I

 stir the next morning and feel something weighing me down. I try to move but whatever it is refuses to give an inch. I roll over onto my back and discover Justin’s body halfway on top of mine. I feel a small smile tug at my lips and I rub my tired eyes a little. I hear someone clear their throat and I groan, opening my eyes slowly to see Gia standing about a foot away from the bed with a comical look on her face.

“It’s not what you think.” I begin.

“It’s exactly what I think. You and him are shacking up. This had better mean I get a raise for being friends with you.”

I slip out of bed carefully as to not wake him up and grab Gia’s arm and move to her room so we can talk, “I cannot believe you slept with him!” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I did not sleep with him. I mean I did but we didn’t… you know.” I stutter.

“Have sex?” Gia finishes, her face scrunches up trying to figure out what my problem is.

“Yeah, that.” I answer, plopping down onto her bed.

“Sex is a big issue for you isn’t it?” she asks knowingly.

I put my arms over my chest like a shield to protect myself in a way, “I just can’t jump into that with him. It’s such a personal thing to me, something I don’t like to go throwing around.”

Gia nods, “Good for you.”

I look up at her, “No comments on how I’m being completely ridiculous about something that is not considered sacred anymore.” my voice condescending, telling myself how stupid I am as I utter the words.

“No, I think that it’s a good idea to wait instead of jumping into bed with someone, especially Justin Timberlake. I know that you guys have this connection, but he is still a guy. You need to take care of yourself.”

Gia sits down next to me, “So what happened with Justin and Trace last night?”

I try to recall Justin’s exact words as if there might be a key somewhere hidden in them, “He just said he would tell me in the morning.”

“What does your instincts tell you?”

I frown, “I have a feeling he’s staying from the way he looked last night. It would explain why he didn’t want to sleep alone last night.”

“I hope he’s not here for good.” Gia mutters.

I sigh at the thought of him back for the tour, “I don’t know.”

Gia pats my leg, “Well we have to be out of here in an hour. I’m going to grab a shower.”

I nod and go back into my room and stare at the male in my bed. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, like all the worries and troubles he carries around with him are instantly erased the moment he closes his eyes. I walk over the bed and gently caress his face. Justin stirs and opens his eyes, smiling a small smile, “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning. How are you?” I ponder.

Justin pulls on my arm and I lay down next to him on the bed as he twists strands of my hair around his fingers, “You mean how am I feeling after talking to Trace?”

“Anything you want to tell me I’m willing to listen to.”

Justin leans over and kisses my forehead, “He is coming back and joining the tour.”

I stiffen as my suspicions are confirmed, “And you’re okay with that?”

Justin focuses on my hair, “I’m hoping everything will turn out all right.”

“Since when are you the eternal optimist?” I question.

His hand creeps up my neck and makes designs on my skin with his fingers, “Since we have been best friends from the time we were in diapers. I don’t want to lose him over something like drugs. It’s already taken over my life, I won’t allow it to take my friends as well.”

I take his hand in my and kiss the back of it gently, “But it wasn’t the drugs that made him do what he did, he made a conscious decision.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. I’m willing to give him a second chance.”

I silently surrender my position and hope that he’s right, “Well you need to get going and I’m going to take a shower.”

Justin grins, “You want company?”

I shake my head, “You know, as tempting as that offer is, I think I can handle it.”

He rolls his eyes and sits up slowly, stretching out his arms above his head as though he was trying to touch the ceiling, “Fine. I’ll see you on the bus.”

I take a quick shower and pull my hair up into a messy bun. It’s got to be like ninety degrees outside so I don’t feel the need to blow dry my hair when I’m running late anyway. Of course, it is Kansas. No exactly the most interesting state in the world. Yeah and with Trace Ayala in tow, this should make for a very interesting day.

I meet Gia outside the hotel and the heat immediately takes over, causing anyone who comes out of a air conditioned building to practically be bowled over at the humidity. The door to the hotel swings open and Trace comes out, leaning against the building like he’s not really sure what he’s supposed to be doing.

Justin walks out and walks over to me, clearly unaware that Trace is standing only feet away. Trace watches Justin interact with me and I feel my cheeks burn until Trace finally waddles over to us, “Justin.”

He turns around, “Hey man.”

Trace nods and they look at each other the way ex’s look at one another the first time they see each other in public and they are no longer a couple. Justin clears his throat, “Well you can ride with Gia today while I make some radio interviews. We can hang out after if you want.”

“Sure.” He concedes, although it’s with hesitation.

Justin nods as well and takes my hand, heading onto the bus when Trace calls out, “You are going on with her?”

My blood runs cold and Justin turns around, “Yeah, why?”

“Her?” Trace asks, pointing to me.

“Yeah?” Justin asks questionably.

“Your assistant?” Trace finally says, bewildered.

“Yes!” I finally say in a tone that he probably doesn’t find appealing but I don’t really care.

He eyes me up and down with clear annoyance but just ignores me, “Nothing, I was just curious.”

. I can’t really focus on anything but Trace’s stare as Justin pulls me onto the bus. I wish I could be alone with Gia right about now. How am I supposed to broach a subject about Trace when he’s Justin’s best friend. I sink down on the couch and flip through the channels on the TV angrily, if that’s possible. I’m not sure that pressing the buttons extra hard on the channel changer really constitutes aggression but I’m not exactly an expert on the subject. When life gets rough, I normally try to take the easy way out by removing myself from the situation. It’s only since I’ve been on this tour that I’ve started to grow a backbone. And if only for that, I have Justin to thank.

He sits down next to me and takes the remote from my hand, flipping the TV off and attaching himself to my neck. The second his lips touch my skin I melt into him and he knows it too. I lean back so I’m laying on the couch with him on top of me. This man has a serious gift.

His hand starts creeping up my shirt and goes to undo the back of my bra when I pull away. Justin looks confused but goes back to kiss me as I pull away again, “What’s with you?”

I sit up, almost slamming into me as I readjust my shirt, “Listen, I just don’t want to take it that far yet.”

“How far?”

God he looks so cute when he makes that face at me, “Feeling me up. It’s just too physical for me right now.”

Justin looks like he’s about to laugh at any moment and I feel my defenses start to creep up on me, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I just don’t think anyone has ever said that to me.” he says in astonishment.

Breathing seems like a challenge right about now, “I just think sex should be treated with a little more respect. It’s just so personal and it requires people to be vulnerable and open. I just think we shouldn’t rush into anything.” I insist.

“Okay.” he says slowly.

“Look, I don’t expect you to understand, just trust me.”

Justin backs up from me, “Alright, I trust you.”

I bite my lip yet again, “Thank you.”

“Can I still sleep with you, because last night was really nice.”

I smirk, “Sure.”

He nods and we slide down onto the couch together, “Just so you know, when you feel close enough to me, I am so ready for you.”

I giggle slightly as his hands wrap around my waist.

________________________________________________________________________

We arrived at the show and I finish my last encore. I jog off stage and Beth tosses me a towel. Every time I see that girl I swear I want to jump her. I understand the whole sex thing but it doesn’t make me want her any less.

Beth has now taken to sleeping with me on the bus, which I am happy to announce took a little prodding and promising not to molest her in her sleep but still, she’s with me. Gia is SO not happy about Trace having to travel with her but it’s not like he could trail anyone else. I had to promise her a little time with Beth in order for her to be pleasant during this whole trial thing with Trace. I haven’t spent very much time with him today but it’s a transition.

Beth waits in my dressing room and I yawn tiredly as I take her hand and we board the bus. She immediately plops herself on my bed and gets comfortable while I change in the bathroom. By the time I get out she has already changed into one of my tee shirts and short shorts. I groan loudly, “Tempt me why don’t you.”

“Hhmm…” she asks, her attention focused on her book.

“The outfit. Could you be more hot?”

Her cheeks turn a shade of crimson which I adore, “Thank you. Can we focus on sleeping?”

I think for a moment before saying anything, “How many guys have you slept with?”

Beth bites the inside of her cheek, “Why?”

Bingo.

“I was just wondering if that’s the reason for the whole boundary thing.”   

Beth shifts uncomfortably under my gaze, “The amount of guys I’ve slept with is not the reason I feel that sex is a very intense thing.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now how many guys have you slept with?”

She closes her book and sits it down next to her, “One, okay?”

“One?” I ask in shock.

“I only slept with my college boyfriend. I haven’t had a relationship after him, except for the whole thing with Jake.”

“One.” I say again.

She gives me a annoyed look, “Yes, just one. I regretted it all afterwards. He didn’t really know me, know what I loved, who I was. I promised myself I wouldn’t have sex just for the sake of it. I want more. I want that connection.”

I lay down next to her, “Wow.”

“Thanks Justin.” her annoyance coming through her response.

I stop her before she blows my reaction out of proportion, “I just wanted to know.”

“Well know you know.”

“Why did you only sleep with him?”

Beth pulls her hair up, “Because I though we would be together forever. I romanticized our relationship. It was never how I imagined it in my head. I felt so used after we would do it. I can’t even explain it other than to say that you feel hollow after.

“Really?”

“I felt used, like I was used just to get him off, it wasn’t about us at all. Maybe it will never be like that, I don’t know.” she says, obviously uncomfortable talking about it.

“It will be way better with me I swear.” I joke as she goes to smack me.

“If. You mean if.” she corrects me.

“No, not if, when.” I grin, flipping off the light as I see her roll her eyes as I grab her and curl up against her.

“I am sorry that was your experience.” I say, watching her reflection on the window.

“Me too.” she whispers.

“Night.”

Beth grins as she changes the tone of the conversation, “Night perv.”

That’s me.