I wake up, reluctant to open my eyes.  My head is pounding and my body is covered in a cold sweat.  My eyes flutter open and then widen with panic.  The room is pitch-black and there is no sign of light anywhere.  I sit up and realize this is not my bed.  Where am I?  My heart is pounding harder and harder in my chest as I whip the sheets off of me, realizing I am wearing nothing but lace underwear.  Where are my clothes?  My head is throbbing, worse than any hangover I have ever experienced.  For some reason, I cannot remember anything that happened last night and I still have no idea where I am.  Panic is setting in.  I cautiously swing my legs over the bed and stand up, but my knees are wobbling and I end up needing to lean back against the bed to balance myself.

 I slowly move away from the bed, cautiously putting my arms out to feel my way around the room.  I must be in their hotel suite.   I will just flick on the bathroom light so I can find my clothes without waking him and high-tail it out of here, before anyone else finds out about this.  I stumble into a chair, but manage to find what feels to be the bathroom door.  I slowly turn the door handle, hoping not to wake him.  I flick the light on, quickly closing the door behind me so the light will not seep into the room.  I really do not think I can handle him waking up right now.  The reflection I am staring into in the bathroom mirror is not a pretty sight.  My hair is a disheveled mess and the remnants of my makeup from last night are still on my face.  There is a smear of mascara around my left eye and my cheeks are pasty and smudged from the faded blush.  Gross.  I need to find my clothes and slip out of here – I have walk-of-shame written all over my face right now.  I look down and realize there is a small trail of what looks like blood. 

I frantically comb over every inch of my body, relieved that there appears to be no cuts or injuries anywhere.  The droplets of blood lead out of the bathroom.  Maybe he hurt himself during the night?  I fling the door open and let light seep into the room.   My suspicions are confirmed and it is clearly him passed out in bed.  I realize that the little trail of blood is leading directly to the bed.  I decide that I am better off waking him up, in case he really did hurt himself.  Upon further inspection, I realize that there is blood all over the sheets. 

This place is starting to look more like a crime scene. 

I am officially freaking out. 

He is breathing heavily and groaning in his sleep. 

I am just about to gently wake him, when I realize that his right arm is physically tied and bound with rope to the bedpost.

What the hell happened last night?   

I reluctantly nudge him.  He must have cut himself and judging by the volume of blood, it is not a simple scrape.  He needs medical attention.  I would go and call for an ambulance but I am mortified for anyone to find out that I am in here so a better plan will be for us to sneak off and take him to the hospital.  His eyes flutter open and my stomach tenses knowing I am going to have to deal with what transpired last night.  The fact that I cannot remember anything at all, after almost a year of lusting for him, is absolutely maddening.  And from what little evidence remains of our little tryst, it is pretty clear it is never happening again. 

“Sadie,” he whispers.

I can feel my cheeks reddening with embarrassment.   “Hey, I think you might have hurt yourself.  I am just going to take a look and we can get you to a doctor.” 

I reach for the rope that is holding his arm captive when I stop and look at the handy work.  The rope is knotted in familiar figure eights.  The same way I always tie knots when I go out on our family sail boat.   I definitely tied these knots last night.  Seriously, what was I thinking?  I know, some people find that kind of kinky, but there is no way I ever have.  Why did I tie him up like that?  This is just humiliating.  He must think I am insane.  I quickly go to untie him, when he grabs my arm tightly with his other hand and pulls me towards him.    

 “Sadie,” he stares at me with his blue eyes.  They are more piercing than ever.  “Listen to me, do not untie me.”

I feel like crying.  Honestly, this has been a very emotionally taxing situation thus far and now he is scaring me.  However, at this point I really have no choice but to comply.   

 “Don’t be upset, Sadie.  I promise I will explain what happened later,” he says, as he releases my arm.  I back away slowly from him, fighting the urge to bolt out of this room and take my chances topless in the hotel hallway.  So he knows that I do not remember anything from last night?  Did he take advantage of me?   “Your clothes are hanging in the shower on the towel bar,” he offers.  He must realize how foolish I feel almost completely naked in front of him like this.  I nod, heading back in there and pulling back the curtain.  Sure enough, all of my clothes are hanging there.  It looks like everything was wet, but everything has dried since except my bra, which still feels a little damp.  Seriously, what the hell happened last night?  I slip my clothes back on and return to the room. 

“Okay, now go and open the curtains,” he nods towards the windows.  I obey without hesitation.  It honestly feels like one of those outer-body experiences.  My mind is racing at warp-speed, while my body is simply going through the motions.  The room fills with sunlight and his body seems to relax. 

“I need you to go over to the mini bar and get my water bottle.”  I fling open the door to the fridge and pull out the bottle, filled with what appears to be cranberry juice.  I bring it over to him, popping the top.

“What about this?” I ask, my hands motioning to the blood stains. 

He stares down at it for a moment, a look of sadness appearing on his face.  His eyes move back up to meet my gaze and he clears his throat.  “Sadie,” he swallows and I can see the lump in his throat.  “It’s not mine…”

Normally, I would be asking about a million questions right now.  Especially while I have him here tied down with nowhere to run until he tells me the truth.  But for some reason unbeknownst to me, my mouth is not working anymore.  My vocal chords have gone on strike and I am literally mute in my state of fear and unease.  I refocus my attention as he starts violently thrashing his arm in an attempt to free it. 

“Just let me untie you,” I offer. 

“Sadie, no!” he bellows.  His eyes narrow as he stares at the bottle in my hands.  “Take the lid off.”

I nod, unscrewing the lid and handing him the bottle in his other hand.  I can see his eyes flash with excitement as he brings the bottle up to his lips.  As he chugs the contents, the color returns to his face.    His eyes brighten once again and he sits up.  He licks his lips before pulling me towards him and before I know it his lips are on mine.  His kiss is deep and passionate and I am starting to feel dizzy again just from his touch.  He smiles as he pulls away, watching the surprise on my face.

“Okay, now I need you to listen to me very carefully.”

I nod dumbly.  Honestly, the way that kiss just felt I will pretty much obey anything he says.  In fact, if he wants to throw down right now while he is half-tied to that blood stained bed, I will straddle him without hesitation.  He has that much of an effect on me.  I am certifiably insane.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, with sincerity in his eyes. 

I nod dumbly again. 

“Alright, I want you to open the door.”  I hesitate for a moment, but head over to it and open it.  Luckily there appears to be no one in the living room off of the suite.  They must all still be asleep.  “Good, now I need you to go back to the fridge and grab me another bottle.  Do not unscrew the lid, okay?”  I nod again, as I snatch another bottle for him and head over to the bed.  “Okay, now do not give it to me yet.”  I wait there on stand-by beside him.  “I want you to back away and when you throw it to me, I want you to run out of here and lock the door behind you.  Do you hear me Sadie?”

I cannot even process what is happening right now, so once again I nod like a complete idiot.  At least as far as the fight-or-flight decision goes, I can bolt out of here without guilt or hesitation. 

“Now Sadie, now!” he yells. 

I throw the bottle across the bed to him and sprint for the door.  I am just about to lock it behind me when I look back and see him grunting and groaning like he’s in pain. 

“JC,” I call out to him, with concern.

His eyes have darkened again and he looks at me with hungry desire.  A monstrous smirk appears, as he breaks his arm free from the bedpost in one swift motion.  In a panic, I slam the door shut.  My heart is beating out of my chest and I can barely catch my breath as I bolt out of the hotel suite altogether and run as far down the hotel hallway as I can until I reach the nearest stairwell. 

My heart is beating a million miles a minute as I breeze through the hotel lobby.  It must still be early because I have yet to pass by another person.  It’s a good thing since I look like a wreck and my mind is sinking into a hazy fog.  I knew there was only one person I could talk about this to who would listen, but it looks like I am going to have to wait a few hours for him to wake up.  In the mean time, all my body wants to do is sleep.  I pass by the driver having a cigarette in the parking lot as I make my way over to one of the buses.  He gives a nod and I open the unlocked door to the tour bus, practically sprinting to one of the bunks.  I rarely sleep on here, but when necessary this is the bus I prefer as there are no distractions in the form of the very sexy but clearly disturbed object of my desire.  I slip under the sheets and close the curtains behind me.  I am just going to take a quick nap to clear my head and be ready to go before everyone checks out.

**

I wake up to the curtains being pulled open.  “Stowaway, you awake?” I hear a familiar voice call out.  I groan in response as I roll over.  

“Joey, what time is it?” I ask sleepily, feeling the motion of the bus moving for the first time.  I must have been in a really deep sleep to not have woken up when they got on the bus. 

“I think it’s like 3:30,” he shrugs as he heads passed me down to the other end of the bus. 

“3:30!  Why didn’t anyone wake me up?  Is Johnny freaking out?”

I hear a deeper voice chime in.  “Sadie, I told him you weren’t feeling well and let him know that you were on our bus.  He said not to worry, he’ll check in when we get there.” 

Lance is always rescuing me. 

I sit up in the bunk as he pokes his head in.  “Hey sleepy, are you feeling okay?”  I sigh as I bring my hand to my forehead.  The throbbing feels like it has gotten worse and it feels like I am running a fever.

“Not so hot.  Hey, do you know what happened last night?”

He turns to ensure that Joey is out of earshot and then leans in.  “Did you sleep with JC?”

“Well, I…think so…”

“What does think mean?”

“Lance, I totally blacked out last night.  I have no idea what happened.  I woke up half-naked in his bed, but I can’t remember a thing.  Did I get trashed or what?”

He shakes his head, “No, I don’t even think you were drinking.  I just saw the two of you go off together and I heard your voice in his room last night so I connected the dots.” 

 My eyes widen a little bit.  “Did everyone else?”

He laughs, “Hardly, they’re all oblivious.” 

I slip out of the bunk and stand up to stretch.  A wave of nausea hits me like a ton of bricks.  I unzip my hoodie to try to fight my fever and I hear Lance gasp.  “What is that?”

“What?”  My eyes move frantically around the bus. 

He points, “On your neck.  You must have really hurt yourself last night; maybe that’s why you can’t remember anything.”

I wince as I head over to the mirror, expecting the worst.  I open my eyes and stare into my reflection.  I look like a hot wreck – a shower is imperative.  But my neck looks normal, not even a blemish.  “What are you talking about Lance?”  I put my hands on my hips as I turn and shake my head.

He stands up and puts his hand on my shoulder.  “Sadie?  Are you being serious?  You don’t see the huge bruise on your neck?”

I shake my head as he takes his digital camera out and clicks a picture of me.  “Look, Sadie,” he says, showing me the screen.  Sure enough I can see a huge bruise on my neck in the picture.  Not to mention the huge welt in the middle that looks like a severe cut or bug bite of some kind.  The room is starting to spin again and I can’t help but have this bad feeling that a certain someone is behind this.  I throw my hoodie back on and slink back into the bunk.

**

I can feel the bus coming to a stop as I turn over in the bed.  Please, just a few more hours of sleep.  There is nothing worse than being sick on the road.  There is no way to take a sick day and no way to escape my work as it is a 24/7 commitment. 

I can hear the light rustle of someone else moving towards my bunk.  It’s probably Joey getting ready to wake me up again.  I hear the footsteps coming closer and then a familiar chill starts to run down my spine.  My pulse starts to race again and I can feel a cold sweat forming on my skin.  The curtain slowly opens and there he is.  His blue eyes stare at me with concern.  “How are you feeling, Sadie?” he asks shyly.  Just the sound of his voice is forming a lump in my throat.  His fingers slowly trail over my forehead and he stops for a moment, sensing my fever.  The heat is making me light-headed and all I want to do is get out of these clothes and take a cold shower.  He slides next to me and his eyes dart around the bus before closing the curtain once more and cupping my chin with his hand.  He pulls me towards him and presses his lips to mine and I start to feel the room spinning.  I feel him unzipping my sweatshirt and I am too weak to push him away as I can feel his eyes focusing on the marks on my neck.  He stops for a second as he stares at the bruises inquisitively.  He licks his lips and I can see the lust burning in his eyes once again as I lay there submissively.  He takes my hand in his and interlocks our fingers and that’s when it happens.  I sit up abruptly as I find myself gasping to catch my breath. 

Another yawn escapes me as I continue my walkthrough of their suite.  It is later than usual and I just want to finish this and curl up in my own bed.  What I would give for seven boyband-free uninterrupted hours of slumber.  I had fantasized about ignoring this responsibility for the night and simply slipping into bed and turning off my cell phone.  The thought of being interrupted in the middle of the night because of the wrong cotton thread-count sheets on the bed or the lack of assortment of cereals available through room service was enough to rouse me up and change my mind.

The click of the hotel room door catches my attention as the missing one rejoins the group.  He slips in, unnoticed by the others, still wearing his sunglasses.  I can feel my cheeks redden as he passes by me to head towards his room.  Lately he seems to be falling into these moods where he disappears and acts aloof from everyone else and tonight is clearly no exception.  I shake my head as I head over to Justin’s room to ensure that the air conditioning is set to his liking. 

JC’s door opens again and he emerges in nothing but sweat pants as he makes a beeline for the kitchenette.  My eyes are glued to him, against my better judgment, as I watch his every move.  He pads over to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of juice and heads back towards his room.  He smiles softly as his eyes meet mine.  I can feel myself freezing in place in response, my cheeks reddening further.  He passes by me and opens his door, leaving it open as he heads over to the mini fridge to put his drink away.  He looks back over at me, clearly noting that my gaze has not left him. 

“Sadie,” he whispers. 

I nervously move towards the open door to his room, lingering in the doorway. 

“Sadie,” he motions for me to come towards him.  I stay where I am due to a mix of embarrassment and disbelief.  He smiles at my shyness as he stands in front of me, reaching an arm out to shut the door behind me.  I let out a heavy breath as I feel my pulse racing in anticipation. 

He looks away from me for a moment, clearly debating his next move.  He seems to have rethought whatever was about to happen and I turn away, wrapping my hand around the door handle.  Suddenly, he grips my wrist and slams the door shut behind me.  I turn to face him and his uncharacteristic forcefulness.  His eyes are burning into me now, darkening with lust.  I feel his hands grip my shoulders as he shoves me against the door, forcefully pushing his lips against mine.  I have never seen him like this, let alone with his energies directed at me.  I let out a moan and he grins in response as he pulls me after him, moving towards his bed. 

I kick my shoes off as I fall down on to the bed.  He hovers over me, tearing at my clothes.  I close my eyes for a moment, taking it all in.  I have lusted for him for years now, resigning myself to lusting for him from a far.  And now, here I am, letting him have his way with me.  I can barely contain myself as he pulls his sweatpants off.  He reaches out for my neck, pulling me towards him.  As his hand tightens its grip I can feel myself breathing harder and my heart beating louder and faster.  His hands unhook my bra and run over my bare breasts and I feel my mind completely letting go as I close my eyes.  I feel his mouth on my neck and I let out another moan. 

Suddenly, I feel a wave of heat consuming my body and a cold sweat on my forehead.  I open my eyes but dizziness takes over and I can barely focus my eyes.  I open my mouth to yell, but I cannot catch my breath.  A sharp jarring pain hits me on the side of my neck like a ton of bricks and I lose my voice completely as tears run down my face in response. 

My hands thrash around the bed, trying to find his touch for reassurance as my eyes close unwillingly.  I am terrified, but I also feel my heartbeat slowing as I slip further into this fog.  My arms and legs fall limp as I feel his grip, pulling on me across the bed.  My mind is racing, but my body has slowed to a stop as my eyes remain closed.  He pulls me to the end of the bed and then carries me in his arms.  I feel him placing me down and then leaving me, but I am powerless to call out to him.  He quickly returns and I hear him turn the shower water on, as his touch and the water both hit me at once.  I shake my head as I come to, opening my eyes and refocusing.  I take a heavy breath as I gasp for air.  He is leaning over me, his finger trailing over my forehead.  My clothes are in a heap on the bathtub floor.  He ensures I am rinsed off and then pulls me out of the shower.  I move to reach for a towel, but fall back as I lose my balance.  He grabs for my arm and towels me down himself.  As his hands move down my body, my eyes widen and I find my mind racing again.  He seems to sense the burst of energy in me as he drops the towel, his eyes trailing across my chest.  He pulls me towards him and I wrap my arms around his waist in response.  He pulls us back towards the bed and I find heat running through my body again.  I sit down on the edge of the bed, spreading my legs apart as he stands above me.  He leans in and runs his eyes up and down, softening his gaze as he focuses on my neck. 

He moves away, heading towards the closet as I sit in confusion.  He returns to the bed with a long piece of rope as I break from my trance, a wash of fear settling over me. 

“Sadie, I need you to listen to me,” he says, tightly.  I nod silently.  He moves around the side of the bed and sits down by the headboard.  “I need you to take this rope and tie me down.”  I raise my eyebrow at him, but from the look he gives me I nod once again and walk towards him.  I take the rope from his hands as he settles down on the bed.  I should be freaking out and running out of this hotel room, but I cannot seem to control my body or my thoughts.  All I know is that I trust him and I will do whatever he asks of me without questioning him.  

I grip his wrist as I tightly bound the rope around it and the headboard.  He yanks on it to test it and seems to feel satisfied with my work.  He settles down on the bed with more ease.  I lie down beside him as I feel him trying to move away from me. 

“No, Sadie.  You should leave,” he says.  I shake my head as I feel the exhaustion of the evening’s events.  “Sadie, I told you to get out,” he groans.  I feel his voice fading in the background as I close my eyes. 

**

He pulls his hand away from mine and I immediately lose sight of the flashback of the past evening.  My instincts are telling me to kick him out of my bunk and to turn in my resignation letter immediately.  Honestly, I do not know what is wrong with me, but I just lost all sense of sensibility when he is around. 

He looks hesitant as he is about to say something when we are interrupted by Joey’s voice booming into the bus.  “Saaadie!  There is a crisis on the other bus – a fistfight.  Come quick!”

I slip out of the bunk, meeting JC’s gaze for one last time before darting off the bus and running away from him once again.  There is something very strange going on and I am still miles away from any sort of an explanation. 

After resolving the throw down between Chris and Justin over a deleted video game top-score, all I want to do is crawl back into my bed and pretend this whole day never happened.  What a complete disaster.  The guys are getting ready for their performance this evening, so I am seriously contemplating curling up with some Nyquil and hoping tomorrow gives me less of a headache.  The guys have headed off to get ready for their show, so I have decided to try to steal a few more hours of sleep in their absence.  I have finally settled comfortably into the bunk when I feel a stirring.  The curtain slowly slides open and I know it’s him. 

“Sadie?” he whispers.

I shift slightly, “JC?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes looking me over with concern.

“Don’t you need to get ready for the show?” I yawn as I stretch my arms out.

He clears his throat nervously, “I need to make you feel better.”

I sigh, “I think I just need more sleep and some herbal tea.”

“No,” he touches my arm and I feel my heart pounding in my chest again.  He runs his tongue over his lips and then lifts me by the back of my head so that I am sitting up, nose to nose with him.  “I need you trust me, Sadie.”  He swallows nervously once more. 

I am losing my voice now, but I manage a faint whisper.  “I trust you.”

He presses his lips to mine once more and I close my eyes.  I feel his lips moves from mine down to my jaw line.  He takes my hand and interlaces his fingers with my own as I feel his lips on my neck.  A sudden painful pressure surges through me, but I feel limp and unable to open my eyes.  I feel him steady me back down on to my pillow and I drift back into a deep sleep. 

**

Against my better judgment, I am still on the other bus tonight.  The dangerous bus.  We are driving overnight and then arriving at the next tour stop tomorrow afternoon.  I napped for who knows how much longer and woke up completely healthy.  All of the flu-like symptoms I had before are gone and Lance insists my mystery bruise is fully gone.  I am getting to the bottom of this, as I fear I am actually losing my mind and need reassurance that the events that have transpired are not completely from my imagination.  JC is currently in the shower while Justin and Chris are playing video games.  Chris swears and throws his controller down, announcing he is going to put a movie on.  Justin does a little victory dance as he heads to the kitchenette.  He sighs heavily as he stares into what is an almost empty mini fridge.  “Sadie, not even some gatorade?  You’re losing your touch.”

 I would have been all over stocking it for them hours ago had I gotten my act together and felt well enough. 

“Seriously, J?  She was sick in bed all day,” Chris rolls his eyes, flinging a pillow across the bus at him. 

Justin flings it back and then takes one of JC’s bottles out.  After popping the cap and taking a swig of it, a look of disgust washes over his face.  He leans over the sink as he spits it out, making a gagging noise.  “What is this shit?  Some acai berry tomato juice crap?”

“I think it’s an energy drink or something,” Chris says, returning his attention back the movie. 

I hadn’t really thought about it before, but it was a little strange that JC bought his own juice.  I was, along with many other monotonous tasks, responsible for stocking the fridges and picking up all of their snacks.  It was just one less thing for them to worry about with their schedules.  While he was certainly the least demanding of the five of them, there would really be no reason for him to go out and take that responsibility upon himself.   I reached over and took the bottle from the counter, looking over it curiously.  It was essentially an unlabeled water bottle with red liquid inside.  I popped the top and squeezed out a tiny drop onto my pointer finger.  I brought it to my lips and winced at the taste.  My tongue burned with the awful metallic flavor that was salty and bitter.  I stood up and quickly downed a glass of water to cleanse my palate.  A horrible nausea moved through me as I realized what that awful liquid may very well be. 

**