“He fought for her to stay in Pennsylvania. How romantic is that Josh? Isn’t it romantic?”

 “And totally unrealistic.”

“You are such a pessimist Joshua.”

“And you are such an unrealistically hopeless romantic, Andrea.”

 This was what it had come down to; after spending four hours lying on the couch, letting the television numb their minds, two college juniors had been reduced to debating the validity of a relationship like Corey and Topanga’s, and whether or not two cynical teenagers navigating life in the nineties could sustain such an unbreakable bond.

“Why are we even watching Boy Meets World?” Josh asked.

“Because you were supposed to get up, and put in the next movie an hour ago,” Andie replied, reminding him of the rotation.

“Why can’t you put it in?”

“Because I put in the last one. Now go,” Andie used her foot to nudge Josh off the couch. He finally moved to get up, and took the comforter with him.

“Hey, you didn’t have to take the blanket with you!”

“Yes I did your house if freakin’ cold, go turn the thermostat up.”

“It is up,” Andie replied, bringing her knees to her chest and pulling her arms into her cream cable knit sweater. “It’s not my fault that the house old.” 

“What do you wanna watch?”

“Hmmm…” Andie contemplated for a moment. She heard Josh huff in frustration at her notorious indecisiveness, and finally decided on a movie. “Okay, okay, put in Jingle All the Way.”

“Andie,” Josh glared.

“What?  You just made me sit through Trainspotting, and that’s not even a Christmas movie!”

“Just because it’s December that doesn’t mean it has to be a Christmas movie,” Josh argued.

“Okay, fine. Put in Empire Records, then.” 

Josh took the tape out of its case and slipped it into the VCR, and quickly reclaimed his spot on the couch at the opposite end of Andie.

“Josh what’s the date?” Andie asked, pulling the cover up over her knees.

“The tenth, why?”

“This was due back two days ago,” Andie said, nodding her head in the direction of the screen, as the previews started up.

“You know, I bet forty percent of your total income goes to Movie Gallery alone. And that’s just on late fees,” Josh joked.

“And I’m willing to bet you’re right,” Andie yawned, snuggling herself into her end of the couch. Josh yawned too, and stretched his legs out. Andie put her legs over his, and they shared the comforter between them. Once the heat kicked in, they were completely cozy, and didn’t even make it to the middle of the film before they were both out like a light.

*~*~*~*

“Okay you two get up!”

“Mom, what are you doing?” Andie cried, wincing from the shock of bright bulbs filling the dark room.

Lisa Scott stood looking down at her daughter; her mass of caramel brown hair splayed across the couch cushion and her glasses half off her face. Josh, who she affectionately referred to as ‘the son she never had’, was tucked into the other end of the couch, his dark hair slightly ruffled, and his crystal blue eyes hazy. They were in the exact same position that they had been in before she had left for work at eight o’clock that morning. She shook her head, and smiled. What was she going to do with these two overgrown babies? “You two have been laying on this couch entirely too long, get up,” she urged. Lisa snatched the comforter away, and watched as Andie and Josh drew up like slugs after an encounter with a salt shaker.

“Oh Miss Scott, c’mon…” Josh pleaded.

“It is five o’clock and the two of you haven’t moved an inch in the last nine hours.”

“Yes, we have. Movies just don’t magically pop themselves into the VCR,” Andie countered.

“This is ridiculous. I have more energy in my body at forty-six, than you two twenty-one year olds combined,” Lisa sighed, placing her hands on her hips.

“C’mon Miss Scott, don’t you have any sympathy for two over exhausted college kids?”  JC whined

“Yeah Mom, this semester totally kicked my ass. I think I deserve a break. We deserve a break,” Andie replied, motioning between herself and Josh.

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Oh please, when I was in college, I worked two jobs-“

“And did your volunteer service hours, and still had energy to spare…” Andie and Josh said in unison, mocking Miss Scott.

“Have you even eaten anything today?” Just like a mother to ask if they’ve eaten.

“Uh yeah, Mom. Let’s see; we had a box of Coco-Puffs for breakfast, a box of Dunkaroos for lunch, Bagel Bites dinner,” Andie started, ticking each item of the list one by one with her fingers*.

“Oh and don’t forget we had Ben and Jerry’s for dessert, and Doritos and Fruit Rollups somewhere in between there, with Pepsi and Hawaiian Punch to wash it all down. We have a pretty well balanced diet,” Josh finished, sharing Andie’s sarcastic smirk.

“Okay you two, get up, get out and get a life. No more lounging around, stretch your legs, get some air,” Lisa suggested.

“Hmmm, but Mommy it’s cold out…” Andie pouted.

“Wear a coat.”

“We are out of snacks,” Josh pointed out.

“And I do need to return Empire Records.”

“Movie Gallery,” the two said at the same time, and sat up to get off the couch. Josh headed towards the door, where his shoes were, because it was Miss Scott’s rule that all guest must take off their shoes by the door upon entering the house, as not to dirty up her ivory carpeting. Andie shuffled towards the closet by the stairwell to get her coat and put her boots on.

“I’ll drive,” Andie said, exchanging her house shoes for her dark blue Doc Martens. “Oh no, I forgot that I’m out of gas,” she sighed, smacking her forehead.

“Andie,” Lisa and JC said at the same time, both giving her the same dismayed look.

“What? When the semester ended, my basic need to function sort of did too,” Andie shrugged.

“Alright, we’ll take my car.”

“Good, your car has heat,” Andie exclaimed, slipping her coat on, and buttoning it up. She walked over to the VCR and hit eject to retrieve Empire Records, and put it back into its case.

“Andrea, you still haven’t gotten your heat fixed?” Lisa chided.

“Don’t worry Mom, Melissa’s brother knows a guy in Bethesda who can take care of it,” Andrea assured her mother all while making a mad dash towards the door as not to be badgered for anymore of her shortcomings. “C’mon Josh, let’s go!” As they headed out the door, Andie stopped and turned back towards her mother. “Don’t worry Mom, I’m much more competent during the school year, I promise,” she winked before closing the door behind her.

“So, my mom totally thinks that I don’t have my head on straight,” Andie stated while fastening her seatbelt. She leaned back in her seat, and allowed the heat from the vents to defrost her face. They were in Josh’s black 1982 Volvo 240, a gift that his parents had given to him on his sixteenth birthday. It had heat in the winter and air in the summer, a functioning fuel gauge, and ran pretty smoothly, which was all that mattered. He maintained his car well, and it had very few kinks for a fifteen year old car, which was more than Andie could say for hers.

“Oh, she knows you do, but you’re her only child, so all of her focus goes directly to you,” JC reasoned.

“What I wouldn’t kill for a brother right about now,” Andie sighed, resting her head against the window. She began to draw a small heart on the frosty glass, before wiping it away.

“You got one,” Josh beamed. Andie smiled and snuggled into her seat.

Once Josh had let the car heat up, they pulled out of the driveway, and slowly crept onto their sleepy street, as to avoid hydroplaning. It had just started to get dark out and the street lights had come on. The street was glistening as fresh now flakes began to touch down, and the block was illuminated with all of the Christmas lights that decorated each house. Not a single house on the block was left undone. Not even Lisa and Andie’s, who with the help of Josh and his dad had strung their window with white lights, and decorated the evergreen in their front light with multicolored lights and green and red garland.

Andie leaned forward to turn up the radio. Naked Eye by Luscious Jackson filled the speakers, and Andie rapped along to every word, while Josh bobbed his head. She loved this; riding in the car with Josh, and jamming out to the radio just like they used to. It felt right. Like high school.

The next song to come on was Every Time I Close My Eyes, and a huge smile crept onto Andie’s face as Josh began to sing along. The way his voice flowed so smoothly with Babyface’s really did something to her. Still facing him, she admired his profile. His strong chisled jaw, and strong nose, He had the face of a classic film star. He was gorgeous.

“What?” Josh asked turning to look at Andie, once they reached a red light. She had been staring at him intently for the whole song.

“Nothing,” Andie shook her head, and averted her eyes to look anywhere but in his. Across the street she eyed a Delia’s and a Starbucks. “It’s just, I always thought that you should have been a singer,” she said, finally turning back to him. She pushed her glasses up a little further onto the bridge of her nose, something she often did when she was nervous, which she prayed he didn’t catch. Then she felt it; that little dip in her chest that her heart took every so often when it was just the two of them, and none of their friends were around.

“Funny,” Josh smirked, taking his foot off of the break once the light turned green. He took a right on Preston and then turned onto Atwood. 

Andie sighed in relief that her momentary heart affliction and nervous tick seemed to go unnoticed. Kiss the Rain by Billie Myers followed a car commercial, and filled the casual silence. “Ugh, I hate this song,” Andie groaned, before leaning forward to change the station.

“What? But you love this song,” Josh exclaimed. “You played this song on repeat and requested it furiously on WIYY. You worship this song.”

“Not anymore,” Andie swallowed. “It reminds of Jared.” Jared. Often times referred to as That Guy; the asshole that completely ripped her heart out.

“Oh.” No explanation necessary. He knew how badly Jared had hurt her, and that she was still reeling from their break up, so he wouldn’t press the issue any further.

“Yeah, so I’m gonna just…” Andie leaned forward to change the station again. She landed on a station playing Christmas music and stopped. Wham!’s Last Christmas had just gone off, and Christmas Don’t Be Late  from Alvin and the Chipmunks had started to play. After babysitting for the Nicholson’s during Christmas break, four years ago, this song had become the bane of her existence. “Oh, for the love of God,” Andie sighed.

Josh let out a hearty laugh. “Nothing like a cheesy Christmas song to lighten up the mood, am I right?”

~*~*~*

“How many times can you watch Party Girl?” Josh asked Andie after she had picked up its case. They were now in Movie Gallery, browsing through new films to rent. Andie loved Movie Gallery like it was her second home. She loved the familiar smell that she always described to Josh as “carpet-y”, and the TV monitors that hung around the store previewing all the new releases. Josh knew that she’d been in a rut, and that nothing could cheer her up like a trip to Movie Gallery on a Wednesday night; like they had done when they were 13 and were too old for Chuck-E-Cheese, but too young to party.

“There’s never such a thing as too much,” Andie replied, as she skimmed through the comedy section. Josh was on one side of the video rack, and Andie was on the opposite side. “So tell me again, how you suddenly became editor of the school paper so late in the semester? You never ran that past me.”

“Rebecca Frazier went postal and pulled a Sylvia Plath.”

“She stuck her head in the oven?” Andie gasped.

Josh smirked at Andie’s horrified expression. “Not exactly, but she did OD on some max strength No-Doz or something, and it was more like a Jessie Spano, ‘I’m so excited’ episode if anything, so her parents had her pulled from school and placed her in an intuition.”

“Well that’s morbid.”

“The cautionary tale that Lifetime movies are made of. I can see Candace Cameron playing her,” Josh said and he and Andie shared a laugh.

Oh how Andie deeply missed this. Their verbal banter and their inside jokes. How she waited all year for winter break, just to have moments like this.

Before graduating high school, Josh and Andie had been inseparable. They’d been joined at the hip since kindergarten, after Josh’s adoption with the Chasez’s had been finalized. They’d done everything together from grade school to junior high to high school. They even went to the same overnight camp every summer where they eventually became counselors together.

College had been the only thing to separate them when Andie had chosen to go Boston University, where she was working toward her BA in Political Science, and Josh had decided to go to Rutgers University, where he working to earn his Masters of Science in Social Work. The separation had been a shock to them both at first; especially not being able to share new experiences with each other, but it was something that their friendship needed in order to survive. The time apart eventually got easier, especially with the use of AOL to get them through. As time went on and they started to meet new people and make new friends, they missed each other a little less every day. They even had separate summers for the first time. But Christmas was always theirs. Since starting college, Josh and Andie had made sure to spend every winter break together at least until graduation. They needed something to hold them together, and winter break was convenient since they’d live next door to each other their whole lives.

“Oh, how about Tommy Boy,” Josh suggested, holding up the case for Andie to see.

“That’s a must,” Andie replied, while continuing to walk down the aisle. “How about we get both Wayne’s Worlds and make it an SNL night?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Josh agreed, meeting Andie at the end of the aisle.

After grabbing Wayne’s World 1 and 2, Josh and Andie were scanning the snack shelves for more junk food to tarnish their insides. “Ya know, I should’ve been a film major,” Andie stated while carefully deliberating between the Milk Duds and Butterfinger BB’s, before eventually deciding on both.

“You’re not giving up on Political Science that easy are you?” Josh asked, perusing the popcorn options. “I thought you wanted to be a ‘political animal’, and become the next Janet Reno, only with ‘better hair’, and ‘Calvin Klein’ suits, as you so put it.”

“Yeah, that was before my Comparative Public Policy professor completely crushed my will to live. This last semester was a complete and total nightmare, and is making me question my choices in life; I just wanna bury myself under my covers forever without ever acknowledging that my real world problems exist.” Between getting the very first D in her college career in her Comparative Public Policy course (which was the hardest she’d ever worked), picking up extra shifts at the on campus pizza parlor to make rent and pay the part of her tuition that her partial scholarship did not cover, and trying to fulfill her duties as a junior class representative, she had burned the candle on both ends and was running on fumes.  She was underpaid, underfed, overworked, and felt like a failure. More than that, she missed being home with her mom and Josh, and just being a kid again. She hadn’t felt this home sick since the first semester of her freshman year.

“C’mon Andie, that’s what professors do. So, you get an asshole professor every now and then? The important thing is that you survived.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Andie huffed. “I think everything’s getting to me because it’s junior year, and I really wanna get into a good grad school, and now I’ll have to pull money out of my ass to take the class again this summer and-“

“Andie,’ Josh interjected. “Chill. You got one D in your whole entire life; it’s not the end of the world. Besides, the semester just ended, you don’t even have to think about this stuff right now. Let’s just continue to numb are minds with satirical comedy, and rot our insides with processed food.”

 Andie took a deep breath and smiled. He was good. He was so good. Good enough to make her stop and put things into perspective. Not even her mom could do that. Well, she could- and did- but it’s not like she listened. “Okay, enough about me how are things on your end, Genius?”

“Typical,” Josh replied nonchalantly, eyeing the candy section. He picked up a box of Jujubes and stuffed them under his arm with Tommy Boy and the Mike and Ikes. He was the epitome of cool. While Andie was constantly frazzled, frantic and perpetually awkward, Josh was even-keeled and always saw the glass half full, rather than half empty. Personality wise they were complete opposites, but somehow fit.

“You mean typical as in 4.0 and honors society, typical?” Josh was a genius, and Andie hated that he tried to downplay it. He was almost too humble.

“Typical, as in I’m staying afloat.”

“You mean excelling?”

“Okay, fine. If that’s what you wanna call it, then yes, I had another A semester,” Josh finally admitted.

“Good. I don’t expect anything less,” Andie replied picking out of a box of crispy M&M’s. “Okay, I think we’re good on the snack front.”

“Yeah, anymore candy and we won’t have teeth. Let’s get out of here,” Josh said, stuffing everything in one arm, and wrapping the other around Andie’s shoulder. 

After paying for their items, Josh and Andie headed back to Andie’s house to resume their movie marathon. Without doing much, Josh was everything that she needed him to be; a friend, confidant, and so much more. More than anything she needed to be back home for the holidays, and back with Josh. If only things could stay this way forever.

“So that cute little curly head kid named Justin try to make a pass at me again,” Andie commented as she flipped through the pages of the latest issue of George magazine. The two were in Josh’s parent’s living room wrapping his Christmas presents to everyone.

“You mean the Timberlake kid from across the street?” Josh asked. He was sitting cross legged on the couch, while taping up a present he had gotten for his mother; one of those ‘as seen on TV’ high-tech food processors that had every feature under the sun. She would freak!

“Yeah, he’s like sixteen, but weirdly has the hots for me. Creepy, but I told him I’d give him a kiss if he took out our trash.”

“You know I would’ve done that right? You shouldn’t have to prostitute yourself out to a minor to get your trash taken out.”

“I know, I know, but it was pretty early, and I didn’t want to wake you,” Andie explained. Closing the magazine, and tossing it aside, she rolled off of her stomach, and reached for the remote close to where Josh was sitting. She briefly flicked through the channels before stopping on MTV when she saw the video for Bon Jovi’s Please Come Home for Christmas.

“So you gave him a kiss?” Josh raised an eyebrow, and looked down at Andie, who was sitting on the floor with her back to the couch.

“Hershey’s,” she smirked, and looked back up at Josh to see him laughing. “You should have seen his face; it was a mix of contempt and complete and utter embarrassment. It was cute.”

“Poor kid. Was it at least a big one?”

“Nope, and I got it complimentary at the bank yesterday and it had been in my coat pocket since then, so it was a little melted,” Andie shrugged. “But, whatever the weather should’ve hardened it.”

Josh snickered. “Classic.”

Lazily, Andie lay back down and continued to channel surf.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be helping me wrap.” Josh lightly kicked Andie’s foot, and she quickly withdrew it.

Andie huffed, and sat up. She placed the remote on the coffee table, and joined Josh on the couch, sitting cross legged. “Alright, hand me the tape.” He passed her the tape as well as a roll of red wrapping paper covered in mini Christmas trees. “So what do you want me wrap?”

“You can start by wrapping this,” Josh said, handing over a hardcover book.

Andie flipped it over to see the cover; it was That Summer by Sarah Dessen. “Is this for Heather?” 

“Mmmhmm.”

“Oh, she’ll love this, it’s so good.” Andie picked up a pair of craft scissors off the table and began cutting a sheet of wrapping paper. As they got so into wrapping, a comfortable silence fell over them. While her hands were busy wrapping up boxes of sweaters and household appliances, Andie’s mind began to wander. She was still in the Chasez home, and the walls were still the same floral white that they had always been and the house had the familiar smell of vanilla and cinnamon. The crown molding was still the same, the wall sconces still perfectly in place, and the mantle was still lined with childhood photos of Josh and his younger sister and brother, Tyler and Heather. And as per tradition, the kid’s stockings hung from the mantle, dangling just over the fireplace where the flames lightly crackled as the wood burned down. Josh and Andie had shared many memories in this house. Many laughs were shared, many tears were shed, and many rounds of hide and go seek were played all throughout this very house.

“I betcha can’t find me, Andie...” She could hear his voice crystal clear, he was so close. She would catch him this time, and he wouldn’t out run her. He’d be it this time.

“I’m coming for you Joshua!” Six year old Andie turned off the wall, where she’d been counting with her eyes closed. She shuffled her feet as quickly as she could over to the couch, and crouched down to look underneath; he was just small enough to fit, but not clever enough to outsmart her. Andie swept her hand through the small space but felt nothing but air where she was expecting to feel a warm body. She crouched down further to look underneath the couch, but couldn’t make anything out of the darkness. She breathed in dust, and let out a sneeze. With the split second that it took her to wipe her nose on her sleeve and rub her eyes, little Joshua came flying from behind the curtains and raced back to the wall to touch base.

“Not it!”

Andie turned around to see Josh proudly posted on the wall, his toothless grin taunting her. “No fair, Josh,” she coughed, running up to him. “You never get it!” Andie could feel her chest tighten as she began to wheeze. She started coughing again, and she struggled to get her breath, she placed her hands on her knees.

“Uh-oh Andie,” Josh gasped. “You need your ‘haler?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Andie puffed.

“C’mon.” Josh grabbed Andie’s hand and walked her to the foyer where the coat rack was. He reached on his tip toes to knock her backpack off of its hook. He unzipped the front flap of her backpack where her mother always packed her inhaler for emergency use. “Here you go.” He promptly handed over her inhaler, and she puffed twice, inhaling and exhaling, letting the albuterol fill her lungs. “Feel better?”

“Yes,” Andie breathed. “Thanks, Josh.” Andie smiled, matching Josh’s toothless grin, and put her inhaler back in her backpack.

Josh pulled Andie by her hand, and started up the stairs. “C’mon Andie, let’s go to my room. We can play with my Legos.”

“Andie. Andie!”

Andie blinked her eyes rapidly for a few moments, snapping back into the present. She was still on the couch next to Josh, with a wrapped gift in her lap.

“Hello, earth to Andrea,” Josh called, waving his hand in front of her face. “You finished with that?” He asked, pointing to the gift wrapped box in her lap.

“Huh? Oh yeah, here.” She handed the box to him as she tried to clear her mind.

“You okay?”

“What?”

“I said, ‘are you okay?’” Josh watched Andie carefully. Her eyes were glazed over, and she looked a little hazy and disoriented. “Have you eaten anything? Andie, you know you’re hypoglycemic and-“

“No, no I’m fine. I promise,” Andie said, assuring him, hoping that she came off believable.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, totally,” Andie replied, playing everything off. “Give me another gift to wrap.”

“We’re done.”

“Already? I didn’t even get to wrap my present,” Andie smiled slyly, trying to pry any information she could out of him. Every year she and Josh exchanged their gifts in his room on Christmas day. It was a tradition they started in sixth grade, and never once have they done it any differently. She always tried to get Josh to tell her what he got her for Christmas early, but to no avail. He was a master at keeping secrets.

“You’re not gonna get it out of me that easy, Andie. You never do,” Josh replied. He got up from the couch and started to carefully walk the presents over to the tree, one by one.

“You should know me well enough by now to know that I don’t give up so easily, Josh.”

“And you should know me well enough by now to know that you’re not getting anything out of me until December 25,” Josh quipped. He bent down to the turn the tree lights on, and the room was illuminated in a sea of multicolored LED lights. The tree shone brightly, and the angel stood at the very top, erected proudly. Each branch was decorated with personalized ornaments collected throughout the years, including one that had a picture of Andie and Josh together that they had taken at their high school’s winter carnival in ’93. Andie had taken the picture and had it put on an ornament and gifted it to him that year, and it’s had a permanent place on the tree ever since.

“I know, but it is fun trying.” Andie unfolded her legs, and stretched them out in front of her. Her mind fell back to that memory of them at six years old, and then at eight, and then ten. Even as kids, he knew how to take care of her. “Hey, Josh.”

“Hmmm?” Josh was carefully situating the presents underneath the tree, trying to fit them all underneath, while making sure not to break anything fragile.

“Remember when we were little, and how we always used to run around and if I ever got out of breath you always knew what to do?” Andie asked. “How you always knew exactly where my mom would put my inhaler, and when I needed it?” Andie watched Josh, waiting for his response. A look crossed his face, one she couldn’t read.

“Yeah,” he finally said, placing the last gift under the tree. “God you haven’t used that thing since we were like what? Thirteen?” Josh stood up straight, and walked back over to the couch sitting next to Andie. He picked up the remote control and began channel surfing.

“Yeah, at Camp Meadowbrook,” Andie said, staring intently at the television screen. Beavis and Butthead were talking, but all she could see were memories of them in different stages of their lives.

“We were all hiking, and you couldn’t climb any higher,” Josh remembered.

“I started wheezing, and you reached into my backpack for my inhaler.”

“Wow.” A small smile lit up Josh’s face. “That seems like forever ago.”

“It does,” Andie agreed. How she wished she could take back forever ago and relive every moment.

“What made you think of that?” He asked, turning to face her.

“I don’t know, I just…” She didn’t want to get emotional and put a damper on their time together. She just wanted to enjoy these few weeks with her best friend, but the past kept haunting her. “I guess I just let my mind wander is all,” she finally said. Another moment passed before Andie spoke again. “Josh, what’s going to happen to us?” She let the question slip from her mouth before she even realized what she was saying.

“What?”

“What’s going to happen to us?” She asked again, this time turning to look him in the eye. “We were just thirteen and at sleep away camp, and now, we’re juniors in college. We’ll be seniors next year. What happens when we stop coming home? What will we have then?”

Josh intensely stared at Andie. The two of them going their separate ways was a possibility that they had to face eventually, but one he wasn’t ready to face now. They’d spent their whole lives together. Andie was his best friend, the one he went to for everything. She was the only one of his friends who knew everything there was to know about him; His feelings about his adoption, his desire to reconnect with his birthmother, the anger he felt towards his biological father, and how his adoption influenced his decision to become a social worker. He shared things with her that he never shared with anybody, sometimes not even his parents. He wasn’t ready for them to grow apart, but it was already starting to happen. “We’ll do what we always do,” he said finally. “We find a way.”

“How?” Andie asked, her voice coming out thin and ragged. She willed herself not to cry. 

“We keep writing and emailing each other. We make time for each other. We’ll trade off on visits. I’ll come visit you in Boston, and you’ll come see me in Camden. We’ll figure this out,” Josh assured Andie while also trying to assure himself. “We’ll make this work. I promise.”

Andie wanted to believe that what he was saying was true. That they wouldn’t grow apart and that life wouldn’t pull them away from each other; but life happens and people and circumstances change all the time. She was afraid of what the future held for their relationship, but she didn’t want to go down without a fight. “Okay,” Andie nodded and allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. She just had to have faith that things would work out for them. “We’ll make it work.”

“Don’t worry, Andie. I know things may be getting crazier as we get older, but we’ll be okay.” Josh wrapped his arm around Andie and they fell against the back of the couch. He wrapped his other arm around her, and pulled her close. “Besides, didn’t we have this same conversation right before we graduated high school?”

“Yeah we did, didn’t we?”

“Mmmhmm, and we survived, right?”

“I suppose you’re right, Josh” Andie sat up, and untangled herself from Josh’s arms. “I’m sure I’m worried over nothing. You know how I let my anxiety get the best of me.”

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” Andie reached around the side of the couch to grab her Docs. “I should get going,” she said as she slipped on her boots and laced them up.

“Sure you don’t wanna stay a little while longer? We can always have another movie marathon if you need to,” Josh suggested.

“Thanks, but I’ll have to pass this time. Only ten days left ‘til Christmas, and I have absolutely nothing done.” Andie sat an extra roll of wrapping paper on the coffee table, and made sure her spot on the couch was clear before she got up. “Besides, there’s a new Ally McBeal on tonight,” Andie said, standing up. She started for the door and Josh followed behind.

“And we all know what happens when you miss an episode of Ally McBeal,” Josh teased.

“Yes, the world would implode and such,” she joked. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Andie grabbed her coat from the coat rack, and slipped it on. She zipped her coat up, and opened the front door.

“As always,” Josh replied. “Call me later?”

“Sure.” Andie started out the door, but turned back to Josh one last time. “Thanks again, Josh. For everything.”

Josh gave Andie a smile and they stepped onto the front porch together. Even though they lived next door to each other, he always liked to see that she made it in safely. He pulled her close, and gave her one last hug. “No problem Andie. That’s what I’m here for.”

~*~*~*~*

Andie was shaking. After that moment at Josh’s her nerves had gone into complete overdrive and she couldn’t unlock her door fast enough. Once she was inside, she pressed her back against the door and willed her heart rate to slow down. Deep breaths Andie, she breathed as she silently willed herself to calm down. Inhale, exhale, in and out. The whole time she was sitting next to him her heart kept doing that thing, that dip, and she couldn’t make it stop. Why did he always did this to her? None of her boyfriends had ever made her feel this way. She was so confused about everything and she wished that her mom were home to vent to.

“Calm down Andie, it’s just Josh.” Great, now she was talking to herself. Shaking her head, and trying to clear her thoughts, Andie made her way through the house, turning on each light in every room she entered on the bottom floor. The first thing she did upon entering the living room was light up the gas fireplace. The fireplace had been a source of many memories for Andie. When she and Josh were kids, they used to sit in front of the fireplace to unthaw after one of their snowball fights, and Andie’s mom would bring them hot chocolate with marshmallows. Sure it was Swiss Miss, but Andie was always convinced that her mom made the best hot chocolate in the world.

 After lighting the fireplace, Andie turned the Christmas tree on in the living room, and watched it light up and flicker back at her. She stepped back to look at the tree. This was the first time since the tree had been put up that Andie had actually taken the time to admire it. It was the same store-bought tree that Andie and her mom had found for half price on Black Friday at K-Mart when she was twelve. Andie smiled. She missed shopping with her mom, and she missed those blue light specials.

The tree was in pretty great condition considering that it was nine years old, with very minimal wear and tear. It had been decorated in purple and silver ornaments, with purple ribbon with silver trim. It was strung with white and gold lights, and was topped with a silver, sparkling star. Josh had helped Andie and Lisa set the tree up on their second day home from school. Unlike her life, the tree was perfect, not a branch out of place.

Next, Andie walked over to the closet by the stairwell to hang up her coat and take off her shoes. As she was going through the motions, she made a mental note of all she had to do; finish making Josh’s gift, bake cookies for the Christmas Charity at the Methodist church down the street, and call Melissa to see if her brother could still get her car fixed. The last two could be put off until tomorrow, but if she wanted to have Josh’s gift done by Christmas day, then she needed to get back to it tonight. She was already behind, and she wanted it to be perfect.

Upstairs in her room, Andie reached into the back of her closet and pulled out everything that she needed to finish making Josh’s present; construction paper, glue, markers, ribbon, fabric, and her old photo album. She didn’t know how this would work, but once she got the idea back in October, she kind of just ran with it.

It was just before Halloween, and Andie had started getting homesick again, as per usual around that time of year. They were almost at the half way point of the semester, where she was still excited to be back at school, but with the holidays looming, she craved the feeling of being back in her old room and hanging out with her old friends, and drinking coffee in the mornings with her mother. She thought that by junior year that feeling would go away, but nevertheless that old feeling was back, and with a vengeance. So one night while feeling down in the dumps, and declining an offer to go tailgating with her roommates Lindsay and Missy, she decided to break out her photo album, the one that she had been building since fourth grade. It was there alone in her apartment, feeling down in the dumps, that she had gotten the crazy idea to create a scrapbook of herself and Josh. She added a little here, and a little there, and the project began to grow. After a while she thought it would make the perfect gift for Josh on Christmas. It was a little different than her usual store bought gifts, but it was heartfelt and unique, and she hoped that he would like it.

Sitting on her bedroom floor, Andie had all of her art supplies spread out in front of her. She pulled the unfinished scrapbook out from the cardboard box under her bed, and got to work. Adie opened up her photo album, and began flipping through what pictures she had left. After using so many in the scrapbook, there were still dozens of pictures left. Some of the two of them together, and some of just Josh. Some of those pictures planned, and some completely candid. She was on their teen years; freshman year at Bowie High, when Josh had done a short stint as an alternate running back on the JV football team. Josh looked so cute posing in his blue and white football uniform. Andie hated sports, but she, along with her best girlfriend, Jennifer were always there to cheer him on. Josh was tall, lanky and non-athletic. He never made it off the bench, but she never missed a game. She had faith in him.

Andie pulled the football picture from the clear sleeve of the photo album and flipped it over. She untwisted the cap from her glue stick and glued the photo onto the center of the empty page. She wrote Go Bulldogs!!!!  across the top of the page in blue marker, and decorated the page in gold ribbon, and drew megaphones and pompoms in the corners. Andie waited a few minutes for the glue to dry, and flipped the page to start on the next one.

Over the next few hours, Andie lost herself in her scrapbooking, and she began to reflect on Josh and their friendship. Each picture triggering certain memories; the two of them at fourteen eating ice cream at Baskin-Robbins after Andie had gotten her braces put on, and then the two of them eating popcorn two years later, when she had them taken off. Josh was her constant. He was always there.

No matter the circumstance, Andie always knew that she could count on Josh to be there, no matter how big or small. Being that there was no man in that house, Andie and Lisa could always count on Josh to clean the rain gutters out in the spring, or help assemble new furniture around the house, as both Lisa and Andie were useless when it came to using tools. He was there to witness her fall in love for the first time, and he was there for her when she experienced her first heartbreak. He comforted her over the phone when she had broken up with her last boyfriend, Jared, listening to her cry for hours and hours without once complaining.

Unlike other guys, Josh paid attention to detail; he knew how much she loved to cook, so every time his family went on vacation, he’d bring her back a cookbook from wherever they visited. And he always ate whatever she cooked, no matter how foreign and exotic; partly because he was her friend, and partly because he was never not hungry.

He knew how much she loved music, so inside every birthday card, he’d print the lyrics to one of her favorite songs, and stick a pair concert tickets inside. Andie flipped through the photo album and landed on a picture of them together four years earlier at the Aerosmith concert. She was so excited when the band had announced the dates for their Get a Grip tour and was disappointed to find out that they wouldn’t be stopping in Maryland, so Josh had decided to buy her tickets to their show at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. They made a road trip out of it, and had a blast. It was one of her favorite memories.

Josh also knew how much Andie hated surprises, so when he did simultaneously spring something on her, he knew to make it good; like last spring break, when he surprised her with tickets to go see Chicago  on Broadway at the Ambassador Theater. Another favorite memory.

Josh seemed to know Andie from the inside out. She told him things that she hadn’t even told her mother. Like how she was angry with her father for abandoning them when she was a year old, or how she was afraid to leave her mother behind. He knew all of her deepest secrets and fears. He knew what made her happy, and what made her tick. He knew what her favorite movie was (Running on Empty), and sometimes suffered through reruns of her favorite show with her (Blossom). And he knew the quickest way to cheer her up was to play anything by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He knew how much she loved reading contemporary young adult fiction, and how she was afraid of the dark. He knew that if she wasn’t allergic to everything under the sun, that she would buy a golden retriever and name it Bambi, and he knew how she got the scar just below her left knee; falling off the monkey bars at school in third grade. He was the one trying to catch her.

While Josh knew all of these things, he didn’t know the one thing that Andie held dear to her. A secret she’d kept buried so deep down that for a while she’d believed she had repressed completely. She didn’t want to believe it, but her heart was rebelling against her, and it was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. She was in love with Josh.

She couldn’t fight it anymore, and she stopped trying to deny it. That stupid heart dip, and the butterflies, the hairs standing up on the back of her neck whenever he put his arm around her, and the goose bumps. Andie was experiencing all of the clichés that happened to a girl when she fell in love. She hated it. Why? Why did it have to be Josh, her best friend? Ugh. She was sick every time she thought about it.

Andie’s biggest fear was that her relationship with Josh was changing- and it was- but in more ways than one. The distance they could weather, but what would happen if she told him how she felt? She didn’t even want to think about it. She wasn’t ready to face the serious ramifications that confessing your love for your best friend would undoubtedly bring. Their relationship was already fragile as it was. They’d fall to pieces. No. This whole thing would pass. She was sure of it. All she had to do was keep her mind occupied with anything other than how she felt for Josh. School would be starting back in less than a month, and once again they’d go their separate ways and she could focus on what mattered; getting better grades, and applying for summer internships. All she had to do was get through the holidays and then she could go back to her life in Boston and leave her feelings for Josh where they belonged, in memories. In Maryland.

By the time Andie was finished with the scrapbook she was feeling much better. She had convinced herself that the only reason she was developing feelings for Josh was because she was homesick and with it being Christmas she was nostalgic for the way things used to be. With all that was going on with school, and everything happening so fast, she was grieving her childhood. By the end of the night, she had chalked her feelings up to a momentary meltdown over not knowing the fate of her future and being afraid of growing up. That’s all it was, she was sure. No matter what happened, she and Josh would be fine. They always had been, and they always would be.

It was Christmas morning and Andie was nervously pacing the bedroom floor. Over the past week she’d been wrestling with her feelings about Josh. Every time she thought that she had them under control, they just kept rising back up to the surface. She didn’t get an ounce of sleep last night; she spent all night tossing and turning weighing her options. She could get everything off of her chest and tell Josh how she felt. It’d stop the incessant worrying and heart flutters. But then what? Would Josh reciprocate, or would it make things awkward between them and become the catalyst that would slowly but surely deteriorate their friendship. She could keep trying to suppress her feelings, but then she’d have to keep dealing with the butterflies, heart dips, jealousy at all future girlfriends, and perpetual regret.

Her heart hurt. And her stomach. The smell of her mother’s maple bacon pancakes came wafting through her room. The whole house smelled like cinnamon, and warmth, and Christmas-y goodness but she couldn’t even enjoy it. Suppressed feelings seem to have side effects of nausea and indigestion.

In an attempt to calm her nerves, Andie checked her outfit again. Standing in front of the full length mirror, Andie gave herself a once over. Her hair had been pulled up into a high ponytail and she wore a hunter green cable knit turtleneck sweater dress. She had on plain white tights, and a red bow hair band. “Ugh, I look like an elf,” she groaned and whipped off her hair band, and began pulling out her ponytail. This outfit wouldn’t work. Andie went back into her closet to construct another look.

The next outfit was a simple white long sleeved shirt and jeans paired with a chestnut brown button down sweater. “I look like a tree,” she frowned, taking this off too.

Andie spent the morning going through at least three more options before she finally settled on one she liked; a red turtleneck sweater paired with a red and green pleated tartan skirt that hit just above the knee with white tights. “Well, this isn’t so bad.” Andie spun lowly, inspecting herself in the mirror from every angle. She left her hair down, and it fell past her shoulders and around her face. The glasses she wore, coupled with the skirt made her look like a Catholic schoolgirl, but she hated wearing contacts, so there wasn’t much she could do about it. She layered a pair of thick knee socks over her tights and rolled them down to her ankles for extra warmth, and laced up a pair of black Doc Martens.

Andie walked back to the mirror, giving herself one final check. She examined her fair skin to make sure that it didn’t turn blotchy the way it usually did when she got nervous. So far, her skin wasn’t giving her away, and she prayed that it stayed that way when she got to Josh’s. Despite having a restless night, Andie’s brown eyes weren’t bloodshot and she was grateful for that. All in all she looked… okay. A little like Lisa Loeb, but okay.

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, Andie turned away from the mirror, and grabbed the gift wrapped box on her nightstand that contained Josh’s gift. She’d placed the scrapbook in an old hat box and wrapped it in green wrapping paper decorated with mini reindeer, and topped it with a red bow. She hoped he liked it. She hoped it would mean as much to him as it did to her. Andie checked the time on her watch, and saw that it was just past eleven thirty. She’d better quit stalling. She wanted to be back to help her mother cook, before her grandparents arrived.

“You can do this,” Andie whispered, giving herself a final confidence boost as she made her way down the stairs. When she got to the bottom of the landing, she placed Josh’s gift on the table where they kept one of the telephones, and got her coat from the closet. “Hey Mom, I’m gonna go give Josh his gift, and I’ll be right back,” she called, heading for the door.

“Alright honey, just try and be back before Grandma and Grandpa get here.”

“Sure thing, Mom.”  Shutting the door behind her, Andie traipsed across the snow covered lawn, to the Chasez home. She knocked on the door twice, before being greeted by Josh’s mom.

“Andie, hello! Merry Christmas, it’s so wonderful to see you.” Karen welcomed Andie into her home as she always did, with open arms. Literally.

“Hi, Ms. Karen, Merry Christmas!” Andie gushed, stepping into the house and embracing Karen in a hug. Entering the Chasez home was like stepping into a hug itself. The familiarity and the warmth hit her hard. It smelled like Karen’s homemade cinnamon rolls that she made every Christmas, and Bing Crosby was playing. Josh and his family were her constant.   

“How’s Lisa doing?” Karen asked, taking Andie’s coat and placing it on the coat rack.

“She’s great, thanks. Is Josh upstairs?”

“In his room,” Karen replied, motioning to the stairs. “Go on up, honey.”

“Thanks.” As Andie made her way to the stairs, she passed by the living room to say hello to Josh’s father, Roy, and his younger sister and brother Heather and Tyler. They all sweetly greeted her, and wished her a Merry Christmas.

Making her way up the stairs, Andie could feel her heart beating with every step she took. As she passed each picture on the wall in the upstairs hallway, her mind was flooded with a rush of childhood memories.  When Andie reached Josh’s door she paused before knocking. Feeling like a big ball of nerves, Andie tried her best to steady herself. Everything will be fine, she thought. “Can I come in?” Andie tapped lightly on the door, opening it an inch to see Josh laid back on his bed, staring at the television screen.

“Oh, hey Andie!” Josh’s face lit up when he noticed his friend standing in the door way. “C’mon on in.”

Andie stepped into his room, green box in hand. She sat down on his bed, and he sat up next to her. Ugh, the hairs on the back of her neck had stood straight up, and she felt her stomach swirling. These feelings were getting annoying. Starting to feel panicky, she looked everywhere but at Josh. She eyed his powder blue walls, the basketball hoop on his closer door, the stereo system on his left wall, then the entertainment center that held his television and VCR, and then finally to Josh. His crystal blue eyes shining back at her practically melted her into a pool of goo. His hair was wet and slicked back and smelled like that shampoo that she loved on him. She could smell the Calvin Klein Eternity cologne that she had gotten him for his birthday. He looked positively dapper in his black turtleneck and khaki pants. He was James Dean meets JFK Jr., and Andie fell to pieces at the sight of him. “Merry Christmas,” she managed to get out without her voice sounding ragged. 

“Merry Christmas, Andie. You ready?” He asked, pointing towards her gift.

“Uh yeah, you go first.” Andie was way too nervous to start the exchange this year.

“Okay.” Josh reached behind Andie, and pulled a small rectangular box from under his pillow. It was wrapped in shimmery blue paper and tied with a white bow. He leaned back up, and handed it to her. “Here you go.”

Andie sat Josh’s present on the bed between them, and took hers from Josh. She slowly unraveled the white ribbon. She could tell that he had wrapped the box with care instead of sticking on one of those pre-made bows. The wrapping was so pretty that she almost didn’t want to unwrap it. Almost. When she had gotten all of the wrapping paper off, she was left holding a black velvet box. Slowly she opened it, to see the most beautiful silver charm bracelet staring back at her. “Josh,” she gasped. “It’s beautiful.” She took the bracelet out of the box, and delicately held it up, marveling at its beauty. Each charm sparkled and danced under the light. It was incredible.

“Each charm represents a symbolic moment in our relationship,” Josh said. Andie looked back at him, almost breathless. “Uh, the ice cream charm, for when you got your braces,” he explained, pointing to the first charm on the bracelet. “And the popcorn charm for when you got them taken off.” Josh made his way down the bracelet, explaining what each charm meant to Andie. “The car represents the road trip we took to see Aerosmith, the snowflake, for our epic snowball fights. The New York charm is for when we went to Chicago on Broadway, and the Santa stocking represents us; how no matter what happens, and where life takes us, we’ll always have Christmas to bring us back together.”

Andie stared back at Josh speechless. She didn’t know what to say. This was the most thoughtful gift that she had ever gotten. She could feel the tears begin to well up as her emotions went into overload.

“And the key,” Josh pointed to the last charm on the chain, a heart attached to a key, ”is because you hold the key to my heart.”

Andie could feel her heart stop. All of the oxygen had been sucked from the room, and she was left breathless. Did he just say what she thought he said? She prayed that her heart was not playing tricks on her. She wanted to speak, but all that came out of her mouth was senseless stuttering, “Josh, I-I-I…I don’t… umm… I-“

“We’ve been friends, for a really long time Andie, so I understand if you don’t feel the same, but…” Josh was rambling. Never before had he felt so vulnerable and exposed, not even in front of Andie. Putting his heart on the line was not something that he did very often, so giving Andie this bracelet was a big risk, and truth be told, he’d be crushed if she didn’t like it.

“No, Josh, I love it,” Andie interjected, a single tear falling from her eye. Josh removed her glasses, wiped it away. “Can you put it on me please?” Josh reached for Andie’s right hand, and she was shaking uncontrollably, but she didn’t care anymore. After Josh had clasped the bracelet onto her risk, Andie took a moment to admire it. It looked good on her. She didn’t plan on ever taking it off.

“Josh I want you to open your gift, now.” Andie handed the box to Josh, and he lifted the lid and placed it next to him on the bed. He took the scrapbook out and stared at the cover.

“The Story of Us,” he read aloud, his fingers falling over the gold lettering in the center of the light blue cover.

“It’s a scrapbook,” Andie said. “I filled it with pictures of us at various stages in our lives; the symbolic moments of relationship beginning at age five.”

Andie watched as Josh flipped through the scrapbook, trying to a gauge a reaction from him. He was smiling, that was a good sign. She waited anxiously on pins and needles for him to say something.

As Josh flipped through the pages of the scrapbook, every picture brought back a flood of memories. There was a picture of him propped up on his couch, after he had broken his leg in a soccer game with friends on the Fourth of July three years prior. Andie had had stayed with him in the emergency room, and even spent the night. She’s never left his side. He smiled to himself thinking about how she had worked tirelessly to keep him comfortable, even after the all the medication had made him grumpy and a horror to be around. She was always there. “Andie, this is incredible.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it,” Andie admitted.

“Are you kidding I love it!”

“I’m glad, because it’s more than a book of photos. This represents everything. Josh, every important moment of my life, you’ve always been there. And I want you to be there for every important moment for years to come. You know me from the inside out, and sometimes that’s a scary feeling, but mostly it’s comforting, because I know that you’re the person that I can always come back to. You’re my constant, Josh. You make sense, when everything else in my life falls to pieces,” Andie paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. For the first time since she’d been home, she felt calm; her heart had slowed down to a normal pace and her stomach finally stopped swirling. She was at peace. “What I’m trying to say Josh, is that I love you. No, I’ve always loved you, but now I’m in love with you. I have fallen so deep that there’s no turning back now, and I don’t think I could go back, even if I wanted to. You’re the one, and that’s how it’s always going to be.”

In that moment it was as if time had stood still. Seconds felt like hours as Andie waited for a response. Nothing. She started to speak again, but before she could say anything, Josh kissed her, hard. As their lips crashed together, and their tongues danced in a passionate battle, Andie felt it all start back up again and in full force; the heart dip, the butterflies, the hairs on the back of her neck, but this time the feeling was amplified, and she gladly welcomed it. The most amazing sensation fell over her, and she felt like she was on fire. It was as if she could feel every nerve in her body. She felt all the clichés’; the fireworks, the stars and the whole lot. As her body went soft, Josh pulled her close, but he felt like no matter how close he got to her, it just wasn’t close enough. He needed her. He loved her.

“Josh,” Andie gasped, finally pulling her mouth from his, even though she didn’t want to. For the second time that morning, he’d left her breathless. Tears streamed down her face, but she hadn’t even realized that she was crying until Josh was wiping her tears away.

“Don’t cry, Andie. I love you.”  And just like that, everything had fallen into place; every hope and every dream.

“You don’t know how long, I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” Andie confessed.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to say it,” Josh replied. He grabbed Andie’s hand, and interlaced his fingers with hers. “It’s you Andie. It always has been.”

Andie stared at him glossy, eyed willing the tears not to fall again, but she couldn’t help it. This moment was more than she could have ever imagined, and it was real. She was on cloud nine. Andie leaned in closer to Josh, and their foreheads were touching. Josh used his free arm to pull Andie closer, and began to gently rub the small of her back. They didn’t need words, just each other. This was what she wanted so desperately; to be close with him in a way that she had never been before. She was in Heaven. Andie looked up at Josh, and his eyes met hers. “Merry Christmas, Josh,” she whispered.

“Merry Christmas, Andie.”