I pick up an Oreo and dip in milk taking a bite. My lips still have his imprint on them. Gia sits across from me on the floor as the clock next to the bed reads three twenty one a.m. in bright neon numbers.
“I can’t believe he kissed you.” Gia says for what must be the hundredth time this month.
I let me head lean against the bottom of the bed, “I know.”
“But he’s our boss, you can’t have a…. thing with him.” Gia insists.
I groan, “You don’t think I know that? I’m fully aware that nothing can happen. I’m not stupid.”
“But do you want to have something with him?” she asks curiously.
I take another bite of my cookie and swallow it, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? You are so falling for him. The one asshole that has managed to get under my skin and you end up falling for him, ironic.” Gia says.
“It’s so not funny G.”
“I didn’t say it was hon. Putting all things aside, the whole don’t date your boss thing, he is someone who seems to be what you were looking for. You just need to accept that maybe this guy is the one that is your match. Maybe he really is what you need.”
“I don’t know anymore.” I say in frustration.
“But maybe he is. When I see you two together, I know there is something between you two. Something that you guys share that no one can really understand. He understands you.”
“You know what? We have been talking for how many hours about this? I think it’s time that we got some sleep.”
I wrap up the half carton of eaten cookies and Gia puts the milk back into the mini fridge. I pull the blankets down in the bed and get under them. Gia hesitates before she turns the knob to go into her adjoining room, “For what it’s worth, you have really changed him.” she says softly.
“Thanks Gia.”
“No problem hon.”
________________________________________________________________________
I play with the edge of my shirt gently. This is one of the most awkward things I’ve ever had to do. Wait for your boss who happened to kiss you the night before. I nervously let my eyes roam the hotel and watch the people interact with one another. My hand brushes up against skin and I turn around quickly to find Justin standing behind me, “Hey.”
I pull my hand back quickly, “Hi.”
Justin watches my expression and I try to give away as little as possible, “Are you ready to go?”
He nods and places his hand on my lower back as we walk to the bus. I try to keep my cool as his hand softly massages my back and as soon as we get on the bus, I immediately take a seat with my back against the couch. Justin sits down next to me and waits until we are on the move before he turned to me, “So are we going to talk about last night?”
Oh this is so not my day, “What about last night?” I ask, playing innocent.
“How about the point in time where we kissed?” he asks, bursting my bubble and giving me an evil eye for playing dumb.
“What about it?” my eyes meeting his.
Justin moves closer to me, “I want to know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that I’m in a really uncomfortable position because you are my boss.” I answer, my voice wavering.
“Is that the only thing you’re thinking?” Justin responds, his face dangerously close to mine.
I bite my lip, “No.”
He leans in and captures my lips once again. I freeze for a minute as his mouth makes me feel out of place, kind of lost in him. That’s what echoed in me the most. I’m no longer in control here and I’m losing what little ground I have by the second. I pull away from him, “Listen, I just don’t think this is such a smart thing to do.” I stutter.
Justin rolls his eyes as he removes his hand from my hair and sits back, “Thanks Beth.”
I touch Justin’s arm, “It’s not you, I just think that getting involved with people you work with is a shitty idea. Don’t you feel like this is a bad, especially considering your status?”
Justin laughs, but it’s an angry laugh, certainly not one that would come from something actually being somewhat humorous, “Well thank you Beth. Why don’t you just take a stake knife and put it strait through my chest? Or better yet, don’t say anything the first time I kiss you and wait until I’m practically going out of my mind to do it again and then fuck with me. Oh wait, you already did that.”
I stand up, “That is so not fair and you know it. I can’t get involved with the people I work with. It’s not ethical.”
“Forget your fucking ethics for a minute Beth. Tell me the truth, when we kissed, did you feel something?” he says, standing up and coming over to me.
I start to get angry at the position he’s putting me in. The pain that he’s causing me by asking me a question that I know in my heart I have no business answering even though I know the words he’s looking for are the ones I really want to say, “Justin, I can’t.”
Justin sighs and shrugs angrily, “Fine. I’m going to go take a nap.” He says, storming off and slamming the door to his bedroom.
I sink down on the couch and scream into a pillow before throwing it across the room. I’m left all alone again. Like usual.
________________________________________________________________________
I just lay in my bed for the hours it takes until we pull into the next stop. My mind just refuses to go to Beth. She was all I though about last night and all this morning right up until the point where she pulled away. Up until that point, I felt like my life was finally on the right track and I could feel something for someone again. Then she went and shattered all of my security.
A knock on my door causes me to look towards the door as Beth cautiously opens it, “Justin, were here.”
“Fine.” I mumble and grab my ipod, putting it in my pocket and brushing past her and off the bus. Beth slightly jogs behind me to keep up as we walk into the arena and into my dressing room where a “journalist” from Maxim magazine is waiting. Oh joy.
I sit down across from the guy and put my feet on the coffee table, “So let’s get this done.”
The guy looks supremely annoyed at my attitude but I’m not stupid, they are going to make me out to be a playboy I might as well act like one.
“Having worked on a two films now, are you considering more roles on screen?”
I’m bored already, “I refuse to pigeonhole myself. I’ll take the rolls that I feel are the right ones for me.”
The guy looks over his questions and I feel the golden question coming. Oh, just whip it out fucker.
“So, you have been quoted by Rolling Stone saying you have done drugs and slept around, including the likes of Cameron Diaz and Scarlett Johansson. Are you single now?”
And there it is.
I look over at Beth who meets my gaze. I don’t bother to face the guy as I give him my answer, instead focusing on her eyes, “No. You try to get close to people and you put yourself out there but in the end, no one gives a fuck. They all want to tear you down, not open up. And just when you think you’ve made a connection with a person, they screw you over. I’ve completely given up on love.”
Her eyes water and I turn back to the guy, “Love is a waste of time.”
The guy eyes Beth before turning back to me, “Well the rumor is that the reason you and Cameron Diaz are on and off is because you were cheating on her with your personal assistant.” He asks coyly.
I laugh bitterly, “No, that’s not true. Cameron and I broke up over a mutual decision. It had nothing to do with my assistant.”
“People magazine has written that she’s insane, having once tried to commit suicide shortly after her older sister over dosed on drugs, yet she is still on your staff. Do you have any concerns?”
Beth turns white and looks like she’s going to be sick. The guy knows he’s hit a nerve and enjoys her pain way too much, “Listen, my assistant may have had a hard life but that doesn’t mean she’s insane. She never actually tried to commit suicide, get your facts strait. She will remain on the payroll until she decides she’s had enough. Bethany Addison is one of the best assistants I have ever had and one of the best people I have ever met. Put that in your article.”
The guy looks stunned and so does Beth. It takes a minute for him to recover as he shuts his tape recorder, “Okay, that’s all the questions I have. Thanks.”
I get up and shut the door behind him. I stare at the door for a second before turning around to face her. I slowly go to look at her but as soon as do, she pushes me up against the door and is kissing me.
My astonishment quickly dissolves as she continues to kiss me and I practically have to drag her over to the couch. I lay on top of her as we go at each other like to teenagers. Finally we break our seal, Beth throws her head back as she tries to catch her breath and I go at her neck. Her pants subside and I look down at her, “I thought we weren’t going to get involved. What happened to not starting a relationship with your boss?”
“It was shot to hell the moment you defended me.” she whispers.
I smirk, “You should have told me that was the key to you earlier. I would have taken out a spot in the New York Times.”
Beth giggles a little and nuzzles my head slightly, “I felt alive.”
“What?” I ask in confusion.
“You asked what I felt when we kissed. I felt alive and safe and understood.”
“Really?” I ask, basking in the realization that I wasn’t alone.
“You still want me to run away with you?” she says jokingly.
“Oh yeah.”
________________________________________________________________________
I sit backstage watching him do his thing on stage. I’m a little woozy from being molested for the last couple of hours but defiantly feeling good. Really good. Gia comes over and stands next to me, looking me over once, “You kissed him again.”
It’s more of a statement than it is a question.
I blush considerably, “You can tell?”
She rolls her eyes, “Um, yeah. It’s written all over your face baby, you might as well have a glowing sign pointing at you that says “I made out with Justin Timberlake.”
“There’s just something about him.”
“I know, you see something in him. I just wish he would exhibit that special X factor to others.”
“He’s working on it.”
“Sure he is.”
I hear someone scream, “Hey you!”
Both Gia and I turn around to come face to face with Trace. Oh in the name of everything that is good, why him.
“After Justin get’s off stage, tell him I’m waiting in the lobby.”
I nod slowly and he walks off back from the cave he crawled out of. I look to Gia and she looks back speechless. The last encore ends and Justin walks off stage to me, grabbing a drink and putting his hand on my cheek. I put my hand up to his and squeeze it a little, “Someone is here to see you.”
“Who?” he asks, not really paying attention as someone yells directions at him.
“Trace is here waiting in the lobby.”
Justin looks at me and is face hardens up, “In the lobby?”
I nod, “That’s what he said.”
Justin leans down and kisses my forehead, “I’ll see you back in your room.”
“Okay.” I whisper as I watch him take off. I just hope that this is a good thing. Please let it be a good thing.
