Kate sat nervously in the waiting room of the police station. She was tapping her shoe against the back of the chair, something she used to do when she was about to take a test she hadn’t studied for. She looked around and wondered if she’d made the right decision by coming in today. She hadn’t told anyone in her family where she was going. Her husband assumed she was out grabbing coffee with friends. Both of her daughters were in school at the high school just up the road. 

She looked down at her hands, her brand new diamond she’d gotten from JC for their fifteenth wedding anniversary glistening in the light. Her first engagement ring had been less than a ½ carat because they’d been so young. And it was a rushed wedding since she was already three months pregnant with Ellie. But JC had gone above and beyond for their 15th. The diamond was a two carat emerald cut and she still couldn’t believe she owned something this beautiful. What could she say? She had a good husband. 

They’d met in Music Theory class back when Kate was a sophomore and JC was a junior. He was from Maryland, she was from a little town in southwest Georgia. They’d both been friends with Lance, who knew both of them from different classes. Lance and Kate were theater majors and JC and Lance lived in the same dorm. She’d been severely hungover that morning -who in their right mind took Music Theory at 8am, or any class at 8am for that matter-when JC walked into the room and Kate was instantly attracted. The feeling was mutual. Lance had formally introduced them and they went out later that week. He’d never left her dorm room that weekend.

She squeezed her hand into a fist and then let her fingers tap against her knee. Her appointment was with Detective Julie Sammons, who was the head Detective of this precinct in Atlanta. Getting an appointment with her hadn’t been difficult, because of the nature of visit and the rumors of the case being reopened at Carson College, an elite private school in the heart of the city. A suicide that looked more like a homicide. Kate had shivered when she thought about that day. The day she found out Lance had hung himself. Back then, she had just found out she was pregnant and all that mattered was trying to graduate and marry JC before anyone started talking. 

Lance’s death ruined any hope of that. 

Kate sat back in the chair and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost 11:00 and her meeting had been scheduled for 10:45. No matter. She had all the time in the world. She and JC weren’t leaving to meet everyone else for their beach vacation for two more days. Just enough time to gather the information she needed from Detective Sammons. 

Julie Sammons pulled her blond hair back into a tight bun and looked through the blinds in her office at the woman sitting across from it. Kate Chasez wore jeans and a lightweight black sweater. Her brown hair was pulled back into a low, braided ponytail and she wore white sneakers. Her foot was tapping against the chair, a sign that Julie knew meant she was nervous. From what she’d read, Kate had nothing to be nervous about. She hadn’t been the one to kill Lance. But she could imagine the thoughts racing through the woman’s head right now. She’d sat on this secret for more than fifteen years now. 

It wasn’t until Lance’s sister, Stacy,  had come into the police station two weeks ago with evidence she’d found that Lance and his friend Justin had been in an argument right before his death. There was an old floppy disc that Stacy had found in the spare room at their parents house where all of Lance’s stuff had gone untouched. She’d had it converted from the disc to a zip and everything was there in plain sight. It was just a matter now of putting the rest of the pieces together. 

Kate uncrossed her legs and pulled her phone out. A message from JC lit up on her phone Meet for lunch?  JC was now a music professor at Carson College and had Wednesdays off for lunch.

Kate sighed and grimaced. She wanted to tell JC where she was and why, but first she needed to talk to Detective Sammons. 

Can you meet at 1?  She typed back and waited for him to reply. Surely they’d be done before then? 

Sure. Sushi Palace on Peachtree?

Perfect. And just for fun, she sent him three  kissy face emojis, knowing how much he hated them, but enjoying poking him a bit.

Just then, the door opened across the hall “Kate Chasez?” Julie Sammons stood in front of her office door, dressed in all black, reminding Kate of Olivia Benson with blond hair. 

“Hi.” Kate stood and followed her into the office.

Chapter 2 

"First of all, you have nothing to be nervous about." Det. Sammons immediately assured Kate as they entered her office. "You've done nothing wrong and to be honest, you seem like the most innocent out of this friend group from what I can tell."

Kate looked at her questioningly. "How did you know about -"

Det. Sammons put her hand up. "It's all on the drive. Lance Bass documented everything. It was like he knew he might need to."

Kate's next question was going to be if she could read it, but she stopped herself from asking that. It was police evidence and she knew better. Instead she said, "He documented everything?" She could feel her face flush and tears come to her eyes. 

Det. Sammons smiled at Kate and nodded. "From the day he met you up until the night before he was killed."

Kate's eyes widened. She had never heard the incident referred to as that. Suicide was the only thing she'd ever imagined happened, up until she'd received the phone call from Sammons. "So...so he was...I mean..." She trailed off. "I mean, yes, it always appeared weird to me that he killed himself. He never showed signs of...of..." She shook her head. "Anyway, I'm sorry. You called me in and I'm just rambling before you ask me anything."

Det. Sammons nodded and got right down to the facts. "In the drive, Lance wrote that you were his best friend and that he'd come out to you just a few weeks prior to the incident." 

"Yes." Kate's voice was almost a whisper and she cleared her throat. "Yes, that's exactly what happened. And he had a really big thing for our friend Justin. But Justin was extremely homophobic and I think Lance knew better than to admit his feelings to him."

"His journal - that's what we're calling it - starts the day after he met you." Det. Sammons moved a few papers across her desk towards Kate. "You can read over it. It's all there."

Kate gingerly took the papers off the desk and looked down at them. She couldn't help but smile at the Comic Sans font that the journal was written in. She looked back at Sammons. "Can I...Can I actually take these and read them?"

Sammons nodded. "We have the original. And we haven't given you the incriminating parts of the journal only because we're still trying to sort all of that out. But I figured it would be a nice memento for you."

Kate tried her best not to burst into tears. Everything she'd felt for her best friend came back to her holding those papers in her hand. She missed him everyday, but she could feel his presence now. She gave a shaky sigh and put the papers in her bag that lay at her feet.

"Now, I think we need to start at the beginning and you can tell me first hand about what you feel like happened..."

LANCE BASS

MONTGOMERY HALL DORM

SEPTEMBER 7, 1997

We moved into the dorms two days ago. I already miss my family but I think I'm going to fit in well here at Carson. I'm the only one from my high school here, except for my friend Koren, who's in a girls dorm on the other side of campus. My roommate is Chris and he's older. He started college this year and he's 22. He says he wants the full college experience and that's why he didn't live in an apartment. I wonder how long that will last.

We start classes tomorrow and my schedule is pretty full. Chris asked me if I was going to join a fraternity but I'm not. I know my theater schedule is gonna keep me real busy. He's already flirting with Koren's roommate, Liv, and we've only been here 2 days. Koren has been harassing me all morning on AIM to find out if Chris is gonna ask Liv out. I wish girls knew that guys don't snoop like that. 

Last night, there was a party at a junior theater major's house for all theater students. I went, reluctantly, only because I knew I needed to get to know more than just Chris, Koren, and now Liv. That's when I met Kate. She was alone but it didn't seem to faze her. In a matter of five minutes, she'd gotten a plate of food, a drink, and was sitting on a couch between two guys who were shamelessly flirting with her. She looked uncomfortable, but seemed to know how to handle herself. 

A few hours later, I found myself standing next to her in line for the bathroom. She'd had two more drinks and was well on her way to tipsy, if not already there.

"I'm Kate." She said to me while she was crossing her legs and standing up. "And I really, really have to use the bathroom. Could I cut in front of you?" She batted her eyes at me and I chuckled. If she only knew this didn't work on me. 

"Lance. And yes." I moved so she could maneuver in front of me. 

She sighed and looked over the head of the guy in front of her. "Wish he'd let me cut, but I guess I can't be that picky."

"I think there's another bathroom upstairs." I had told her.

"Yeah, and two sophomores were going at it when I went up there." Kate shook her head. "Where are you from, Lance?"

"Mississippi. You?" I replied. 

She raised an eyebrow. "You came all the way from Mississippi to come to Carson?"

"I got a scholarship." I shrugged and continued, "And it's cheaper to go here out of state than it is to Tulane."

She let out a gasp. "You got into Tulane?!"

I had to laugh and immediately told her no, that I was just giving her an example of how much some private in state schools had cost. 

She just nodded her head. "I'm from Columbus. Just outside of Auburn. I auditioned for Auburn's theater program but was deferred. By the time I got their letter of acceptance, my dad had already put down the first payment for here." 

"Nervous for auditions this week?" I asked her. We have to audition this week for the entire season of theater. There are a total of seven shows and freshmen are required to be in at least three of them. From what I hear, not many freshmen make the cut and most of us will be working backstage. 

"Yes, definitely." Kate furrowed her brows. "My theater teacher in high school told me it was cutthroat in college and I'm just expecting to be in the bottom tier of the department for a while."

I was about to ask her what shows she'd done in high school, but the bathroom door opened and the guy in front of Kate let her go in front of him. She gratefully thanked him and then disappeared into the bathroom. 

The next time I saw Kate was today at lunch in the cafeteria. She was looking around for a place to sit and so I invited her to sit with me and Chris and Liv and Koren. She immediately clicked with the girls, who it turned out were in the same dorm hall as she was. It's already made the transition easier having new friends.

~~~~~~~

"Wow." It was all Kate could manage to get out. She looked back at Det. Sammons and wiped away a tear that had started to trickle down her cheek.

"I know this is hard, but I need you to read over these pages and let me know if anything comes to mind. Anything at all that you might have forgotten. Sometimes things like this can trigger forgotten memories." Det. Sammons stood and walked around to Kate, sitting next to her in the vacant chair. "You and your husband are mentioned a lot in these pages. I think it's only fair that you share it with him."

Kate nodded. "We're actually meeting our friends in two days at a beach house in Clearwater Beach. They're the ones Lance talked about. Koren and Liv and Chris. And I'm sure he mentioned Joey and Justin."

Sammons's expression didn't change, but Kate felt the air in the room shift somewhat. "Yes, all of them are talked about. You say you're meeting them all in two days?"

Kate nodded. "We do a vacation together in the same spot we've gone to since Lance died. It's kind of...well, it's kind of like a memorial to him."

"Even Justin?" Sammons asked.

"Yeah. He's coming a day late, but he'll be there." Kate answered and looked down at the papers in her hand. "So he talks about us a lot?"

Sammons didn't answer her. "Take the hard copies with you. Read over them. It might be best to read over them before you leave. I wouldn't mention this to anyone on that trip except your husband."

Kate wanted to ask more questions. She wanted to know what Stacy had said. She wanted to know about his family, how they were handling it all. She'd lost touch with Lance's family a few years back and now she desperately wanted to talk to them. But she knew this time was drawing to an end. She could tell Det. Sammons was all business and was ready to get on with the day's work. 

"Thank you." Kate stood up and shook Sammons' hand. "I appreciate this. So, what happens now?"

"We'll be in touch. We're still sorting through all of the hard drive evidence and a few other things. Don't take the hard copy with you on your trip. You need to keep this in a safe place." Sammons said in a firm, but kind tone. 

"I will." Kate nodded and went to the door. "Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you."

Julie nodded and watched as Kate walked out of the office. She picked up her phone and called a friend of hers who was on the police force in Clearwater. "Hey, Deonte, it's Jules. Do me a favor. I might need you to stake out a beach house on Clearwater Beach."