She clutched her head, looking down at the floor, as tears streamed down her face, rapidly.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” She rasped, biting her lower lip, “Fuck!” She threw the papers away, and out of her lap, getting up, and walking upstairs, as she wiped at her face, sniffling, and more tears formed, and when she reached the door of the room she wanted to be, she tried, helplessly, to rid her face of any emotion, any tears, and when she felt she had, she turned the knob, gently, and walked in, closing the door after her, leaning her back against it.
She took a deep breath, and walked towards the two cribs that sat in the middle of the room. She peered and saw both of them asleep. Her heart seemed to throttle, and squeeze, painfully, as she gazed at their faces, innocent, not a care in the world, soundly asleep.
She’d be damned if she’d let him take the only two human beings she had left away from her – he was fucking crazy was what he was. Out of his fucking mind.
She swallowed, and licked her lips, her mind working, quickly.
Crazy – you are fucking crazy.
Four Days Later…
“Hello?” She asked, picking up the phone. Silence greeted her, and her eyebrows furrowed. “Hello…?” She asked, again, and this time, a small sigh passed over the speaker, and she listened, intently.
“It’s me,” the voice on the other end answered.
Her breath caught in her throat, and the lump that had stayed with her, since receiving those papers, came back, and she wanted to cry, but she didn’t.
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to ask if you got the papers—”
“I got them,” she snapped, “Josh, if you think that I’ll let them go without a damn fight, you are seriously fucking losing your mind,” she hissed, aware of the “little ears” in the other room.
He snorted in response, “Who said anything about you letting them go? You do realize that I’m giving you the opportunity to—”
“Goddamnit, Chasez,” she sighed, “I don’t need opportunities to see my fucking twins.” A solitary tear ran down her cheek, “Why are you doing this? What do you want?”
“I want the twins; they’re my kids—!”
“Mine, too! If you didn’t realize, I carried them for the first nine months of their existence ever. Don’t do this,” she immediately let out, after. “Please don’t do this.”
“Everything was settled, remember? When you kicked me out of the house?” He rasped back, “Remember throwing my shit outside, in front of the entire fucking neighborhood? Remember locking me away from our children for two weeks, before I got the authorities to push you to let me see our kids? Don’t you remember all that? I was fucking miserable, while you had the twins—”
“And I wasn’t?” She countered back, meekly, “You don’t think you hurt me when I found out about you, and that girl?” She was sobbing, now, and she didn’t care. She’d grab his feet, and beg him, if she had to, in order to keep her children. “You don’t think I constantly questioned myself as to what I did wrong to push you to go and cheat? You truly believe I was happy doing what I had to do? I– I told you, babe,” she whimpered, “I told you, a long time ago, that I wasn’t going to tolerate anything like this, but you went and fucked her, behind my back – you went and had sex with her, knowing you had a wife, and two beautiful kids at home. How can you live with yourself?”
“I can’t.” He replied back, making sure his voice didn’t falter. “I want them because they’re all I have left of you. I know it was stupid – don’t tell me because I know. And I’m terribly sorry, but I also know that apologizing to you is not going to help me win you back, baby.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, tightly, tears running down, as her teeth bit down on her lip, trying not to make sounds as she cried.
“I don’t want you to be alone, honey, but I don’t want to be without the kids, either.”
“You should have thought about all this when you went and ruined everything, Josh.” She said, trying to keep her voice steady, “I can’t even stand to talk to you.”
“I know.”
She took a deep breath, “Josh…” She tried to think of what to say, but words failed her, and she bit her lip, as both of them listened to each other breath. She opened her mouth, again, and tried, “You’ve got your parents, you have your brother, and your sister, and you have all these friends, and you’ll probably go on with life, and meet someone new, and all—”
“But I don’t want anyone other than you—”
She ignored him, “—but I won’t. You know how abusive my dad was, you know everything my mother did before she welcomed death, and you know about all thesefriends I had, I just– I don’t have anyone besides them. Don’t take them from me, please.”
“You have me.” He protested.
“But I can’t trust you. Not anymore. And even, now, if you want to go to court, and fight for the twins, bring it on. I don’t fucking care.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” She affirmed, “I don’t care how much money I have to spend – I’ll give it all away, if it means I get to keep them. And if it so happens that you end up with them, anyways…” she swallowed, uneasily, “I don’t think I could go on.”
“Don’t say that.”
“And why not? It’s fucking true.”
“Gimme a chance.”
“I’m not one for second chances. I can’t. Just– See you in court.”
“Babe.”
“What?”
“I still love you, baby.”
She’d be lying if she said she didn’t love him back.
"You really hurt me, JC. I can't trust you; I don't want our children around you, I don't want them to know why we got a divorce, even when they're older. I don't want them to hate you. Please. Just see you in court. Goodbye."
