Justin told her calmly.
"How DARE you sit there and tell me how to live my life." Shelby said standing up. "This conversation is over."
"I never meant to upset you, Shelby." Justin said with a sigh.
"No you just want to sit on your high and mighty throne and judge me. I'll have you remember that you gave up any right you had to tell me what to do. You gave that up a long time ago."
With that, Justin watched Shelby walk out the door in a hurry. She had a point though, he didn't have a right to tell her what to do. It was really just an opinion though, he didn't actually expect her to follow it.
Going into her room, Shelby quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She always carried such an outfit for her traditional morning run. For months now Shelby had found that running was an invigorating way to begin the day. She also knew a good hard run would help her calm down. She finished dressing then grabbed her iPOD and told Lynn where she was going and took off.
She wasn't too familiar with the neighborhood, so she decided to just go down the block and just keep going in a straight line. Once she started running, Shelby slowly began to feel better. She had her favorite music playing in her ears and she let herself run at full speed. Once she began to feel the stitch burning uncomfortable in her side, she slowed down to a job and eventually a walk as she got closer to Justin's house. She stretched out her tired muscles then went inside to shower, unaware of the conversation being held elsewhere.
"Just because I agree with you, doesn't mean that you should have told her that," Lynn told her son.
"I know mom, but I just think she's with him for all the wrong reasons. It sounded to me like she was being to selfless and putting her kids first. I think that's a good idea, but not when it comes to finding a man. She needs someone to take care of her and cherish her, not just the kids."
Lynn was amazed by the look on her sons face. If she knew her boy at all she'd say he was in love with the young woman in question. "Someone like you?" Lynn asked gently.
Justin looked at his mom like she'd just cursed in front of him. He mulled it over in his head for a minute. Did he want to b e that person? The man who would be there for her for the rest of her life. The one who would calm her fears, who would protect her and keep her. The answer scared the young man down to his soul.
"It's not like that mom," Justin denied.
"Okay honey, just be sure you know what you're doing." Lynn answered with a nod. She knew she'd given her son a lot to think about. She had a feeling things were going to get interesting--very interesting.
Chapter End Notes:
sorry it took so long to update. feedback is good :)
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