I can't believe I let myself become this woman. I always watched TV, and saw the women on talk shows who were confronting their lying boyfriends and I would say, "Girl, you need to get rid of him!" Then I found myself in that same position, and I did something I never thought I'd do. This is my dairy, my dairy of his affair.

I was the nerdy kid growing up. I didn't have a ton of friends, I mostly did clubs and academic stuff for school to make the time go by. I wasn't popular with boys at all, the few guy friends I had looked at me like a little sister, and we alittle afraid of me because I was strong and I spoke my mind. I kind of, grew into myself when I hit my late teens, early 20's. I figured out that I was who I was and there were men out there who would accept that. That gave me alot of confidence and I opened up to people more. But, guys still mostly looked at as the cool little sister. I had been out on a few dates but no serious relationships.

Justin and I met at the mall of all places. Who meets at the mall nowadays? There was this guy in one of my classes that I had always thought was really cute. Adorible. Hot, even. He and Justin look alike, like brothers, damn near identical. So, I'm at the mall in a store and I see Justin, and ofcouse he looks like Kyle, the guy in my class. So I'm looking at him, and looking at him, trying to figure out if that's Kyle or not. Finally Justin turns to me and says, "Why are you staring at me?"

I thought to myself, "Oh great, now some stranger thinks I'm a freak."

I explained to him what I was doing, confusing him with someone else, and he said he got that alot. We got into a conversation, which led to exchanging phone numbers, which led to going to the movies that night. I was smitten with him from day one. I thought he was the most amazing guy. He was gorgeous with these big blue eyes. He was tall and lean and had this amazing tummy.

Most of all he impressed me because he listened to me. Really listened. He had a rought childhood, like I did. I've always been attracted to people who have a 'past'. But, he understood me like no one did, because he was in the same place I was. I fell so in love with him. I loved who he was as a person, and who he wanted to become. He wanted to make it in life, grow up and be somebody, have a family. He was motivated.

We started officially dating days after we met. We were inseperable. There wasn't a 6 hours period that went by where we didn't talk. Middle of the night, middle of the day, it didn't matter we were together. Like one of those whirlwind summer romances that you can't stop thinking about years later. We'd only been together for two weeks when he told me he loved me. I thought it was a little odd but, we spent so much time together that I thought it was possible for him to have fallen in love with me. Besides, I thought I was in love with him too.

It was about three months into our relationship when the problems began. He started getting strange calls on his cellphone, calls he didn't want me to know anything about. He'd get up and leave when he checked the caller ID. He'd lock his phone so I could look at anything, when normally he didn't care what I did. I just a feeling in the pit of my stomach, that something was going on.

I got bored onenight, so I hopped online and got on MySpace. Everyone knows what MySpace is, it's the new IN thing. Justin and I both have one. So I went and got a cute little 'I Love You' blinky thing and I was going to put it on his MySpace. I get to his page, and there's these comments, from a girl who was like 17 or 18, saying that she loves him so much, and he's her baby, they're going to be together. My heart just dropped into my chest. I went to her page and there was a countdown to their one month anniversary posted.

I was so mad, I was livid. I didn't know what to do. I felt empty, and drained, like someone had taken my heart and ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it. Here was this man I loved, and her was another girl, loving him too. I didn't have the strength to see him face to face. I knew I'd just break down and cry, or lose my nerve, so I called him instead. It's easier to confront someone over the phone. He denied the whole thing. Said she was a friend, the countdown was because she'd just moved back into town and it would symbolize their month of being friends face-to-face again.

I bought that BS. Not completely, but I let him off the hook. He accused me of not trusting him, of not loving him and caring about his feelings. I felt bad, because if it was the other way around, I'd want him to believe and trust in me. Then he sweet talked me, telling me how much he loved me, and wanted to be with me. He said I was everything he was looking for in a woman and that he didn't know what he'd do if he lost me.

You know that song, What Hurts The Most, but The Rascall Flatts? He sang it to me. Like I said, I was never popular with the boys before. He was my first real boyfriend, first guy I ever loved, first guy I opened up to. I fell for the mushy stuff, because I'd never had it before.

That weekend I went away with a friend for some girls R & R. We were both having a stressful month so we decided to get away. I brought my laptop with me, so we could chat online. I couldn't bare the thought of not being connected to him. Saturday night, while my roommate slept, I went back to his MySpace. The messages from the girl were still there. I read them over and over, going back and forth from his page to hers. That feeling in my tummy was back. Something wasn't right, it just wasn't right. So I messaged her.

I told her that I was Justin's girlfriend, and I wanted to know what exactly was going on between them. At first she had this attitude, saying I better not be his ex trying to mess things up for them. I got defensive too, and I told her she had no idea who she was dealing with. I said I wasn't his ex, yet, so she better start talking. She confessed that they were together. That they'd dating for a month before making it official.

We both decided to break up with him. I called Justin and told him what I knew. He said he wanted to explain. He tried, he kept interupting me, trying to squeeze some lie in to make me believe in him. But I couldn't do it. I hung up on him. It just hurt to bad.

I didn't take his calls for a week. I knew that if I saw him or spoke to him that I would give in again. I just kept thinking about hos stupid I was to believe him. Ofcourse he was going to turn it around on me and make me feel guilty. Because HE was the guilty party. I just wanted to go back to my life without him, and move on and meet someone decent.

Around two a.m. there was a knock on my window. I still lived at home at the time, so he'd go in and out of my window when it got really late. Anyways he was there, knocking, and dummy me opened the window. He came in, told me he wanted to explain himself. I gave him the chance. I thought I was strong enough to look him in the eye and tell him 'no'.

He admitted to lying to me. He admitted that there was another girl, several other girls actually. He never did tell me exactly how many. Justin told me he did it because he was lonely. He needed to have someone to talk to, and to be with at all times. So when I went to work, or went out with other friends, he needed someone to occupy his mind so he didn't goin insane in the silence. I looked at him and I was so ready to tear him a new one. I was gonna rip him from stem to stern and then throw him out. But then he took my hand, and he looked down at me. Those eyes. Those amazing eyes. They'd begged me to believe him, to forgive him. He said he'd do anything to earn my trust back, even if it was just a trust between friends. He asked for my friendship, and I gave it. Like an idiot, I gave it. I hated that I could relate to his need for attention. I'd been lonely before. I'd been needy before. Everyone has, so I couldn't fault him for it.

We started to talk again, and I started to date again. Honestly, I hadn't been looking forward to not having him in my life. Even though he hadn't been there for long, he'd become to essential in my day-to-day world. If I didn't talk to him or see him, I was in a bad mood, or I couldn't sleep. It was like the world titled off it's axis. The idea of not having him around hurt more than anything. I was happy with our friendship, and I was having fun hanging out with friends and doing things without a boyfriend beeping my phone every ten minutes to find out what I'm doing. Justin seemed alright with it too.

He ended all of his other relationships. I was the only woman he stayed in contact with. He dated one girl, for about a week, and then it fizzled out. I thought everything was going to get back to the way it used to be. But I was wrong.

One faithful night, there was a knock at my window again. There was Justin, wearing jeans and a black hoody, climbing in my window.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing up from my bed.

"I came to see you, Charity," he brushed off his jeans and removed his hood as I curled my lip at him.

"Why?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Because I felt like it. I missed you, weirdo."

"I'm the weirdo? You refuse to us the frontdoor but I'm the weirdo?"

"I don't want your Mom to see me."

"You climb in the window at your house too."

"Because I don't want my Mom to see me. Duh blondie."

I looked at a strand of my raven colored hair, and then at his dirty blonde curls. I was the blondie in this conversation?

I offered McGyver a seat on my bed, and we chit chatted for a moment, because I asked again why he'd decided to come through my window. That's when the conversation changed. He scooted closer, and touched my arm, telling me he'd missed me so much. We'd seen eachother the week before, but I admitted I missed him too. He was still a fixture in my life, regardless of our past experience. My mind started to reel when his hand touched my neck, and he was leaning in to kiss me. When our lips connected, it was like my world stopped and went silent. I felt my soul let out a sigh and strangely, everything was at peace. He touch always gave me peace, it calmed me. We'd been doing the friend thing for three months, and we hadn't touched eachother the whole time.

I was a sucker for his skin, and his smell. His lips were enticing and familiar. I gave in, and we made love. That was always one of his stronger points. He was good in bed, if good on a scale of one to ten means twelve. One of his goals in life was to be the perfect lover. The 'Great Justin Timberlake' known far and wide. He was on a mission to know exactly how to touch me to make me puddy in his palm. That probably should have tipped me off to what kind of a man he was in the beginning. Who in the world is that preoccupied with sex that they read numberous books on it? But the point is, we slept together, and then after a lengthy conversation we got back together.

There was a part of me that was happy. I admit I'd been alittle off balance without him in the 'boyfriend' position. Then there was a part of me that felt alittle, over it. As if I had moved on from being that woman that was so enamored with him, and I wondered why I was doing it to myself again. It also didn't help that all of my friends were screaming, "No! Why?" in my ears. They said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." but Justin had assured me he'd changed. I believed that he'd changed, and I also was willing to except responsibility for my role in it.

"Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice." I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

A week went by, and he was more distant than he had been when we were dating before. We didn't talk constantly. Actually, he'd disappeared for most of that first week. I didn't hear from him for three or four days. While he was gone I logged onto his MySpace, and experienced a sense of de ja vu. There were messages, from another girl, saying she loved him, and was so happy to be with him, and couldn't wait for him to move to New York so they could get married. My heart didn't even sink this time. I just thought to myself, "Are we really doing this again?"

I messaged the girl, telling her what had happened before, and what was going on now. She dropped out of the picture then and there. I didn't even mention it to Justin. It was like I was checked out. I wasn't even concerned with him, or our relationship. I knew that he didn't love me, and that I was just a nother name on his roster. Another story to tell. I also, in the moment, figured out that I deserved better.

The girl messaged Justin, telling him their little relationship was over and done with. She explained that I had spoken to her, which ofcourse meant that I knew. He conveniantly dropped out of sight for a while. I like to imagine him running out of town like a scared puppy with his tail between his legs. I broke up with him. Left him a message, on his favorite website, telling him he was scum, and I was over it. I was to old to play this game anymore. I expected to feel some hurt, some sorrow. But I just felt relief. I could finally get back to focusing on the most important thing: me.

He called, he wrote, he came by. But I was sticking to my guns this time. I was fed up. I don't hate him, but I have no love for him. I hold no ill will towards him, but I don't plan on ever seeing or speaking to him again. Don't get me wrong, I miss him at times. His voice, his touch, having his attention and affection. Feeling connected to someone. But you can't truly be connected with someone, if they're off connecting with other people too. What could be sacred or special about your relationship if they have the same relationship with others? I'm happy where I am now, just having fun with people who really do love me and respect me. I went on a date the other night that seems very promising.

I'll tell you what I least expected out of everything though. What I didn't expect though was for MySpace to be my secret cheating aid. I like to believe my woman's intuition would have lead me to the truth eventually, but honestly, the truth is I might never have known if we hadn't of been members.

I guess I should send Tom a Thank You email, huh?

Charity refused to provide contact information for Justin Timberlake so that we could schedule and interview.