Sixty percent of married men, and fourty percent of married women, cheat. I just didn't know I'd be one of them. I was raised in a strict Catholic family, and we weren't allowed to date. When I turned 17 and graduated High School, I got the hell outta there. I didn't know what was out there in the world, but I was ready to find out. I just knew I did not want to get married and have kids.

When I was 19 I met a man, and I fell in love, or what I thought was love. We met on August 1st and got married on October 13th. Over the next 4 years I had two children. After that the relationship turned bad, and I decided it would be better for my boys if I left. So one day I packed them up and we took off. I got a job as a realtor and started making my own money. I liked being a single mom and raising my boys and knowing I could take care of us, but then I started thinking about if I would like being in a relationship again. Just to have someone to wake-up to and have coffee with.

I decided to go ahead and put an ad up on a dating website on the internet. Nothing special, just to test the waters and see what was out there. Once my ad was up, I started getting about 80 emails a day. I was in utter shock. I read one that said, "Hi my name is Chris, and I live at this place and my number is this, call any time," and I knew he had nothing to hide. I gave him a call, and we chitchatted for a minute, and I mentioned that I was going to go take my dog for a walk. He asked if he could come along, and said he'd bring his dog too.

I was really happy when she agreed to meet me. We had only begun speaking on the phone a few minutes prior, so I was sure she was going to say 'no', I don't even know why I asked. When I got to the park, I could see her, playing with her little chiuahuah. I thought to myself, "That's a very nice looking woman." and as I got closer to her, I could see her better. She was wearing these black spandex pants, and she was playing with her dog, bending over. I think she did it on purpose.

When I saw Chris come walking up, I was attracted to him. I thought he walked with an air of confidence.

Another thing I noticed about her right away was her laugh. She seemed like a happy person. So we stood around and talked for a minute, small talk about the dogs or the weather or whatever. We only talked for a few minutes, before she had to go.

I told him as I was leaving, that he could call me if he wanted, and maybe we could talk about going out sometime. I got home, and not an hour later he called, and asked if I wanted to go out that night.We went to a nice little club, and had dinner, and danced alittle. I have to admit that by the end of the evening I was tipsy.

We were on the dance floor, and she stepped away from me, and I looked at her like, "What are you doing?" and she stared up at me and said, "Do you want to kiss me?" I was surprised.

I surprised the hell out of myself. But I did it. I kissed him, on the first date, and it was magical. I hadn't been kissed in a long time, since I had divorced my first husband.

After that things started progressing quickly. We went to the movies, we went on weekend retreats. It turned out we lived closer than we thought, so I would spend the night at her house, she'd spend the night at my house. It was a fast moving relationship.

Maybe a little too fast. Our relationship started to reach it's peak about 6 months into our courtship, and then it started to go back down. When I first met Chris he was exactly the type of person I had been looking for. He was funny, energetic. He liked to go out and be doing things, going here, going there. Things we never dull with him. But then he started staying home more, and he didn't want to go out and do things as much, he stopped joking as much. I would come over to his house and he would be sitting down watching something boring on television. We spent our first anniversary at my house with my kids, playing boardgames. He didn't plan anything romantic at all.

I admit maybe I wasn't being as active as I once was, but my lifestyle was changing. The demands of my job weren't as hectic as they had been before, so I was enjoying beging able to sit down at home and not do anything. I thought it was nice spending our anniversary with her kids. They had kind of become like my kids in a way and I thought all of us being together like a little family would be good.

One day I was sitting at home and I was looking up something on the internet, and I remembered my personal ad. I hadn't checked it in a year, since Chris and I met, but I'd never taken it down. It was one of those free sites that'll stay up until you remove it. So I decided to take a glance at it, just to see if anything new had happened in that year. I had a couple of emails, and one in particular had been very recent. It was from a man named Jim. He said I seemed like a very nice lady, a good looking lady, and that if I was still on the market he'd like to have a chat with me. I don't know what I was thinking when I picked up the phone and dialed his number....

Jim and I talked, and began going out to dinner once in awhile. He got me, and he understood me and what I wanted. He would take me out hiking, or on his boat and we'd fish, or whatever. He exhibited all the qualities I had been looking for in someone. All the qualities I wanted that Chris didn't have.

Trisha told me that she had made some new friends at her job, and they had this little weekly club where they'd go out and do things as a group. They'd have girls day or girls weekend or something like that. I didn't suspect an affair, but I did notice that she had less time to spend doing things with me.

Jim and I had been seeing eachother for about a month when he asked me to go away with him for the weekend. I told Chris I was going away on a buisness trip, and he agreed to watch the kids. Jim took me to a cabin in the woods. It was beautiful, surrounded by trees, by this little stream. He made us a picnic basket for lunch on that Saturday, our second day there. We were sitting on a blanket, talking, being affectionate with one another. One thing lead to a second, and we ended up making love on that blanket in the middle of the woods.

After we got back that was what we spent most of our time together doing. It was like we couldn't get enough of eachother. We were like lovestruck teenagers again. Jim made me feel young, like I was a kid who could go out and do anything. Chris made me feel old, like I couldn't do anything but sit at home with my kids. But it was starting to get harder and harder to have the two relationships. Chris started asking why I was spending so much time with my friends and going on so many work related trips when I hadn't the year before. He wanted to meet my friends, to be able to go with us. Jim started wanting more of a commitment, and I realized I had to make a choice.

One day I was at her house, I had been doing some work on her computer because my printer was busted, and I had left some papers and a disc over there. I bumped the mouse and the screen popped up, and I saw it was her email inbox. I only glanced it for a second, and I was moving the mouse to close it, and noticed there were a lot of emails from one name in particular, and one of them was a new message. I knew it was man, because his screen name was his name, and curiousity got the best of me. I opened some of the emails and they were talking about how much fun they were having, and how they couldn't wait to see eachother again. They were discussing the sexual side of their relationship and it became clear to me that Trisha was having an affair.

I didn't say anything to her at that point, I acted like nothing was going on and I hadn't seen anything. I got my papers and kissed her goodbye and as I was walking out to my car I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She said no, and looked at me kinda funny, so I went ahead and left. When I got home, I decided to spill the beans. I sent her an email, since I knew she'd be checking it soon since she was waiting to hear from Loverboy. I told her I knew what was going on and that she was sleeping with someone else and that I was disappointed, and I wasn't interested in seeing her anymore.

When I read Chris' email all I could do was drop my head in my hands. I just kept saying, "What have I done? What have I done?"

I tried calling him, but he wouldn't answer the phone. It was two weeks before he finally decided to talk to me.

It was on accident. I had my hands full and I was juggling all of this stuff and my phone, I forgot to check the caller ID.

I couldn't apologise enough. I told him I loved him, and I was sorry, and that I had broken it off with Jim. Jim and I were over, and I wanted to be with him, and I was sorry and I'd do anything to make it right, to make it up to him.

I felt for her, because I loved her, and I hate to see her hurt, even if she did do it to herself. I felt for her kids, because I had fallen in love with her boys too, and their father wasn't active in their lives. I was the only father figure they knew. They never met Jim.

But he told me he couldn't do it. He couldn't look at me and be with me without remembering what I had done, and that I had been with someone else.

I have self respect. I needed to keep some of my dignity.

I was ashamed, that I had let this happen. That I had pushed this man out of my life. I was afraid that I had taken away my boys' chance at a real Dad. I was afraid I would be alone for the rest of my life. I was ashamed that I had become one of those those women, who didn't have any respect for their bodies or their relationships. I regret what happened between Jim and I, and if I could go back and change it, I would. But I know I can't.

After a few weeks it got easier to deal with. Trisha and I never got back together, but I felt for her boys, and I loved her boys, and I still take care of them.

He picks them up, takes them out to dinner. They'll go stay at his house for the weekend or a week during summer. They talk on the phone a lot. If we're having trouble he'll give me money to take care of them. Both boys call him Dad.

Best parting gift I've ever gotten out of a relationship! Past relationships I walked away with an empty wallet, or a broken heart. This one, I got to walk away with two great kids, I got to walk away as a Dad.