I clean up after the after party which I was so happy to do with Gia. Cups, plates and napkins are littered all over the room and I’m on my hands and knees picking up people’s used shit and throwing it away.  

“I’m telling you G, he was actually human for a minute. I was like a real connection.”

Gia sighs, “People say Michael Jackson is human and he doesn’t even have a nose.”

I look up from my position of kneeling on the floor, “Gia.”

“I’m serious, absolutely nothing there.”

“I mean it.”

“I just can’t comprehend how any person could have an actual conversation with that man let alone feel a connection.”

I stand up and put a hand on my back where a dull ache is beginning to ache, “It was the weirdest thing but I swear, it was like getting permission to probe how he really feels about things. His answers were so honest it kind of shocked me.”

Gia snorts, “Did you take some sort of medication before you had this “deep” conversation? Maybe a sedative perhaps?”

I smirk, “Funny G.”

“Thank you, I’ll be here all night.”

“Unfortunately I think we both will. Who knew how badly twenty people could trash a room.”

“Oh honey, this is nothing compared to what Justin has left me with before. I swear when he gets high, he throws things around the room just to watch people like us clean it up.”

I get myself a beer from the half empty cooler, “I don’t know. Something about him… I think he’ll lay off the shit for a while.”

“When will you learn they lie? I know that you are as sweet as a peach in the summertime as we sat down south but he is neither trustworthy or honest. Just go on without trying to understand him and you’ll actually finish this tour with your sanity.”

I shake my head, “But he was so real. Like we actually connected there for a moment.”

“Note the word “moment.” That’s because that’s all his small attention span can manage.” Gia quips.

“The point is, I felt comfortable talking to him and he shared his thoughts with me.”

“I’m sure he thought he was talking to Santa Clause or something. Let it go girl.”

I sweep up some of the food as the door to room opens and Justin comes in, “Beth?”

I look up confused, “Hi.”

He looks from Gia to me, “I was wondering if you would come with me to the pool.”

I look over at Gia who rolls her eyes, “Go, I’ll stay here and clean up.”

I bite my lip, “I’ll meet you out here after I’m done.”

Justin nods, “The pool is just out back. Just tell them your name at the gate and they’ll let you in.”

Justin leaves the room and Gia comes over to me, “What are you doing? Go on, don’t stay here and clean up this crap.”

“Hey, I’m happy to stay here with you.” I say, throwing her some disinfectant.

“Liar.”

I wipe of the table and grin at her. She is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet in your life and I have the pleasure of being around her most of the time.

We spend about fifteen minutes cleaning up before Gia gives me an affectionate shove, “Go on. You wouldn’t want to keep Aristotle waiting. I’ll see you tonight.”

I quickly run my hands under the facet to clean up and grab my purse, heading outside and around the back of the hotel to the pool area. The humidity in the air is enough to make anyone want to retire to any area with an air conditioning unit. I pull out my pass and give the guard my name before heading past the gate to see Justin relaxing in the pool. I walk over to the edge and sit down, taking off my shoes and dangling my extremely sore feet in the soothing water, “What’s up?”  

Justin looks up at me, “Where’s your bathing suit?”

“I don’t have one with me.”

“Why not?”

I laugh, “I didn’t know I was allowed to have any off time to swim.”

Justin swims over to me, “I’m not that bad.”

I smile, “Maybe not.”

“Maybe?”

“I normally withhold judgment until I know the person.” I say, moving my feet against the water circulating in the pool.

“Good for you. Too bad I’m not a patient person.” Justin says, grabbing my ankles and pulling me into the water. Before I know it, I’m submerged under the water and I feel his hands grab my sides, bringing me to the surface for air.

“What was that for?”

Justin shrugs, “You looked like you needed a little fun.”

“Well after you trashed your room like you did, who wouldn’t be tired?” I ask dryly.

Justin puts his tongue in his cheek, “You are so not funny.”

“Actually I’m very witty.” I respond.

“Says who?” he scoffs.

“Says all the people I have ever come across. Maybe you should get a sense of humor.”

“Oh, that’s it.” Justin says, trying to dunk me. I squirm free and giggle incessantly as he swims after me. Finally he catches up with me and I try to keep from laughing as he stares at me, trying to be as serious as possible, “You are in so much trouble.”

I shake my head no as he nods his, “I am going to get you so drunk.”

“I can handle my liquor thank you very much.”

Justin laughs, “Not my kind of liquor.”

“Maybe you should try a simple beer.” I offer.

“What would that numb?” he adds bitterly.

I release myself from his grip and tread water, “You know, they say that if you stop taking drugs cold turkey that you use other things like alcohol to take its place. You need to be careful.”

Justin instantly tightens up. He gets frustrated and swims to the side of the pool, getting out and wrapping a towel around his waist. I feel resentment rise in me, but say nothing, swimming to the side of the pool and pull my saturated body out. I grab a towel and don’t even look at him as I leave. Gia has the right idea here, you should never share anything with the celebrities we work for. At  least G and I can watch a movie or something together and I probably won’t be riding with Justin on the bus tomorrow, which will give me a break.

I fold my arms over my chest and go up to my floor, getting into my room for a little girl talk.

________________________________________________________________________

I sit in the bed with about a half dozen empty bottles that were filled with alcohol not an hour ago sitting before me, taunting my situation. Beth was right. She knew it and I knew it. Too bad for Beth I really didn’t want to hear it. The whole reason I asked her if she would come with me to the pool was to keep me company. Right now being alone scares me. I shake with the need to relax. I never considered myself a junkie but I feel like I’m a mess. Then I began to take pain medication to numb everything but that shit is harder to get and made me lethargic during concerts, so it was on to the booze.

I can’t stand, believe me I’ve tried several times and each attempt is stunted as I tumble to the ground. I managed to claw myself back onto the bed as I try not to get sick, especially when I’m facing the ceiling. That’s how Keith Moon and Jim Morison died, chocking on their own excess, although one of the causes was drugs which I haven’t taken in a few days. A door to my room opens and Tony appears, “Dude, you alright? Damn we need a doctor again.”

“Just get Beth.” I mumble.

“What?” Tony says as he dials the doctor.

 “Get Beth now.” I scream hoarsely.

Rob comes in and Tony leaves to get Beth. Within thirty seconds Tony returns with Beth and she comes over to me, although clearly still annoyed about earlier, “Are you alright?”

I shake my head no.

“Had enough?” she asks simply.

I look at her, “I think I need help.”

“Like rehab?”

I nod again and Beth breathes a sigh of relief, “Finally. I’ll make some calls and have you in a rehab center by tomorrow.”

The doctor practically flies into the room and has me sit up. The second I do I get sick all over the floor. Beth sits down next to me as the doctor tries to see how much I have had to drink and what to do. All I know is by this time tomorrow I’ll be in rehab.

________________________________________________________________________  

I sit in the car at about seven in the morning as we drive to the rehab clinic. As soon as I was sober enough last night, I was on a plane headed for California to a local rehab center there. I know I sound like a fucking pussy right now but I’ll admit, I’m nervous. That is probably one reason as to why I have my fingers wrapped around Beth’s. I feel like I should be giving birth. Beth doesn’t say anything, which I’m grateful for. I want to be able to just feel what I feel instead of having to explain to her why that the second she got in the car and found her hand with my clammy one. She doesn’t ask questions, instead is there for moral support. Besides, I think she already knows how I feel. And that alone makes me feel better, just to know that someone understands.

The tour has be postponed for a month which infuriated record execs as well concert promoters. Within hours this shit will be all over the papers and I know that there will be speculation as to what exactly I’m recovering from. That should be fun. My mom was called as she’s meeting us at the rehab. She had no idea how bad things were so the news that I was entering a clinic sent her through the roof. She knew I had done drugs a few times but knew nothing about my habit. Until this morning.

We arrive at the clinic and it’s almost like a resort from the outside. The cameras that followed us realize the goldmine they have and flashes start going off wildly. Rob opens the car door and I step out, still clutching Beth’s hand. I see my mom as she comes running over to me and collides with my body, hanging on for dear life, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

I let go of Beth and hug my mom, “It’s going to be alright mom.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was this bad.” She says out of slight anger and concern.

“I’m sorry mom. At least I’m doing this.”

She nods, tears streaming down her face, “I know. You’re going to be fine.”

Mom looks from me to Beth and back to me, “I’m Lynn.” She says, extending her hand.

I scoot Beth closer, “Mom, this is my personal assistant Beth.”

Beth shakes her hand and I watch as my mom eyes her carefully as to why she’s here. I go to explain when I see a familiar blonde get out of her car and walk over to us, “Justin, I came as soon as your mom called.”

That’s the one good thing I had thought would be the best thing about this place, maybe Cameron wouldn’t contact me, “What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I wanted to be here for you. Even though we are not together anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” She says, eyeing Beth as well, though in a “Don’t even think about it” way.

Beth looks extraordinarily uncomfortable as the two biggest influences in my life size her up. She is saved though as Rob moves us to the clinic and into the building. We are all greeted by the director of the establishment who leads us to the bedroom I’ll be staying in. The reality hits me of exactly what’s happening and I see Beth watching me out of the corner of her eye. I set down my things as Cam and mom go about the room, inspecting it and opening my suitcases to put my things away. Only Beth sits down on the bed next to me. I give her a silent thank you as Cam, who notices Beth once again slides in between the two of us, “I’ll come visit you and call.”

“Great.” is all I can manage to say. I wonder if they treat possessive exes at this place.

One of the people that work here comes into my room, “Visiting time is over, you need to leave and let Mr. Timberlake get settled.”

Mom starts to cry again and hugs me tightly followed by Cam, “We’ll see you soon.”

I nod and everyone starts to leave the room. I grab Beth’s wrist as she leaves and give her as quick hug, “Thanks for everything. I’m sorry about the whole pool thing.”

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

She looks surprised, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you in a month.”

“Okay.”

“Get better. Maybe you’ll be faster with your come backs after this.”

I try to laugh a little, “I think your to much of a smart ass for me to ever be that quick.”

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

Beth smiles as she walks out, “That’s true. See you on the other side Timberlake.”

“You too Beth.”

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fear
Wish you were here.

Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here