April 9th, 2009
Los Angeles, CA
"Mommy, is he here yet?" asked an excited little girl with blonde hair, never taking her eyes off the window she was looking through.
"No, baby, he's running a few minutes late. Why don't you come over here and play with your brother. I think he can already tell you're going without him."
Danielle's brother Oliver was Nancy's son whom Shelby had adopted when the younger girl decided not to keep him. Shelby couldn't stand the little baby being given to strangers so she took him in willingly and she'd adopted him along with Gracie, the other girl she had custody of.
Shelby swallowed thickly trying to remain strong for her children. This was the first Easter that she wouldn't be celebrating with her youngest daughter Danielle. Two years ago--a month after she left the tour with Justin--she broke the news that he was Danielle's father.
He'd been very upset at first, but after about six months he'd come around and started talking to her again. Shelby had continued to to drop Danielle off at Justin's house at Lynn's request where Shelby had assumed Justin saw them too.
Today was also the first day that Justin himself was coming to pick her up. It was just a little tough for her. Really it shouldn't be, because she'd went without Danielle before, but for some reason today was hard on her.
"You're going to be okay," Kit said putting his arm around her. He'd never met Justin before, but Shelby had explained her situation with the singer up front. Shelby was a, one of a kind, special young woman that he didn't want to let get away.
"I am really thankful that you came today. I needed the support. I'm normally fine, but--ugh I don't know." Shelby sighed throwing her hands up in frustration.
"Don't worry about it, honey," he said squeezing her tightly.
"I'm sorry, I'll be quiet."
Kit opened his mouth to reply when the doorbell rang causing Shelby to jump.
"Is that daddy?" Danielle asked running to the door.
"Danielle-Nicole get back here, daddy doesn't usually ring the doorbell." Shelby said getting up to open the door before her over zealous daughter could.
It was Justin on the other side of the door to Shelby's dismay, but she was proud of herself for her heart not jumping when she saw him.
"Can I come in?" he asked cautiously.
"Yeah, sure, sorry." Shelby mentally shook her head and stood back to let him in. She looked at Kit who had just shut his phone and looked back at her apologetically.
"That was work, I have to go in early. Sorry babe," he said coming to stand in front of her.
"I understand. Call me later though okay?" Shelby smiled her bravest hoping it would be enough.
"You bet. Come here." Kit pulled her into his arms and held her tightly for a moment before kissing her on the lips.
"Bye Kit." Danielle said from her fathers arms.
"See you in a few days Squirt," he said giving her his biggest smile.
Justin watched as Shelby walked Kit to the door wondering who he was. Justin hadn't been aware that she had a boyfriend and for some reason the thought didn't sit well with him.
"How are you daddy?" Danielle asked interrupting his thoughts.
"I'm good pumpkin, how are you?" Justin answered smiling at his daughter.
It was still some what of a shock to him that he had a five almost six year old daughter. He'd been upset with Shelby when she'd first told him about Danielle, but after a few months and countless conversations with his mother--whom he later found out had known about her grandchild long before he had--he'd realized that Shelby had a reason for not telling him.
First, he had basically abandoned her after they'd first broke up and second when they did speak again while on tour with her band he had told her numerous times that he wasn't ready for kids.
"Daddy? Did you hear me?" Danielle asked a second time.
"No, pumpkin, I spaced out. What did you say?"
"I asked if Oliver and Grace could come. I want to dye eggs with them." Danielle asked.
"Shelby felt all the blood leave her face. She hadn't been alone in years and she would greatly miss them if they left.
"Danielle, maybe daddy doesn't want to take them. You know what I told you about them." Shelby cautioned as gently as she could.
"I know mommy, they have a different daddy. But my daddy is fun, I just wanted to share him with them." Danielle explained to her mother. "Please, daddy, can we take them?"
"If it's all right with your mother I don't have a problem with it. It should be interesting with all three of you." Justin agreed hoping he wasn't stepping on any toes by agreeing to it.
Shelby wanted with all her heart to say no but she just couldn't do that to Danielle. She had been looking forward to spending time with her father for days and all she could talk about was dyeing easter eggs.
"Yeah, that's okay," Shelby answered. "I just have to pack their suitcases then."
Justin watched Shelby get up and walk into the living room to get down a short hallway that he assumed led to the kids' room. He put Danielle on the floor and told her to play with her brother and sister while he went to talk to her mother.
"Shelby are you sure it's okay that I take the kids? You seem upset." Justin asked watching her put together Gracie's toys.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," came the shaky reply.
Shelby didn't want Justin to see how much this was affecting her as she packed Gracie's things. If he wanted to take all three kids with him that would be okay. It should impress her that he wanted to take the two children that weren't his. A lot of children had absent parents who didn't want anything to do with their children.
"Shelby," Justin said gently grabbing her arm to turn her around so that she faced him. "Are you really okay with this? Because I won't take them with me if it's going to hurt you."
Shelby looked up into the eyes of man who was once the love of her life and tried not to get lost in his eyes or in the warmth of his touch. She would be strong and not fall into his trap again. By all that was holy he was not going to get close enough to hurt her again. She took a step back and reassured him that she was fine and was going to be fine.
"Tell you what, why don't they come with me and then on Saturday you can come paint eggs or whatever and then stay over night and have dinner with us on Sunday. I know my mom would love to have you over, she asks about you all the time." Justin suggested praying she'd say yes so he could spend more time with her.
"Only if Kristopher can come with me." Shelby answered.
"Kristopher?" Justin asked.
"Yeah, Kristopher, also known as Kit. The guy who was just here and left."
"Oh, yeah I guess that would be okay." Justin said nodding reluctantly.
"Then we'll just come over in the morning on Saturday?" Shelby asked moving to Oliver's room to pack his things.
"Sounds good, do you need any help with any of this?" Justin asked referring to the clothes she was packing.
"No, I think I'll be good. I just have to finish packing Oliver's bag. He's potty training so you have to make sure you work with him every day."
Justin stared at her blankly and wondered if he was ready for the big responsibility he was taking on for the weekend.
"It's not that hard, Justin. I'm sure Lynn will be more than happy to help you. Basically you have to put him in underwear in the morning and then make sure he sits on the toilet every half an hour or so. He has to get potty trained as soon as possible. There was a kid at the day care I used to work at that was almost four and he still wasn't potty trained yet. It gets harder the older they get." Shelby answered zipping up his suitcase.
“Oh, right I'm sure it'll be fine. So this is all the stuff they'll need?” Justin asked of the gym bag turned suitcase he'd just handed her.
“Yeah, that should be all.” Shelby nodded.
“Okay,” Justin nodded unsure of what else to say.
Shelby cursed the awkward silence that had established itself among them and tried to think of something to say. This was the first time in a long time that they'd really been alone together and for the life of her she didn't know what to say.
If it was like old times she would have had a ton of things to say, but when everything had ended after the tour she found herself at a loss for words. They had lived two completely separate lives when they'd moved on and had only saw each other at award shows and the few times Justin had actually come to pick up Danielle himself.
She turned to leave the room and went back down the hall to get the kids ready to leave. She assumed Justin would follow so she just walked out without him.
Justin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It shouldn't be this difficult to be alone with her, he thought to himself.
“Daddy?” Danielle asked giving him something to distract his thoughts with.
“What's up pumpkin?” he responded moving to the living room.
“Can we go now? I can't wait to see grandma.” She smiled showing the dimples in her cheeks.
“Sure, we just have to finish getting your siblings ready.” Justin smiled at her warmly.
Shelby went out to the garage to get Oliver's car seat and took it out to Justin's car. She opened the outside door to the garage and struggled with the bulky seat when suddenly the burden was taken from her.
Justin took the seat from Shelby and put it in the back of his car on the opposite door of Danielle's booster seat. He buckled it in properly and wondered if Grace was able to sit in the front seat, if not there wouldn't be enough room in his car.
He voiced his concerns to Shelby who was standing behind him on the sidewalk. She reassured him that Grace was old enough and tall enough to sit in the front seat without a booster. Normally she would sit in the back with the others, but with the given circumstances it would be all right if she sat up front.
Shelby helped Justin load everything into his car then stood on the curb and watched as he drove away with all three of her children. She sat on the steps with her hands on her upraised knees and sighed, it was pathetic that she missed them already. She sat there thinking for a few minutes then got up and proceeded to walk inside.
She went over to sit on the couch and closed her eyes. It was way too quiet in the house for her liking. She was used to children running around and all the noises that they made. It was going to be a long few days.
She grabbed her phone and dialed Kit's number hoping that he would pick up. She was disappointed when she only got his voice mail but shrugged it off because she knew he was at work. She dialed another number knowing he would pick up.
“Hello, my life sucks.”
“Ryan, your life does not suck.” Shelby said with a faint smile in her voice.
“I know, I just wanted to answer my phone like that. I just finished watching She's the Man, my apologies.”
“That's okay, everyone has their guilty pleasures. So what are you doing?” Shelby asked.
“Nothing at the moment. Is everything all right? Did Danielle go with her father?”
“Yeah, they just left. She talked him into taking the other two as well. Claimed she couldn't dye eggs without them. I'm just a little lonely now and Kit's at work.”
“Did you want me to come over?”
“I would like that a lot, but I think I need to be alone for a while. I might go downstairs and try working a song.” Shelby answered with a shrug.
"Oh, do you need any help? You know I'd come over in a heartbeat."
"Actually Ryan, I feel like I need to be alone for a bit. Give me like an hour before you come over okay?"
"That's fine, I am in the middle of something that will take a bit longer. So I'll see you in an hour or so?" Ryan asked confirming the time. They agreed on when Ryan would come over and that if, for some reason, he couldn't make it he would call.
Shelby grabbed her journal along with a pen and went downstairs into her makeshift studio where she shut the door and turned on the light. She sat on the small sofa inside the spacious room and opened her journal and began to write.
She threw herself and her feelings into what she was writing. She wasn't thinking about what she was writing she just let her hand flow across the page and pull out what was deep inside her heart. She looked it over and was amazed at how it turned out, disgusted with herself for having those thoughts, but pleased with the results none the less.
Shelby went over to the keyboard and started messing with a melody when she heard the door open behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Geez Ryan, you scared the crap out of me." Shelby exclaimed putting a hand over her now rapidly beating heart.
"I'm sorry. I rang the doorbell like ten times, but when you didn't answer I knew you had to be down here. The door was unlocked so I just let myself in." Ryan answered sitting next to her on the piano bench
"I thought I said be here in an hour." Shelby said looking at her best friend.
"Shelby it's been nearly two hours." Ryan answered with a cheeky grin.
Shelby opened her mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything. She'd been so into her writing that she didn't realize that two hours had flown right by.
"So is this what you've been working on this whole time?" Ryan nodded to the journal sitting on the piano.
"Yeah. It just came out, I didn't think I just let it flow from the heart and this is what I came up with." Shelby shrugged not knowing what else to say. She couldn't defend the story that was told in the song she could only sit there quietly while he read it.
"That's really good Shelby. You have got to put this on the album. We still have time to record one more song before it gets published. This is perfect." he said with all seriousness.
"I don't know if I can Ry, it's very personal. I don't know if I can, especially not now."
They worked on the arrangement for the next few hours when Kit came in the room just as they were calling it good. He asked what they were working on and they played him the song; Shelby on the keyboard with Ryan on acoustic guitar.
"That song is amazing. Very heartfelt, are you putting it on your album?" Kit asked from his spot on the couch.
"No. I don't think so." Shelby answered sitting next to him.
"Why, that song is raw with passion. Even though it's a slow song you could totally pull it off, even as a single."
"Okay, I'll think about it, but please don't pressure me." Shelby said curling up against Kit's body. "What are you doing this weekend?" She asked changing the subject.
"Spending it with you, I'm sure. Why?" He asked, putting his arm around her pulling her closer.
"We're going to Justin's.".
"Why?" Kit wondered, confused as to why she'd want to go to her ex's house.
"Because I want to spend easter with my kids and Justin has them. Lynn will be there the whole time so it won't be just us and him. Please Kristopher?" she said calling him by his first name. "I don't want to do this alone."
"Of course I'll go with you. It'll probably really awkward, but if that's what you want, then I'll do it."
Author's Chapter Notes:
wow so i finally have the first chapter up. thanks for being patient and i hope you like it. feedback is appreciated.
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