Deranged Delusions

16. Can You Feel ‘My Love’ Tonight?

There is something so relaxing about sitting down on your overstuffed couch and stuffing your face with Ben and Jerry’s. It really makes you look back on the day and not think about the truly bad things that happen, but the positive ones instead.

But it seems that there was hardly any positive in my day. Wonderful, Lauren, you have officially hit rock bottom. I’m still having trouble believing that Justin acted the way he did seeing as we left on such…amiable terms the last time we were together. We were actually acting something like friends before I went to work for Clive and now we’re worse off than when we started.

I don’t know what happened to warrant this change in Justin but I don’t like it at all. Even though he was crass and a bastard towards me most of the time, he never went so far as to make me feel like a complete and total piece of crap. At least not like today. Today he was the biggest dick I have ever come across and I don’t even want to think about the things he said to me. He was just so unfair and…

I shove more Double Fudge Chunk into my mouth and sink into the couch. I try to become immersed in my Lifetime movie but it isn’t really working. The heroine is down but she ain’t out yet. I can’t help but feel I’ve been thrown down and I’m out for the count. No more depressed feelings, shove another mouthful of Double Fudge Chunk in mouth.

But the worst thing about it is, I want to go and change him. I want him to stop being the chauvinistic pig and jumbo douche bag that he is and switch him back to the respectable and somewhat fun loving person I got to know in Worden. Do I have a death wish? Why the hell do I want to go back working for Justin? The thought is ludicrous.

I’ll have a death wish after Clive finds out I didn’t get him those stills. I was so upset with Justin giving me shit that I completely forget to hunt down Archie McKennan and take those photos back to his office. Clive doesn’t normally get upset at small blunders but seeing as Justin is heading into heavy promotion for his new album, mistakes aren’t looked kindly upon.

I should start looking up new jobs now.

I try to get back into my movie but I find that it just isn’t working. I’m too busy thinking about what an idiot Justin is and how much it’s going to suck to try and find a new job once Clive gets back from his little spa weekend. Besides, I can’t even think with the pounding coming from my front door…

Oh, someone’s there. I am so out of it tonight that I didn’t even notice someone has been knocking on my door. It’s probably the Mormons again; ready to give me more Bibles. God bless them. Oh well…that’s kind of redundant.

Getting to my feet, I pull the blanket I had draped around me close around my shoulders and pad my way to the front of my apartment. Whoever the hell is at my door is practically banging it in. If they break it I am so not paying for repairs.

“Open the door, Lo-ho!” a familiar, all too annoying voice demands on the other side. Wonderful, just what I need at a time like this.

I throw open the door and lean against the doorframe as Trace tries his best not to fall into my apartment due to his incessant pounding on my door. “What do you want, Trace? I’m very busy.”

“Right, because sitting around in your pajamas with ice cream stains all over you consists of an eventful evening,” he quips while he leans against the opposite side of the door. I roll my eyes and hold the blanket closer to my chest.

“Seriously, Trace, what are you doing here…wait, how do you even know where I live?” I ask him. Wonderful, Trace has moved on up to more advanced forms of harassment. Joy of joys.

“I called J Records and had the secretary read off your address. She was more than willing when she found out who I worked for…” there he goes again, using Justin’s star power to get him what he wants. Trace doesn’t use it very often; only in dire situations so I’m guessing whatever it is he needs to tell me, in person, is something important.

Or he just likes to harass old coworkers for shits and giggles.

“Seriously, Trace, what do you want?” I question a slight edge in my voice. There’s a new movie on Lifetime starting in fifteen minutes and I want Trace off my doorstep by then, maybe even earlier if I’m mean enough.

“Well just to let you know, I dropped off those stills at Clive’s office since you forgot them this afternoon, which I can understand why. So you don’t have to worry about that at all, they got to his office…” I find myself letting out a held back breath of relief. Thank God, I don’t have to go job hunting this weekend and I don’t have to deal with the look of disappointment on Clive’s face when he was going to fire me.

“Thanks, Trace…” I begin but he interrupts.

“And, I came to apologize,” he starts but stops when I throw him a questioning look. Why does he have to say he’s sorry? He saved my ass.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Except show up on my doorstep unannounced,” I add as an afterthought. Trace shakes his head and adjusts his hat.

“No, I’m here to apologize for Justin. For what he said this afternoon…”

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

“Wow, Trace,” I begin, “I know you like to run around and do Justin’s dirty work but I had no idea that going to apologize to other people for his blatantly rude mistakes was part of the description.” I am so upset at both of them I just want to slam the door in his face. What gave Justin the audacity to send someone over to apologize for him? Is he really that self-centered? I can’t even…oh lord give me strength.

“That’s not it at all. He’s in rehearsals tonight and he couldn’t come and do it. He’s sorry for how he treated you today and he hopes that you can forgive him,” Trace rambles and I shake my head sadly.

“If he were really sorry he’d be here apologizing instead of you. So I don’t accept his apology and you can tell him to shove his abnormally large head up his lily-white ass. And yes, you can get a direct quote on that,” I lash out at Trace and he flinches. Good. He can take that back to Justin and I won’t give a damn.

“But dammit he is sorry!” Trace barks and he slams his hand against the doorframe, which causes me to jump, “He’s sorry about a lot of things, more than you’ll ever know actually. Why can’t you just wake up and see what’s right in front of you?” I have no idea what Trace is talking about and I don’t want to analyze it at all either.

“The only thing I see in front of me is a vertically challenged personal assistant who doesn’t have the balls to tell his hybrid boss-best friend that he’s full of shit when it comes to me. Drive safe, Trace, and have a good weekend.”

And before the little pipsqueak can utter a sound, I slam the door in his face and make my way back to Ben, Jerry, and TiVo. Life doesn’t get much better than this.

I am the biggest dick on the face of the planet. If you dressed me up in a penis suit and had me parade around naked up and down Sunset Boulevard that wouldn’t be enough of a dick to compare to how I’m acting right now.

I was caught off guard, I never expected to see Lauren waltz into that photo shoot after not seeing her for four months. I panicked, I didn’t know what to do, so I lashed out and acted like the biggest ass on the face of the planet.

I made her cry, which is something I have never done to her before. After almost four years together I don’t think I’ve ever made her cry, not once, and it’s only when we aren’t working together that I make her practically sob in front of me.

Way to go Timberlake. You are such a moron.

Trace practically ripped me a new one after Lauren bolted from the studio. I’m not going to say that I deserved it. I mean he has to know that I haven’t seen her in four months and suddenly having her pop up out of the blue, with no warning, really threw me for a loop.

“How do you expect her to know how you really feel when all you can do is make her feel like shit?” he asked me, and while he does have a point, I don’t think Trace really understands. I mean he and Elisha always talked about their feelings and stuff but look where they ended up? She’s not with him anymore and I got to write myself a pretty little song about it. I still can’t believe I told Trace how I’m pretty much in love with Lauren. But then again he practically forced it out of me when I came back to the house and she wasn’t with me.

He laughed for freaking hours. And I’m not kidding.

Trace was even more upset with me when I told him he had to go apologize for me seeing as I’m kind of tied with my career right now. It didn’t go over well because apparently I’m supposed to shove my head up my ass but if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I could retire.

But I have to keep my game face on tonight. Tonight marks my debut on an American stage in over three years. I’m not nervous or anything, just excited. Johnny just called me about twenty minutes ago from the front of the House of Blues I’m performing at and told me that I am so money.

I guess there are a lot of people. That tells me that I don’t suck.

I’m getting ready for the show the best way I can, kicking back in the dressing room with my mom, Trace, and Marty. It’s a nice little group and I’m enjoying myself before I have to go out onstage and entertain the pants off of a mid sized crowd.

Lord it feels good to be back.

“I’ve heard rumors about people showing up for this show,” Trace explains with a hint of a smile on his lips. Great, he’s hiding something from me; this is just what I need — Trace being secretive. The last time this happened I managed to almost kill myself in the hotel I was staying at while in Hawaii.

“Really? Like who?” I don’t really care about who’s showing up for this show. I know the one tomorrow night is going to be insane and the one in New York…I don’t even want to think about that one right now.

“Don’t know, just some people,” he’s really pissing me off now and my mom is picking up on it because soon she’s shoving Marty and Trace out the door so I can get my wits about me before going out on stage.

But she’s back five minutes later with a small grin on her face. What the hell? Did Trace tell her something? I hate it when I’m the last to know everything.

“What?”

“Clive just showed up, dear,” Mom tells me and I nod my head before giving her an indifferent shrug. I wrap a scarf around my neck and take a swig of water, “Lauren’s with him…”

Fuck.

“That’s nice,” I try to say nonchalantly while I try to get rid of the nerves that are suddenly piling in my stomach. She wouldn’t know about the songs, she wouldn’t know about any of that because she hasn’t heard my music. But she will tonight.

Oh this is not good.

“Are you okay, baby?” Mama asks me and I nod before I sit down heavily on the couch. Why am I so nervous that she’s here? It’s just freaking Lauren. She hates me, but I don’t hate her.

“I’m fine. I just got a heat wave all of a sudden.” Yeah, a heat wave because I know she’s going to be out there, looking at me, watching me, judging me…

“You should take off that scarf and that jacket then if you’re so hot. I don’t know why you always wear that before you go out on stage,” she chides and I know she’s being her motherly self but it really is annoying me right now.

“Can you go get Trace?” I ask her and she wordlessly nods before she flips out her phone and starts to get Trace on the line. It’s not that I can’t talk to my mom about this; it’s just that…Trace has been there for me since the beginning of this whole Lauren thing and he’ll know what to do.

Five minutes later, I’m still flipping out, and I was supposed to be out onstage about five minutes ago. Man those fans are going to be pissed. But I don’t care; I’m about to piss my pants.

“Sup?” Trace has oh so gracefully announced his entrance into the room.

“Is she out there?” I ask him almost frantic.

“Who, Lauren? Yeah, she’s sitting next to Clive.” Trace states as if there is nothing wrong with this statement. My heart is only going a mile a minute. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t go out there. I can’t perform, not with her watching me,” I mumble.

“What? Am I supposed to go out there and escort her from the audience because you can’t go out and sing with her watching? Grow some balls man and suck it up! You’re being ridiculous!” Trace rambles as he paces about the room. There’s something slightly comical watching him traipse around the room but my thoughts quickly go back to Lauren and suddenly I feel like I have to throw up again.

“But what if I screw up? She’ll laugh at me!” I counter and Trace rolls his eyes and sends me a glare as if to ask me if I’m really serious about that statement.

“Really, Justin? If you screw up she isn’t going to notice. She has no idea how your set list goes and she doesn’t know how your songs go…” God I forgot about the songs.

“But the songs,” I croak, “I mean, some of the ones I wrote. Do you think that she’ll know?” Trace shrugs and picks up a beer bottle that was probably his before my mom kicked him out earlier. He takes a swig and brushes the excess liquid off of his lips.

“Won’t know until you go out there and sing them. Who knows, maybe hearing them will finally wake her up in the sense of how you care.”

This is true. If I go out there and sing some of the new songs that she doesn’t know about, she might completely overlook the fact that they’re pretty much about her. I can do this. I mean, I’m Justin fucking Timberlake and while I can be a major prick most of the time, I am still the best entertainer on the planet.

“Thanks, Trace,” I state while I get to my feet. I tug on my scarf and walk over to him, clapping him firmly on the shoulder, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d probably be pissing your pants or canceling the show, which would result in a huge ass mob outside, but yeah, I know where you’re coming from. Just go out there and give them a killer show.”

Yeah…I’ll do just that.

I was so skeptical when Clive told me he wanted me to attend Justin’s concert with him. He could have taken his other assistant, Kate; she fucking loves Justin and would probably kill to be in my position. But I guess he wants someone who will keep her head at a concert starring Justin Timberlake. I don’t even want to imagine what Kate would do should she ever have the misfortune of meeting him. Probably hump his leg or do something of equal Justin Ego Boosting proportions.

But here I am, sitting next to Clive on the second level of the House of Blues in Anaheim, watching the crowd milling about and pressing up against the stage. You couldn’t pay me to stand down there and it’s kind of pissing me off the way some people are getting antsy down below. I mean, they’re booing now, is that really necessary? Seriously?

Idiots.

All of a sudden the lights dim and the crowd goes nuts. I find my heart leaping up into my throat and I lean forward before I grab onto the railing. Why am I so anxious about this? Really, it’s just Justin and yeah, he’s an ass but I still can’t help but feel nervous for him. This is the first time he’s performing on American soil in like three years.

“Relax, Lauren,” Trace says as he comes up behind me. He hands me a bottle of beer and I take it without question. He sits down in the chair next to me and studies my face as I watch the band play their intro.

Inspector Gadget…what the hell?

“I am relaxed,” I state simply before taking a swig of my drink. Trace gives me a knowing smile and I look back at him before the screams escalate and Justin walks out onstage to begin his first song.

Is he looking up here? Why is he looking up here? I turn around to see why he’s looking in our direction but when I notice that no one is behind me I turn back to face him and see that he’s busy entertaining the throng of people below. Weird. I could have sworn…

“It’s cute that you’re nervous for him,” Trace croons and I roll my eyes before I take another sip of my beer. Trace is the type of person that would cause you to turn to drink so you can ignore his annoying habits with just a bit of drunkenness. Not that I’m going to get drunk, I am here on the job.

“I am not nervous, Trace and if you don’t leave me alone, I’m throwing your body over the balcony and you can crowd surf,” I threaten and he laughs loudly before he stands up and starts to dance in place. What a retard.

The concert continues and before I realize what’s happened, Justin has stopped singing and is taking a small breather, taking off his scarf and hat. Thank God, I don’t know why he got into the whole three-piece suit thing. Granted he looks really good in it and…

Shut up.

He segues into his new music and he’s singing a song about his love or something of the sort. It’s a catchy song, I’m enjoying it, but I am not enjoying the fact that he’s staring straight at me while he’s singing. I’m also not liking how the fans on the ground floor are turning around to see who he’s looking at.

Great, people are pointing at me now. Wonderful, thanks Justin. He won’t stop singing to me. I stare right back at him, roll my eyes, and he starts to laugh in the middle of his song, a huge dorky smile on his lips.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand him. Ever.

“What is that song called?” I bark at Trace and he looks down at me seeing as he’s still standing up and dancing with Justin’s mom. His best friend is grinning from ear to ear and he kneels down so his mouth is right next to my ear.

“My Love,” he practically screeches into my ear and I clap a hand to my injured external organ and give Trace a very offended look. Now that my ears are bleeding I have time to take into account the song…

Well that is until he breaks into a new song and I find myself entranced by what he’s singing about. If there’s one thing Justin knows how to do, its how to perform and keep an audience interested in what he’s saying and doing.

The strange thing is he keeps looking at me throughout the show and I’m really getting uncomfortable. He hates me, why is he looking at me while he’s singing all these love songs? And then it hits me. It hits me like a huge fucking semi running over a rabbit on the interstate.

He’s making fun of me.

That bastard! That little bastard! He knows I don’t like public attention and here he is staring at me causing a scene, and making everyone around me look at me as if I just bagged the biggest fucking prize of the century and I don’t even like him! I can’t stand him and here he is making things difficult for me! That little schmuck!

“You look upset,” Trace comments and I look up at him and nod curtly before I take a sip of water and look over at Clive. He’s enjoying himself, he’s gone into enjoyment mode and that’s all there is to it. “Why?”

“Because he’s making fun of me!” I lament and Trace gives me a confused look before I tell him everything I was just thinking. Trace mumbles a disgruntled and discomforted phrase and I totally miss what he’s talking about. “What?”

“You don’t get it do you?” Trace yells over the strains of one of his new songs. I think it’s called ‘Love Stoned.’ “You really don’t get it!”

“Get what?” I yell back.

“She’s got me hooked, it just ain’t fair but I’m love stoned and I could swear that she knows, I think that she knows, knows…” Justin croons from the stage and out of the corner of my eye I can see him looking up at me again and I just want to pick up my bottle and chuck it at the stage.

“For someone who prides herself for being so smart and in the know about things, you are so in the dark about this one. I hope you can see what’s in front of you before it’s too late,” Trace reprimands me and I roll my eyes before I settle back to watch the performance.

Another half hour later the show is over and the audience begins to shuffle out of the venue. Clive has gone to talk with some industry people who came to see the show and I know he’ll go backstage once the show is over. I just keep my butt in my seat and watch the general excitement of the fans as they push and shove out of the extremely hot space. I’m about to stand up and go find some water when suddenly a girl moves in front of me and prevents me from moving.

Oh I love confrontations.

“You’re Lauren Walters aren’t you?” This girl, probably around twenty asks me as soon as the house lights come up. She looks vaguely familiar and for some odd reason I have the sudden sense of déjà vu. Like we’ve been in the same atmosphere before or something like that.

“Yes, why?” I ask cautiously. The last thing I need is for this girl to call me out in front of Clive and then all hell would more than likely break loose. I try to remember if I told any girls off in the past year or so in regards to Justin or even Clive. You wouldn’t believe the number of girls who approach the poor man asking him if they can sing him a couple bars of ‘Amazing Grace.’

“Is there something going on between you and Justin? Because he was looking at you a lot during some of his songs,” she comments and I want nothing more than to smack the questioning, Nancy Drew look off of her pretty little face. I know she isn’t a fan because a lot of them are down below trying to fight the sea of people so they can get some fresh air that doesn’t have the faint aroma of sweat and booze. Plus I just realize that she gave Clive a hug when she first walked into the room before the start of the show.

“Of course not. I haven’t spoken with him since March,” I explain. Wow, has it really been that long?

“Well I mean you were making out with him back at that party he had in late February or early March…”

What the hell is she talking about? Is the girl on the pipe or something because I have no idea what the heck she is babbling on about. I have never made out with Justin and I never have the intention of making out with him. I guess the girl noticed my confused expression because she’s choosing to elaborate,

“You were so drunk I don’t even know if you remember, but you had yelled at me about something and then he came over and tried to get you to calm down and then you were going at it.”

Oh my God. That lying, no good, piece of shit scrotum sucker! He lied to me! He lied to me after I specifically asked him the morning after if we had done anything at all! He’s the reason why Neal and I broke up and why my life has somehow gone down the drain even though I’m working for Clive fucking Davis. Oh my God I am going to kill him!

I don’t say another word to the girl. I merely turn around and walk towards the door that will lead me to the backstage area. I know Clive can handle himself and he only needs me if he’s too damn lazy to go get a drink from the bar or if one of his new clients calls him while he’s enjoying the concert. He’s too busy schmoozing right now to care what I’m doing which is good because later on he’ll be caring that I beat the shit out of his most promising artist!

Security lets me by with a quick nod and I even get a small wink from Eric. I hope the boys are ready to deal with me tonight because it’s going to take all of Justin’s security team to pull me off of him once I get my hands on him.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more betrayed or put on in my entire life. He lied to my face and told me that we didn’t do anything and yet apparently we made out at his retarded little party that ended up getting me a one way ticket to Single Town. This is all his fault and oh boy is he going to know it.

Walking down the condensed hallways I know exactly where his dressing room is seeing as there are about twenty different people crushed outside the hall waiting for a chance to see him and tell him what a great job he did. I want to do the exact opposite and tell him what a douche bag he’s been and how I can’t stand him and that he will never have any children once I’m through with him.

Pushing through all the people, I make my way to the door and bang on the heavy slab of wood. There isn’t an answer so I pound harder. I don’t care that I’m getting strange looks from the various admirers and I don’t care that his mother is looking at me like I’m some kind of insane lunatic. All I know is I have to punch him or do something because he pretty much destroyed my future with one single word.

The door opens and Justin is escorting a group of reporters out of the room. A gaggle of young women are waiting by the door and he’s about to bring them in when he sees my face. An expression of surprise and something else appears on his face and for some odd reason words fail him. He opens his mouth to speak but all that comes out is silence, he looks like a fish caught out of water and pretty soon he’s going to be a gutted fish.

I don’t waste any time. Surging forward, I push him back into the room, ignoring the blatant cries of outrage from the women, and I slam the door behind me. Locking it quickly I turn around to face Justin who is just standing in the middle of the room, still at a loss for words.

“Lauren…”

“Shut the fuck up,” I spit. I’m so mad I’m seeing red and I just want to jump on him and start smacking him over and over and over again because I am that angry with him. I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad at him before and that’s counting the time he slept with my best friend, ruined my chances of a promotion, claimed that I was his girlfriend to my entire hometown, and then gave me a promotion on top of that when I was first starting to realize that we could actually be good friends, maybe something more…

“What the…”

“I thought I told you to shut the fuck up?” I bark, “How could you do this to me?”

“I —”

“Shut. Up.” I’m fuming, I can’t see straight, the room is spinning, and I want a drink really, really badly. And Justin looking at me like I’m some loony escaped from an institution is not helping. But then again I must look pretty scary. I mean, I am pissed beyond words and the way he’s looking at me, like I’ll disappear and never be in the same room again is making me want to throw him against a wall, “I mean really, what were you thinking?”

“What…”

“Jesus, would you just shut up?” I yell at him, my reserve finally starting to crack.

“How the hell can I shut up when you’re asking me god damn questions?” Justin yells at me. What the hell does he have to be angry about?

“Don’t you realize they’re rhetorical?” I snip, “God you are such a mother fucking retard…”

“I only learn from the best and she’s standing right in front of me,” he quips and I turn around and pick up a random, empty plastic cup and chuck it at his head. He dodges it easily and responds by picking up a half drunken beer bottle and throws it towards me.

I duck and it shatters against the door behind me. “You sonuvabitch! You could have freaking killed me!”

“Good, then at least you’d be out of my face and not in my head all the damn time!” Justin snarls and I blanch for a second.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I glower and I guess he’s realized that he’s gone too far with some internal battle in his head because he quickly checks himself and stares at me with the expression he only reserves for blatantly rude fans and nosy paparazzi.

“You are such a fucking bitch. What gives you the right to come into my dressing room and give me shit about something I know nothing about?”

“Oh you know something about it and the only bitch in here is you. You only fucking took advantage of me when I was shit faced drunk and then lied about it the next day!”

“Jesus Christ, is that what this is about?” Justin asks as he throws his arms up in exasperation before he laughs that sinister little laugh of his that he keeps on the back burner for songs dealing with exes and other weird ass shit that I try to not get involved with, “You do realize that you came up to me and started to kiss me, right? That whole doing was your fault!”

“You could have stopped me!” I say shrilly before I pick up a plate of food and look down at it. Always good to have some ammunition because I know he’s going to say something highly offensive. That’s just how he is.

“Please, you needed the Jaws of Life to get you off of me. Just goes to show that even Lo-ho the Frigid Bitch can’t get enough of Justin Timberlake.”

And he has just crossed that big ass double yellow line.

With a gnarled scream I hurl the plate of food towards him and, while he’s dodging out of the way, I sprint towards him and run into him, sending his body into the wall behind him. I can feel his breath leave his body and before I know what I’m doing, I’m pummeling my fists into his stomach and yelling something fierce about how he would never amount to anything without me and how all along he was using me for just about anything and everything.

“I hate you! I hate you!” I chant over and over again and suddenly I’m being pushed away and sent reeling back towards the small couch set up in the middle of the room. Leaning against the back of the couch, I look up at Justin and see him doubled over trying his best to catch his breath.

“What the fuck was that for? Jesus Christ, Lauren you are psychotic.”

“Takes one to know one you little Timberfuck. You think I like being this way? You made me the way I am. I’m this crazy and this rude and crude because I had to deal with your sorry ass for four fucking years! You ruined my relationship with Neal, you ruined my relationship with my best friend, you just ruined everything!”

“You did that to yourself!”

“Did not!” I counter as I stand up straighter and brush my hair behind my ears. I’m breathing heavily and so is he, for some odd reason. We fall into silence for a few seconds; the only sound heard are our breathing and the questioning muffled voices coming from outside his dressing room. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m running at him, ready for round two but he’s ready for me.

Right as I’m about to run into him, he stretches out his arms and picks me up underneath my arms. Lifting me completely off the ground, I start to fight in his grasp but I soon stop when I catch the look in his eyes.

They are just so intense and so…Jesus they’re so blue. And the look he’s giving me is a mixture of confusion, anger, and something else. There’s…passion in his eyes and it’s a kind I’ve never really seen or taken the time to notice before.

“You are so fucking stubborn,” Justin says, his voice low and husky and…good God what the hell am I thinking? He sets me down in front of him and I go to smack him in the face but he quickly reaches out with his hand and catches my own.

I don’t know who moved first, but the next thing I know there’s this roaring sound in my ears and some sort of animal is welling up inside of me and before I know what’s hit me his mouth is on mine and I can’t keep my damn hands to myself.

The first time I kissed Justin I was apparently too drunk to remember. The second time was in a dream when I thought he was dead but in a way that didn’t really happen. But I guess third time is the fucking charm because this is amazing. Truman couldn’t kiss like this, Neal couldn’t kiss like this and I don’t think Justin would be able to kiss like this if he weren’t so pissed off at me.

A growl escapes his throat as he breaks his mouth away from mine and starts to kiss my neck and my collarbone and all I can do is stand there and pray to God I don’t make some kind of noise that will alert him that I’m actually enjoying this. Like he said, I’m fucking stubborn and he’s going to have to work for it.

I lean forward and start to bite on his ear, which results in him starting to giggle like an idiot. I roll my eyes and start to work my hands up and down his back, shivering slightly at the thought that the only thing separating me from his naked torso are one of those wife beaters that he’s been wearing since he came out of the womb.

He tugs my hair loose from its ponytail and suddenly I’m grabbing both sides of his face and jumping up into his arms. His hands instantly clasp underneath my butt and my legs wrap around his waist as he starts to walk over towards the vanity, our lips meeting again for, it can’t only be the second time can it?

And suddenly I’m being slammed against the back of the vanity, the sound of different glass bottles and trinkets being thrown around and crashing to the ground is muffled by the sounds of our grunts and groans and I can’t help but think this is something one would probably watch on late night HBO or something. I mean this isn’t the way I would expect to kiss someone at all. They’re supposed to be sweet, romantic, sometimes awkward but this…this is entirely different. This is spontaneous, wild, and somewhat sexy and I have no idea why.

“Oh God,” I whisper against his lips as he caresses my face with his hands. This is getting to be too much and I know I can’t handle this. My body is burning up right now and the only thing that’s cold right now is the counter I’m perched on and Justin, which is strange because he should feel hot but for some reason…

Jesus, Lauren don’t think, just do.

I unwrap one of my legs from his waist and lodge my foot against his stomach. Smiling against his perfectly plump lips I push him away from me and hop off of the counter before I grab both sides of his face with my hands and start to push him back quickly towards the opposite side of the room. He crashes into the wall and he reaches out and grabs my waist for support.

“Ouch,” he manages to gasp out before we’re attacking each other again. I really do feel like some kind of wild animal because I have never done anything like this before but it feels so fucking good. The huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I realize that it’s probably all the frustrations that I’ve garnered over the past four years and it feels so good to get it off my chest.

His hands are everywhere. My stomach, my arms, my butt, my breasts, my back, they don’t freaking stop and I love it. My own hands are currently nestled behind his neck but they soon find themselves traveling down his chest and towards the collar of his shirt. I swear they’ve got a mind of their own because they gather the folds of fabric together and soon the sounds of ripping join the symphony of bodies slamming and the moans and groans that you’d only hear as a back for a Lil’ Jon song.

“Someone’s a bit eager…” Justin mutters against my jawbone and I silence him by meeting his lips with my own and we continue at the pace we had already determined when we first started this little tryst.

Neal would have never done something…

Neal. Party. Drunk. Kiss. Break up. Justin. Liar. Asshole!

My body immediately goes on lock down and I push myself away from Justin who was just starting to work the buttons on my blouse open. He looks at me, eyes filled with disappointment and I can only stare at him with disbelief.

“Why’d you stop?” he asks, “I was having fun. And I think you were too.”

Oh God, why does he have to be such an asshole?

“Fun or not you still lied and you’re nothing but a jerk and an ass and a fucking hypocrite,” I explain my voice taking on the familiar snarl I get every time I’m in an argument with Justin.

“Jesus Christ, Lauren why are you always blowing hot and cold? One minute you can’t keep your hands off of me and the next you’re ready to kill me!”

“Oh shut up, Justin! I wasn’t the one trying to push you into the mother fucking vanity mirror!”

“Well you’re a bad kisser! At least you didn’t bite my tongue this time,” he retorts and I stare at him with my mouth open.

“Excuse me? Just because you think you’re God’s gift to earth doesn’t make you a good kisser. Neal was so much better than you!”

“Sure, I don’t think he ever made you make noises like that. Ever.”

“What noises were you making her make, Justin?” a familiar and all too annoying voice sounds from the door. My heart skips one, two, three beats and I turn around to see Trace standing in the threshold, key in his hand, and all of Justin’s security, his mother, and Clive standing behind him. Justin is paler than a ghost and I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks to reside permanently in my face.

“Shut the hell up, Trace,” Justin mutters under his breath as his best friend walks into the room to inspect the broken beer bottle and the various beauty concoctions that were splattered all over the ground by the vanity. The devilish grin on his face is enough for me to know that Trace has a pretty good idea what was going on in this room but he doesn’t voice them out loud to the rest of the group that is still standing in the hallway.

“You guys were pretty busy, huh?” Trace comments and I really just want to run out of the room. I turn around and face Justin as I button up one of the undone buttons on my blouse and he avoids looking at me completely. So much for trying to explain this together.

“If you must know,” I begin before I whirl around facing the group and trying my best not to look like I just got caught in a pretty intense situation with Justin, “I came back in here and he was choking on a damn piece of food…” God this is so lame but what else am I going to say? ‘Oh we just decided to make out and see what happened…’ yeah, that would go over wonderfully. “I just got it out of his mouth when you opened the door.”

Trace so knows we’re lying but I know he’s going to save his ammunition for when we aren’t in such a public area. Well, he’s going to give Justin a hard time because I don’t think I’m ever going to want to be around Justin ever again after this. Not when all that just happened.

“You okay man?” Trace asks and Justin nods his head, much to my surprise. I’d figure he’d just make it harder for me and say that he wasn’t eating anything at all and that I had made up the whole thing. At least he has enough sense to keep what we just did under wraps.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks Lor.” That word stung. Only Neal called me Lor and to hear it come from Justin just brings back the thought that it was because of Justin lying that I’m here in this situation.

I’m about to reply when Clive steps forward and clears his throat. Now there are certain things that Clive does that makes you pay attention to him immediately. The clearing of the throat is a big one and it is amazing to see how many people turn to look at him as soon as he makes his need to speak known.

“Well thank goodness you were here to assist Justin, Lauren because sending Justin to the hospital would be a travesty after such a magnificent night.” I know that Clive knows I’m lying seeing as there’s a glint of mirth in his eyes, but I don’t say anything. It’s best not to mention anything because that would just make what we did all the more real.

Don’t think about it and it will all go away.

“Which is why I wanted to tell you something, with Justin present as well,” Clive adds and I can feel a sinking feeling start to settle in my stomach. This can’t be good. Any announcement that involves Justin and I can never be good. I brace myself for the worst…

“Your management called me, Justin, and told me that your clothing venture is really taking off. I know that you started that with Mr. Ayala and one of your other friends but it is really growing on a large scale that we need to have someone from the founding group on the project at all times. We need Mr. Ayala to focus more on the aspect of the line and you need to focus on this tour. Of course you still need someone to look after you and your needs while on this tour which is why I have decided…”

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no…

“…to put Lauren back with you for the remainder of the club dates.”

Fuck.

***