I spent the whole night with Gia. She listened to me for hours just talk and cry and cry some more. Then I decided I wasn’t going to cry over Justin Timberlake. I just needed to focus on me and my job. Or my old job, I’m not sure at the moment. I wake up and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. I love him and despise him at the same time. It’s just like Sarah. Just when you think all the people that can let you down have, a new person comes into your life and kicks you while you’re down.

Someone tries to turn the doorknob but I locked it last night since the only people that need access is me and Gia and we are both here. I hear a thump on the door that’s to loud for a hand. Then a whiny voice breaks the silence, “Beth, open the door.”

That would be a forehead pressed against that door and it can remain there until I feel like opening the door. I pull the covers over my head and listen to him plead through the door. Gis pokes her head through the bathroom threshold, “Oh just let him in.”

I poke my head out, “Then why don’t you get him?”

She grins, “Because once you go black you never go back and I wouldn’t want his pale ass following me around.”

I try to hide my smile as Justin calls to me again, “Beth, come on please let me in.”

I bury under the covers and put a pillow over my head. I can love him and still be angry right? Gia sits down on the side if the bed, “He’s not going to go away.”

I hold the pillow closer to my ears, “I don’t care.”

“He loves you.”

“If he loved me he would screw up every time he got the chance.”

Gia gives my form a pat before standing up, “He is trying though.”

I wait until Gia leaves and I stare at the door. Listening to him try to reason with me to open the damn door. Finally I relent looking at the clock, realizing people are going to be getting up soon and the last thing I need is for them to find a weepy Timberlake banging on some girl’s door. I get up and flip the lock before backing up as he comes flying through the door, practically falling on the floor in the process, “Thank you.”

I stand in front of him, “Oh no problem.”

He gets up and tries to hug me but I back up from his embrace, wanting my space, “What?”

Justin sighs, “Come on Beth, I’m sorry.”

I turn and sit on the bed, “I know you’re sorry. What else is new?”

Justin tosses his head back and takes a deep breath, “I know you have been trying but would you really call last night trying?”

“It was a mistake.”

“No shit,” I reply curtly.

Justin moves to sit next to me and I let him put his arm around my side, “I didn’t mean to disappoint you. It was just that Trace was there and suddenly there were no complications were in my life. It was like old times.”

I turn my head to look at him rather than the floor, “Like old times. Let me ask you a question, did you like the old times? Doing enough drugs to kill every brain cell you have, sleeping with a different girl every night, never knowing who you could really trust?”

Justin shakes his head, “No. It was just a lapse of judgment alright?”

I shrug, “I’m not your priest. I can’t tell you what to do and expect that your going to listen to me. You have a mind of your own but about this topic I would have thought you would have trusted me.”

“I do trust you. I just got caught up.”

He pulls me head to him and kisses the top of it. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in and try and smile, “And what about your mom?”

Justin starts to try and laugh, “Well she might be a little slow to warm up to you than I originally anticipated….”

“What the hell did I ever do to her?” I question.

“You started dating me.”

“That’s everybody’s problem with me. If they spent half the energy they do hating me into watching out for your best interest we might actually accomplish something around here.”

Justin lets his hand slide up under my shirt and despite trying to convince myself to let him continue his assault on my body I pull away. Justin stands up, “Are you ever going to forgive me?”

I lay back on the bed, “Eventually. I just don’t want to do that right now. I’m still s little upset.”

“Fine. I guess I’ll just see you later than.”

“Fine.”

I watch him leave and close the door behind him. There is nothing more tiring than having to fight with him. It takes everything out of me. I feel so drained I can’t even put it into words. But I love him. Damn do I love him.

________________________________________________________________________

Well I was hoping for a little more forgiveness than I got. I am really sorry and it’s not like I went there solely to drink. In fact, it wasn’t even in the back of my mind but when I was there and everything felt right…. You know the rest.

Then there was Cameron. It might have slipped my mind that I saw her at the club when I was talking to Beth. Okay, so I purposefully didn’t tell her. I didn’t want her to freak out on me especially when she’s pissed at me enough already. When I realized it was her I’m not really sure how I felt about seeing her. One minute I feel like she’s just waiting to set me up to take the fall and the next she’s this incredibly venerable person. But she’s not Beth either.

With Beth, I know I can tell her anything and she’ll understand. She may not be happy about it but she accepts that I’m human. Cameron can’t handle anything that isn’t perfect. I suppose she knows in her heart that no one will ever live up to her ideals but that maybe she can transform them into what she wants. And Cameron always gets what she wants. Except this time.

She was all over me in the club. I swear the second I finally stand up for myself is the moment she decides all that playing hard to get shit wasn’t working and she shifted to slut mode. I found it funny that she never seemed to give me any affection when we were dating. It was normally me trying to molest her for just a bit of it. She’s not really into public displays of affection but last night was a brand new Cameron.

I swear she was grinding against me so hard I thought I was going to go through the wall. But something in my snapped and for the first time in my life, I pushed her away even though I was plastered. I may not be the world’s best boyfriend in terms of what I have done, but I was strong enough to do that. 

I relax against the back of the couch in my dressing room as Trace comes in the room and slaps me on the back, “That was fun last night wasn’t it?”

I glare up at him and scoff, “Which part, the drinks or Cameron?”

“Okay, so maybe things got a little out of hand but-”

I stand up and try to remember when our friendship was actually real, “You know what? I don’t need this.”

“What are you talking about? Oh…. Beth huh?”

“It’s not just about Beth, it’s about me. You compromise everything that I have worked so hard to get. You just need to leave.”

Trace sighs, “I thought we were best friends.”

“We were. Until you sold out.”

“I didn’t sell out,” he protests.

“Yes, you did. You only want Justin Timberlake, not Justin from Memphis.”

Trace rolls his eyes, “When you get over whatever this girly shit give me a call.”

He walks out on me and I stare at the wall for I don’t know how long until I hear someone clear their throat. I snap out of the dream world I was in and look over to Beth, “Hi.”

She moves the hair from her eyes, “Hi.”

I pat the spot on the couch next to me and she comes over, laying down across my lap, “You okay?”

“I sent Trace home again.”

Her fingers play a imaginary piano on my leg, “Good.”

I entangle my hand in her hair, “Are we going to be okay?”

Beth rolls over, “I hope so.”

Me too.

I don't know how I'm gonna tell you, I can't play with you no more,
I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me, My friend, the boy next door.
I can't believe what people saying, You're gonna let your hair hang down,
I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long, You're in the darker side of town.

“I was thinking that maybe we should invite your parents to dinner with mine.”

Beth groans and puts her hand over her eyes, “Again, your mother hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“Oh yes she does. She thinks I’m practically the devil reincarnated.”

I chuckle as I splay my hand over her stomach that was revealed when her shirt rode up a bit. She puts her hand on top of her chest so I can’t go up any further. I guess I should stop pushing her and give her a little time. I remove my hand and set it on her stomach as she contemplates the thought, “When do you want to do this little shindig?”

“I was thinking when we make our rounds in New York.”

Beth bites her lip, “Like in the next few days? You really think that’s a good idea? I thought you would try and make a better impression than you did the first time around and then eventually when your mother stopped calling me Betsy they might meet. What the hell is it with your family and calling my any name that starts with B except for my name?”

“Well I did it because I was high.”

Beth raises her eyebrows, “So your mom lights up?” 

“No, my mother does not do drugs. She just… she isn’t that found of normal people dating celebrities. She thinks that it just can’t work.”

“You were a normal person once too you know.”

And when I'm out I see you walking, Why don't your eyes see me,
Could it be you've found another game to play, What did mama say to me.

That's The Way, Oh, That's The Way it ought to be,
Yeah, yeah, mama say That's The Way it ought to stay.

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river,
And weren't those tears that filled your eyes,
And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying,
Had they got you hypnotized?

And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,
But all that lives is born to die.
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,
And all you do is stand and cry.

I smile, “I know. So what do you think about the idea?”

Beth sits up and leans back against the arm of the couch, “Fine. I’ll see if my parents can take off of work and you see if you can get your mom to be civil.”

“I’ll do my best. Are you going to be sleeping on the bus with me tonight?” I ask, hoping she’s forgiven me enough to at least sleep next to me.

“I’ll sleep on the bus with you. But that’s all we are going to be doing,” she stresses.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” she mimics, pressing her head to mine. And time stopped.

Don't know what to say about it,
When all you ears have turned away,
But now's the time to look and look again at what you see,
Is that the way it ought to stay?

That's the way... That's the way it oughtta be
Oh don't you know now, Mama said.. that's the way it's gonna stay, yeah. 

Led Zeppelin- That’s The Way