=Prologue=The Beginning=

Flashes of light surround her as she twisted and turned for the people.  She smiled and flipped her hair.  People yelled her name.  They wanted to talk to her; they wanted to touch her; they wanted to be her.  She was used to all the attention.  She had been for years.  She flashed her trademark smile one last time and waved to the crowd.  She walked down the red carpet and in the door.  Once she was in it was much calmer.  She told her bodyguard she had to use the restroom.  He nodded as she walked away.  She walked toward the bathroom.  The lights in the bathroom were dim.  She stepped over toward the sink and pulled out a small container from her purse.  She opened the container and looked at the white powder.  She smiled.  She lined two lines of it on a small mirror she carried with her.  She sniffed the white powder.

She shook her head when she had finished.  She looked up in the mirror.  Her red hair was hanging in her face.  She pushed it out of the way.  Her blue eyes were intense.  She wiped her nose with the back her hand and turned on the water.  She ran her hands under the warm water.  After she finished washing her hands she put her stuff back in her bag.  She flung her purse over her shoulder and walked out the door of the restroom.

=Chapter One=The Big Idea=

I wanted to scream when I found what I was looking for.  I shook my head and stormed out into the kitchen.  I saw my twin sister sitting on a stool reading a magazine.  As I walked over toward her she glanced up and gave me a smile.  Her smile quickly fell when she saw that I wasn’t happy.

“What’s wrong, Lo?” Kenzie asked.  I didn’t answer.  I threw the small container on the counter in front of her.  It landed on top of the open magazine.  Her eyes widened when she saw what was lying in front of her.  Kenzie looked up at me.

“What is it, Kenzie?  And you better pray to God that it’s not what I think it is.” Kenzie lowered her head.

I knew exactly what it was.  There was no second guessing.  I knew it was cocaine.  She’d done it before but she’d stopped or so we thought.  We’d all trusted her and figured that she’d stopped since she looked healthier than before.

But the more I stared at my sister the more I knew that wasn’t true either.  Her red hair was dull and her skin was pale.  Her blue eyes, which were usually exactly like mine, were now dull and hallow.  She was starting to loose weight.  It wasn’t much but it was enough that I could notice.  Since she and I were almost exactly the same shape, I had a slightly larger bust than she did but other than that we were pretty much the same.

“Lola, I can explain…” Kenzie said in almost a whisper as she looked back up at me.  I just continued to stare at her waiting for her answer.  I could see the tears welling up in her eyes.  I sighed and walked around the counter.  I sat down in the stool next to her.  I reached out and rubbed her shoulder.

“Tell me the truth, Kenzie, did you ever stop?” I asked calmly.  I knew she was on the verge of tears.  Any moment she could breakdown and loose it.  Hell, I knew at any moment I could do the same.

Almost that the very moment I asked her the question she burst into tears.  I pulled her into my arms and let her cry on my shoulder.  We sat there in silence for a while.  I didn’t know what to say.  I just figured it was probably the best thing not to say anything.  Just to let her get all of the tension and fear out.

“God, Lola, I’m so scared,” Kenzie whimpered into my shoulder.  I smoothed her hair and hushed her.

“We’re going to get through this, all right, Kenz.  I promise,” I whispered as I rubbed her back.  She continued to cry for several more minutes.  She soon stopped and sat up.  Kenzie wiped the tears off her face and looked at me.  She gave me a small smile and I returned the gesture. “It’s going to be all right.  I promise.” She nodded slightly and looked at the ground. “You have to tell Mom and Dad, you know.”

“Yeah I know,” she whispered.

=

“No, Ken, I’m not doing it.  There is no way,” I practically screamed as I drove toward our parents’ house.  We were driving there so Kenzie could tell our parents’ that she was still doing cocaine.

“Please, Lola.  It will only be for a short period of time.  Not really long.” I shook my head. There was no way in hell that I was going to do it.  Kenzie wanted me to pose as her while she was in rehab.  She knew our parents were going to send her.  Kenzie didn’t want the media getting wind of her drug abuse so she wanted me to pretend to be her.

Me, Lola Stevens, the shy one.  The one that would rather be in the background than be in the center.  I’d rather blend into the shadows than stand in the center of the room and get all of the attention.  She knew that but yet she was asking me to pretend to be her.  It was a crazy idea and she knew it.

“No, McKenzie, I’m not pretending to be you.  You know I want nothing to do with the spotlight.  I can’t stand the business you’re in.  That’s why I went into med school,” I explained.  Kenzie looked over at me and began begging.  I shook my head. “No, so drop it.”

After a few moments we arrived at our parents’ house.  I pulled into the driveway and parked the car.  I turned off the engine and took off my seatbelt.  I climbed out of the car and started toward the front door.  I glanced over my shoulder to see if Kenzie was coming and she was, slowly.  I reached the door and waited for her.  After a few moments she made it up to the door.  I shook my head and opened up the door and gestured for her to go inside.  She stepped into the house and called for our parents.

I took a deep breath.  This was going to be a big deal.  Of course, it should be but it was going to be even worse because our mother lost her brother to cocaine.  We never met our Uncle John; he died several years before we were even thought about.  I knew my mother would be crying when she heard the news.  I knew Kenzie would be too.  I just hoped that I wouldn’t breakdown with them.

“What’s wrong, girls?” Mom asked.  I looked over at Kenzie, who was biting her lower lip and playing with her hair.  I walked over toward the couch and sat down.

“Mom, Kenzie has something she needs to tell you,” I said as I looked at my mother.  She glanced at me then back at my sister.  I could see that she was nervous.  She rested her hands on Kenzie’s shoulders.

“Mom, Dad…I…I need your help,” she whispered as she looked down at the ground as our father walked into the room.

“What is it, dear?” Dad asked as he walked over and sat next to me.  I held my breath as Kenzie started to tell our parents what was going on.

“I…I’m still…doing cocaine…an-and I need help to stop,” Kenzie whispered.  I watched the tears form in my mother’s eyes and start to run down her cheeks.

“What?  Kenzie, how could you do this?  You…you said you stopped.  We trusted you.  How could you let this happen?”

My mother looked like she wanted to strangle Kenzie and I think she would have if it wasn’t for my father getting up and going over to her.  She wrapped her arms around him and cried on his chest.  Kenzie continued to look down at the ground.  I finally let out the breath that I’d been holding.

“What are we going to do about this?” Dad asked as he looked at Kenzie.  She looked up at him and bit her lower lip.

“I…I have an idea,” Kenzie said softly.  I looked over at her and glared.  I knew she was going to bring up her big idea but there was no way that I was going to do it.

“No, Kenzie, I’m not doing it.  I told you that,” I practically yelled as I stood up.  All three of them turned and looked at me.

“What is she talking about, Kenzie?” Mom asked as she looked at me then at Kenzie.  Kenzie sighed.

“Well…since Lola and I are identical twins…I was thinking that she could…pose as me while I’m in rehab.  I mean I don’t want to media to get a hold of this.  They’ll have a field day with it,” Kenzie explained. 

I shook my head and folded my arms over my chest.  I couldn’t believe that she was actually telling them her outlandish plan.  She knew they were never going to go for it.  It would be lying and they were totally against that.  So you can believe my shock when I hear my mother say that she thinks that it might actually work.

“That might work, we might be able to pull it off,” she said.  I almost fell to the ground when I heard her say that.

“You’re kidding me right?  Mom, you can’t be serious.  This is the stupidest idea she’s ever come up with.”

“Now Lola, don’t be so rude.” I rolled my eyes.

“Why should I get tangled up in the rope that she’s got around her neck?  She’s the one that’s tightening the noose and I want nothing to do with it.”

“Lola, Kenzie has done many things for you over the years,” our mother said.  I looked at her with a ‘yeah right’ look on my face.

“I’m sorry but I refuse to lower myself to her level.  I refuse to do it,” I said as I walked out of the room.  I wasn’t going to take anymore of this.  There was no way I was going to pose as my sister and dance around in skimpy ass outfits and watch men and some women stare at me.  I have enough problems just getting up to give a speech in class.  How was I supposed to act like Kenzie and wear what she wears?  There was no way that I was going to do this.  I have enough trouble wearing a bathing suit.  How does she expect me to act when I have to wear stuff skimpier than a bathing suit?

=Chapter Two=Change of Heart=

Mom and Kenzie had been bugging me about the whole situation since Kenzie had come up with the idea.  I was still against it but as they went on I was starting to feel sorry for Kenzie.  If you really thought about it, it really wasn’t her fault.  It was Hollywood that made her do it.  The pressure to be perfect, to be on top.

I knew she’d made some friends that were not good for her or anyone for that matter.  They were drug addicts…I guess like she was now.  Actually pretty much everyone now a days was.  It didn’t have to be Hollywood.  I knew a few that were and they were in med school with me.  So anyone could get addicted to drugs I knew that.  I’d learned that from experience in high school.  I’d never done anything but I’d had a few friends that had.  They’d lost themselves in the drugs and I never spoke to them again.

“Please, Lola, do this one thing for me and I’ll never ask you again to do anything for me again,” Kenzie said to me.  I gave her a sideways glance.

“Kenz, I’ve heard that too many times.  I’m not so sure that I trust you with that comment.” I looked over at her and could see that she was almost again in tears.  I could tell that she really didn’t want this to get out but I wasn’t sure I was willing to be in the limelight like she was.

“Please, Lola, please, you can have everything that you make when you’re doing this for me.  Please, Lo, please,” Kenzie begged as she reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I sure hope I don’t regret this,” I mumbled to myself then opened my eyes and looked at Kenzie. “All right, I’ll do it but I have a few questions for you first.”

“You will?  Oh thank you, thank you so much,” Kenzie screamed as she threw her arms around me.  I patted her on the back a few times. “The answers to your questions are yes.  I don’t care whatever you want.”

“Ah, but you haven’t heard the questions and they’re not yes or no questions,” I said as I pulled Kenzie away from me.  I held her at arms length away. “What am I going to do about school?  What am I going to do about my job?  What am I going to do about my scholarship?  Can you answer those questions for me?  Those are some major questions that I have for the hesitation.”

As soon as I asked the questions Kenzie’s smile fell from her face.  I knew she hadn’t thought about any of those things.  She just figured I’d drop everything and do this for her.  I was willing to put everything on hold for her but she just assumed that I would do so.

“Well…I…I’m not sure what you can do about those things,” Kenzie said after a few moments of silence.  She looked down at the ground.  I sighed.

“Kenz, you don’t have to worry about it.  I’ll do this for you.  I can see that you really want me to do this for you.  I’ll have to talk to the dean but I think he’ll be all right with it.  I can always get another job, it’s no big deal, and it’s only part time too.  I’ll have to see about my scholarship.  Hopefully they’ll let me keep it.  I don’t know we’ll see.  If they don’t you have to pay for the rest of my schooling,” I explained.

“Of course, I will.  I know how much you want to be a pediatrician.  I know how much you love kids.  I’ll pay for it if you aren’t able to keep your scholarship.” I nodded.

=

“So what exactly am I going to be doing when your break is over with?” I asked as Kenzie and I sat on my bed.  She was behind me braiding my hair.

“Well…you’re going to be going on tour…with Justin Timberlake,” she said softly.  I nearly fell off the bed when she told me.  I was going to be going on tour.  I was going to be in front of thousands of people.  I was going on tour…with Justin Timberlake of all people.

“Are…are you serious?” I asked once the shock wore off.  I glanced over my shoulder at Kenzie.  She had a smile on her face.

“Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it.  It’s all over those entertainment shows and all those kinds of magazines.” I rolled my eyes.

“If you haven’t noticed, Kenz, I’m not one for all of that.  I hardly have time to eat let alone follow the Hollywood scene,” I said.

“Well you’re going to need to be up on the Hollywood scene from here on out.  Especially if you want to pass as me.”

I knew that.  I wasn’t stupid; I was going to medical school for crying out loud.  I got a scholarship to one of the best colleges in the United States.  I was a straight A student.

“So…tell me more about this tour with Justin.  You guys have met before I’m assuming.  I mean, come on girl tell me about him.  I need to know every minor detail if I’m going to be you for several months.” Kenzie patted me on the back letting me know that she was done with my hair.  I turned around and looked at my sister.

“Well…photos and television don’t do the man justice.  He’s ten times…no a hundred times hotter in person.  He’s really sweet, he’s a real gentleman.  We’ve known each other for a few years.  We hosted the VMA’s a couple of years ago.  That’s how we met…” she continued to tell me about him and what they were…well we were going to be doing on the tour.  I was going to perform first then Justin.

My head was starting to hurt with all the information she was giving me.  She continued to tell me about everything that she did until it was nearly two in the morning.  I glanced over at the clock as my eyes started to feel a little heavy.  I smiled slightly.

“Kenzie, I’d love to hear more but it’s almost two.  I think we’d better get some sleep.  We have to tell a few people tomorrow about all of this.  You know Dreana will have to know, of course, we’ll have to tell Will, since he’s your manager for crying out loud,” I said with a yawn.  Kenzie smiled and looked over at the clock.

“Stop doing that,” she said as she hit me on the arm as she yawned. “You’re making me yawn.” I smiled and shook my head.  I reached over and pushed her off my bed. “All right, all right, I’m going.  Keep your pants on.” I shook my head.

It was hard to believe sometimes that she was the older one.  Only by a few minutes but she was still the older one.  She had always been more childish than I was.  I had always been the serious one and she’d always been the goofy one.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Kenz,” I said as I stood up and flipped down the covers of my bed.  Kenzie walked toward the door and stopped in the doorway.

“Thank you, Lola,” Kenzie said as she turned back around.  I looked up at her and nodded.

“You’re welcome.  Now go away, I need to sleep.  We’re going to talk to Dreana tomorrow…well actually later today but…you know what I mean.  I already called her and told her to be here early.  She needs to know and so does Will.”

“I know, I’ll see you in the morning.  Goodnight,” Kenzie said then shut the door to my room.  I sighed and sat on the edge of my bed.  I glanced over at the clock and groaned.  I rubbed my face with my hands.  I got back up and walked toward the bathroom.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth.  I went back to my room and shut the door.

As I climbed into bed I sighed once more.  This was going to be tough.  I’m not entirely sure I can do this but…I’ll try for Kenzie’s sake.  She wants me to do this and I’ve never really been one to turn away from someone in need of help.

I reached over and turned off the lamp next to my bed once I had finally settled into bed.  I rolled over onto my other side and closed my eyes.  Finding that that wasn’t a comfortable position minutes later I turned back over.  That wasn’t comfortable either.  I tossed and turned for several more minutes before I gave up on going to sleep.  I laid on my bed and stared into the darkness.

I don’t know if I can do this.  I’m going to screw something up.  I know it.  Kenzie and I are nothing a like.  The only things that we have in common are we’re identical twins, we share the same last name and we share the same birthday.  That’s it.  Nothing else.  She’s the loud, outgoing one and I’m…I’m the shy, quiet one.  Those are two polar opposites and there is nothing that can make them remotely close to the same.

I sighed and shook my head.  I brought my arms up to my forehead and laid them across it.  I groaned as I thought about what I was getting myself into.  I was going to be in front of millions of people.  Every second of my life for the next couple of months was going to be photographed, and analyzed.  That thought send a chill down my spine.  What was I getting myself into?  Could I handle it?  I was about to find out.

=Chapter Three=Mum’s the Word=

I groaned when I heard my alarm go off at seven the next morning.  I had only fallen asleep a few hours before that.  I reached over and shut it off.  I rolled over onto my other side and pulled the covers up tighter.  I had stayed up all night freaking out about what I was getting myself into.  That I had forgotten to sleep…well until about two hours ago.

After a few minutes of lying there I decided I’d better get up even though I didn’t want to and the fact that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.  Damn those early classes.  I groaned as I threw the covers off of myself and shivered when the cold air hit my bare legs.  I sat up and yawned.  I didn’t open my eyes until then and glared at my clock.  Why did it have to seven?  Why did I have to tell Dreana to be here at seven-thirty?  I stood up and stretched.  I shuffled over toward my dresser and grabbed a pair of pajama pants.  I slipped them on over my shorts and threw on a sweatshirt over my tank top.  I stepped into my slippers that were lying at my feet.

I looked back over at my clock, seven-twenty.  Dreana should be here any minute.  I walked toward the door of my room and opened it up to find Kenzie standing there.  She had a smile on her face.  Damn it, she slept just fine last night.

“Hey, how’d you sleep last night?” Kenzie asked as she continued to smile.  I grunted at her and pushed past her.  I walked down the stairs of our apartment to the lower level.  I yawned as I walked toward the kitchen.  I opened up the fridge and looked around for something to eat.  Nothing.  That’s right, it was Kenzie’s turn to go to the store.  I did it last time and nearly got mauled by the paparazzi.  They thought I was Kenzie.

“McKenzie, you need to go to the store.  There’s nothing to eat in this damn apartment,” I practically yelled as I slammed the fridge shut.  Kenzie walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face. “Oh, stop your damn smiling before I smack it off your face.”

I was never a morning person.  I never had been.  Kenzie knew this and she usually laughed at me in the morning.  I was always…always in a grumpy mood.  It was just part of my nature and she knew that so she never took any of my comments in the morning to heart.

“Sorry, I’ll go later today when you’re at rehearsal with Peter.  So I take it you didn’t sleep well last night,” Kenzie said as she sat down on one of the stools that we’d sat on only the day before when she told me she was still doing drugs.  I turned around and glared at Kenzie.  She laughed.  Her laughter stopped when she heard a knock on the door.  Both she and I looked over at the door.  I sighed.

This was it.  She was about to tell Dreana.  She had been Kenzie’s personal assistant for the last four years, and before that she’d been a family friend.  We’d grown up together.  She was a few years older than us but we’d always been close.  I knew it was going to be tough on Dreana because she’d been with Kenzie almost as much as I had.  She actually saw her more than I did sometimes.  I was always too busy with school to really pay much attention to Kenzie.  I always thought Kenzie’s “problems” were petty.  She would always worry about what to wear to some award show or what not.  I figured my worries were more important than hers.  Selfish I know.

Kenzie took a deep breath and stood up.  She glanced over at me then walked over toward the door.  I heard Dreana’s voice asking Kenzie what was going on.  I walked into the large living room and sat down in one of the chairs in the room.  Dreana smiled at me as she walked in the room.

“Hey, Lo, how are you this morning?” She asked as she tucked her blonde hair behind her ear.  I just gave her a half smile.  I wasn’t in the mood to talk right now.  Kenzie was the one that needed to do the talking. “That bad, huh?  I’m sorry.” I just shrugged and then looked at Kenzie.

“Did you want something to drink, Dee?” Kenzie asked with a nervous smile.  I shook my head.  She was stalling.  I knew she didn’t want to tell anyone about this.  Hell, I had to find out for myself, she wasn’t going to tell me and I had to force her to tell our parents.  Dreana looked at me then at Kenzie.

“No, I’m fine.  Now what am I doing here?” Dreana asked as she slipped her tall slender body into the cushions of the couch.  Kenzie bit her lower lip and sat down next to Dreana.  Dreana looked back at me. “Lola, what is this all about?  Is something wrong?”

“You have to ask Kenzie that.  She has something to tell you, not me,” I said as I shook my head.  Dreana looked over at Kenzie.  I could tell that Dreana was getting a little frustrated with the whole situation.  She hated being left out of the loop. “Kenzie, you’d better tell her before I do and you don’t want to do that, do you?”

“No,” Kenzie answered with a  sigh, “Dee, I’m…going into rehab for cocaine and Lola is going to take my place while I’m in rehab.”

Dreana stared at Kenzie for a few moments then she looked over at me.  Then back at Kenzie.  Her mouth was slightly open and she had a puzzled look on her face.

“You’re…you’re kidding me, right?  This is just some practical joke you’re playing on me, right?” Dreana looked back over at me.  I could see that she was on the verge of tears.  I shook my head.

“No, it’s not a joke, Dee.  Kenzie’s going into rehab for cocaine…and I’m going to take her place while she’s gone.”

“You really think you can pull it off?  You, Lola, the shy, quiet one?  You think you can pull this off?” Dreana asked as she stared at me.  I was a little hurt by her comment but…she was right.  I was the shy, quiet one.  I had always been.  I wasn’t sure I could pull it off but damn it I was going to try.

“Hell, I don’t know but…I’m going to try.  I mean what’s the worst that could happen?” I asked as I shrugged my shoulders.

“My career would be over!” Kenzie yelled as she glared at me.  Dreana looked at Kenzie then back at me.  Dreana shook her head and smiled a little.  She knew that I was joking but apparently Kenzie didn’t get it.

=

Well one person off the list of people to tell.  Dreana knew and she was going to go along with it.  She didn’t like the idea but she agreed to do it.  I knew Dreana would have trouble with the whole idea.  I was having trouble with the whole idea too.  So I knew how Dreana was feeling.  The next person was Will, Kenzie’s manager.

Luckily I wasn’t going to be there for that one.  I was going to be at rehearsal for Kenzie’s tour.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I was terrified.  This was the biggest step for me in my whole life.  At least socially.  I mean going to college…hell medical school was a huge step but this was a totally different kind of step.

So far things were going pretty well.  Peter was being nice.  He knew that I wasn’t Kenzie.  He actually figured it out the minute I walked into the room.  Peter said that he knows his clients and he’d be able to tell if they were a fake or not.  He promised not to tell anyone.  Which, of course, I was grateful for.

“Honey, I’ve held juicer secrets than that one,” Peter said with a laugh.  He patted me on the back. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Good,” I said as I flopped down on the couch that was in the dance studio.  I grabbed my water bottle and took a few drinks.  I looked up at Peter.  He wasn’t much older than me.  He was probably in his late twenties…maybe early thirties but I think that might be pushing it.  He was tall and slender with dark shaggy brown hair.  His brown eyes were a coffee color.  He always seemed to be smiling.  This wasn’t a bad thing because he had a beautiful smile.

If he wasn’t married and his wife wasn’t expecting their first child, I would have been more attracted to him than I was.  But since I knew he was off the market, I wasn’t as interested as I normally would be.

“All right, that’s a long enough break, let’s get back to this,” Peter said as he reached out for my hands.  I shook my head and smiled.  He grabbed my hands and forced me up out of my comfortable spot on the couch.  I screwed the cap onto my water bottle and threw it on the couch.  I walked into the middle of the studio and stood in front of the large mirror.

=

“No more, please, no more,” I whined as I flopped onto the couch.  I was drenched in sweat and my heart rate hadn’t been this high in a long time.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  I normally wasn’t a whiner but every once in a while I just let loose and all my built up whining just came out.  Peter just laughed. “It’s not funny, I think you might have almost killed me.”

“If you think that was bad, honey, you haven’t seen anything.  I was going easy on you because it’s your first rehearsal.” Peter walked over toward the couch and sat down next to me.  He reached over and patted me on the back. “You did good, kid.  It’s tougher than it looks, huh?” All I could do was nod.  Peter handed me a water bottle and told me to drink.  I did what I was told and took a deep breath after I took a few drinks. “We’ll do this again tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I whined again as I looked over at him.  He smiled and shook his head.  He stood back up and walked over toward the other side of the room.

“Yes, tomorrow,” he answered.  I groaned and shook my head.  He was trying to kill me.  How the hell does Kenzie do this?  And Peter says he was going easy on me.  Easy?  You call that easy?  Oh god, I’m going to die.  Kenzie better be happy that I’m doing this for her.  She better not make me regret it.

=Chapter Four=First Impressions=

I frantically looked for something to wear.  What I had chosen a few minutes ago now didn’t seem like the right thing.  I pulled a shirt out of my closet and put it up against me.  I looked in the mirror and groaned.  I threw it over my head.  It landed on the ground next to the other shirts that I’d thrown out of my way.

I’ve never been this nervous about what I wear.  I usually wear what is comfortable but today…today was different.  I was meeting Justin today.  We were going out to lunch and we were going to discuss some things about the tour.  I don’t know how much help I was going to be since I’d never done anything like this before.  I had hoped that Dreana was going to be there with me but she had other plans.

I’m terrified that I was going to mess up and spill everything.  And everything would be ruined.  I know I’m going to mess everything up.  I know it.  I’ll see him and I’ll become weak and I’ll spill everything to him.  I’ll screw everything up and the media will get a hold of this and they’ll go crazy with it.  My thoughts were interrupted when I heard someone walk into the room and start laughing.

I turned around and looked at Kenzie standing in the doorway.  She looked terrible.  She should have been in rehab but she hadn’t left yet.  She wanted to make sure I was doing okay.  To be honest I was more worried about her than I was me.  At the moment she was more important than I was.  She needed to get better so she could take this all back.

“Shut up, Kenzie, just shut up,” I said as I began to laugh as I looked around my room. “Kenzie, I don’t know what to wear.”

“What you’re wearing is fine.  You look cute,” Kenzie said as she walked over toward my bed.  She sat down and looked at me.  I looked in my full length mirror and made a face at my outfit.  I was wearing an army green long sleeve shirt and a dark green one over top.  The jeans I was wearing were a little too big.  My hair was down and straight. “You look very cute, Lola.  Justin will think it’s cute.”

That caused me to smile and I wasn’t sure why.  I hadn’t even met the guy and I was smiling because my sister said he thought I would look cute.  For all I know Kenzie could be lying to me and Justin could be an asshole.  He could be the most arrogant person on the face of the earth.  But the thought of him thinking I was cute made me all giddy.

“Are you sure?” I asked as I turned around and looked at Kenzie.  She smiled and stood up.  She walked over to me and I could see the tears in her eyes.  I reached out and put my hands on her shoulders. “What’s wrong, Kenz?  Why are you crying?” She shook her head. “Come on, Kenzie.  Tell me.  You can tell me anything.”

“I…I don’t know.  I guess…I’m just scared that’s all.  I mean I feel like I’m forcing you to do this for me.  I feel selfish.  I hate that I’m making you do all of this for me.  I mean I should just suck it up and face the media.  I deserve that…” Kenzie ranted.

“McKenzie, stop that right now.  I know you’re scared.  Hell, I’m scared too but that doesn’t mean that I won’t do this for you.  And Kenzie, you’re not forcing me into doing this.  If I truly didn’t want to do this I would have said no and you would be facing the media.  I’m not going to throw you to the wolves like that.  I’m going to do whatever I can to help you.  That’s what sisters do, isn’t it?” I asked.  Kenzie looked down at the ground and nodded. “Come on cheer up, would ya?  I don’t want to go have this lunch with Justin if you’re going to be upset.  I wouldn’t be able to handle it knowing you were upset.”

“No, I’m fine, you have to go.  People will get suspicious if you don’t go.  Just go I’ll be fine, go have fun with Justin,” Kenzie said with a sigh as she looked up at me.  I smiled and hugged my sister.

=

All right, so I ended up changing my outfit even though Kenzie told me I looked cute.  I couldn’t stand wearing those shirts.  Plus it was warm outside.  I didn’t want to be sweating in front of Justin.  That wouldn’t be a very good impression and that would just be plain embarrassing.  I changed into a dark blue tank top and kept the jeans and sneakers.

I took a deep breath as I walked into the restaurant I was supposed to meet with Justin for lunch.  I nearly tripped over my feet when I saw him sitting in a corner booth talking to the waitress.  He was laughing and flirting with her.  I shook my head and smiled.

This was it. I, Lola Stevens, was about to meet Justin Timberlake.  Someone that I’d been attracted to on since he was with the guys.  I’d never thought that I’d get to meet him.  Even with Kenzie working in the music business.  I’d never gotten involved with Kenzie’s career.  That was her career and medical school was mine, at least at the moment.

I felt a nudge and looked over my shoulder.  I looked at my bodyguard, Marty.  He also knew about the plan but was sworn to secrecy.  Plus Marty had been close to the family and I knew that I wouldn’t get past a glance without him knowing the difference.

“Go on, don’t keep him waiting,” Marty whispered in my ear.  I bit my lower lip and nodded.  I looked back over at the table and smiled.  Justin was now looking over in my direction, he had a smile on his face.  I took one more deep breath and started his way.  As I got closer to the table Justin stood up and held out his arms.

“Hey there, Kido, how are you?” Justin asked as I got closer.  I tilted my head to the side and gave him a playful smile.

“Kido?  Since when do you call me that, Old Man?” I asked trying to act as if we’d known each other for years.  He chuckled as I walked into his arms and he wrapped his strong arms around me.  I could have died right then and there.  This was not happening.  I was hugging Justin Timberlake.

I didn’t want to let go but I was forced to.  I stepped away from Justin and looked up at him.  He was several inches taller than.  I was only 5’6” and that was pushing it.  I was only that height when I wore heals.  Which wasn’t very often but I knew I had to get used to the idea of wearing them.  Since that was pretty much all Kenzie wore.

“Hey, I’m not an old man, I’m only a few years older than you,” Justin said as he chuckled some more.  He gestured for me to sit down and I did.  He sat across from me and looked at me.

“Yeah which, gives you no reason to call me, Kido,” I said as I stuck out my tongue at him.  For some reason I felt like I was able to be myself with him.  Even though I’d just met him my nerves fell away when he called me Kido.  I’d always hated the nickname, my uncle had always called me it so I guess I sort of felt at ease with Justin for it.

“Touché.  So how have you been since the last time I talked to you?” Justin asked with a smile.  I licked my lips.  Here we go, the lies start now.  Well I guess they started the moment that I walked into the restaurant.

“I’ve been fine, busy but fine.  You know, when you have breaks you never truly get a real break,” I said with confidence.  The waitress walked up about then and handed me a menu.  I thanked her and looked back at Justin.

“I hear you.” Justin and I continued to make small talk for a while then we started getting down to business.  I didn’t understand a single thing he was telling me.  I just continued to shake or nod my head.  Or say ‘oh yeah, that sounds good’ or ‘I never thought of that, that would be awesome’ or something along those lines.

I felt comfortable with him as I sat there and listened to his voice.  I actually wasn’t listening to what he was actually saying, I was listening to just his voice.  How every once in a while his southern drawl would show through.  I could tell that he tried to hide it for some reason.

I glanced around the restaurant as he talked and saw a few people looking in our direction.  I felt a chill run down my spine.  This was going to take some major getting used to.  People staring at me all the time, day or night.  People asking for autographs, which I still had to practice so I could get Kenzie’s correctly.  It was mostly just a bunch of scribbles but I wasn’t used to scribbling.  Even though most doctors have sloppy handwriting, I didn’t.

“Kenzie, McKenzie Stevens,” I heard Justin say.  I came out of my daze when I realized he was talking to me and not my sister.  I looked up at him.

“Oh, yeah sorry,” I said.  I could feel my cheeks getting hot.  He shook his head.

“You’re not listening to me, this is important.” I sighed.

“I know, I’m sorry,” I said as I lowered my head.  I looked down at the table.  I was messing everything up.  I had only been pretending to be Kenzie for a few hours and I was already messing everything up.  This was going to be a long couple of months.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Justin asked as he reached over and lifted my head up.  I looked into his dark blue eyes.  I could get lost in those eyes, I had already once today. “You seem really distant today, like you’re not yourself.” I had to stop myself from laughing.  Of course I wasn’t myself.  I was pretending to be my sister.  Which I wasn’t doing a very good job at it, might I add.

“I don’t know…things have just been complicated lately.  Family problems,” I answered hoping that he would leave it alone after that.  He nodded.

“Yeah, that stuff can get your mind clouded.  You want to talk about it?” Justin asked.  His question caused me to smile.  Kenzie was right, he was a gentleman.

“No, not really.  Maybe later.” I mean I didn’t completely lie to him there.  No I didn’t want to talk about it cause if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop.  Then I’d tell him about the plan and that would ruin everything.  And…I’d probably tell him eventually about the whole thing.  So the ‘maybe later’ part wasn’t a lie either.

“All right, well I’m here if you ever need anything.” I nodded and gave him a half smile.  The rest of the lunch went pretty much like the first part of it did.  He did most of the talking and I listened.  This time I actually listened, well tried to.  After another hour or so, Justin said that he needed to go.  He had other appointments that he needed to get to.  I got up as he stood up.  He pulled me into a hug then held me at the shoulders at arms length away from him so he could look at me. “Remember, you can tell me anything, you’re like a little sister to me.  Day or night, whatever time it is.  If you need to talk about anything, anything at all please let me know, all right?”

“All right, I’ll see you in a couple of days, to do the finishing touches on the tour,” I said as I smiled at him.  He nodded and hugged me again.  I’d never thought Justin would be a hugger but I could tell that I was going to be getting a lot of hugs.  Which I didn’t mind, not at all.

=Chapter Five=Nerves=

“I can’t do this.  I’m going to mess everything up.  This is going to be a disaster,” I said to my reflection as I stared at myself in the mirror.  My mascara was running down my cheeks from the tears that were running with it down my face.  I had snuck into the bathroom before the show to get some privacy.  Only moments after I walked into the bathroom I got sick.  My stomach was churning.  I have never been this nervous in my entire life.

I rested my hands on the sides of the sink and bowed my head.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  I took a few deep breaths trying to calm my nerves but it wasn’t working.  If anything it was making my stomach churn more.  I heard a knock on the door as it opened.  I looked over at the door and nearly began crying more when I saw Justin standing in the doorway.

“Kenz, what’s wrong?  Are you feeling all right?” Justin asked as he walked over toward me.  I shook my head and looked at the ground. “Nerves?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why, I’ve done this so many times I can’t count,” I answered.  Justin reached down and lifted up my head.  He smiled at me.

“Hey, I get nervous too.  I’m freaking out right now, I’m nervous beyond belief right now but I know how to control my nerves,” Justin said calmly.

I had no idea how he was able to stay so calm.  I was over here ready to puke all over his shoes and he was standing there trying to calm me down.  Telling me that he gets nervous too.  I don’t think he’s been nearly as nervous as I am right now.  This is a life or death situation.  Okay maybe not a life or death situation but it’s a really big situation.

“I don’t know how you can stand there so calm.  I’m about to die over here,” I said as I stared up at him.  He smiled and pulled me into his arms.  He rubbed my bare back as he held me in his arms.

“Everything’s going to all right.  You’ll do fine.  You’ve gone over this show a thousand times, you’re going to be fine.  You want to know a little trick?” I nodded. “Imagine everyone is naked.  It works for me.” I laughed and pulled away.

“Of course it works for you, most of the audience you have are girls.  I’m sorry but I don’t want to picture other women naked, thank you very much,” I said with a laugh. “Plus that never works and you know it.”

“I know, I was just trying to make you laugh.  Which I accomplished.” I shook my head and looked back in the mirror.  I groaned when I saw my face.  I looked terrible.  Half of my make up was gone or it was running down my face.

All of a sudden I felt extremely embarrassed.  Justin was seeing me as a nervous wreck.  My stomach began to churn more violently.  I covered my mouth and ran for the toilet.  Seconds later I felt Justin standing behind me, he was holding my hair out of my face.  After I was finished I looked up at Justin.  He had a grimace on his face.  I sighed and flushed the toilet.  I walked out of the stall and went over toward the sink again.  I leaned over it.  I heard a paper towel being torn off the roll and then the water being turned on.  I glanced over at Justin as he rang out the paper towel.  He handed it to me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I began wiping off my face.  The tears started to fall again.  This was embarrassing.  I’d only known Justin for two weeks and he was already seeing me puking.  That was not something I was proud of.

“Come here, let me help you,” Justin said softly as he grabbed the paper towel out of my hand.  I looked up at him.  He folded the towel in half and began wiping off my face for me.  I stared up at him and couldn’t help but smile.  He had his tongue sticking out as he wiped off my face. “Stop smiling, I’m trying to concentrate and you’re messing me up.” I began to laugh and Justin pulled away.  He shook his head at me. “Stop, I’m almost done.” I stopped.  Seconds later he announced that he was done.

“Thank you,” I said as I took the towel from him and threw it away.  I looked back over at Justin and he was smiling.

“Sure, it was no problem.  Are you feeling all right now?” Justin asked as he reached over and ran his hand through my hair.  I nodded.

It was funny, I had never thought Justin would be a touchy kind of a person but as the weeks went by I realized he was.  At least to all the women that he encountered.  At first I thought that there was something going on between my sister and Justin that she wasn’t telling me about but I began to notice that he acted the same way with the others.  I guess it was his southern heritage that brought the touchiness out.

“Thank you.  You don’t now how embarrassing this has been,” I said with a small laugh.  He just smiled and put his arm around me.

“Come on let’s get you back to make up.  You have to finish getting ready, you’re about to go on in a little bit,” Justin said as he started to guide me out of the bathroom.

“Oh thanks for reminding me.” He laughed as we walked out of the bathroom.

=

“Thank you guys, you’re the best crowd I’ve had.  Thank you guys,” I said into the microphone as I finished up my part of the show.  I waved to the crowd and ran off stage.  I was handed a towel as soon as I stepped off of the stage.

“Great job, Kenzie.  See I told you, you’d be okay,” Justin said as he put his arm around my shoulders.  I smiled and shook my head.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get cocky, Old Man,” I said as I gave him a nudge.  He laughed. “You better stop fussing over me and finish getting ready.  You’re about to go in a few.”

“Not for another half hour.  They have to change the stage and everything.  Come on let’s go get you something to eat,” Justin said as he guided me down the hall toward my dressing room.  I was beginning to think that something was going on between my sister and Justin that she wasn’t telling me.  I mean I know that he acts all affectionate with all the other women around him but how he was acting with me was different.

We finally reached my dressing room and walked into the room.  A large folding table had an assortment of foods.  All of it was there when I’d gotten to the venue.  It was stuff that Kenzie liked but I hated most of it.  She tended to eat a lot of health food and I tended to eat junk food.  I was lucky that I had a good metabolism.

“How can you eat this stuff?” Justin asked as he looked down at the food.  I just smiled and shrugged.  I was thinking the same thing.  I grabbed a small plate and grabbed a few carrot sticks, some apple slices and a spoonful of potato salad.  I grabbed a fork and began to eat as I walked over toward the couch.  After a few minutes of eating I was done.  I set the plate down on the floor next to the couch.

“You should be going on in a few, right?” I asked trying to break the silence the filled the room.  I rubbed the back of my neck and shoulders.  I’d been stressed all week trying to get everything just right for opening night.  I’d actually had a headache all week.  It wouldn’t go away, even with all the medication I took for it.

“Not for a while.  Your neck hurt?” Justin asked as he leaned closer to me.  I nodded and continued to rub my neck. “Come here, let me help you with that.” I stopped rubbing my neck but hesitated a little bit.  I shrugged my shoulders and turned my back to Justin.  He reached over and moved my hair out of the way.  He began to rub my shoulders and neck.  I could feel the tension melting away at his touch.

I loved the feeling of his hands on my shoulders.  His strong hands massaging away the tension that I’d had for the last week.  I got lost in his touch until he announced that he was done.  I groaned in protest.  He just laughed and patted my shoulder.  I shifted so I was facing him.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile. “You don’t know how much better that feels.”

“Sure, it’s no problem.  I’d do anything for you, Kenz,” Justin said as he stared at me.  I licked my lips and sighed.  Justin reached over and brushed some hair out of my face.  He ran his fingers through my hair which sent a chill down my spine.  Before I knew it his lips were inches from mine.  I closed my eyes and waited.

“Kenzie?” I heard Dreana ask as she knocked on the door.  I quickly opened my eyes and stood up.  The door opened just as I stood up and looked over at it. “Hey, I thought I’d find you…oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I just stood there staring at Dreana.  My head was spinning.  Had I just almost kissed Justin?  Were we really that close to one another?  Why did Dreana have to show up at the moment?  God, I’m going to kill her.

“Oh, it’s all right, we were just talking,” Justin said.  I saw him look over at me from the corner of my eye.

“Kenz, are you all right?” Dreana asked as she walked into the room.  She started over toward me.  I just followed her and continued to stare.  What was I supposed to say?

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just a little tired from the show,” I lied.  Of course I wasn’t fine.  Just moments ago I was about to kiss Justin Timberlake.  Me, a simple girl, shy girl like me, was about the kiss Justin.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  Things were going way too fast.

“All right, Justin, Trace is looking for you.  He’s frantic.  You’re supposed to go on in a few minutes, he’s looking everywhere for you.  I thought I’d come see Kenzie and see if she knew where you were but I found you too.  So it’s all good but you’d better get out there before he gets mad.  We all know what Trace is like when he’s mad,” Dreana said with a small laugh.

“Yeah.  I’ll see you later,” Justin said as he turned his attention to me.  I looked over at him and gave him a half smile.  He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.  He said good bye to Dreana and left the room.  As soon as he left I looked at Dreana.

“What is wrong with you, Lola?” Dreana asked once she was sure that the door was closed and there was no one within hearing range.  She walked back over toward me.

“Okay, Dee, tell me the truth, is there anything going on between my sister and Justin?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“No, why?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed.

“Cause he just tried to kiss me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I would have loved it if Justin had kissed me but I need to know if there is something going on between them.  Are they a couple?  Did they date once?  What’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on between them.  They kissed like once or twice a year or so ago but other than that nothing happened.  For a while they wanted to date and stuff but Kenzie called it all off before anything could happen.  She said that she didn’t want to get into a relationship right now.  That was it.”

I eyed Dreana.  I couldn’t tell if she was telling me the truth but then again why would Dreana have anything to lie to me about.  She was trying to help Kenzie.  She was trying to help me be Kenzie.  I had no reason to think that she was lying to me but I still got the sneaky feeling that there was something more going on between Justin and my sister.  That no one other than my sister and Justin knew about.

=Chapter Six=The Show Must Go On=

I could feel my heart starting to race as we pulled up in front of the studio.  I took several deep breaths to try and calm my nerves.  Marty looked over at me.

“Are you all right?” He whispered as he reached over and rubbed my shoulder.  I sighed and glanced over at him.  I shook my head.

Of course I wasn’t doing all right.  I was about to go on national television and lie to everyone.  I was about to go on one of the highest rated television shows on MTV.  I was supposed to act like nothing happened between me and Justin the other day.  I was supposed to act like he hadn’t tried to kiss me.

I was about to step out of the car and be in a huge crowd of people.  People that I didn’t know.  People that I didn’t know what the hell they were going to do when they saw me.  I’d always been terrified of crowds, which was another reason for hesitating when Kenzie asked me to do this.  I always felt a little claustrophobic when I was in a big crowd.

“Kenzie, you feeling all right?  You look a little pale,” Justin said as he looked up from his cell phone.  I looked over at him and shook my head. “Nerves again?” I shook my head again. “Then what is it?”

“I hate big crowds.  I hate being in the middle of them,” I managed to answer as my breathing began to quicken.  I hadn’t had a panic attack in several months.  I could see that Justin was looking at me funny.  I felt Marty turn me toward him and I looked into his dark eyes.

“You need to calm down, take a few deep breaths.  You’ll be fine, I’m here to protect you.  No one is going to get you, I promise,” Marty said softly.  I took a few deep breaths and nodded.  He smiled and smoothed my hair.  He leaned over and kissed me on the head.

“I’m okay,” I said as I took one final deep breath.  Marty nodded and rubbed my shoulders a few more times to get the blood flowing.

“You’ll do just fine, Lola,” he whispered in my ear.  I looked over at Justin, hoping that he hadn’t heard Marty call me by my name.  From the look on his face he hadn’t.

“You okay now?” Justin asked with a hint of concern in his voice.  I nodded and gave him a smile. “All right, good.  I don’t want you freaking out when we get out there.”

“I won’t, I’ll be fine.  I’m sorry about that.  Every once in a while, I get a little panicky when I’m faced with big crowds,” I explained as I shrugged.

“Are you ready for this?” Marty asked as he removed his hands from my shoulders.  I looked at him and nodded. “All right, I’ll get out first and then you and Justin can.” I nodded again as I took another deep breath.  The car stopped in front of the doors.  I looked out the tinted windows at the large group of people.  I sighed.

You can do this.  You can do this.  You’re going to be just fine.  Marty will be there to protect you.  And Justin will be too.  You’re going to be fine.  You can do this.

Marty opened up the door and stepped out of the car.  I looked over at Justin.  He had a concerned look on his face.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” He asked as he scooted closer to me.

“Yeah I’ll be fine.  Don’t worry about me.” He nodded and stepped out onto the sidewalk.  I watched him for a few moments.  He waved and smiled for the cameras and the crowd.  I took one last deep breath and stepped out of the car.  I smiled and waved at the crowd as I walked up toward the doors.  I even signed a few autographs and got a few pictures taken with fans.

But by the time we’d gotten into the doors I was on the verge of another attack.  Just seconds before I started to have another Marty came up and pulled me aside.  He took me to a quiet corner and leaned down in front of me.

“Breathe, Kenzie, breathe.  See you’re all right, we got you inside safely. Breathe,” Marty said as he began to rub my arms again.  I did what I was told and began to relax.  Once I had finally calmed down I smiled up at Marty.

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing, Mac.” Marty grabbed my hand and lead me back to where Justin was standing.  He had been watching the whole thing.  I knew I’d have a lot of questions to answer later but at the time being I didn’t care. 

“Come on, let’s get this over with,” I said as I started down the hall toward the elevator.

=

“Now, here are our special guests, Kenzie Stevens and Justin Timberlake,” Courtney, one of the hosts, announced.  A crew member handed me a microphone and I followed Justin out into the studio.  The studio audience was loud as Justin and I came out.  I couldn’t help but smile.  As Justin and I made our way through the isle way we gave the crowd high fives.

I just sort of followed what Justin did.  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.  Since I’d never done anything like this before.

“Hi Court, how are you?” Justin asked as he hugged the tall blonde.  I just stood there staring at the two.  I waited for them to finish hugging and then hugged Courtney myself.

“So how are you two doing?” Courtney asked.

“We’re doing great,” Justin answered.

“How’s the tour going?”

“The tour is going fantastic.  Things are actually going better than I ever expected.  Especially working with him,” I answered as I laughed and nudged Justin.  He looked over at me and shook his head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever you want it to mean, Old Man.”

“Old Man?” Courtney asked as she raised an eyebrow at the two of us.  I laughed and smiled.

“She insists on calling me Old Man, cause I called her Kido once…” Justin explained.

“You’ve called me Kido, more than once,” I protested.  We continued to bicker like this for a few more moments then stopped and put our attention back on Courtney. “Sorry about that, when the old man gets onto a subject, it’s hard to stop him.” I glanced over at Justin and saw him roll his eyes.

“That’s all right, it’s actually pretty entertaining.  I can tell you two are close, you sound like an old married couple,” Courtney said with a laugh.  I glanced over at Justin and smiled.

“Me, marry her?  Yeah right,” Justin said with a laugh.  I glared at him and shook my head.

=

“All right, well now we’re going to play a little game,” Courtney announced.  The crowd began to cheer.  I laughed.  Things were actually going a lot better than I thought they would.  I was actually comfortable there.

“What are we going to play?” I asked as I looked over at Courtney.  She smiled.

“Well, we’re going to play the Hot Seat.  But instead of me asking you guys the questions, you two are going to ask each other the questions,” Courtney explained.  I glanced over at Justin.  He had a big smile on his face.

“All right, sounds like fun,” Justin said as he rubbed his hands together.  I shook my head as Courtney handed us cards with our questions on them.  I looked down at the cards and smiled when I read some of the questions that I had to ask Justin.

“Well…I’m going to step over here and watch.” Courtney smiled and walked off stage.  She sat down in the audience and rested her microphone on her lap.

“All right, I guess I’ll start…Kenzie, who was your first kiss?” Justin asked as he looked at me.  I put my hands on my hips and swore softly to myself.

Damn it, I don’t know who Kenzie’s first kiss was.  Do you think not remembering would work?  I sure as hell hope so, since that’s the direction I’m going.

“Awe, hell, I don’t remember.  I was like five, it was some boy down the street, I think,” I answered and looked over at Justin.  He gave me a shocked look. “Hey, I was an early bloomer, what can I say?” I shrugged.  Justin shook his head as the audience laughed. “All right, Justin, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” Justin answered.  My mouth fell open and I punched Justin in the arm.  He pulled back quickly. “See what I mean, how can I not be afraid of you when you do stuff like that?” I rolled my eyes.

“How many shoes do you own?”

“What kind of question is that?  I don’t know, fifteen, I think…I don’t know.  How many do you have?”

“Hey that’s not one of your questions,” Justin said as he tried to lean over and look at my card.  I put it against my chest.

“How do you know?  It’s my turn,” I said with a laugh and pushed him away from me. “Who was the last person to break your heart?”

“You.”

“What?  When?  How?”

“Earlier today, when you told me I looked fat in these jeans,” Justin answered as he wiped away an imaginary tear.  He sniffled a little bit.

“You punk, I did no such thing.  You liar,” I yelled as I shoved him a little.

“You see this, the abuse I get,” Justin said to audience as they laughed.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes again.

“What’s your guilty pleasure?”

“Uh…you,” I answered.  Justin raised an eye brow.  I laughed. “I’m kidding, I don’t have one…at least I don’t think so.” I shrugged. “Oh…my turn, who was your favorite person to do a duet with?”

I smiled.  I knew that my sister and Justin had done a duet together earlier in the year, to promote them going on tour together.  I was wondering if Justin would catch on.  He thought for a moment then looked at me.

“Hey, wait that’s not a fair question.”

“I wasn’t the one that came up with it, that would be the people that work for TRL.  I’m just an innocent pawn in all of this,” I explained with a smile.

“Right, innocent,” Justin said with a chuckle.  I glared at him. “No, it would probably have to be…Elton John.”

“All right, I can except that answer…I guess,” I said with a shrug.

“Okay, last question for you, what is the one thing you want people to know about you?”

I want people to know that I’m not Kenzie Stevens.  I’m a medical student, not wanting to be here in the spotlight.

“Uh…let’s see, I’m not as abusive as Justin claims,” I answered and stuck my tongue out at Justin.  He laughed and shook his head. “Last question…are you serious, Courtney?  This the last question?  I already know the answer, there’s no competing with her.” Courtney just shrugged.  I sighed.

“Come on, Kenzie, what’s the question?” Justin asked.

“All right, who would you choose, your mother or me?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Yeah you are right, there is on contest, my mother,” Justin chuckled. “But hey, don’t worry you’re a close second.” Justin patted me on the back.  I shook my head and pushed him away.

=Chapter Seven=Another Chance=

“Hey, you, what are you doing?” I asked as I stepped onto Justin’s bus.  We were about to head out for our next city.  I walked over and sat down next to Justin.

It was still hard to believe that I could just walk up to Justin and start talking to him.  Let alone sit next to him and hang out with him.  I was still having trouble realizing that this wasn’t all a dream.  Of course, then I’d be called Kenzie and I’d know.  Oh right, I’m not me, I’m Kenzie.  Then I get a little dose of reality.  I’m acting not being the real me.

“I’m about to watch a movie,” Justin answered.

“Cool, mind if I stay and watch with you?  There’s absolutely nothing to do over in my bus.  All Dreana wants to do is lecture me on what we’re going to be doing tomorrow and the day after that and so on.  It gets really annoying,” I explained as I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“Sure, I don’t care.  I know what you’re saying, Trace is the same way sometimes.” Justin laughed.  I loved his laugh.

“Where is he anyways?” I asked as I looked around the bus.  Justin shrugged.

“I actually think he was going to go talk to Dreana about something.  Who knows,” Justin said with another shrug.  I smiled and shook my head.

“What movie are you going to watch?” I asked as I leaned over Justin and grabbed the DVD box.  I groaned when I saw what movie he was going to watch. “Not this movie, I hate this movie.”

“We can watch something else, if you want,” Justin said as he looked at me once I’d sat back down in my pervious position.  I continued to look at the movie box.  I didn’t actually hate the movie all that much.  I’d just seen it so many times that after a while it got annoying cause I could practically recite the lines.

“No, that’s okay.  We can watch it, you wanted to.  I’m tired anyways, so I’ll probably fall asleep either way.” I shrugged and adjusted myself so I was lying down on my back with my feet in Justin’s lap.  I rested my hands behind my head and smiled at Justin.

“Get you dirty feet off of me,” Justin chuckled and pushed my feet off of his lap.  I laughed and brought them up, so my knees were bent.

This whole situation was funny.  Me, Lola Stevens, was hanging out with Justin Timberlake.  I never thought I’d be close enough to touch him.  I was actually happy that Kenzie had asked me to do this.  If she hadn’t I wouldn’t be here with Justin and I sure was hell wouldn’t have been this close to him.

“My feet aren’t dirty, I just washed them today,” I whined and lifted up my foot so I could look at it. “Plus my feet are probably cleaner than yours.  You got nasty ass feet,” I said once I put my foot back down.  Justin’s mouth fell open and I laughed.

“I do not,” Justin said all defensively and looked away from me.  I just laughed and nodded.  I nudged Justin in the leg with my foot.  He refused to look at me.  This caused me to laugh even harder.

“Hey, I was only kidding.” I nudged him again and this time he looked at me.  I gave him a big smile.  He shook his head and looked away again. “You big baby.” I sat up and punched him lightly on the arm. “Come on.”

Without warning, Justin grabbed me by the waist and threw me back onto the couch, so I was lying on my back.  He leaned over me and began to tickle me.  I began to laugh hysterically.  This went on for several more minutes and then I finally screamed for him to stop.  Seconds later he did.  He sat up and acted as if nothing had happened.  I was nearly falling on the floor of the bus.  I was hanging half way off of the couch.  I continued to lay there as a caught my breath.  After a few moments I sat up and glared at Justin.

“What?” He asked as a small smile crept across his face.  I shook my head at him and stuck my tongue out at him.  I knew it was childish but I didn’t care.  I was feeling childish after what had just happened.  Plus I wasn’t the only one that was acting that way.  What he did was something a seven year old would do, not a twenty-five year old would do.

“Just start the movie would ya?” I asked as I nudged him with my elbow.  He smiled and started to movie.  I leaned back against the back of couch and rested my hands behind my head.

I guess I fell asleep because I felt someone pick me up and carry me.  I assumed it was Justin and I didn’t bother actually opening my eyes.  I’d woken up a little bit when I felt him pick me up but I didn’t open up my eyes.  When I realized what was going on I soon fell back to sleep.

=

I buried my face into the pillow after I rolled over.  I smiled when I realized that it smelled like Justin.  I smelled it for a few more moments then realized what I was doing.  I was doing something that I thought was utterly creepy.  But I didn’t stop, cause this was Justin’s pillow.  It smelled like him and he always smelled good.  Even after a concert when he was all sweaty and gross.  He was still sexy.  I stopped when I heard someone laughing.  My eyes shot open and I saw Justin lying next to me.  I stared at him for a moment.

“Do my sheets smell funny?  I just washed them the other day,” Justin said with a chuckle.  I smiled in embarrassment.  I could feel my cheeks getting hot from being caught smelling Justin’s pillow.  Now that I thought about it, that sounded really creepy.  Smelling someone’s pillow.

“No they smell fine, I just wasn’t expecting them to smell like you.  I didn’t realize where I was at first,” I answered as I chewed on my lower lip.  Justin smiled and reached over and brushed a few strands of hair out of my face.  His hand lingered for a moment but he pulled it away shortly after.

“Well good, I don’t want them to stink.  I don’t stink too bad do I?” Justin asked as he continued to laugh.  I shook my head.

“I’ve smelled worse,” I said with a smile.  Then it finally hit me, where I was.  I was in Justin’s bed on the bus with Justin.  I glanced over at my shoulder to make sure that I had clothes on.  I hoped I did cause if I didn’t and I not remember what happened I’d have to kill myself. 

“You didn’t stay awake very long last night,” Justin said as he sat up slightly and rested on his elbow.  I smiled and looked up at him.  I turned onto by back and turned my face toward him.

“I told you I wouldn’t.  I said I was tired and I just wanted to get away from Dreana,” I said with a small shrug. 

“Oh so I see how I rank.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I said you were a close second to my mother but I guess I’m lower on your list.” A smile formed across my face.

“Oh shut up, I know you said that but come on, I’m not that special,” I said as I rolled my eyes and looked up at the ceiling.  I sighed and continued to stare at the ceiling.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Justin smiling.

“I think you’re pretty special, you should know that by now,” Justin said as he laid back down on his back and looked up at the ceiling.  I smiled and turned over onto my side.

“You do?” I asked softly.  Justin smiled and nodded.  I laid there staring at Justin.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

I was still having trouble with the whole fact that I was able to be this close to him.  And all the other celebrities for that matter.  I never thought I’d get this close to any of them.  Even with Kenzie in the business.

“You think we could try it again?” Justin asked as he continued to stare at the ceiling.  My expression changed to a confused look.

“Try what again?” I asked.  Justin turned onto his side and looked into my eyes.

“Us,” he answered.  I couldn’t help but smile.  Justin was asking me out, well actually he thought he was asking Kenzie out.

But I wasn’t going to argue.  How am I supposed to tell him no?  I mean I know this probably isn’t something I need to get myself mixed up in.  I don’t need to get into a relationship with Justin and then all of this backfire on us.  I would be devastated if this backfired and we broke up because of it.

“I suppose we could,” I answered with a smile.  I had a feeling I was going to regret it later on but I pushed the feeling aside.  A smile formed across Justin’s face.

“Good cause I wasn’t taking no for an answer,” he said with a chuckle.

“Oh really?” I asked as I laughed.  Justin reached over and ran a hand down the side of my face.  It sent a small chill down my spine.

“Really,” Justin said as he leaned in closer to me.  I closed my eyes as I waited for Justin’s lips to meet mine.  The kiss didn’t last long, just a simple sweet kiss.  I had to fight the urge to throw my arms around Justin and basically maul him to death.  I had to take all of this slowly.  I had to try my hardest not to fall in love with him cause that would make things a whole lot worse if everything backfired.

=Chapter Eight=Coming to a Realization=

“Lola, are you listening to me?” I heard Dreana ask as she snapped her fingers a couple of times.  I quickly looked over at her.  What was she doing calling me Lola?  Yes, I knew it was only me and her in the room but you never know who could walk in. “You’re not listening to me.  You need to, if we want to pull this off.  What is up with you?”

Dee flopped down on the couch next to me.  I bit my lower lip and sighed.  I felt bad cause I hadn’t told her that Justin and I were dating.  It had only been a couple of days but she was my assistant for crying out loud.  I should have told her the moment we decided to date but I was just too excited and I’d been busy the last couple of days.

Plus it’s not like Justin and I were around each other that much in the few days that had passed.  He’d been doing promotional stuff for the tour and so had I but we were doing totally different shows and events.  So we hadn’t been together all that much in the last week.

“You’re not telling me something.  What is going on girl?” Dreana asked as she turned to face me.  She folded her legs underneath herself and laid her hands in her lap.  I licked my lips and took a deep breath. “You can tell me anything.  You know that.  Hell, you’re like a sister to me, both you and your sister.  You know I never had any siblings.  You two are my sisters.  Now what is going on?”

“Well…” I started but stopped.  I wasn’t sure why this was so hard to tell her.  She was right, we were like sisters and I guess I was sort of ashamed of myself for not telling her. “What would you do if I told you that I was going out with Justin?” I asked in almost a whisper.

“I’d tell you that you need to break up with him…and that…” She stopped and looked me square in the eyes. “You’re joking right?  Lola, you are not dating Justin.” I glanced at her and then looked away. “Lola Rachelle, what the hell are you thinking?  You can’t date Justin.  You know it’s never going to work out between you two, don’t you?  It’s not like you can confess everything to him.  He’ll feel betrayed.  You have to call it off.”

I sighed and laid my head back against the couch.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Well she was taking this about the way that I thought she would.  I had a feeling she’d freak out on me.  I just hoped that I was wrong.

“You have to end it.  There’s no way that you two can date.  Lola, you can’t concentrate on pretending to be your sister and date Justin at the same time.  That’s too much for you to handle.  Believe me, look at every other celebrity relationship, they never last.  What makes you think that yours and Justin’s will?  You’re holding the mother of all secrets.”

I wanted to scream.  I knew that Dreana was right but I badly wanted her to be wrong.  I wanted mine and Justin’s relationship to work but in the long run I knew it wouldn’t.  All you had to do was look in the magazines and see all of the celebrity couples breaking up.  She was right, I did have the mother of all secrets.  I wasn’t who I said I was, I was pretending to be my twin sister, who was in rehab.  That’s a pretty big secret.

“I know, you’re right…but Dee, I can’t break up with him.  I mean at least not yet.  He’d wonder what was going on.  I’ll date him for a few months.  What’s the worst that could happen?  I mean, probably in couple of months he’ll break up with me before I break up with him.  I can’t bring myself of break up with him.  Plus, you never know, we could make it.  And we’ve only been going out for like a week now.  It would seem to sudden to break up with him now.”

I opened my eyes and looked over at Dreana.  She gave me the look.  The look that said I don’t like this.  She sighed and looked away.  She ran a hand through her hair.

“All right, I’ll let you do this but, if things start getting out of hand, you have to end it.  If things are starting too get too serious, it needs to end.  I don’t want you getting in too deep and regretting it.”

Dreana looked back at me.  I couldn’t help but smile.  It was strange, I sort of felt like Dreana was my mother and I was her teenage daughter wanting to go out with an older guy.  She wanted to protect me.  Which I thought was pretty funny; since Dee was only a couple of years older than me.  But I knew she was here to help me pull this off.

“I won’t get in too deep, I promise,” I said confidently even though I had feeling that I would get to a point of no return.  I feared for that day.  I didn’t want that day to come.

=

“Hey you,” I heard Justin say was he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.  He looked around for a second and kissed me on the cheek.  I couldn’t help but smile.  I glanced around the room at the small group that was getting the studio ready for our photo shoot for Rolling Stone magazine.

“Hey, how are you?” I asked as I turned around in his arms.  I looked up into his blue eyes.  I couldn’t help but continue to smile. 

I knew Dee was right, I shouldn’t be going out with Justin but I couldn’t stop myself.  He was too charming and too sweet.  I felt like I could be myself with him.  Well as much of myself as I could be when I was pretending to be my sister.

“I’m doing great, now that you’re here.  How have you been?” Justin released me from his grasp and tucked his hands in his pockets.  I didn’t want him to let me go but I knew he didn’t want more rumors of us dating going around.  At least not at the moment.  We’d already had to fight a few in the last week.

I hated lying but at this point that’s all I’ve done for the last month.  So the lying wasn’t near as hard as it had been in the beginning.  Which I felt bad about.  It wasn’t right to lie and I hated doing it but I had to.  If I wanted to pass as Kenzie, I had to.

“Busy but good,” I answered with a small yawn and added, “and tired.”

“Well wake up, we have a photo shoot, we have to act lively for,” Justin said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and started guiding over toward the group of people.  I shook my head.

“But I don’t want to, I want to curl up in bed with you,” I whined as I looked up at him.  He laughed and pulled me closer.

“We can do that later,” Justin responded then leaned down and whispered in my ear, “and maybe more.”

My mouth fell open and I gave him a small shove.  He was thinking about sex this early in the relationship.  Well…he was male so I guess he was always thinking about sex.  I never had any intention of sleeping with Justin.  I knew as soon as I did that I’d be in too deep and I was trying my best not to do so.

“Kenzie, we need to get you into hair and makeup and wardrobe.  Same with you Justin,” Dreana said as we approached her.  I looked over at her and nodded.  I was a little happy that she’d rescued me from the slight awkwardness that was starting to develop.  At least on my side of it.

It probably didn’t phase Justin.  Me on the other hand, I’d only slept with one other person.  And I was never really the kind of person that talked about sex.  I usually kept that all to myself.  That was something that I wanted to keep my own.

“Thank you,” I whispered to Dee once we were out of earshot range.  I put my arm around her shoulders and laid my head on her shoulder.

“Sure not a problem.  Now what was I saving you from?” Dreana asked.  I laughed.

“An awkward moment.” She nodded and smiled.

I yawned as I walked with Dee toward wardrobe.  I was fussed over for almost an hour until they finally decided what I should wear.  I didn’t have much say in the matter despite what most think.  Dee was the one that had the final say and Justin and I had to sort of match.  We couldn’t be wearing anything that was complete opposites and clashed with one another.  I just sort of stood or sat there yawning and wanting all of this to be over with.

=

“What are you doing?” I asked as Justin grabbed my hands and started pulling me toward the back of my bus.  We’d been alternating which bus we would spend time in and tonight it was mine.

“You wanted to curl up in bed with me didn’t you?” He asked with a smile.  I smiled in response.  As we reached the back of the bus Justin put his arms around my waist.  He leaned down and kissed me.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.  He removed his arms from my waist and grabbed my hand.  He pulled me over toward my bed.  I giggled as we got closer.

I wasn’t sure why I’d become so giggly all of a sudden.  I guess it had to do with the fact that I was about to crawl in bed with Justin.  Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be in bed with him.  But I knew we weren’t going to do anything more than kissing.  How I knew that?  I wasn’t going to let anything else happen.  Cause if I did that would be the end of me.

I sat on the bed and slipped under the covers.  Justin did the same and looked over at me.  I crossed my legs under myself and smiled over at him.  Justin leaned over and kissed me.  Instantly Justin wrapped his arms around me and the kiss became a little more deep.  I didn’t have any problem with that.  We laid back on the bed as we continued to kiss.

I’d gotten lost in the kiss that I didn’t realize that Justin’s hand was up my shirt until I felt his hand stop on my breast.  I quickly stopped kissing him and pulled away.  I didn’t want this to happen.  Not at all.  Damn it, he was already getting to me.  I didn’t want his to happen this fast.  We’d only been going out for a week.  I wasn’t about the have sex with him.  Hell, I never had any intention of having sex with him.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked as he looked down at me.  I chewed on my lower lip and looked away for a moment.

“I…I’m not ready for this yet.  I mean, I don’t want to mess anything up.  It’s not that I don’t want to do this with you, I just don’t want to do it right now.  Not yet,” I said hoping that he’d go for it.  I mean in a way it was the truth.  I wasn’t ready to do this with him.

“That’s fine.  I don’t want to make you do anything that you don’t want to do.  I care about you too much.  We can wait,” Justin said as he kissed me lightly.  I smiled.

He was way too good for me.  I didn’t deserve him.  Not in any way.  I was a lying piece of shit and here he was saying that he cared about me.  Hell if I cared about him as much as I think I do then I should tell him the truth.  But I can’t bring myself to do it.  I can’t.  It would tear him apart.  It would tear me apart.  No I just have to bite my tongue and keep quiet.

Justin climbed off of me and laid next to me.  I wrapped my arms around Justin’s waist and rested my head on his chest.  All of a sudden I felt melancholy.  I knew why but hoped that Justin wouldn’t ask about it.  And he didn’t.  He just kissed me on top of the head and rubbed my back.

=Chapter Nine=This Just In=

Kenzie visiting someone in rehab or is she really there herself?

I about fell over when I read the headline of the latest gossip magazine.  I picked up the magazine and stared at the photo on the front.  It was an actual picture of Kenzie in rehab.

How in the hell did they get that?  Fuck, this isn’t good.

I frantically flipped through the pages until I found the page for the story.  I read through the story.  The whole thing was a bunch of made up stuff.  At least as far as I could tell.  Well except for the fact that Kenzie really was in rehab but that wasn’t the point.  I wanted to know who this ‘source close to Kenzie’ or this ‘close friend of Kenzie’ was.  The only people that knew about it, was our family, of course, a few people in management, and a few other people.  Other than that no one else knew.

I angrily stared down at the pictures.  Tears started to fill my eyes as I looked at the pictures.  I was upset with the photographer and the magazine for publishing them but I was more upset with myself for not see all the changes.  As they showed pictures of Kenzie over the last year you could see that she’d lost weight.  And she was always out partying and other changes that I was now beginning to see that I hadn’t before.

I shook my head and closed the magazine.  I placed the magazine back on the rack and scanned the others.  Several more of the gossip magazine’s had pictures of Kenzie on the front.  I wanted to scream.

How the hell did this happen?  This place was supposed to be top secret.  I have to call my mother.

I made sure my sunglasses were on my face and pulled my hat down a little more.  I didn’t want to deal with the paparazzi today but I knew they’d be waiting for me outside.  I hoped I could make it through them without any mishaps.  Making my way through the store was actually easier than I thought it would be.  Not many people recognized me.  It was the afternoon in the middle of the week so most were either at school or work.

Once I stepped outside I was attacked the by the paparazzi.  I just gritted my teeth and walked through the crowd toward my tour bus.  My bladder was the only reason I’d gone into the store in the first place.  The toilet on our bus was busted to I had to go into the store.  My pace quickened as I went through the crowd.  But they followed after me, so I quickened my pace even more and ended up in a sprint.  I finally reached the bus and knocked on the door.

Avery opened the door and I quickly climbed in.  The door closed behind me.  I flopped down on the couch and let out a small groan.

“Paparazzi get in the way?” Avery asked as he looked at me.  I rolled my eyes and sat up.

“You have no idea.  God, they’re annoying as hell.  You know what?  They’ve got pictures of my sister, in rehab.  How the hell did they get those?” I asked but by the end was practically yelling.  Avery laughed lightly but stopped when he realized the severity of all of this.

“Are you serious?  They’ve got pictures of Kenzie in rehab?” He started up the bus and started to pull out of the parking lot. “Lola, you know how vicious those paparazzi are.”

“More like stalkerazzi, if you ask me.  Av, what are we going to do about this?” I heard Avery laugh a little at my comment.  I rolled my eyes at him and glanced out the window.  They were still taking pictures.

“What’d you do now?  I told you I should have gone with you,” I heard Marty say as he walked to the front of the bus.  I shook my head and smiled.  I turned toward him.

“I didn’t do anything.  The paparazzi and the tabloids did it.  They have pictures of Kenzie in rehab.  They’re plastered all over the magazines.  I was asking Avery what we were going to do about it.  You got any ideas?” Marty sat down next to me and put his arm around me.  He rubbed my shoulder.

“I’m not sure there, Lola.  Call your mother, she’ll know what to do.” I nodded.  He was right I needed to call her.  I stood up and grabbed my purse from the table.  I rummaged through it until I found my phone.  As I flipped it open my phone rang.  I hit the send button and answered the call from my mother.

“I was just about to call you, what’s wrong?” I asked as I walked toward the back of the bus.  I sat down on my bed and folded my legs underneath myself.

“Have you seen the magazines?” I sighed.  She was calling for the same reason I had been.  I was relived that I wasn’t the only one freaking out about this.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going to call you about.  Mom, what are we going to do about this?  How could they do this?  I mean this place was supposed to be top secret.  How am I going to deal with all of the media attention this is going to get?” I questioned as my voice started to raise and my throat started to tighten.  Tears started to blur my vision.  This was terrible.  This wasn’t supposed to get out.

“Lola, calm down sweetie.  Take a few deep breaths.” I did what I was told. “I’ve already talked this over with Will.  We’re just going to have to do damage control for this.  There’s nothing we can do now.  Well I guess…we could always sue them but too many of them published the story.”

“Plus what would suing them do?  It wouldn’t do anything.  If I sued them I’d be called a money grubbing drug addict or something like that.  There’s no point in suing.”

“They wouldn’t call you a money grubbing drug addict and neither is your sister.  She’s getting help for her problem.”

“Yes Mom I know that but come on…suing will do nothing for us.  Plus they’re going to push this until they get an answer that they like.  Which is not going to be one that we like.  I’m not sure if I can handle this.” I shook my head and rubbed my face with my hand.

“You have to.  I know this is a tricky situation but you have to handle it.  Talk to Dee, she’ll know how to handle this.”

Ha.  You don’t know how tricky this whole situation is.

=

I’d discussed what to do with Dreana and we’d decided that we wouldn’t do anything at the moment.  We hoped at everything would calm down and the story would go away.  When in reality I knew it wouldn’t.  I guess it was just wishful thinking.  But of course I knew that they wouldn’t give up until they heard what they wanted to hear.  Which was me confessing that Kenzie was doing drugs.  I got my first taste of what it was like to try and counteract the drug allegations at my next interview.

“Now, Kenzie, as you’ve probably seen, there’s been pictures of you published of you in a drug rehab center.  Is it true that you’re in rehab for drug abuse?” A reporter asked.  She said her name was Kasie.  She actually didn’t look much older than me.  She had blonde hair that was curly and reached her shoulders.  Blue eyes were hidden behind her glasses that she pushed up every few minutes.

“If I was in rehab, how could I be here at the same time?” I asked as I titled my head to the side.

“Well, there are many celebrities that continue to work and go to rehab at the same time.”

“Yes, well, I’m not one of those celebrities.  I’ve never had a drug problem.”

“Then what were you doing at the rehab center?  Visiting a relative perhaps?” I shook my head lightly.  She was not going to give up on this.  I took a deep breath.

“If you must know, yes, I was visiting a relative.  Which they have asked to remain anonymous and I would really appreciate it if that information would stay anonymous.” I folded my hands in my lap and stared at Kasie.  I was relieved for a moment when she changed the subject.  The subject though would not have been my choice.  She started asking me questions about me and Justin.  Not about the tour but about our relationship.  I painstakingly answered her questions.

=

“I hate interviews,” I complained as I walked onto Justin’s bus.  He was sitting at the table with Trace.  He and Trace laughed.  I walked over and sat next to Justin.  He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed me lightly once I looked over at him. “How are you two today?”

“Pretty good.  Is Dee on your bus?” Trace asked.  I smiled and looked over at him.

“Yeah, she’s over there doing some business stuff.  Scheduling mostly, I think,” I said.  Trace smiled and stood up.  He started to gather his belongings. “Oh, by the way, she’s not in a happy mood today.”

“Why?”

“The press.  Making up stories about me.” He nodded like he knew what she was going through.  And I supposed that he did.  I knew a few stories about Justin had been published and they were completely false.

“So, what is so terrible about interviews?” Justin asked once Trace was gone.  I looked over at him and smiled.

“They’re so damn pushy.  Especially the girl I had today.  There are rumors going around that I’m in rehab for drugs.” Justin laughed. “I know, how can I be in rehab when I’m here with you?”

“I don’t know but,” Justin said then leaned down and kissed me, “I do know that, I’m glad you’re here.” I smiled.

“But I don’t think reporters are as annoying as the damned paparazzi.”

“I know, just try to ignore them.” I shook my head.

“That’s easier said than done and you know that.  How many times have you flipped them off in the last month?” I asked with a playful smile. 

“Oh shut up.  You can’t tell me you’ve never flipped them off before.” I shook my head.  Hell I’d only been dealing with the paparazzi for the last month.  They hadn’t pissed me off enough to do so.  At least not yet.  All though, I really wanted to punch them today, I held back.  Thankfully I did.  I don’t want to get sued by one of them, since they’re the money grubbing sons of bitches not me.

=Chapter Ten=Out Together=

I chewed on my lower lip as I began to pace the room.  I was about to step out in front of millions of people with Justin at my side.  Normally that wouldn’t be that big of a deal but we’d be going as a couple.  For the first time, well to the public at least.  We were finally going to show the world that we were a couple.

I fidgeted with my hair once I stopped pacing.  I looked in the full length mirror and sighed.  The reflection in the mirror didn’t look like me.  I mean it looked like me but not at the same time.  The outfit that I wore was something that I normally wouldn’t be caught dead in.  It was a low cut top that had an open back.  I smoothed the top and began fidgeting with the rest of my clothes.  I turned around when I heard the door open.

“Hey, baby what’s wrong?” Justin asked as he walked over toward me.  I smiled and shook my head.

“Nothing, just a little nervous,” I answered with a shrug.  Justin rested his hands on the small of my bare back and kissed me on the forehead.  The feeling of his hands on my bare skin caused my heart to skip a beat.

“You’re not going to get sick are you?” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“No, I’m not that nervous.  You’re not going to let me live that one down are you?” I asked as I looked up at him.  He gave me a big grin and shook his head.  I sighed and rested my head on his chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist.  We remained that way for several minutes not saying a word, just enjoying each others company.  I groaned a little when I heard someone knock on the door.  Justin and I both looked at the door as it opened.  Marty stood in the doorway.

“It’s time to go kids,” Marty said with a smile.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes.  He knew I hated being called kid, or kiddo or anything along those lines.  I heard Justin laugh lightly.

“All right, we’ll be there in a second,” Justin said.  Marty then left the room.  I looked up at Justin and smiled. “You ready for this, baby?” I bit my lower lip and nodded.  As ready as someone in my situation could be. “All right, come on let’s go.” Justin grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers together.  I smiled and followed him out the door as he guided me through the long hall.  I was fighting back the urge to turn and run.

I was scared beyond belief.  And to be honest, I wasn’t sure why.  I mean I’d appeared in front of people many times in the last month and a half.  I guess it had to do with the whole fact that everyone will know that Justin and I are dating.  Now every move we make will be documented.  Especially since we were the top selling artists of the year.  Well actually Kenzie was but that’s not the point.  So we were going to be watched like a hawk.

=

I took a deep breath as we got closer to the red carpet.  I could see the bright lights and crowds from a block away.  My heart started to race but I was actually feeling better than I had earlier.

“Hey, just think, after this event tonight we’ll have a whole ten days off,” Justin whispered in my ear.  My heart fluttered when his lips lightly brushed against my ear.  He kissed me lightly on the neck a couple of times.  I swarmed under his touch.  Every time he kissed me on the neck it sent a chill down my spine.  He let out a small laugh.  I glanced over at him and he kissed me on the lips.  I smiled.

Soon we were pulling up in front of the red carpet.  I took another deep breath and glanced at Marty.  He gave me the thumbs up sign.  I smiled and nodded.

“You ready, baby?” Justin asked.  I didn’t get a chance to answer him because the door to the limo opened and a loud roar of people rushed in.  Justin leaned over and kissed me one last time then climbed out of the limo.  He waved to the screaming crowd.  He turned and reached into the limo.  I took his hand and climbed out.  I interlocked our fingers right away.  I didn’t want to let him go.  I was too scared to.

The flashbulbs were going off like crazy.  I knew they all wanted to get the first picture of me and Justin together.  I smiled and waved to the crowd.  Justin and I started down the carpet.  I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Marty had made it out of the limo.  I let out a sigh when I realized that he had.  All right, I had Justin and Marty to protect me.

We made our way down the carpet and over toward a few interviewers.  Of course I got bombarded with questions about Justin.  I always did and probably always will for the rest of my life.  Well…maybe not me, but Kenzie will.  I could tell that Justin was getting the same treatment.  I had to smile when I saw him laughing and teasing the interviewer.  Soon we were finished with the interviews and walked into the main building.

Justin stopped me and pulled me aside.  He held onto my upper arms and looked down at me. “Are you all right?  Your not going to have an anxiety attack on me are you?” I couldn’t help but smile.

“No I’m fine but thank you for asking.” Justin smiled and kissed me lightly on the lips.

“All right, good.  Come on let’s go then.” Justin grabbed my hand as we began walking toward our seats.

=

I yawned and glanced over at Justin.  He had a smile on his face.  I couldn’t help but smile myself.

“You can’t fall asleep, not in the middle of the show,” Justin whispered as he leaned over toward me.  I shook my head and laughed lightly.

“And who says I can’t?” I asked.

“I do, and the fact that we have cameras on us all the time.  You want to be on the front page of all the magazines with your mouth hanging open while you’re sleeping.” Justin looked at me with a big smile on his face.

“I do no sleep with my mouth open,” I protested.  He laughed.

“Oh yes you do.  You snore too.” I stared at him with my mouth slightly open.  I couldn’t believe that he’d said that.

“I do not,” I mumbled and crossed my arms over my chest.  I looked away from him and at the stage.

“Oh come on, don’t be such a baby,” Justin whispered and kissed me on the cheek.  I fought back the urge to smile but it didn’t work.  A smile crept its way across my face. “Ha, I made you smile.”

“Shut up and watch the show.”

=

“And the winner for best female artist is…oh the suspense,” Scarlett Johansson said with a giggle as she opened up the envelope. “Kenzie Stevens.”

I looked up from the floor up at the stage and stared at myself on the big screen.  I busted up laughing seeing myself on the screen.

“Kenzie, that’s you.  Get your sweet ass up there,” I heard Justin say.  I looked over at him and laughed even harder.  He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  I stood up and started up on the stage.  As I walked down the aisle my stomach started to churn.  What was I going to say?  I had no idea who I was supposed to thank.  I guess I knew a few people, of course I was supposed to thank my family but I couldn’t very well say that I wanted to thank Kenzie, since I was supposed to be her.  I brushed my hair out of my face as I walked up the steps.

Scarlett handed me my award as I approached the podium.  I gave her a hug and thanked her.  She smiled and nodded.  I turned and looked out into the crowd.  I saw the large crowd staring back at me.  My mouth went dry.  I tried to open up my mouth and speak but nothing came out.  I licked my lips and took a deep breath.

Come on, you can’t stand here like a fool.  Speak, Lola, speak.

“Wow, I guess…I’m just speechless.  I didn’t think I’d get this award, especially up against such honorable women.  Well…I guess first of all I’d like to thank God, for giving me this gift.  Then my family, my manager, Will, my record company…oh man, I’m totally blanking on names. Uh…Justin, you’re wonderful.  I’m so sorry, uh…the fans, of course the fans, I have to thank them.  Because if it wasn’t for you guys I wouldn’t be here,” I announced.  At my last statement the fans in the arena started cheering.  I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you.” I held up my award and turned away from the podium.  I started backstage.

=

I was flooded with more flashes as Justin and I entered one of the after parties.  We weren’t going to stay long; at least I wasn’t going to.  I was tired.  All I really wanted to do was go back to the hotel room and go to sleep.  But I knew that I had to make a few appearances at least one after party then I could go back to the room and sleep.

Justin and I posed for a few photos then walked into the party.  I held onto Justin’s hand the whole time.  Like earlier in the day I didn’t want to let him go.  I was too scared to get lost in the crowd.  Even though I’d been in crowds for the last two months I was still terrified of them.  I was just able to hide it better now.  Justin squeezed my hand letting me know that he wasn’t going to let me go.  That he was here to protect me.  I slowly began to relax as we walked through the crowd of celebrities.  We stopped and chatted with a few here and there.

After about a half hour we actually reached a place where we could sit down.  Justin offered to get us something to drink.  He leaned down and kissed me then rushed off to get us something to drink.  I sat in the back corner of the large room when a guy came up to me and smiled.  I looked up at him and smiled.  I had no idea who he was.  Next thing I knew he was sitting next to me.

“Can I help you?” I asked as I stared at him.

“Nice one, Kenzie, how have you been?” He asked as he slipped his arm around my shoulders.  I reached up and removed his arm from my shoulders. “What is wrong with you?”

“I have no idea who you are.  So, please leave me alone,” I answered.  I turned away from the man hoping that he’d leave once he realized that I wasn’t going to talk to him.

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot that we were going to act like we don’t know each other.  Here just take this, I figured you were getting low,” he whispered as he handed me a small baggie of a white powder.  I looked down at it then at the man.  I shook my head.

“You can take it back.  I’m done doing that shit,” I said as I handed the baggie back.  He gave me a confused look. “Look I’ve stopped.  I don’t need it anymore.  I’m clean.  I haven’t done that stuff in months and I don’t need someone like you trying to push me into it again.  So please just leave.” He stared at me for a few more moments but then got up.  He walked away and mumbled something about me regretting it.  I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

So that was Kenzie’s drug dealer.  If he’s here that means that there are plenty of other celebrities doing it.  More than I thought but still not a surprise.

=Chapter Eleven=In Too Deep=

Justin wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder as we entered the elevator of our hotel.  I smiled and rolled my eyes.  He had become ten times more affectionate since we’d started going out.  Now don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment of it.  I’m a hopeless romantic.  Always have been and I suppose I always will be.  But there were times that it got annoying.  I felt his lips on my neck as soon as the doors closed.  I squirmed a little.

“Stop that,” I said and gave him a little nudge.  I glanced over at Marty and Tiny who were standing on the other side of elevator.  I mouthed that I was sorry to them.  Justin stopped and just rested his head on my shoulder.  After about a minute we were on our floor.  Marty and Tiny stepped out of the elevator first then Justin and me.

“If you two need anything we’ll be just down the hall,” Tiny said once we reached mine and Justin’s room.  I nodded.

“All right, good night guys.  We’ll see you in the morning,” I said as I slipped the key into the lock.  The little light flashed and indicated that we could go in.  I turned the knob and opened up the door.  Almost as soon as we were in the room Justin began attacking me with kisses.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  I knew he’d had a few drinks and he was a little loose.  I’d only had one and a half.  I didn’t want to drink too much because I knew it would keep me up.

Justin kissed my neck as we moved closer to the bed.  I really didn’t want him to stop but I was too tired to play with him like this.  His hands run up and down my skin.  Before things got too hot and heavy I had to stop it.

“Justin, baby, please stop.  I’m too tired.  All I want to do is go to sleep,” I said softly.  Justin stopped and rested his forehead against me.  I smiled.  He did the same then kissed me on the nose.

“Nothing like a mood killer,” Justin said then laughed lightly.  I shook my head and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I told you all I wanted to do when we got back was go to sleep.  You knew this hours before hand.  So don’t think that kissing me and groping me is going to change my mind,” I said as I tapped him lightly on the chest.  He laughed and kissed me on the forehead.

“All right, all right.  You can go to sleep,” Justin said but didn’t let go of me. “But I just want to tell you, that you were pretty damn sexy tonight.”

“Oh, and I’m not every night?” I asked knowing that I’d gotten him.  He smiled.

“Now, I didn’t say that and you know it.” I laughed and smiled.  I kissed him and pulled away from his grasp.  I walked over toward my bag and grabbed my pajamas.  I stepped into the bathroom and changed my clothes.  I washed off my make up and put my hair into a ponytail then walked back out into the room.  Justin was lying on the bed watching television when he looked over at me. “Damn it girl, how do you do that?”

“Do what?” I asked confused.  I had no idea what he was talking about.  I stood there looking at him.

“Look so damn sexy in just a tank top and shorts?” I bit my lower lip and looked down at the ground.  I hated it when he told me things like that.  It always embarrassed me.  I heard the bed creak as Justin got off the bed.  I looked up as he approached me.  I smiled and shook my head.  When he reached me he slid his arms around my waist and kissed me hard.

I instantly wrapped mine around his neck and pulled him down toward me.  The kiss started to get more intimate the longer we kissed.  I felt Justin pick me up and carry me over toward the bed.  But trying hard not to break the kiss.  He gently laid me down on the bed and reluctantly pulled away.  I opened my eyes and stared up into his blue ones.  He reached down and brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear.

Then he leaned down and kissed me again.  I didn’t realize that my shirt was off until I felt the cold air on my bare skin.  I wanted to stop but at the same time I wanted all of this to keep going.  I knew Justin could feel my conflict because he stopped kissing me.  He opened his eyes and looked down at me.

“Are you sure you want to do this?  We can stop if you want,” Justin whispered.  I bit my lower lip and looked away for a second.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this.  I knew if I did, it really would be the end of me.  I’d have to confess everything to him and I knew that I’d get rejected.  And he’d resent me for keeping such a big secret from him.  But being the selfish person I was, I was going to go through with this.  I wanted to.

“I want to,” I whispered just enough for him to hear me.  I stared at him and continued to chew on my lower lip.

“You’re not a virgin are you?” Justin asked.  I knew he was asking me that to make me laugh, which he did.

“Of course not,” I answered.  Which wasn’t a lie.  I’d slept with two other people.  One was a major cliché, my senior prom night.  The other had been a boyfriend that I’d broken up with six months before I agreed to pretend to be Kenzie.

“All right, well I was just checking, you never know anymore.” I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful smile. “Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just that…it’s been a while,” I answered.

“Well then, you just sit back and relax.  I’m going to take care of you,” Justin whispered in my ear.  I nodded.  He leaned down and started kissing my neck.

Several minutes later of kissing and groping each other we were both down to nothing.  I looked up at Justin and licked my lips.  This was it.  There was no stopping it now.  My heart started to race at the thought of me sleeping with Justin.  Justin kissed me as he slowly entered me.  I moaned softly against his lips.  We remained that way for a few moments then Justin continued.  We took it slow and easy.

Several minutes later Justin collapsed on top of me and rest his head on my chest.  We both laid there trying to catch our breath.  My head started spinning with all the scolding’s I was giving myself.  I shouldn’t have done this.  I was in way too deep and I was going to drowned myself if I didn’t get out soon.  But then that would seem wrong.  My thoughts were interrupted by Justin kissing my neck.  I came out of my daze and smiled.  Justin kissed me a few more times and moved off of me.  He laid down next to me and kissed my shoulder.

I stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath.  I had to stop acting like this.  Justin was going to suspect something if I didn’t start acting normal.  I rolled onto my side and faced Justin.  He smiled and brushed a few strands of hair out of my face.  He leaned over and kissed me.  Then he laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling.  I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his bare chest.  As I closed my eyes I took another deep breath and tried to figure out how I was going to tell Justin.  Within minutes I was fast asleep.

=

I woke up the next morning with the sun in my eyes.  I brought my hand up to shield my eyes.  As I shielded my eyes I looked around a bit.  I smiled when I saw Justin’s hands around my waist.  I looked over my shoulder and saw him fast asleep.  I watched him for a little bit then released myself from his grasp and got up.  I looked down at him and couldn’t help but smile.  He looked so cute.  I grabbed one of the loose blankets on the end of the bed and wrapped it around me.  I grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom.  As I shut the door I let out a loud sigh.

I leaned against the door and began to cry.  I wasn’t sure where the tears had come from but I knew that they had come and there was not way of stopping them.  I slid down and sat on the floor.  I brought my knees up to my chest and cried on them.  After several minutes the tears stopped.  I sat there for a few moments staring at the wall. 

This was not good.  Not good at all.  I was in way too deep and I had no way of getting out without hurting someone.  Whether that be me or Justin.  Dee was going to kill me if she found out about this.  But I knew there was no way of avoiding the subject.  I knew it would come up sooner or later.  My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.  I scrambled to my feet and stared at the door.

“Kenzie, baby, are you all right?” I heard Justin ask.  I nearly broke down in tears again when he called me Kenzie.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I’m just going to take a shower,” I answered as I slowly backed away from the door.  I held the blanket tightly around myself.  I reached over and turned on the water.  Watching the door the whole time for some reason.  I guess I just didn’t want him to come in and see me crying.  I knew if he saw me crying that he wouldn’t stop pestering me until I told him what was wrong.

Soon the water was warm enough and I climbed in.  Almost as soon as I was under the water the tears started to fall again.  Things were getting more and more complicated by the second and I wasn’t sure that I could handle anymore of it.

=Chapter Twelve=Distracted=

“Hey, baby, are you all right?” Justin asked as he rubbed my shoulder.  I came out of my daze when I heard him speak.  I looked over at him with a confused look on my face.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” I asked.  I could see that he was as confused as I was.  I’d been out of it since we’d slept together the night before.  My head was in the clouds.  I had been scolding myself since it had happened.  I knew there was no way for taking it back but I still felt terrible for actually going through with it.

“I asked you if you were okay.  Are you feeling all right?  You’re not coming down with something are you?” Justin asked as he reached over and felt my forehead.  Then he removed his hand and ran it through my hair.

“No I’m fine.  I’m just tired,” I answered.  Justin stared at me with a concerned look on his face.  I had to look away from him and down at my hands.

“This isn’t about the other night is it?  I mean, I can’t take what we did back.  If you didn’t know, that night was great,” Justin said but the last sentence was a whisper as he leaned in closer to me.  I couldn’t help but smile slightly.  I felt my cheeks getting warm.  Justin reached down and lifted my face up toward his.  The second I looked into his eyes the smile fell from my face. “You’ve been so distant, since we slept together the other night.  Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not, you were so sweet to me.  I don’t know, I guess…I don’t know how to explain it.  I’m fine.  I’m just tired from the tour, that’s all.  I promise.  Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I said as a forced myself to smile at him even though I was in no mood to smile.  I felt guilty and I knew that my guilt was only going to get worse.

=

I took a deep breath as we approached the front door of Justin’s parents’ house.  I carried my small bag over my shoulder.

We’d made plans that we were going to stay a couple days with Justin’s parents and then I was going to go back home.  So I could visit my family while Justin stayed in Tennessee and visited all of his family.  I was actually happy about this plan because I would get a few days when I could actually be the real me.

I looked around at my surroundings and smiled.  It was small town.  I could basically walk from one side of town to the other in only a few hours maybe less.  The leaves were starting to turn colors as autumn approached fast.  It had nearly been three and half months since I’d been pretending to be Kenzie.  It was hard to believe that I’d been doing this for that long.  It had only seemed like yesterday that I started.

I followed Justin into the house and set my bags down next to his when he left them next to the door.  He turned to his right and walked into the bright kitchen.  I stopped in the entryway and looked around the lower level of the house.  To the left of me was the living room, which was large and spacious.  The sunlight warmed up the room as it brought light in through the windows.  I couldn’t help but smile.  It reminded me so much of my parents’ house.  Warm and cozy.

“Hey, Kenzie, are you going to come in here or stare at the house like you’ve never seen it before?” Justin asked as he walked over toward me.  He wrapped his arms around my waist when I turned toward him.  I looked up at him.

“I’m coming.  I just forgot how cozy this house was.  It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” I answered hoping that he would buy my lie.  He nodded and kissed me lightly.

“Come on.” Justin grabbed my hand and lead me into the kitchen where I saw his mother baking.  I smiled.  I had always pictured her in the kitchen baking and here I was witnessing it for myself.

“McKenzie, how are you?” Lynn asked as she brushed her hand off on her pants and walked over toward me.  She pulled me into a hug.

McKenzie?  No one ever calls my sister McKenzie.  She won’t even let me call her that.  Even though I do it anyways but she hates it.

“I’m doing great, how are you doing Mrs. Harless?” I asked once she pulled away.

“McKenzie, I’ve told you before, call me Lynn.  I hate all that formal stuff, you know that,” Lynn said with a big smile.  I couldn’t help but smile myself.

“Right, sorry I forgot.”

“No need to apologize.  Now you two must be starving after flying all the way from Texas.  What would you like?” Lynn asked as she walked back around the island and stood there looking at me and Justin.  I glanced back at Justin with a smile.  I had no idea what to say.

“Uh…whatever you want to make.  I have nothing in mind,” I answered with a shrug.

=

I sighed as I glanced over at Justin, who was fast asleep.  How was he able to sleep?  Actually I knew how he was able to sleep.  He wasn’t the one with a secret like I did.  He didn’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I groaned lightly when I looked over at the clock.  It’s bright red numbers stared at me telling me it was two in the morning.

I couldn’t sleep.  Justin however fell right to sleep.  I knew there was no reason to lay in bed because I knew I couldn’t go to sleep.  I threw the covers off of myself and slipped on my slippers.  I walked to the window seat and grabbed Justin’s sweatshirt and slipped in on over my tank top.  As I walked out the door I heard Justin mumble something in his sleep.  I smiled a little and walked out the door.  I slowly walked down the stairs trying not to make a lot of noise.   I didn’t want to wake anyone up.  Once I reached the bottom floor I walked toward the back door.

The door squeaked as I opened it.  I cringed but continued to open it up until I could slip out.  I looked around and spotted a patio chair.  I walked over toward it and sat down.  I pulled my knees up to my chin and stared up at the night sky.

I must have gotten lost in the night sky because I didn’t hear anyone come outside until they were standing next to me.

“McKenzie, are you all right?” I heard Lynn ask as she laid her hand on my shoulder.  I glanced up at her and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Can’t sleep, that’s all,” I said with a small shrug.  Lynn smiled.

“Well, you mind if I join you?  I can’t either.”

“Sure, by all means,” I said with another smile.  Lynn pulled up another patio chair next to mine and sat down.  She folded her arms in her lap and looked up at the stars.  We sat there for a few minutes not saying a word even though I felt the need to tell Lynn my whole life story.

“So, things are getting pretty serious with you and Justin, huh?” Lynn asked.  I jumped a little when I heard her voice.  I hadn’t expected her to talk.  I chewed on my lower lip.

“Yeah,” I answered with a small smile.  I couldn’t help but smile, even though I knew that the last couple of days had been agonizing for me.

“He really likes you, McKenzie.” The smile fell from my face and my shoulders fell when she said my sister’s name. “I’ve only seen him like this with one other girlfriend and that was Britney.”

Oh great.  That makes me feel fantastic.  She broke his heart.

“Oh really?” I asked softly.  I wanted to know more but at the same time I wanted her to stop.  I didn’t want to hear about the fact that the more time I wasted the harder Justin was falling.  And the longer I waited the harder all of this was going to be.

“Yes, really.  Don’t underestimate yourself, McKenzie,” Lynn answered more motherly than she probably thought.  We both fell silent.

I glanced over at Lynn and smiled.  The moment that I’d met Lynn I felt that I had some kind of connection to her.  Maybe it had to do with the fact that we both wanted to protect Justin.  I hated lying to him but I wanted to keep this secret a secret for as long as I could.  On his behave.

“Just between you and me, he’s head over heel for you.” I nearly broke down crying when she said that.  I hated the fact that my emotions had gotten in the way of everything.  I shouldn’t have let this relationship get this far.  I shouldn’t even be here.  I should be home at school.

I forced myself to yawn and stretched lightly.  I set my feet down on the ground.  As I stood up I glanced over at Lynn.  I needed to get out of there.  I needed to get back upstairs.  If I stayed much longer I was going to break down.

“I think I’m going to head back upstairs.  I’m getting tired.” I folded my arms over my chest.  Lynn nodded.

“All right, goodnight.  See you in the morning,” Lynn said softly.  I said goodnight and walked back into the house leaving Lynn sitting in the backyard.  I slowly walked up the stairs and into the bedroom.  I slipped off Justin’s sweatshirt and my slippers.  As I climbed back into bed Justin rolled over.

“You all right, baby?” Justin asked groggily.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I just went downstairs to get something to drink.  Go back to sleep,” I answered and kissed him on the forehead.  I laid my head on my pillow as he scooted closer.  He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.  I smiled.  Justin wrapped his arms around my waist as he slipped back into sleep.  I watched him for a few moments then closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

=Chapter Thirteen=Tennessee Lullaby=

I rolled over and didn’t feel Justin lying next to me.  I opened my eyes and saw his side of the bed was empty.  I sighed and rolled onto my back.  I stared up at the white ceiling.  After lying there for a few minutes I finally decided to get out of bed.  I threw the covers off of myself and set my feet down on the carpet.  A yawn escaped as I stood up and stretched.  Before I headed down stairs I changed my clothes.

I looked around the room then walked downstairs.  I reached the bottom floor and didn’t hear anyone.  I looked around the living room and spotted a baby grand piano.  I slowly walked over toward it and smiled as I ran my fingers along the black surface.  It had been years since I’d played.  I’d taken lessons when I was younger but had given it up once I’d reached my teenage years.  I was more interested in becoming a doctor than a pianist, like I had when I was younger.

I slowly sat down and stared down at the keys.  I glanced around the room one last time to make sure that no one was in the room.  The keys were cold against my fingertips.  As soon as I heard the first note my hands fell into place playing a song that I’d learned.  It didn’t really take that much effort.  After several minutes I finished the song and smiled.

“I didn’t know you played the piano,” I heard Justin say.  I quickly turned around and looked at him.  I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

“I haven’t played in years…probably ten years,” I said as Justin walked over toward me.  He sat down next to me and kissed me on the forehead.

“Ten years, really?  Wow, then you’ve got some major talent.  I have trouble when I go a few months without playing,” Justin chuckled. “How’d it feel?”

“Really good,” I answered with a big smile.  I hadn’t realized that I’d missed it that much.  I looked down at the ivory.  Justin laid his hands on the keys and began playing a song.  I instantly knew the song.  It was one that Kenzie and I had played together when we were younger.  I joined in and played my part to the song.  After a few moments Justin stopped all of a sudden.  I noticed that he had and I looked over at him.  When I did he was staring at me with a goofy smile on his face. “What?  Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking about how beautiful you are.” I felt my cheeks getting hot and instantly looked down at the keys on the piano.  I looked back up at him a few moments later.

“You know, you say that a lot,” I said as I gave him a small nudge.

“I can’t help it.  You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Justin said with a smile.  He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.

“Well stop, you’re embarrassing me,” I said as I blushed again and playfully push him.  He just laughed and put his arms around me. “And since when did you become so affectionate?”

“When I met you.  You’re the reason I do a lot of things I never used to do.” I smiled and nodded.

=

“You want to go for a walk with me?” Justin asked as he grabbed my hand.  I looked up at him and nodded.

“Sure, why not?” I said with a shrug.  We stepped out onto the front porch of his parents’ house.  The smell of a fresh rain filled the air.  Justin lead the way down the walkway and down the sidewalk.

I looked up at the clouds above us.  They were dark and looked like they could burst into a down pour at any second.  We walked for several minutes without speaking.  Just enjoying each other’s company.

“Do you think it’s going to rain?” I asked as I looked over at Justin.  He looked up at the sky and studied it for a few moments.  Then he looked down at me.

“It’s possible but I think we’re fine.  We’ll be back home before it does.” We continued to walk without talking again.  Several minutes later we walked into a park.  It was deserted because of the impending rain.  Justin lead me over toward one of the benches and sat down.  I sat down next to him and looked up at the sky again.

The clouds were getting darker and it looked like it could rain at any second.  I looked back at the playground.  It was your typical playground, with a swing set, monkey bars, a slide and a few other play structures.  Justin slipped his arm around my shoulder.  I laid my head on his shoulder.

“So, what are you thinking about right now?” I asked as I looked up at Justin.  He smiled.  I knew that look.  I knew what his answer was going to be. “And don’t say, you’re thinking about how beautiful I am.  You’ve said that too many times.” I playfully nudged him in the side.

“You know me too well.  Now I have to think about something else,” Justin said as he reached over and poked me in the side a couple of times.  I squirmed as he did so.  I was ticklish on my sides and he knew that.  Which was probably why he was poking me there.  The smile on his face grew as he continued to poke me.

“Stop that,” I said between laughs but he didn’t.  I wiggled and squirmed enough that I got out of his grasp and stood up.  I looked down at him.  He stood up and stared at me not saying a word but I could see the evil look in his eyes.  I slowly began to back up as a smile crept across my face. “What is that look for?”

“What look?  I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Justin said with a devilish grin on his face.  I shook my head and continued to back away.  Once I was a safe distance from him and turned and began to run.  I glanced over my shoulder to see if he was behind me, which he was. “Get back here.”

“No, you’re going to tickle me to death!” I yelled over my shoulder.  I ran over toward the play structure and began to climbed the steps.  Justin was quickly approaching.  I laughed and scrambled toward the tube slide.  When Justin reached the top step I threw myself down the slide and rode it all the way to the bottom.  I reached the bottom and climbed out.  I looked up at Justin and stuck out my tongue.

“I’m going to get you for that,” Justin said as his smile grew.  He jumped into the slide.  I didn’t make any effort to run.  I was tired.  He reached the bottom and stood up. “You didn’t run.  No fun.” I laughed.

“What you want me to run?” I asked as I rested my hands on my hips.

“That’s what I thought we were doing,” Justin answered then shrugged.  He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me lightly on the lips.

A roll of thunder made it’s way across the dark sky.  I looked up as the rain began to fall on my face.  I couldn’t help but smile.

“I thought you said it wasn’t going to rain?” I teased as I looked at Justin.  He shook his head.

“So I was wrong, sue me.” Justin grabbed my hand and started walking back toward the house.  I shrugged. “Come on, let’s get home before we get too wet and one of us gets sick.”

“You’re no fun.” Justin just laughed at me and continued walking away with me behind him.  We were almost half way home when I decided that I didn’t want to go back to the house yet.  I stopped walking and looked up and down the street.  No cars were coming.  Justin stopped and looked at me.  I smiled and grabbed both of his hands. “Dance with me.  You have to dance in the rain.” I pulled him out into the street.

“Kenzie, cars could come at any second.  We could get hurt,” Justin said as he fought with me as I pulled him into the street.

“Oh don’t be such a baby.  Is Justin Timberlake afraid of being caught dancing in the middle of the street in the rain?” I asked as a big smile made its way across my face.

“There’s no music.”

“Who cares?  You don’t need music to dance.  Stop being a baby,” I said.  Justin continued to fight me on dancing in the street. “Fine then, I’ll dance with myself.” I let go of his hands and walked into the middle of the street and began twirling around.  I held out my arms and continued to spin.

“McKenzie, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Justin said as he stepped out into the street and grabbed me by the waist.  I looked up at him and smiled.

“I will not and don’t call me McKenzie.  You know I hate that,” I said as I poked him in the chest.

“If you hate it so much then why does my mother call you McKenzie?”

“I don’t know.  I guess it doesn’t bother me when she does.” I shrugged.  I grabbed one of Justin’s hands and interlocked our fingers together.  I let the other stay on my waist.  I began to twirl around with him.

“What are you doing?” Justin asked with a smile.

“I’m being the man, since you’re too much of a girl to do it.”

“Well someone has to be the woman around here.  You’re more of a guy than me sometimes,” Justin said with a straight face.  I just rolled my eyes and shook my head.  We danced like that for a few moments then Justin stopped. “All right, I can’t handle you leading anymore.  You can’t lead at all.”

“What do you expect, I am a girl.” I shrugged and laughed.  Justin placed both of his hands on my hips and I slipped mine behind his neck.  I laid my head on his chest.

I sighed.  This was going to be one of those moments that I was going to regret.  I was having so much fun with Justin.  I didn’t want to let go of this moment and get back to reality but the car coming down the road didn’t ask me what I wanted.  I heard a car honking and lifted my head and looked to my left.  A car was coming straight for us.  I sort of froze.  I felt Justin yank me out of the way and onto the sidewalk.  I began laughing.

“Kenzie, are you all right?” Justin asked as he placed his hands on the side of me face.  I continued to laugh and nodded. “I told you a car was going to come.  Luckily we got out of the way in time.”  After a few minutes I finally stopped laughing and sighed.  I looked up at Justin and smiled.  He was looking down at me with a smile on his face.

He reached down and brushed some hair out of my face.  His hand lingered and then made its way to the back of my neck.  Justin leaned down and kissed me.  The kiss lasted a few moments but Justin slowly pulled away.

“Kenzie, there’s something that I need to tell you...” Justin whispered softly as he kissed me on the forehead.

My heart began to race.  What was he going to tell me?  I hoped to god that it wasn’t what I thought he was going to tell me.  I wasn’t ready to hear those words.  I wasn’t ready for any of this.  None of this was supposed to be happening this fast.  Things were getting out of my control.  I was losing my grip on things.

“I’ll race you back to the house,” I yelled as I turned and began to run.  As I ran I heard Justin yelling at me but I didn’t stop.  I couldn’t stop myself from running.  This was not supposed to be happening.  I wasn’t ready for any of this.  This was getting too complicated.  I have to find a way to get out of this.  Before I get hurt or before he gets hurt.  That’s what will hurt the most.  Knowing that I was the one that cause all of the pain.

By time I reached the steps of the front porch my shoes and pants were soaking wet and covered in mud from running through the puddles.  I sat down on the steps and buried my head in my hands.  I began to cry.  Within seconds Justin was standing in front of me.

“What the hell was that?  I was trying to tell you something and you just turn around and run off,” Justin said angrily.  I looked up at him as the tears continued to fall.  The angry melted off his face once he saw me crying. “What’s wrong, baby?  Is something wrong?” Justin lowered himself on the step next to me.  I didn’t say anything as he wrapped his arms around me.  I just continued to cry.

=Chapter Fourteen=Home, Sweet, Home=

I let out a huge sigh of relief as I walked into the apartment.  I was home.  I was finally able to be myself for a few days.  I could be the real me.  I threw my bags on the floor next to the door and flung myself onto the couch.

“Home, sweet, home.  I’m finally home,” I said to myself.  I sat up with a start when I heard my phone ringing.  I reached into my pocket and smiled when I saw who it was. “Hey baby,” I answered.

“Hey, I take it you made it home all right.”

“Yes I did.  Just walked in the door.”

“All right, I just wanted to make sure you got home all right.  I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Okay.  See you then.” I flipped the phone shut before Justin could say anymore.  I had been a little tense over the last few days that we had spent together.

Justin never said anything about what he was going to tell me after he had seen me crying.  I was just worried that he’d say something about it again and I wouldn’t be able to stop him this time.  But I think he got the hint that I wasn’t ready to hear those words yet.  Actually I didn’t want to hear those words from him.  Because I knew that there would be no turning back if I heard those three little words.  Hell, there was no turning back now.  This were getting to a point where I was going to loose control of everything.  I was going to loose control of myself if I kept this relationship going.

I was going to have to end it soon.  The sooner the better, I’m afraid.  I don’t want to end it because I care about Justin a lot but I can’t keep living a lie.  I’ll have to tell him when I see him next.  Even though I’m dreading that moment that I have to tell him that we’re over.

=

I sat up when I heard a knock at the door.  I stared at the door for a moment but got up and opened it.

“Ellie, what are you doing home?  I thought you were in Japan,” I asked my best friend as I pulled her into a hug.

“I came back on the 15th.  I tried calling you but you never answered.  I was a little upset about it but now I understand.  Your mom told me about Kenzie.  I’m sorry,” Ellie said as she walked into the house and sat down in the chair that was in the room.  I shut the door and walked over toward the couch and sat down.

“Did she tell you everything?”

“Yeah.  She told me how you were pretending to be your sister.  How is that going?  I’ve noticed that things with you and Justin have gotten a little serious.  Are you going to keep that going once Kenzie gets back in the spotlight?”

“No, I can’t keep it going.  He doesn’t know,” I said softly as I looked down at my hands.

“He doesn’t know?  Lola, you have to tell him.  That’s something that you don’t keep secret from someone you’re dating.”

“I know and I feel terrible for it.  I scold myself everyday but there’s nothing that I can do.  I mean telling him now isn’t going to do us any good.  It’ll just make things worse.  He’ll hate me and probably Kenzie too for the rest of our lives.  I can’t do that to him.  I care about him too much.”

“If you care about him that much you have to tell him.  He needs to know.  How would you feel if you were in his shoes and someone you’ve been dating for several months tells you that?  Yes, you’d be upset but if you cared about them as much as he seems to care about you then you’d forgive them right?”

“Eventually.  I don’t know…I just can’t bring myself to tell him.  I’m scared.  I don’t want him to hate me.  Ellie, I know he will if he finds out about all of this.  I just have to break up with him.  That’s all.  That’ll fix all of this.  I have to do it before things become too serious.”

“Has he said that he loves you?”

“No but I think he tried to the other day but I ran away before he could.”

“How so?” I explained to Ellie what had happened at his parents’ house. “He’s in love with you girl.  Have you two slept together yet?”

“You dirty little girl.  You just want to know all of the damn details don’t you?” I asked with a laugh.

“Of course I do, I haven’t seen you in six months.  Of course I want to know every minor detail.”

“Not that it’s any of your business but yes we have.  Once,” I said with a smile.

“Was he good?” Ellie asked with an eager look on her face.

“I’m not going to tell you that.  You are way too excited about all of this.”

“He was that bad huh?” Ellie tilted her head to the side. “That’s too bad, I figured he’d be mind blowing good.” I laughed.

“I am not hearing this.  I am not hearing this.  We are ending this conversation right now.  I am not talking about me sex life with you,” I said as I covered my face with my hands.  Ellie began laughing.

“Come on, we talk about everything else.  Why not this?  You love him don’t you?” Ellie asked teasingly.  I removed my hands from my face and looked at her with a serious look on my face.

“No,” I answered.

“Not yet at least, right?” Ellie asked.  I stared at her for a moment.  I knew she was right.  If things continued as they were going I would fall in love with him.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I couldn’t let anymore happen between us. “Lola, I was only teasing you.”

“Yeah I know but it’s the truth.  If things keep going like they are, I’m afraid I will fall in love with him.  I mean, he’s practically said it himself.  The only reason he hasn’t is I stopped him when he tried.  Ellie, what am I going to do?” I buried my head in my hands.  I heard the chair squeak as Ellie stood up.  I felt the couch move as she sat down next to me.

“If you feel that breaking up with him is the only way then that’s what you have to do.  But please do not do it over the phone.  That’s so childish.” I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“I know.  I hate it when people do that.  You know Jake did that.  He broke up with me over the phone.

“Speaking of Jake, he called the other day wondering where you were.  He says that he’s sorry and that he wants to get back together with you,” Ellie said as she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe him?” I sighed.

“Sadly, yes I can.  He tried to get back together with me like a month after he broke up with me.  He said that he was sorry and that he loved me.  And that he wanted to get back together with me.”

“He said that he loved you?”

“Yeah, he never said it once when we were actually together.  He said that he realized that he had made a big mistake when he broke up with me.  And that he didn’t realize that he loved me until I wasn’t there with him,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“Boys, all they want is sex,” Ellie said as she shook her head.

“You’re telling me.  Justin tried to have sex with me after like a week of going out.” Ellie tilted her head to the side and gave me a big smile.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about your sex life with Justin.” I glared at her and pushed her away from me.

“Shut up, Ellie May.” Ellie’s mouth fell open.

“You did no just call me that.  You know I hate my full name.  I sound like a damn hillbilly when people call me that.”

“Isn’t that what you are?” I asked as I laughed.

“I’m just going to forget that you just said that.  But only this once,” Ellie said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Ellie, you know I love you.  I missed you so much,” I said as I pulled Ellie into a hug.  She hugged me back. “You don’t know how much I missed talking to you.  It’s good to be home and have someone that I can talk to with me.”

=

I groaned when I heard the doorbell ring.  I rolled over and stared at the front door.  Who the hell was ringing the doorbell?  I slowly got up and stepped over Ellie who was asleep on the floor next to me.   She’d slept over the last few nights so we could catch up with each other.  It felt like old times having her around.  I walked over to the door and opened it up.

“Oh I’m sorry, baby, were you sleeping?” Justin asked with a smile on his face.  He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips.

“What are you doing here?  I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” I said with a surprised look on my face.  I wasn’t expecting him to come home so soon.  It had only been like two days since I had last seen him.

“I missed you,” Justin said softly and reached for my hand.  He interlocked out fingers together.  He looked at me like he was about to say something but Ellie stopped him when she interrupted.

“Who’s at the door, Lo…loser?” I heard Ellie ask as she walked up behind me.  I had totally forgotten that she was even here.  But I was happy that she had interrupted at that moment.  I laughed.

“Ellie, this is Justin.  Justin this is Ellie my best friend from preschool.”

“Best friend since preschool, huh?  That’s a long time.  Sounds like me and Trace.  It’s nice to meet you Ellie,” Justin said as he held out his hand to shake Ellie’s.  Ellie smiled and shook his.

“Nice to meet you too, Justin.”

“Well, I guess I’ll be heading out,” Justin said as he turned his attention back to me, “I didn’t realize you had company.  I’ll see you tomorrow evening.  I have something special planned.”

“Like what?” I asked playfully.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Justin leaned over and kissed me. “It was nice meeting you, Ellie.  We’ll have to hang out sometime.” Ellie nodded with sort of a stupid grin on her face.  I couldn’t help smiling at her.  She was acting like I did the first time I had met Justin. “See you tomorrow, baby.” Justin kissed me one last time before he started to leave.  I waved. “Oh, wait, before I go.” Justin rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a card. “Here you and Ellie go shopping today.  On me.  Find something cute for tomorrow night.” Justin handed the card to me.  I looked down at it and my mouth fell open slightly.

“No, Justin, we couldn’t.  I have my own money.  I can buy something on my own,” I said as I started to hand the card back to him but he held up his hand.

“I know you do but please just use it.  I want you to use it.” I nodded.  I wasn’t about to argue with him again.  I was only going to protest once and then if he still told me to take it I was going to. “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Justin kissed me and then walked to his car.

I watched him pull out of the parking spot and leave the parking lot.  I slowly turned toward Ellie who also had the dumbfounded look on her face as I’m sure I had.  Ellie looked over at me and threw her arms around me.

“I love you, Lola.  I love you,” she blurted out.

“I love you too, Ellie.” I laughed and hugged her back. “Come on let’s go get dressed and then go shopping.”

=Chapter Fifteen=Unspoken Regrets=

“Are you sure about this dress, Ellie?” I asked as I looked at myself in the mirror.  It made me look like a old lady.  The style and cut of the dress was terrible.  I heard Ellie laugh from behind me.  I turned around and she was practically rolling on the floor laughing. “Ellie May, you are so mean.” I stormed off into the dressing room and changed into another dress that I had picked out.

As I slipped it on my heart began to race.  I began to think of what was so special about tomorrow evening.  It wasn’t any anniversary of any kind.  At least as far as I knew.  I looked at myself in the mirror once I had the dress on and couldn’t help but smile.

It was funny how comfortable I had become in my own skin.  I used to be very insecure about my body and myself but the past few months that had all changed.  Before all of this I wouldn’t have been caught dead in a dress like this.  The front of the dress was low cut and there was no back to the dress.  It reached a few inches about my knees.  The dress was a dark blue green.  I opened up the door to the dressing room and stepped out.

“Oh my god, Lola, that looks fantastic on you.  Are you sure about that dress?  I mean…since when did you wear stuff like that?” Ellie asked as she walked over toward me. “Spin for me.” I slowly spun around with a big smile on my face. “You look beautiful.  That dress is perfect for you.”

“I know, I love it.  I think this is the one,” I said as I walked over toward the other set of mirrors.  I stared at myself in the mirror.  I didn’t looked like myself.  At least not who I used to be.  But then again I was pretending to be Kenzie so I couldn’t look like myself.  That would give it away.

“Are you sure about it?  I mean look at the cut.  You hate dresses like that,” Ellie said softly.  I turned around and looked at her.

“That’s the funny thing, Ellie.  I feel comfortable in this dress.  I don’t know.  I guess things have changed the last few months.  I guess this having to pretend to be Kenzie has helped my self esteem.  I’m so much more confident now.”

“Well you sure as hell look more confident.  But are you sure about it?” Ellie asked.  I put my hands on my hips and laughed at Ellie.

“Ellie May, are you trying to talk me out of getting this dress?” I asked with a big smile on my face.  Ellie’s mouth fell open and she frantically shook her head. “Yeah, sure.  You just want me to put it back on the rack so you can have it.

“I would never do such a thing.” Ellie smiled.  I nodded.

“Uh huh sure, just like you said that you would never cut my hair that one time when we were playing salon.  Then you took a big chunk of my hair out.”

“Hey, that’s not fair.  We were like seven.” I laughed and walked back toward the changing room.

=

I looked at the clock when I heard the doorbell ring.  Then I looked over at Ellie who was sitting on my bed watching me get ready.

“What is he doing here so soon?  I’m not ready yet.  Go distract him for a while.  I’ll be down in a few,” I said as I pulled Ellie off of my bed and pushed her toward the door.

“What am I supposed to talk to him about?  I’m afraid I’ll spill the beans.” Ellie turned around and stood in the doorway.  I smiled.

“You’ll be fine.  I’ll be down in like five minutes, you can handle talking to him for five minutes can’t you?” Ellie nodded and left the room.  A few moments later I heard her answer the door.  She explained to Justin that I was just finishing getting ready.  I went over toward the mirror in my room and fidgeted with my dress and hair.  I checked my make up and slipped on my shoes.  Made one final check to make sure everything was in place then started down the stairs.

“You should have seen Kenzie when we were kids…she was always a klutz.  There was this one time when…” Ellie began to explain a story of how I’d wrecked her birthday cake when I’d carried it in from the kitchen.  I’d tripped over my own feet and the cake went flying.  She’d hated me for like two days.

“Ellie May, are you telling horror stories about me?” I asked as I continued down the stairs.  Justin and Ellie turned and looked at me.  I smiled when I saw Justin’s mouth fall slightly open.

“No, not horror stories.  Just true stories, McKenzie,” Ellie said with a small shrug.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes.  I reached the bottom step and looked over at Justin.

“Wow, you look fantastic,” Justin said as he leaned over and kissed me.  My cheeks started to feel warm as I looked down at the ground. “You ready to go?” I looked back up and nodded.  Justin grabbed my hand and looked at Ellie. “You’ll have to tell me some more stories about Kenzie later.”

“I’d love to.  Have fun guys.” Ellie walked with us to the door and stood in the doorway as we started toward Justin’s car. “Hey, Kenzie, don’t forget to use protection,” Ellie yelled.  My mouth fell open and I glared at Ellie over my shoulder.  Justin just laughed.

=

“What are we doing back at your house?  I thought we were going out,” I asked as we pulled into Justin’s driveway.

“You’ll see.  Come on,” Justin said as he parked the car and began to climb out.  I sat there trying to figure out what was going on.  Justin reached my side of the car and opened up my door.  He held out his hand for me.  I smiled and placed my hand in his.  He helped me out of the car and guided me up the steps to his front door. “Okay, now you need to close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes?  What is going on here?” I asked as I gave him a confused look.  What in the world had he planned?  He wanted me to close my eyes.  Why would he want me to close my eyes?  If I close them I won’t know where I’m going. “If I close my eyes I won’t be able to see.”

“I’ll guide you into the house.  Just come on, close your eyes, please,” Justin said sweetly.  I gave him one last confused look then closed my eyes.  I hated not knowing where I was going as I heard Justin open the front door.  He grabbed a hold of my hands and slowly began to lead me into the house.

“Can I open them yet?  I hate not being able to see,” I protested.

“Not yet, we’re almost there.” We walked a few more steps then stopped. “Okay, you can open them now.” I slowly opened my eyes and my mouth fell slightly open.  A small candle lit dinner was set up.  I couldn’t help but smile.

It was so beautiful and corny at the same time.  I had always thought that something like this would be fantastic but never thought I’d have someone that would do something like this for me.  Now that it had happened I couldn’t help but feel like I wanted to bust up laughing.

“What do you think?” Justin whispered in my ear.  He left a few kisses on my neck before placing his arms around my waist.

“It’s beautiful but what is all of this for?” I asked as I turned toward him.  He smiled and kissed me lightly on the lips.

“Can’t I just have a peaceful dinner with my girlfriend?” He asked.  I smiled and nodded.  Justin reached up and rested his hand on the side of my face.  He leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead then on the lips.  The kiss lasted a few long moments. “I love you.”

My head began to spin.  Did he just say what I thought he just said?  Did he say that he loved me?  Oh shit, this is not good.  This was not supposed to happen.  Not now.  Not ever.  I was supposed to end this before it got this far.

I began to feel lightheaded and reached out for something to hold onto.  Justin was the closest thing and I held onto him tight.

“Whoa, Kenzie, are you all right?” Justin asked as he guided me over to one of the dining room chairs.  I slowly sat down and stared at the ground.  I had to get my focus back.  I had to stop breathing so fast.  I had to calm down. “Baby, Kenzie, are you all right?” Justin knelt down in front of me and lifted my head toward his.  My eyes met his and I nearly broke down in tears.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I don’t know what came over me.  All of a sudden I got dizzy but I’m all right now,” I answered hoping that he would believe me even though I was far from being all right.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Justin asked with a concerned look on his face.  I took a deep breathe and nodded. “Okay, good.  I’d hate for something to happen to you.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.  I love you.”

I sat there staring at Justin for a moment.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  I mean in a normal situation I’d say that I loved him too but this wasn’t a normal situation.  In a normal situation I wouldn’t be harboring such a big secret.  I wouldn’t feel like shit right now.  I wouldn’t feel like I was betraying Justin.  Against my better judgment I heard myself say the three words that I never thought I’d say to Justin.

“I love you, too,” I whispered as a smile crept its way across my face.  Justin leaned in and kissed me hard.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and he placed his on the small of my back.  He pulled me closer to him.

=

Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?  I’ve just fucked everything up.  There is no way I’ll be able to get out of this whole thing without hurting someone.  I knew it wouldn’t be right of me to break it off now.  Especially since he’d confessed his love for me and the fact that I’d done the same.

“That was fantastic,” Justin whispered in my ear then began kissing me on the neck.  I continued to stare up at the ceiling.  My head was a complete mess.  I was a complete mess.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to crawl into the corner and hide, all at the same time. 

I wanted to confess everything to Justin but I knew I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him like that.  But I also knew that the longer I held all of this in the more it was going to hurt both of us.  Knowing that, I still couldn’t bring myself to tell the person that I loved that I was a complete fraud.  That I wasn’t who he thought I was.  I was just some med student that wanted nothing to do with the limelight.  I was just some girl that was scared out of her mind.  For myself and for him.

Before I knew it the tears started to come.  I couldn’t keep them contained anymore.  I tried to fight them back but they wouldn’t comply.  I didn’t want Justin asking what was wrong.  I didn’t want to have to answer him because I knew that I would spill everything to him.  I knew that if I opened up my mouth that I wouldn’t be able to stop talking.

Justin stopped kissing me when he realized that I was crying.  I wrapped my arms around his waist and began to cry on his chest.  He didn’t ask me if I was all right.  He just let me cry and rubbed my bare back as I continued to cry.

I did not deserve someone like this.  I didn’t deserve anyone.  Justin deserved much better than me.  Justin deserved someone that would tell him what was going on.  He deserved someone that would treat him better than this.  He deserved someone other than me.

=

“I’ll see you later.  I love you,” Justin said as he kissed me goodbye.  I forced myself to smile and kissed him back.

“I love you too,” I said almost scared to say the words.  I was afraid that I was never going to get out of this situation.  I was afraid that I was going to be Kenzie for the rest of my life.  I knew there was no way I could go back to being the real me.  Because that Lola did not exist anymore.  She was lost and would likely never be found again.  She was more or less dead.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.  I stared up at him.  Did I dare tell him the truth?  Did I dare tell him everything?

“Nothing.  I’m just tired.  You know how I get when I drink wine.  I’m loopy as hell.  Plus I have a little bit of a headache today.  Nothing to worry about.  I’ll be fine,” I explained hoping that he’d believe me.  Actually not all of it was a lie.  I did have a headache but that was from being scared out of my mind.

“All right, if you say so.  I’ll call you later today to check up on you.” I nodded as Justin leaned down and kissed me one last time before he released me from his grasp. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I answered and turned toward my apartment.  I started walking toward the door in my bare feet.  I carried my shoes in my hand and my purse in the other.  Before I even got to the door it opened and I saw Ellie standing in the doorway.

“So, what happened?  He didn’t walk you to the door?  How ungentlemanly,” Ellie said as she laughed a little.  I just looked at her as I walked into the house.  I threw my shoes and purse at the stairs and fell onto the couch. “What happened?  Did everything go all right?” I didn’t answer her.  I laid my arms over my face and closed my eyes. “Are you okay, Lola?  Did something happen?” Ellie closed the door and sat down on the edge of the couch.  I moved my arms from my face and looked at her.

“I love him,” was all I said.  She sat there staring at me for a moment.  I wanted to scream.  I threw my hands over my face. “Can you believe that, Ellie?  Can you believe it?  I love him.”

“Do you love him, love him?  Or is it just an infatuation kind of thing?” Ellie asked after a few long moments of silence.

“I love him, love him.”

“As in you want to marry him.  As in his and her towels?” Ellie asked as she smiled a bit.  I rolled my eyes and looked at her.

“You stole that from a movie.  But yes, at least I think so.  Ellie, I don’t know.  This is all just so complicated.  I have to end this now.  I can’t take anymore of this.  I can’t take lying to him like this anymore.  I can’t keep lying to the world,” I said as I sat up and stared at Ellie, “Hell, I’m lying to myself.  I hardly know myself anymore.  I have no idea who this person is.  The real me wouldn’t do something like this.  The real me wouldn’t be such a lying bitch.  The real me would rather be studying.  The real me would be stressing over her term paper that is coming up.  The real me wouldn’t be in this situation.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

=Chapter Sixteen=Unwanted Surprises=

“What do you mean you think you’re pregnant?” Dreana asked me.  I chewed on my lower lip and stared at the ground. “It’s either you are or your aren’t.  And let’s pray to god that it is you aren’t.  Because if your are pregnant, Lola, I will have to kill you.”

“I’m not sure.  I haven’t taken a test yet.  I’m just late that’s all.”

“How late?” Dee asked as she stopped pacing and looked at me.  I could feel her hard stare on me even though I was still looking at the ground.

“A few days.  I mean it’s not that big of a deal.  Except I haven’t felt good for the last week.  I’ve gotten sick a couple of times.” Dreana shook her head and sat down next to me.  She put her head in her hands.

“Lola Rachelle, what am I going to do with you?  First you tell me that you’re in love with him.  Now you tell me you might be pregnant with his child.  Are you trying to kill me?” I just sat there staring at the dark blue carpet of the green room at the latest show that I was being interviewed for. “All right, here’s what I’ll do, I’ll go to the store during your interview and get a pregnancy test.  As soon as you’re done with your interview you take the test.  If it comes back negative then great.  If not…well, then we deal with it then.”

“Okay,” I said softly and nodded.

“But I do not want you to say a word to Justin.  Not one word about this, you hear me, Lola?” I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded lightly.  Dee and I looked up at the door when we heard someone knock. “Yeah?”

“I just came to tell you, Kenzie, you’ll be on in five minutes,” a young woman that wore a headset said as she peeked around the door.  I nodded.

Things were not going well.  I was scared out of my mind.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want to bring a baby into the world like this.  Especially like this.  If I really was pregnant then I’d have to tell Justin everything because I wouldn’t be able to keep living a lie.  I’d have to tell him everything and I know that he would hate me for it.  He’d wouldn’t want anything to do with the child.

Or if he did he’d probably try to get custody of the baby.  Which I don’t think I could handle.  Not being able to see my own child.  That would tear me apart.  I just pray to god that I’m not pregnant.  I can’t take that on top of everything.  I would much rather die right now than be pregnant.  Well okay, maybe not but I would rather not be pregnant.

The more I thought about it the more scared I got.  The more my stomach started to churn.  I buried my head in my hands and began to cry.  I didn’t think I had anymore tears since I’d cried most of the morning after I realized that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant.

I felt Dee wrap her arm around my shoulders.  I leaned over onto her and continued to cry.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want any of this to happen.  I just wanted to go back to being me.  The real me, Lola Stevens the med student.  Not Lola Stevens the liar.

“Hey, Lo, you need to stop crying.  You’ll mess up your make up,” Dreana whispered as she rubbed my back.  I nodded slightly but didn’t stop. “You need to stop, it’s bad for the baby…that is if you’re pregnant.”

The thought of me being pregnant terrified me.  The thought of telling my parents.  The thought of telling Justin.  The thought of telling everyone terrified me.  The thought of having to explain to everyone what was going on terrified me.  Everything terrified me at the moment.

=

“Kenzie, baby, are you feeling all right?” Justin asked as he rubbed my shoulder.  I glanced up at him and nodded slightly.  I then looked away.  I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore.  Not now at least. “You’re lying to me.  I thought we were past the stage where we lie to each other.” He let out a small laugh.

Oh god, he’s bring up lying.  Oh I could tell him a big secret that I know he wouldn’t like.  I bit my lower lip to keep myself from crying.  And also to keep myself from spilling the beans.

“I’m fine, really.” I continued to look the other way.  I felt Justin turned me toward him and I was forced to look up at him.  My eyes met his and I broke down.  Yet again the tears came.  Yet again I was an emotional wreck.  Actually I’d been an emotional mess since the day I agreed to do this for Kenzie.

“What is wrong, baby?” Justin asked as he pulled me in closer to him.  I wrapped my arms around his waist as I cried on his chest.  He rubbed my back as I continued to cry.  Then I thought of the baby.  I still wasn’t sure if I was pregnant.  Dreana wasn’t able to go to the store.  She had to go to a meeting with management.  And I didn’t dare go to the store and pick one up myself.  It would be all over the tabloids that I was pregnant. “What is the matter?  Please tell me.  I feel so useless.  I want to help.  Can’t I do something?” I shook my head.  Justin sighed and kissed me on the head. “All right.  I love you.”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out before I even know that I had said it.  I slowly looked up at Justin.  He didn’t have any kind of emotion on his face.  I bit my lower lip. “Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard you.  You’re…pregnant,” Justin answered as he looked down at me.  I wiped the tears off my face and looked down at the ground.

“Well…technically I don’t know yet.  I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet.  Dee was supposed to get me one after the interview earlier today but then she had to go to the meeting.  And I don’t want to go down there.  So I might be pregnant, I might not,” I explained as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.  Justin remained silent for a long time.  I looked up at him.  He still didn’t have an emotion on his face.  I started to cry again.  I buried my head in my hands.  Justin instinctively wrapped his arms around me again.  After a few moments I looked up at Justin. “I’m scared.”

“I know.  I am too,” Justin said softly and kissed me on the forehead. “We’ll get through this.  Hopefully we’ll find out soon.” I nodded and rested my head on his chest.  I could hear his heart, it was racing.  As mine was too.

=

I stared up at the dark ceiling.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was wide awake.  I couldn’t even close my eyes.  I knew Justin was lying next to me wide awake also.  I sensed that he wasn’t asleep.

“Justin, what if I really am pregnant?  What are we going to do?  I mean…you really think either of us have time for a baby.  Hell we hardly have time to be alone together anymore.  How are we going to raise a baby?” I asked as I continued to stare up at the ceiling.

“I’m not sure,” Justin answered.  He hadn’t talked much since I’d told him that there was a chance of me being pregnant.  I hated not knowing.  I needed to find out whether or not I was pregnant.  I just prayed to god that I wasn’t.  That would mess everything up.  Even worse than what it is right now.  Which I never thought it could get much worse.  That is until the question of me being pregnant came into the picture.

“How are we going to tell our parents?  God, my mother is going to kill me, if I’m pregnant.  The media is going to have a field day with this.  What if we have more than one?  What are we going to do then?  Are we going to have to move in together?” I asked even though I knew he didn’t know the answers anymore than I did.

“I don’t know.” I turned my head and stared at Justin.  He was staring at the ceiling like I had been.  He was starting to frustrate me.  He wouldn’t talk to me.  He’d been almost mute since I told him about the possibility of me being pregnant.

“God damn it, would you say something other than ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’?” I practically yelled as I sat up in bed and turned toward Justin.  He looked over at me.

“Well, what the hell else do you expect me to say?  Fuck, Kenzie, you might be fucking pregnant.  You know damn well that neither of us have time for a baby.  You said it yourself.  I don’t know what to say to all the damn questions you’re asking me.  Hell I don’t know the answer to anything right now.  My head is so fucking screwed up right now,” Justin yelled as he sat up and got a few inches from my face.

“You have no idea what it’s like to have your head messed up.  Trust me,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.  I shook my head.

“Never mind,” I answered and threw the covers off of myself.  I started to climb out of bed but Justin grabbed my arm before I got out of his reach.  I tried to pull out of his grasp; he just tightened his grip. “That hurts, let go of me.  Don’t make me hit you right now.  Because I’m mad enough that I will.  Now let go of me.” Justin loosened his grip and I pulled my arm away from his hand.

“McKenzie, talk to me.” I stood up and turned toward him.

“Oh now you want to talk.  Well too damn bad, talk to your damn self.  I don’t want to talk to you right now.  Hell, I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now,” I yelled as I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him.  I started to storm off toward the door.

“Why are you being such a bitch right now?” Justin asked as he climbed out of bed.  I stopped and turned around.  I stared at him.

“Why are you being such an asshole right now?  Just leave me alone.  I want nothing to do with you right now,” I answered and left the room.

=

“Come on, baby, I said I was sorry.  It’s just the stress off all of this,” Justin explained as he reached over and placed his hand on my knee.  I continued to look the other way.

“You called me a bitch.  I’m not a bitch.  I’m just a little emotional right now,” I said as I looked over at him.

“Hey, I think we’re even, you called me an asshole.”

“Well, you were being one.  You wouldn’t talk to me.  I felt like you didn’t care about me.  I felt like I had to force an answer out of you.  And I never got a real answer.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.  I love you.” I smiled.

“I love you too.” Justin leaned over and kissed me.

=

I walked out of the bathroom with the test in my hand.  Justin sat nervously on the couch.  He looked up when I came into the room and looked at me anxiously.  I sat down next to him.

“So?” He asked once I had sat down.

“I don’t know.  We have to wait for the little line to show up.  The box says it could take up to a few minutes to give us the results.” Justin nodded.

“Kenzie?” I over at him. “I love you either way.  If this test comes out positive we’ll take care of this baby together.  If it comes out negative then I guess we’ll just have to be more careful.  But I just wanted you to know that regardless what that test says I love you.” I sighed.

“I love you too,” I said just above a whisper.  Justin leaned over and kissed me.  I looked down at the test strip and waited for the little line to show up.  After a few moments the line showed up and I sighed with relief when I saw that it was the color that I’d hoped it would be.

“What does that mean?” Justin asked as he looked back and forth between me and the test.  I smiled and looked over at him.

“It means that I’m not pregnant.  We’re not having a baby.” A smile made it’s way across Justin’s face.  He leaned over and kissed me hard.  I laughed once I pulled away from his lips. “Wow, I never thought you’d be that happy about me not being pregnant.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have children with you but just not right now,” Justin explained.  I smiled and nodded.

He had no idea how much I understood what he was saying.  I would love to have children with him but I knew that would never happen.

=Chapter Seventeen=Close Call=

“Mom, Dad?” I asked as I stepped into my parents’ house.  I shut the door behind me and began to walk through the house. “Emmy, Hayden, where are you guys?” I walked into the kitchen and stopped dead in my tracks.

I saw my parents, Hayden, Emmy and Kenzie standing in the kitchen.  They were all staring at me.  My eyes instantly went to Kenzie.  She was out of rehab.  She could finally take over her job.  I would finally be relieved of all of this madness.

“Kenzie,” I practically yelled and ran over toward her.  I threw my arms around her.  I could hear my family laughing at me but I didn’t care.  I was so overjoyed that I would be able to go back to having a normal life.  I would be able to go back to school and finish my degree.  I would be able to be me again. “You look fantastic.  And your hair, you cut it.  It looks cute.”

“Thank you.  You look good too.  How have things been?” Kenzie asked.  I held her out at arms length and looked her up and down.  She did look good.  She looked much better than she did before she left for rehab.  She looked like her old self again.  The Kenzie that I knew.  The one that Hollywood had fallen in love with.

“Things are going good,” I answered.  I didn’t really feel like going into the details at the moment.  I knew Kenzie would pester me until I told her every minor detail. “So when are you going to take back over?”

“Well…” Kenzie started to say but stopped.  She chewed on her lower lip and glanced over at our mother.  I stared at Kenzie then looked over at Mom.

The moment that Kenzie looked over at our mother I knew.  She wasn’t going to be coming back for a while.  Mom probably wanted her to take a few more months off and get adjusted to being in the real world.  She wanted to make sure that Kenzie was going to be all right without being supervised.  But at the same time she wanted to keep an eye on Kenzie.

“You’re not coming back are you?” I asked as I looked back at Kenzie.  She looked down at the ground then back up at me.

“I will but…not just yet.  Just a few more months as me.  That’s all,” Kenzie explained.  The tone in her voice sounded like she was scared that I was going to tell her no.  Which of course I wasn’t going to do.  If Kenzie wanted me to do this for her a little while longer then I would.  It would give me more time to break it off with Justin.  Even though I knew every second I kept this up the harder it would be to end it.

“All right,” I said with a sigh, “but I will not pretend to be you for the rest of my life.  You will have to take it back over.  Since it is your life.  Not mine.” Kenzie nodded.

=

“What do you mean you’re in love with him?  Lola, you can’t be,” Kenzie said as she stared at me.  I fidgeted with the hem of my tank top.  Kenzie were sitting in the living room of our apartment talking.  We had been for the last two hours.  She wanted to know everything that had happened since she had left.

“Apparently I can be.”

“Have you two slept together?” Kenzie asked.  I chewed on my lower lip and nodded.  Kenzie sighed. “How many times?”

“I’m not telling you that.  You’re getting really nosey,” I answered as I folded my arms over my chest.

“Well, what the hell do you expect me to do, Lola?  I have to take this all over and I have to know every damn detail.  So I have to know how many times you’ve slept together,” Kenzie explained.  I shook my head.

“You don’t have to worry about it.  I’ll have broken up with him before you come back,” I said as I looked down at the ground.  I hated the fact that I had to break up with Justin.  But I knew it had to be done.  There was no way that I could get around it.  Well except of course telling him what was going on but I seriously doubt that he would keep me around after I told him.  I knew he’d feel betrayed.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean.  We’ll be long over with before you come back.  I’m breaking up with him soon.  I’m calling it all off.  That’s the only way that all of this will work out.”

“You could always tell him what is going on.” I looked up at Kenzie and gave her a confused look.

“Did they brainwash you there in rehab?  Do you really think that he’ll want to stay with me after hearing that the person that he loves is not really who she says she is.  She’s actually her twin sister.  She’s actually the shy one.  She actually wants nothing to do with the limelight.  She’s just a med student.  You really think he’ll want to stay with me after hearing what I have to say?  Kenzie, I’ve been lying to him for the last six months.  I seriously doubt that he’ll be all open arms around this whole situation,” I said annoyed.

She was really starting to frustrate me.  She had this everything is going to all right kind of attitude.  When in reality everything wasn’t going to be all right.  Everything was falling apart in front of me.  And I had no way of getting it back together.

“You never know,” Kenzie responded.  I rolled my eyes and stood up.  I started toward the kitchen.  I needed something sweet.  I needed something that I really shouldn’t be having.  I reached the fridge and opened up the freezer.  Ice-cream.  That would work.  Ice cream always worked.  I grabbed the half gallon container and took off the lid.  I threw it on the counter.  I grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and began eating the ice cream out of the container.  I walked back over to the chair and flopped back down as I continued to devour the ice cream. “Lola, are you listening to me?  Maybe his love for you could change all of this.  Maybe…”

“Damn it, Kenzie, you’re making all of this sound like some damn fairytale.  Maybe love will conquer all.  You know what, fuck love.  Fuck it all,” I yelled as I shoved the spoon into the ice cream.  I had suddenly lost my appetite for ice cream.  I tossed the container onto the coffee table.  It tumbled to the floor.  I sat there staring at the ice cream as a little bit of it hit the carpeted floor.  Kenzie jumped up and scooped up the ice cream.

“What the hell is your problem, Lola?  I’m just trying to help.  I figured you’d be happy to hear my advice but I was surely mistaken.  I’m going to bed,” Kenzie said as she carried the ice cream to the freezer.  She placed the spoon in the sink and set the lid back on.  Then placed the ice cream back in the freezer.  I watched Kenzie walk up the stairs and heard the door to her room shut.  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

=

I walked up the pathway to Kenzie’s apartment.  The apartment that she supposedly shared with her sister.  The sister that I had never met.  Or even seen a picture of for that matter.  I was beginning to wonder if she even existed.  Lord knows I show off pictures of my brothers all the time.  I can’t even remember what she said her sister’s name was.  It started with an “L” I think.  I’m not even sure.

I finally reached the door and straightened my jacket before I knocked.  I heard movement behind the door.  I figured I had startled Kenzie somehow.  She was always so jumpy.  She never used to be.  It was only until recently that she was.  To be honest, she’d changed a bit in the last month.  She always seemed to be more on the edge.  I wasn’t sure what that was about.  I mean, I could guess and I’d actually probably be right.  What with how the media was talking about us all the time.  And our little pregnancy scare we’d had not two weeks ago.  I guess I could understand why she’d be a little edgy.  I was too to a certain point but I wasn’t going to let if affect everything I did like Kenzie did.

After a few long moments the door opened just slightly.  Kenzie poked her head around the door.  She had a bewildered look on her face.  She didn’t open the door any farther.  I stood there waiting for her to do so but she didn’t.

“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked as I reached out toward her.  She moved just out of my reach.  I tilted my head to the side and stared at her.  Something was going on.  I wasn’t sure what it was.  Something wasn’t right.  This was not the Kenzie that I knew.  She was acting strange. “Kenzie, what is going on?”

“N-nothing,” she answered softly.  She continued to stare at me not moving an inch.  Not offering to let me in.  Not smiling.  Just staring at me with a scared look on her face.  Then she quickly turned her head away from me and stared in the other direction.  Her face changed again.  This time she looked even more scared.

“McKenzie, what is going on?” I demanded.  I was starting to get frustrated with her.  She wasn’t doing anything.  She was hiding something from me.  She nodded slightly and then looked back at me.  This time her face had changed all together.  She now had an inviting look on her face.  She smiled.  What was going on?  It was like I was standing in front of two completely different people.

“What are you doing here so soon?” She asked as she opened the door up the rest of the way.  I continued to stare at her.  Her voice…it was different.  It seemed slightly deeper.  Not by much but just enough for me to notice.  I studied her face and her appearance.

She had her hair pulled back into a ponytail.  Which was odd for her.  She hardly ever wore it all the way up.  Usually it was only when she was working out.  Which didn’t happen much.  It also looked shorter somehow.  Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was pulled up.  Her eyes were more green than blue.  A strange thing.  I know her eyes change colors when she’s in different moods but this was different.  They had a more greenish tint to them.

“Justin,” Kenzie said with a small giggle.  That voice.  It wasn’t the same.  It wasn’t my Kenzie.  Maybe there’s a logical explanation for all of this.  Maybe she was sick and she didn’t want me to get sick.  That would explain her voice sounding different.  But it wasn’t just that.

Maybe I was just being paranoid.  I’d become fairly paranoid lately and I hated it.  It was driving me crazy.  I never used to find myself looking over my shoulder all the time but here lately I’d begun to do that.  Now with the way that Kenzie was acting it just about threw me over the edge.

“Are you okay, Justin?” Kenzie asked as she leaned on the doorframe.  I studied her more carefully.  She looked pretty much the same.  Nothing drastically different just minor things.  Maybe she was just in a weird mood today.  That was always possible.

“Yeah, are you all right?  You seem a little different today,” I finally answered.  She stared at me for a moment then shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m fine.”

“All right, why aren’t you ready to go?  We have to leave in like fifteen minutes,” I said as I shook my head.  She always waited until the last minute to do things.  It was a wonder that she ever got anything done.

“Ready for what?”

“You’re kidding me right.  The charity dinner, McKenzie,” I answered.  I knew she hated it when I used her full name but this was a moment when I felt the need to use it.  To get her riled up.  She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“That’s tonight?” She asked as she stepped away from the doorframe and glanced up the stairs. “Well then I’d better hurry up and get ready.  I’ll be down in a few minutes.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  She jogged up the stairs and disappeared into one of the rooms.

I stood there staring up at the stairs.  I wondered if I should follow after her but I restrained myself.  This was weird.  Something was going on and I was going to find out what it was one way or another.

=Chapter Eighteen=Complications=

"Kenzie," I heard Justin say as he rubbed my leg. Everything came back into focus. I looked over at him. He had a worried look on his face. "Were you spacing out there for a second, babe?" I smiled a little.

"I guess so, I'm sorry," I said softly. I heard someone clear their throat. I glanced over at the sound and saw a young woman sitting in front of me and Justin. She had a small pair of glasses propped up on her face. I then realized what was going on. Justin and I were at an interview. Our first one together since we'd announced that we were dating.

I guess this was a big step of some kind. My mind wasn't really on the interview at all. My mind was on the fact that I needed to break up with Justin. I was going through different scenarios. Ways to make it less difficult on both of us but I wasn't coming up with anything. I was having trouble finding something that wouldn't destroy Justin. I was having trouble finding something that wouldn't destroy me either. Nothing was working out for me.

"Kasie asked you a question, baby," Justin said. I looked back at Justin. Then back at Kasie. That's right, I'd been interviewed by Kasie before. She was the one that had pestered me about the pictures of Kenzie in rehab. I suddenly got a terrible taste in my mouth. I didn't want to sit her and have her question me right now. All I wanted to do was go somewhere I could be alone. Where I could be myself. Where I could sit and cry for as long as I wanted without being interrupted.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?" I asked politely. I knew I couldn't just sit there staring at her. That would only draw more attention to myself.

"I asked how your family is doing," she answered a slightly annoyed tone in her voice. I stared at her for a long moment. Why was she always asking questions about my family? Did she suspect something was going on? Could she tell that I wasn't Kenzie? How am I going to answer that question without setting myself up for more questions?

"They are doing just fine, thank you," I said with a fake smile. I wanted to get out of here. I needed to get away. I needed to get away from all of this. Fuck, I just needed to tell everyone the truth. I needed to get all of this off my chest and tell the whole world what is going on. Tell the world that I'm not Kenzie Stevens. I'm actually her twin sister, Lola Stevens.

The rest of the interview went by painfully slow. I answered my questions carefully. There were several times I could see Justin out of the corner of my eye looking at me with a confused look on his face. And occasionally a displeased look on his face. I ignored the looks and continued to pretend.

=

"What is wrong with you, Kenzie?" I heard Justin ask. I came out of yet another daze and looked over at him. He stared at me as he waited for me to answer his question. I sighed.

"Nothing," I said. I knew it was a stupid answer and I knew it was going to drive Justin crazy. I knew he hated it when I answered his questions like that.

"You're lying to me, come on, Kenzie. Tell me what is going on with you." He put his hands on my shoulders. I shrugged out of his grasp and backed away from him. I didn't want to be close to him at the moment. It would only make things worse.

"Nothing is going on, all right. I'm fine," I answered as I started to turn and walk away. I was just about out of Justin's reach but he grabbed my arm and turned me toward him. I stared up at him.

"You are not getting away with that kind of an answer, McKenzie. Tell me what is going on. I'm worried about you, baby. You've been so distant. You've hardly eaten anything in the last week. You're scaring me." I could hear the concern in his voice. He was genuinely worried about me. But why I wasn't sure. Yeah sure, I had been a little distant but that was because I was trying to find out ways that I could break up with him with out hurting either of us. But I was beginning to find out that that was never going to happen. And deep down I was partly hoping that me being distant was going to make him break up with me. I was hoping that he would get fed up with the fact that I wasn't talking to him and he'd just do it for me.

"Justin, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine," I said. It sounded more like I was trying to convince myself more than him. He shook his head. He didn't believe me and I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't believe myself if I was him either. "Justin, please, let go of my arm." Justin did what I asked.

"Kenzie, does this have to do with our little pregnancy scare we had a while ago? If so, you don't need to worry. We're going to be more careful from here on out."

"This has nothing to do with that," I answered as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Then what is it? What is going on in that little head of yours? I want to know. You won't talk to me anymore, Kenzie. I'm worried about you. You mean the world to me. Tell me what is going on. It's killing me not knowing what is hurting you. And don't say you're not hurting because I can see it in your eyes right now. You're scared about something. I don't know what because you won't tell me. I want to help but you won't let me."

"It has nothing to do with you, all right? Will you please drop it," I snapped. I hadn't meant to snap at him like that. It just came out. All of my frustration was starting to bubble up over the edge. If he provoked me anymore I was going to go off on him and I didn't want to do that.

"No I will not drop it, McKenzie. Talk to me. I'm going to make you talk one way or another. If that means I have to pin you up against the wall and hold you their until you talk then so be it I'll do it. But I don't want to."

"I want to see you try." I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. I really didn't want to see him try. I knew he could pin me up against the wall. He'd done it before but always in a playful manner. Not when he was upset. I didn't want to experience that when he was upset.

Justin grabbed my upper arms and started to push me back. I fought with him as he eventually pushed me up against the wall. He held me there as I struggled with him. I was starting to get really upset. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to leave me alone before I said anything more that I regretted. Before I got so frustrated that I told him everything. I didn't want to do that right now. Especially right now when both of us were in the state that we were in. I wanted it to be months after I broke up with him. Actually ideally I didn't want to tell him at all. I finally gave up on fighting him and just stood there waiting for him to let go of me.

I glared up at Justin. He did the same. A few long moments later Justin let go of me. I stood there staring at him. He looked angry with me. I knew he was upset with the fact that I wasn't talking to him. But this wasn't something I could just come out and say to him. I couldn't tell him that I wasn't who he thought I was. I was just a phony and a fake. I was not for him. He deserved much better than me. He deserved someone that wouldn't keep a secret from him. Someone that would talk to him, tell him the truth. Tell him everything. Even stuff that he doesn't want to know.

I know keeping all of this is going to kill me one day. I know once Kenzie comes back I won't be able to say anything about this. I'll just have to keep it a secret for the rest of my life. The rest of my life without Justin. It will either kill me or I'll just break and confess everything to the wrong person. Then they'll tell someone and then it will get to the media. And there goes Kenzie's career. It will be shot to hell. And all of this will be done for nothing. I wouldn't want to be there when Justin finds out about all of this. I just pray to god that he never finds out.

"Damn it, McKenzie, why won't you fucking talk to me?" Justin demanded. I jumped a little when I heard him talk. I wasn't expecting it.

"I won't because it doesn't concern you. I don't want to bother you with my problems," I answered. He snorted.

"Baby, your problem is my problem. You are my life. Everything that concerns you should concern me too. I love you, baby." Justin's voice had softened and his angry fell from his face. He reached up and brushed his hand along the side of my face.

"Justin, can we please...just drop this right now? I have to get ready for another interview," I said just above a whisper. I was scared what his reaction was going to be. I wasn't sure if he was going to be upset with me for asking to drop it. He sighed.

"Yeah, sure but don't think that this is the end of it," Justin said as he stepped back away from me. I pushed myself lightly off the wall and stared down at the ground. We both stood there for a few moments not making eye contact. Then I looked up at Justin. He looked like he was about to cry. At the sight of that I almost started to cry myself but I turned my head before I could. I turned and walked out of the room. I left Justin standing there wondering what the hell was going on.

=

I carefully opened up the door to Justin's room. I didn't want to wake him up. It's nearly two in the morning. I'd been crying for the last hour over the fact that my grandmother, whom I was very close to, had just passed away. I'd gotten a phone call from my sister telling me that she had passed. Kenzie and I had both sat on the phone crying and telling stories about our grandmother. Crying, laughing and more crying.

I can't stay angry at Justin anymore. I know it has to do with the fact that I'm an emotional mess right now. I don't care if I'm angry with him. All I want is for him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. That it's not the end of the world. That everything will eventually go back to normal. That I'll stop crying soon.

I finally make my way to his bed. He's fast asleep. I hate to wake him up. So instead of waking him I carefully lift up the blankets, just enough, for me to climb in. I lay there watching him sleep for a moment then the tears start to come again. I buried my head into the pillow to try and muffle my cries. As I continued to cry I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Justin asks frantically. He holds me for while as I continued to cry. I shake my head. I can't speak. "Kenzie, tell me, what's going on." I slowly look up at him. It's hard to see his face because of the darkness but what I can see he's worried. He's trying to figure out if this has anything to do with what had happened earlier in the day or if this is something new.

"My...grandmother passed away," I managed to get out in between tears.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," Justin whispered as he pulled me closer. I buried my face against his bare chest. He didn't say anything more, he just let me cry. After several long minutes of crying my eyes out. I finally sniffled to a stop. I pulled slightly away from Justin and wiped the tears off my face. Justin smoothed my hair and kissed me on the forehead. "Is there anything I can do?"

"All I need you to do is hold me," I answered just above a whisper. Justin nodded and pulled me closer. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid there with him.

"When is the funeral?" Justin asked. I cringed at the word funeral. I hated that word. Well I guess it wasn't the word per say, it was the idea of the word. I hated the idea of being put in a box and being buried in the ground. While your body rotted. I know it's a harsh way of thinking about it but I know it's not something that I want.

"I'm not sure, soon probably," I paused for a moment. "I'm not sure if I'm even going to go."

"What do you mean, you're not going? You have to go," Justin said. I shook my head and buried my head into his chest more. "Baby, it's your grandmother's funeral. You have to go."

"I don't know if I should." I didn't want the media to get in the way of the funeral. I knew that they'd be there anyways, trying to get a glimpse but if I wasn't there then maybe there wouldn't be so many. Plus I didn't want someone to spot Kenzie and I together because that would totally mess everything up. Everything would be ruined. Not to mention my grandmother's funeral.

"Why shouldn't you go? I could always go with you if you wanted," Justin said as he rubbed my back. I shook my head. No, there was no way he was coming to the funeral. If that meant me not going then that was how is was going to have to be. If he came that would blow everything. He'd see Kenzie and me together and it would be over with.

"You know the press with be all over this. They'll want to get an exclusive pictures of my grandmother's funeral. I know there'll be photographers there anyway just because of who I am. But if I don't go I hope there won't be as many. I don't want to ruin my grandmother's funeral just because of who I am. That would be wrong. I couldn't do it. I'd just be better off not going. Plus if you go then there'll be ten times more photographers. You know that. That's why you and I can't go," I explained as I looked up at Justin. "Don't get me wrong, I want to go. I'd give anything to go but I just don't think that I should. It would be wrong to bring all the media there." Justin opened his mouth to say something then shut it. He knew I was right. He knew that the paparazzi would be all over the funeral.

"What if, you go to the funeral and I do anything I can to distract them. If that means doing something that I would never do then I'll do it. Just so you can have sometime alone with your family."

"Justin, I don't want you doing something reckless. I couldn't bear the idea of you doing something that could hurt you." Justin smiled and rested his hand on the side of my face.

"I would never, baby. I don't think I could stand doing something reckless if it meant loosing you. I love you too much," Justin whispered then kissed me softly.

"I love you too." I smiled and kissed him back.

"Now, go to sleep. You need your rest. You have a long day tomorrow," Justin said as he kissed me on the forehead. I nodded and laid my head on the pillow.

I know I should be excited. I know I should be happy that I'm in Hawaii. I mean, especially since I'd only been there once before. And when I went the last time it wasn't much of a vacation like this was. I was there on a school trip last time and I wasn't able to enjoy my time in Hawaii because I had to study the whole time.

I should be happy that I'm in such a beautiful place as Hawaii but I can't bring myself to be. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm supposed to break up with Justin sometime on this trip. This was complete bad timing on his part. Of course he doesn't know it.

I have this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it has to do with the reality of all of this is coming to an end. I have to break up with Justin. Because Kenzie is coming back in two weeks. She finally got the okay from our mother. Or maybe it has nothing to do with any of that. Maybe it has to do with the terrible feeling I have that something ten times more important than that is going to happen. What that this is, I don't know. And to be honest, I don't want to know. I just hope that I'm completely wrong.

I was beginning to wonder why I hadn't just told Justin everything in the beginning. That way he could get to know the real me behind closed doors. And we'd be able to go along with this charade together. It would have made things a whole lot easier. I wouldn't be in the predicament that I'm in right now. And I wouldn't have to lie about every damn thing.

I started to play with my hair and chew on my bottom lip as Justin and I walked into the restaurant. I glanced around the fancy restaurant as we stopped to talk to the hostess. I wasn't paying any attention to what Justin and the hostess were talking about. My head was elsewhere. I was trying to figure out what was going on here. I mean, I know we would go out to a nice dinner once or twice while we were here. But tonight was different. There was just a feeling in the air that made the night different.

After a few moments the hostess started to walk away. Justin began to follow her, he pulled me behind him as he walked. I stumbled after him at first then finally caught myself and began walking normally. The hostess walked us outside onto a deck with a candle lit table. The sun was just beginning to set. Justin let go of my hand and pulled out my chair for me. I glanced up at him and smiled a little. I sat down and flipped open up the menu that the hostess had set down on the table. I wasn't really paying much attention to what was in front of me.

The words on the menu looked like gibberish to me at the moment. I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on anything. I looked up from the jumbled words when I heard Justin say my name. Well of course it wasn't my since he didn't even know what it was but when he said Kenzie's.

"Huh? I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked as I looked at him. He laughed lightly and shook his head. He reached across the table and took my hand.

"I said you look beautiful tonight," Justin answered. I smiled and felt my cheeks getting hot. I don't know what it was but every time he commented on how beautiful I looked I always got embarrassed. No matter how hard I tried to fight it. I always did. That was one of the things that I was going to miss.

I was going to miss the way he laughed at just about everything I did. Even if he knew it would piss me off. But deep down I knew I wasn't mad at him. I could never get mad at him. Not for long at least. I was going to miss the way we made love. I loved being that close to him. I had always been a person that didn't like a lot of physical contact. But when I met Justin that all changed. I wanted to be as close as I could get to him. I was going to miss the physical contact that we had. I was going to miss the nights where we just stayed up talking. Not doing anything else just talking. Me lying in his arms and him playing with my hair.

I was going to miss how sexy he was when he was upset. I know it's not right but there were a few times that I would irate him just to see him upset. So I could see him when he was like that. I know it's wrong but I couldn't stop myself. Just like I couldn't stop myself from ending all of this.

"So, what are going to have?" Justin asked. I glanced at the menu. I hadn't been reading the menu. Hell I couldn't read what the first damn thing on the menu was. My head was not working properly.

"I have no idea," I answered with a laugh, "You order for me. There's too much to pick from. Just pick something. You know what I like." Justin laughed. I was going to miss that laugh. I think that was going to be the thing that I missed the most. His laugh.

"All right." He nodded and looked back down at the menu. I laid mine back on the table and stared at the candle sitting on the table. I'd always been fascinated with fire. It was so beautiful but yet at the same time so destructive. I guess in a way I was like the fire. Pretty but destructive deep down. And once the fire started to spread it was hard to kill.

=

The waitress took my empty plate. How I had emptied the plate I'm not sure. I hadn't even tasted the food. I'm not even sure what Justin had ordered me. I grabbed my glass of wine and took a sip. I normally don't drink wine but tonight was different. I wanted the alcohol. I didn't want to get drunk but I wanted a buzz. So I could possibly blame my behavior on the wine. I tipped the glass up and finished the rest of the wine. I set the empty glass on the table. Justin was sitting there eyeing me. I looked away and out at the ocean.

The sky was a rainbow of colors. It was gorgeous. I hadn't seen anything more beautiful. A light breeze was starting to come up. But it wasn't a cool breeze but a warm one. It felt good on my bare skin. I glanced down at the hem of my dress as I began to play with it. My hands were trembling. My stomach was starting to churn again.

"Do you suppose we could get some champagne?" Justin asked the waitress. I looked up as soon as he said champagne. That's when I knew something was going on. Something that I was dreading.

"Champagne? Are you trying to get me drunk?" I teased with a smile. "First the wine now champagne. You don't need to get me drunk to sleep with you, you know that don't you."

"Really? And all this time..." Justin teased back as he smiled. After a few minutes the waitress came back with two glasses of champagne. She set them down. Justin picked up his and I did the same. Justin tipped his glass towards mine. I did the same to his. Our glasses clinked together. I brought the glass up to my lips and began to take a drink.

Something at the bottom of the glass caught my eye. I stopped drinking but still held the glass to my lips as I stared at the bottom of the glass. It couldn't be what I thought it was. No, there was not way. He...couldn't. He shouldn't. Oh dear god. I looked at Justin over the edge of the glass. He had a big smile on his face. I closed my eyes as I lowered the glass and set it on the table.

I prayed that I'd only imagined it. I prayed that this was all just a horrible nightmare. Don't get me wrong. I would love this but not in the situation that I'm in right now. Not now. Not ever. Not like this. I slowly opened my eyes and stared at the glass. I swore under my breath as I saw what I had been praying wasn't there. A sparkling diamond ring was sitting at the bottom of the glass.

My breathing started to quicken. My head started to spin. This was not happening. It shouldn't be happening. I was supposed to break up with him this week. My heart started to race. I looked over at Justin as he got up from his chair. He walked over to my side of the table and fished the ring out of the glass. He wiped it off and knelt down in front of me. He reached out and took my hand.

I glanced around the restaurant. There were several tables looking over at us. Everyone had a smile on their face. I didn't want to do this right now. Especially right now. Not with everyone watching. My vision started to blur from the tears that were starting to form. Damn it. Why did this have to happen? Why? Why did I have to break his heart like this? Why now? Why ever?

"McKenzie, I know we've only been together for a short time but these past seven months have been the best seven months of my life. You are my world. I love you with all of my heart. I would do anything for you. So will you do me something? Will you marry me?" Justin asked as he gentle slipped the ring on my finger. I looked down at the ring on my finger. My hands were shaking. The silver band of the ring sparkled. The diamond looked like one carat. It was a princess cut.

I brought my other hand up to my mouth. I shook my head slightly and closed my eyes. As soon as I did the tears started to fall. I couldn't stop them. I covered my face with both of my hands and continued to cry.

"Hey, baby, it's okay," Justin whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't want him this close to me right now. He needed to get away from me. Feeling his skin on mine was making this worse. Smelling his scent was not helping at all.

"I can't," I said through my tears. Justin moved away from me. I opened up my eyes and stared at him. He had a confused look on his face. He started to open up his mouth and I'm sure ask what I was talking about but I beat him to it, "Justin, I can't marry you. I'm sorry."

Justin knelt there staring at me. He didn't say anything. I could see that his heart was breaking. And it broke my heart. Damn this whole situation we were in. Damn it all to hell. Why did I have to agree to do this for Kenzie? Why? Damn it, I hated her right now. Even though I knew I shouldn't be mad at her. I should be mad at myself. I should have told Justin from the very beginning. I should have just told Kenzie no from the get go. Then I would never have gotten into this situation. Then I wouldn't have to break Justin's heart like I'm doing right now. Damn all of this to hell.

"Why?" Justin asked. I could hear the tears in his voice. I almost started crying harder when I heard the tears in his voice.

"I'm not who you think I am," I answered. I took a deep breath as I reached up and wiped the tears off my face. This was it. I was going to tell Justin everything. "I'm not Kenzie, I'm her sister, Lola. I've been pretending to be Kenzie for the last seven months." I stared at Justin hoping that he would say something. But he didn't. He just continued to stare at me. "Justin, please say something."

"What am I supposed to say?" Justin whispered after a long pause. He looked away from me and stared out at the ocean. The tears started to come again. It hurt me to hear the pain in his voice. I wanted to take back everything that I had said and done. I wanted to say something that would make his pain stop but I knew I couldn't. There was no way that I could do that. Not now. And probably not ever. "So...everything you've said to me the past several months has been a lie?"

When he looked at back me I leaned back in my chair. He was angry. Extremely angry. I'd never seen him this upset before. And he had a right to be this mad. I understood that but it still caught me off guard.

"No...not everything," I answered just above a whisper. "I really do love you."

"You expect me to believe that," Justin scoffed. I bit my lip. He did have a point. Of course I didn't think he would believe me after what I had just told. I looked down at the ground. I started to open my mouth to say something but my words died. There was no point in arguing with him. He was right. If our roles were reversed I wouldn't believe a single word he said.

"I'm sorry," I said, it was barely audible. I wasn't even sure if I'd even said the words. I slowly stood and pushed the chair away slightly. I grabbed my purse that I'd hung over the back of chair. I couldn't look at Justin. I couldn't see the pain in his eyes anymore. I turned before I could look at him and walked out of the restaurant. Tears streaming down my face the whole time.­­

=Chapter Twenty=Bitter hearts=

I sat on the floor in complete and utter shock as I watched Kenzie...no that wasn't her name. Her name was Lola. Whatever the hell her name was. All I knew is that the woman that I was in love with just told me that she wasn't who I thought she was. She was her twin sister. It tore me apart to see her cry like that but then I remembered why she was crying. What she'd done to me. What she'd done to the world. This wasn't just going to affect me. It was going to affect the whole entire world. Just think what will happen when they find out about this.

This was bound to get out rather quickly with all the people that were in the restaurant. The media was going to go into a frenzy when they heard about this. I wouldn't be surprised if word got out and the media would be all over this by tomorrow. That's how vicious the media can be. They'd be demanding interviews with me non stop. And with Kenzie...damn it that's not her name. Well I guess they'll be wanting an interview with the real Kenzie but they'll also be wanting to talk to Lola as well.

But to be honest, they deserve whatever the media was going to hand them. They'll get a lashing from the fans. The fans could completely turn on them and possibly me. I'll get accused of knowing about this whole charade. I'll deny about knowing about it but no one will ever really believe me. And to be honest, I wouldn't blame them.

I didn't realize that I was still sitting there on the ground fuming until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up and saw Tiny standing there. He had a concerned look on his face.

"Come on, Justin. Let's go," he said as he tried to help me up but I pushed him away. I didn't want to be touched right now. I wanted to be alone. "People are staring."

"I don't give a fuck," I yelled as I pushed myself off the floor. "I just had my fucking heart tore out. Do you really think I care what any of these damn people think of me right now? No I don't. They can all go to hell for all I care." I knew my outburst was a little over the top but I couldn't hold it back. It was true. At the moment I could really careless what anyone thought. I didn't even know what I was thinking. My head was a mess right now.

I needed to get out of there. I needed to find a place where I could think. I pushed past Tiny and made my way out of the restaurant. I wasn't concerned with the bill for the dinner. I knew Tiny would take care of it. All I was concerned about was getting out of the damn restaurant and getting away from the people.

=

I closed my eyes and leaned up against the cool wall as Tiny unlocked my room in the hotel. My head was spinning. I could barely stand up. The room was spinning even with my eyes closed. I hadn't had this much to drink in a long time. I knew that it wasn't something that I should have done but I wanted something to get my mind off of everything.

Of course that only lasted for a few moments. Then I started to think about why I was there at the bar. And that caused me to drink even more.  I always forget that I tend to think more when I'm drinking. For whatever reason my mind becomes clear and I can actually think. This was the one time that I'd wished that didn't happen.

"Come on," Tiny said as I felt his hand on my arm. He pulled me away from the cool wall and helped me in the door. As soon as I walked in my eyes shot open. The scent of the woman that I loved was still in the room. Her light and airy perfume played with my senses. A rushed of anger started to make it's was through my body. I was going to have to get a new room. I was going to have to get practically new everything.

Everything I owned had her scent on it in one way or another. Everything would have to be thrown out and new things would have to be bought. My house would have to be completely redone. I don't think I could walk into that house everyday and see her things, see everything that reminded me of her. I'd probably just sell that house and buy another. I had enough money to do whatever I wanted. Hell if I wanted I could just bulldoze the whole house and build another from scratch. Make it everything that she hated. Of course I knew that would never work because she and I liked the same kinds of things. I'd be miserable in that place.

"Stupid bitch," I mumbled as I pulled my arm out of Tiny's grasp. Doing so almost sent me to the floor but I regained my balance by grabbing a hold of the wall. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. The room continued to spin but it wasn't as bad as it had been. The coolness of the wall was helping.

"Justin?" Tiny asked. I grunted for him to continue. "You need to get some sleep. Come on let's get you to your room." Tiny reached out and grabbed my shoulders. He pulled me away from the wall and started to guide me toward the bedroom. I willingly went along with it until I realized where I was going.

I was going to the same room, the same bed where I had just made love to the woman that I loved not twenty-four hours ago. The same room where she'd slip into her nightgown that hugged her curves in the right places. The same room where I was about to try and sleep. The same room where her scent was the strongest through out the whole place.

"Fuck no, I am not going in there," I yelled as my eyes snapped open and I struggled to get out of Tiny's grasp. "There is no fucking way I am going into that room. Not with everything that has gone on in there. I'm done with this whole damn place. I need to get out of here. I need to get another room."

"Calm down, Justin," Tiny said as he threw his arms up in the air.

"Calm down? You want me to be calm? That's a great concept why didn't I think of that? Oh wait that's right, I have but you know what? It doesn't fucking work. How the fuck do you expect me to be calm when I just had the woman that I was planning on marrying tell me that she'd been lying to me for the past seven months? Would you be calm if that happened to you?" I yelled as I began to throw my arms around in the air. I knew I shouldn't be taking this out of Tiny. It wasn't right. But I knew he wouldn't hold it against me. He'd forgive me. I continued on my rant until I saw Tiny's face change. He got a shocked look on his face. I glared at him. This wasn't the first time that he'd seen me go on a rant so I wasn't pleased with the fact that he was staring at me like that.

"Uh, Justin?" He asked as he reached out for my arm. I stepped back to make sure that I wasn't in his reach. I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want anyone to touch me. I wanted to left alone.

"What?" I yelled. He didn't say anything just continued to stare. Then I realized that he wasn't looking at me. He was looking behind me at something. I slowly turned around and came face to face with a face that I was not pleased to see. Lola stood in the doorway of our room. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a mess. Make up was stained on her cheeks. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Getting my things," she answered. She folded her arms over her chest and looked down at the ground.

"Good, then you can get the hell out of here." I watched Lola's shoulders slump at my words. I felt my heart fall. Well what was left of my heart. The woman standing in front of me had stolen the rest and it was like she was refusing to give it back. She drew in a ragged breath. I did the same. My heart ached to see her like this. I wanted to reach out and hold her in my arms. Tell her everything was going to be all right. That I forgave her but I knew I couldn't. And I don't think I ever will.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and retreated back into the bedroom. I heard her rustling around in the room for her things. After a few long moments she came back out with a bag over her shoulder. She glanced up at me as she passed. Her eyes were filled with tears. She quickly looked away and over at Tiny. He stood there staring at her.

She started toward the door grabbing a few things that were hers that were scattered about. She cradled them in her arms as she carried her bag to the door. I watched her small figure sway as she walked away. Her fiery red hair looked brighter against her dark blue strapless dress. She reached out for the door handle and put her hand on the handle but did not turn it. She stared down at her hand.

She lifted her hand and I saw what she was staring at. She still had the ring on her finger. She'd never given it back to me. I heard her take in a sharp breath and I could hear her beginning to cry. Lola slowly slipped the ring off her finger and turned. She kept her eyes on the ground making sure that she didn't make eye contact with me. And to be honest I was glad that she did. I wasn't sure if I could handle it if her eyes met mine.

"You probably want this back," she whimpered as she held out the ring. She still kept her eyes on the ground. I swallowed hard and nodded slightly. I slowly approached her as I held out my hand. She hesitated for a brief moment but then let the ring fall into my hand. "I'm sorry." She turned and started back toward the door.

"Lola," I said. She stopped and turned slightly. She looked at me over her shoulder. Still not making eye contact with me. "Tell me, why'd you do it?" I could have sworn I heard her laugh a little but if she did it was so low that I wasn't sure if she had.

"For my sister. She needed help. I didn't want to do it at first. I've wanted nothing to do with the limelight. Never have and to be honest, I'm actually happy that I'll be out of it now. Of course I'm not happy that I had to hurt you to get out," she answered with a small shrug. "Justin?" I didn't answer. I'd lost my words. She turned and looked me in the eyes this time. I could see the agonizing pain she was in. "I'm truly sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I understand if you don't believe me but there is one thing that I want you to believe and it's the honest to god truth." She took a deep breath. "I love you.  I love you with all my heart and I'm so very sorry that it had to end this way."

Lola looked away again. I watched her reach for the handle and turn it this time. I heard her sigh and open up the door. She stepped out and closed the door behind her. I stood there staring at the door. I had the sudden urge to run after her to stop her from leaving me. Even after everything that had happened. I started to take a step but stopped myself. What was I going to do if I caught up to her? There wasn't anything more to say. We were done. Finished. There was no more of us.

=Chapter Twenty-One=Over=

My heart sank when I closed the door behind me. I kept my hand on the door knob for a few more seconds; I didn't want to let go for the fear that I would crumble down to the ground. That tiny handle was holding me up; keeping me from loosing it completely. My throat was tight and I could barely breathe. That was it. Justin and I were through. No more. We were done. The tears started to well up in my eyes again as I tired to take a step but my legs wouldn't budge; they felt like they were going to give way. Like I was going to tumble to the ground but yet at the same time they were almost cemented to the ground. I stood there for a moment as I tried to regain my composure. I took a few deep breaths. They did little to help but it was enough that I could finally move my legs.

As I took a step my heart cried out in pain; I didn't want this to end. Especially the way it had. I didn't want to break his heart like that; I really didn't care about how I felt. I was going to be miserable either way; one way or another. The thing that I couldn't take was him being miserable and I knew that I was the one that caused him to be that way. I could see the hurt and anguish on his face when I looked at him; I could hear it in is voice. That voice that I had always loved but I could tell that all of the love and trust had now been replaced by hate and distrust. I had turned him against me.

I didn't expect him to love me anymore. Not after everything that I had just put him through. I didn't expect him to come running after me. Of course I begged and pleaded that he would but I knew that would never happen. I'd caused too much damage and there was no way that I could fix it.

I slowly made my way to the elevator down the hall. The walk seemed to take forever. Every step was torture. Every step took all my effort to make it. I knew once I made it to the elevator that all of this was over; there would be no turning back. Second chances would be out of the question, we would cease to exist as a couple. We had the moment that I told him who I was. I took one final step and reached the elevator, I caught my reflection in the shiny surface of the elevator; a gasp escaped my mouth.

I looked terrible, my hair was a mess. I was a mess, emotionally and physically. My hair was sticking out in different directions and parts of it were dried to my face from the sticky tears that had been pouring from my eyes the last two hours. I had very little make up on my face anymore, it had all come off from either the tears or the burying my face in the blankets in our hotel room. I was emotionally drained, I physically hurt from all the crying and torture I had put myself through. I had fallen asleep not long after I had first reached the room but I had woken when I heard voices in the room. I laid there listening to see who it was and to my horror and pleasure it had been Justin and Tiny. I started to cry again when I heard all of the hurtful things that Justin had said.

I didn't blame him; I probably would have said all those things as well. He had every right to say the things he did. The only one to blame was myself. I had put all of this on myself; there was no way around it. I could have easily told him from the beginning what was going on; or I could have told Kenzie no from the very start. But I had agreed and I had brought all of this on myself. So I didn't blame him for a single thing; he had done nothing wrong. I was the one that had started the lies and continued them.

I reached up and wiped what was left of my make up off with my hands. I wiped my hands off on my dress. There was no need for the dress anymore anyway; I might as well ruin it. It was probably going in the trash when I got back home anyway.

Home.

That word didn't sound right, at least not without thinking of Justin. Everything that I had been the last several months had involved him, he was my home. Now I was going to have to start all of over again. It was a relief to be going back home, I needed to be there get out of the limelight. I shouldn't have left in the first place, I should have stayed in school. I heard a disgruntled laugh come from my lips. The old adage that everyone always said, stay in school. I'd even said it several times when I was with children. And here I was telling myself that I should have done the same thing. That I would have been better off if I had.

I jumped a little when the elevator made a dinging noise once it reached my floor. I stepped back slightly as the doors opened; I prayed that no one was in the elevator. My prayers were answered when the door finally opened and the elevator was empty. I slowly stepped in the doors; I took a ragged breath as I looked down the hallway of the hotel. My hands were shaking as I reached for the button for the lobby. The circular light lit up once I pushed it and the doors slowly started to close. Tears started to build again but I tried to fight them back.

=

I groaned as I slowly woke up; the bright sun was shining in from the open drapes. Damn it why hadn't I closed those last night? I threw my arms over my face and kept my eyes closed. The pounding in my head caused me to groan again. I rolled over onto my side and buried my head into the cushions of the couch that I had slept on the night before. I wasn't about to sleep in that bedroom; there was no way I was going anywhere near it. I didn't care or need anything that was in that part of the room, I would survive without out it. Everything in that room reminded me of her and her scent was the most prominent in the room. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I walked into that room and got rush of her perfume in the air.

How could she do this to me? After all this time; after everything that we had been through. I told her I loved her; I wanted to marry her. I thought she was going to be the one that I'd spend the rest of my life with. I thought we were truthful, told each other everything. I sure as hell did. Even if she didn't want to hear it I told her but obviously she didn't tell me a damn thing. Everything she said to me was a lie.

She told me she loved me last night. Told me that if I didn't believe anything else she said that I should believe that but I'm still not sure if I should believe it. How am I supposed to believe her?

I took a deep breath and instantly regretted it. The cushions smelled like her; everything in this damn hotel room smelled like her. I needed to get out of here. I jumped up off the couch and instantly regretted it. The room started spinning and I struggled to regain my balance. Luckily, I caught myself just before I fell face first into the hard ground. My eyes were burning from the bright sun that was making it's way in through the window. I snatched up my phone that was lying on the ground next to the couch and stuffed it into my pocket. I'd have to tell Tiny to get me a flight because there as no way that I would be able to deal with people at the moment. My head was throbbing.

I made my way slowly to the front door and leaned against it for support for a moment. The coolness of the door felt good against my warm skin. It was helping my hangover a little bit. I made a quick scan of the room making sure that there wasn't anything that I wanted anymore. The only thing that I saw was my sunglasses, I knew I'd need those especially today. I walked over to the glass coffee table and picked up my sunglasses. I slipped them on and the room dimmed; the darkness instantly made my headache lessen, plus I knew they were a good investment. They would hide my tears that I knew would come eventually, and the redness in my eyes that I knew was there already.

Question after question raced through my throbbing head as I walked toward Tiny's room, he was just down the hall from me and I was sure he was waiting there for me. I shook my head slightly to get the questions to stop racing, I didn't want to think right now, I wanted to be numb. Shaking my head didn't seem to do anything other than make myself even more nauseated. How as I going to function anymore? I'd had my heart broken before but nothing like this, this was beyond the worst feeling that I had ever felt. This was worse than being cheated on and in a way I had been cheated on; just a different way of cheating I suppose. I had been cheated out of knowing the truth.

I hadn't even realized that I was standing on front of Tiny's door until I saw the door to his room open and him say my name. I looked up at him and thanked god that I had my sunglasses on, I knew I looked like shit. Tiny didn't say anything he just continued to walk down the hall toward the elevator. He knew that there wasn't anything that he could say to make any of this better and I thanked him silently for not saying anything. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it if he had said anything, I knew I was on the verge of breaking down at any second. I knew the tiniest little thing could set me off. I feared that I would crumble to the ground and curl myself into a little ball and remain that way for a very long time all the while crying to myself.

I followed Tiny into the elevator and leaned against the wall as the doors closed behind me. I shut my eyes hoping that it would help but it only made the feeling of the elevator going down worse. I felt like I was going to get sick but to my relief the ride was not very long. We stepped out of the elevator and started for the front doors, I hadn't looked up from the ground until we reached the doors. To my horror there were photographers everywhere. I groaned loudly, I didn't need this right now. This was the last thing that I needed.

Like routine Tiny put his arms around my shoulders and slowly guided me through the crowd of photographers. I cringed as we started to walk through them, their yelling was deafening it made my head throb even more. I tried my hardest not the listen to the things that they were saying and for the most part I couldn't understand them but every once in a while a few of the questions jumped out at me.

"Is it true that you and Kenzie have called it quiets?" One photographer yelled.

"Where is Kenzie? Is it true that she broke up with you last night at dinner?" Another yelled. I felt my hands starting to burn, it was until I looked down at them to see what was making them burn that I noticed that my fists were clenched so tight that my knuckles were white. Tiny seemed to noticed my slight hesitation and quickened out pace. I knew he was trying to get me out of there before I did anything that I regretted. We finally reached the car and I quickly climbed into the backseat. I slammed the door shut wanting to be left alone, to be lost in my little world of feeling sorry for myself.

=Chapter Twenty-Two=Interrogations=

The rush of the crowd that surrounded me as I stepped off of the plane almost made me dizzy. The camera flashes were blinding me, I could barely see as it was because my eyes were so dry from all of the tears that I had cried the night before. I was happy that I had large sunglasses on; I had always hated those large sunglasses they made me look like a damn bug but at the moment I could careless about all of that. They were hiding my bloodshot eyes and I wouldn't have to explain so much to everyone. Not that I was going to explain anything to these vultures that surrounded me; they continued to shout at me but I couldn't hear a thing they were saying. It was just a rumbling noise to me, my head was elsewhere.

I couldn't take the cameras and the photographers anymore, I quickened my pace. I wanted to get out of there, I needed to get out of there. My legs started to carry me faster than I expected; the photographers continued to keep pace with me. I did not look up from the ground as I forced my way through the crowd of photographers. It would take all day if I continued at this pace, I quickened my pace yet again and finally starting into a sprint. I looked up and saw the front doors to the airport, I knew Dee would be waiting for me there. I had called her as soon as I had reached a new hotel room the night before; I had told her everything that had happened as the tears were streaming down my face. I'm sure she had trouble understanding me through all of the tears. Thank god she was the one that had arranged the flight and knew what time she needed to pick me up.

I finally broke through the photographers and started to run faster, I just needed to get to those doors and I would be safe. I would be free and not some animal in a cage. My luggage was probably running through luggage claim but I didn't care, I would buy new stuff. I didn't want to be in this place any longer. I glanced behind me and as soon as I did I regretted it; the photographers were on my tail. They hadn't let up at all, they were still screaming questions and chasing after me.

The doors were just in front of me, I was going to feel the warm air on my face. Just before I reached the doors I felt someone grab my left arm. I thought it was one of the photographers and reared back to punch them in the face but stopped when I heard Dee's voice telling me to stop. I almost collapsed when I saw her, it was a relief to see her. I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her much tighter than she probably wanted me to. As soon as I had my arms around her neck the tears started to flow again. I didn't think I had anymore tears left in my system, I thought I had cried all of my bodily fluids out last night.

"Come on, Lola, we have to get you out of here," Dee whispered in my ear as she tried to pull me away from the approaching photographers. I stumbled behind her as she pulled me toward the doors. The doors slid open and a gust of warm wind blew in the doors, the warm wind felt good against my skin. I saw a car sitting at the curb with Marty standing with his arms crossed. I sighed and surprisingly a large smile made it's way across my face. I threw my arms around him as soon as he was close enough. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a big bear hug.

"Kenzie, why did you leave the island? Where is Justin?" The questions continued even though I was outside, I clung to Marty even tighter. He picked me up and turned me around so that my back was to the car and he was standing in my way of the cameras.

"Back away, there's nothing to see here," Marty said as he held up his hand as Dee opened up the car door so I could sneak in. Marty continued to stand in front of me as I moved for the door, I jumped into the car and buried my head into the cushions of the seat. Dee climbed in shortly after then followed by Marty. He slammed the door shut and the driver took off. I felt Marty pull me over toward him and I curled up into his side and continued to cry.

=

"What are you doing back so soon? I thought you and Kenzie were supposed to be in Hawaii for a few more days." Trace asked as I pushed my way in the door of his house. I didn't answer his question, I walked straight to the fridge and pulled out a beer. I knew he would have beer, he never failed me with that. Of course I wanted something a little bit stronger than beer but I didn't want to talk for the fear of breaking down again. I began rummaging through the drawers slamming them shut when they didn't have what I was looking for. I heard Trace walk into the kitchen and stop in the entryway. "Why are you in such a shitty mood? Did Kenzie deny you sex on the plane?" I heard him laugh to himself. He thought all of this was fucking funny, well I didn't see it that way. Nothing right now was funny no matter what it was.

I didn't answer him again, I slammed one more drawer shut before I realized that the bottle opener was on a magnet that was on the fridge. I grumbled some swear words under my breath and grabbed it from the door. I opened the bottle and threw the cap into the sink and took a long swig of the cold beer. This wasn't going to help the hang over I still had but at the moment I could give a fuck.

"Justin, what the hell is going on? Talk to me, man," Trace said with a concerned tone in his voice. I glared at him over the beer bottle that was on my lips. I was surprised that Trace hadn't figured out why I was so angry; at least part of it. He knew I was supposed to propose on this trip, I had consulted with him whether I should do so. He had told me to go for it, he thought Kenzie was a sweetheart and she made me happy. I rolled my eyes and let out a angry laugh to myself.

Made me happy, I was the farthest point from happy; I was almost suicidal. All right, I was being a little over dramatic, I wasn't suicidal but I had sure felt like it over the last several hours.

"Wait, did Kenzie deny your marriage proposal?" Trace asked after several minutes of the silent treatment. I glowered at him and then looked down at the ground. "What happened?" I shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't even want to think about it, I knew if I opened my mouth I would break down. Then is suddenly dawned on me, Trace must have known about Lola pretending to be her sister. He and Dee were close, they were practically dating.

"Don't fucking tell me that you knew about all of this? If I find out that you knew I will fucking kill you!" I yelled as I slammed the bottle down onto the counter. I was surprised that it didn't break in my hands, I half expected it to.

"Know about what? Justin, what the hell is going on?" Trace asked. I shook my head.

"You had to have known. Of course, you knew, you and Dee are so damn close. She had to have told you," I said, I wasn't really talking to Trace, it was more me talking out loud but addressing Trace at the same time.

"What about Dee? I had to have known what?" I didn't answer his questions, I just continued to mumble to myself about how Trace had to have known everything. I didn't snap out of my trance until Trace grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "What did Dee tell me?"

"That the woman that I've been dating for the last six months is not Kenzie. I've been dating Kenzie's twin sister, Lola." Trace stared at me like I had been talking to him in gibberish.  

"Not Kenzie? Twin sister? J, what are you talking about? Kenzie, does not have a twin sister," Trace finally said after a long pause of staring at me.

"Yes, she does. Lola told me that she has been pretending to be her for the last six months."

"That has to be the lamest excuse for a marriage denial I have ever heard. It is clever though, I have never heard that one. I do have to give it to her, it's original," Trace said still not believing me. I wanted to reach out and punch him. He didn't believe me, how the fuck did he not believe me? We have known each other our whole damn lives, I would not lie about something like this. I continued to glare at him and the look on his face changed. I could see that he was finally starting understand what I had been saying and was starting to believe it.

"Damn, J, that sucks. I'm sorry." I snorted, yeah it sucked he didn't have to tell me that. I knew it did, I felt so betrayed. I felt like I had had the last six months stolen from me, none of it was true. Nothing that had happened was real, everything had had happened had been a lie.

=

I unlocked the door to the apartment, it had been months since I had been there. I smiled slightly when I saw that nothing had changed. I carried my bag into the living room and set it down next to the couch then shut the front door. It was good to be home, I was happy to be here. Finally some peace and quiet, some time to be by myself. To be myself. I didn't have to pretend to be someone that I wasn't. I didn't have to pretend that I enjoyed being the limelight, I didn't have to pretend that I liked being fussed over. I didn't have to pretend, period.

"Lola, is that you?" I heard Kenzie ask as she came inside from the back patio. I groaned slightly, I did not want to deal with her. I knew she was going to give me the third degree. I just wanted to go upstairs and go to sleep. I was exhausted, physically and mentally.

"Yeah, it's me," I answered with a sigh. A large smile was on Kenzie's face as she walked over toward me, she threw her arms around me.

"It's so good to have you back. I've missed you." I patted her lightly on the back and then just stood there. She pulled away from me and stared. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"You know damn well what happened. I broke up with the man that I love because of you," I blurted out. I hadn't wanted to snap at her like that but it was true. If she had not got involved with the drugs then none of this would have happened. I'm sure I would have met Justin some other way, my sister was in the music industry for crying out loud. There would have been other opportunities.

"You did it? How did he take it?" Kenzie asked. I glared at her.

"Horribly thank you very much. He hates me and probably you too," I answered as I continued to glare at her. I hated her. I truly hated her right now but I knew that I should also hate myself for this going on for as long as it did. It was partly my fault, I should have just said no.

"Hates me too? Why would he hate me too? It's not like you told him about everything," Kenzie said naively. I just stared at her straight faced. I wasn't in the mood for her I'm miss popular and no one hate me kind of attitude. "You didn't tell him did you?"

"Yes, Kenzie, he knows," I answered with a sigh. I just wanted to get this over with. I knew she was going to freak out on me, she was going to yell at me for telling him. She was going to say that her career was over with and it was all my fault. She never took responsibility for her own actions, it was always someone else's fault.

"What do you mean he knows? You told him? Lola, what the hell were you thinking? Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself? You have completely fucked my career. This is going to get out, the media is going to make sure that my career goes nowhere now. What the hell is your fucking problem? Why couldn't you have just..." Kenzie yelled at me as she threw her arms around in the air.

I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped. I just couldn't take her screaming at me for no damn reason. It was her fault we were in the damn situation to begin with. I was not going to be told that I was the reason that she was a completely screw up.

"Kenzie, shut the fuck up! The fucking world does not revolve around you. There are other people in this damn world. You said you wanted to know what I was thinking? Well I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that I just completely fucked up my life. I was thinking that I just broke the heart of the man that I loved, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Kenzie, he fucking proposed to me. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't say yes and marry him. How the hell was that going to work? You're coming back in a few weeks, am I supposed to watch you marry the man that I love? I had to tell him, he needed to know. I should have told him from the beginning, I wanted to but I was advised by you, Dee and mom that it would be a bad idea to tell him. It would be too risky. Well you know what? It was all for fucking nothing, your career is completely fucked and I don't give a shit. I don't give a damn about you and your fucking career," I yelled back at my sister. Her face first started off as anger then quickly changed to shock as I yelled at her. I grabbed my bag that was at my feet and stormed up the stairs. I slammed the door to my room once I was inside.

"Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself?" I said in a poorly done impression of my sister. "Stupid fucking bitch. What the hell does she think I was doing the last seven months? What does she think I did when I agreed to do this for her? I sure as hell wasn't thinking about myself. I was thinking of her. Fuck!" I threw my bag across the room and heard it make a large thud sound as it sit the wall and fall to the ground. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit something or someone. I was not a violent person by any means but right now I was so angry and I felt so manipulated by my sister that I felt like hitting something. Instead of hitting something I threw myself onto my bed and buried my head into the blankets. 

=Chapter Twenty-Three=Cold=

I heard a knock on my bedroom door and groaned. I did not want to deal with anyone right now, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. I wanted to wallow in my own misery, feel sorry for myself because that was the only thing that I had left. I had screwed everything else up.

“Lola?” I heard my mother ask through the door. The tears started to come again when I heard her voice. The door slowly creaked open after a while of silence behind the door. I buried my head into my pillow trying to stop the tears from coming. I didn’t want to cry anymore, I didn’t want to feel this much pain anymore. I never thought someone could have this much pain. Especially me. I had never been known as the heartbreaker. I was the good girl. The good one of the twins, not the heartbreaker that I had turned into.

That had always been Kenzie’s deal, she had always been the center of attention. She was the one that all of the guys fawned over when we were younger. I was always the dorky one of the two, I was always studying in the library while she was on the cheerleading team or having the lead in the school play or singing her umpteenth solo that she had for choir. She was always the center of attention and I was actually happy with that. It gave me time to focus on my studies and crowds had never been my strong suit. While everyone was focusing on her I was able to do whatever I had wanted and not worry about anything.

I didn’t want to face my mother, I knew she was going to upset with me. She was going to scold me for letting all of this get out of hand. She was going to say that Kenzie’s career was over because of my carelessness. She was going to say that all of this was going to be my fault, it was my own doing and I had to deal with the consequences. I did not want to face her for I was in no shape to be getting a tongue lashing.

“Honey, it’s going to be all right,” my mother said softly. I felt the bed shift under her weight and a few seconds later her hand on my back rubbing it softly. A sudden rush of anger flowed through my body; I could feel my body temperature rising. How dare she say that it was going to be all right. It was not going to be all right, the man that I’m in love with, hates me with every fiber of his being. And I don’t blame him because I feel the same way about myself as well. But how dare she say that it’s going to be all right. She was pushing me to do this thing for Kenzie. It’s always about Kenzie.

Damn it, I feel like damn Jan Brady. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. I hated this feeling, I hated being able to be manipulated into to doing this. But I did let them manipulate me, it wasn’t all of their doing. I did have a part in all of this. I just wished that I didn’t have as much of a part in it as I do.

“I’m sure we’ll be able to fix things. I’m sure you didn’t mess things up too badly,” my mother said with a small sigh. Fix things. I didn’t mess things up too badly. That was it. I was not going to take this anymore. This abuse from my family.

I turned my head toward my mother and gave her the death stare. She removed her hand from my back and scooted a little closer toward the edge of the bed.

“Get out,” I said. She started to open her mouth to argue with me. “GET OUT!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Get the fuck out of my room!” She jumped up from my bed and stared at me. She was in shock, I knew that. I had never talked to either of my parents like that before. I’m sure she didn’t know what to say or do. I turned over onto my side so I had my back to my mother, I stood up and turned toward her. She still had the dumbfounded look on her face. I crossed my arms over my chest and continued to glare at her.

“Lola Rachelle, you do not speak to me like that,” she choked out. She actually looked and sounded scared of me. I’m not sure why that thrilled me but it did. Maybe it was because this was one of the few times that I had actually stood up for myself against one of my parents. The feeling that raced through my veins was something that I had not felt in a really long time, if ever.

“And you, don’t disrespect me in my own goddamn house. Get the fuck out right now!” I yelled as I pointed toward my open door. I glanced over at the door and saw the rest of my family standing in the doorway. I new batch of tears started to make their way to the surface. I let out a small whimper. Why were they standing there in my doorway? Why did they have to see me right now? I did not need the rest of them seeing my humiliation. I knew they would all know about it but I didn’t need them to know as soon as it had happened. I closed my eyes as I tried to fight the tears. “Get out of my room, all of you, please.” I added the please at the end for Emmy and Hayden’s benefit. They hadn’t done anything wrong, it was my parents and Kenzie who had done something wrong.

“Okay, we’ll leave, Lo. If you need anything let me know,” I heard Emmy say after a long pause. I wasn’t even sure if I had said the words loud enough for anyone to hear me. Then I heard her encouraging my brother and father down the stairs. I heard her walk into the room and grab my mother. She whisked my mother out of the room. I didn’t open my eyes until I felt her eyes on me. She was standing a few feet away from me. I looked over at her, she gave me a sympathetic smile and reached out for a hug. She pulled me into her arms and held me for a few moments. I held back the tears as best I could. It was tough, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do it but I had. I didn’t want to cry in front of her, I didn’t want to cry in front of anyone. She gave me one final squeeze and then walked toward the door. She gave me a small smile before she shut the door behind her as she left the room. As soon as the door was closed I broke down again. Would this ever end? Would this damn nightmare I was in ever end?

=

I had been staring at the ceiling of my bedroom for who the hell knows how long. I wasn’t sure what time it was. The only thing that I could think about was how cold the bed next to me was. I can’t feel the warmth of her body. I can’t feel anything other than the cold. It seems to engulf everything. The pain and torture that I’ve been going through seems to have vanished for now. I know it is only a temporary thing, it will be back. The pain and torture has turned to numbness and I welcome that feeling at the moment. It’s almost feels like my sanctuary, it’s the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart. The fact that I can’t feel anything is keeping me together.

The memories of the last seven months raced through my head. I began picking out the few moments when I should have questioned her about things. I should have questioned her the moment that we met up with each other at the beginning of all of this. She didn’t seem like herself. Well, I guess she didn’t seem like Kenzie, maybe she was herself. She seemed too nervous and fidgety. That should have been my first sign that something was up. Hell I know I was nervous to see Kenzie again after months of not speaking to one another but I didn’t let it show as much as she had. And the anxiety attacks, Kenzie never had them. Kenzie had always loved being in the middle of a crowd, being the center of attention. That was her thing, she felt like she was in her element when she was in a crowd. She was quite the opposite of her sister, who hated being in the crowds and liked being in more intimate moments. Kenzie hated the small intimate moments, that should have been a major red flag for me but I was so consumed by her that I didn’t care that things didn’t seem right. I was so excited about the idea of being on tour with her and being in close quarters with her.

It was a pretty widely known fact among my friends and family that I had a thing for her. It had never been a mutual thing before then, at least not to the extent that I had wanted it to be. Then when things started to change, she started showing interest in me. That completely changed everything, I fell head over heels for the girl. I couldn’t stop myself, I couldn’t see the signs that were screaming at me to question the situation that I was in. I wanted to scream at myself for not seeing the signs, it was glaringly obvious looking back at everything.

I rolled over onto my side and stared at the empty spot next to me. It was hard to imagine that all of this was over. I slowly moved my hand over to her side of the bed, the coolness of the sheets made my heart sink. I was hoping that they would be warm and smell like her. Even though I knew that wouldn’t be true, I knew they would be cold. I’m sure they did smell like her but I didn’t dare move anywhere closer to that side of the bed. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to handle the torture that would bring me to smell her scent again. I had already had a hard time the moment I walked into my house. Her scent was everywhere. It’s funny how a little bit of a person’s scent stays behind wherever they have been.

I couldn’t take it anymore, I threw the covers off of myself and jumped out of bed. There was no way I was going to get any kind of sleep, I might as well get up and do something. I heard Ollie make a quiet barking noise when he heard me move about the dark room. I ignored him and walked down the dark hallway toward the living room. Maybe watching a little television would distract me enough to get her out of my mind. I flopped down on the couch and reached for the remote. As I flipped the television on I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as Ollie came into the room, he settled down in front of the couch and made a huffing noise when he laid down. He was getting tired of this restlessness as well.

The bright screen came to life as the voices began to make their way through the speakers. I wasn’t sure what they were saying until I saw the image on the screen. I groaned as soon as I saw what was staring me in the face. It was an image of Lola walking through the airport being hounded by the paparazzi. She looked so small compared to the large crowd around her, she had large sunglasses that covered her eyes. She looked terrible, I could tell she had been crying. She looked deflated, my heart sank when I saw how much she was hurting but then I remembered what she had done to me. With that thought the pain came flooding back, I had to bite down onto my tongue to hold back the cry that I wanted to let out. I balled my hands into a fist, I couldn’t change the channel though. It was like a watching a car wreck, you couldn’t look away even though it was tough to watch.

The blonde host came onto the screen and began talking about how things had gone down the night of the blow up. She said talked about what eyewitnesses had seen that night. Thankfully there was not video of what had happened, I’m not sure seeing it would have been a good thing for me. I had to live through it once I’m not sure I could live through it a second time. The pain was becoming unbearable, I had to change the channel. I had to get away from this but I wasn’t sure how. There was no getting away from it.

=

It’s extremely irritating how self my sister is being. All she does is think about herself. Does she not know that this affects me as well? My career is over, through. There is going to be nothing left of it when all of this gets out to the media. Luckily right now no one knows about her pretending to be me. All they know is that she and Justin have broken up. But it’s only a matter of time before someone slips up and lets the cat out of the bag. I am dreading that day.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on her, Kenzie?” Emmy asked as she stood staring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. I look over at my younger sister, and can’t help but see myself in her. She looks like the spitting image of Lola and I when we were her age. The only difference is Emmy had dark brown hair while Lola and I have red hair that we had inherited from our grandmother. I rolled my eyes at Emmy, she had no idea how dire this situation was. “She just had to break up with the man that she was in love with. She’s had to lie to him for the last seven months.”

“Well, it’s not my fault that she fell in love with him. She knew better than to do so, she knew she would have to call it all off eventually.” I knew I was being slightly cruel to my sister, I knew a person couldn’t help who they fell in love with but she should have known better than to fall in love with him. She knew it wouldn’t end well if she did.

“You are terrible, you know that. Put yourself in Lola’s shoes; I’m sure you would be reacting the same exact way.”

“No I would not, because I wouldn’t let myself get in that situation.” Emmy glared at me.

“McKenzie, you are the reason she had to be in that situation. If you hadn’t have gotten yourself so much trouble with the drugs then she wouldn’t have had to pretend to be you for the last seven months. It’s your fault you know. Maybe if you stop being so damn selfish you’ll realize that there are other people in this world that do have feelings. And that the world does not revolve around you.” With that Emmy stormed up the stairs to go check on my sister. She made sure that she checked on Lola every couple of hours to make sure that she was still breathing and to see if she needed anything.

I say just let her wallow in her own self misery and it was her own doing. I did something and fixed my drug problem, now Lola needs to fix this problem that she’s caused. It was time for her to step up and take responsibility for the situation that she has put herself in. None of us were going to fix this, there was no need to do so. We had not fallen in love with a man that we knew we couldn’t have. We had not been the ones to let all of this get out of hand.

I stood up from the couch and slowly made my way up the stairs toward my bedroom. I could hear Emmy consoling Lola; I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t talked to Lola since she came home and told me what had happened. I didn’t see the point, she was just going to cry and say that it wasn’t her fault. She was going to say that it was my fault. And to be honest, it partly was but she had more fault in this than I did. She had to realize this. I walked into my room and slammed the door shut. As I walked toward my guitar I picked up my lyrics journal and a pen. Writing music was my way of escaping this disaster.

=Chapter Twenty-Four=The Blame Game=

I groaned when I heard the yelling coming from downstairs. I couldn’t tell who the yelling was coming from but I knew what it was about. It was always about the same thing, it was always about me and how I had either messed everything up or done nothing wrong. The yelling had been going on for a few hours but it had reached a new level of yelling within the last several minutes. Why was my family torturing me like this? Why couldn’t I just wallow in my own self misery alone? Why did they all have to be there waiting around for me to come out of this “funk” as my father had called it. They had been trying to get me to come out of my room for weeks now but I wasn’t going anywhere.

I just wanted to die, I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. At some point during my last few weeks I had changed into my pajamas but had not done anything else. I laid in my bed either crying, sleeping or prayed to god that this was all just a horrible nightmare.

The yelling downstairs suddenly stopped but I knew that didn’t mean that they had finished, it just meant that one of them was on their way up to my room to come yell at me again. It happened at least once a day, sometimes more. I waited for my door to fly open and either my mother or father or Kenzie to come into the room screaming at me. The only two people that seemed to sympathize with me were Hayden and Emmy. They seemed to leave me alone and let me drowned in my own self pity. Emmy came in every once in a while to check to see if I needed anything, I always told her no. She always told me that she was worried about me, that I needed to eat something. That I needed to move on, that I needed to take care of myself. She hated seeing me like this. Which always made me feel even worse because I hated that she saw me like this. I hated the fact that I was letting myself be like this, that I was letting my family down. Especially Emmy and Hayden. They were the only family that I cared about at the moment. But with all that being said I couldn’t stop myself from feeling the way I do.

Believe me I have tried to stop feeling like a worthless piece of shit but it’s kind of hard sometimes. I’ve completely screwed up my life, nothing and I mean nothing will be the same. Especially once all of this gets out to the media because I know it will eventually. And when it does shit is going to hit the fan and not only my life will be fuck but everyone that I have ever had contact with in my life. Knowing the media the way that I do they will track down ever last person to interview them and find out about my character as a person. And ask them if they ever thought I would stoop so low, if they thought I would ever be the failure that I am today.

I glanced over at the door wondering when someone was going to come storming into the room. As soon as the thought made its way through my head the door flew open. I saw my sister standing there with her usual pissed off look on her face.

“You are a lazy ungrateful bitch! This is all your fucking fault, I hate you,” Kenzie yelled at the top of her lungs. I did like I always did whenever someone came in to yell at me; I zoned out. It was the only way that I could handle any of it. I know I shouldn’t let my family treat me this way but I was far too weak to stand up to them at this point in time. Mentally and physically. “You do know that the media is starting to figure things out. There was some dumb idiot that got footage of the little stunt that you pulled in Hawaii.” When I heard the last part I came out of my stupor. 

“What? How?” I asked as I looked over at Kenzie. How did that happen? There weren’t any cameras in the restaurant. That was one of the reason that he had picked that restaurant because they did not allow the media inside.

“Camera phone, and it has audio,” Kenzie explained. “We’re trying to get a hold of it so that the media doesn’t get it’s grubby hands on it. They got hold of Will somehow and told him that they have footage and audio from that night. They said that they know everything.” 

“How can they know everything? The audio on cell phones are not that good to be able to hear from across the room. They would’ve needed to be standing next to us to hear anything. We weren’t talking that loudly,” I explained as that night rushed back to me, the pain began to grow in the pit of my stomach. I started to fall back into my daze.

“I have no idea how they got it but they did and it’s your damn fault. Damn it, Lola, you need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions.” 

“I need to grow up? I need to take responsibility for my actions? What the fuck do you think you are doing, McKenzie?” I snapped. I hadn’t realized that I had gotten out of bed and was standing only a few inches away from my sister. “If you hadn’t been such a child and gotten yourself messed up in drugs I wouldn’t have had to cover your ass. So don’t you tell me that I need to grow up and need to take responsibility. You need to listen to your own damn advise.”

Kenzie stared at me with a slightly bewildered look on her face; I’m sure she didn’t expect me to move that fast and get that close to her. And to be honest, I was just as surprised as she was. Kenzie started to open up her mouth to argue with me but I stopped her before she could. 

“Don’t even. Don’t even go there because you know damn well that you are a big part of this. Yes, I was the one that fell in love with him but I wouldn’t have been in that situation if you hadn’t gotten yourself mixed up in the drugs and needed to go to rehab. So, you need to stop blaming me for everything because I am sick and tired of it.” I could see Kenzie’s face starting to turn red as she was holding back whatever she was going to say. I was a little surprised that she was holding it back, that wasn’t like her to hold things in. Especially when it came to what had happened, she had no problem going off on me when it came to the situation we were in.

She let out a little growl and stormed out of the room. I watched her go then shut the door behind her and went back over toward my bed. I climbed in and buried my head into the cool blankets as the tears started to flow again. 

=

I clinched my fists and ground my teeth as I made my way down the stairs. I’m not sure what had caused me to hold back what I had wanted to say to my sister but I had. Maybe it was the fact that she was right. Maybe it was the fact that I had been the one to screw everything up. But then again, I hadn’t fallen in love with a man that I couldn’t have.

I had never been in love with Justin, he had always been a friend to me. Nothing more than a friend, maybe a small crush but nothing other than that. I did at one point think about making him a friend with benefits but that had never happened. I was surprised when I heard that he and my sister had fallen in love. They did look good together but then that would be saying that I looked good with him at the same time. And I wasn’t about to admit that to anyone’s face. I was going to be against this whole thing because it had caused some major problems in my career and life. 

I cringed when I heard my mother speaking to Will on her cell phone. She was yelling at him about how he needed to get this apparent video of the exchange between Lola and Justin. I had never heard my mother speak to Will like she had the last several hours. She was calling him every name under the sun that she could think of. It was actually slightly scary to hear my mother talk that way.

“About time she stood up to you,” I heard Hayden mumble under his breath as he rolled his eyes. He continued to play his video game that was on the screen. I wanted to say something to him but decided against it because I didn’t want him to hate me more than he already did. Everyone in this family hated me at this very moment. They thought I was being too harsh on Lola. When in reality they were being to light on her, things would not be as bad as they are if she hadn’t have fallen in love with Justin. 

We would have been able to make this seamless switch when I came back and there would have been no problems. And if there were it wouldn’t be that hard to fix but this was one problem that was going to be a bitch to fix. I’m not even sure that we can even fix it. This is going to create major damage to my career. I’m beginning to think that I should have just come out and said that I was going to rehab. There have been plenty of other celebrities that have said that and had successful careers in the business. I should have just sucked it up and went but it’s far too late for that. Things were about to get out of control very soon. And I sort of envied Lola at this moment because she wasn’t going to have to deal with any of it because she was hulled up in her room feeling sorry for herself.

I was the one that was going to have to deal with the media outcry after they found out that it had been Lola performing on stage rather than me. I’m sure I was going to have to pay back millions of dollars back to the fans for the money that they had spend when it was Lola and not me. I was going to lose a lot of fans from this and possibly gain some. Although they wouldn’t be real fans, they would be the people that would follow me around to watch me screw up and fall on my face. I was going to be under a microscope even more than I already was. 

I still come back to fact that none of this would have happened if Lola had not fallen in love with Justin. She would not have made things so complicated. I know Justin will never talk to me again which actually makes me kind of sad because he was a pretty good friend. It wasn’t like we were like best friends but we were fairly close. I knew if I really needed someone that I could call him up and talk with him but that wasn’t going to happen any longer. This had been damaged beyond repair.

=

“This is not your fault, Justin, you need to stop blaming yourself for it. She deceived us all,” I heard my mother say into the earpiece of my phone. I sighed. She didn’t get it. Yes, it was my fault, I should have seen the signs. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them. 

I should have been suspicious the moment that she had agreed to give us a try because the real Kenzie didn’t think of me that way. She never had. But I was too blinded by the idea that I actually had a chance that I went along with it. I should have paid more attention to everything. There were several things that were screaming at me that something was going on. I should have opened my eyes and listened. But I didn’t and I had no one else to blame but myself for this mess.

“Justin, are you listening to me?” My mother asked. I sighed again. 

“Yes, Momma, I’m listening to you.” I heard her give a loud sigh on the other end of the telephone.

“Then what did I say?” 

“You said that none of this was my fault. That she deceived all of us.” There was a long pause on the other end of the phone.

“Justin, I’m not going to baby you . You’re an adult and you have been for a long time. I’m just worried about you. Trace says you haven’t come out of your house for a few weeks.” I grumbled under my breath, of course Trace said something to my mother. I made a mental note to myself to kill Trace the next time I saw him. 

“I’m just fine...okay I will be fine. Stop worrying about me.” I ran a hand through my hair sighed. This was much worse than I thought it would be. I mean I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised. I had wanted to marry the girl and spend the rest of my life with her. Then she goes and tells me that she’s been lying to me the last several months. I should be furious with her but in all honesty I can’t bring myself to be, at least not as much as I should be. I actually feel a little bad for her. She got thrown into this by her sister and then got mixed up with me. I wish she had told me about this from the beginning. I don’t know if I would have gone along with it but it would have been nice to know. That way, I might have been able to get to know the real Lola. Not the one that was pretending to be her sister. I sighed. “Momma, I got to go. I will talk to you later. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey,” was all she said. I knew she wanted to say more but she didn’t. I hung up the phone and groaned. Maybe I should call her, talk to her. Let her explain everything to me. I looked down at my phone. Only seconds later it rang and I felt my heart start to pound when I saw who it was.