Or maybe she was the one who had changed.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, Raleigh looked to her left and saw Carly smiling at her.

"Welcome home, Ray." Raleigh managed to smile back at her although she didn't feel so welcome here anymore. She had wanted to leave LA and come home, but now that she was here she felt like all she wanted was to run back.

Into Dan's waiting arms.

But was he really there at home, waiting for her to realize she'd made a mistake and run back to him? No, he wouldn't be. Therefore she had to be strong. This was home after all. And no matter what she'd ever said, she loved it here.

Raleigh watched as they passed the large Weeping Willow as they turned onto Hill Street, and there it was. Her large white house, sitting there in its place as it always had been. Stone walkway leading up from the street to the stone steps, the large oak tree off to the left, hovering over the driveway, a tire swing hanging from one of the thick branches. Justin rolled to a stop in the street and as everyone got out, Raleigh felt her eyes wander towards the large bay window to the right of the front door. The glow from the television was all that lit the living room and she had a feeling her father had fallen asleep watching late night re-runs of M*A*S*H again. The familiarity of it all brought a smile to her lips.

Turning back to the Jeep, Raleigh took her bags from Justin and set them on the ground before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Thank you for taking your new baby out to save me."

"Anything for you, Raleigh Jean." His voice was low and sincere and Raleigh had missed it. She'd missed him. Pulling away from Justin's embrace, Raleigh moved to Carly.

"Call me tomorrow, let me know how everything goes."

"It is tomorrow."

"Shut up." Carly pulled away from Raleigh's hug and lightly hit her on the shoulder. "you know what I mean."

"I do and I will." Backing away, Raleigh picked up her bags and waved to them as best as she could. "I'll see you guys later. Thanks again."

"Bye guys." Bobbie waved to them before putting an arm around his sister's shoulders as they walked up towards their home. "You ready for this?"

"Not even close." Raleigh shook her head as a small laugh escaped her throat.

"Well, it's late so I doubt the ice queen is up. At least you might be able to get some sleep before enduring her wrath."

"Yeah right. As soon as we walk through that door she'll be down our throats. Me with ‘I told you so's' and you for leaving school."

"True." Bobbie stopped walking and looked at the house as if in deep thought. "What do you say we go to the hotel for the night?"

"Come on, Bobbie. If anyone should be saying that its me. You'll be fine."

"Alright, but you should know I'm holding you personally responsible for my death." Raleigh rolled her eyes but felt herself laugh none-the-less as they continued up the walkway. Bobbie pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. After they got inside, Raleigh took off her shoes and wandered into the living room to see if it was in fact her father in there.

Her lips curled up in a warm smile when her lilac eyes took in her dad's frame sprawled out on his favorite recliner, a glass half-full of ginger-ale on the table beside him, Klinger on the television screen talking about his continuous fight to get discharged from the army.

Going over to her father, Raleigh bent down and placed her lips on his forehead. "Goodnight, Daddy." She whispered to him before going back to grab her bags and together, she and her twin went upstairs to get some much needed sleep. Tomorrow was a new day, and hopefully it would be better than today.

---

It was nearly one o'clock before Raleigh awoke. After showering and dressing, she found the courage to go downstairs and face her mother. But when she got downstairs the only person she found was Janie.

"Where is everyone?" Looking up from her papers on the kitchen counter, Janie was surprised to see her little sister standing in the doorway, asking her a question as if she hadn't been gone for over three months.

"At the café. Mom and Bobbie got into a huge argument about him skipping one of his finals and then she and Dad got into it when he defended Bobbie and then they all made up and left to open shop. It is so good to see you." All the while she'd been talking she'd been walking towards her and immediately wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace. Letting go of Raleigh, Janie put one hand on her shoulder and used the other to brush her hair away from her face. "From what mom said about your eye I was expecting this big nasty ugly bruise but I don't see anything. But hey, that's good isn't it? How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Raleigh couldn't help but to smile a little at her sister's rushed words. Janie always spoke fast when she was upset or nervous.

Letting go of her sister, Janie went back to the papers that had held her attention before Raleigh had walked in. "Did they catch that bastard?"

"Uh, no. Last I heard he was on the run. Didn't even tell his dad, the only family he has in the states, where he was going or what he'd done. So why didn't you go with them to the cafe?" Now it was Raleigh's turn to speak fast.

"I'm going to after I finish up this paperwork. I could have done it there but it's not like I could really concentrate with all of the noise. I'll be done in a few minutes, do you want to head over there with me?"

"Uh, yeah, maybe." going over to the fridge, Raleigh pulled out the milk then proceeded to find some cereal she wanted to eat. "Uh, Janie?"

"Mm?"

Feeling a little hesitant to ask, Raleigh took a breath and asked. It's not like asking was really going to hurt her. "Did Josh come back from New York yet?"

Lifting her head up once again, Janie raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, he got in just a couple hours after Bobbie, Justin and Carly left for LA. You haven't spoken to him I take it?"

Raleigh only shook her head as she sat at the table and took a bite of her Fruit Loops.

"Ray, you need to talk to him. I don't think the boy has the faintest clue as to what you've been going through."

"Janie, last I knew you hated him."

"Well, last I knew you loved him and promised him you'd be together when you could be." She retorted.

Touché.

"Well, I'm just a little confused about everything right now. I just need some time to think. I think I at least deserve that much."

"Take all the time you need, Ray. But just remember, he's not going to wait around forever, especially when I'm sure he knows you're back home now." Janie watched as her sister began playing with her cereal and knew her appetite had just fled. Deciding to change the subject, hopefully for the better, Janie cleared her throat before asking, "So, who is this guy that Mom was in such a flourish about when they got back from LA?"

Raising her gaze to Janie, Raleigh furrowed her eyebrows. "Please tell me she wasn't bad mouthing him."

"Not at first. But then she got onto talking about how I guess he stood up to her about you and really let her have it, and while Dad was grinning like the Cheshire cat, Mom was fuming. Personally, I give this guy a lot of credit for not cowering to her."

Raleigh rolled her eyes as she stood and poured her cereal into the sink. "Please, like you've ever needed to cower to her. You can do no wrong in her eyes, remember?"

"My dear sister, she only thinks I can do no wrong. Or have you forgotten already?" Crossing her arms across her chest, Raleigh sighed.

"Sorry Janie. I forgot that you and I are just so alike."

Detecting the very strong sarcasm in her younger sister's voice, Janie closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Raleigh has just gotten home and she was finally able to swallow the worry she'd felt over her. Did they constantly have to fight?

"Ray, you've been home for what? Ten hours maybe? Do we really have to fight about nothing again already?"

"Sorry, Janie." And she really meant it. She hadn't intended to go downstairs and pick a fight with her sister but she felt like fighting to defend herself was all that she'd had lately. "You know what? I'm going to go for a walk. I'll meet you at the café in a little while."

"Ok." Walking out of the kitchen, Raleigh went upstairs and put on her boots and jacket before grabbing her purse and heading out into the coldest winter she was sure Tennessee had ever seen.

After nearly an hour and a half of walking aimlessly, Raleigh realized she'd taken the long route to Oak Park, where she'd played for hours on end as a child with all of her friends. A canal ran through the far end of the park and a large dock hung over the water's surface. As Raleigh began walking through the park towards said canal, she couldn't help but to think about times past. Happier times. Long days spent lazing in the summer's hot sun with her friends, occasionally jumping into the cool water to play a game of chicken, or to just cool off. She wished she could go back. Back to when things were easy, back to when everything made sense.

Back to when she, Carly, Josh, Justin, Mandy, Joey, Chris, and Bobbie were all the best of friends and she knew that she and Josh were meant for one another. When everyone knew that they'd be together forever. Before all the drama that her life had become. Before Josh had left Shelby and broken up with her, before her grandmother had died, leaving her crushed. Before she met Dan and became more confused than she could ever remember being.

All she could think of at that moment was being a carefree twelve year old and playing with her friends in the canal. Not worrying about how dirty the water was or what the hot sun would do to her unprotected skin. Not worrying about what it would be like when Josh broke up with her.

It was another summer, no school for three months, and she and her friends were having the time of their lives. That's all that mattered, wasn't it? Just living for the moment. Just having fun.

That's what it's all about, isn't it?

The summer had just begun and the girls had just planned on coming to the canal and maybe lying together out in the sun, occasionally jumping into the water to cool themselves off. But when they saw Josh and Justin standing at the end of the dock, all plans had changed. Carly knew neither of the boys were paying attention to what was behind them, all that mattered was what was already in the water.

Or who rather.

Taking off their tank tops and shorts, leaving them clad in their brand new bikinis that they'd just had to have, the girls put their towels and clothes with their shoes in a pile on a large rock before together they bolted down the dock, jumping onto the two "innocent" boys, knocking them into the water.

When Carly and Raleigh emerged from the water's depths, they could only laugh as they watched Josh and Justin come up sputtering out water they'd swallowed.

"That was so not funny!" Justin yelled between breaths.

"Actually, I thought it was pretty hilarious." Raleigh said, treading water.

"You would!" Josh said, splashing Raleigh in the face.

"Well you would have heard us running down the dock if you two weren't drooling over the Pinkleton sluts." Carly said as she stuck her tongue out in distaste.

"Jealous, Carly?" Justin wiggled his eyebrows at her and she splashed him in the face, eliciting a laugh from him.

"And just what would I have to be jealous of? The diseases they're going to contract one day? No thank you."

As Carly and Justin bickered back and forth, Josh took the time to draw Raleigh closer to him.

"Neither of those girls has anything on you, Ray."

"You have to say that ‘cause you're stuck with me for life." Raleigh tried to pout but failed miserably, smiling brilliantly as she felt Josh's arms around her waist beneath the water.

"No. I'm stuck with you forever and I couldn't be happier about that." Raleigh melted into him as she felt his young lips upon her own.

The moment only lasted a moment before Justin and Carly interrupted them, but it was one of the greatest moments she could remember.

She'd always been a firm believer in not living in the past, but living for the future, but as of right now, living in the past was all that she felt like she had. She had no idea as to what the future held for her and she no longer felt like she knew what she wanted. Like she didn't know what mattered anymore.

Raleigh knew she still wanted to write music, but did she really want to be a singer? Sure she loved it, but she'd been in the limelight for the past few months, and quite frankly, it wasn't for her. She didn't need the stress she now knew it brought. And if when things got rough she felt as though her only option was to run away, how would she ever survive?

Then there was the other question. Her personal love life. Did she love Josh still? Did she love Dan? Did they truly love her and want to be with her? Did she want to be with either of them anymore? Hell, did she even want to be with anyone?

All these questions plagued her mind as she stood there, staring at the old dock and still canal water, thinking about her past and very unsure future. Would she ever know the answers?

Deciding it was time she showed her face at the family café, Raleigh turned and was completely shocked to see Josh standing there, watching her. How long had he been there, watching her mental debate?

"Josh?!" It was both a question and statement. She hadn't expected him to find her so quickly. How had he found her? No one knew where she'd been going.

"Raleigh." His voice was so full of relief, she thought he sounded as if he might explode. When he charged forward and took her in his arms, holding her to him so firmly, Raleigh felt such immense guilt at having kept him in the dark, it was overwhelming. She had to fight back the tears as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her. It had been only a month since she'd last held him, and she'd honestly begun feeling as though she didn't need him anymore.

Oh how she'd been wrong.

Nothing had ever felt more right, and she knew right then that she had to be completely honest with him. He deserved to know everything.

Raleigh turned her face into his neck, breathing in his scent. God, how she'd missed him.

"I've missed you so much." Raleigh listened to his shaky voice and knew he was close to breaking down. She wouldn't be able to handle it if he cried in front of her. The guilt was so thick and heavy as it was. She didn't know if she could handle it if she made him cry after everything, as well. "What did I do? Please, Ray. Tell me what I did to have you turn away from me like you did." He pulled away from the embrace and put his hands on her face, looking into her glossy lilac eyes. "What did I do?" His hands were cold on her face and his voice was soft. Closing her eyes was all Raleigh could do to try and stop the tears from falling. Unfortunately, one tear seeped out from beneath her eyelid, followed by a few more and, inevitably, a sob escaped her throat.

"Nothing." She whispered back to him, afraid to look into his tear-rimmed eyes. "You did nothing."

"Then why? Everything was fine when I left LA. What happened?" Josh dropped his hands from her face and took a step back, never allowing his eyes to leave hers.

"Josh," Raleigh tried to strengthen her voice, but she couldn't. She knew she had to tell him everything, the good and the bad, and she knew it was going to be hard. But she never imagined it being this difficult to get the words out. Biting her lip, she tried to gain the courage for what she had to do. "There's some things I need to tell you."

At her soft spoken words, Josh felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He knew whatever had her ignoring him for that past few weeks couldn't have been good, but nothing could have ever prepared him for what she was about to tell him.

"You know what? I don't care. Anything that might have happened while you were at school, I don't care. We can start over. Justin said you're not going back to LA. Maybe you can come to New York with me or I can move back. I don't need school. I don't want to be an accountant anyway. So just please, whatever it is, don't tell me." Stepping closer to her once again, Josh brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "I love you, Raleigh Jean. Nothing you could say to me will change that." Before Raleigh could say anything, she felt his lips lightly touch hers, slowly moving, urging her to respond. Closing her eyes, Raleigh found it too easy to return the kiss, far too tempting to take him up on starting over.

But she knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she continued to run away from her problems.

Reluctantly, Raleigh pulled away from the kiss and rested her forehead on Josh's. She heard his intake of breath and listened for what he was going to say.

"Whatever this is, it's not good is it? It's not as simple as starting over."

Backing up, Raleigh shook her head, forcing herself to look into his blue eyes. "No, it's not."

Sighing, Josh ran his hand through his grown-out hair before turning to sit on the bench a few feet away. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, Josh clasped his hands together before looking back up at Raleigh as she stood frozen in place.

"Alright. Go ahead. I'm ready for it." The smile he gave her was weak and forced and yet Raleigh couldn't blame him. He would never be ready for what she had to say.

As she paced back and forth in front of him, Josh waited patiently for her to begin talking.

"I don't really know where to begin."

"The beginning would seem as good a place as any."

As Raleigh continued to pace, she began biting on her thumbnail, contemplating the many ways she could begin.

"Raleigh, calm down. Just tell me." Suddenly Josh became hesitant for a moment before asking, "Does this have to do with that Effron guy?"

Stopping dead in her tracks, Raleigh's eyes darted to look at Josh. "My being in the hospital due to a drug overdose, that had to do with him. Me not being able to sleep without having a nightmare, that has to do with him. THIS has nothing to with him." Her words were sharp and harsh and she felt herself becoming so worked up over what Effron had done to her, she nearly missed the complete look of shock written on his face. "Oh God, Josh, I'm sorry I forgot you didn't know..." In a matter of two seconds, Josh was on his feet and in front of her.

"What did he do to you?" His eyes were fierce and his body rigid, but his voice held nothing but worry and sincerity.

Feeling herself soften, Raleigh just shook her head. She didn't want to relive it again but he had a right to know what she'd been going through. Part of the reason she'd come home. "After I ended things with him, he went a little crazy. Things got out of hand and at Autumn's Christmas party he drugged me and...and I ended up in the hospital. That's about it." Josh noticed how she adverted her eyes after she said he'd drugged her and he knew that she was leaving something out, but he wouldn't push her. Whatever it was that she had to tell him would come on her own terms.

"Alright, I know that's not everything but I'll buy it for now."

Nodding, Raleigh resumed biting her nail. Another bad habit that drove Josh insane. Luckily he said nothing of it. Taking a breath, Raleigh decided to just get it over with. "Josh, while you were in LA, do you remember when you told me about you and Erin?" He nodded and she continued. "I told you that I was a hypocrite because I was doing much worse things. But the only thing I told you about was Effron. There was a lot more." Suddenly, Josh decided he really didn't like where this was going. He'd known that her sleeping with Effron wasn't the only thing she'd been doing. If it had been she wouldn't have been as upset as she had been.

He didn't want to hear everything that she had to tell him, but he knew she had to get it out. Whether it was to make herself feel better or feeling like he deserved to know the truth, he didn't know. But he urged her on.

"The main reason I didn't tell you was because I was so afraid of what you would think of me. I mean, I've always been the good girl. Doing what everyone expects of me, well, except for my mom. Then I went there and...I guess I just lost myself. I missed everyone so much and I wanted everyone to like me there and I turned into someone I've always loathed. I started doing lines of coke and getting drunk all the time and..." Feeling the words catch in her throat, Raleigh tried to take a deep breath. She had to get it all out. She was so close, she couldn't stop now. Running her hand through her disheveled hair, she tried to wipe away the tears before they began falling again. "And I started sleeping with my one instructor. And I couldn't tell you because you respected him. I didn't want to take that away."

Putting his hands in his pockets to try and warm them, Josh looked away from her as he slowly nodded his head. "Cooper, right?" Raleigh nodded and Josh let out a small laugh, unable to believe how things had turned out. Last year, everything had been fine. He and Raleigh had been together, neither having eyes for anyone but each other. Then he broke up with her and everything seems to have gone downhill. Was it all his fault? Was he the one to blame for who Raleigh had become?

"Josh," Raleigh's soft, shaky voice broke through his thoughts and he forced himself to look at the broken girl standing before him. "I didn't sleep with him for a higher grade or something like that. I mainly did it for the conquest." Raleigh let out an incredulous laugh at how big of a slut that made her sound, but she went on. "But somehow, somewhere down the line I fell in love with him. And I didn't realize it until it was too late. He lost the job that he loved, and I came home."

A long silence followed Raleigh's words and Josh tried to find the right words to say. Nothing could describe how he was really feeling at that moment. Hurt? Betrayed? Completely foolish for having thought there was hope for them after everything that had happened?

Raleigh reached into her jeans pocket and pulled something out. Going over to Josh, she grasped his hand and set the object on his palm before curling his fingers over it. Before releasing his hand, Raleigh whispered, "I'm sorry, Josh. For everything."

When she let go of his hand, he slowly uncurled his fingers and there sat the white gold diamond ring he had given her. Immediately his face scrunched up into a mass of tears and he fought to look at Raleigh.

"I was a fool giving you this. We're never going to be together again, are we?" When Raleigh only shook her head, Josh looked away, shoving the ring into his pocket. He turned to walk away but before he did he told her, "I'll always love you, Raleigh Jean." Then he walked away, leaving Raleigh in the middle of the large park alone. She wrapped her arms around herself before fully breaking down into tears.

As sobs wracked her body, she fell to the ground, completely helpless to stop the anguish she felt as it washed over her. No matter what she ever did someone always got hurt.