"Hollywood's golden couple has fallen and fallen hard. Reports that Malia had an affair with her producer/friend Justin Timberlake rocked the music world. After months of claiming that they were just ‘great friends' the truth finally surfaces in the form of a public statement from none other than, Aaron Steele.  Aaron claims he confronted Timberlake and asked him bluntly about the allegations and Timberlake admitted that he and Malia had a sexual and emotional relationship. He claims Timberlake ‘fell in love' with Malia, crushing Steele's heart. No statements were issued from either Malia or Justin's camp. I guess they are trying to find the silver lining in this ‘situation' and continue to be in hiding together."

*Weeks earlier

            After the morning I had, the last thing I really wanted to be doing was interviews. My stomach was already in knots thinking about what's going to happen his week, I didn't need Aaron to be a complete ass and cause a small argument to become an enormous fight. I wanted to drink my coffee and get out of the house on time, that's all I needed to do. He knew that life was going to get a little crazy. He knew how hectic it could get. He reminds me of a child when he make the biggest deal out of nothing. I have supported him and everything he has done or in his case what he hasn't done for the last year and a half. All I asked was for him to come with me and support me the next few days. I wanted the man I love to be with me. However he informed me that he had more important things to get accomplished than to ride my coattails for the next couple days. He made me feel like I wasn't wroth enough to want to spend the next couple of days with. When I asked him if he was still happy in this relationship, that's when the war started. About ten minutes into world war... eight or whatever the number it is with us I walk away from him and out the front door, slamming it hard enough for him to hear. I sat on the front step waiting for the car to pick me up.

            "Brilliant Piece of Work-Rolling Stone Magazine" My manager Sam reads out loud as I'm sitting in the make-up chair, nervously tapping my brand new fourteen hundred dollar heels on the chair. He is reading reviews for the album, which technically releases to the world tomorrow. I had never been so nervous in my life. If this all goes wrong, it's all on me. Bad vocals can't be blamed on why my well written song hasn't been a success. If anything goes wrong, all eyes are on me. I will be to blame for a horribly written song with bad vocals.

"Master Piece of this Decade - USAtoday" Sam says loud and proud.

"SAM" I snapped. "Please, stop reading those... I'm going to hurl."

"You need to calm down. The album is going to be successful and everything is going to be great for you."

"I sure hope so." I started to pick at my perfectly manicured nails, when I saw Ellen Degeneres herself out of the corner of my eye, walking into the dressing room.

"Malia." She reaches out to shake my hand. "It's nice to see you again." I reached out my hand, trembling from the nerves. I removed my hand from hers, tightening it into a fist. I needed to get control of my nerves. I had to perform and then sit down and chat with her.

"We are going to start the show in just under ten minutes. I wanted to meet you and make sure you were ready."

"As ready as I will ever be." I said laughing.

"Malia." She says.

"Yes." I look up at her.

"Breathe. You're going to do fine."

            I exhaled deeply for the first time in ... a while. I stand pacing around the room, warming up my vocal cords. The sound guy placed the mic pack in the back pocket of my jeans.

"William Rast?" He questioned the jeans.

A smile crept up on my face, "Yes. These are my favorite pair. I'm hoping they bring me some luck today... maybe change the rest of my life."

He laughed. "Trust me. They are going to work for you today!"

            I knew that he was comforting me and getting his job done but it really did help hearing that from a random person. I stepped out onto the dark stage behind the microphone stand, starring at the crowd that was in front of me. The P.A. said, "Thirty seconds..." This was it, it was about to all become my reality.

            I wasn't the front and center kind of person. I always had the passion for writing music and creating music however being in front of crowds scared the hell out of me. I had the worst case of stage freight. Sitting behind a board telling someone what to sing and how to sing it made me happy. My big break was an enormous artist taking a chance on my song. That one song made me a million dollars in less than a month. The calls flowed in like a waterfall after that one song it the airways. I never expected the song to actually end up on someone's album let alone being the success that it ended up to be.

             Then one day, I was recording a demo and the passion I had for sing had come back into my voice, the passion for the song came across. I felt every word of the song. I belted it like I never had before. I felt the rush of performing live on a stage again. I wanted that. I finished the song in one take and I watch as the producer just stared at me. My instant reaction was I just screwed that up.

"I'm sorry." I said to him through the booth. "I totally wasn't paying attention. Let's go back and I will do what I was supposed to do."

He just looked at me, confused face in silence.

"Matt?" I spoke louder into the microphone, hoping to get his attention.

He continues to stare straight ahead, lifting his hand and pressing the button to talk to me. "What the hell was that?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know..." I shook my head, I just wasted the limited time we had today. "Go back to the first verse. I need to do that line in a different note."

He scratches his head. "What... How come... how did I not see it or hear it..."

"What are you talking about Matt?"

"We are not re-recording that track. I won't do it."

"Matt... she is coming in to record the track in three days. She needs the demo."

He scratched his head, his eyebrows were arched and he still looked confused. "I'm not giving her this song. I co-wrote the song and I don't think she is the right one for the song."

"She is the perfect one for the song. Not to mention she is the hottest artists in the business right now. Who do you have in mind for it?"

"You." He said confidently.

"Me?" I questioned, "Ok you have officially lost it. I'm taking the coffee away from you." He was lucky the booth and fifty feet of room was separating us.

"Malia, what are you talking about. That song is... that song is yours. How did I not ever notice the power you had behind that voice... Where did that passion come from?"

"I love music, but I'm a behind the scenes person." He didn't need to know about my mishaps on stage from before.

"No. You're wrong. Have you ever thought of recording an album... touring the country... performing every night for your fans screaming your name..."

"They would have to know my name first."

"It can happen. We can make it happen."

I adjusted the mic in front of me, "Enough silliness Matt, we have actual work to get done."

He rubs his freshly buzzed head. "Yes. We do have work to do now."

            That was the day that started this year long process. I have a couple small club shows and a month of rehearsal under my belt but now, now I was going to grace the stage and perform for millions is just under four minutes.

            The crowd cheered as the show came back from commercial break. This soundstage looks very different than it does on TV. The room isn't so warm and cozy as I thought it was going to look. It was an enormous space with lots of people staring at me.

            Ellen stood in center stage, talking directly into the camera. "With her current single blowing up the charts and her album releasing today she is here to sing the first single for you. Remember this name if you don't already know it, ladies and gentleman, Malia."

            The red light on the camera informed me that it was show time. Surprisingly I wasn't so nervous anymore. The band started to play and I placed my hand on the mic, wrapping my fingers around it when the words started to flow out of my mouth.

            Just like that it was over. I stood frozen as the crowd cheered.

            Ellen dances around the stage before plopping down in her seat.

"So Miss Malia... how the heck are you doing? Other then the obvious, freaking amazing!" She laughed.

I adjusted myself in the seat, crossing my leg over the other, exposing a tattoo on the side of my foot. "I'm doing good, keeping myself busy."

"You have been in the music world for a little while, writing some pretty big songs in the last couple years. Why did you decide to record your own album?"

"I always thought I would be performing live and doing these amazing shows, living life on the road, performing night after night, but then something got in my way."

"And what was in your way?"She asked, she was deeply in the conversation.

"Stage freight."I expressed.

"WHAT? I would have never guessed. You seem too comfortable up there."

"It's been a challenge for me. But I'm doing it. Each time gets a little easier, but I think I will always have that nervous bug."

"I'm glad you got over that because you belong up there!" She sits up straight in her chair. "So, I talked to you a couple weeks ago at an industry party and when I meet people I like to ask random questions. I think sometimes it describes who a person is instantly by their response. So anyways I asked you... if you were deserted on an island and you only had three albums in your bag, what would they be and you said..." She points at me.

"Well I asked if I could take my iPod instead because it's full of great music. But then you said I didn't have that option that I had to choose three albums."

"And you responded very quickly not even having to think about it, with..."

Motioning the first one with the thumb, "Kelly Clarkson, "The Acoustics'." My pointer finger to indicate the second choice, "Evanescence, ‘Fallen' and last but the most important..." I threw up my middle finger, "Justin Timberlake, ‘FutureSex/LoveSounds'." I folded my hands on my lap.

"I have to say, I was surprised by your answers, it showed me that you have an open mind and enjoy great music. But that is an eclectic collection you would have."

"I'm a diverse person when it comes to music." I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"So then I asked you why you chose those albums, and you had briefly mentioned that you have always been inspired by someone musically and it's the reason you eventually followed your dream into music."

Face is slightly red now, "Wow, calling me out so quickly..." I felt the heat in my face as I continued to talk. "Yes. I have always respected the musician and the talent that Justin Timberlake is. He has this touch on music that ... just is amazing. He is a musical genius to say the least. Between lyrics and the actual production of the music he... it's just amazing what he can do." I got embarrassed, "And now that I have scared the man from ever speaking to me or even possibly ever working with me, I will shut up."

"Scrap all of that... he is hot!" She joked.

"Well that's just a bonus!!"

She uncrosses her legs and leans into me. "Well. I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? Did you somehow find a way to make me that kind of musical genius?" My eyes lit up.

"No. I did one better. I brought you... the musical genius himself." She starts jumping up and down, "Ladies and gentleman, Justin Timberlake."

            I didn't think she was serious. I remained in my seat thinking she was just playing with me. No way would he show up here for no reason at all. The music started blaring through the sound system, the doors opened up wide and in walked the legend himself.

Holy Shit. I was in slow motion rising up off the chair turning towards him.

There he was. His beautiful smile, I had seen a million times.

In the flesh.

            He dances across the room, swinging his arms around in the direction of Ellen. He hugged her, the he walked in my direction, walking right up to me.

"H-....Hi" I said nervously reaching my hand out to shake his. But instead he pulls me in for a hug. Butterflies like I have never felt before scatter from my stomach to my entire body. I looked into his eyes, the bluest eyes that were full of life. I felt comfortable in his presence.

"We'll be right back." Ellen says into the camera.

            During the commercial he asked low key questions, the general how are you doing, is everyone treating you okay in the business... did I get a good contract... you know the typical questions one artist would ask another.

            Coming back from commercial I still have that giddiness of excitement. My living legend was sitting next to me but it was a different kind of excitement. He was a normal guy that had talent. He was just Justin.

"So Ellen," he says, "I got to hear the advanced copy of this woman's album. Boy you are all about to be blown away by her."

"Awe. That's sweet of you to say." I said sitting up straighter, "No one compares to you." Throwing a wink at him.

"She is being modest. Amazing album, I agree with USAtoday saying it's the ‘Master Piece of this Decade.' It really is simply a great piece of musical genius."

            Why was Justin reading reviews for my album? I felt overwhelmed with emotions. For him to even take a moment to listen to my album and take enough time to really listen to it takes every minute spent recording that album worth it.

            Ellen looks at me, looks over at Justin and looks back at me, "So if my research, that others did for me, is correct... Justin wrote a song for your album? How is that possible when you have never met before or even worked together?"
"Well..." we both said at the same time. Then "Go ahead..." at the same time.

I nodded at Justin to go ahead and speak. "I wrote the song for my album..." he looks out at the audience and bites his tongue before he realized it they had really heard it. The entire audience gasps. "Wait... go back, I need to rephrase that... I wrote the song for when I get back into the studio for myself... I totally should have worded that differently."

"Well everyone wants a new album Justin..."Ellen chimes in at the perfect timing.

"I know I know... back to Malia's album... After recording the demo I decided it needed to be spoken from a female point of view. A friend of mine and also a producer that works with me, Rob, said he had recorded with this woman last week that had an amazing voice and he kept going on and on and finally I said, "If you think it's the right voice for the track take it."

"So you produced the track?" Ellen asked.

            I sat there diligently watching him speak. He has this grace and poise about him that draws your attention in. "No, I was busy, so Rob produced it. I kicked myself after hearing the finished track and not getting the chance to work with her... long drawn out story short, then you called me and it made up for it." He shined that famous bright smile of his. He reached over and touched my leg, resting his enormous long fingers and warm palm on my jeans. "We will work together. I will make sure of it."

            Ellen just sat there, finally looking into the camera, "What you didn't see at home that everyone here in the audience, including myself, was the fireworks."

            I was confused; I guess I missed them as well. Justin shined his gorgeous million dollar smile and I felt my heart melt a little.

The backstage area of Ellen has become clustered after walking off that stage. It seemed like everyone came out of the woodwork to be in the presence of Justin Timberlake. I, in the twenty minutes of knowing him could feel his awkwardness as he looks around the room. I could feel how uncomfortable he was with everyone staring at him, watching his every move. He is used to it but I could see that he didn't like that feeling of being watched.

                Small talk with these people wasn't normal small talk. They all wanted a piece of you. They wanted whatever they could get from you. They wanted to somehow be part of your life, for their own benefit. I didn't have time to be who they wanted me to be. Sam calls for me to come in the green room. He was a life saver. I excused myself and walked away. He wasn't just trying to save me from that crowd. He had this tense look on his face when I rounded the door and saw him standing there shaking his head in disbelief.

"Sam... is something wrong?"

He turned to look at me. "Aaron was at my office this morning... causing an enormous scene. Hilary handled it but he can't do that, I won't tolerate it."

I lowered my head. "I'll deal with it... It's been a couple rough weeks..."

"He wants your schedule reduced." He rolls up the paperwork in his hands, which was his sure sign of frustration. "Does he seriously think he has any impute on your schedule? Does he not realize that you start touring in just a few short weeks...? What is he going to do then, want a show cancelled because he was having a bad day?"

"I'm sorry Sam." I was embarrassed. "I will talk to him."

"Malia... something has to change. The press loves him. But they don't love him for the good reasons. He could potentially ruin your credibility. I warned you of him when I first signed on to be your manager."

I walked to the other side of the room and picked up the phone. I knew that this conversation wasn't going to be so great. I dialed the number slowly... hesitating between actually hitting the send button. The phone rang four times and I was sent to the voicemail. I love getting the ‘fuckoff' button pressed on me.

I dropped into the chair and dropped my head. "When did I become this person?" I mumbled to myself.

"Boyfriend drama?" He asked from behind me before walking around the room to sit next to me.

"Boyfriend drama is putting it mildly." I said lifting my head with that same giddy grin on my face, "It's like the moment I told him I decided to record this album he changed. He didn't want me to succeed. He didn't want me to outshine him." I looked up at him and was even more embarrassed. "And now that I have disclosed way too much information, I think I should go." I stood up to pack my things back into the bag.

He reached out and placed his hand on mine, I felt a wave of goose bumps like chills run up my arm, causing a flutter in my stomach.  "A lot is going to change very quickly for you. People are going to come in your life and go out just as quick as they came in. I have seen a lot in the decade I have been in this business. Take each thing as it comes."

"I'm stressed beyond belief... the last thing I need to worry about is him and his insecurities about this. I have plenty of pressure as it is, releasing an album and touring. I just hope that it goes well."

"The last thing you need to be stressing over is how well it's going to do. I don't have a doubt about its success. Now on the boyfriend end, I think sometimes relationships can't handle this industry at all. I have been through my fair share. Do what you need to do at the end of the day. If he really loves you, he will stand beside you."

"And if not?" I asked.

He picked up my phone lying on the counter, started pressing buttons then he placed the phone in my hand. "If not, then call me. I will listen to you bitch, cry, vent, scream, whatever. I know what it's like to be in your shoes."

"I bet you're so glad you met me today." I half smiled at him. "Thank you."

"No problem at all. Trust me, I pleasure was all mine."

I was comfortable in his presence. Everything about him made it so easy to be sitting in front of him and having conversations about anything, including why my manicurist would ever think to cut my toe nails that short. It was my biggest worry that everyone would see it. And I pointed it out to the biggest celebrity in the world. Silly me.

I couldn't stay here all day, like I really wanted to. I had to sit and do interviews for the next eight hours or so. I had three performances for different television appearances. Then I would have a nice early walk up call in the morning. Hoping if everything runs smoothly I will get a whopping four hours of sleep.

I turned my back towards him, packing up the things I tore out of my bag. Looking in the mirror so I could see his reaction to the question I ask. "So are you attending my album release party tomorrow?" I watch his face go from his blackberry to my ass, to my face in the mirror.

He swallows hard. "I had already planned on coming... I will get it there... I mean.. I already agreed to show up." He had dirty thoughts running through his mind. I picked up on every one of them.

I smile in the mirror at him, toss the bag over my arm, "I guess I will see you tomorrow then."

"I wouldn't miss it." He says, just seconds before he wrapped his arms around me for a warm embracing hug. His scent was overcoming. He smelled just like the cologne he promoted with a mix of laundry detergent. I was caught up in the moment and probably extended the hug longer than it should have. When I finally partied ways with him, I walked out of that room with the biggest smile on my face. He was amazing.

Six hours of talking to different people with the same questions gets annoying. After the fiftieth interview I was sure I answer some questions differently each time. I couldn't think straight anymore. My brain was fried and it was only around dinner time there was much more to do in the day, including a photo shoot and a live performance at the Grove for late night TV. Of the whole day, that is what I was excited for. I wanted my boyfriend to be there. I climbed into the back of town car that awaited me. I drop my head back on the black leather seat. A smile waved across my face when I could hear the voice of someone very familiar o the radio. It was my favorite song he had ever wrote and recorded. The live version of the song was heart wrenching and I loved it. I loved hearing his raw emotion in the song. Out of nowhere, I started singing along to the song "...Just to be around you is a blessing... Sick and tired of trying to save the world... I just wanna spend my time with you girl...  What you give me lets me know I'll be alright..." I realized where I was and that I was singing at the top of my lungs when the driver looks back at me and asks, "Friend of yours, I take it?"

"Who?" I questioned.

"Justin."
                "Oh. No not really..."

"It just seemed like... never mind, not important. We're here."

 I look down at my phone one last time, Aaron never called me back. I had been busy all day however I didn't miss a phone call from him. He just didn't call. He should be here to share this with me.

Being at the Grove was amazing. Just an intimate crowd, but that crowd knew me. They knew every word to the entire song. It was the most amazing feeling having these random people sing back the lyrics that were so personal to me. They enjoyed the song enough to listen to it, really listen to the lyrics and memorize them. They were my favorite people in the world at that moment.

From the street the condo looked dark. It was after midnight, but he wasn't here. He knew I had a five a.m. wake up call. I walk through the empty condo, a mess left in the kitchen, plates stack in the sink. The dishwasher was arm's length from the sink, but I guess that takes too much effort. The clothes he tossed off this morning, still lying on the floor where he left them. I should be upset that he isn't here. I should be hurt that he just doesn't treat me the way he used to. But a part of me just doesn't care anymore. I was however pissed that he was a grown man who couldn't pick up after himself.

I pull up my contact list running the pearl ball down the list, highlighting a name. A name I never imagine being in my contact list with an actually working number attached to it. It's crazy to think this could be reality. I was going to test reality.

I typed five or six messages, deleted each one before actually sending something. What can I say to him? Should I even send something? Against my better judgment, I type "Thank you for today ;)" and hit send before I can change my mind.

No more than thirty seconds could have gone by, before I got a response. "No, thank you. It was really great to meet you, great job on everything btw. Keep your head up! See you tomorrow!"

My giddiness of the day and the stress of everything else kept me from sleeping most of the time I did have to sleep. Waking up a few short hours later and finding the sheets still empty on the other side of the bed is never a comforting feeling. I crawled out of bed, checked my phone for a missed call, but still nothing. I attempted calling him again, but this time it didn't ring at all. It went straight to voicemail. I gave up, jumped in the shower. I look at myself in the mirror as I stepped out of the shower I noticed the dark circles under my eyes, they were a sure sign I was going to look amazing tonight.

I heard the front door close; I knew it had to be him. I ignored the idea of him. I didn't want to argue with him this morning. Today was my day. Today was a day he wasn't going to take away from me. The bathroom door opened and instead of wishing me a great day, or a simple I love you. He starts to bark at me.

"What the fuck is this?" He holds my phone up in the arm in front of my face, so close that the screen was blurry.

I pushed his hand back, "What's what?" I asked confused.

"Don't play that bullshit on me. Why is Justin fucking Timberlake texting you? Since when have you been talking to him?" he began to mock the text he sent, "‘It was really great to meet you', what the fuck is that about?"

I snatched my phone out of his hands, placing it on the counter. "What is your problem?"

"My problem is you talking to other guys?"

"Aaron, seriously... what is going on? Whatever this issue is with you, has been around longer than the fact that I met Justin yesterday."

He rolled his eyes at me, "Are you sleeping with him?"

I looked over at him slowly, "I have never cheated on anyone my entire life, and it's not going to change now. I met Justin yesterday. He wants to work together..."

He voice got louder and angrier. "Is this what you want? Do you want him now? Because he can have you..."

The knife in my heart has started to turn, forcefully and slow. "He is an amazing songwriter and producer. I'm honored that he wants to work with me. I have worked with a guy producer everyday for the last year, why is this any different."

"I just know how he is."

"You don't even know him." I slid past him through the doorway, tossing everything I needed for the day into my bag.

"I know enough about him. I know that because he is ‘Justin Timberlake' he normally gets what he wants." He removed his shirt tossing it across the room, exposing his newly un-toned chest, his tattoos that meant nothing and the scar above his belly button that he got from a knife brawl in a club in Atlanta.

 I threw my bag over my shoulder and looked up at him, "Ok, you know what... were not having this argument. Today is my day, today my album that I have worked my ass off on is releasing today. I will be gone most of the day today. You know where the party is, if you would like to show up and support your girlfriend.  But if you are going to have this attitude for the entire day, I don't want you there. If that's the option you chose, I'll see you when I get back from NYC next week."

 He stepped into the bathroom and turn on the shower, "Next week you start tour rehearsals... I won't see you then either." He slammed the bathroom door shut.

"Don't. Just don't." I stormed back across the room, opening the door to the bathroom. "Do not go to Sam's office demanding anything. The next time you step foot in that office, Sam is going to have you removed."

"Fuck Sam. He can kiss my ass."

"Aaron..." I said pissed off. "Don't be like this."

                I walked out of the condo in tears. He managed to make one of the happiest days of my life, very sad. I climbed into the driver's seat of my car, not waiting for the town car to pick me up. I needed to clear my head a little and hopefully be ready to perform with a clear head. Nothing seemed to work, I hadn't even had my coffee yet. I shouldn't be dealing with this.

                I saw a Starbucks on the corner, and I knew that I was going to be late but I really don't think they want me around them without coffee in my system. I looked around and saw that it wasn't busy, I guess why would it be at five in the morning? I grabbed the hat from the backseat of the car and pulled it down over my face. I didn't want the world to see my face like this. Crying and not getting sleep never mix well. I quickly got out of the car and rushed into the store. The smell of coffee bean awoke my senses. Just the smell of coffee made me feel better.

I stood in line patiently waiting for them to hand me my coffee, when I heard. "Well, look who seems to be following me?"

I turned quickly, I knew the voice, I knew it was him. "HEY! What are you doing up at this god awful hour?"

"I had to be on set at 5:30. But as you can see, I'm not quite awake, I need this..." he lifts his cup in the air. "Or nothing will get accomplished."

The girl slid my cup to the edge of the counter, I picked it up quickly, taking a big gulp. "Me either."

"What are you doing up this early?" he asked.

"Work. I have to be over at Good Day L.A. in about twenty minutes. It's been a hell morning and I'm ready to get this all started." I look at his cup, noticing a little note to him. "Well Mr. JT... it looks like you have an admirer..."

He turns the cup around to look at it, "Seriously... that's funny shit."

I leaned in close to him, "You should call the number, maybe it's the booty call you have been waiting your whole life for. Maybe she could rock your world."

He smiled at me, pulling me in close to him, "She only wishes I validate that booty call and rock her world..."

Bad, bad thoughts run through my head, I laugh it off with the biggest grin on my face. "Are we cocky Mr. Timberlake?"

"Naw, I just speak the truth."

"Honesty is the best policy." I winked at him, "I have to go, and they're going to have to work miracles on this face this morning..."

He took his arm and wrapped it around my back, pulling me into his chest. His smell overtook any scent I had. He leans down and whispers, "You look beautiful. See you tonight."

His grip let go of my waist, I smiled at him, nodded and walked out of that coffee shop. I got to the outside of my car and fumbled with the keys, dropping them to the ground. He had flustered me. No one has ever flustered me like that. I bent down to pick my keys, trying to compose myself. I got to my feet and I hear him hell across the parking lot, "Nice jeans!" I shake my head at him, laughing to myself. My face had to be the same shade of red as a fire truck at this moment.

 "You're late!" I heard Sam say as I rush past him and into the makeup chair.

"I know I know... I had to get coffee..."

                I sat there staring at my feet. The damn short toe nails were going to drive me bonkers. I can't believe I told Justin about my damn toe nails. Justin. The smile on my face won't go away. It was a permanent fixture. Sam left the room as they finished my hair and my makeup, only returning to hand me some things to sign.

"Five minutes to live..."

I stood from the chair and walked towards the soundstage. I don't think I would ever get used to doing this all the time. I was not too fond of people wanting to know private things about me. So when the first question in the interview suggested something, I was thrown off guard.

"In Touch Online has posted some interesting things over night that I thought were pretty interesting."

"Oh really. That's funny. I haven't heard this." I look over at Sam who is standing behind the camera, shocked just as well.

"An onlooker claims they saw you and Justin Timberlake, in a romantic embrace after the Ellen show. They also claim that you both have known each other for quite some time. They you have been seeing him regularly for the last six months but wanted to keep it quiet because of the ciaos it would cause."

 I laughed, "That's so funny because I seriously have never even spoken to him before yesterday."

"You're not going to elaborate on the stories." She asked, thinking I was hiding something.

"Why should I, they are just stories. He is an amazing artist that I have always admired. I'm not going to lie about that. I would love to work with him one day."

"Everyone saw the interaction between the two of you. It looked like..."

I interrupted her, "It looked like two people meeting for the first time. I never saw the playback of the interview but I met him yesterday, that's the end of it." I was frustrated.

She seemed annoyed that I wasn't going to talk about something that was obviously a waste of time. Awkwardly she starts to ask questions about the album and the upcoming tour. "Most new artists don't get the chance to do their own headlining tour with their first album. Are you nervous about having the carry the entire show yourself?"

"Yes and no. We tried something different with this tour. With the success of the first single we decided to release the tour information early and hope that people are interested and coming out to see me. Well it was a success. No one even had the album yet and tickets were selling, they were selling well enough that we added some dates at the beginning of the tour and to the end."

"That's almost unheard of." She says staring at me.

"Well, it's working for us."

Interview after interview that day seemed to blur one after the other. When it was time to get ready for the release party I began to fill the effects of everything. A room at the Hilton had been set up for us to get ready in. There I sat in a pair of jean shorts and a tank, eating dinner in the grand dining room. I felt out of place with everyone around me already in their attire for the evening, executives, producers, writers, public relations, and everyone else that has helped with this album. I smile and play happy around them but the only thing I see is the empty seat next to me. In every conversation, in every look around the room, I can only see that empty chair.

"MALLIIIAAA!!!!" I heard a female voice bellow across the room, causing it to echo in this enormous room. A smiled waved across my face as I see her standing at the end of the table. Bouncing her head back and forth, hands on her hips, making it known that she has entered the room. Finally, some serenity, I jumped out of my seat running towards her.

                "Janelle!" I said giddy shaking my hands. "I'm so excited that you are here. Ahhh!!!!" I screamed.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world." She steps back, "But I hope that's not what you're wearing tonight."

I laughed at her, "Of course not. I have something a little sexier than this planned to wear."

She looked around the room at everyone that is staring back at us, she turned to me with the biggest smile on her face, "He is not here?"

I looked over at the empty chair next to mine, he wasn't here. He really didn't show up. "Who isn't here?"

She leans in whispering, "Justin."

"Justin who?" I asked.

"You're silly. Where are you hiding him?" She looked around the room again.

"I don't have a clue what you're talking about." Then it came clear who she was talking about. "Oh... Justin."

"I don't care where you have him hiding as long as you are getting to take advantage of that sexy man."

"Janelle."I said talking through my teeth.  I turned and told everyone that we were going to head upstairs to get ready.

                Janelle was the one person in my life that got me, every detail of me she got. We met as interns working for Universal Records, we had the glamorous job of stuffing packets for artists, and sending them off to venues, magazines, and television shows. It was nowhere near a dream job but it allowed us access to music on a daily basis. I spent many days and nights in the studio watching everything I could, taking in as much knowledge as I could. When the time came, Janelle took the job as a Jr. Executive for Universal Records when we graduated and I opted for the producer route. She bounces from New York City and L.A. working with artists personally. We both loved our jobs but it kept us apart most of the time. She was the first person I called when I decided to make a record. She convinced me that it was the right choice; she was the one person I wanted with me for this occasion, other than my boyfriend. At least I got one of them.

                My parents were very supportive of my decision to take the route I had but they have distanced themselves from me for two reasons. One, they didn't enjoy the spotlight, any part of it. They were content with their nine to five jobs and being as supportive as they need to be from a distance. The second reason was Aaron. They hoped for a long time that it was just a fling and it was something new but as the years pass and were still together, now they just hope I never end up marrying him. The three of them can never be in the same room together.

                I stood in that elevator with my head tilted against the back wall. I exhaled deeply. I couldn't believe of all days for him to completely ignore me, he chose today.

"Honey what's wrong. You look sad. It's an exciting day." She bounces around the elevator, causing it to shake around.

"He should be here to celebrate this day with me."

"Where is he?"

"I have no idea, he never came home last night then this morning as I was leaving he showed up and he threw a fit about me talking to Justin Timberlake and he blew up..."

She stop in her jumping adventures, threw her hand up in the hair like a stop sign, "Wait, back up... Who are we talking about?" She was confused, or it could have been the fact that I was rambling.

"Aaron, he should be here..."

"Oh shit. I thought you were seriously with Justin now."

"No. You shouldn't believe everything you read there Janelle." The elevator door opens to the floor we need to be on and we step out onto the floor.

"I haven't read anything; I saw the way you looked at each other on Ellen. I see it in your eyes just at the mention of his name."

                I rounded the corner to see a bell boy attempting to open the door to our suite, juggling an enormous vase full of flowers. I rush over to the door to open it for him. The door swings open and he walks in the room, placing them down on the stand before turning to leave.

"Someone sent you flowers?" Janelle asked as she ran towards him.

"Doubtful." I said as I pick up the envelope in the flowers.  To my surprise, they were for me. "Wow. They are for me."

"Well open it... I wanna know who they are from." She stood antsy waiting for me to open the card.

                I assumed they were from my parents, they always sent me flowers for everything. But they had no clue I was here today, they would have sent them to the condo. I slid open the manila colored envelope and removed the bright yellow card inside. I read in his neat, all capital lettered handwriting, "Congratulations. Save me a dance and room for some shots! It's time to celebrate the start of an amazing career. See you tonight. - Justin"

As I read the card in my head, I feel the happy energy that resides inside of me. This was an exciting day. This day was going to be what I make it. Aaron was not going to ruin this for me.

"Who are they from?" I heard her asked as I was still staring at the card. She snatches it out of my hands, turning her back towards me, reading the card before slowly turning back around to me. "These are from Justin. Are you still trying to deny something from me?"

I snatched the card back out of her hand. "No. I'm telling you the truth. There is nothing to hide." Why was it so difficult to believe that Justin and I were not in a relationship?

I walked into the room where I removed my dress from the bag, placing it on the outside of the bathroom door hook. I had spent a lot of time picking out this particular dress for this particular day. I slipped it off the hanger and only my body. It fit like a glove; the coral color has got to be the prettiest color I had ever seen. It was short, very short but it was perfect. The one shoulder strap had the delicate detail running across the shoulder blade. The empire was going to make me appear like I actually had a chest area.

"This is the dress for tonight?" Janelle asks.

"Yes." I said, slipping on the shoes, strapping them on securely.

"It's gorgeous..." she said, before swallowing her pride, "I'm sorry about the Justin thing earlier. I really thought... never mind... you look amazing."

"Thank you. You look gorgeous as well. That pale yellow does wonders for your tan skin."

"But I hope you know, looking like that..." she points at very short hem on the dress. "That is going to drive him crazy. Especially with those heels making your legs look a million miles -"

"JANELLE!" I yelled cutting her off.

She tries to take cover by placing her hands over her head without messing up her freshly done hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't resist."

I have to laugh about it because never has it been such an interest for her to be fixated on a guy in my life. She always said, I will never get close to any of your boyfriends. The day I become friendly with one of them, you will know he is the one. I always laughed at her because she thought she had that kind of power. I always wondered why she was still single, if she had that kind of power. She was convinced she hadn't met the right one yet. She had lots of theories on love and fate. I have to admit she has been right in the past.

Hand and hand we step out of the limo and watch as the flashes become blinding, everyone screaming my name from every angle. She leans into me and says, "Malia, I love ya and you're my best friend but you have to do this on your own." She drops my hand and walks past the step and repeat leaving me stand there by myself with just management. The task seemed daunting but I placed one foot in front of the other and started the interview process. Speaking into hundreds of microphones answering even more questions was overwhelming. They all had the same question about Justin... Where is the boyfriend that I claimed I still had... and if I was happy to have the album out? Seriously the questions weren't even original.

It was my turn to step in front of that backdrop that had my name plastered all over it. The cameras break for just a split second as we exchange places, I wasn't in the spot marked with an X yet and the clicking began. I attempted to listen to as many of the photographers as I could but there were just so many screaming at the same time. The smile planted across my face widens as I see out of the corner of my eye, Justin winking at me. He was next in line to be harassed. I had a sudden wave of timidness that was making me very nervous to speak to him. When Sam finally says its time they let me go, Justin walks up before I left the spot. He grabs me and hugs me. "Congratulations." He steps back and has a huge grin on his face. "It's finally out there for the world to hear!"

"I know scary right?" I leaned in closer to him, "Thanks for the flowers. It totally topped my day. I owe you."

"I'ma hold you to that." he points at me.

I had forgotten where we were, and what were supposed to be doing. I heard the photographers starting to chant, "Picture. Picture. Picture. Justin, get over there with Malia." He looked at me, looking for approval. I grabbed his hand and pulled him over next to me. We stood there and took photos together, laughing at each other being stupid. If we would just stand there for twenty seconds it would be over with but we couldn't manage that.

"Malia, we need to get you inside." Sam says as he grabs my hand and drags me inside the venue. Once inside I felt relieved, I didn't have to do anything except have a great time, maybe talk to some people about the music but a great time is what I had intended on. Oh yea, and those shots....

An entire room full of people staring back at me as I walk through those doors was overwhelming but I walked through that crowd saying hi to everyone as I made a B line to the bar. The bartender who looks like a male model, talk, dark skin, and handsome asks winking at me "What can I do for you?"
I leaned into the bar, "You realize that's a loaded question, right?"

"Oh, it's the perfect question." He said back.

I shook my head, laughing at his blatant attempts to get someone to take him up on that offer. "I'll take a Whiskey Sour ..."

"... And a shot of 901." A man's voice from behind me interrupts.

I turn around quickly and see that it is Justin standing right behind me. I smiled and turned back to the bartender, "Make that, two shots of 901 and two Jack and cokes."

He nodded his head, a little disgusted at the site of Justin, he turned to make the drinks.

"I hope you can handle your own tonight, because I can handle a lot." He said with attitude.

"Is that a challenge you're inquiring Mr. Timberlake? I don't think you know who I am."

He pressed his lips together, attempting to make a cocky face, "BRING IT!"

We raise our glasses, clinking them together and bottoms up, the bite known as tequila begin to roll down my throat, the tartness of the lime causes my face to twitch. I was never really a tequila girl but the 901 was worth it. I watched as he bit into his lime, causing lime juice to drip down his chin. I reached up to whip it away and for a split second the world froze in time. My hand was on his face, whipping the drip away with my thumb, his hand came up on wrap around my wrist, our eyes locked, a smile waved across our faces. Chills ran up and down my entire body, causing me to shake from cold chills. "Are you cold?" he asked.

"No, the complete opposite."

He pointed to the VIP area that was blocked off for me. "Let's go up there?"

The crowd up there had already gathered, causing us to separate and talk to others that were there. Each moment I would look up I could see him out of the corner of my eye, looking at me. I was flattered that this gorgeous man was indeed checking me out.

"SHOTS!" Janelle yelled.

"Can you handle another shot there Malia. We made need to start giving her water!" Justin said to me as everyone around him was like "OHHH." He had no idea that at that moment he initiated a challenge.

Janelle turned to Justin, "You underestimate Malia. That girl can drink you under the table on any given day."

"Ohh were going to see about that." Justin says as he grabs two shot glasses in his hand and hands me the other.

Janelle says laughing, "It's your head in the morning Timberlake. I have learned my lesson the hard way."

We all took the glass into our hands, Janelle starts to speak, "This is to my best friend, who is about to embark on a new life, new adventures, and new loves in her life." She looks over at me then over at Justin. "Here is to venturing into the future. And here's to the success of her album. I love ya girl!"

Bottom's up. The more alcohol that came my way the more I wanted to be on that dance floor. I was attempting to make my way there as I got stopped by everyone in my path. It's not going to be an easy task to simply do what I wanted anymore. Meeting people and remembering their names in the morning was two separate tasks for me. I could remember some, but when there are a thousand people in your face, there is no possible way it was going to work. Sam seemed irritated that I didn't want to mingle any longer. I wanted to forget about that part of the job and dance. So when Janelle pulled me away from Sam and onto the dance floor I didn't resist.

The music was pounding and my hips were swaying back in forth and the alcohol was flowing at the perfect rate. I found my hands running through my hair, enjoying the way the song made me feel. I haven't felt this free in a long time. I can't even remember the last time I got to dance with Janelle like this. We may have been interns at the time. There was a time when we would go out at least three or four times a week, just to dance. It was a better work out than going to the gym.

I saw Mr. Lonely up in the VIP area watching us, I look directly up at him and with my pointer finger motioning for him to come join me down to the floor. He just shook his head no, with a grin on his face. I ran my tongue on my upper lip, biting down on my lower lip and decided that he was not going to tell me no. I watched his every move as I made my way off the dance floor and up the flight of stairs to find him up there, alone. I topped the stairs and see him leaning against the balcony, watching as I walked up close to him. I planted my hand on my hip, perched my lips to the side. "Are you Mr. Anti Social or something?"

"No." I watch as his eyes wander down my body, slowly coming back up to my eyes the closer I got to him. "I was enjoying... just watching you."

I stepped as close as I could to him, I don't know if it was the amount of alcohol we had both taken in or the fact that I just didn't care anymore, but I wanted to be close to him. I started to move my hips around him, grazing up against him lightly as we moved from side to side. His raspy voice and deep breathes breathing on my neck was took much to handle, "You look... stunning." He says seductively. "Just simply stunning." His playful admission gave me butterflies, the whole stomach turning, top of the world kind of butterflies.

"Thanks." I said almost embarrassed. I slide his hat off his head, "Your curls... their gone." I said surprised.

"Yea, it was time for a change." He put the hat back on his head.

I shrugged my shoulders stepping away from him. "Too bad... I'm a sucker for the curls."

He reaches out, grabbing my wrists and pulling back in front of him, "It'll grow back and when it does, I won't get rid of it again."

I started to grind my hips into his body, slowly getting closer to him, slowly reaching a point where I could feel the heat radiating off of his skin. I could feel the stubbles on his face against my face. I felt his body pressed against mine, backing me into the wall. His arms went over my shoulder, balancing up around me, looking straight into my eyes. His face came closer to mine, I came closer to his...

"Malia... Malia... Where are you Malia?" I heard Janelle, yell up the stairs, causing us both to freeze up, stepping back from each other. "Oh... there you are. I'm sorry did I interrupt something?" She asked.

Justin and I look at each other smiling, "No." I said, "We were just... dancing."

"Well... everyone is gone. Let's go somewhere else!" Janelle takes another swig of her beer. "Jared and I would like to continue drinking."

I glance over and see Janelle's friend for the night. He was a very good looking, but he looked a little over arrogant. "What do you mean everyone is gone? What time is it?" I asked looking around for a clock.

"It's a little after three. Are you ready to go home, do you want to go drink more?"

I look over at Justin, who still has that cheesy smile residing on his face, "Why don't you all come back to my house. I have plenty of alcohol there and room for everyone to crash."

I didn't wait for anyone else to answer, "Let's go!"

And away we went. The four of us climbed into the back of the car that was waiting for me. I was the last to get in and I climbed in resting halfway on Justin's lap. He had his arm wrapped around me, with his right hand caressing the side of my right leg. It was the sensual kind of touch, the one where you know he did it by habit, like he had done that for years without thinking about it.

Janelle reached across the seat grabbing my hand. "Great night with great people."

"I have to say, I agree. It couldn't have been any better!"

Jared, who is a stranger to me buts into our little moment, "Aren't you two cute?"

We both laugh almost on cue, who did he think he was?

The feeling of  Justin's hands wrapped around my waist as I stumble out of the car sent shockwaves through my system. He stood out of the car slightly stumbling as well, I take his hand into mine. I look down at our hands intertwined, they fit. I have seen that happen in movies and in fairytales, but never had I saw it happen to someone like me. I couldn't stop looking down at them.

"Is there something wrong Malia?" Justin asks as the door flies open. Inside I see the beautiful white marble floor with the dark mahogany staircase wrapping around the entry way leading to the upstairs. The long hallway that leads to the kitchen I would assume, with the small light in the darkness.

"No, nothing's wrong, just thinking about something."

He pulls me in closer, twisting me around, wrapping his arms completely around me, resting my head on his chest. "I want you to be ok."

"I'm more than ok." I lifted my head off his chest, "Where's this stock of alcohol you have?"

"Come." He says. I kick off my heels in the entry way before he leads me down the hallway and into the pantry next to the kitchen. Inside the pantry were racks of wine and whiskey, lined neatly in the racks where they belonged. A stainless steel door opened reveals a walk in cooler. I drop his hand and walk in the room, spinning around "Oh, I am in heaven!" I walked over cracking open a beer, and started to chug it. "I need one of these!"

"Have as many as you would like." He says opening one of his own taking a swig of it.

"Oh, I'm talking about the cooler. This is genius!"

"I thought I was the genius?"  he laughed, "I guess I can be easily replaced."

"Sorry, it's alcohol... you should have known."

I turned to look at him and all I see is this southern gentleman trying to have a conversation with me and all I can think about is pushing him up against the cold cooler and having his lips on mine. I wanted to feel his hands all over my body. I wanted to run my hands over his freshly shaven head. I wanted him.

He tilted his head to the side, swirling his bottle around in circles. "What are you think about over there in la la land?"

Screw it...

Without saying a word damn near launch at him. Not slowly, not wasting a second. I push him against the wall. I tossed his hat on the floor, running my hands over his head, having the stubbles run across my fingers. The palms of my hands rested behind his head, caressing the back of his neck. I could feel the ice cold wall on the back of my hand. I wanted to get lost in those ocean blue eyes. Breathing heavily on the side of his neck, I press my lips down. Finally skin on skin contact. I start up the side of his neck and can feel his groin area twitching, my body was pressed so tightly against his, I could feel his every move. His hands come up over my face, cupping them enough to pull my face up to his. He tilts his head sideways and I tilt mine the other way. His lips were finally on mine.... The bottles hit the floor, crashing into each other. Not stopping we continue slowly embracing each moment of our lips on each other's. I felt his hands reaching for the hem of my dress, inching it up slowly until his hands were on my ass. I leap into the air, wrapping my legs around his waist keeping my lips locked on his.

I felt him pull back from my face and he loosened his grip on my bottom causing me to put my feet back on the ground. He holds my face at a distance I didn't want to be at. "I can't..." he says.

My eyes flutter open with a heavy heart and a heavy head on a pillow in a bed that was not my bed, in a house that was not my house, wrapped in the arms of a man that is not my boyfriend. The long fingers of a man I had become close to very quickly are intertwined with mine, locked and tucked against my stomach. His chest is pressed against my bare back.  What had I done? The three quarter empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the side table was a sure sign that I had not made the best of choices last night.

Ice cold hands against the cold steel of the freezer... Boiling hot flesh against each other...  His lips on mine...

How the hell was I going to get out of this bed without waking him up, was the only thing I could think. I start to wiggle my way to the edge of the bed before I felt his grip get tighter, pulling me back close to him.  He moans at the idea of being awake. The clock on the nightstand said, 10:14am.

"Fuck" I said out loud. I jumped out of that bed quickly before I found myself sitting back down on the bed. The room seemed to be spinning a little. "Oh my god, I feel like shit."

"Oh Miss I can handle anything doesn't feel too good." I hear him mumble as he stretches out of the bed.

"I think I missed my flight." I ran my fingers through my hair, gripped my hands over my head.

"What time is the flight?" He asks, still asleep.

I look back over at the clock, "About twenty five minutes ago. Sam is going to kill me."

"Sure looks like you missed the flight. Did you have anything scheduled as soon as you got there?"

"No. I think it was just an evening photo shoot and a club show tonight." I stood finally with both feet planted on the floor and I look down and see that I still had on my bra and my panties. I was sure that if I was as drunk as I know I was and had sex with him I wouldn't have put any clothes back on. That was kind of a relief. The room seemed to stay stable enough for me to find my dress that was lying wrinkled on the floor. I bent down to pick it up and Justin sat up firmly on the bed. I guess the vision of a woman bent over in just panties did wonders for him.

"You... can't... do that." he said shaking his head trying not to look at me but he couldn't help but continue to look.

"I can't do what?" I turned back to look at him.

"You need to put that dress on..." he flipped over the side of the bed, looking at the other side of the room. "I can't... I can't look at you like that."

"Well now, I didn't realize that I looked that bad without clothing on." I said as I rushed into the bathroom. I knew what he meant but I couldn't let him know that what was running through my head at that moment was exactly that he was thinking.  I sat down on the side of the giant Jacuzzi tub and dropped my head. Why was it that a part of me wished that I would have slept with him? I wasn't sure if they made me a horrible person or human. I had never in my life even looked at another guy in that way while I was with someone.

There was a light knock on the door as it opens, "I'm sorry about last night..." he says.

"No, I'm sorry. I was way over the line. I shouldn't have pressed you against the wall..." I rub my hands over my face, remembering the way it felt to just overtake all those feelings and go for it. "I screwed up."

"You didn't screw up... it's not like that." he said.

"I know what I did was wrong I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that..." I trailed off.

"I wanted to take you into my arms. I wanted to feel your body against mine... I wanted you" he closed his eyes, "I wanted every piece of you, but I couldn't be that guy for you. I have had my heart broken from someone cheating on me... Even though Aaron is a douchbag I still can't be that guy...  I want to make you happy... I don't want to be a one night stand. And if that's being the best friend that I can be for you right now, then so be it."

"I can't believe that you are so amazing..."

"Is that a compliment or a low blow of some kind?"

He must not realize what kind of person he really is. "Complete compliment. I didn't expect anything from you in my entire life. You're just this person I never thought I would ever have the chance to get to know and you're much better than I ever imagined."

He steps over to me, bending down to me at my level putting his hands over mine. "What's funny is, the real prize... is you. I don't think you see how truly amazing you are."

"I don't want any of what happened or what didn't happen last night affect us."

He continued to caress the side of my hand, "I want you to call me when you're having a bad day. I want you to call when you have a melody or lyrics stuck in your head that you can't get rid of. I want you to call me just to say hello."

"I will. I promise." I stood and wrapped my arms around him, the embrace of his hug lingered as I walked out of his bedroom and down the hall. Looking in every room for Janelle and the guy she brought with her... Jared... I think that was his name. I knocked lightly on the fourth door and she says "Come in."

I opened the door and there she was naked, walking around the bedroom. "Janelle. Clothes."

"I'm looking for them... they seem to be scattered a bit." She picks up her bra, latching it behind her back. "What time is our flight this morning?"

I bent down and picked up her dress that was sprawled across the floor near the door. I should be glad she made it this far into the room with it still on. I tossed the dress to her. "We missed our flight."

"WHAT?" She stopped in her tracks. "Shit Shit shit... I have to be back in NYC tonight."

"Yea, me to. I need to call Sam and find out what he wants me to do. My phone is dead and I don't have my charger with me."

"My phone has some life left in it, his number should be in there."

"I'm going downstairs, I need coffee. I will call him but we have to go very soon."

I walked down the staircase looking around at the magnificent style and class the house had. It was nowhere near the bachelor pad I expected him to live in. The marble floors were the perfect touch to the entry way. I always thought the first glance you have at someone's house should be very important. And this entry way had the perfect touch of class and elegance. It was a sample of what the rest of the house looked like. I rounded the bottom of the stairs and walked into the kitchen, right into the aroma of coffee bean. He not only was a gentleman, he was a great coffee maker. If I was out of bed, I wanted my coffee, and by the looks of things, so did he. He stood at the counter in his boxers, which hung very low. I stopped, collecting my thoughts and controlling my urge. I can do this.

"Coffee?" he asked handing me a cup.

"Oh thank you so much. Coffee is a must."

"Have you talked to Sam yet?"

"No. I'm going to call him now. I needed coffee first."

He pointed over at the counter need the back door. "There's a phone right there if your cell is still dead."

How did he know my phone was dead? Maybe I said something last night about it.

I have never been one of those people who get really drunk and black out everything that happened the night before. Strangely I was good at remembering every detail of the night before. I didn't like the feeling that there was a lot of the night missing from my memory. I don't remember much after the cooler incident. I know that Justin and I argued about sleeping in the same bed. He said no, and I demanded it. I won the argument of course; he didn't fight it once I told him there wasn't any other option. Selfishly I wanted to feel someone near me. I haven't had that kind of comfort in quite some time.

With the blankness of the night before I had to focus on what was ahead. I had to talk to Sam. I picked up Janelle's phone and scrolled down her contacts. Sam was indeed in there. However the blinking red light on the battery icon was a sign that I couldn't make it through a phone conversation without it dying on me. The last thing I wanted was Sam to know where I was, where I had spent the night. Suck it up.

The phone rang twice before he picked up, confused. "Malia?"

"Hey Sam, its Malia." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Shouldn't you be on a plane, not talking to me from a landline phone number?"

I dropped my head. "Yes, I missed my flight. I overslept. My phone died and the alarm didn't go off."

"We have a private flight going to NYC at 12:15 can you make it to the airport by then?"

"Yes, Janelle has to come as well."

"That's fine. Don't be late. We'll talk about everything on the flight."

Fuck. I knew it was too easy to be over with. "I'll see you then." I hung up the phone. "He so knows." I mumbled to myself as Janelle walks into the kitchen, fully clothed this time. She picks up my coffee cup and takes a sip.

"Hey. That my coffee." I smacked her hand.

She looked at me, giving me a dirty look. "I just wanted a sip."

"We have to go. I need to run by the condo and change my clothes and get my luggage. The flight leaves at 12:15."

"We have to get moving then."

I turned to Justin who is standing leaning against the counter.  He sips on his coffee looking over the edge at me, smiling behind the cup. "Thanks for everything. I'll call you later."

"You're very welcome... just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Would you like a ride?" he asked with a cocky smile planted on his face.

My eyes became about four times the size they normally are, but the smile still waved across my face. "What?" I said as if I didn't know what he was talking about.

"A ride... you know vehicle on wheels, it typically gets your from point A to point B..." he laughs, "You didn't drive here last night."

"Oh shit. Of course." I totally had the dirty thoughts running through my head that I shouldn't have once again. "Would you please?"

Thankfully the ride to my condo was just a few minutes and was not excruciating silence, and when we pulled into the driveway Aaron's car wasn't there. A wave of sadness comes over my mood. I didn't think I wanted to see him. It was better this way, I could literally grab my things and go but it still wasn't easy knowing he didn't come home again, and that he didn't come celebrate the release of my album. I took a deep breath and reached for the door handle when Justin places his hand over my knee. "Keep your head high."

"Thank you." I mouthed to him before climbing out of the car.

I walked into my condo that seemed untouched. Not a single light was on, not a single thing moved in the last twenty four hours, he hadn't been here at all. My luggage sat in the very spot I left it yesterday morning. I jumped in the shower, threw on jeans and an oversized t-shirt, and a hat and headed back out the door. The car we called for was waiting for us as we came out the front door. The blistering sun of Los Angeles shined brightly in our faces, I placed sunglasses over my eyes and climbed into the car. The driver loads our luggage into the car and we were finally off and on our way.

"Airport correct?" he asked.

"Yes, we have a private flight. So we need to go to the other entrance."

"Ok."

I threw my head back on the seat. I was tired. I was slightly hung-over, and I wanted to disappear. Janelle reached her hand over and placed it on top of mine. "Are you okay? She asked.

"Yea. I'll be fine."

"We can talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about." I said knowing there was absolutely nothing to talk about. I had a boyfriend that has become so distant that it's hard to remember his face at times. I damn near slept with another man last night, that was probably the best guy I would ever meet in my life and he turned me down as well. I felt my wall crashing down around me. Tears start to stream down my face behind my sunglasses.

"Malia..." She says.

"I can't... I just can't." And she was the best friend who sat there holding my hand and said nothing else. She knew me; she knew there was something wrong and that it would boil over at some point.

Listening to Sam preach to me for the entire flight was exactly what I wanted. I knew that I screwed up, but I was the only person that was going to suffer because of my screw up. I was the one that was literally going to go from the airport to the photo shoot and then to the club show before I even got to my hotel. I knew that my actions have repercussions. When he brought up Justin I knew at that moment he knew where I had ended up that night.

"Justin is..." he paused. "He is a media magnet. That man is hounded more than anyone ever has been. Just be careful. They are only out to get a story... Don't give them one."

I got very defensive. He wasn't going to tell me I could not be friends with Justin, he just wasn't. "They are going to write stories whether I give them something or not. It's not going to prevent me from spending time with him or anything..."

I stepped off the plane at JFK hoping for some clarity. Even four thousand miles couldn't help me now. The longest ride in history came when I climbed into the town car on the way to the photo shoot. I could have sworn it took two hours, tick by tick to get to the point we were at right now and it wasn't even at the location yet. My phone began to vibrate in my bag, it caught me by surprise. I clicked on the phone and there sat a message in my inbox, it was Justin.

"I hope your flight went well. I'll be in New York the day after tomorrow if you are still there. I would love to have lunch." His text message was just what I needed to hear.

I sent back quickly, "Lunch sounds amazing. I will be in NYC for four days."

"Is your schedule getting kind of crazy yet?"

"Sorta. They are doing great at spreading things out but the only thing is I start tour rehearsals soon as I get back to L.A."

"I always loved tour rehearsals. The long hours suck but it's so nice to just play around and put the pieces together."

"I'm very excited to see what my team can bring to the table for this show."

"Make sure the show is about YOU. Don't do something bc everyone thinks it's what should be done. The show needs to represent you."

"Thanks. Good advice." I typed back.

I threw the phone in my bag and stepped out of the car. A couple assistants for the director met me at the door and starting rambling about the ideas he had for the shoot. To be honest, the day I was having, I could care less. Just let me get it over with. I sucked it up though. I put on the makeup. I put on the smile and stepped in front of the camera attempting to give all that I had.

I ran from the photo shoot to the club show. We drove around the front of the building and I saw the crowd that awaited me. They were lined up around the block. I suddenly got nervous. I turned on my phone to take a picture when I saw this message in my inbox from hours before.

"Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. I can tell there is something going on with you. We are very alike; sometimes you can't hold all of that in. Put a little bit of your faith into me."

His simple words were enough for me. There was someone in this world that cared about my sanity. I snapped the photo and sent it to him along with a message, "How is that in the very moment I needed to be reassured about everything, you manage to come through? Thanks :)"

The crowd was amazing. It was my last chance of seeing a small crowd. I was lucky enough to have sold out all eight of the shows I had done. It was a stepping stone to what was about to happen. The crowds were going to be bigger, the venue was going to be enormous, and the pressure was going to be ten times worse.

The two words I wanted to hear from my longtime boyfriend were sure not the ones I got. I would think I deserved more than two words and I specifically didn't deserve the two words he chose to relay to me. I was stunned by his words. I was hurt by his words. I was heartbroken by his words.

"Fuck off." He said with complete hatred in his voice. "That's exactly what you can do."

I felt my entire heart shatter into pieces. "Why do you do this to me?"

"I haven't done anything to you." He said trailing off.

"Yeah, I'm quite aware of that..." I have never in my entire life been so sexually frustrated while in a relationship. Most relationships have the problem with the woman not wanting sex, but it was the opposite in our relationship. I was an addict for it and he just seemed not interested at all.

"Well I'm not sorry that you have chosen to spend all your time with Justin Timberfuck."

"Stop it." I demanded. "You have all the chances in the world to spend time with me. I have made sure we would have time in between things to see each other. You chose to take one of the greatest moments of my life and miss it. He is a... friend, a writer of a song on the album and was invited to the party. He chose to celebrate this milestone with everyone that was at the party but you chose not to even show up."

"A friend?" he laughed, "He is an overprotected worthless piece of shit in this industry that people seem to praise over. If someone with actual talent could be in his position with all his perks this industry would be a better place. Seriously he is an asshole that just wants to get in your pants. That's what he always wants from women."

Only if he knew, the option was there and he said no. He didn't want to be that person. "He is talented beyond words and you know it. I'm not going to listen to this, from you of all people... I have things to do today. I have to work."

"What, is that a dig at me as well... god Malia... I'm sorry I can't be god almighty himself. Maybe if my name was Justin you would show me some respect."

Click.

I hung up the phone. I wasn't going to listen to him bitch at me for the next hour about something that I was simply going to be pissed about later. I would be the one that had to deal with his insecurities and I wasn't going to do it. When the phone ring just seconds after I hung up the phone I was pissed, "WHAT?" I answered it.

"Malia." His sweet voice said softly in the phone.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry. I thought you were... never mind it's not important." I felt like a bitch. I should have looked at the caller id. I shouldn't have just snapped like I did.

"Is there something wrong? I can call back later." He sounded like he was in a studio and the sound was echoing through the phone. "Or not at all..."

"No. Actually it would be nice to talk to someone that isn't going to tell me to fuck off." I moved around the food on my plate, shoving most of it to the sides of the plate. So much for eating today, Aaron makes my skin crawl and the last thing I want to do is eat.

He snapped back quickly, "Who said that you to?"

"My wonderful other half." I rolled my eyes, whipping the tears from my face.

"I'm sorry... Are you okay?"

"No," I said shaky, "But I will get over it."

"You shouldn't have to just get over things." He was irritated by Aaron's entire being.

"I honestly don't have the time or the energy to deal with him and his issues."

"Is today a bad day? We can reschedule lunch."

"No." I said bluntly. "I have the Letterman show to do around eleven then I'm off for the rest of the day. Sadly you're stuck with me today!"

"That's perfectly fine with me. I'm in the studio right now. Do you want to meet me there when you're done?"

"Sure." I said wondering what he was doing in the studio? Hmm...

"I'm in Tribeca, I'll text you the address..." he pauses, "Malia. He is trying to stress you out. Don't let him. Put the frustration into the performance. Show him that you don't let him bother you."

"Thanks... I'll see ya soon."

I hung up the phone and flooded the scene with tears. The part of me that wanted to make things work with Aaron was getting smaller as the days grow. I would rather be lonely alone than be alone and emotionally broke down every day. I would eventually get over a broken heart. The love that was once there, is no longer apparent. I didn't want to give up but I knew there was also only so much I could handle.

I wipe the tears away from my face as I open the door of my hotel room to find Sam standing on the other side. He had stacks of CD's and pictures for me to sign. He didn't ask any questions about the redness that resided in my eyes or the fact that I was super quiet. He only asked if I was ok. When I nodded my head and said I was fine, he left it at that. He knew me enough to know that I didn't care to talk about things that were bothering me. I would deal with it and get my work done.

He stacked the album covers for me and I signed each one, placing them in the box as I went. "I wanna do an acoustic performance today." I said out of the blue and in the complete silence of this hotel room.

"Of the current single?" he asked.

"No. I have done the single on every moment of promotion. I want to do something else. Something that is personal today, I think it could help me a little..."

"Which song are you thinking about doing?"

I look up at him, "Heavily Broken."

He nods his head as if he agrees, "Call Joel. Get him in here to work on it with you. You have about an hour before we leave." Sam looks down at his phone, "The office. This can't be good." He picks it up and starts talking to someone...

Joel arrives with his acoustic guitar in hand just moments later, all smiles. He must have run down the hallway of the hotel to get here so quickly. "I love that I get to use this today. It's been so long."

"I'm a sucker for the acoustic guitar so you will get to play it a lot on the road."

"Let's get to this." He starts to play the opening chords, tapping his foot on the floor to the notes. "Is that the right ones?" he asks.

"Yes. Sorry I was listening I should have started the lyrics. I should warn you I may very well break down singing this song today."

"I'll keep up with you. I understand sometimes the lyrics just hit hard. I got your back."

He restarts the song from the beginning. I tap my foot as I make my count into the song. I had to focus on the lyrics of this song. I had to focus on what needed to get done, not what has happened to make my heart feel almost no existent.

 "Malia..." Sam asks from the other side of the room, "Did you purchase anything this morning?"

"Breakfast." I said laughing. "Well what I ate of that twenty dollar breakfast."

"Your credit card company is on the phone and wants to authorize a charge." He seems as confused as I was. I don't think I have ever had them call to authorize a purchase before. I guess I never spent over the limit that needed an approval.

"I haven't used it today... how much is it for?" I asked surprised.

"$150,000 ... did you buy a car or anything?"

"$150,000?" I yelled. "I would not spend that much on a car. Where is the charge from?"

Sam asks her about the charge as he looks down at the floor. "Mechanical Head Studios."

"WHAT? Fuck no. Stop that charge. I don't approve it." I jumped out of the chair, launching across the room.

"I'll take care of it." He demands the charge be stopped, they tell him he needs to have me sign a waiver and it will not be charged to the account. I was furious. I knew exactly who was charging that to my account. I tried to calm myself. I had to rehearse this song. I couldn't let him ruin this for me. My fury was too much. I walked out onto the balcony and breathed in the fresh air of Manhattan. The loud sounds of cars and noises of downtown weren't helping.

"Malia, who is using your credit card."

"Aaron." I said shaking my head. "He has a card that he uses for stupid shit. Food, clothes, whatever he needs... I just..." In at that moment became clear to me. "I need to go back... I need to go back and check the charges on that card. I have no idea how much money he has been spending. How long has he been charging his studio sessions to my credit card?"

"I'll get them back on the phone and have them email me the account records."

I finally relaxed enough to finally nail the song down. I was ready to perform it live for the first time. We rehearsed it a couple more times at the sound stage at the Dave Letterman show and watched as we walked back stage the crowd begin to fill the venue. "They are all here for you" Joel says pointing out the ones that have an outfit on that is very similar to the one I wore in the video. They all had their signs and their album covers. It single tingles up my body. They were here for me.

I had missed eight calls from Aaron. He must have gotten the memo that his credit card was not only declined that he card had actually been cancelled. I ignored every call. Pressing that fuck you button each time his name came across the screen was a great feeling. Silly as it was, it made me feel good. I needed to get through this performance and the interview before I talked to him.

Joel took his place on the stool in front of the microphone and I sat down next to him. We both were a little giddy to be singing this very song, acoustically. I closed my eyes as I heard Dave introducing us. "Ladies and gentleman, here to perform a different version of a song from her newly released self titled album, Malia."

The partition in front of us lifted and the soft lights turned on, causing everything to turn shades of purple and blue. Joel strummed the first cords of the song. I gripped my hand around the microphone, pulling it closer to me and began to sing the first lines of the song. "Every day I sit here waiting... Everyday just seems so long... And now I've had enough of all the hating... Do we even care, it's so unfair... Any day it'll all be over... Everyday there's nothing new... And I'll just try to find some hope... To try and hold onto... But it starts again, it'll never end..."

                    The guitar picks up its pace, my voice starts to climb as I start the chorus. "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do... Can't you see that I'm choking... And I can't even move... When there's nothing left to say... What can you do?... I'm heavily broken... And there's nothing I can do..." I tap my foot to the chords as he plays a small solo on the acoustic guitar.

                    I felt the lump in the back of my throat begin to make wave. I knew the lyrics that were coming were the hardest part to get through. "Almost giving up on trying... Almost heading for a fall... And now my mind is screaming out... I've gotta keep on fighting... But then again, it doesn't end..."

                    I stand in front of the stool, remove the microphone from the stand and place it in my hands. "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do... Can't you see that I'm choking... And I can't even move... When there's nothing left to say... What can you do?... I'm heavily broken... And there's nothing I can do... Feels like I'm drowning... I'm screaming for air." I start the next line, belting at the top of my lungs, feeling every line of the song. "Louder I'm crying.... And you don't even carrreeeee..." I felt the tears coming, I knew they were there for the entire world to see. I lowered my tone, almost in an unbearable tone, "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do..." The crowd was silenced, the guitar had stopped and I stood there looking at everyone look back at me. "Thank You." I mouthed. I watched a few faces as they let go of the breath they were holding in and they said, "Wow." I wiped the water that resided on the corner of my eyes and listening to the crowd erupts in applause. Each and every person stood on their feet.

                    Dave stood on the side of the stage in awe. "We will... be right back... to talk to Malia."

I hugged Joel and thanked him for an amazing job. Exactly the way I imagined that performance, was how it turned out.

                    I walked across the stage and up to the seat next to Dave's desk. I was nervous; he was after all David freaking Letterman but before I could get to nervous we were back from the commercial break. The red light turned on the camera in front of David, "In all the years I have done this show I have never been stunned by a performance. I was honestly taken back by that. What an amazing job."

                    My face started to turn warm, I was slightly embarrassed. "Thank you. That's probably the best compliment I have ever received. Thank you."

                    "That song is... heart breaking. Did you write it?"

"It really is. I wrote that song a while ago and I initially wrote it for someone else to sing and I couldn't find the right person for it. So it was put on the back burner and I remember I had gone through a time when I felt like the world around me couldn't see the pain I was in and this song came back into my head. It just happened to be at the time when I was recording this album."

                "So it happened just when it was supposed to."

"Right." I laughed.

We talked about the upcoming tour, the album, relationships, Justin, and oddly enough we talked about a secret love for cheesy movies. With each interview it seemed to get a little easier to talk to random people that really didn't know me. Each step was a new task to overcome.

I walked into the dressing room, removing items of clothing. I was overdressed for a lunch with Justin. I threw on a ruffled top and jeans, tossed everything in my bag and headed to the car. I was going to attempt a conversation with Aaron on the way. I walked out of the soundstage door and there was fans lined around the building, each one waiting for signatures and pictures. I stayed as long as I could before security pulled me away. It surprised me that there were actually people that wanted to meet me. There were actually people out there that were fans, of me.

Talk about a buzz kill. My phone started to vibrate in my hand. "Aaron Calling" the screen said. I bucked it up and answered the phone.

"Hello." I said nice and calm.

His tone was not so nice. "I have been trying to call you all day."

"I have been busy. There's a lot going on in NYC." I lied. Today wasn't as busy as yesterday but he didn't need to know that. "Is something wrong?"

"There is something major wrong. My credit card got declined today. I didn't think there was a limit on it."

I laughed to myself, "There's not a limit on my cards. However when it's a purchase over $50,000 they call to verify that it's an actual purchase. What were you trying to purchase for that much money?

"I was trying to pay my studio bill." He says running right into the next line, "I found the perfect sound for me and they came in and said that the bill needed to be paid in full or we had to leave."

I pull the stack of papers out of my bag that Sam handed me back at Letterman. "Tell me how you could have spent nearly $800,000 of my money in a record studio? What have you accomplished?"

He started using his tough, I'm the biggest producer in the world speech. "Malia you know how it works sometimes. Sometimes it takes days to figure out the sound for a track."

I didn't care what he thought; I had already made up my mind. "When I go into a studio I normally don't waste six months and almost a million dollars to find my sound. As a producer, I already have the sound in my head... so tell me Aaron, how many songs do you have done? How long are you going to work on this so called new album of yours?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you. You need to get the credit card fixed. I need to get back in the studio today." He demanded.

                    It took everything I had but I did exactly what I needed to do. "I will not front the bill for you and your posse to chill in the studio. I'm done being the one to pay for them to record in the studio. My funds are cut off, completely."

                    He was quiet for a moment.  "What the fuck are you talking about?"

                    "You shouldn't speak to someone you supposedly love like that. I have let you live the high life that you're so very comfortable with that you don't see what's wrong with the entire situation. Have one of the guys in your posse, who are recording tracks on my dime, to front the bill."

                    "You have got to be kidding me. You are unbelievable Malia. Un-fucking-believable."

                    I exhaled deeply then I let it flow. "That's fine. I honestly don't care what you think of me anymore. I have actual work that needs to get done, so I have to go." I paused for a second, "By the way, don't try using the card at all, it's been cancelled all together." Click. I hung up the phone. Screw him.

"One more time... Run that back... one more time. Shit. Sorry..." I laughed at Justin on the other side of the glass being the perfectionist I always knew he was in the studio. "Will you punch me in right there...." I heard him say the very same line, perfect, at least four times in just the five minutes I stood there.

The door behind me closes and turn back to see it was Rob coming back into the room, "Hey you!" he said surprised. "How are you doing?" he reaches out to hug me.

"I'm really good."   I say as he squeezes me tighter.

"Justin said he was expecting someone today, but I didn't think it was going to be you."

"I'm sorry... I can leave and bring someone else back!" I joked with him.

"No. No. That's not what I meant. Honestly I don't know what I meant. Anyways it's good to see you. You look great."

"Thank you! You don't look so bad yourself." I looked at his, "All ripped and toned and everything..."

He rolled his eyes at me as he had down so many times before, "Yeah yeah..."

"Hush Rob... you know you look good."

He changed the subject quickly. "How come you didn't tell me you wanted Justin to work on that track with you? He would have come in and done the track if you really wanted him to..."

"I didn't say that. I'm beyond happy with the track the way it is."

He sat down in the black leather chair, spinning to look back at me, "I know that, he would have come in though. You should have said something."

I would have never asked him to bring Justin in. Rob is an amazing producer. I had no worries about him recording the track. "I was happy that someone wanted to work with me. That's all that matters. Otherwise I would have to deal with that..." I pointed in the booth and asked, "How long has he been in there working on that same line?"

"About twenty five minutes... it's been perfect eight different ways but it's not what he wants so he is continuing to say the same thing over and over again."

                I stood at the board, dead center of the room, watching the frustration and tenseness on his face. It was something I hadn't seen before. He was annoyed with himself and that's the worst thing of all. He just wanted to get it right, the way he heard it in his head. I pressed down the button to speak into his headphones, "You know... if you would just hit the right note, this wouldn't be an issue." I let go of the button and watched his face raised up and the light come back to his face.

"Hey." he says calmly as the smile widens across his face, lightening his tense face.

I smiled back at him. "Hey."

                He took off the headphones, placing them on the mic stand as he turned to walk out of the booth and into the room with Rob, myself, and the tech Jason. He walked straight over to me, hugged me and stepped back, "Are you ready to go?"

"No, I thought Rob and I had some time to catch up. You didn't have that part done yet. I figured you needed to do it at least twenty more times perfectly."

"Girl..." he scrunched his nose, pointing to the door. "Go!" He turned back to everyone, "I'll see you guys later." He opened the door and stood there waiting for me to go out before him.

"Bye guys!" I yelled!

"Bye-Bring me some lunch back..." I heard Rob yell as I walked out of the door.

                I was smitten by a guy opening doors for me. I can't even remember when the last time someone I was with opened a door for me without wanting something from me. When you're paying someone to be with you all the time, the feeling isn't the same. It's a simple gesture that made my day. We walked out of the studio through the back entrance and right into Justin's car waiting for us. I didn't think it was going to be that easy getting out of the studio but it was a piece of cake. It was not exactly what happened getting out of the vehicle was a different story. It's like he had a tracking device on him because instantaneously it was like the flood gates opened up and the cameras came out of nowhere and when they realized it was the two of us, it was a disaster. I felt overwhelmed and scared. He literally had to take cover over me to prevent them from knocking me over. "I'm so sorry" he said repetitive.

I started laughing once we finally reached the inside of the doors, "Oh my god!" I finally let out a breath, "I have never... oh gosh... I have never dealt with something like that before. WOW!"

"This is my life. It was a bit extreme today but for the most part, this is what it's like."

                We walked through the glass panels doors with the frosted letting of Fred's across the glass. The hostess behind the podium gasps at the sight of him. I laugh and he just says, "Niki Le Bouquin has reserved us a couple tables."

She looked down at the reservations and flipped through the pages. "Yes, Mr. Timberlake... I will get her for you." Her hands tremble as she picks up the phone.

                Within moments a tiny, petite, brunette woman was standing there in her cream color business suit. "Justin... how are you doing? It's been a while." She reached out and hugged him.

"It has." He said stepping back to stand next to me.

"Well, follow me. Your table is ready." She led us through the restaurant and out to the patio, an empty patio. It is funny how one person can have so much power.  A place like Fred's on Madison Ave is not easy to get into on a Friday at lunch time, let alone have the entire patio to yourself. I looked around and saw each table had been pushed against the doors that come out to this patio and there were blinds drawn over the windows. There was one table with settings on it for us, with a bottle of wine on chill. The downtown area of Manhattan as our backdrop. Gorgeous was an understatement.

                "Justin- This must have cost you a fortune. We didn't have to come here..."

He cut me off. "Don't worry about it. Niki owed me a favor, so this is what I asked for in return."

"The view is pretty amazing." I stood looking out over the balcony.

                Lunch turned into most of the afternoon. We sat for hours talking about everything our lives were and what we were hoping would be our lives in the near future. We never talked about relationships directly; we never talked about heart break directly. But when I picked up my phone and saw a message from Aaron, it was obviously written all over my face that there was some uncertainty.

 "I'm sorry. I want to make this work with us. I love you. I don't know what I would do without you in my life."

"What's wrong? You look like you just received bad news." He asks reaching across the table, placing his hand over mine.

"I don't know what I'm going to do anymore..." I didn't want to have this conversation with Justin of all people but I honestly was at a loss of what to do. "I can't seem to win with him..."

"Aaron?" he questioned.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it."

"You have to do what you need to do, but do it for you..."

                Justin dropped me off in front of my hotel, "If you're not busy later, come by the studio. We will be there most of the night finishing a couple things. I would love to spend more time with you while we have the time."

"I would like that as well. I will let you know." I knew that I was falling apart inside and I really didn't want to break into a billion pieces right in front of him. And just like that he was gone. Driving away.

                The inside of the hotel was grand. The classic architectural fixtures and stone ceilings were a sight to see. My head was down looking at the detail of the most gorgeous color of blue marble floors leading to the elevator as I heard someone call my name. I ignore it at first.

"Malia Crane." I heard again. I was really confused when someone used my last name. No one really every used it. It was a part of me that meant nothing to the world. I turned back and the woman behind the front desk says, "Hi Malia, there was a fairly big packaged that was dropped off by a... Mr. Ayala for you today."

Mr. Ayala? Who is that? I thought for a moment, Justin's friend? Why would he be dropping something off to me? "Is it in my room?" I asked.

"No. They are bringing it out for you now."

                Just as she said that a bellboy came out with an enormous package on a cart. What the hell did he drop off for me? I got slightly worried. The entire way up to the room, I thought of a thousand different things that it could be. All of which scared me immensely. He brought it into my room and placed it on the floor.  I stared at it, a little worried to even open it. Curiosity got the best of me though; I had to see what was in it. I bent down to the level of this box and cut the tape with scissors I found in the drawer. As I began to flip open the lid, my phone rang causing me to almost jump out of my skin. It scared the crap out of me.

                I didn't look at the screen, I just answered it. "Hello!"

"Well you sound awfully cheery now... did someone brighten up your day for you?" He asks as if he already knew what my day was like.

"I had a busy day but it's been a good one... I'm at the hotel now." I wanted him to talk to me, figure this all out. But that is not what I got.

"I see you had enough time in your day to visit Justin at the studio in Tribeca..." I could hear him clicking forcefully on the laptop, "And have enough time to have lunch with him in Manhattan yet you couldn't take a single minute to text me back. This seems to be... its becoming a problem. "

"You know, a hi, how you doing, nice to talk to you would be nice... my god Aaron... I didn't text you back because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say something just to say something. The problems in our relationship have been there for so long that I don't know what it's like just to be happy anymore."  I dropped to the floor sitting with my hands wrapped around my knees. "I need some time to think..."

"Think about what Malia?" he snapped back at me. "This is because you want to be with Justin Timberlake. I fucking knew this was going to happen. He gets what he wants again."

We couldn't have a conversation about us, he was threatened but something but he was too stubborn to admit this was his issue. "What is your deal with Justin? Seriously, are you that jealous of him?"

"There is nothing to be jealous about." I could see him rolling his eyes through the phone. It was typical for him.

I shook my head, frustrated. "I don't know how many times and how many ways to tell you this but Justin is a friend. He is going to be a part of my life no matter what you think about him. He has been nothing but a great friend to me. So I suggest that you get used to having him around."

"I don't want you around him at all." He said in a demand.

I knew he was stubborn but I didn't see him ever being like this. "Well I'm glad that is a choice you don't get to make."

"So, what are you saying Malia?" he asked.

"I don't know what I'm saying... I just know I need some time to think."

"What's there to think about... we are together and now there is another man involved?"

"AARON." I yelled. "This is an issue with you and you alone. This has nothing to do with me or Justin for that matter. Whatever this problem is, it's something you are going to have to deal with."

I heard glass behind him smash onto the tile floor. "I won't have him a part of our lives. You are going to have to make a choice."

"You're kidding right? Don't give me that as my options because..."

"Because what you would choose Justin? Because you have already chosen Justin. You chose him the day you met him over me. You have wanted to break this off for months."

"Your right it has been months... the funny thing is I haven't known Justin that long. That means there is an issue with our relationship, nothing to do with Justin."

"He is the reason we are fighting. He is the reason that my girlfriend has strayed from me."

My voice got louder and louder. "If I wanted Justin, I would have already gone there... I can't do this anymore. I just can't."

"What are you scare the truth is finally coming out? Are you scared that sweet innocent Malia is in the wrong this time..."

"Fuck you Aaron." I said cold heartedly. "I'm done." -Click.

                Hanging up on Aaron has really become my new favorite thing to do. It gave me some empowerment by one simple little task. I shut the ringer off on the phone tossing it on the bed. I removed every single article of clothing I was wearing, replacing them with a fluffy terrycloth rope. I needed to shower and clear my thoughts of moments I just had with Aaron. I had an amazing day, he wasn't going to ruin this for me. Plans of relaxing in this hotel room tonight have changed.

 Out of the corner of my eye I see that box I had been so anxious to know what was inside of. I pick up the phone the in room. "Can I get a couple bottles of 901 and a couple bottles of Jack, to my room please?"

"Is that all you are going to need." I heard the voice on the other end asking as if she thought that was too much alcohol for me to be ordering for just myself.

"Ohh can I get a bottle of sour mix and... I should have dinner first... screw it just send me an enormous pile of fresh cut french fries."

"The order will be up to you shortly." She hung up the phone before I knew she was done speaking. I placed the phone back on the base and walked over to that box. With each piece of card board it revealed a layer of tissue paper. An envelope with my first name printed on it rests in the center of that tissue paper.

Malia, your support for the company means the world to us both. I can't wait to get to spend time with you on a regular basis. My small gift to you, enjoy!-Trace

                I removed the tissue paper to find jeans, skirts, shorts, tanks, t-shirts, jewelry, sunglasses... everything from the upcoming line of William Rast. It was super sweet of him to do that. I felt like it was Christmas morning and I had gotten the best gift of all.

Dialing the now very familiar number I wait anxiously for him to answer the phone. Just as the voicemail was going to pick up and I was going to leave a message that I was sure to get a response from he picked up the phone.

"Hey you!" He answered the phone. "You miss me already don't you? I knew you would." He laughs.

"I was actually calling to tell you... I was in nothing but a robe, applying lotion to every inch of my body... slowly rubbing it in to every pore. The moist-"

He cut me off... "STOP!" he choked out.

"Oh, was that too much information. Sorry, I sometimes get carried away with telling someone exactly what I'm doing on the other side of the line." I felt the feeling of being comfortable when I talked to him. A smile over takes my entire being.

I heard him grunt through the phone... and tell the guys he would be right back that it was too noisy in there. The room was pretty quiet for a studio but I think my words made him need to be out of the view of others.

"Malia, you there." He asked, worried I had hung up.

"Yes." I answered sitting done on the bed, continuing to rub lotion into my feet.

"What are you doing?"

"Isn't the question supposed to be, what are you wearing?" I asked. I was kind of flirting with him. I didn't know I was doing it until I had already done it. "Would you like the truth or a tale?"

I heard him swallow hard, breaking in his words as he spoke. "Depends which option I will like better..."

"I'm literally... putting lotion on my feet. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Oh, no disappointment, that's for sure..."

"I was actually calling to see if I could get Trace's phone number."

He laughed, "Wow, talk about losing my moment."

"Oh, I would need more than a moment." I wanted to see his face against mine again. I wanted to feel his hands on my waist...

"Girl- you can't make comments like that... you are making this a little difficult."

"Don't make it difficult, just give me his number." I was joking back with him, but I knew exactly what he meant.

He said he wouldn't give me Trace's number unless I came and hung out in the studio with him for a while. It took me all of about three seconds of convincing for me to want to go hang out with him for a while. "I'll bring presents!" I said before I hung up the phone.

I cranked up the radio in the hotel as loud as it would get as I got ready. Dancing around the room in just underwear had this amazing free feeling. I haven't done it in so long. Aaron thought it was inappropriate, and I couldn't chance one of his buddies just walking in the front door. They tended to do that quite often, even after telling them numerous times that they are to wait at the door until someone answers it. I guess when I got home that wouldn't matter anymore. My condo would be empty and all to myself.

I pulled the clothes out of the package Trace sent over trying each of them on, finally deciding on a pair of jeans. I was always safe in jeans. Jeans and a simple tank only means I have to rock a killer pair of heels with it. I pulled out a brand new pair of sky high gray colored heels I had gotten as a freebie at one of the promotional events I attended. It was amazing to receive free items, especially when the price tag is in the thousands.

I ate a handful of the fries and tossed all the alcohol into my overnight sized bag and headed out into the streets of NYC. Hailing a cab wasn't so easy with guys in cameras running around you but I finally managed to get one and arrived at the studio quicker than I thought I would.

The guys were laughing and playing with the sound of Justin's voice, making it go super high almost a squeal then the deepest baritone voice.  I watched them quietly, making fun of each other. They were typical down to earth guys who just happened to be a lot more talented than I would ever be.

"DAMNNN!!" Rob says seeing me stand in the doorway. "There's a hot chick in the studio boys, behave yourselves."

I just laughed at him as I walked in and dropped my bag on the table, "And I brought goodies!" I reached in and pulled out the alcohol and watched their faces light up. It was going to be an adventurous night, that was for sure.

"I have to finish this track before I drink too much." Justin said smirking at me.

"Fun sucker." I poured Jack and sour mix into a cup, mixing it around with my finger, because of course these guys wouldn't have a spoon of any kind to stir it with. I swirled my finger one last time and I sampled the drink, it was perfect. All the years I have been pouring this drink has made a mark on perfecting it.  I inserted my finger in my mouth to suck off the alcohol that would have normally gone to waste. I felt his arm wrap around my stomach from behind, resting his cheek against mine, whispering in my ear. "You... cannot... do that..." he breathed out deeply, taking in the scent of my skin.

I turned my head slightly towards his, "Do what?" A smile widens across my face into a smirk.

He shook his head, taking the drink out of my hand, drinking it as he went back into the booth. He stepped behind the mic, adjusting the stand, fidgeting with everything. "Let's get this done." He lifts the cup in the air, "It looks like I have some things to take care of tonight." He winks at me.

He opened his mouth it was like perfection just oozing out without an ounce of trying. He had the natural ability to just sing and it to come out the exact way he was thinking it would, the exact way it should. I slowly learned that this was not a demo. This was something he was recording for himself. He was actually in the studio for himself. I felt like I was that teeny again and the adrenaline starting running through my body. An enormous smile waves over my entire face. "Malia, are you ok over there?" Rob asked waving his arms around in the air.

"Yes." I said watching Justin in the booth.

"You have a huge smile on your face for it to just be a, Yes."

I continued to stare at Justin, "He is recording music for himself. This is for his new album." It was all piecing together now.

"It is indeed." He nodded his head. "The world's biggest kept secret, is now out." He laughs at me.

I turned to Rob, "I'm excited for it... that beat is ridiculous. The way he flows with the words... it's a great start to the track."

"He has been working for a while on his own stuff. But it seems like the moment he mentions he is going record for himself, the pressure gets overwhelming to get it out now, right now. So we have been trying to do it low key. Claiming we are recording demos." Rob continued talking to me, not paying attention to Justin in the booth. Once I start talking about creating music, I get sucked in and the world around me doesn't exist. Jason was controlling the run back's he needed.

 "Hey Rob." I slightly heard Justin say. But I thought maybe he was talking to Jason. "ROB!" Justin is almost at a yell through the board.

Rob turned quickly to see Justin, angry. He pressed down the button to talk to him. "Did you need something Justin?"

He looked at Rob, then me, then back at Rob. "No. I don't need anything, forget it." He was ticked off. He chugged what was left in his cup, "Maybe another drink."

I felt the animosity that he was throwing at me. I didn't like it. I wasn't sure what I had done exactly but he wasn't happy with me. I poured myself another drink, opting to take the bottle with me when I left the room. I found myself in one of the private rooms. I told myself, as soon as I finished this drink I was going to leave. "Malia, where are you going?" Rob asked, I just lifted the bottle in the air. I was going to drink. He was in some kind of mood that I didn't want to deal with. I believe I just ended my relationship to a guy that didn't know how to love me at all. I didn't want to deal with any kind of drama. I just wanted to drink the night away. Was that such an issue? Doesn't everyone deserve that?

I found a comfortable spot on a couch in the next room, throwing one leg over the other, I sat drinking by myself. The bass from the studio soon became dim. The quietness was deafening. I heard the door behind me crack open and I can see Justin peaking his head through, looking to see if I was in there. He stepped in the room, turned back and flipped the locked on the door.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I didn't speak to him but I could see him out of the corner of my eye standing on the other end of the couch. Whatever he was going through, he wasn't going to take it out on me. Maybe the lyrics he was saying hit a nerve and put him back into a place he never wanted to be again, maybe he was just in a mood but that was not my fault and he couldn't make me feel like it was.

"I'm sorry" he said again, sitting down in front of me, spreading my knees apart so he could sit between them. He leaned into me, pulling me up to sit close to him. "I'm sorry. I just..."

"Justin, whatever you are going through... I just can't deal with it right now." I sipped on my drink more. "I'm sorry means nothing to me... actions speak louder than words... plus I have enough going on that I don't need anything else to deal with..."

He takes my drink out of my hand, placing it on the table next to the couch. "I'm sorry... I thought you were flirting with Rob. I thought... " he shrugged his shoulders, "I felt jealous that you could be interested in him... I know it's not my place but that's how I felt. I was being selfish. I'm sorry."

I leaned closer into him. "I'm not into Rob like that. I love Rob but he is who he is to me." I leaned in even closer. His scent was overtaking. I closed my eyes, taking in his scent, my eyelids flutter at the idea of him being so close. "There's a lot you don't know about me. There is a lot that you may never know about me. But one thing is for sure..." he closed in the space that was between us, climbing off the table and on top of me on the couch, straddling his legs on each side of my mine. He tilted his head down into my face, staring into my eyes; his lips resting right on mine. It was different than it had been before. There was this interaction, this spark, this pull for me to take in all of him. He waited for my approval and I gave it to him. His tongue slowly massaged mine after gaining entrance; deeper and deeper I could feel him overtaking my every emotion. His hands were running over my entire body, I don't think he could settle where he wanted them to be. His hips started to move in a small circular motion, causing my entire body to shake. His jeans became a force blocking the one thing I knew was ready for me. Both of his large hands came up over my neck, forcing me to look at him. Silence. "I want to do so much more than kiss you..."

THEN DO IT! I wanted to scream. Why does he have to ruin that moment, a moment in which I was going to let myself go. I was going to let whatever was about to happen, just happen. He slowly climbs off of me, sits back on the table, rubbing his hands over his face. "I thought I could not think about the fact that you have a boyfriend, I just can't." he looks up at me, "I'm sorry. I know I crossed a line."

 I was so confused at that moment. I knew it would have been a wrong choice on both of our parts, but I wanted it badly. I didn't want to stop. He had me ready to go the distance. Hell... I was beyond ready.

"Talk to me Malia..." he says. "Please tell me I haven't screwed this all up?"

"Justin...-"

He reaches out for my hand, "Malia, please."

I dropped my head, trying to concentrate. "I need... to relax for a minute... alone." That's all I could manage to form in that moment. I pulled my hand back towards me. I couldn't have him shin in contact with mine.

He stood, turned to walk out of the room, "I really am sorry."

I looked over at him. "Justin- I'm not mad, highly disappointed yes, but I'm not mad."

"Then what's wrong?" he asked worried.

I climbed off that couch, throwing my head back staring at the holes in tile of the ceiling, breathing in and out. "You were just on top of me, rubbing your cock into my body in a slow movement, kissing me a way I have never been kissed before..." I kept my back to him. "I'm still a little turned on and ready to fuck your brains out... I need a moment to calm down these feelings."

Instantly he was back across the room, spinning me around, his hands on my ass pushing me in closer to him, exhaling deeply. He had my hopes up again, before dropping that bomb on me. "At this very moment, I wish I could be that guy." He removed his hands from my ass, and slowly backed up, "I want to be that guy."

Tease. He was killing me with the teasing. "Justin- I need to tell you..."

He didn't give me a chance to say anything, "Let's get out of here. Everyone wants to drink and we shouldn't drink too much here. Let's go back to my place."

Not exactly what I wanted at that very moment in time but it would have to do. So I agreed that was an amazing idea. If he would have given me just two more seconds of his time he would have known that I had broken up with Aaron. I had finally broken things off. I was free to do whatever I wanted to do.

Shot after shot we thought it would be a better idea to do double shots. Justin's apartment was stocked of course. You would think this man lived my life. I needed the alcohol stock that he has. Jason was beyond drunk, he couldn't hold whiskey very well. He should have stuck to the beer. Silly boy. He wasn't able to walk straight at one point. Causing Justin and Rob to basically drag him into the spare bedroom and let him pass out.

The amount of whiskey and tequila I had taken in was incomprehensible. I was at a level where I wasn't staggering drunk but I had that buzz feeling. The boys weren't enough entertainment for me, so I was going to entertain myself. I managed to figure out the stereo system and all fourteen thousand buttons it was to press play and turn the volume up.

I began to sway my hips back and forth around the dining room floor, making sure to pop my hip every time the beat would hit. I saw them watching me out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want to be their entertainment. I curl up my pointer finger, rolling it towards me. Both of them stayed in their spot, just watching. I stopped in my tracks, "I'm not your entertainment... one of you needs to join me."

Justin looks at me with bright blue eyes, watching my hips that were beginning to move again. Rob speaks first, "I love you and you can hang out with us anytime... but I'm out." He threw up his arms, "There is way too much going on in this room that I want no part of. I'm going to get a cab back to my hotel." I turned back to Justin who was gone as well. I turned quickly and he spun me back around, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, he starting to grind his hips into my back side. His hands were riding under the hem of my shirt, latching his thumbs in the band of my jeans, tugging them down ever so slightly. His thumbs were in a very sensitive area, and he was caressing a piece of skin that sent me over the edge. I tore his hands out of my jeans shoving him into the wall, tearing off his shirt, pressing my lips to his skin. Skin on skin contact. It's what I have wanted all night. Hell it's something I have wanted for months...

I cranked up the radio in the hotel as loud as it would get as I got ready. Dancing around the room in just underwear had this amazing free feeling. I haven't done it in so long. Aaron thought it was inappropriate, and I couldn't chance one of his buddies just walking in the front door. They tended to do that quite often, even after telling them numerous times that they are to wait at the door until someone answers it. I guess when I got home that wouldn't matter anymore. My condo would be empty and all to myself.

I pulled the clothes out of the package Trace sent over trying each of them on, finally deciding on a pair of jeans. I was always safe in jeans. Jeans and a simple tank only means I have to rock a killer pair of heels with it. I pulled out a brand new pair of sky high gray colored heels I had gotten as a freebie at one of the promotional events I attended. It was amazing to receive free items, especially when the price tag is in the thousands.

I ate a handful of the fries and tossed all the alcohol into my overnight sized bag and headed out into the streets of NYC. Hailing a cab wasn't so easy with guys in cameras running around you but I finally managed to get one and arrived at the studio quicker than I thought I would.

The guys were laughing and playing with the sound of Justin's voice, making it go super high almost a squeal then the deepest baritone voice.  I watched them quietly, making fun of each other. They were typical down to earth guys who just happened to be a lot more talented than I would ever be.

"DAMNNN!!" Rob says seeing me stand in the doorway. "There's a hot chick in the studio boys, behave yourselves."

I just laughed at him as I walked in and dropped my bag on the table, "And I brought goodies!" I reached in and pulled out the alcohol and watched their faces light up. It was going to be an adventurous night, that was for sure.

"I have to finish this track before I drink too much." Justin said smirking at me.

"Fun sucker." I poured Jack and sour mix into a cup, mixing it around with my finger, because of course these guys wouldn't have a spoon of any kind to stir it with. I swirled my finger one last time and I sampled the drink, it was perfect. All the years I have been pouring this drink has made a mark on perfecting it.  I inserted my finger in my mouth to suck off the alcohol that would have normally gone to waste. I felt his arm wrap around my stomach from behind, resting his cheek against mine, whispering in my ear. "You... cannot... do that..." he breathed out deeply, taking in the scent of my skin.

I turned my head slightly towards his, "Do what?" A smile widens across my face into a smirk.

He shook his head, taking the drink out of my hand, drinking it as he went back into the booth. He stepped behind the mic, adjusting the stand, fidgeting with everything. "Let's get this done." He lifts the cup in the air, "It looks like I have some things to take care of tonight." He winks at me.

He opened his mouth it was like perfection just oozing out without an ounce of trying. He had the natural ability to just sing and it to come out the exact way he was thinking it would, the exact way it should. I slowly learned that this was not a demo. This was something he was recording for himself. He was actually in the studio for himself. I felt like I was that teeny again and the adrenaline starting running through my body. An enormous smile waves over my entire face. "Malia, are you ok over there?" Rob asked waving his arms around in the air.

"Yes." I said watching Justin in the booth.

"You have a huge smile on your face for it to just be a, Yes."

I continued to stare at Justin, "He is recording music for himself. This is for his new album." It was all piecing together now.

"It is indeed." He nodded his head. "The world's biggest kept secret, is now out." He laughs at me.

I turned to Rob, "I'm excited for it... that beat is ridiculous. The way he flows with the words... it's a great start to the track."

"He has been working for a while on his own stuff. But it seems like the moment he mentions he is going record for himself, the pressure gets overwhelming to get it out now, right now. So we have been trying to do it low key. Claiming we are recording demos." Rob continued talking to me, not paying attention to Justin in the booth. Once I start talking about creating music, I get sucked in and the world around me doesn't exist. Jason was controlling the run back's he needed.

 "Hey Rob." I slightly heard Justin say. But I thought maybe he was talking to Jason. "ROB!" Justin is almost at a yell through the board.

Rob turned quickly to see Justin, angry. He pressed down the button to talk to him. "Did you need something Justin?"

He looked at Rob, then me, then back at Rob. "No. I don't need anything, forget it." He was ticked off. He chugged what was left in his cup, "Maybe another drink."

I felt the animosity that he was throwing at me. I didn't like it. I wasn't sure what I had done exactly but he wasn't happy with me. I poured myself another drink, opting to take the bottle with me when I left the room. I found myself in one of the private rooms. I told myself, as soon as I finished this drink I was going to leave. "Malia, where are you going?" Rob asked, I just lifted the bottle in the air. I was going to drink. He was in some kind of mood that I didn't want to deal with. I believe I just ended my relationship to a guy that didn't know how to love me at all. I didn't want to deal with any kind of drama. I just wanted to drink the night away. Was that such an issue? Doesn't everyone deserve that?

I found a comfortable spot on a couch in the next room, throwing one leg over the other, I sat drinking by myself. The bass from the studio soon became dim. The quietness was deafening. I heard the door behind me crack open and I can see Justin peaking his head through, looking to see if I was in there. He stepped in the room, turned back and flipped the locked on the door.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I didn't speak to him but I could see him out of the corner of my eye standing on the other end of the couch. Whatever he was going through, he wasn't going to take it out on me. Maybe the lyrics he was saying hit a nerve and put him back into a place he never wanted to be again, maybe he was just in a mood but that was not my fault and he couldn't make me feel like it was.

"I'm sorry" he said again, sitting down in front of me, spreading my knees apart so he could sit between them. He leaned into me, pulling me up to sit close to him. "I'm sorry. I just..."

"Justin, whatever you are going through... I just can't deal with it right now." I sipped on my drink more. "I'm sorry means nothing to me... actions speak louder than words... plus I have enough going on that I don't need anything else to deal with..."

He takes my drink out of my hand, placing it on the table next to the couch. "I'm sorry... I thought you were flirting with Rob. I thought... " he shrugged his shoulders, "I felt jealous that you could be interested in him... I know it's not my place but that's how I felt. I was being selfish. I'm sorry."

I leaned closer into him. "I'm not into Rob like that. I love Rob but he is who he is to me." I leaned in even closer. His scent was overtaking. I closed my eyes, taking in his scent, my eyelids flutter at the idea of him being so close. "There's a lot you don't know about me. There is a lot that you may never know about me. But one thing is for sure..." he closed in the space that was between us, climbing off the table and on top of me on the couch, straddling his legs on each side of my mine. He tilted his head down into my face, staring into my eyes; his lips resting right on mine. It was different than it had been before. There was this interaction, this spark, this pull for me to take in all of him. He waited for my approval and I gave it to him. His tongue slowly massaged mine after gaining entrance; deeper and deeper I could feel him overtaking my every emotion. His hands were running over my entire body, I don't think he could settle where he wanted them to be. His hips started to move in a small circular motion, causing my entire body to shake. His jeans became a force blocking the one thing I knew was ready for me. Both of his large hands came up over my neck, forcing me to look at him. Silence. "I want to do so much more than kiss you..."

THEN DO IT! I wanted to scream. Why does he have to ruin that moment, a moment in which I was going to let myself go. I was going to let whatever was about to happen, just happen. He slowly climbs off of me, sits back on the table, rubbing his hands over his face. "I thought I could not think about the fact that you have a boyfriend, I just can't." he looks up at me, "I'm sorry. I know I crossed a line."

 I was so confused at that moment. I knew it would have been a wrong choice on both of our parts, but I wanted it badly. I didn't want to stop. He had me ready to go the distance. Hell... I was beyond ready.

"Talk to me Malia..." he says. "Please tell me I haven't screwed this all up?"

"Justin...-"

He reaches out for my hand, "Malia, please."

I dropped my head, trying to concentrate. "I need... to relax for a minute... alone." That's all I could manage to form in that moment. I pulled my hand back towards me. I couldn't have him shin in contact with mine.

He stood, turned to walk out of the room, "I really am sorry."

I looked over at him. "Justin- I'm not mad, highly disappointed yes, but I'm not mad."

"Then what's wrong?" he asked worried.

I climbed off that couch, throwing my head back staring at the holes in tile of the ceiling, breathing in and out. "You were just on top of me, rubbing your cock into my body in a slow movement, kissing me a way I have never been kissed before..." I kept my back to him. "I'm still a little turned on and ready to fuck your brains out... I need a moment to calm down these feelings."

Instantly he was back across the room, spinning me around, his hands on my ass pushing me in closer to him, exhaling deeply. He had my hopes up again, before dropping that bomb on me. "At this very moment, I wish I could be that guy." He removed his hands from my ass, and slowly backed up, "I want to be that guy."

Tease. He was killing me with the teasing. "Justin- I need to tell you..."

He didn't give me a chance to say anything, "Let's get out of here. Everyone wants to drink and we shouldn't drink too much here. Let's go back to my place."

Not exactly what I wanted at that very moment in time but it would have to do. So I agreed that was an amazing idea. If he would have given me just two more seconds of his time he would have known that I had broken up with Aaron. I had finally broken things off. I was free to do whatever I wanted to do.

Shot after shot we thought it would be a better idea to do double shots. Justin's apartment was stocked of course. You would think this man lived my life. I needed the alcohol stock that he has. Jason was beyond drunk, he couldn't hold whiskey very well. He should have stuck to the beer. Silly boy. He wasn't able to walk straight at one point. Causing Justin and Rob to basically drag him into the spare bedroom and let him pass out.

The amount of whiskey and tequila I had taken in was incomprehensible. I was at a level where I wasn't staggering drunk but I had that buzz feeling. The boys weren't enough entertainment for me, so I was going to entertain myself. I managed to figure out the stereo system and all fourteen thousand buttons it was to press play and turn the volume up.

I began to sway my hips back and forth around the dining room floor, making sure to pop my hip every time the beat would hit. I saw them watching me out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want to be their entertainment. I curl up my pointer finger, rolling it towards me. Both of them stayed in their spot, just watching. I stopped in my tracks, "I'm not your entertainment... one of you needs to join me."

Justin looks at me with bright blue eyes, watching my hips that were beginning to move again. Rob speaks first, "I love you and you can hang out with us anytime... but I'm out." He threw up his arms, "There is way too much going on in this room that I want no part of. I'm going to get a cab back to my hotel." I turned back to Justin who was gone as well. I turned quickly and he spun me back around, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, he starting to grind his hips into my back side. His hands were riding under the hem of my shirt, latching his thumbs in the band of my jeans, tugging them down ever so slightly. His thumbs were in a very sensitive area, and he was caressing a piece of skin that sent me over the edge. I tore his hands out of my jeans shoving him into the wall, tearing off his shirt, pressing my lips to his skin. Skin on skin contact. It's what I have wanted all night. Hell it's something I have wanted for months...

His apartment. His Skin. His hands. His arms. His bed. His sheets.

 It's all I could think about as I boarded my plane. A line was crossed, a line that can never be taken back. That line which was a solid line is now a bit blurry.  I ran my hands up over my face, what a night. A smile I couldn't get off my face, a great day it was.

 I was going to hurt the twit who keeps scheduling my flights at ten in the morning. Who does that to someone? I wasn't hung over, I was simply tired. I can't remember what the clock said when we finally crashed this morning.

My phone buzzed.

"I saw you spent the day with Justin yesterday... and last night. I hope you are on that plane. Everyone is waiting on you to get back to L.A. today. Lots of things to do for the tour."

I rolled my eyes. I know that Sam wasn't happy with me spending time with Justin. I understood his point. However I hadn't given the press anything to run with. I had no intentions of giving up Justin because they like to write stories. They were going to write what they want anyhow, I might as well do what I wanted.

I shouldn't even reply to his message but I thought it might cause more issues.

"I'm on the plane. I will be in L.A. in a couple hours."

I relaxed into my seat as the plane started to fill up. Before I knew it I was being woke up by the constant dinging above my head. "Please fasten your seatbelt miss... we are about to land." The flight attendant says to me. I wanted to kick her in her head but I didn't. That might be bad press. I'm thinking that might be worse than me being friends with Justin.

My phone buzzed again. I thought, if Sam is checking up on me again, I am going to ream him a new one. I didn't need a freaking babysitter to monitor my every move. I clicked on the phone and saw that it was a message from Justin.

"Why did you sneak out this morning?"

I didn't respond. I dropped the phone in my bag and climbed into the back of the town car that awaited me. I wasn't avoiding him; I simply knew that this day was going to be a task in itself. I need to deal with one situation at a time.

                Leaving this morning without tell him was not what I had intentions on but when I woke up in his apartment wearing nothing, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if what did happen last night would change anything about our friendship. Sadly I had no regrets of anything that happened. Knowing what I knew that happened was enough to tell myself to get out of there and deal with it later.

His hands on my bare skin.

The tenderness of his touch.

The passion in his kiss.

The taste of his lips.

The weight of his body.

"Ma'am, we're here. This is your residence right?" The driver asked, turning back to look at me.

I snapped out of my own thoughts. "Yes." I climbed out of the car and into the warm heat of Los Angeles. The smell of the ocean somewhere in the distance was a great feeling.

He placed my luggage on the ground, "Did you need me to take this in for you?"

"No, thank you but I can get it." There was one large suitcase and my carry on belongings. I could handle that. I was glad I had the box of things from Trace shipped to me. I would have paid more to take them on the plane with me anyways.

                Aaron's car was in the driveway which instantly made my stomach turn. I didn't want to see him. I guess I would get this over with and be done with the situation. I had lots of work to get done and in a short time if I wanted this show to be great.

                I lugged the suitcase through the garage entrance, skipping the first three stairs into the house. The kitchen seemed to be a complete mess. He had not cleaned up after himself at all. I was disgusted by the plates that look like they have been in the sink since I left.

My eyes zero in on a champagne glass sitting in the center of the counter. A champagne glass that had never been used, glasses that were a gift from my mother when I bought this condo. I lifted it to eye level. There was defiantly lipstick on the rim of that glass. Funny thing is... I don't wear lipstick.  

I began to hear noises, he must be awake. I look over at the clock on the wall, it was kind of early for him to be out of bed. I walked down the hallway to a room that used to be our bedroom. The noises were louder. The sound of a woman saying his name over and over again had become very clear.

A part of me could not believe what I was hearing. But my vision doesn't lie to me. The door to my bedroom was wide open, with Aaron thrusting with everything he had, which trust me wasn't much, into a very petite red head in my bed.

I stepped out of that doorway collecting my thoughts. Should I say something? Should I walk away? Should I flip out? Think about your career. Think about what he will never have.

I wasn't hurt. I was pissed off. Those were my sheets, my bed, my bedroom, my condo. I took a deep breath and turned and walked away. I was relieved that it was the absolute end of this relationship that was condemned from the start.

I left the condo with the luggage I walked in with. I was not going to make a scene in front of that girl, who was already going to run to the first tabloid that flashed a check in front of her face. She wasn't going to have any dirt on me. I checked into a suite at a hotel close to the sound stage. I was going to be rehearsing here for a while; I might as well be just steps away.

I had missed yet another call from Justin, one from Janelle, and one from Sam. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wasn't answering for a reason. I left my phone laying on the night stand next to the bed and went for a run. It was hard to run in L.A. but I needed to escape. If those damn paparazzi wanted to run along side of me, then they could.

I was late. I knew I was late but I had to be ready to deal with others. Sam was going to have my ass and I wasn't going to live down being late but I have to do what I have to do at the end of the day. I picked up the phone off the table and rushed down to the lobby, practically running into the sound stage.

I entered the front door and it got super quiet. Everyone stood there, then screamed "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!"

My face turned beat red. I had no idea what was going on but I didn't like the idea of a hundred or so people staring at me like they were.

"Th-ank you" I said scared.

Sam stepped out of the pact, "Malia, you debut album is going to enter the billboard charts at number one."

I covered my mouth, surprised. The lump in my throat started the jostling of my entire abdomen, before the tears started to roll down my face. Success had a price. And that price, it was worth it. I stood there like a blubbering fool as each person hugged me and expressed their feelings on the success of the album.

I broke my silence and finally spoke to everyone as a mass.

"I don't have many words right now. Whew." I couldn't speak. I was speechless. "Thank you everyone. I just want to say I am extremely happy to embark on this new road with all of you. So let's get this show put together."

I turned to Sam and said, "Thank you for all you have done for me personally and my career... and by the way we need to have a conversation, in private." He nodded his head. There were things I didn't feel comfortable disclosing in front of a hundred people and he knew it.

Janelle came over and congratulated me, "You didn't answer my call. You always answer my calls. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing... just nothing." I said to her as I walking over to the mic stand, placing the mic in my hand. I preferred to have it in my hand.

"I know what that ‘nothing' means. And you should know that I don't give up, I will find out what's going on... Smile. You deserve to be happy. This is a huge achievement for you."

"I can't talk about it right now." I could have, I just didn't want to. "I would like to just get my work done."

"Ok, I can respect that. I'm always here for you."

"I know. Thank you for always being there."

                The crew showed me how the stage was set up, where I could walk and where I should stay away from. For some reason they seemed to tell me more than once that I had to stay away from the edge, like I was going to fall off of it or something. Make mental note not to fall of stage. That would be bad. The stage was enormous. I knew it was going to be a big stage but it was amazing to see it firsthand. The different levels that it could put me closer to the crowds were my favorite thing. "Don't fall in there either!" he laughed at me. "That would be really bad." Being a concert attendee myself I knew as the fan, what I wanted. It made the decisions easier. My label was against my idea to have a pit section so close to the stage, but I knew it was the right choice. Fans want to be as close as possible and I was going to give that to them.

"Malia..." Sam said waving for me to join him. We went into one of the offices so we could work out some final details and I had a few things to discuss with him. He shut the door. "So, Malia, what is wrong?"

"Well..." I said sitting on the couch, crossing my legs.

"I knew there was something wrong." Sam sat in the chair across from me, "You're not yourself today."

"A lot has happened in the last twenty four hours... But first I want to discuss Justin with you. I don't need a baby sitter, I'm not irresponsible. I know what I need to do and I will get my job done. I felt like the message you sent me this morning was out of line. I..."

"Malia. I'm sorry." He stopped me, "I shouldn't have sent that message. I was wrong. I apologize."

"Justin is not going anywhere in my life. He is here to stay."

"I already knew that. I saw the way you both react around one another. You have this chemistry that is undeniable. I just don't want your career to be affected negatively by everything..."

I changed the subject because I didn't want to deal with that part of the situation. "Secondly, I need a huge favor. I ended my relationship with Aaron yesterday..."

"Malia are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I just need him out of my condo. I need his things gone. I need the photos gone. I need sheets burned.  I need the bed replaced and I need the locks changed."

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"We haven't been even remotely happy for a long time. Well... I haven't been happy, he just liked the money I would front him. But I finally decided I would rather be unhappy alone than with him and feel worse every day... then this morning I come home and find him in my bed with another woman."

"Oh, Malia..."

I sat up straight, "I'm not hurt. I have been over him and our relationship for longer than I would like to admit... Sam I just need someone to go there tomorrow and make sure that he is out."

"I'll take care of it. I will have someone go over and watch the locks get changed as well. Do you want me to tell him?"

"No, that needs to come from me... One more thing Sam... I would like to keep this info between the two of us. I don't want anyone to think I'm the broken hearted girl who can't put this show together. I will be fine and if I need a moment, I will take it but this isn't something I want everyone to be aware of."

He cock his head to the side, "Stubborn. That's your decision." He shuffled around some paperwork he had been staring at, "So I take it you just want to make no public comments about it."

"I don't see a reason I need to say anything about it. My private life is what it is."

He nodded his head and we proceeded to talk about all the other details that needed wrapped up for the tour. All the details that no one would even think of had to be worked out, and everything needed my approval. Annoying as it was at times, I knew that everything would be what I wanted.

As I left the room he asked again if I was ok and I just nodded my head at him. "Covers, Malia. You need to work on some covers for the show. Get with Joel or Nathan. We need a set list very soon so we get the show set in stone."

                I made the first of the two phone calls that needed to be made. Justin didn't answer so I had to suck it up and call Aaron. I tried his phone five or six times finally opting to leave him a voicemail telling him it was over. He needed to remove his belongings and to leave the key on the counter.

                He must have been screening his phone calls because it couldn't have been a minute later he was calling me back, and not in a great mood at all.

"...What the fuck do you mean I need to move out?" He screamed at me as I answered the phone.

I was still calm, he didn't deserved to be all worked up over. "I'm not arguing with you. This relationship has been over for months, it's time we both move on."

"You mean, move on to Justin fucking Timberlake. I know your game Malia. I know exactly what you're doing."

"Really? You really think so... enlighten me ol' mighty greatness..." I said chuckling to myself.

"Fuck you Malia." He said loudly, screaming at me through the phone.

"That's exactly what I thought. How does it feel to lose at your own game?"

He starts to fumble his words... "I... You... I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's fine. I didn't expect you to fess up to anything."

"You are crazy Malia." He barked, "The only person in this relationship that is playing games is you. The only person that has fucked up is you."

"Aaron. Just get your things and get the fuck out of my condo. That is my place, bought with my money that I earned. You have until tomorrow at noon. There will be someone there to make sure you are gone."

"Where is all of this coming from?" he asked, "You know I love you." Trying to weasel his way back in. He knew at that moment I wasn't kidding anymore. I wasn't playing his game.

Love? Seriously did he just use the word love? That word should mean something when it comes out of someone's mouth. "How was the love you had for the red head this morning? I hope it was everything you'll ever need in your life." I asked. He was quiet on the other end of the phone. He was caught.

"Rumors are crazy in Hollywood and you know it." He said thinking that could solve something.

"How dare you... I saw you... in MY CONDO. In MY FUCKING BED... don't tell me it's just rumors. There isn't a tabloid out there that wants to print your fucking name on it unless it's tied to mine."

I heard a smashing of glass, assuming it was something of mine. "The world doesn't revolve around you Malia. You make it sound like you are the only person that has ever had success in this industry. You need to get over yourself."

I had enough. My boil lever has overflowed. "I'm sorry that my career has just started and it's a longer span that yours has been in the last fucking decade. I'm sorry that this talent you believe you have is not actually there."

"Fuck you.... That's fine... I got everything I needed from you. It was time well wasted." He hung up the phone on me. I wanted to continue to scream at him. It was therapeutic.

I sunk down onto the chair, I got everything I needed from you, his words stung.

I got everything I needed from you.

                Making a list of covers I wanted to do wasn't such an easy task. Over the years I would hear a song and think if I had the chance one day that would be a song I would cover. But here was my chance to do exactly that and his hurtful words were the only thing running through my head. I didn't think anything he could say to me anymore could affect me. But lying in this hotel room bed alone, I felt the sting of those words. The chill of the cotton sheets are leaving goose bumps over my entire body. Sleep became a distant memory. I had got nothing accomplished but I was sure awake.

                I didn't miss him. I didn't even care that it was over, but those words hurt. It's like I meant nothing to him. All the moments, all the times we had, everything meant nothing.        

It didn't surprise me that Justin didn't return my phone call at all. I figured he was working however of course it sent worries of why he wasn't calling me back. I wanted to be wrapped in his arms again. I wanted that feeling he gives me. Some of those worries increased when I received a text message from him before the sun came up.

"I'm at the airport; I'll be in L.A. today. We need to talk. I know you're busy so let me know what a good time is."

My stomach turned, I quickly replied. "As soon as your flight lands, is fine. I'm at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd and I'm awake."

He replied. "Why exactly are you at a hotel? Did something happen..."

"I'm fine, don't worry. We'll talk when you get here."

                I wasn't sure if hearing from him calmed me down enough to rest or exhaustion set in but I fell into a deep sleep for the next few hours. I was woken by my phone buzzing again, "What's your room number?"

"3419" I text back quickly. I looked over at the clock. He was literally coming from the airport? Before I could climb out of bed there was a light knock on the door. I got up and reached for the door, noticing the loveliness that was my hair and not an ounce of makeup on. Great, I thought. I look wonderful. I ran my hand through my not so straight anymore hair, eventually giving up. It didn't matter.

I opened the door and there is he stood, his jeans that fit him perfectly, the shirt that fits him snug enough to see the outline of his tiny toned waist. It almost made me jealous. How this man could make a fedora hat sexy beyond belief still boggles my mind. He looked tired from his flight, or maybe it was simply just worry that resided in his eyes. "Can I come in?" he asks politely.

"Yes, of course. Sorry."  I said as I moved to the side so he could step in the room. I shut the door behind him. Standing next to the door, still holding onto the handle I asked, "How was your flight?"

He didn't start with any small talk in went right into what he wanted to say, "Malia- we didn't do anything wrong..." he started rambling, "Ok maybe the kissing and my hands on your body... and... sleeping in the same bed together naked wasn't the best choice however we didn't do anything." He starts to point at his chest, taking blame. "It was my fault. I spilled the drink all over your clothes. I should have known by the thoughts in my head what I wanted..." he looked away from me. "I knew, I knew what I wanted."  

"Justin-" I interrupted him, "I had options. I didn't have to strip down, I wanted to. I wanted to be next to you. I wanted to feel you... I wanted to feel wanted by someone..." I felt the pain of those words. I felt the water building up in my eyes, "Even if it was just for a moment."

He reached out to take my hand into his. "I don't want this to affect us. I want you to stay in my life... in whatever way that leaves us."

"-Justin, if anything I was worried that I had pulled you across a line you were not comfortable with."

"I can't be pulled too far if I didn't want to." He shakes his head, "How is it that we have only known each other days yet it feels like I have known you my entire life?"

I stood in front of him, comfortably in my boy shorts and a tank top. "I wish I could explain that... and a lot of other things going on..." I trailed off thinking I already said too much.

"Are you okay?" he asked, taking the back of his hand pushing the hair away from my face, gliding it across my jaw line.

"I'll be fine..." I muttered, trying to convince even myself.

He pulled me close to him, resting my head on his chest. "What is going on with you? Talk to me." He pleaded.

I stood quietly wrapped up in his arms. He held on tight and listened as I began to open up. "How is it possible to be on top of the world and at the very same time, be at the bottom of the barrel?" A part of me couldn't believe those words actually came out of my mouth. I wasn't happy with Aaron, and I don't know if it really had anything to do with him. It was the idea of the end of something that had me second guessing everything. The end of something only meant the beginning of something new.

"I've been there. I understand it... Are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked again. He must have thought if he continued to ask, I would cave in. He didn't know me that well, I wouldn't.

"No." I kept my head on his chest listening to the beat of his heart. It sounded like a galloping horse, over and over again. No one needed to know right now that my relationship had ended and I had been cheated on. Justin and I hadn't crossed that line. I lifted my head looking into his worried blue eyes. "I'm fine."

He placed his hand back on the side of my face, running his thumb on the flushed cheeks. "You're absolutely gorgeous." He said it was such emotion, such truth, such ease.

A smile waved across my face. Sweet, genuine, pure honest words made me rise to stand on my tippy toes. Something New. I lean into his face, pressing my lips onto his. His words made me say mine, "Make love to me." I said into his ear.

I wanted him. I wanted every piece of him. I wanted something new. But more, I wanted him.

"Malia... we..." I continued placing soft intimate kisses down his neck.

I took over his thoughts, "Justin... make love to me." I demanded, reaching down to the button on his jeans, quickly releasing it free. He didn't hesitate as he started to slide out of his shoes. "There is nothing stopping us..." It was the permission he needed to hear. He kicked off the shoes, tossing them across the room. A smile widens across his face, his hands immediately go back to my face, pulling it close to his, placing his lips on mine gently then forcefully entering his tongue into my mouth. His hands trailed down my back, gripping his fingers into the hem of my shirt, inching it slowly up over my head, tossing it to the floor. I run my hands under the hem of his shirt and up his bare chest, lifting his arms to push the shirt off his skin. His hands ran down my abdomen sending shock waves through my body as his hands reach the elastic band of my shorts, his thumbs take hold of them, his lips start down the trail of my stomach until he reaches that band. He looks up at me, smiling with complete lust in his eyes. He wastes no time pushing them to the floor. As he rises up to eye level, his fingers trail over my already throbbing center. I let out a yelp when he whisks me off the floor taking me by surprise. Cradled in his arms, looking at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before, I pulled myself up to his face kissing him deeply as he lowered me onto the bed.

Climbing over me he looks at me contently. If I wanted any moment of my life to be frozen in time, it would be this one. We were both completely naked, yet the one thing we couldn't stop looking at were each other's eyes. I could look into his eyes forever more. His long arm and large hand runs down over my hips, teasing my sensitive lips, continuing down the length of my leg, raising it in the air as his hand runs down the back of my leg, resting it on his shoulder. I feel him being close to the entrance. I wrapped my hands around his fully erected cock and placed it right where I needed it to be.

"I thought you wanted me to make love to you." He smiles as he pushes himself further inside of me, throwing my entire body into an arch off the mattress. I have never been with someone the size that he was. I didn't have a response; I had other things to enjoy. "And I take it by your reaction... this is what you wanted anyways..."

"Yes... yes..." I managed escape out of my lungs as he thrusts in and out of my opening at a constant speed. He latched onto my lips, kissing me deeply again as our bodies continued to rock together. When I felt that the world was going to explode around me, I make him pull out. I wanted to have him get the same pleasure I was getting. I straddle my legs, lowering myself onto him, arching myself back slightly, ensuring I was going to hit the right spot every time. I started to rock up and down, taking every inch of him in as far as it would go every time. As the pace quickened, the sensation in my entire body was on fire. "Come with me... Justin... Come with me..." I said slow and seductively.

"Fuck... yes... fuck.... Mallliiiia....yes... yes..." He screamed. In a quick movement, he flipped me over onto my back. Thrusting harder this time, faster this time. "JUSSTTTIIINNN" I screamed finally. My entire body let go... at the very same moment he bursted the threshold inside of me. Releasing everything he was holding on to, but he continued to rock back and forth at a slower motion until he came to a complete stop.

I threw myself back on the mattress, breathing heavily, sweaty residue over my entire body. He collapses beside me. "Oh my god..." he said.

"That was..." I couldn't catch my breath.

"Yea... that was..." I tilted my head to the side looking at him, watching his chest rise and fall. His neck was stretched out and I could see his Adam's apple poking slightly into the air. I wiggled myself closer to him. Taking my finger and running it over his neck and down his chest. His body shakes from cold chills. "Does that turn you on, Justin?" I said smirking at him.

"Damn... girl..." he pulled me up to his face. "You are amazing, do you know that?"

I tucked my head onto his chest, tangled my legs up with his, intertwining our fingers. "If you keep telling me that, I may just believe it." Moments later I feel his breathing start to even out. I relaxed into his skin and fell asleep in his arms.

Waking up hours later in the very same position I fell asleep in. I lifted my head slowly, trying not to wake him. He was so peaceful when he slept. The small smile that he had on his face was something I took as an achievement on my part. The small amount of hair that was along his jaw line was utterly sexy. His chest was smooth and chiseled. I was jealous. I got my hand free and began to trail my finger along the groove of his chin, and down his chest, letting them go further south, circling around the hair just under his belly button. Just as my hand got to where I wanted it to be, I felt him place his hand on top of mine. "Are you trying to kill me woman?"

"That wouldn't give me nearly as much pleasure." I continued to trail my fingers up his stomach, quickly throwing my legs over his waist, pinning him down. "I have about an hour before I have to go, we could use the time wisely."

"You are trying to kill me... but it's not a bad way to go!" he pulls me down to his face.

I take his lips onto mine. "Not bad at all."

                I had thought about the covers I wanted to do for some time.  None of which anyone else would agree on, I was sure. Doing covers wasn't something that should be done just to do. I wanted them to mean something. They had to have a personal touch or feeling. I wasn't going to cover a song because it was a classic. I would cover anything as long as the lyrics were perfect. There were thousands of songs just over the last decade that I would be happy with doing, but finding the right ones was my challenge.

I had been on this stage for hours today going through possible ideas for covers. I was happy to see Joel and I could be on the same pages within seconds. He knew every song's melody without even having to think about it. There were little notes everywhere with my handwriting scribbled all over them, but there were a couple songs I came coming back to.

Technically I didn't need to be here today. The band was trying to get all the songs from the album memorized, but I thought it would be crazy for them to lean the album version of the song when I knew I would change things up for the live version.

With Justin being late for his meeting this morning, his day was pushed behind. He was going to work on one cover that I was already set on doing. He wasn't aware of it yet but I knew that it was just one song that changed the face of music and it was the perfect cover. It was sure to cause some tabloids to run with a story and it was sure to cause some controversy, but I was going to do it. I couldn't wait to tell him about it, if only I could figure out a way to make it different but still the same song.

"Joel." I said into the mic. "Right there... can you rock it up a little. Make it a little more edgy, something I can pop my hip to or something different?"

"Of course." He goes back a couple lines and replays the section.

I dropped my head listening intently to the chords. "Yes.... yes... perfect. Let's keep that"

It felt like it was nine hundred degrees in that sound stage. The air was on but as much as I was dancing around it didn't matter. The chorographer, Dawn, was working my tail off. So much for me not even supposed to be here today. Layer by layer, clothing started to be removed. I was down to a sports bra and a pair of shorts I had continued to roll down, if I rolled it any further I would start to expose an area that could possibly cause a scene. The stiletto booties were a nice touch to the outfit. I had to rehearse in them, I was planning on wearing heels during the show and these were the most comfortable pair I owned, well it's not like I had much to choose from. My choices were limited to what I already had in my suitcase.

"I think that's the cover you should do." Joel looked at me, as if I should have already known that. "You are the one that brought it to the table... you said you wanted to do it. I'm telling you, you should do it."

I didn't have the belief that I could do it. I was the one second guessing it. "I don't think it's something I can pull off night after night. That song needs power behind it."

"And you think you don't have it? You're sadly mistaken, you have it."

I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure I could do it. I was sure that I could however screw it up night after night.

"Let's just try it." He said, trying to pull me in. "See if you can show me what you think you are going to screw up on?"

"Do you know the music?" I asked, hoping for a no.

"Of course I do. That song is incredible."

Great I thought. I wanted to do the song, but it was a lot of pressure. Amy Lee's vocals weren't something, someone else could touch. With the mic in hand, I shake off the nerves. The keyboard started to play. The notes, the chords, the lyrics, the emotion, the pain, and everything that came along with that song came back to me. The simplicity of just that keyboard makes the hair on my arms stand up. "I'm so tired of being here... Suppressed by all my childish fears... And if you have to leave... I wish that you would just leave... Cause your presence still lingers here... And it won't leave me alone..."

As my voice started to rise, Jason came in softly on the acoustic guitar, filling in the space Joel was leaving out with the keyboard. "These wounds won't seem to heal... This pain is just too real... There's just too much that time cannot erase... "

I started the first lines of the chorus, rolling into the second verse. The song has become a part of me again. I felt everything that was needed to be felt while saying the words that these lyrics possess. I was now singing about my life, "You used to captivate me by your resonating light... Now I'm bound by the life you left behind... Your face it haunts... My once pleasant dreams... Your voice it chased away... All the sanity in me..." I moved closer to the end of the stage, "These wounds won't seem to heal... This pain is just too real... There's just too much that time cannot erase..." My voice climbed with every word, higher and higher, projecting in the space. "I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone...But though you're still with me... I've been alone all along..." I dropped my head back on the last word, noticing the goose bumps up my arms, before going into the last section of the song. "When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears... When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears... I held your hand through all of these years... But you still have... all of me..." With the mic in hand, staring out over an empty space, I felt that this song could be something I could handle. It hit home. "Me...Me..." I dropped my head to the floor. So many of my fears and feelings lied within the words of that song and there was nothing. As much as it would hurt, this was the song I knew I had to do. No one said anything. It was the kind of silence where no one needed to say anything. I couldn't shake that ‘haunted' feeling.

I heard very loudly a man clearing his throat in the microphone, causing it to echo through the space. I turn to look at the guys behind me, none of them were even close to their mics. The feeling that came over everyone after that song has made them not even look at me. The voice entered the feedback in my inner ear. "Now that is a look I need to recreate for my clothing line..." I heard the mic hit the floor causing a quick bam in my ear. I knew it was his voice, I couldn't find him though. I turned looking out over the entire space. Where was he? Maybe I imagined that? That song is making me think crazy things. I laughed to myself, turning back to talk to Dawn, who was showing the other dancers where they needed to be.

I gasped. "Oh my god." Placing my hand over my chest, "You scared the shit out of me." There is was, standing inches from my face. I stepped back.

"I'm glad I have that effect on you." He said that smile planted on his face.

I rolled my eyes, "You wish Timberlake."

"I'm digging the outfit, it's very sexy." He said with his lips perched to one side of his face.

"I'm glad this ensemble..." I waved my hands up and down my clothing, "does something for you."

He leans in whispering into my ear, breathing down the side of my neck. "Actually it's very sexy. I love a half dressed woman..." he looks down, "in heels... but I prefer for it to be I my bedroom...  I could use them as handles... after I remove everything but the heel..." The seduction in his words make my eyes roll back into my head, fluttering my eyelids, causing a warm sensation to explode in my system. "But I guess I can't have it all..."

I turn my head away from him for a second but without thinking of anything other than the words that just turned me on, I ran her finger over chest, down between my breasts, "I hope this sweat does something for you as well..." I said with a little sass.... Turning quickly, walking to the other side of the stage. I turned to watched him stand there for a moment with his head thrown back looking at the ceiling. I could see his back muscles inhale and exhale a deep breath. He was totally turned on and that makes me very happy. I thought to myself.

Trying to focus on work I snap into work mode. I couldn't have all these dirty thoughts about him and get anything accomplished. Luckily for me, Joel comes over and asks a question about the mash up we had been thinking of doing. "I think you should do all four of the songs. The lyrics sorta run together... it could work."

"Let's try it!" I said, it was a great idea and it would take my mind off of him for a couple minutes.

"What songs is it?" Justin asked, sliding into our conversation.

"It's four Kelly Clarkson songs." I said turning back to Joel. "Let's just try it."

I walked away from the both of them, but I heard Joel says, "You just missed an incredible moment..."

He started to play the opening guitar riff, the drums started to come in. "Our time has come... To make a little more room... I've hung around you... It's getting tough... I think I'm gonna break down soon..." The music switches over.... "Everybody talking... but they don't say a thing... They look at me with sad eyes... But I don't want the sympathy... It's cool you didn't warn me... Sometimes you can't go back... Why did you have to make a mess like that?..." The music switches again, a little more upbeat this time. "It's like you're a drug... It's like you're a demon I can't face down... It's like I'm stuck... It's like I'm running from you all the time... And I know let you have all the power ... It's like the only company I seek is misery all around..." I didn't realize that the words to these songs actually fit my current situation. Maybe that's while I chose them. I chuckled out loud as the music changes again. "What you see's not what you get... What you see's not what you get... You know you did it now I'm gone... To find someone to live for in this world... There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight... Just a bridge that I gotta burn..." He finished playing the song, bringing it back full circle to the first song. "So go on, and sleep darling... Why don't you pretend it was just a dream?... It's cool baby, it doesn't matter anyway... Well I'm sorry... I got to the station a little too late... It's such a shame... I just missed the train... I just missed the train..."

                I stood there, center stage silent. It was perfect. It was exactly what I thought it should sound like. "What do you think?" I turned to Joel, waiting to hear what he thought. He was the musical director; I wanted to know his thoughts. He just looked at me.

"I think that if we do something else in place of it I am going to hurt you." His words took a second to register. I was nervous. I thought he hated it. "I think this mash up with the other song you did just a couple minutes ago, have to be in the show."

I started to jump up and down. Everything was coming together piece by piece. "Shit." I felt pain start to radiate through my entire left leg. I bent over rubbing the back of my calf. I had gotten a Charlie horse and I couldn't shake the pain. I pressed harder on the muscle trying to release some of the pain. I stood up and took a step forward, hoping the pain would work itself out.

 "Nice View" I heard Justin say as turn back to him, watching his eyes travel over my chest, slowly up my neck , focusing just left of my lips, at the dimple that appears as a smile widens across my face."That's a very nice view." He said again.

 "What do you think?" I asked.

"I already said it's a very nice view." He stretched his neck trying to see more of my nearly naked body.

"Earth to Justin!" I said laughing at him...

He straightens his body back up in the chair. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Other than you..." I laughed, noticing he was very excited. "The mash up Justin... the songs I just did... were you even listening?"

"Damn..." He shakes his head, making a funny noise. "That mash up is perfect...  but..." he said.

I didn't like the way he said but... that was going to get him a kick in the behind. "But what? Do you think it's too many songs, should I just stick with the two or three songs?"

"No, I really think it's perfect. It's the perfect mix of the songs... they blend well... but it's going to suggest that you have had a bad breakup with your boyfriend." The smirk that rolls across his face had the underlined notion that it was actually what he wanted.

"My fiancé?" I questioned.

His face turned white as a ghost, his mouth and lips instantly turned dry as he jaw was on the floor. He swallowed hard, "YOUR WHAT?"

I knew that was not the polite thing to do but I couldn't resist. "Calm dawn killer, there's a story going to press tomorrow that were engaged. The woman from PR just called to tell me." I turned back to see Joel walking away from our conversation.

Justin approached me and asked, "Are you... engaged to him?" I could hear the guilt that he had in the pit of his stomach. The fact that he thinks we cheated on Aaron was eating him alive.

"No." I said stern. "Far from that, but you know how rumors run in this town." I tried to blow off the situation.

"What is going on with that?" He wanted an answer; he wanted to hear those three simple words.

"The songs should be an inkling of what's going on in our relationship."

"I see the sadness in your eyes when you talk about him. You're not happy, and at that point it's time to break it off."

"Yea, I know." I dropped my head and walked out of that soundstage. I needed to tell Justin. If anyone, he needed to know for certain what was going on. But honestly I didn't want to talk about it. So instead I found myself in the back room working on the lyrics for the cover of his song that I wanted to do. I would bury myself in work and prevent this conversation from happening right now. He however, wasn't going to let me run away.

"Malia..." he says shutting the door behind him.

"Please, I need to work on this." I continued to stare at the notebook paper in front of me that had words wrote everyone on every line but I couldn't see a single letter on the page.

"That's why I'm here, remember... the cover you wanted me to work on with you?" Ouch. He wasn't here to spend time with me he was only here for work.

I walked across the room, finding my makeup bag on the counter. I pulled my messy hair back into a ponytail, wrapping the hair tie around it, revealing a small tattoo on the back of my neck. It was a wonderful mess, but I didn't care. It was too hot to care.

"What's this?" he rubs his hand across my shoulder along the line of my neck, taking his fingers right over the tattoo. His touch made every piece of hair on my body stand up. He walked around my body slowly trailing his fingers on my skin, running them over the hot flesh. "I don't know if it's the messy hair... that tattoo... your neck... your legs... those heels... your lips... your ass... or what it is but you have me completely turned on..."

I tried to contain my thoughts and ideas of what I wanted to do to him but it didn't happen. I pushed him against the door, shoving his already rock hard cock into my center. I latched my lips onto his, nipping the inner curve of his lip. He reached behind him and locked the door. His hands immediately went to my waist band, twirling his fingers into the material that was rolled down, resting his hands on my hips. His fingers caressed the skin under the shorts. I took my hands and ran them under his shirt, tossing it to the floor, taking back to his lips as I unfasten his jeans. I leaned down to unzip the bootie when he latched a hold of my wrist. "Leave those on... you have teased me enough in them..." I pulled down my own shorts at this point, taking the panties with them. I couldn't wait to have him any longer. I took my arms, wrapping them around his neck, jumping into the air, forcing him in as my ass met his skin, locking my legs around him, taking every inch of him in. Wiggling to make sure he was completely in. "God..." he exhaled with so much pleasure.

I covered his mouth with one hand, "Shhh..." I started to thrust my hips into him while he did the same thing. Our movement became one. My hand stayed over his mouth, he was a noise maker and the only thing I wanted to hear was the sound of our bodies slamming together. He nipped down on my hand causing me to release my hand from his mouth but it gave me more strength to hold on tighter around his neck. He takes his hands to my hips and starts to forcefully pushing my body back and forth into his, his rock hard flesh was pulsation in and out of me at such a rapid movement that I couldn't distinguish which way I was moving. My vocal cords wanted to scream, my entire being wanted to scream. I was sure the point on the heel was digging into his skin. Just as I let myself start to vocally express what he was doing to me, he placed his enormous hand over my mouth. "Did you hear that?" He asked. I gasped, mumbling into his hand. But then I heard it. "Malia..."

 It was Sam's voice. "Malia." It was defiantly Sam yelling down the hallway. "Have you seen Malia?" he asked someone in the hallway. I thought if we were quiet he would go back down the hallway.

Knock Knock.... I jumped off of him, grabbing my items of clothing, putting them back on.

Knock Knock. "Malia" he said again.

What should I do? Should I answer him? I clearly have the ‘I just fucked him' look on my face. What was I going to do? Justin stood there with the same look on his face. He scrambled to pick up his clothes as well. How was I going to cover this up? What did I have to cover this situation up? Screw it, suck it up. "Yes Sam." I answered him.

"Malia... are you busy."

I laughed, not now. "Justin and I are working on something..." I laughed again. Something, that was for sure.

"I need to see you about the situation I was taking care of for you today..." he says trailing off.

I knew what he was talking about and I didn't want him to elaborate. "Just give me a second, I'll be right there." I pulled my sports bra back over my head, adjusting the elastic waistband.

"I expect you to finish what you started... and you better put these handles to good use when I get back." I slid my shorts over my feet and pulled them on.

 Justin dropped to the couch, rubbing his hands over his face. A bit of guilt resided in his eyes again. It was strange how he could he could go from not caring at all about the consequences to complete despair. I need to tell him. I'm going to tell him. "Justin." I stood with my hand on the door handle, trying to come up with the words.

"Malia..." he said first. "We can't continue doing this."

I couldn't do it. Why could I not manage to say those words? It wasn't that difficult, it was actually pretty simple words to say. "Can we talk about this later? Can we talk about this when there's no one else around? There's a lot I need to tell you." He simply nodded his head, and I turned and walked out of the room.

The end of something should just be that. The end. Understanding the concept of moving on wasn't so cut and dry but when something needed to be over long before it was, there was no excuse. I wasn't stopping him from going; I am the one that wanted him gone. I could have been that girl. I could have let him do what he wanted and pretend I couldn't see it. But I wasn't that girl. I wasn't content. I wasn't happy. I was unhappy.

I took my hair down, running my hands through it only to pull it back up into a ponytail walking down the hallway. Hoping and praying no one notices the tiny details. Maybe they would think that I was still flushed in the face from dancing around the stage.

"I'm worried." Sam said the moment I sat down to talk with him, rubbing his hands over his face as he sat back on the couch. I wanted this entire situation to be over with. I didn't want to see or speak to Aaron again. I wanted it to be done. But from the tone in Sam's voice, this was far from over. "Aaron seems to think there is some misunderstanding. He says he still loves you."

Love. He threw that word around too often for me to even think he meant the strength of that word anymore. "There is no misunderstanding. He was fucking someone in my bed when I walked in that house... but that doesn't even matter, I haven't been happy for a long time. I just want to be done with this relationship and start over."

He sighed heavy. "I'm worried he is going to make a scene about this. He isn't going to walk away empty handed in a sense." He shuffled around in his seat, "I don't think your realize who you are in this industry. Your name... your name is out there and it sells tabloids. You have the number one album and single in the country... everyone wants a piece of you and Aaron knows that."

Why couldn't Aaron simply be the bigger person, be the man and walk away from this. I still had hopes that he would. "He doesn't have anything on me. I was the perfect little girlfriend for the entire time we were together."

He tilted his head downwards but looking right at me. "So, Justin..."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Caught. I took a deep breath, he knew nothing. "He has nothing on me, I promise you."

"As long as that's the truth, we are good to go. He is out of your condo, the locks were changed and the furniture company is delivering a new bad and mattress tomorrow..."

"Thank you. I really appreciate all you have done for me."

"I know you do... now get out there and work on that show." He waved for me to go away.

Walking down that long hallway, I had the greatest idea for the cover. I knew it was the song I wanted to do but it was the perfect way to do it. A light switch had been flipped on and my brain was actually working again. My pace became quicker, almost a run down the narrow hallway onto the stage. My legs and hands are fidgety as I wait patiently for Joel and Justin's conversation to be finished. My foot began to tap, "Malia..." Joel asked, "What are you clearly very excited about? Something that is causing your whole body to shake from excitement?"

"I figured it out." I expressed, "I know how to do that cover!"

His eyes widen, "And..."

Justin moves in on the conversation, "What song did you want to do?"

An enormous smile ran across my face. "SexyBack"

His face was both shocked and annoyed. "Please tell your kidding?"

"Actually I'm not. That song was an enormous song for you. It was a song that can never be created again but anyone. It's something that people can try to duplicate but it just won't happen..."

"I almost hate that song." he said rolling his eyes. He was annoyed by my choice.

"Why?" I asked, surprised.

He placed his hand over his chest, "Don't get me wrong. I love the song. I'm proud of it and everything it did but... I guess I just of tired of hearing that I was this overly cocky man who thought he was literally bringing sexy back."

I started to talk with my hands, like I always do. "But they were talking about you. That's what it's about. Everyone in the world had listened to the song. They all made it what it was..." I shrugged my shoulders. "And you did bring sexy back."

"You're funny Malia..." Annoyed Justin didn't seem to like my sense of humor as much as Sexy Justin did. "I know and I understand it. It's just a love hate relationship with it.... Why do you want to do that song? I have plenty of other songs... that is the last one I thought you were interested in."

"For all of those reasons..." My giddiness ran from my fingers to my toes remembering a specific day. "... The day I met you on Ellen, I called my mother and was telling her about everything that happened... I told her I met you and she instantly was like, you mean Mr. SexyBack? You got to meet him?... I laughed at first because my mother was calling you Mr. SexyBack but that song is how she knew you. She referred to you as that instead of your name... that says something. That one song could define a generation of music."

"Ok, that's going a little far. Plus the only thing it says is that women old enough to be my mother listen to my music..."

"No." I said trying to convince him I was right, "That song hit a spark with every generation. That song had no boundaries."

He nods his head, "... I see your point, but..."

I didn't let him finish. "Here's the twist. I don't want to just cover the song..." He was listening intently now. "I wanna almost tell it from the female's point of view. I want her to be talking to you as the male, and her telling him what she wants to do to him..."

He stands contently, shaking his head as if he agrees.

I continued to ramble. "The line that says, ‘So, turn around and I'll pick up his slack'... change it to ‘So, turn around and I'll pick up where she slacked' keep the chorus but change up some of the other lines..."

 "You are a freaking genius." Justin says as he is now hearing in his head what I have running through mine. "‘Let me make up for the things she lacked' it's the perfect spin on it."

"Joel?" I asked, turning back to him. "What do you think?"

"The original creator of that song is standing right here. It's not my song, I think he said it all."

"Do you think it will work though, from the music standpoint for my show?"

"Are we changing it at all?" He asked.

"I'm sure there will be some tweaking but no I think leaving the exact beat makes it what it is."

"I think it will work. I think it fits who you are and it represents the song as well..." He immediately went over to his keyboard and started playing with the sound. Bouncing his head to the sound of that song.

I turned back over to Justin who is off in some other place, staring straight ahead, bobbing his head, the jukebox in his head was pretty loud. He went off into his world. The look over his face became distant, but in good way. He was always happy in his music world. "Maybe you could record something to show up on the screen of you starting the song, then it scratches over and my band picks up the song and I jump out on stage somehow... and start singing a the slightly different version?"

He moved closer towards my space, closing in the distance between us, he hand went over the groove of my cheekbone, relaxing his hand over my face. He began to speak, but my heart was racing a mile a minute, the only thing I heard him say was, "Malia- you're brilliant."

"Yea, yea, I know..." I rolled my eyes, trying to relax myself. "Let's get to work." I bent down to pick up the notepad on the speaker.

Justin bent down with me as well, at eye level again he says, "I was thinking, we could get out of here, get some dinner... go back to the room..."

Still bent down, I look at him. I know this is what he wants, "Don't you think we should work on this song?" I looked over at the clock on the wall, it was only after seven in the evening. There were too many hours left in the day to bail out already.

He stood slowly, "There's always tomorrow... I... I can't be here anymore." He said turning not looking at me anymore.

"Are you tired?" I asked, trying to get him to look at me.

"No." He shook his head.

I took my hand and forced him to look at me. "Are you okay?"

"I can't answer that." His eyes looked lost again. There was a distance in them that I had seen earlier tonight.

I stepped closer to him, he stepped back quickly. He didn't want to be close to me anymore. "We can go." I said nervously. "We'll go."

                I knew everything that had been bothering him, was my fault. I was causing that emptiness in his eyes. I was causing the pain and confusion. I had to end that for him.

I drove back to the hotel alone. It was just a couple blocks over, but it felt like it would take an eternity to get there.  I wasn't even sure if he was going to return with me. When he climbed into his car I saw his head drop and the guilt return to his face. He had nothing to be guilty of. But he was wrong; the only person that needed to be guilty was me. I should have found a way to tell him, I should have not let him push the issue aside. I should have just said it. And that is exactly what I was going to do.

I pulled in the parking garage and he was no where around. I waited a couple minutes and decided I would go up to the room. The two men standing in the corner of the garage attempting to hide from me aren't hiding so well with that camera that has a red light on it, blinking. I didn't need to give them a reason to stay. If I went inside they would leave, hopefully.

The room was muggy and quiet. The message light of the hotel phone was blinking. It didn't matter to me who it was; I had to make things okay with Justin again.

Nervously I went through my luggage as I waited for him to join me. My head kept turning back to the door, waiting for it to open. Jeans, tanks and t-shirts filled my luggage. I had nothing to wear, nothing I wanted to wear anyways. I really should be able to go back to my own condo. I couldn't take that chance just yet. Twenty minutes go by and it sets in that he wasn't coming. A part of me was ticked off that he made this scene of wanting to get out of there. He should have just said he wanted to leave. I could still be there working out some details. But the other part of me was hurt. I had no reason to feel that way, but I did.

With a heavy heart I got in the shower. I stood under the steaming hot water, letting it run over my body. I guess I hoped it would wash away all the stupid choices I had made. I had hoped that it would clean away this mess I had caused. It didn't. I slide into my robe that I always traveled with, seeing a silhouette in the mirror, a reflection of myself should have been there but it's not what I saw. I saw the blurriness of my life, my relationship with Aaron ending, the friendship I may have lost with Justin, the mess I now call my life. My legs beneath me collapsed and I hit to the floor sobbing into my hands.

Crying was a sign of weakness, and I was as weak as they come.

These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

I could talk my way around things most times. I could convince someone I was fine, I could even convince myself for the most part. But alone in this hotel room I feel the pain of heartbreak. I feel the pain of loneliness. For the first time I have let myself feel pain of losing a piece of my heart. I felt the guilt of what I had done to Justin, what I continued to do to Justin. This wasn't the person I was. I wasn't sure what had come over me.

"Malia-" I heard Justin's voice, panicking and his footsteps getting closer, "Oh my god, Malia." He rushed into the bathroom, falling to the floor where I was huddled over on crying into my hands. I lifted my head slightly enough to let him know I was ok. He reached down, tucking his hands and arms under my body, cradling me in his arms, carrying me over to the bed. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I couldn't get a grip on the emotions that were running through my system. "Malia, I'm here..." he said rubbing the side of my face, wiping away the tears rolling down my face. "I'm here..."

"Please, just leave me..." I begged, pushing myself away from him. "Just leave, save yourself from me..."

"I'm not going anywhere." He curled up beside me, pulling my body back close to him.

I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't deserve to have the compassion of this man. "Justin, just go..."

"Malia I'm not leaving. Tell me what happened?" he pleaded.

I laid there in his arms, in arms I didn't deserve to be in. "I'm weak."

"Do I need to take you to the hospital?" he asked scrambling to get up on the bed, he was worried now.

I sat up slowly, feeling the weight become heavier as I pushed my body upright. "I broke up with Aaron." I exhaled a deep breath with those words escaping my lungs. I finally said it. The words were set free. Those words were like razors, cutting as they flowed out. The release from his worries was instant in his eyes. "I don't know why it was so difficult to say those words. I wasn't happy. I wanted it to end. I chose that decision..." My covered my face with my hands, crying tears I didn't think I had in me.

He leans in and takes my hand into his, "Just because it was something you knew you should do. Just because it was your choice, doesn't make it hurt any less. You ended a part of your life. It's ok to be hurting."

"I let you think... I should have..." My words were not forming any kind of sentences.

"Breath Malia, breath." He said lifting my chin up to look at him.

"I broke up with Aaron." I said it again. "I broke up with Aaron... yesterday."

"Ok..." he said in his understanding voice. I couldn't believe he was this amazing of a person and he was sitting next to me, comforting me.

"I broke up with him before we crossed that line... I tried to tell you... I tried so many times and either I couldn't form the words or you didn't want to hear it. I didn't want anyone to know... I didn't want to be that girl... but I can't handle seeing that pain in your eyes anymore. I can't handle seeing that guilt in your eyes... I'm not one to cheat Justin. I have never... I ... I know I crossed lines with you... -"

He cut me off, putting his pointer finger over my mouth. "Malia. Shut up."

My eyes widened, "I'm sorry... what?" I couldn't believe he just said that to me.

"None of that matters. Never think that you are at fault for anything I choose to do. I am a grown man, my own person, I make those choices. If I am guilty of something, let me feel the guilt."

"I don't want to lose you..." I confessed. I know we haven't known each other long but I feel like I have known you forever. I honestly don't know what I would do if you hated me."

"I could never hate you." He pulled me closer to him. "I was feeling guilty because I'm not that guy. I have never... but don't for a minute that it was your fault. We made choices."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I said trying to relieve my own guilt for holding that information to myself.

"I wish you would have, but I understand. Saying those words makes it real. Saying those words out loud is hard to do for the first time."

"Sam seems to think Aaron is going to make a scene."

"I wouldn't be surprised. That's the type of person he is." Justin said with such truth.

                Why had I not seen that this was the person he was? How could I have been with him for years and not seen what everyone else could see in him just minutes of knowing him. I guess love is blind. I chose not to see this side of him, maybe I didn't want to see that side of him. I wanted to believe that I had found a good guy and everyone around me seemed to judge him without really knowing him. But maybe I was the one wrong.

                Opting on ordering takeout food and have it delivered was the best and only option we had. From the window of this hotel room, I can see the lens of a camera every couple feet, through the blinds. The moment we stepped foot in this hotel the paparazzi have begun to swarm around the building. They must have seen Justin come in after I did. They were stationed in their spots and had no intentions on leaving. It still seemed strange to me that they would simply stand out there and wait, and wait for maybe nothing. Seemed a waste of a day to me.

                I cleaned off the coffee table in the suite, which was still covered in my clothing scattered all over the place. I had stepped out of the view of the doorway, I didn't need the delivery guy seeing me in next to nothing and Justin in only a pair of shorts. This random person did need to see the outcome of what we have obviously been doing the entire evening. Hopefully the guy wouldn't recognize Justin, hopefully the guy was oblivious to who he was. Not so lucky. "Oh fuck." The guy said the moment I heard the door open. "I'm sorry." He said, knowing how inappropriate that was.

"How much is it?" Justin asked politely, attempting to assure him that he was just like anyone else.

"I don't have a clue. I lost my train of thought. I didn't expect it to be Justin freaking Timberlake at the door."

Justin smiles and hands him money, "Keep the change."

"Thanks man. Wow, I can't believe I just delivered food to you."

Justin latched the bag in his hand. "You are going to be hounded when you walk out the doors of the hotel. They are going to assume you delivered to this room and make it quite difficult for you to leave."

"Thanks, I saw them out there when I came in. No worries man I won't say a word."

                Justin shut the door behind him bringing the food over to the table, joining me on the floor. Only we would rather sit on the floor at the coffee table than to sit at that grand table in the suite. Our white take out containers flipped open, filling the space with the smell of food. There was a weird silence in the room but it wasn't awkward. It was almost just an understanding between the two of us. He understood that and was amazing about it. A lot had happened today and I wasn't sure how tomorrow would turn out.

                "How is your heart?" Justin asked, reaching his hand across the table, placing it over mine.

"It hurts... for a lot of reasons."

"It's going to hurt for a while. I wish there was something I could say or do to take away that pain..."

A smile, lingered on my face. He was incredible. "I'm glad I have you here, even if it is just for a moment."

"I will be here as long as you need me to be here." His sweet smile spreads across his face, causing the flutter in my stomach to go crazy.

As much as I would personally love that, I couldn't let him do that. And I had an entire show to prefect; he would be a major distraction from everything that needed done. "I know your schedule is busy, I'm not going to keep you here."
"I want to be here." He lifted himself up on his knees, bracing himself on the table, leaning his body towards mine, kissing my forehead. "If I didn't want to be here with you, I would have left by now."

I looked down at my food, moving it around with the fork, not really eating any of it. There was more that I had to tell him, he needed the whole truth. I continued to move around the food, pushing it to the sides of the container. "When I left your apartment in NYC and flew home..." My words seemed to flow out easier this time. "I found Aaron in bed with another woman..." I stood up from that floor, walking to the glass windows overlooking Hollywood Boulevard through the blinds.

"Malia... why didn't you tell me." He said following me to the window.

The idea that I was the one that had been cheated on was mind blowing. Yes, I told him I was done but is that grounds for having someone in my bed that very same night? Who was I to judge though? Granted I was in the arms of a man in his bed but it was his apartment. Aaron was in my bed, in my condo with another woman. "I don't want it to be a big deal. I don't want to be the girl that was cheated on, I wanted to end things and be done." I was the fool who had been cheated on this time, I thought to myself.

He stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I closed my eyes, feeling the dam about to be burst again, "You know it's ok to be hurt and angry and pissed off. This was something that happened to you, you have that right."

I pulled myself out of his arms, turning to look directly into his eyes. "I wasn't that innocent Justin. I remember clearing being stark ass naked, sleeping in your bed, wrapped in your arms..."

"That was different." He attempted to clarify.

"No, it wasn't. We may not have had sex that night but we had all intentions of it. I have no right to judge him. I was just as much in the wrong as he was. In a way I guess karma got me..."

                This was karma biting me in the ass. This was what I deserved. All the guilt, the betrayal, the emptiness, the heartache, all of it, I deserved it. I had done some things that were questionable with Justin and Aaron did what he did. Neither of us were the innocent party. I am to blame for him cheating. I'm to blame.

"Stop-" he demands, "Malia, he fucked up, he cheated and you are hurting. It's ok to hurt. You can't put the blame on yourself though... I have been in your shoes. I understand that level of pain and confusion... I have been there."

Broken hearted wasn't something I thought was going to be an issue during this break-up but I was heartbroken. I didn't want to be alone tonight, but I also didn't want Justin to stay. I didn't deserve him. So as I lie in his arms and listen to his heart beat, I feel guilty. His words had truth in them but I didn't believe them just yet.

I woke up antsy. The world was at my fingertips and I was the only person that can make my dreams come true is me. In the days since my emotional breakdown in the hotel room, with Justin, our conversations have become more spaced out.  We went from talking four times a day, to three, to two, to maybe once. Justin had one question for me that he didn't seem to like my answer to. I didn't think it was a question as important as he seemed to think it was.

"What would make you happy again?"

When I didn't answer it the way he thought I would or the way he wanted that question answered, I saw the disappointment on his face. I had a strong sentiment Justin was in a different place than I was. He was ready to jump into a relationship and I wasn't. Sex, I was for, relationship, not so much.

 I told him I needed to focus on me. I needed to focus on the tour. My personal life had to be put on the back burner for a while.  I now know that is not what he wanted to hear, but I was in my dark and twisty place and I knew I couldn't even possibly love him. I couldn't love myself, how was I ever going to give love to someone else. I really did care about him, but I had been hurt and that doesn't just go away. In reality I didn't know how I felt about him to even think it could be this long drawn out relationship. I had only met him weeks ago, the sex was incredible and I missed him when he wasn't around, but is that enough for a relationship? Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe I simply thought he was wanting more. Maybe that was my crazy thoughts going wild. Maybe my intuitions were off.  Maybe, just maybe, he was content with just sex as well.

It's only been a couple weeks, twelve days to be exact, since I have spent any real time with him. His schedule with mine, didn't mesh well. He had been on the east coast for most of the time. When I did get to see him it was in the sound stage or out to lunch quickly. With no one around me knowing that I wasn't dating Aaron anymore, our time was limited and secretive. There was one night in those twelve days that I got to feel him lay against me, I got to feel his arms wrapped around me. The few short hours I got to sleep next to him, was the best sleep I had in weeks. He had flown in just for the day to film a commercial and was flying out the next morning to somewhere else, in some other state, across the country. After the filming had wrapped he arrived at my condo, tired and drowsy, and we fell asleep instantly. But those hours were short lived when he got for his flight.

It was good. I had some time to find pieces of myself again. It was time I had that let me focus on work, it was what I wanted after all, right? But I missed having him around, I missed talking to him. I missed the way his hands felt on the small of my back. I missed the warmth of his embrace. I have to admit I was a little giddy at the idea of seeing him today.

So here it was bright and early the day of my very first tour date. The sun was shining brightly through the windows in my bedroom and the world seemed to be on my side for once. I climbed out of bed, heading straight for the coffee pot. My feet tapped off the chilled wood floors with my bare feet, I seemed to always turn the air as low as I could handle it and climb under the covers, but the wood in the morning was cold to walk on. I watched as the pot began to fill up before I flipped on the television. I had a couple hours to waste before I had to be down at the venue for all the press that was going to invade me today. I was going to relax. I was going to do nothing. Ding Dong. I turned towards the door, did I just hear that? Who the heck would be here this early? Ding Dong. I guess I was going to answer the door. I guess I was going to have a visitor.

The sun streamed in through the door as I opened it, revealing the one person I have wanted to see today. "Hi" I said nervously. He looked tired, and by the suitcase attached to his hand and his car not in the driveway, I was sure he came straight from the airport.

"Hi." He said back, "I know I said I would meet you at the venue but I couldn't wait any longer to see you."

"Come in." I said to him as my heart began to race. I had those butterflies I couldn't get rid of. "How are you? It's been days since I've talked to you."

He rolled the suitcase in the door, shutting it behind him. He turned back to look at me, stepping closer, "I couldn't find the words to say to you... I ..." he stepped even closer, "...That's a lie, I know what I wanted to say but... there is something I have wanted to do for weeks..." he leans in closer, pressing his lips to the side of my neck. Kissing slowly up my jaw line, lifting his head up slowly to catch my reaction to what he wanted. My head was thrown back, rushing with excitement. "I think this is what you have wanted as well..."

"I wanted you... I just wanted you." I took my hands over his face and pulled it into mine, pressing his lips onto mine. Taking the moment for what it was. "But this, this will do for now." I ran my hands over his face again, trying to wipe the tiredness look out of his eyes. I removed his fedora dropping it to the floor, revealing the growth of his previously shaven head. I look my hands and rub them over the length of his hair, "You didn't cut your hair..."

"I'm letting it grow back." He says smiling, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his arm around my frame, holding on tight.

"I think it's sexy." I ran my hand back over his head and down over the side of his face. Everything about this man was sexy.

His hands run along the seam of my shorts, twisting the fabric in his hands, resting this thumps on the curve of my bottom, before moments later they were laying next to his hat. The quick shuffle began. He ripped off his shirt, tossing it across the room as we got closer to the bedroom door. He unbuckled his jeans, dropping them in the doorway. I tore my tank top up over my head, the cold air on my skin caused goose bumps to form and my upper body to shake. "Do you want me to make you hot? Take away those goose bumps..." he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder, pushing me on the bed.

"Make me hot... give me those goose bumps only you can give me." I said wiggling up the bed, only to have him pull me back down to the edge by my feet. Slowly trailing his fingers over my stomach, over my sensitive lips and down my legs, widening them so he had the access he wanted. His lips went to my upper thigh, kissing every inch, looking up at me with complete lust in his eyes. He didn't say a single word, an enormous smiled widened on his face as he was dead center about to make me experience a wave of pleasure. He pressed his lips down gently, kissing my lips, he looked up at me, smiled again then his tongue entered my opening, his focus was directly on what he was trying to accomplish. His tongue went back and forth, rough, then gentle, circling his tongue over my clit, making my body started to jostle around. My back arched off the mattress, moving away from him. My hands were twisted into the sheets, holding on for dear life. Not removing his tongue he sucks harder pulling me back down to the edge, returning to the forcefulness that his mouth had control of. "Oh my god.... Ohhh....uh....." I felt it coming, I knew it was going to happen, maybe quicker than he wanted it to. He loved this part of foreplay. A smile never leaves his face when he gets to pleasure a woman with just his tongue. "JUSTIN, Oh my god!" I screamed, "Oh my GOD!" My hands twisted back in the sheets as my entire body stiffened into an arched off the bed. Sliding back up the bed, his mouth followed me, not letting me get rid of that feeling of my body losing control. I could feel the smile on his face as he widen my legs even further, pressing his tongue in deeper. When his hands went around my ass, pushing my center into his face, the wave of sensation exploded, but that didn't stop Justin. He wanted more. He kept going, causing a second wave to not only begin but be just as full forced as the first one. He lifted his head smiling from ear to ear as my body still pulsated from the sensation.

 He went straight for my neck, "Hot enough for you?" he whispered as be began nipping on my earlobe.

"Ugh" I escaped out of my lungs. I could feel my center still pulsating, almost throbbing harder than I was breathing. I tried to shake the feeling so I could return him the favor. Watching how his tongue could bring me to such a level of ecstasy turned him on and he was rock hard. He reached over to the table pulling a condom down, ripping open the wrapper, tossing it to the floor. He wanted to use the rock hard flesh before it exploded.

"Me first" I said pushing his hand out of the way, dropping the condom on the bed. I rolled on top of him, crawling backwards down the bed, running my hands over his abdomen, placing my hand over his hardened cock, licking my lips and immediately dropped my mouth down over him. I began to take him all in, slowly releasing the hold I had around his cock with my mouth. "FUCK." He said grunting. I circled my tongue around his head and back down the shaft, inserting him into my mouth again, bobbing my head up and down at a rapid pace. I ran my tongue over his head again, licking my lips, tasting his release on my lips. "FUCK ME!" he said as I towering my mouth over him again, looking up at him this time I see his eyes roll in the back of his head. His eyelashes flutter rapidly before his ocean blue eyes were open again for me to see. I was intent on watching his face, watching his reaction watching every move he made. His body began to stiffen, rising up off the bed and before I knew it he was exploding into my throat. I knew it wouldn't take him long. He was well over half way there before I started. I released him, letting him rest for just a second as I rolled the condom down over his still rock hard cock.

"No way." He said moving quickly to get on top and in control. His lips went down on mine and slowly he entered me, adjusting himself inside of me he began moving his hips slowly, pushing himself completely in. He kept his lips on mine as he continued to keep up his rhythm.  The pace is much different than the foreplay was. He is more sensual this time. Slow and steady was his priority, he was savoring every second he had.

Making love with him was nothing like it has ever been for me in my life. I have had my share of great partners and I have had my share of not so good partners. I had experienced many things in my life, but never... ever in my life have I experienced this feeling. Everything seemed to be electrified times a hundred. Just the simple touch of his skin on mine sent shock waves through my body.

Staring at his chest raising and falling as he tried to catch his breath from exhaustion, I see the beauty that few ever get to see. The definition of his jaw line thrown back in the pillow was sexy. Words couldn't describe how such a simple thing could radiate so much sexiness. His eyebrows seemed to lift with every breath, it was a cute thing I have noticed he does after a strenuous activity. His face slowly turned towards me, "What?" he asked smiling. That smile was going to be the end of me. If anything was going to make me weak at the knees it was going to be that infectious smile.

"Nothing..." I snuggled my nose into his face, placing light kisses on his check. The stubbles, from where he clearly didn't shave this morning, tickled the side of my face. I climbed over him, resting my hands on the bed around his shoulders. "Just enjoying the beauty..."

He pulled my face down to his, taking my lips onto his, taking my breath away with his touch. "The beauty is you... the real beauty is what I'm staring at."

I stared into his eyes, seeing the most gorgeous blues eyes I have ever seen in my life. The color distinction was remarkable, each shade of blue blended so perfectly. My eyes rolled down over the bridge of his nose, to his lips, watching his tongue wet his lips lightly. He was gorgeous. "I missed you." I said softly, laying my head down on his chest listening to his heart rate begin to slow to a normal pace. I could listen to his heart beat all day. It has become one of my favorite things with him. I enjoy these moments, I enjoyed lying next to him, or on top of him after we had sex. I loved those simple moments.

"I missed you so much." He said back in a whisper, he wrapped his arms around me holding on tight, he wiggled like he was uncomfortable.

"Does this bother you? Me lying on top of you?" I asked, hoping I could stay right where I was.

"No... I'm enjoying it thoroughly." His grip got tighter.

"I'm not crushing you?" I laughed.

"Just my playboy image." He joked.

"Sorry Timberlake. I won't tell anyone you like to cuddle after having mind blowingly phenomenal sex..."

"Thanks. That helps!" I felt his chest and neck stretch into a smile. "If you were to slip up and say something, just be sure to use those exact words. It could be great for my future hook ups."

"Duly noted, I'll be sure to pass on the information to the next girl..."

"There isn't going to be a next girl." He said firmly.

I closed my eyes, what was I going to say to that? How do you respond to something like that? Before I could register his words completely and respond my phone starting ringing, scaring the crap out of me. I jumped at the sound of the ringer.

"Let's just lay here..." Justin said, brushing the hair out of my face. "Just a couple more minutes, I don't want this moment to end..."

I lay there, continuing to rest my head on his bare chest. When the phone rang two more times, I made the decision to get up. Either I had forgot to do something this morning, or something had happened. I needed to get out of bed. I reached to the table picking up the phone to see that I missed calls from my mother. "Shit. It was my mother..." I jumped off that bed quickly, as I read the text message.

Why is my key not working on your front door?? Are you not home?

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I bent down picking up my shorts off the floor, scanning the room for my tank top that seemed to be missing. "Justin, you have to get up... you have to put some clothes on..."

He stretched out over the bed, "Come back to bed... we can take a nap before..."

I cut him off, "My mother is at the front door. If you would like to meet her like that..." I motioned at him and his nakedness "That's fine, but she will be in this house in just a few minutes."

The smile on his face was ridiculous, "I'm good with that." I shot him the death glare, "Ok ok I'll put on some clothes."

Instead of thinking to myself, I was rambling out loud. "Shit. What am I going to say to her about why he is here? In my condo? At the crack of dawn? What excuse could I come up with? Shit. This is why I don't keep secrets. Fuck." I looked over at him when I realized that I had said it loud and clear. His face dropped, his smile was gone. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that..."

"It's fine. I understand." He said in a monotone voice. However his face said more than he did.

I walked over to him, "I'm sorry, she just doesn't know anything that's happen with Aaron..."

 He picked up his jeans off the floor, pulling them up onto his body as he walked through the living room, picking up his shirt. I passed him as he said, "Malia, you just need to know that I won't stay your big secret. I deserved more than that..."

I walked back across the room to him, "Can we talk about this later, please..."

"Yeah, whatever." He rolled his eyes picking up his hat, placing it back on his head.

I seem to make a mess, don't I? I placed my hand on the door handle, closing my eyes and took a deep breath. "Mom!" I said excited when the door finally opened. "Sorry, my phone wasn't near me... come in, come in..."

"Malia honey, why doesn't my key work anymore? Did you have a problem with break-ins?" And there she was, my mother, the over thinker. She was very well known for being over worried about everything before there was even a worry to think about.

"No, I just changed the locks. I got you a copy of the new one." I shut the door, listening to her ramble on more about the locks.

"There would have to be a reason why you changed them so quickly, you didn't even tell me..." She continued.

"Mom..." I stopped her. "Everything's fine. I just changed the locks. Not a big deal." We walked further into the condo, taking the extra key I had made for her out of the drawer. I handed it to her as I see Justin sitting in the chair at the table with his computer open. He didn't seem too happy sitting there. I had pissed him off, again.  "Mom, this is Justin" I said pointing at him, "Justin this is my mother, Kate."

He stood out of his chair, reaching out to hug her. "Hi, it's very nice to meet you, Kate. How was your drive in this morning?" he asked her.

"There is a reason I never lived in Los Angeles. I hate the traffic. I don't know how you all put up with it every day. And privacy, wow, this house is right next to the neighbors."

"I hate the traffic myself sometimes." Justin expressed. "But I don't live this close to the city, so I have a little more privacy. That's the biggest issue I have with L.A."

I watched as my mother and Justin had a civil conversation about every day things. They seemed to get along. His voice never rose in a disrespectful manor, at anything she said. Her eyebrows never flared at anything he said. The smiles on their faces as they spoke were genuine. She never spoke to him like he was ‘Justin Timberlake' or 'Mr. SexyBack' as she calls him. She spoke to him as a human. Not only did she talk to him, she enjoyed having a conversation with him. That wasn't something I had seen from her with Aaron for years. I don't think she ever spoke the way she is speaking to Justin.

She excused herself to the restroom leaving us alone.

Justin's head snaps over to look at me, he closed his eyes, dropping his head as he walked towards me. "I'm sorry. I was an ass about you wanting to... I'm just sorry. I understand, I really do know why you don't want to make a scene out of us yet but I... Just I'm sorry."

I leaned in and kissed him, talking to him right on his lips. "Thank you. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

 "You better believe you will..." He nipped down on my bottom lip. "I need to get going. I have some work to do before your show tonight. Things I should have already done today. Trace is on his way to pick me up."

I didn't want to let go of him, but I did. "You sure did waste a lot of time here this morning..."

"Time well wasted! No regrets." He shook his head smiling at me. He walked over to the door, dropping his laptop into his suitcase and pulling it behind him towards the door. His words should have made me feel good about myself. But in those words I only heard Aaron's hatred. "Are you okay?" he asked stopping at the door.

I met him back at the doorway. "I'm fine, just a lot going on in this mind of mine today." I saw the car pull up in the driveway through the glass panels of the door.

He leaned in kissing me again, "Stop thinking. Relax. I'll see you in a couple hours."

I watched him climb into the passenger side of the car. "Bye." I mumbled to myself. Trace nodded his head and waved. I waved back before going into the condo. I went straight for my bedroom. The day had to start at some point, I might as well be early to the venue and get it started. I rounded the corner, "SHIT!" I screamed. I put my hand over my heart, "You scared the crap out of me." My heart was racing. I knew she was here, I guess I just forgot she was here.

"Mia, where is Aaron?"

"Ugh." I said frustrated. "Not here." I walked past her, attempting to avoid the questions I knew she was bound to start throwing at me.

"Mia, do not walk away from me."

I turned quickly in my bedroom, turning back to see her standing right there. "Why are you calling me Mia again? I'm not five."

"I have always called you Mia, what is wrong with you today."

She was right. For as long as I can remember she has called me Mia. I was just irritated with anything she said now that I knew she wasn't going to let up. "Nothing." Nothing was wrong until she got here and started asking questions. Before she got here, I didn't have a worry about anything.

"There is something going on because you are not yourself today." She started pointing at the table, "Where is the photo of you and Aaron from Christmas? The one you always loved, the black and white one. It used to sit right here..."

                "They're gone. I took them all down."

                "Does that mean...?" she asked.

                "Yes, Aaron and I are no longer together. Your wish is granted mother." I began to drop all the things I needed into my bag. The suitcases were lined against the wall that I was taking with me.  I couldn't believe I was doing this all alone. I knew that Aaron wouldn't be on the road with me constantly but I didn't think I would be completely alone for this adventure.

"Malia, I want you to be happy..." My mother said stepping up behind me, placing her hand on my back.

                I turned to look at her. "Well, I wasn't happy, so I ended things."

                "And this Justin guy? Who is he?" She asked. She was good at trying to prey information, but this wasn't information she was going to get.

                "Justin is just a friend." The words swallowed hard. "Let's go. We have to get to the venue.

Camera lenses, lights, and people filled the space. All had questions and wanted answers. One by one I finally end the press interviews. The stress of everything started about two minutes into those interviews. When the first person asked if I was nervous I said no, but I had officially had the nervous bug running through my body at that point. It set in that I was going to headline a concert tonight and it was going to be all me. I was scared, nervous, and panicking. The backstage area had started to fill up with the crew, band members, friends and family. As the cameras started leaving the venue, the crew finished sitting up the chairs and they stage. I found myself sitting in a section about fifty five rows up from the floor. I watched them piece together everything that needed done. They didn't get the credit they deserved for the work they put into each show.

I was about to do this. I couldn't think about anything else. My foot nervously tapped the side of the chair in front of me. I had to pull myself together.

"MALIA!" I heard a male voice echo on the microphone and through the venue. "Malia, where are you?" He looked out over the seats, placing his hand over above his eyes. I stood and walked down the steps, one by one, inching closer and closer. "There you are." he said as I got steps away from the stage. "Are you ready for sound check?"

"Yes." I said not so convincing.

"They are going to bring in some of the contest winners in just a few minutes to watch sound check before they meet you."

"I'm ready."

Sound check came and gone. Meet and greet, gone. I was alone in my dressing room. Why today of all days was I so alone? There was people surrounding me at all angles, but I was alone. I had no one to share this with. I sat on that couch, collecting my thoughts and my emotions. I had to get them all in check. I had a show to do. I had to put my shoes on and get my act together.

I felt the warmth of his arms wrap around me and his face come down beside mine, snuggling his nose onto my shoulder, placing light kisses up my collarbone. "Miss me?" he asked.

I turned around on that couch, climbed on my knees, eyeing the door and the room around us. It was empty. I glanced into his eyes pulling his face into mine. I took on his lips as if it was the first time all over again. Our tongues danced together until we were out of breath. "I take that as a yes?" he joked.

"Thank you." I blurted out. He looked confused. "Thank you for just being you. Thank you for being a friend to me..."

"The pleasure is all mine, I promise you that." he said walking around the couch to sit on the table in front of me. He reached down and helped strap my shoes on securely. "These are smoking hot." He ran his fingers over the heels and up the side of my leg.

"To bad you won't be able to remove them later..." I winked at him. I needed some light hearted banter to calm these nerves a little.

He shakes his head no, "I'm not going anywhere, we will bring them home with us tonight."

I stood up adjusting the mic pack on the back of the elastic belt that blended right into the outfits. "Ha!" I laughed, "Who said you were coming home with me?" I ran my finger down over my chest, between the deep v of the first outfit.

My body was forcefully pulled into his, the rush of excitement made me forget about everything else going on around me. I wanted him. I wanted every piece of him again. My eyelashes flutter rapidly and my entire body shook. "Do I turn you on?" he asked in a soft, sensual tone as he hands ran down my chest, over my stomach and around to cup his hands on my ass.

I turned my face away from his. I couldn't let him have this affect on me. I couldn't let this guy in particular have this much control over my wants and desires. I closed my eyes, attempting to diminish the thing ideas of what I wanted to do with him at that very moment. Not seeing him didn't help because I could still feel his hands on my ass holding me against his body. I could still smell his overwhelming, ‘come and get me' scent. The door opened and I quickly stepped back, moving as fast as I could to be away from him. His touch. He lips. He hands. His fingers. There stood Janelle, suspicious face and all.

"Hold still." he said adjusting the belt with the mic pack. I stood still, playing his game. He must have been caught a time or two before and knew how to get out of the situation. That was not so comforting.

I looked up at her, "Hey! I didn't think you were going to make it tonight." I wiggled away from him rushing across the room to hug her. She stepped back giving me an uneasy feeling. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." She said, however it was as convincing as a ‘I'm fine' comment.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

"Crazy." She kept looking over at Justin and back at me. Her suspicions were on high alert. "I need to talk to you."

My body tensed up, "Is everything okay?"

"Not really." She shook her head.

I looked over at Justin, giving him the get out look.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving." He threw up his hands. "Make sure that belt is secure before you go out there."

"I will. Thanks for the help."

The door wasn't even closed and she started barking at me. "What the hell is going on there?"

"Nothing Janelle. He was helping me get ready. I'm a nervous wreck." Guilty. I must have the details wrote on my face because I was sure at that moment she knew about everything. Every moment, every kiss, every touch. She knew, somehow she knew.

"It didn't look like nothing."

I was confused, wasn't she the same person that thought we were already together and wanted that to happen weeks ago? Wasn't she the person that was ticked off that I was still with Aaron, the last time she was in town? "You said there was something wrong? What's up?"

She still didn't believe me, which she had reasons not to. "Universal Signed Aaron today. I tried to say no, but they did it anyhow."

"I love you Janelle. But we are not talking about Aaron today." I walked over to the table, placing the mic pack into the belt. Shit. I thought, Justin was supposed to have already done this. Just be calm.

I watched her eyes, watching everything I was doing.

"Malia... we need to talk about this."

"After the show, please I don't need anything distracting me from what I need to do in just a few minutes."

"Please don't forget... after the show we need to talk. I need you to know something before... "

I cut her off and I started stretching my legs, warming my muscles up. "I will I promise." She didn't like that answer but it was almost show time. I didn't want to think about anything to do with Aaron.

"Five minutes to show" Sam yelled down the hallway. "Everyone needs to be out here and ready! Let's go!!"

This was it.

Everyone gathered in that tiny space behind the stage. I had to say something, but what I was going to say escaped my mind. Words left me. Matt reached down and grabbed my hand, nodding at me. Giving me the push I needed. "This is the start of a journey I never thought I would be privileged enough to get to do. It all started with a little forced push from Matt over here..." he reached out and pulled me in for a hug.  "Without his encouragement, this night would never have come into the picture. Everyone in this room deserves all my gratitude. You have all worked your asses off to make this show what it's about to be. I am glad I get to share this moment in my life with each and every one of you in this room right now. I love each of you.-Let's get out there and show L.A. what we can do!" Everyone closed in together, arms latched together; we form an enormous group hug.

The band leaves me, the dancers leave me, I was there alone and ready to hit the stage. I drop my head to say a silent prayer. I can do this.

I feel Justin's arm around my waist. He kisses my forehead. "I need to get to my seat. I want to see the entire show. Have fun out there!"

There I was, standing on my mark and everything around me is dark. The tiny little lights surrounding the venue, cell phones, camera flashes... the roar of the crowd gives me goose bumps. This is it.

The afterglow was even brighter the morning after. The show was good, at least I thought so anyways. I was still tired but Justin was moving around in the bed. He was ready to get up and moving around. "Ugh" I kept saying. How on earth can he not still be tired? I was sure that we were both up pretty early into the morning hours today. I stretched out over the bed and found him gone. I sat up looking around the room and out the bedroom door. "Ugh" I said again throwing myself back into the pillow. Where did he go? I hate being in bed alone.

I heard him humming from the kitchen, as he got closer to the door the louder his voice seemed to get. He entered the doorway, stark naked, with a tray in his hand. He started to sing, "Good morning beautiful... how was your night... Mine was wonderful with you by my side..." the smile on my face was wider than I had ever imagined it could be. "Good Morning!" he said, still cheesing.

Of everything going on in that moment, I could see what was below the tray, "Good Morning to you as well!" I saw his member standing upright. I cocked my head sideways, looking under the tray for a better view, nodding my head, approving of it.

"What? Like you have never been served breakfast in bed by a naked man before?" he placed the tray down on the bed.

"Well... no actually I haven't." I pulled him down close to me, "But I could get used to it."

"I like to outshine others, so that's a good thing." He pulled himself back, placing a stack of newspapers and printed sheets of paper on my lap.

"What is this?" I said confused.

He placed his hand on top of the stack. "Reviews."

"Of the show last night?" I asked, swallowing the words.

"Yes." He sat down on the bed, still naked, sitting Indian style.

"Have you read any yet?"

"No, this was something I want you to do. I think it's nice to know what the critics think but you also need to be aware that their job is to be critical." He continued to ramble; he was the classic supportive boyfriend. Boyfriend.... "If it's something negative, it's not something personal about you."

There had to be twenty reviews already for the show. I stared at the stack before looking over at him sitting in front of me. I couldn't concentrate on the fact that there were reviews in front of me, and the fact that I let that fateful word into my vocabulary, let alone into my thought process. "What was your favorite part of the show?" I blurted, attempting to not even think about that any longer.

"Seeing you smile. Seeing pure happiness in your eyes." He says that and my eyes filled up with water. I was going to cry. "But as in the show, when you were sitting on that black grand piano singing, ‘My Immortal.' Wow. Just wow. I didn't know you were doing that. I know you had said maybe but decided against doing it." he reaches down and rubs his arms. "Just thinking about it again gives me goose bumps. Your voice was flawless and it fit perfectly in the show. It was an incredible moment."

Flabbergasted would be the word I believe I was looking for, because that's how I felt in that moment. Those were intense words coming from someone I vastly respected in this industry.

Justin was antsy sitting on the bed. He was bouncing around. "Come on... read them... Now I'm anxious..."

I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what they said. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what anyone thought. The fans seemed happy, that is all that matters.

He picked up the newspaper on my lap, flipping through page by page, trying to find the entertainment section of the Los Angeles Times. He couldn't wait any longer to know what they thought. "Oh Shit." He said not thinking about it before he said it, sending me into panic mode. "You would get the toughest critic at the Times..." He cleared his throat, "I arrived at the show expecting the stereotypical popular bombshell to stand on that stage and sing half the set and the other half will be a track that she will pretend to sing to. To my surprise she sang every song live. Live vocals are always the biggest perk to a live show, I doubt I'm the only one that thinks that." he continued to read the words of the critic in his serious tone as I sat and worried what the next thing this guy would say was. "...She wailed out songs from her album and I was impressed, but singing your own songs that you can change what you want to are one thing, covering someone else's song is the challenge. When she took to the stage early on doing a medley of Kelly Clarkson songs, I was impressed. She chose the right songs for her vocal ability and songs that she personally could have written for herself. The unlikely cover came from her friend, Justin Timberlake. She sang a version of "SexyBack" that I'm sure Justin is even jealous of." He smiled, "I am jealous." He joked and continued reading back in his serious tone, "... the biggest moment came when the lights dimmed down, I expected her to be standing with a microphone on the stand and her to sing a ballad. But as the light slowly glowed brighter she was sitting on top of a black grand piano with a single spotlight on her, bare feet and a pair of jeans, singing a bone chilling cover of Evanescence's "My Immortal".  Every piece of hair on my body stood up when she opened her mouth and those notes rolled out perfectly."

When he lowered the paper and looked back over at me, I was flooded with tears. I couldn't believe that the review was good. The achievement was greater than I had ever expected for myself. This was a difficult business to earn any kind of respect in. I would be lucky to get respect from a fellow artist in the industry, getting that kind of positive respect from a critic was speechless.

"Bone chilling cover... I couldn't have said it better..."

"Wow..." I exhaled.

I wasn't being modest. I was truthfully not expecting anything close to that good of a review. I had always expected the critics to be rude and not like the show at all. That's almost a given in this business. Rarely does someone get those kind of comments made to them about their shows.

I yawned trying to make the subject change. I was tired, I couldn't deny that but I was trying not to let the words of that review sink in too far. I threw myself back onto the pillow, pulling the covers over my head. Justin was not going to let me sleep or even lay there; he was pulling that sheet back, looking at me. I wouldn't look at him, I stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were overtaking what this moment was. I was supposed to be in a care free place in my life right now, but I couldn't stop thinking of the consequences of my actions or the decisions I wanted to happen. He swung his leg over mine, climbing to sit on my waist. His thumb was caressing the side of my face. I tried with all I had not to look him directly into his eyes, but I couldn't prevent it any longer. "When am I going to see you again?" I asked without thinking of the actual question. I didn't have any claim on him. I had no right to even ask that question to him but his eyes.

"I don't know. It could be a while." He said softly continuing to rub the side of my face.

Disappointment ran through my every emotion. I wasn't sure why I felt so disappointed.

"That's what I thought you were going to say."

"You sound... disappointed." The look of confusion took over his face. He sat up slowly. "I didn't expect that."

I think in that very moment, disappointment was an understatement. "I am." The empty pit in my stomach made me feel silly. I shouldn't have these feelings. I was simply lonely and it was only going to get worse. I was a complete mess on the inside and it wasn't right to involve someone else into this mess of mine. I couldn't admit it out loud in words, but I was sure I was shattered to pieces.

I climbed out of bed, hoping to dissipate this urge to hurl all over the bedroom.

His deep voice started to speak from behind me, causing the turning to begin again. Resting my hands on the counter to hold myself up, I closed my eyes and just hoped that he didn't see the confusion in my eyes. "You could always come see me... Myself, Rob, and the guys are going to a secret location and hiding from the world for a while to record..." he spun me around to look at him, "I could let you in on my secret."

I wanted to know. But I couldn't know. "Why are you going into hiding to record?"

"I want to record some tracks without the interference of life, with no distractions. Just myself and that booth. I want to feel the emotion I have for those tracks, right now at this moment..."

"Makes sense I guess..." I wanted to cry. I was an interference for him. "They will turn out great. I'm sure of it." I replied, telling myself over and over again to get myself together. This was what it was. This was nothing other than what it is.

"You could... come see me." he repeated.

"I will be on tour. It might serve as a challenge for me."

"Okay." He said irritated, walking back into the bedroom.

As much truth as there was in that statement, it was just as much of a cover. There was time to fly to wherever he ended up and fly back between shows. I was honestly doing him a favor. I was trying to help him out. "It just could be difficult with as much as the press is watching the two of us, wait for us to slip up and say something we shouldn't. Be seen somewhere we shouldn't together..." I knew that wasn't the right thing to say, I knew that isn't really what I was feeling but the scared logical part of me was speaking louder now.

I drug my luggage through the house before Justin stopped me, "I'll get it." He takes it out of my hand and places it beside the door, following suit with the others I had ready to go. He stood by the door with his hand on the handle of my luggage, "Malia... you just need to know that I won't stay your big secret. I can't be that person..."

"That's not what I'm trying to do Justin."

"Then what's the problem? You're single now..." His eyebrows flared up and his hands went tossing in the air, frustrated. "I thought..." he trailed off. "I guess it doesn't matter what I thought."

I took his hand into mine, once again not thinking before I did something. "It does matter what you think..."

"Then tell me..." he removed his hand from mine, waving his hand back and forth pointing at each of us. "Tell me what... is this? Because I think I am fa-"

I cut him off, he couldn't say those words to me. "I'm not what you want... It's not what you think... Inside..." I swallowed my words, "I'm trying to help you out... you deserve better..."

He closed his eyes, throwing his head back, before looking back at me, "You're wrong about every word you just said... I know you are going through some things... and for some reason you don't want to share them with me but you need to know, that you're wrong."

I looked at his eyes, full of pain, full of anguish. My tears flooded the surface of my eyelids, streaming down my face. I had hurt him. I never meant for this to get this far. I never meant for any of this to happen. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled out.

            He pulled me into his chest, placing his hand on my head, "Don't cry... there should be no tears of sadness today. Today is a great day. I'm an ass... I should have kept my mouth shut... I shouldn't have said anything..."

"I don't want to hurt you and I'm sorry if I have. I never meant-"

"Malia." He placed his hand on my face, wrapping his long fingers around my jaw. "This will all work itself out... I promise." How he could have so much faith in the unknown surprised me. I stood wrapped in his arms for what felt like a split second. Before he said, "I need to go..."

"I know... I don't want to leave your arms." I whispered. I guess a part of me knew that things could never be the same from here on out. Subconsciously I knew something was going to be thrown into the mix. I wanted to take in his scent. I wanted to remember what it felt like in his arms.

But I pulled away. I let him go. I watched as he pulled out of the driveway. His taillights becoming dimmer the further he got. I stared down the empty driveway to the empty street, yet it wasn't really empty. Neighbors were outside with their children playing in the early morning sunshine. The mother's seem to be full of laughter and joy running behind the pitter pat of little feet in the grass. It was the simple things that I wanted in live. It didn't have to be the dream job, the dream house, or the dream man. I would be content having a job I enjoyed, in a apartment, and a man that I loved with my entire heart.

I won't stay your big secret. I can't be that person...

His words hurt... it was my own fault, I knew that. But it didn't take that hurt away.

I didn't want to hurt him. I was trying to protect him. My heart was in no place to love him. I'm not who he thought I was. I would hurt him. I already had.

I tried to call Janelle again, with no answer. She left the show last night before I could talk to her. I tried several times to call her but there was no response from her. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was sure she was going to let me know, just in her own way.

            As I waited for the bus to pick me up, I sat in the living room, the television was turned down low. I had a scratch pad on my lap and a pen in hand. His words echoed in my head. I had hurt him. How could I have been the person to not only want to cheat on my long time boyfriend with a man I had just met? How could I have that situation leave me broken hearted? And then, involved the most kind hearted man into my scattered life... I knew it would hurt him. I knew I was in the wrong... sometimes the wrong things are what we want most in life.

Words flowed out of my head and onto that blank sheet of paper in front of me.

You see perfect or pretty damn close... You see beautiful, but I know... I'm not what you want... It's not what you think... Inside of me ...Inside of me

The words seemed to hurt more and more they were wrote in black and white.

I'm scared... Cause I know I'll screw it up... I'll let you down... I'm so afraid... So I walk alone... I'm trying to help you out...

            Tears were freely flowing down the side of my face and dropping onto the black ink on the paper.

 Things aren't as they seem... In my heart I have seen who I am... Don't get close... You don't want to come in... The real me, isn't what you're thinking...

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something familiar. I glance up at the television screen to see a picture of Justin... then Aaron... then myself... The words "Love Triangle Exposed... coming up next" splashed across the screen. I wipe the tears on my face, reaching for the remote and turning up the volume. I think my body went into numbness.

 "...Hollywood's golden couple has fallen and fallen hard. Reports that Malia had an affair with her producer/friend Justin Timberlake rocked the music world. After months of claiming that they were just ‘great friends' the truth finally surfaces in the form of a public statement from none other than, Aaron Steele.  Aaron claims he confronted Timberlake and asked him bluntly about the allegations and Timberlake admitted that he and Malia had a sexual and emotional relationship. He also claims Timberlake ‘fell in love' with Malia, crushing Steele's heart... No statements were issued from either Malia or Justin's camp. I guess they are trying to find the silver lining in this ‘situation' and continue to be in hiding together."

I guess the real me had consequences to pay for my actions.

 "I tried to warn you, I tried to tell you last night. I wanted you to be prepared..." I heard her voice, but the world around me was closing in. "They are releasing his single to radio tomorrow... I have to tell you, it's not going to be good for you. He is using the connection with you and using Justin's name to put this thing to radio. It's not going to be good." Janelle sat down on the couch next to me. "Malia, he is claiming you were having an affair with Justin..."

As if the pit in my stomach wasn't already deep enough, this makes everything feel empty. I knew the story was untrue. Justin knew the story was untrue, but no one else would ever know the real truth.

 "Aaron Steele's rep exclusively released a statement to E! News today, saying he is planning to take a couple weeks off to mend his broken heart and refocus back on his music. He was spotted leaving the condo that he shared with Malia, boxes in hand, looks like the fairytale is really over. His new single, ironically entitled "Broken Heart" is being world premiered today ON KissFM here in Los Angeles today..."

I watch the concrete beneath me runs beneath me, the blankness that continues mile after mile is exactly how I felt. The screen when blank as I hear the remote slam off the table in frustration, "MALIA." Sam starts to bellow across the bus. I looked up into the window and I saw a reflection of myself, but it wasn't the me I was used to seeing. Instead of looking back into my own eyes, I look at Sam's reflection in the glass, who is still rambling. "I thought you said nothing happen. I thought you said he had nothing on you?"

"You need to calm down Sam."I turned around and sat on the bench correctly, looking at him now.

"Calm down? Seriously, calm down?" his face started to get a deeper shade of red as he spoke. "Malia this could ruin your fucking career... this could destroy what we have both worked our asses off for."

Being in a confined space with someone that was pissed off, was not a good feeling, I know that feeling now. "SAM" I screamed trying to get his attention. "Listen to me. All of his allegations are untrue. There is no true to any of it. I don't know why you are so pissed off at me? I told you the truth. And it reins true today." I wasn't going to sit here and let him go on and on about this. I knew the truth.

"So you're telling me that nothing happened with him? You've spent countless days and nights together..." His eyebrows raised as his words started to take a bitter effect, "Sleeping over at each other's houses and nothing happened."

I rolled my eyes at him, "You can either choose to believe me or Aaron. That's up to you." I walk away from him and vanished to the back of the bus. I was telling the truth, at the time of the allegations I hadn't slept with him. Of course the little things that did happen never needed to be known.  

I tried to call Justin again, but there was no answer on his phone. Wherever he went, had no phone reception. It's exactly what he wanted, but I really needed to get a hold of him. I needed to know that... I needed to know that everything was ok.

Sam peeks his head into the door, "I need a statement from you for the press... this is going to get be a disaster."

"I'm not commenting." I said, and his head spun around quickly when, before he could blow up on me I explained myself, "If I make any comment, they are going to pick it to pieces. If I deny the claims then it gives him the fuel he needs for his fire. I'm not going to do that."

He rolled the papers up in his hands, over and over again. "You're telling me the truth when you say you have not slept with Justin."

I wondered my eyes away from him. "A question, worded like that... I won't comment on."

He slouched down onto the chair. "So you're telling me that... since the breakup you and Justin have been together?"

"Since my relationship with Aaron ended, Justin and I have spent some time together."

He shook his head, "That's nearly admitting the accusations."

I was irritated at this point. "Listen, my sex life is no one's business... I could take a guy back to my hotel every night while on this tour and it would be not one single persons business."

"Malia, I'm on your side." He tried to sound convincing.

"Well it doesn't sound like it." I stood up from the bed, "Justin and I... it's complicated... it is what it is but I can tell you with all the honesty we did not under any circumstances sleep together before the end of my relationship with Aaron. Take that for whatever you want, but I am done having this conversation with you."

            Just then the bus pulls up to a stop. I grabbed my bag and took off out of the doors of the bus. I shouldn't feel this alone, this heartbroken, and this... bad on the second day of touring. I should still be on the high of that one single review from this morning.

            There were herds of fans lined up around the building, waiting for me to climb off the bus. As hard as it is to face this, I had to. They had come to support me. I was going to support them. I had to make sure that I didn't fall to pieces around witnesses. Aaron didn't deserve that kind of gratification from his lies. Stepping off that last step, planting my feet on the ground, I hear their gasps and loving words over the shutter of a camera lens was worth this moment. They were going to keep me strong while in public.

The faces around me continued to stare and whisper as I walked past them through the venue. They had assumptions as everyone else did; after all they had only seen Justin as the man standing next to me. I could have very well been that person Aaron was claiming I was.

It would be hours before the events of the night would be over and I would have to walk on that stage tonight as Malia, the performer. Not the shattered, emotionally broke down, blank slate of a person I had become in just a few hours.

            I wanted to be alone, but I didn't want to be alone. I wanted space, but I didn't want space. I didn't have a choice, so it made it a little easier. Sam barges through the door then stands quietly before finally speaking. "I'm sorry. I'm just worry for your career. I want this to not affect you at all. I'm trying to help you out."

Irony. Those must be the words of wisdom for the day.

"I need you to trust me. I need you to believe me." I nearly was pounding my fingers off my chest, trying to get my point across.  "Obviously there isn't much we can do now except let the drama unfold, without fueling his fire."

He looks down at his phone, walks across the room turning on the stereo. "Well it looks like we are going to get a preview of what this drama can entitle for us."

KissFM this is Frankie V on da raaadio...

I rolled my eyes, was this guy always pretending to be someone he wasn't. His voice came across fake and his attitude was the white boy trying to be gansta. The room slowly started to fill up of executives, my band, and stage crew.

We got the Exclusive World Premiere of dat Aaron Steele track we have been talking about all day.

The disc jockey's voice echoes loudly as Sam turns it up louder.

 I heard the song and I gotta say when I met Malia last month I never expected this of her. She didn't seem like that kind da person...

He just earned himself a couple bonus points. Even with his ridiculous words.

But I guess ya nevea really know. People can surprise ya.

And he just lost them. I held in the nausea and listened as the music started to play. As a producer, I noticed all the small things that needed changed, including his vocals. He didn't have the voice to be attempting to sing what he is. The room was full of people who stood silently listening as contently as I was listening to the lyrics.

"I used to be that guy for you... I used to be the love you needed... I used to hold your heart...

Now all you see is flashes of the cameras, money in the bank, designer dresses, and his superstar status"

The tiny, shattered pieces of my heart broke even further. He knew me. He knew that the last thing I ever wanted in life was ‘things'. I wouldn't have stayed with him as long as I did if all I wanted was money or fame. He brought me neither.

            His voice screechingly came up to the chorus, giving it all he had.

"Watching you in the arms of that Tennessee man

My worst fear came true

He always gets what he wants...

And my broken heart will never mend"

I dropped my head. He had called out Justin in the song. He was going to take a hit for it, and he didn't need to. This was my fault.

When the song finally ended the room stood remaining silent. They were waiting for my reaction. I didn't really have one. There wasn't much to comment on. Considering he flipped it, blaming me for the entire breakup. I chuckled, "I'm glad my money paid for that..."

The entire song was full of lies. As a song itself, the lyrics could have some standing point and were not horrible, which I expected but as a song about our relationship and how it ended, it stood no ground. "Well..." I said turning to look at everyone that had been staring at the back of my head. "Sometimes people can't take responsibilities for their own actions. This would be an example of that."

No one said anything nor did they ask me any questions. They would stop and stare, continuing on their way. It was out of the ordinary. No one on this tour was that reserved.

Everything felt as if it echoed around me.

I found a comfort in being in the room of fans... and later on that stage. Forgetting everything for a moment of time and enjoy music the way it should be enjoyed. Every word. Every emotion. A raw performance is exactly what that crowd received.

I never mentioned the scandal, his song, or him. He didn't deserve any mentioning of his name or lies in my show, to my fans. I didn't allow his actions to take away from my performance. I wasn't sure where the strength came from but it was there.

            I climbed on the bus after the show all smiles in front of the fans and the awaiting paparazzi, to only find myself in the back bedroom, sobbing into my hands.

Had I become someone I didn't know anymore? Had I really changed that much? Was I the one who destroyed the love we shared? Were the years I spent loving that man, worth nothing in the end, other than a foot back in the door of his so called career?

The clock on the wall ticked. And ticked. And ticked.

It was the middle of the night when blurriness surrounded me in this dark, empty hotel room. I placed the once again empty glass on the table as I fumbled for my bag on the bed. I watched as my hand slide out of the handle and it hit the floor, listening as the echo continued, making the silence defining around me. Pictures scattered across the floor out of my bag, all that's left of the way it was and the way it could have been surround me. Aaron's face staring back at me from the glossy sheet of paper was a knife turning in a constant movement. I wasn't sure how that picture made its way into the Pile of pictures that made me happy but there it was, lying next to a picture of the Tennessee man who was choosing to not speak to me.

Had I made the wrong choice? Had I chose the let go of the man I thought I loved for the possibility of find a love that didn't exist? Had I given up on my relationship with Aaron, with hopes that I could be with Justin? Did I push Aaron to make the choices he did? Did I create my own drama?

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time. Maybe it can stop a broken heart that's still beating. But I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts. I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out.

The doubts start to flutter through my thought process as I lay my head down on the cold pillow, curling up into a ball. The empty pit in my stomach was starting to think the worst of all options.

Fifty eight hours... fifty seven minutes and fifty night seconds had passed with the bomb in my lap. One city to another, one hotel to another, the burden was carried with every ounce. The bitter taste in my mouth was the constant worry. It wasn't just my career I had to worry about as each of the stories start to become more and more untrue. Sam had reassured me many times that everything would turn out fine but that was before I just heard the last wave of stories.

Which is how I ended up here, with the vibrate shade of orange glowing between the towering buildings, the slight chill in the air made the hair on my arms stand straight up. It was refreshing to feel something, anything other than heartache.

Tucking my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans I step close to the rail of the empty pier looking out over the city skyline of Seattle. It was breathtaking and peaceful.

Justin.

I shook my head in disbelief. I was so mad at him. I was disappointed in him.

Someone with as much respect as that man had in this industry still had one thing against him, the tabloids. He was taking harder hits than I was in the press. He is being blamed for the affair. I understood that his name sold stories, but it couldn't take away the guilt I felt for bringing something else upon him.

Then there was Janelle. My best friend. She believed Aaron. She said there was too much evidence of the contrary to think otherwise but it didn't matter; she would stand beside me through everything... but it wasn't that easy for me to accept. She was my best friend. She should have believed me when I told her the truth or even if she didn't believe me, she is my best friend... she should have swore to whatever lie I was telling. That's what friends do for one another. Like their choices or not, you don't go against them.

I still couldn't figure out what her issue was with everything that has happened because she is the one that wanted me to leave Aaron for as long as I can remember. She thought I was with Justin from the very day I met him. I racked my brain for the reasons and the understanding but I couldn't figure it out.

My thoughts were interrupted by the soft sound of a piano playing in the back ground, the previously eerie quiet pier. I turned back and looked around, no one in sight. My crazy thoughts have boiled over. I was now hearing the sound of a piano in my head. Resting my elbows on the rail, I began to slowly massage my temples. The pounding headache was never going to go away.

I looked up at the oranges turning into yellow and they all become liquidized as the tears start to run straight down my face, crashing on my chest bone, soaking into the fabric of my shirt.

To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain... From my eyes... Tonight I wanna cry

I closed my eyes, breathing in the air, tears continuing to run free. I really messed things up.

Ring... Ring...

Swallowing the lump in my throat and reached in my pocket for the vibrating phone. It couldn't be anyone giving me good news, that wasn't going to happen in my world. I looked down at the screen and a pave a panic comes over me. Why was he calling me? Had something worse happened?

I pressed the screen, answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Malia..." his voice echoed.

I wiped the tears running from my face, "I'm here."

"Oh my god sweetie... I just heard what has been going on... are you okay? Are you crying?" He asked worried.

"I'm managing..." I said quietly. His voice, comforting as it was to hear, I didn't know what to say to him. It's not who I expected to be calling me.

Justin was with Rob, could Justin be just now finding out about the reports? Why didn't he call me? Why is Rob calling me?

"How are you holding up?" he was typical Rob, trying to comfort me.

"Rob..." my voice broke. "I didn't think I would be in this place in my life right now."

"I'm so sorry... it's the first story that is making a big mess. You will pull through it. You're strong."

It was more than a story, more than just rumors. "It's hard to go through all of this alone." The tears started to run down my face again. I had become a weak version of myself. "I'm completely alone with the worst possible thing... my own thoughts."

"Malia hun, you have me... you have Justin... you have Jane-"

I interrupted him, "Other than my parents and management, you're the first person to call me since all of this..."

"What do you mean? Where is Janelle?" He paused, "Where is Justin?" he asked.

Where is Justin?

His words flowed out and hit me worse than the bomb fully exploded. The impact was unbearable. Justin was with Rob. Justin said they were going away to record. He said they were going to a secret location... was this only a secret for me? He didn't want me to know because it's not what he was really doing... but what was he doing? Was he happier that I told him I didn't want to visit?

I hit the wood of the pier, legs collapsing beneath me. My entire body started to shake.

Lies.

"Malia, are you there?" I heard him talking. I just couldn't form words together. "MALIA." He screamed.

"He..." I covered my mouth, trying to swallow the words I was about to say.

"You're scaring the shit out of me Malia... what the hell is going on?"

"Justin said..." The quiver in my throat was preventing me from saying much... the words hurt. "Where is Justin?" I questioned out loud.

Secrets.

"He isn't with you?" Rob asked confused.

"He lied to me." I mumbled.

Secrets and lies.

I now know what empty is.

Everything seemed to revolve back around a secret. Honesty was all I ever wanted from Justin. I never really asked for much.

"I'm boarding my plane in just a few minutes... I'm going to see him. I'll get some answers."

"He said he was going to record... with you... he left days ago."

People are going to come in your life and go out just as quick as they came in.

His words ran through my head over and over again. Hurting, if possible, a little more each time the words crossed the thought process.

"None of this even sounds like the Justin I know." Even Rob didn't understand what was going on. He continued to ramble, running one sentence into another only allowing my brain to catch few words he was actually saying. "That man is falling in love with you... This whole secret location thing is something new.... what's going on with him... Did you try to call him?"

"Of course I tried to call him, the very moment I found out..." I switched into panic mode. "Rob do you don't think he would... hurt me like this do you?"

"Are you listening to anything I have to say?" he grunted, annoyed. "You think Justin would have talked to the press or even Aaron? He would never... it doesn't make sense."

"There's so much that doesn't make sense."

"I'm going to meet him right now. My flight is about six hours and the drive to the location is about an hour from the airport. I will find out what's going on. This just isn't the Justin I know."

"Location? Where are you going?" I asked confused.

"We are going to record music in some secret location. Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

"Sorry, my thoughts are really scattered right now..." Cluttered beyond belief was more like the issue with my brain. "Six hours, from L.A.?"

"I'm at LAX right now. Headed to Honolulu."

"Hawaii?" I asked.

"Justin didn't tell you anything?" He asked, already knowing the answer. "It's the least suspected place he would go to record."

Well that's the most truth I have heard today.

"Malia, I will find out. I promise you I will find out what's going on..."

"I don't know if I want the answers." I trailed off.

I wasn't sure how much more I can handle. I knew that I was stronger on the outside than I ever was on the inside. Examples of the recent events are the reason I choose to not trust people. It seems as if the ones you trust most are the ones who hurt you the most.

Sleep had become something of a distant memory. Another long sleepless night leading to the sun rising after I did only meant my work day would start and the thoughts in my head could be pushed aside and focus on work.

My wakeup call for the day was going to come in less than forty-four minutes and I was still awake, or already awake depending on how you looked at it. I called for my car and made my way to the photoshoot of the day. Even though the album was already released and doing well, promotion couldn't stop now and hasn't. However now all the interviewers wanted to talk about was the current tabloid mess I had gotten myself into. They didn't like the answer I gave, "No Comment." But I wasn't going to fuel his fire. I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.

With the days that have already passed, I seemed to gain a tiny piece of gratitude back. I didn't let the drama stop my work or my tour; I just let it stop my sleep. I worried about everything I shouldn't worry about. I read every single article there was about the story. I couldn't believe that in such a short time not only did I gain a bad name, but Justin, someone who this industry respected was getting most of the backlash. His PR person was going to have field day with me, when she finally laid her hands on me.

It had been hours since Rob would have landed and made it to the secret location. I have yet to hear back from him or Justin.

Quietly I sat in the backseat of the town car, questioning everything about my life for the millionth time. Why did it matter so much to me that Justin wasn't there for me? Why was such an issue? I made it clear to him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He had no reason to check in with me... I had no claim on him.

It was the betrayal. The love I shared with a man had done the unthinkable. The friendships I thought would stand the test of times. It was a complete mess.

The car came to a stop in front of my awaiting trailer. I sat still, staring off into space.

"Ma'am, this is your stop." The driver's words were garbled in my head.

Games.

Was Rob playing along with Justin's game?

Was there something going on that I was even unaware of?

A great song can take you back to any given place or time. A simple melody or powerful lyric could trigger a memory, good or bad; taking your mind back to that moment. An incredible song, can take you back to that pain. Feeling every ounce of heartache you felt in that very moment it occurred. When you hear the pain in the way an artist delivers the song, it makes it real, it puts you back there or it intensifies the moment you are already in.

            A soft powerful voice reined through my trailer, pain and all I sang along as loud as I could. "Who am I... to tell you that I love you? And who are you... to tell me that I don't?"

The power in the pain came through with every word. "If leaving would be easy, then go away... Please make this easy and go away... Go Away... I won't try and make you stay."

            Pain was always something I had become accustom to my entire life. This time was no different, except this time it was different. The person I loved for so many years had betrayed me. He had let me down and he was happy with his choices.

"It's enough I let you hurt me." I stopped in the middle of the room, feeling my own pain. My stomach tightened up. "But it's too much... for me to bear the blame."

I covered my mouth, as I did often when I felt the emotion start to take over. "Please make this easy and go away... Go away." I dropped my head, crying tears I didn't think I had left in me. How could I have let him hurt me like this? I made the final decision to leave. I took that final step, why couldn't he have just moved on? Why did he have to hurt me even more?

"Malia."

I gasped, frightened by someone being behind me, turning around I see my so called best friend standing there. I wiped the tears from my face.

"He really hurt you." She said believing the words she was saying.

"Which one?" I asked, attempting to put a dig at her. In reality they both hurt me, just in different ways.

"Is there more than one to hurt you?"

            "According to some people..." I turned back to the table, sitting down to lace up the shoes for the first shot of the day.

"I'm sorry. I screwed up." She admitted.

"Yes. You did." I was cold with her but I wasn't going to let those two words take away everything.

"Is that all you're going to say to me?" She said, irritated.

"Janelle..." I shook my head, I was now irritated. "Why are you here?"

"I can go." She stated.

I rolled my eyes at her choice of words, "Please, let's make this about you... and your feelings."

Her forehead crinkled in frustration, "That's not what I'm trying to do."

"You were my best friend Janelle." I pounded my fist against my chest, "MY FRIEND. And you chose to believe the stories and lies that Aaron had to say."

"I saw you with Justin. I saw the way you looked at each other..."

I interrupted her, "And I told you from day one, nothing had happened. I said that long before anyone else questioned anything. You should have trusted me. You should have believed me, your best friend, over... him."

"I really thought you were embarrassed that you had let it get that far... I thought you had cheated and didn't want me to know."

"Well I didn't. There were some things that maybe I shouldn't have done but I can tell you that Justin and I had many chances to make that a reality but we didn't let it happen."

"And now?" She asked.

"Now, what?" I hissed back to her.

A smiled waved over her face, "What's the deal with Justin now?"

"Nothing." I rolled my eyes turning away from her. I didn't trust her enough to tell her anything.

"Okay." She lowered her head, upset by my sternness with her. The awkward silence that followed my response was short lived when Hillary came in to tell me that everyone on set was ready for me. "Malia... I ... I'm really sorry. You can trust me. I need you to know that."

I opened the door and breathed in the warm air of the rare clear day in Seattle, turning back I say words that hurt even myself, "I don't trust anyone."

            The set full of lights and people made it a little easier to get through the day. There was too much going on to have time to dwell on the issues of my life. Photo after photo, I let go of the anger I had for Janelle. I didn't want to be mad at her; I didn't want to be angry with anyone. I only wanted to be angry at myself.

            Shot after shot led to a long morning, into the afternoon and right up to the time I had to be at soundcheck. Within the moments I had alone in that room, every emotion came rushing back. I couldn't pull myself together. The fans could see it all over my face, everyone around me could see the pain in my eyes.

            I took to that stage and gave it all I had. Pretending to be happy-go lucky and enjoying everything around me was difficult, but it was not an option for me to fail those fans. Lyrics that have never bothered me before were rough to get through and familiar faces in the crowd, that turned out to be someone I actually didn't know stops you in your tracks. I looked out over that audience and I could swear I saw Aaron's face staring back at me. Then when I saw the face of Justin and my mother, I knew it was all an illusion. I was hoping to see someone that was familiar. Hoping to see just a familiar face in the crowd.

            I gripped the mic around my hand, leaning in, feeling a pit in my stomach wave a different feeling over my body. A song that never bothered me this way before was suddenly the hardest of them all.

 "Time... Is going by... so fast. And I... can't do anything about it... I've... been holdin' on so long... Its time... that I can do without it..." Holding back the tears and an emotional breakdown I continued. "Everything comes and goes... Always the last to know... And I can see the sun come up...  Another day..."

"You... were looking for some fun... And I... was asking for a heartache... I... should turn my head and run Or I... could learn it all the hard way" The crowd listened intently like they had never heard the song before, "Everything comes and goes... Always the last to know... And I can see the sun come up..." my voice broke and my head dropped to the floor. Even with ten thousand people surrounding me, I was defeated. Slowly I started to finish the last two words of the song. " A...not...her day..."

These were my words, why couldn't I listen to them? Why couldn't I simply pick myself up and be okay again?

Just then the entire audience started chanting, "WE LOVE YOU!" Those simple words made the water build up in my eyes, rolling over my eyelids and streaming down the sides of my face. Looking up at the faces that seemed to be trying to pull me back to them, I whispered, ‘Thank You' into the microphone.

A girl in a few rows back, about my age screams, "Stay Strong Girl!"

            It was those simple things that were going to pull me through this. It wasn't going to happen overnight but I was hopefully, going to overcome all of this.

            I felt defeated. I had let this so called ‘man' in my life destroy my every emotion. He didn't deserve that right or privilege. I shouldn't be angry at anyone, except myself. I let this happen. I let all of it happen.

Another quiet lonely hotel room, in another random city, with another long night of crying tears into the pillow of my expensive hotel room awaited me. I didn't want to spend any more time at the venue, I knew I would eventually break down and I didn't want anyone to see that side of me. But the absolute last thing I wanted was to be alone.

I swung the door open revealing just what I thought I would see. A cold, dark, empty hotel room. Curling up into a ball against the cold sheets and was forcefully trying to get myself to fall asleep was more difficult than I originally imagined. Even if it was just an hour, I could at least have enough energy to get through the next day.

Knock Knock

            I ignored it the first time, thinking it was my illusions getting the best of me again. It was nearly three in the morning but it's not like I was sleeping by any means. The second time I heard a light knock on the door, I climbed up, heading for the door. The mirror revealed the dark circles under my eyes. I wiped the mascara and eyeliner that had run from the tears.
How did I let myself become this person?  I thought reaching for the door.

 On the other side, stood Justin.

I felt the walls of my heart, crashing and burning, yet again. He was probably the only person I wanted to see in the world, but I didn't want to see him.

I looked into his eyes, tired and distraught. I shook my head no, closing the door with him remaining on the other side.

"MALIA." Justin snapped as he stopped the door from closing. He stormed across the hotel room, slamming the door behind him. "I just flew from one airport to another to get here. Four airport delays later and you slam the door in my face?"

I tucked my knees up to my chest, sitting in the window seat overlooking the Seattle skyline, sobbing into my hands.

"Malia, what the hell is going on?" He bent down to my level, taking my hands away from my face. "Are you going to talk to me, or should I just leave?"

I looked up at him and said the one thing I didn't really mean to say, "Leave. I've made it this far without anyone... I think I can make it one more night."

He was shocked and stunned speechless by my words. He climbed slowly to his feet. "I didn't fly a thousand miles for... throwing my schedule off completely for nothing... I'm here."

"I didn't ask you to fly a thousand miles... and ruin your fucking schedule. You could have just picked up the phone and called me back. But I understand how difficult that could have been for you." I climbed onto my wobbly feet, across the room, and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

As flustered and upset as I was, I forgot to lock the door. He walks in, bending down in front of me sitting on the side of the bath tub. "I'm sorry. Can we start all over again?"

"There's nothing to start over."

"Malia." He takes his hand into mine. "What's happened? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."

Instead of dealing with the issue at hand, I lean in and kiss his beautiful lips that were almost at a pucker. I slowly kissed him, taking each moment I could to devour the taste of him, the feeling of his mouth attached to mine. Slowly we both rise to our feet; I wrapped my hands around his head, twisting his short curls into my between my fingers. I reach for my shirt, pulling it over my head, returning to taking on his glorious lips, trailing my lips down his neck before returning to his lips. I reach for his belt buckle, "Malia..." his words trailing off as my hands begin to pull at his jeans. "No." He said firmly, pulling my hands away from his jeans.

The knife that was inserted into my heart had just turned a couple times, causing the pain to intensify. He didn't want me. Tears start to stream down my face. I turned away, feeling like I was naked in a room full of people and not just a man who had seen me many times unclothed.

He grabbed my wrist firmly, "I'm not here for sex."

"Then why did you come?" I threw my hands up into the air frustrated.

He takes my hand and pulls me over to the bed. "Sit." I followed his instructions, climbing onto the bed. "Now, talk to me." He caressed the side curve of my hand between my thumb and pointer finger. "Talk to me..."

He was so genuine and so sweet. Why on earth couldn't he have been this person when I needed someone the last couple days? Why couldn't I have had this version of Justin to pull be back to the surface? "My world has fallen apart. Everyone around me has let me down." I lowered my head at the truth that just rained out of my lungs.

He placed his hand over his heart, "I have... let you down?"

The tears continued to roll down my face. I was sure I didn't have any left in me.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what I have done... but the last thing I would want is for you to feel like I have let you down."

"All I needed was for you to call me. I needed to hear that it was going to be ok. I need to know that the world that I knew it wasn't crashing around me. But that was eminent."

"I'm so sorry. I swear. I... I..." Justin fumbled with his words; he with all honesty didn't know what had happened or what he was going to do to fix the situation at hand.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand. It's not my place to be upset you didn't return a phone call anyways."

"You have every right to that... my phone was in my luggage... in Brazil."

I was confused, "I thought you were in Honolulu?" Panic began to set in again. This game was tearing what was left of my heart into pieces.

"I was. My luggage however didn't take the same trip I did." He griped his hand with mine, intertwining his fingers, "I still don't have my luggage or my phone."

There was still something I didn't believe with his words. Logically, it didn't make sense. "Why would you put your phone in your luggage?"

"I wasn't thinking correctly. I was... I had a million on my mind and I ended up taking an earlier flight and when I threw everything in the suitcase it included my phone." He reached up to wipe the tears that were still continuing to stream down the side of my face. "You're breaking my heart. I need you to not cry anymore." His long fingers were wrapped around the side of my face, he was caressing in a comforting manner. He was doing everything I would want him to be doing. But the broken part of my heart couldn't put the events together again.

Slowly I began to explain to Justin what has happened in the time he has been distant from the world. A few days felt like it had been an eternity. Even though it was a Hollywood scandal, it was still my real life involved. I still had to deal with this and deal with it in a very public manner. No one wants the world to know your dirty laundry.

Eventually crawling into bed, we lay looking at each other. I could look into those blue eyes all night and never fall asleep. He was tired, I could see it but he was stubborn and laid there asking me questions, comforting me in a way no one has ever cared to do before.

He rubbed the side of my face, around the dark circles that I couldn't seem to get rid of. "You're losing sleep over this..."

I chuckled to myself, mumbling, "It's not like I lose sleep, it's like I don't sleep at all."

"You can't do this to yourself. I'm here if you need me. I need you to know that."

"I know I shouldn't but it doesn't take away from the constant worry and stress." He pulled me in closer to him; I rested my head in the curve of his neck.

"You could let me be there for you. You could let me be someone you need."

I felt the cold chills run over my entire body. "I want that... but..."

He pulled back, releasing my head to the pillow. Frustrated he slams his head back on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. "I don't know what you want me to do anymore Malia. You said you don't want to be in a relationship, you say you need alone time... but your actions tell me otherwise. Your lonely, I try to be there, I really do but I can't keep jumping ships when it's convenient for you."

I sat up slowly, replaying his words in my head. "That's not what I'm doing... I swear... if I am... I'm sorry. It's not what my intentions are."

"What are you intentions then? What is going on in your head? Hell, what's going on in your heart."

Trying to be clever I said, "I think I'm broken."

Silence became the worst sound of all.

"Justin?" I asked thinking he fell asleep, or was now just scared as hell that he had gotten involved with someone this fucked up.

"I think..." his words suspend the silence. "...you are broken."

I didn't realize how a joke on my part could have been such honest words. It may have been the most honest admission, I could have made. The words hurt, but they were full of truth.

"I know your games... I've played them myself too many times." He pulled my face into his continuing his speech, "Let me be there for you. Even if it's from a distance... let me try to be there for you." He kissed my cheek lightly, "Just let me be the friend you need." He pulled my body back onto the bed, resting his head on my chest listening to the sound of my heart beat. "Just let me try to be there for you."

It was quiet again, but this time I felt at ease in his arms. I felt like he could protect me from the world, if I could just let him. That may be the toughest task of all. "You know..." I whispered, "I can't remember the last time I laid in his arms and felt warmth or comforted..." I shook my head, trying to remember, "Hell, I can't even remember the last time I laid in his arms."

"You deserve happiness. You made the right decision, you know that right."

I nodded my head agreeing with him.

"Sleep." He pulled me in tighter, making the grip around my body even tighter, "I'm right here, sleep..."

Within moments I was fast asleep in his arms.

 "Another round!" I roared, slamming the glass down in the nearly empty bar. The nice level of intoxication I had in my system, made all my worries fade into the distant memory. The full concentration was on the glass that seemed to always be empty.

Ingrid, one of my backup dancers, throws her hands up in the air, "SHOTS!" She had recently ended her relationship with her boyfriend of eight years. Eight fucking years and he left her. Were there any real men left in this world? We were both willing participants of taking away the reality that was our lives.  "Soooo..." My words slurred, I tipped the freshly refilled glass in the air for a toast, "To men. Who enjoy sucking the life out of us!" We clinked our glasses together and took yet another shot, biting into the lime, feeling the burn as it trickled down the back of our throats.

"You're going to regret that in the morning..." Deena shouted behind us.

"Yeah... yeah..." I replied to her, handing her a glass. "I'll worry about it then."

Another day, another bar, another hangover is to be expected in the morning.

"Might as well." She expressed tipping the glass, sliding the warmth of tequila down her throat.

"Another?" Ingrid asked with excitement.

"Another!" We all chimed in.

            I watched the bartender take the slender clear bottle into her hand, pouring shots into the glass she had already done too many times to count tonight. She rested the bottle back on the shelf, revealing the solid black letting of the name. 901. I dropped my head, rubbing my hands over my face mumbling, "Of fucking course."

The afternoon sun didn't have a chance of making it through those thick burgundy curtains over the windows of the hotel room. Still wrapped in Justin's grip I wiggled my way to turn and look at him. Face to face with him watching his eyelids flutter. I could only imagine he was having a vivid dream. In his happy place, maybe, in the studio being a perfectionist and working on something over and over again. I wanted to know what he dreamed about, what his subconscious mind was thinking about.

My thumbs slowly slid over his flawless skin. A light scruff resided over his face covering his jawline down over his chin. It was utterly sexy on him. I leaned in, kissing the tip of his nose, resting my cheek against his, breathing in his intoxicating scent.

I don't think he would ever know, how much it meant to me that he would come to me when I needed someone. I may have been a bitch to him and made it appear as if I didn't want him around, but I did. Maybe I couldn't admit it out loud, but I wanted him around.

His lips pressed together and kissed the side of my face, causing my reaction to attach myself to his lips, sliding on the bed to climb on top of him. "Good Morning." he says with a half awake smile on his face.

"Good morning gorgeous." I said leaning my face down to his, placing my lips onto his nose again.

His hands went to my face, staring into my eyes. "You seem to be in a better mood today."

"It's always a better morning..." I planted a smirk across my face, "When I have a smoking hot guy half naked lying in my bed..."

"What could be any better?" he asked seductively, taking his lips slowly kissing the side of my neck, causing every eyelash attached to my eyelid to flutter uncontrollably. His hands trailed down to the small of my back, latching onto the hem of the silky tank top, grazing his fingers on the skin that rests underneath.

"You might have to show me." I winked at him.

"Malia?" Deena asked, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"God, I miss him." I mumbled, fidgeting with the pendent on the end of my necklace, focusing on nothing other than my own thoughts.

"Who?" They both asked in sync.

I looked up and saw them both staring at me as if I was in trouble. "What?" I asked confused at why they were staring at me.

Ingrid placing her hand on her hip, "Who are you missing?"

"It's not important." I said reaching for the once again empty glass. I nodded to the bartender who was gracious enough to get me another one.

"Oh it's important. Otherwise you wouldn't have said anything." Ingrid placed her hand over the glass as the bartender sat it down. "It's Justin isn't it?"

I felt my heart starting to palpitate faster. "Rumors." I managed to get out as I took the drink into my hands.

"You're lying to me." She leaned into closer, "I've seen the way he holds you when no one is watching. I've seen the way he closes his eyes when his arms are wrapped around you. The placement of his hand on the small of your back..."

I interrupted her, "This night isn't about me." I sat up straighter, "A round for everyone." I spun my pointer finger in the air to the bartender.

"Just because Aaron fucked up, made up some foolish lies... it shouldn't stop you from what you obviously have with Justin-"

I cut her off again, "Justin doesn't want me."

"Ok... whatever..." She said rolling her eyes. "Live in your own delusion over there."

I watched Justin walk up the steps of his private plane and the door closed behind him. I knew it was the closing of a chapter and very slowly, another one beginning. I wasn't sure what was in place for the future but the one thing I knew was I needed to find the pieces of myself again.

In the last month, I can't remember one conversation with Justin and me ending on a positive note. He was sweet and genuine and I was in simple terms, a bitch. I shouldn't have expected him to jump and run every time I needed him but he couldn't expect me to be whole again because I should be. Each day I think it's getting easier, but each night when I climb into an empty bed the reality sets in. I was alone.

I had never been this person that needed someone to get through the days. But being alone on the road, in a different city nearly every day took its toll on every bit of emotion I had left in me.

I can't help you if you won't help yourself.

That would be how we ended our last phone conversation. Justin's words were right. I needed to help myself, but it was easier said than done. When I started going out every night with Ingrid and Deena and the rest of the crew, he pointed out that alcohol wasn't the answer and I needed to focus on what was ahead not what was wrong with the past. Like I wasn't aware of that. Even with his theory being correct, I didn't know how to get to that point of helping myself before he could help me. Was I even worth fixing? He was clearly wasting his time and energy.

I pulled out my phone, typing several messages. It had been weeks since I had answered his phone calls or responded to his text messages. What do you say to someone that is trying to help you but you won't let them? 

I knew what I wanted. I knew that the idea of what I wanted could become reality. But I also knew the reality of what I wanted. I wanted the fairytale, fairytales don't come true. Even in Hollywood, there is always a reality to come back to.

I'm stupid.

He already knew that. I backspaced the letters off the screen.

I'm sorry.

Words meant nothing. I needed to prove to him I was sorry for my actions.

I need you.

I backspaced quickly, I didn't need anyone.

I typed each letter slow, looking at the words staring back at me, I pressed send before I could stop myself.

I miss you.

I placed the phone back on the bar and asked for another round.

The sun was setting in the background, inhaling the early evening air of Las Vegas. The three of us stagger to the curb, falling into a cab, headed back to our lonely hotel rooms that awaited us.

~*~*~

"What have I done?" I asked myself over and over again as I took the seat on the plane. I had done the unthinkable. My leg began to bounce nervously. I needed the plane to be lifting off the ground. I needed to be out of Las Vegas.

I threw my head back against the seat, what happens there, stays there... right?

One hour and 47 minutes earlier...

My eyes flutter open, cautiously avoiding the sun that was sure to be glaring through the windows. To my surprise, it was dark, the curtains had been drawn.

I jumped quickly out of the bed. The room was spinning beneath me as ran to the bathroom, hoping the effects of lasts night's adventures weren't going to get the best of me. I stood hovering over the sink, splashing water onto my face. My eyes looked like I had spent the entire night drinking; I guess they weren't lying to the world.

"That's enough Malia." I told myself. "Enough is enough. Get yourself together."

Looking down I noticed I was completely naked. Why would I have stripped completely naked? I turned to walk out of the bathroom. My eyes caught the attention on the floor.

Jeans crumbled, belt still intact.

Those were not my jeans. I had never seen those before.

A purple lace bra.

The bra was mine.

A vintage Lakers t-shirt.

Not my t-shirt.

My body started to shake; I cupped my hand over my mouth as I turn slowly to the oversized hotel bed. I wasn't alone.

"Malia and crew were spotted stumbling out of yet another bar overnight. A witness says she took shot after shot until she couldn't stand and needed carried out of the bar. She was heard many times, ranting very loud statements to the bar about the guys in her life doing her wrong... Looks like her happily ever after with Mr. Timberlake isn't so happy. Maybe she should have stayed with Aaron Steele..." Blah blah blah. "Even with his single failing miserably on the charts, his album, which is promised to be more bashing at Timberlake and Malia herself, is still slated to release next week...."

I clicked the TV off and rolled my eyes. It always amused me to see them jump from a crazy story of what actually happened to a promotion for that artist. As if I didn't have enough to worry about today. Yes, I was in another bar, it was going to be the last one for a while. I did make a comment about men, but I wasn't aware of any other comments I had made. I couldn't remember anything from the night before so I guess it was possible that I ranted about men. I learned quickly, I knew how to make mistakes and make them count.

I arrived in Los Angeles for a photoshoot as scheduled. However the weight of last night's possibilities on my shoulders was not part of the plan. With most of the night a blur, I wasn't sure if I could even trust my own thoughts on what happened. I remember clearly being in the bar and doing shots with Ingrid and Deena but much of the time soon after is hit or miss. I remember pieces of walking to the cab, in the lobby of the hotel, laughing loudly in the hallway with the girls outside of my room.

I couldn't remember who this person was that I had brought to my room with me, who I obviously done more than just sleep next to with.

How could those hours just be cleared from my memory?

Did I leave the room and head back down to the bar? Did I meet this person randomly?

If I would have been brave enough to find out who was under those covers, maybe see their face I would have more answers. I wanted to forget everything that happened the night before. Clearly my decision making process didn't improve when I made the choice to take off out of the hotel, with my suitcase in tow, and that man still in my hotel room. If I didn't know who it was, maybe I could forget it happened?

I didn't want to change into fourteen different outfits, put on a smile, and pretend to be something I wasn't today, but it needed done. It all comes with the job, so I pretended to be fine. I pretended to be this happy go lucky, has the world in the palm of her hands, woman and after hours in the hair and makeup chair, set changes, wardrobe changes, makeup changes, one after another things were slowly getting done. It was finally lunch time and the only thing I wanted, was some answers. As everyone broke free and ran to the food, I found a quiet room and my laptop.

"What the hell happened last night?" I asked Ingrid over the Skype chat.

"Why do you look dressed, hair done all fancy?" she scrunched her nose at me. "And I'm still in last night's PJ's."

I wiggled in the chair, attempting to find a comfortable spot. "I'm in L.A. I had a photoshoot this morning."

She adjusts herself on the couch in her sweats, "Oh shit I didn't know... we wouldn't have..."

I stopped her; I need to know what happened, maybe nothing happened. Maybe I was over analyzing the details. "Explain to me how I ended up with bruises of what looks like this..." I lifted my hands into the view of the camera, "around my wrists? It looks like someone pinned me down? Were we that crazy in the bar?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "No, we weren't that drunk. I mean we were really drunk but not crazy drunk. We all went straight back to our rooms pretty early and crashed. Looks like your sex got a little rough..." She joked.

"Who would I have..." I trailed off when my phone buzzed on the table. I was speechless at the words on the screen.

Just wanted to make sure you were okay after everything last night. I'm back in L.A. working today. Call me; we have some things to discuss.

My jaw was on the floor. Ingrid is yelling at me, asking what's wrong, what happened?

"I... I..." Could I have talked to him last night?

"Malia, what just happened? What was on that message?"

I clicked through messages from last night.

I miss you.

I want your arms wrapped around what's left of me.

I covered my face, not believing that this is what I really sent to him. What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn't thinking, that was part of the problem.

I scrolled through the phone, received calls.

9:02pm -Justin 44 minutes

12:46am -Justin 1 minute

"I talked to Justin last night?" I said out loud. Fuck I whispered to myself. I should have reversed the way I just made those two statements.

"You didn't talk to him while I was with you..."

"I talked to him for nearly an hour. What the hell was wrong with me last night?"

"What did you say? What did he say?" She started rambling off questions but her words became jumbled in my brain. I was asking myself question after question, trying to piece everything together. The time stamp was hours after I was back at the hotel. I talked to him highly intoxicated. What had I said? What did he say that caused me to make the choices I made? Or did I already make those choices and confess what I had done to Justin.

"Ing... Ingrid..." I stuttered. "I need to go... I need to find out what happened last night."

Did I really tell him I wanted his arms wrapped around what was left of me? Why would I make a comment like that to him? Stupid.

"I just want to ask you one question before you go?"

I looked back up at the screen, she was in serious mode. "Don't look so serious..."

"I remember our conversation last night... and without going into too much detail, just ask yourself... what do you want?"

"What do I want?" I asked confused.

"Yes. Ask yourself that question. Not what everyone around you wants, not what everyone around you thinks, not even what he wants. What do you want? What would make you happy?"

How much did I say last night? I asked myself.

"I'm not going to say anything..." Ingrid says softly, "But I need you to ask yourself that question. You deserve much more than you give yourself credit for. You're only as broken as you think you are. You can fix that."

I had so much more to worry about than what I wanted. But her words were incredible to hear and it really made the churning of my thoughts continue throughout the day. Instead of dreading the words I may have said to him, I was trying to focus on the work needed done, but her question was the thought that kept coming back, front and center. What did I want? It was such a simple question, with a difficult answer.

Was it possible that I wanted to be with Justin, like really want to be with him?

The questions ran through my head over and over again making each photo significantly different from the last one taken.

Could this simply be a form of infatuation that has managed to get out of my control?

Could I have led Justin to believe that this could ever be something that it never was?

Was I going to let someone like Aaron, control my every emotion for the rest of my life?

Could I let the mistakes of the past, stop me from every loving someone again?

Could I love Justin, did I deserve the love he could give me?

The only thing I kept coming back to was Justin. He was an incredible man, always so sweet and heartfelt without wanting something in return. He hasn't given up on me. With this mess that I have become, he accepted me for who I was at this moment and not who I was or who I could be.

Reaching for a pen and my notebook, I scribble down words that were flowing through my constant thought process. I did the one thing I haven't been able to do in months. Write the words that I was actually feeling. And the words didn't hurt, they healed.

"I know I break your heart... with everything I'm not... Don't ever give up, on me... Remember that were strong ... And even as we fall... Don't ever give up, on me..."

I drug the pen across the paper quickly, writing down the words I needed to get out.

 "These tears I'm holding back... Could turn my whole face black... And I don't know if you love... If you saw me like that... Would you..."

I looked around a room filled with people, all who have their own problems and issues to deal with. But they were still here, still doing their job, still living their lives. The mirror on the side wall catches my attention, my reflection. This is who I was. Good or bad, this was what I had to offer. Things may change today or tomorrow or next week, but someone in my life, had to accept the here and now.

"How do you... still believe in me... even when... all my colors bleed... holding out... will you love the rest of me?..."

I had run from every chance I could. Involving my heart wasn't an option. But there would never be a flip of the switch if I did I wasn't the one to flip it.

"My heart will tend run... But even when I'm gone... Don't ever give up, on me... I'm trying deep within... If you could hold my hand... Don't ever give up, on me..."

I looked down at the finish product, rubbing my thumbs over the last lines of the song I had just poured my every emotion into.

"Would you follow if I turn my back?... Could you love me through this broken glass?... I know, I'm not who I was or where I need to be... But don't ever give up on me... Don't ever give up on me..."

Each indentation of the words was a piece of me that found its way back to another.

Picking up the phone I dial the number of the one person I wanted to talk to.

"Hello!" he answers the phone after one ring. I could imagine him sitting on his couch, flipping through the television, his feet propped up, tired from the day yet smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey." I said nervously.

"Hey to you." He repeated, leaving a moment of silence between the two of us. "How are you feeling today?"

I had so many things to tell him. I had some things to confess to him and some things I didn't want to confess to him. I broke the silence, "I'm in L.A., just for the day. I have been working all day..." I cut myself off, none of that mattered. "I want to see you. We need to talk." I piece of joy waved through my body. This is what I should do.

"I want to see you." He said so endearing, "I'm on set right now, reshooting some scenes. But I should be done around six, is that okay?"

I started to tap my foot off the floor, nervous habits never go away. "I won't be done here for several hours... it will be after six..."

"I don't care what time it is, as long as I get to see you." His voice and the way he says things like that make this the right choice.

I didn't know what I wanted and I wasn't sure that it was a bad thing anymore. What I did know, was I wanted him in my life, whatever that may be. Knowing he wanted to see me was all I needed to hear.

I expected a level of anxiety, to panic, or just plain scared as I drove up his long driveway but I was content. I pulled in front of the massive house that stood before me.

All this space for one person.

It really was out of the view of most. I could see why he loved it here.

The enormous driveway held one black SUV.

I climbed out of the car, admiring the space around me. It felt like home.

Knocking on the door, I start having a wave of excitement. I was finally doing this. I was finally going to see him in what felt like forever.

The door opens and my heart stops beating. "... Hang on babe..." Sarah. The woman I knew very well stood barefoot just inside the door. She places the phone away from her face, "Can I help you?" She bobs her head back in forth.

I couldn't speak. My heart had been shoved up my chest wall and into my throat. I was choking on my own words.

"Excuse me?" Sarah asked again. "Did you need something? I have plenty of work to get done and wasting time here isn't helping much..."

She was barefoot and comfortable. In Justin's house.

They were living together, again.

I reached in my bag slowly pulling out the folded up sheet of paper I had just ripped out of my journal. "Could you please... just make sure Justin gets this please?" I lifted it slowly, second guessing everything. "He was expecting me..."

She took the piece of my life and tossed it on the side table as if it was nothing of importance. She look back over to me, "Oh honey, he is still on set. Thank god." She rolled her eyes. "He should be home soon."

Home.

I managed to move one foot in front of the other and place myself back in my car. Stunned. Mile by mile, I finally pulled into the driveway. As my legs crumble beneath the weight of my body to the kitchen floor of my condo, I know now what I want.

What I wanted.

And it wasn't mine to have.

Beautiful lights, the star filled nights, they don't mean a thing.

Lights. Cameras. Action... Well, at least there were lights and cameras because there surely wasn't any action going on. The same scene over and over again. My foot anxiously tapped against the chair. The clock was ticking closer and closer to six and I was still here, on set instead of at my house, with Malia. I was needed for one more shot; one single framed shot and I didn't even have any lines. I was a bit agitated that I was still on set just to be in a background shot.

"CUT!" The director bellowed. He started yelling at Jillian, the female lead. "You're not on your mark."

I made myself comfortable in the chair. I was going to be here a while. Jillian was a great actress she just wasn't on her game today. Today of all days.

Never fails right? I'm that typical go to work, come home, go to bed, do it all over again the next day kind of person while I'm working and today, the one single day I have plans... the schedule is thrown off and my plans are screwed up. There wasn't this amazing party somewhere in the heart of downtown that I was attending, there wasn't a flight to catch, there was just me in my quiet, empty house and Malia. It's all I wanted.

 I began to type a message to Malia. My stomach flip flopped continuously. I haven't felt this level of butterflies in a very long time. As crazy and fucked up as our relationship has been since the day we met, I think it was all supposed to happen this way. We were supposed to learn from each other and move forward. I was supposed to learn from her and she was supposed to learn from me. She has made me, the me I wanted to be again.

I'm stuck on set. Scenes are not getting done properly. I had hoped I would get out of here on time because I really want to see you. I can't wait to have you back in my arms. I think we really need to talk about some things. There are some things that I just want to...need to say to you.

Reading back the message to myself, I delete the rambling mess that it was and started over. What do I say to her, other than what I really want to say to her? What I really wanted to say were words that should not to be expressed via a text message.

I'm still on set, it's running behind. I can't wait to see you again. I miss you.

Simple and I don't look like too much of a fool. I thought as I looked at the words. It would have to do. I pressed send and placed the phone on my lap. I couldn't stop thinking about seeing her. I knew it hadn't been that long, but it felt longer. I wanted to spend more time with her than I had right now.

My hand slowly went to the sides of her flushed skin, wrapping my fingers around her face along the edge of her jawline, pulling her closer, inhaling the scent of her skin as her face brushes past mine, resting her cheek on mine. Her hands ran over my back as she made her way up to my head, she pulled my face into hers and she kissed the tip of my nose before placing her head on my chest. It had been too long since I felt her like this. She was vulnerable and willing to just be here in the moment, with no reason to run and hide. I needed this feeling more than I got the chance to.

Malia was stubborn but not nearly as broken as she thought she was. And against what she thought was possible, she had let me in. Last night. My face light up with pure joy. Last night changed everything between us. In a simple admission, Malia's wall came crumbling down and she let me be the one standing next to her when it did.

"What is that cheesy thing you have on your face?" Trace snatches the phone off my lap. Picking it up and looking at the screen.

"What?" I asked, snatching the phone right back, confused by his presence on set.

"You." He pointed at my face. "What's up with you?"

"Just waiting to finish this scene..." I shoved the phone in my pocket.

"Yeah, whatever." He glared at me.

"Is something wrong Trace?" I asked, "You have that creepy crinkle on your forehead..."

"Why is that smile permanently place on your face? What's her name? Who has you..." he spun his finger around, circling Justin's face. "... All giddy like this."

I turned my head away from him. He could read my face better than I could sometimes and this was something I was trying to keep to myself. My relationships haven't been so great in the past. Going from over the moon happy to bottom of the barrels depression is not the easiest thing to deal with. Granted I had my fair share of dealing with his broken heart and mending that for him but this was something different, he has always been the one person to always try and protect me. He would tell me things regardless if I wanted to hear them or not.

"J." Trace said stepping in front of me. "Who is she?"

I shook my head at him, attempting to distract him. "Let me figure out what it is first... okay!"

He rolled his eyes, like he has done countless times to before. "Whatever man, just let me meet her before you marry her okay?"

"Whoa." I stepped back, "You know me better than that. I never said anything about marriage."

"I do, but that look in your eyes... Who is she?" He asked again.

"You've met her and I'm going to leave it at that." I stood up when I saw the director's assistant waving his hand at me, telling me five minutes. Finally, I thought to myself.

Until yesterday, I didn't think it was possible that I could ever get her to fall in love with me. I hoped that she wouldn't always think she was broken and chose to never love again. I guess I'm quite lucky that she has come back across that line.

 "She makes you happy?" He asked.

"Yes..." my words trailed off as I remember the last way I saw her. Her gorgeous brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, revealing the sexiest tattoo I had ever seen on a woman. It fit her perfectly and was placed at just the right placement on her neck. The way her head would turn to the side, to throw me a playful smirk would send the light down her neck and onto her bare shoulders. Her skin glistened off her radiant glow. The light scent of jack daniels on her breathe made my eyelashes flutter...

"Malia?" Traced asked as I was still off in my thoughts. "JUS-TIN?

I looked at him confused, "What?"

"That's who it is... its Malia... I thought that was..."

He was interrupted by the assistant, "Justin we're ready for you."

I started to walk away from Trace when he yelled, "We will finish this conversation..."

I turned back, "Just not right now... and not tonight."

Trace rolled his eyes and shook his head, he knew what that meant. He knew the red ribbon was going to be tied on the door, the flag was going to be out flying high, or whatever was needed to get the hint out. We never went to college together, we never shared roommates with anyone else, so this was our way of putting the warning out there.

"That's a wrap!" The director said and within seconds I was saying my goodbyes and rushing to my car. I was going to test how fast this Audi would really go. I clicked on the phone, no message or call from Malia. Maybe she was still on set as well. I thought.

The drive was quick, the traffic wasn't bad, but it could have been and I didn't notice a thing. I had a one track mind now and only one mission at hand.

With full hands I manage to unlock and push the front door open, "Shit."I said as the flowers I had purchased for Malia fall out of my hands, the vase crashing on the dark mahogany staircase. I ran to the kitchen for a towel to clean up the water on the white marble floor. I bent down, wiping slowly. "Fuck" I said snapping my hand back quickly, watching the blood ooze out of my hand and pieces of broken glass sticking of out the palm of my hand. "What else could go wrong today?" I mumbled.

A strong scent of vanilla filled my senses, a scent that hasn't been in this house for quite some time. I look around the empty house. There was no one here, but the scent became stronger and stronger as I climbed the flight of stairs.

"Rachel?" I yelled down the empty hallway, my voiced echoed back at me with no one answering in the distance.

I turned the corner of the spare bedroom, and there she was. Sarah. The furry in my stomach made the heat in my face instantly at the point of boil. There she was, going to totes of things that belonged to us. Well, the us that used to be happy and in love. The us, that hasn't existed for years, the us that tore me to pieces the night I walked into a scene I hoped I would never see. "What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in my house?" I turn around scanning the room and hallways, "Did Rachel let you in? Is Rachel here? If she didn't..."

She stood slowly, pulling a shiny silver item out of her pocket. "I have a key Justin." She slipped the silver key out of her pocket, "I used to live here, remember?"

"USED TO" I nearly screamed at her, reaching for the key and snatching it out of her hand.

"Wow. You're a little rude." She said crinkling he nose and forehead at me.

I stepped back, attempting to contain myself but I couldn't hold it in. "This is my house. I will be however I want... what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Ugh. You're such an ass." She rolled her eyes, turning away from me. "You really are."

"I'm the ass?" I walked forcefully back across the room, pounding my fist on my chest "I'm the ass... at least I'm not the whore who cheated on her boyfriend, the very night he had planned on asking her to marry him... at least I'm not that person. At least I'm not you."

"Fuck you Justin." She started slamming things back into the totes. "This is why I did what I did..." she mumbled.

"Oh blame your actions on me, how typical of you." My hands started to tremble, causing my stomach to turn into knots. "Are you going to blame me for knocking you up that night as well? Are you going to claim that I'm the father of that child you had, again?"

My words stung, it was written all over her face. Water filled up over her eyelids, "I never meant to hurt you Justin. I loved you too much to ever want to...-"

"The fuck you did." I intervened in her words, "You don't know the meaning of the word love."

She plopped her hand on her hip, changing her tone. "Just because I made a bad choice, doesn't make me a bad person."

"You're right. Your bad choices only lead to more bad choices which made you the person you are." I was going to scream. I was going to implode if she didn't get out of my view. "You need to leave."

"Justin, stop being a child." She rolled her eyes again digging through another tote. "I need to find something and then I promise I will be gone. I don't want to be here as much as you don't want me here."

"Take it. Take it all. I don't want any of it in this house anyways. That's why all of it is in those fucking containers." I snapped the lid on the one she was digging through. "Move" I demanded when she stepped in my way. I nearly hurled it down the flight of stairs and out the front door. "Take the shit. I don't want it." I walked back into the room, and took the other tote out of the room and out the front door. I wanted nothing to do with her or our past anymore. I clung onto that relationship for too long and it would be a great feeling knowing that stuff was not even in the house anymore.

She stood there in the doorway, staring at her feet. Finally breaking her silence with a grin across her face, "I sure hope that brunette coming by the house today wasn't your new girlfriend. She was cute and looked hurt when I opened that front door."

I felt my heart stop beating. The air stopped circulating through my body. My world had come to a complete roaring halt.

"I thought that's who she was." She bounced down off the front step as he headed towards her SUV. "Have a great life Justin."

I shut the door slowly, trying to replay everything back in my head. This was not how today was supposed to go. Today was supposed to be a great day. Today was supposed to be the start of the rest of my life. My body slide down the door before I crashed to the floor.

A small sheet of paper lying on the floor, under the table caught my eye. A folded up sheet of paper I knew wasn't mine. I grabbed it, unfolding it as quick as I could.

It was her handwriting staring back at me. She was here.

 "I know I break your heart... with everything I'm not... Don't ever give up, on me... Remember that were strong ... And even as we fall... Don't ever give up, on me..."

If she only knew that I would be happy with who she was, broken or not. I love everything about her and I would never give up on her.

" I know, I'm not who I was or where I need to be... But don't ever give up on me..." I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I have to fix this.

 "...If you could hold my hand... Don't ever give up, on me..." The phone began to ring, and ring some more.

My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. She had finally given me the chance. This was her way of telling me, ‘Take my hand and never let go.'

"This is why my heart is always guarded." She began to speak quickly, but in a firm tone.  "This..." she paused, causing the silence to hurt even more. "I'm done playing whatever game you think this is. I'm done living a delusion that I let myself live in for too long." The line was silent.

"Malia, you have the wrong-"

"Justin. Just don't." her voice broke.

I could hear the pain and heartache in every word she managed to speak. I could hear her tears crashing to the floor. "Malia she is not ..." I tried to explain.

The line went dead.

Along with my heart.

My smile had turned into a frown. The best day had turned into the worst day possible. It had taken a downward spiral the moment I stepped foot into Los Angeles today. My heart filled with joy had turned into the puddle of tears that surround me.

            Within an hour I was on a private plane headed south, with Trace in tow. He knew I needed to get away. And there was one place I could go to be no one and keep myself from making even bigger mistakes if I stayed in L.A. I wanted to run to her, I wanted to make her see the truth but I knew I needed to calm down and she needed to breathe.

Drink after drink, the bottle seemed to disappear quicker than it should have. Trace had seen me at my worst more times than I can count but this time, it was worse. I had a healed heart, ready to fall in love and she had just a freshly broken down wall that has now been built back up.

Against my own judgment and statements, I sank to the one thing I was sure wouldn't disappoint me.

"She loved me Trace." I slammed the glass down into the arm of the seat, "I am an ass." I dropped my head into my lap, covering my face with my hands. "She really loved me and I crushed her."

"Give her time to cool down."

"You didn't talk to her... you didn't hear the pain in her voice."

Trace looked over at me as he has done many times, but this time his guidance was different. "She really does love you and she will let you explain. She will make this right." He stood, taking the glass out of my hand and dumping the rest of the remains out.

Trace stepped down off the plane with his phone attached to his ear. I only made out pieces of his conversation as he walked further away from me. "Hey Lynn... yea he is with me... this night isn't going to end pretty... we'll be there shortly... I got him, he will be fine..."

I stumbled down the steps behind him, throwing my arms into the air. "We're going to a bar!!"

"J- I'm taking you home to sleep this off." Trace fiddled with the keys, trying to open the doors.

"Oh hells naw you're not, I need to drink."

"Just get in the car." He pointed at the opened door.

I reached out embracing him with a hug. "I love you man."

He gripped back; embracing my vulnerability as my fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt, letting me fall to pieces on his shoulder "You know I love you... even when you're crazy drunk."

If I was lucky with anything in life, it would be the amazing parents and family that I have always had by my side, and Trace. He was the best possible friend a person could ever ask for. All of my happy moments and all of not so shining moments have been shared with him. We have both needed a shoulder at one point in time and he was simply more than I ever deserved.

Malia.

Heartache.

Breathing.

Life.

What's the purpose of life if everything is going to turn into heartache and pain at some point? Managing to exhale and inhale a simple breathe shouldn't be so difficult. Constantly feeling as if there is a part of you torn to pieces is no way to live a life.  Putting your heart on the line after you promised yourself you would never do that again, was just a slap in the face. I had made the choices, and I'm paying the consequences for it now.

            The eternal sound of silence was the worst sound of all and my condo was eerie quiet now. The television dark, the blinds pulled shut, my legs were pulled into my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs I rest my chin on my knees. Not a single thing made a sound other than the pain of my heart cracking into pieces yet again and the flow of tears that have simply become second nature for me.

"Mia honey, I just got your voicemail. Are you okay?" My mom's sympathetic voice reined through the phone. Just hearing her voice, someone that undoubtedly loved me and any choice I made, was hard to take in.

"Mama. I just don't know what to do anymore." Those are words I never thought I would say to again. Words I never thought I would say to even myself again. "My life has fallen to pieces. Just when I start to see the light again, the light goes dark. Pitch black dark. I hate being here alone all the time..." Every single word was causing my throat to close off. "I hate the feeling of no end."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." My mother never knew how to react to me crying. It used to be something I rarely did, but it more common than she knew now. "Is this because of what Aaron has been saying? Honey, you know the truth and that's all that matters."

I took in her question, trying to find an answer. "This..." I began to speak, but it was then I realized that this had nothing to do with Aaron anymore. It was me.

"What do you think you need to be okay again?" My mother asked calm and collected.

She wasn't aware of anything I was dealing with; she was in the dark about most of my life. I didn't want my mother to know messing my life really was. But I was going to tell her, what I have told no one. "I need to not be broken anymore. I need to feel whole again."

She remained quiet on the other end. Hoping maybe I would divulge details or something that could help her help me, but there was no answer, there was no easy fix. "The man I met your condo that day..." she paused, "Who is he?"

Justin. I felt my throat begin to close off again. "You know exactly who that was." I said hoping that would be the end of it. She didn't know what has been going on with Justin but she suspected something the moment she found him in my apartment at the crack of dawn.

Her tone changed. "That's not what I meant. He seemed to make you happy." She the mom, trying with everything she had to make her daughter see the greatness her life had to offer. "I saw an ease on your face that I have never seen with you... And you know Mia that it doesn't matter how the timing works in life, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

His hands went to my face. My eyes watched the creases on his knuckles as they bent slightly to the curve of my chin. His hand opened as he slowly cupped my face into both hands, placing his lips onto the bridge of my nose. His fingers, his touch rolled over my body with ease. The view of the Las Vegas strip in the background disappeared as the blackout blinds lowered to floor level and my body slowly lowering onto the bed, the weight of his body towering over me...

"Malia?" My mother asked as I snapped out of the memory.

"Yea..." I said, attempting to focus.

"You alright?"

"Just remembering some things I need to figure out..." my thoughts were controlled by this night that I couldn't remember. Pieces of the night seemed to flood back, but no real details of who this person was, how I knew them, or how it was that I was so comfortable with this person with me. Was there an even bigger mistake made that maybe I didn't want to face in the morning? Could that be the reason it seems to be a blank? Did I call someone I shouldn't have? Did I run into someone I shouldn't have? I covered myself in embarrassment.

"Mia." My mother got louder, more intense this time. "I'm going to meet you in the next city. You need someone with you right now."

"No." I said firmly. "I'm leaving tonight, headed for the East Coast... I will be fine."

She exhaled that deep breathe I dreaded hearing from her. "You say those words, but I don't believe you."

I didn't believe the words myself, but there was only so much I could handle at the moment, and as much as I don't want to be broken, I had things in my life that I should be happy with and I had things that most could ever dream of having. I needed to focus as much as I could on those things. "I have everything I could have ever wanted. I need to stop being selfish and accept that life isn't perfect."

             The flood gates had been opened and words poured out onto pages of lyrics. I thought I had found whole again, but maybe there was never going to be whole again. Maybe this is the new version of me that I had to get used to. Life was not perfect. Life happens. Life changes the person we become and somehow someway, it prepares us for our next adventure. I need to learn from what life has thrown at me and take it on to the next step of my life.

            As the plane touched down, the sun was rising up along the ocean into the blue sky. I seemed to always hate the idea of a redeye flight. Time is lost between the flights and there was no way of getting it back, but this particular flight could have wasted more of my time and it would have made me happier.

            To my surprise when I walked into the venue, there were others already moving around, setting up lights, the stage, and getting the little things ready for the show that would occur tonight regardless of how screwed up I was. 

"Malia, a package was dropped off for you." Joel yelled across the stage.

"Okay..." I looked back at him confused.

"It's in your dressing room. It came while we were in Vegas but I couldn't find you... anyways I wanted to let you know.

I vanished to the back room to find this package. I was sure the label had sent something that needed signed or some crap that I really just didn't want to deal with but instead there is a large purple guitar case sitting just inside the doorway. A simple card was tied to the handle with a large piece of ribbon.

Find hope in hopeless... Become that missing link... Always write with me in mind...

A hand scribbled heart and J ended the card. I ran my fingers over the grooves of the heart he drew. How something as simple as this scribbled heart could mean so much to me boggled my mind.

I snapped the brackets open, lifting open the case. Revealing an acoustic guitar covered in light purple crystals. "How could he... how did he..." I mumbled questions to myself, as I felt the ache in my heart begin to hurt even more. The lid inside the case was designed as a college of pictures. He had taken photos from the very day we met on the set of Ellen, to the last photo we had taken on his cell phone, laying in bed. Some I was sure I had never seen before. He had spent so much time and effort on this gift and yet he wasn't even single.

"He always seems to do the right things." Joel stood leaning in the doorway. "He is great for you Malia."

I swallowed my pride and nodded my head. My eyes filling up with tears, an aching pain through my heart caused the feeling to become overwhelming. If he only knew. I thought to myself.

The lyrics I had written on the flight were all I could think about. I grabbed my journal scribbling down more words. There was something I need to change, something I needed to add to that particular song. I turned back to Joel, "Could you get me a microphone and power to the acoustic guitar please?"

He smiled and nodded his head, "Just give me a few minutes." Musicians. They deal with life through music.

Picking up the acoustic, I place the strap over my head, adjusting it to the perfect level. The lights from above beamed down on a scripted message along the edge in his handwriting, I run my fingers over his words.

Until the end of time... J

Joel stood at the soundboard, giving me the go ahead just as I strummed the first chord, immediately going into the words, not given myself time to sink into a depression. "I said hello I think I'm broken...  And though I was only joking... It took me by surprise when you agreed... I was trying to be clever... For the life of me I never... Would have guess how far... The simple truth would lead..."

            He had taken over a part of my heart that I never thought I would get back, he made me believe in the idea of love again. Even with every game I tried to play, in order to run from him, he was always standing there ready to take on the next step. But Why?

"You knew all my lines... You knew all my tricks.... You knew how to heal that pain... No medicine could fix..."

            He was able to fix my pain, he was able to do what no one would ever be able to do again, but why would he? He wasn't alone. He wasn't dealing with the issues I was... why would he want to take on the challenge of my pain, when he had someone to come home to at night.

"And I bless the day I met you...  And I thank god that he let you... Lay beside me for a moment that lives on... And the good news is... I'm better for the time we spent together... And the bad news is you're gone..."

            He had someone, that wasn't me, to go home to at night...

"Looking back it's still surprising... I was sinking... You were rising... And with a look, you caught me in mid air... And now I know God has his reasons... But sometimes it's hard to see them... When I awake and find you're not there..."

            I took his words, incorporating them into a song that was easing the pain I felt.

"You find hope in hopeless... You made crazy sane... You became the missing link... That helped me break my chains... And I bless the day I met you... And I thank god that he let you... Lay beside me for a moment that lives on... And the good news is I'm better for the time we spent together... And the bad news is you're gone..."

            My head lowered to the ground, tears crashed onto the steel of the stage.

"The bad news is, you're gone..."

            Every piece of who I was, was in love with him.

Everything I wanted, was in him.

A love I would never feel again, could never be.

He was gone.

            The sun was shining bright as I rushed out of that venue, exiting through a back entrance and into the nearly empty parking lot. I placed my hands over the side of my face, kneeling to the ground. I had let myself fall in love with him. As great of a feeling as that was, it was also that much of a heartache. That was something that couldn't be.

"I've missed you." I heard a familiar voice begin to speak behind me, a hand was being placed on my shoulder. I slowly turned and rising to my feet. My sadness was gone and filled with fury. I back stepped quickly. "Do not touch me." I barked.

"Let me..." Aaron said reaching for my hand, as I pulled back not letting him touch me. "Why wouldn't you just let me be the one in your life? Why couldn't you just let me love you?"

I rolled my eyes at his words. His memory must not remember the same things mine did. "Only you would rewrite history, and believe it." I exhaled a deep breath. I turned to walk away from him, turning back I said. "I wish you could hear yourself when you speak. "I wish you would listen to me when I speak to you. I wish..." I chucked, "I don't wish anything anymore. You had my heart and you lost it. Take a look in the mirror and face what you have done because our breakup had nothing to do with Justin, it had nothing to do with me. You are to blame."

His eyebrows flared as high as they would go. "You're such a conceded bitch."

I smiled at him, "Just not your bitch." Turning away I felt a genuine smile wave across my face, expressing the pure joy of defeat over him.

"Walk away from me... it's what your good at." He yelled. "You are always running."

            Ouch. His words stopped me in my tracks. It was the truth. I always found a way to run. There was always something causing me to make the choices I had made.

Justin. I thought.

            I can't give up on him. After everything he has done for me, I couldn't give up on him. I needed to fight for what I wanted. I needed to come full circle with him. He needed to know how I felt, regardless of how it would change our situation. He needed to know that his love wasn't meaningless; he needed to know that he had done all the right things, just at the wrong time.

"Malia..." Aaron yelled as if I was across the pavement.

My blurred vision of the surroundings started to come in clearer. Aaron was still standing there, glaring back at me. Calmly I delivered words to him, "Everyone said you would do it... everyone said I would cry... But somewhere between the lines of reality and your version of reality, I have realized the things I really wanted in life. So if running from you is what needed to happen, I'm glad I ran. I should have done it sooner."

The version of Aaron I had gotten to know the last year of our relationship was front in center now, "You're pissed that I went to the press first. You're pissed this wasn't your spin on what happened." The smirk on his face made me want to slam him into the wall but I knew that wasn't the answer. I needed to take the high road from him. He didn't need to have any kind of effect on my life any longer.

A crowd started to form near the entrance of the building. "You can say what you want to whoever you want. It will never change the way I feel about you." I turned and walked away from him, hoping it would be the last time...

            Just when I thought the smoke had been cleared, the title wave had calmed Sam storms through the door of my dressing room, slamming a stack of photos down in front of me.

"This cannot happen." He forcefully points down at the stack in front of him, "This... ends... now."

Yesterday. Yesterday I got lost in circles.

Yesterday turned into days, turning into weeks. One bad turn lead to another, bringing me right back to my same problem. Nothing I did, seemed to be the right choice. Living without learning.

Sprawled out all over the table were photos... weeks of photos. Images of myself, going into a bar, stumbling out of a bar, or somewhere along a pool with an alcoholic beverage in hand, but the photos were nothing compared to the ones Sam still held in his hand.

"This cannot happen." He forcefully points down at the stack in front of him, "This... ends now." The disappointment on his face was not something I had seen on him before. "This has to stop." He waved them in front of my face, tapping them off the edge of the table. "We have worked our tails off and avoided a lot of press from what could have been bad but this..." he shook his head in disappointment. "Malia..."

I took the photos into my hands and in my view, looking at the choices I had made. I was in the arms of a man, in Las Vegas, in the door way of what looked like my hotel room, his hands already underneath the hem of my top, clearly giving the image of why I would want a man in my room to begin with.

This was the moment I had chosen to block out. This was the event I couldn't stop thinking about, but yet couldn't remember too much about.

I covered my face in embarrassment. Guilty. My behavior had spun out of control and I was very aware of it. I always said I wouldn't be one of those celebrities who couldn't handle their own lives and used ‘things' to help cope with it. But I had turned into one of those people. I may not be buying drugs on some corner of Sunset Blvd, but I was no better than any of them. I had slipped into a level of depression, covering it with alcohol to avoid what was really going on around me. Worst of all, I involved a great man, who I never deserved, into my mess, only to have fallen for him at the worst possible time.

Without his arms, I have no home. I feel so lost without him.

            I didn't think a heart as broken as mine was, could love again. He changed that. He pulled me in, more than I ever wanted to be and a part of me that didn't want to let him in, let him in.

It was time for me to either tie our hearts together or cut the ties completely. I couldn't let Justin be strung along, I couldn't let my own heart live in heartache anymore. I was in love with him.

I had fallen, for Justin.

I glared down at the photo in my hand again. "Where is Justin?" I asked abruptly. "Do you know where he is?"

Sam looked across the table at me, "I don't know..." he said slightly confused. "We have things to take care of, let's not worry about Justin... that's another situation to deal with."

Justin was the only situation I wanted to deal with. He, was what I wanted to be dealing with.

I stood up, placing the photos on the table, "I have to go to him."

"Malia..." he said with force, "You have a show to do." The manager side of Sam was out in full force.

"The show is tomorrow. I can go to him and be back." I nearly begged as if I was a child. "My mind is clear for the first time, in a very long time. I need to go to him. I needed to tell him I loved him." I loved him. The words that I thought would never say again, let alone feel that way again, were all I wanted to do at this moment.

He lowered his head in defeat. "I'll find out where he is... I'll get you a private jet but you have to..."

"Sam." I said waving smile across my face. "I promise everything will be better after I do this. I will be back to the workaholic and tabloid drama free artist..."

            He takes his phone out of his pocket, dialing a number, asking a few questions, placing the phone back in his pocket with a smile on his face he says, "The plane will be here in an hour."

"Do you know where he is?" I asked surprised he had answers so quickly.

"You know... you could pick up the phone and just call him."

I laughed. "I know, but that would take away from the grand gesture, now wouldn't it?"

"He is closer than you think." He shook his head, rolling his eyes, "Malia... this..."

"I got it Sam." I threw up the scouts honor. "I promise."

I wasn't sure what he meant by he was closer than I thought, but it didn't matter. I didn't care how far I had to fly, where I had to end up. I just needed to be standing in front of him, telling him everything. I didn't know how the next conversation was going to be started, I didn't know how it was going to end, but the one thing I knew, was going to change everything.

Just as I began to get comfortable in the chair of the empty private plane, the pilot tells me we are about to land in Memphis.

He was on the east coast. He went home.

I stepped off the plane into the fresh crisp night air of Tennessee, with a heavy heart of the mission ahead. A mission I couldn't hold back from anymore. Just as my feet were planted on the pavement, my phone began to ring.

"I take it you are Sam's connection?"

Trace laughed, "Sam and I go way back."

"Of course." I laughed at him. "You just seem to know everyone."

"Well the one person I do know very well, is the only one that matters. And he... he needs you."

Trace's words meant so much and hurt just as much at the same time. I knew that it meant Justin was in pieces as well, which was going to make this task even harder.

"Black Diamond on Beale Street." He blurted out.

"A club?" I asked confused.

"The car that is sitting ten feet from you... get in the car and tell the driver you need the Black Diamond on Beale Street. At the front door give him my name."

"I don't think a club is the best place-"

Trace cut my words off, "Malia. Just listen to me."

I did just that. I climbed into the back of the town car that awaited me, and watched the buildings in the night sky pass as the car slowly pulled up to the long line of clubs on Beale Street.

            I approached the front door covered in security.

"Ma'am, can I help you?" The security guard turned quickly to stop me from entering the club.

What the hell was going on here? I thought to myself seeing a line barricaded around the building all blocked off everyone from entering the club.

"I'm meeting Trace Ayala. He said to come to the front door."

"Malia?" He questioned.

"Yes." I nodded my head.

"Follow me." He said before moving quickly towards the door.

He lead me through the dark club that had a man sitting at a piano, playing it softly of the stage. The stage was lit very dark and fit the mood he was playing.

A man's voice exhaled deeply into the microphone as I approached the sound booth. I stepped up the single step leading to a view of the stage. "So, I was sitting at my mother's house last night..." The man sort of chuckled at himself, "the house was quite and the TV was on in the background... I was looking at some things from my past..." he looks out over the crowd shaking his head. "This song... it..." He voice broke and the light revealed his face to me. "Like most incredible song writers, I bet when he sat down and the words came to him and the pain he was in, he never thought it would affect others in the impact that it has..." He adjusted the microphone in front of him, sitting up straighter on the bench, taking one last sip of his drink, placing it in front of him on a coaster, looking at the crowd again as the spotlight grew brighter on him. I knew that deep down he liked it better that way. The less he could see in a moment like this, the better. His nerves wouldn't get the best of him and he could sing without second guessing the looks on the faces in the crowd. He was ready to break open the pieces of his heart and lay them on the piano.

At the first notes be began to play, I knew what he was about to do. And I knew that I was about to be a puddle of tears on the floor of that sound booth. I looked at him, looked at the pain in his eyes as he continued to press each key. I turned away from him, turning to look at the Trace who was standing behind me. "I can't do this." I said with the first set of tears streaming down my face, "I can't listen to him sing this song... these lyrics and know that this is exactly how he is feeling right now."

Trace took my hand into his. "You have to stay. You have to see him. You have to make this right between the two of you."

I slowly pulled my hand out of his, "Sometimes, there is a reason these things don't work out. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be."

"And sometimes... they are just simply meant to be." He turned my body back around to look at his hands dancing along the keys to a song that was undoubtedly shattering me into pieces.

His voice began to escape his lungs, "Alone in this house again tonight, I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine." His voice smooth and perfect echoed through the club. He closed his eyes tight, feeling the pain of lyrics. "There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me. The way that it was and could have been surrounds me. I'll never get over you walkin' way."

His eyes revealed the most pain. I watched as his fingers flowed, the veins in his arms inflated over the surface of his skin. He swallowed hard. "I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show and I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes." He swallowed hard again, "Tonight I wanna cry."

His fingers traveled across the black and white keys with ease, like he had done so many times before but this time, his eyes seemed lost.

"I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show and I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control."-He looks over at the sound booth for the first time of the night. The tension in his shoulders and his face released. The veins in his arms and neck, that were always present when he was stressed, vanished. Color returned as a smile started to creep up on his face. His hand goes up over his face, shading the light from his eyes. Through the tears in my eyes and a puddle around me, I smiled back at him. This silly southern boy, has stolen my heart and I didn't want it back.

"I see you." He said into the microphone, exhaling a breathe he dropped his head, smiling from ear to ear. His hands went to the back of his neck as he stretched into the air. Back to the keys in front of him, his fingers spread out over the keys, he doesn't begin to play, he simply finishes the song with just the words, and his voice. "But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes..." He looked over at me one last time, smiling. "Cause, tonight I wanna cry."

The crowd erupted into cheers, clapping and wiping the tears from their own eyes, he took in their compliments for a moment before standing, nodding his head in thanks and exiting the stage.

A single spotlight glimmered down on the piano as my fingers glided over the keys he just played so beautifully. The space had cleared and Justin has disappeared into a back room. Trace stood at the sound board, watching me, making sure I didn't leave. I had no intentions of leaving; it was simply a daunting task in front of me in which I didn't have any idea how it would end up. But I was ready, I was ready to take whatever was about to happen.

The time had finally come.

Making my way through the empty hallways I couldn't stop thinking of the possibilities of what could happen when I did see him. What was I going to say to him? I could I stand there and pour my heart out to him but knowing I had no right to confess anything to a taken man. I had no right even being here, thinking of tell him how I feel. How I felt.

Standing in a dark room, sipping back what looked like a Jack and Coke, he radiated sexiness in his dark jeans and plaid shirt, he didn't need anything else. It was all I needed.

"Hey." I said softly, gaining his attention.

Turning slowly he looks past my swollen eyelids, and directly into my eyes. "Hey."

Slowly I took steps towards him; he took steps closer to me. "That song..." I said as my voice broke.

"Is heart-wrenching..." He added, saying exactly what we were both thinking about those words.

"I was going to say incredible, but that's more the truth." I smiled at him cautiously.

His hand reached out, latching it into mine, pulling me into his comfortable scene. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, gripped tightly he held on for dear life.

"I thought..." he whispers as a deep breathe escapes his lungs on my skin, tightening his grip if possible, as we stood in silence swaying back in forth in the silence. His warm, whiskey filled breathe against my skin was comforting in some weird way. I missed these arms, I missed his grip, I missed him.

I loosened the grip slightly, leaning up on my tippy toes, I whisper in his ear. "You were the only. You were my someday. It has always been you."

"Malia..." Justin says, but I interrupted him finishing what I needed to say, while I had the courage. No matter the outcome, I needed to put these words out loud and clear, all of them. "I need to say this..." I stepped back looking right into those gorgeous blues eyes. "I'm on guard with the rest of the world, but with you..." Staring at the floor, I fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt, "It ain't easy loving me, I know that..." I raised my head, watching and waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. "I can't help it, my heart jumps when you walk into a room. It doesn't seem to matter when there is nothing we can undo. After all that has happened... What I want to say... is everything I forgot to. What I want to say is, there is no me without you. So if it's not too late, I don't want to give you away."

Knowing that I shouldn't have said that to a claimed man, I back stepped slightly, not letting Justin get a word in, I bravely said the one thing I never wanted to say. "Let's don't say goodbye, I hate the way it sounds. I want you to be happy... So if you don't mind, let's just say for now, I'll see you when I see you." Goodbye. "Another place, some other time, maybe someday we will look back and laugh about the silliness we created for ourselves, I just hope that someday is sooner rather than later." Water spilled over my eyelids, rolling down my face as the words all finally escaped my lungs and were out for the world to hear.

"If you're done..." Justin finally broke his silence, "You stubborn, gorgeous woman... I love you." His hand went to my face, wiping the tears with his thumbs. Goosebumps cover every millimeter of skin on my body, a tingly sensation makes the tears roll down the goosebumped covered flesh, a smile filled up the space. "I want you back in my bed, lying next to me as the sun rises and shines through the window, waking us up from a long night of making love. I want your head on my shoulder when you fall asleep watching a movie on the couch, even after you promised you would stay awake... I want your arms and legs, tangled up like lace around my body. I want your warm breathe on my skin and your scent lingering..."

             I cut off his words, pulling him into my body, lifting my hand to touch his face gently, stroking my fingers over his temple. I bit down on my lip in anticipation, before I could make the decision his lips were already on mine. Caressing slowly, he takes my lips on for the first time in what felt like an eternity. My eyes fluttered closed, feeling every emotion we both have felt and was feeling at this moment. When I granted him access to enter my mouth, he took full control showing the emotion he himself, had held in for too long.

Our lips finally parted ways, but our fingers still tied together. "Sarah?" I questioned.

"I'm not with her. That would never happen." He shook his head, "It's you. It's only you. It's always just been you."

I felt my heart begin to melt, but there was something standing in my way. There was something he wasn't going to be too happy about. "There's something else I need to tell you." I couldn't say these words to even myself, how in the world was I going to tell him.

"What's wrong babe." He took his left hand free and pushed the hair out of my face.

I pulled back slightly, I didn't deserve his remorse. "I... I slept with someone."

Justin looked confused and slightly scared. "When?"

"Vegas." I admitted. "... I woke up naked, covered in bruises but I don't remember it. Not that it excuses my actions..." Embarrassed I pulled back further from him. He didn't look surprised or even mad that I had not only hooked up with a random person, but I couldn't remember what the person looked like, how it ended up the way it did. I couldn't even state their name. "I know this may end whatever this was but I had to tell you. I couldn't keep that a secret from you." I lowered my head to look at the ground. It was the only thing I had the right to look at.

"Malia honey..." he placed his hand on my chin, pushing my face up to look at him. "I was with you in Vegas. That guy, was me."

His hands, handing my head still looking deep into my intoxicated eyes, "I'm falling in love with you." He says breathlessly.

"I called you." My eyes lit up.  "And you came to me." No one in my life, loved me enough to come to me when I needed them.

"Of course I did. I got on the first flight to Vegas and came to you."

"I'm sorry..." I admitted.

"I..." he paused, "I thought you were running because of what I said to you."

"You said you were falling in love with me." I smiled.

He nodded his head.

"I had already fallen in love with you." I graciously admitted.

            "I love you. I love you." I said taking his lips onto mine, the blackout blinds covering the view of Vegas lowered as I did to the bed.

He pulled me back into him, looking deep into my joyous eyes, "I love the way you say ain't and you look at me... waiting for me to correct you. I love the way you look at me when you think I don't see you." Justin gushed. "I love that you are annoyed when a manicurist cuts your toe nails too short..." he chuckles, "And there's something about the way you say my name... that drives this country boy insane."

"I love you." I finally expressed, feeling the pressure of the world dissipate around us.

"Now what do we do?" Justin asked. "How do we make this work?"

"Let's start with heading back to your place..." My arms went around his slender waist line, intertwining my fingers on the small of his back, "Climbing into bed, getting a good nights sleep and starting with the rest in the morning."

"I have some other ideas... but the rest sounds amazing..."

I planted a smirk on my face. I had other plans in mind as well.

I joined Justin across the room as he loaded up his things. He had brought his acoustic guitar that never made it to the stage with him.

I bent down to the floor, adjusting the guitar back in its place when my eye caught a photo I had never seen before. I reached for it pulling it from its place. My free hand cupped over my face as the tears began to skate down my flushed cheeks yet again. They were different tears this time. A random, hidden moment was captured.

His long fingers were sprawled across my cheeks, the palms of his hands cupped my chin, his lips on my forehead, his eyes closed, my eyes closed...

My heart began to race as I put myself back in that moment. I have found comfort in his arms, comfort in his lips, comfort in him. I had fallen in love with him time and time again.

The sweetest gesture someone could give, that moment of weakness, that moment of just simply being in the presence and arms of the one you loved, breathing in their scent, and holding on for dear life, was captured to carry on for a lifetime.

            "That's my favorite photo." Justin said as he appeared behind me.

            "Who took this?" I asked slowly as I stood back to eye level with him.

            "Rachel. She gave it to me and didn't ask any questions." He took the photo into his hands. "There was no need to ask questions. It was written on both of our faces."

            "This was... I thought we were alone that day..."

"So did I." He admitted.

"It almost looks like it's an..."I stopped with my words.

"An engagement photo?" Justin asked.

"It's a gorgeous photo." I looked down at the photo again.

"Do you want to be engaged?" Justin asked stopping me from any movement.

"Engaged... to be married?" I asked slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "We both..." I fumbled with my words.

"Breathe Malia... I'm not proposing right now in this moment but is it something you could want?" His hand took mine, lacing our fingers together.

"Someday." I confessed.

"That's valuable information."

He bounced around the room collecting the rest of his things, placing his hand out for me to place into his he says, "Let's go climb in bed together."

So, what do you do when everything you have ever wanted is lying next to you, his legs intertwined with yours, his arms laced perfectly around your waist, and his face buried in the curve of your neck?

You whine.

You whine, because now the real work has to begin. Relationships in general are work, which only makes this relationship twenty times as hard.

And then you stress.

You stress about everything. Life isn't just about my happiness anymore. This other person has wishes, dreams, and feelings that needed catering to.

With all the possible obstacles we were going to be faced with, none of them compared to the amount of time we would be spending apart. It was hard to imagine the endless mornings waking up to a cold, empty bed. The endless days of being thousands of miles away from each other, relying on phone conversations to fill the void of their absence. The endless nights of wishing he was there to crawl up next to, when the depths of the day were too much to bear.

I twisted around inside of his arms, watching every movement his face made. The peaceful look was endearing, and worth everything we were about to go through. It warmed my heart to see him so relaxed, so at ease. The bigger picture was worth more than the painting process.

I wanted to see his face like this every morning. I wanted to feel his presence next to me every night.

I ran my thumb over the curve of his cheekbone, gliding over the stubbles of his beard he hadn't shaved in days. I studied his every move, watching as his eyelashes flickered with my touch. The slight quiver his body would make as my fingers trailed down his neck. I leaned over into his enticing scent, gently placing my lips on his forehead, closing my eyes, taking in everything this moment had to give me.

His arms pulled me against his body, instantly resting my head on his chest. Listening to the beat of his heart racing before it came to a rest, beating slowly and evenly. He was content.

I loved him.

How was that possible?

Somehow, someway, I'd let pieces of my heart fall into his hands. He had taken those pieces and gripped them so tightly in his hands that I felt secure in my choices.

I wanted these arms wrapped around me, just like this, every day.

            "Ugh." Justin complained as I wiggled out of his grip and climbed out of bed. "Where you going?" he mumbled flipping over to lie on his back, stretching out all over the bed.

"Coffee." I said reaching down to pick up his t-shirt, pulling it over my head as I bounced out of the room.

            The back staircase from the master suite led directly into the kitchen. My feet tapped against the chilly wood floor through the enormous kitchen. Up on my tip toes, I sifted through the cupboards, attempting to find some kind of coffee that could awaken these senses. Each cupboard was empty. One single cupboard next to the sink held two black square dinner plates, two crystal drinking glasses, two coffee cups, and a bag of Starbucks coffee

He must never have guests over. I chuckled to myself.

            I placed the lonely two coffee mugs on the counter next to the coffee dripping in the glass globe as I ventured around the enormous kitchen, looking at the gorgeous structure of this home. It was nothing like his home in Los Angeles and nothing like the apartment in New York City. The simplicity of the furniture and artwork on the walls showed a different side of Justin. This Justin was simple and classic.

Lost in the moment, I turned back to see the coffee had finished perking and it was piping hot. I poured my cup to the rim, sipping it slowly as I turned to see a note on the island staring back at me.

Breakfast is in the oven. Have a great day. I love you - Mom

A smiled waved over my face. The relationship that he has with his mother was something rare and could be overpowering for any insecure women, but it was incredible to see the love that they had for each other. They spent so much of their time apart, yet they had the closest relationship anyone could have.

I poured a second cup of coffee, exhaling a deep sigh of relief, running my hands through my hair. I had actually done it. I actually let this incredible man take a hold of my heart. The bad thing, this was just the start. The real work had to now begin. With our schedules and work ethic we are going to be traveling from coast to coast to see each other. The real work is about to begin.

Choices. No one knows the choices they will make with the day in front of them, and how much one choice would change the course of the rest of their life. A simple word from a line you had heard a million times before could change everything today.

No one holds the key to the future.

"There's something about a woman with my t-shirt on, hair in her eyes, and no makeup on, standing there with my coffee cup..." I looked up from my daze out the window above the sink, overlooking the backyard to see Justin's reflection in the glass. He continued to speak as I turned to face him. "There's something about that woman that is just easy to love."

He manages to wipe away all the issues I could think about with just a simple statement. He had that kind of power over all of my emotions. I stood there looking at him, and he was everything I could have ever wanted. I smiled at him just before he whisked my body into his, wrapping his arms around my back, placing his hands just under the hem of his t-shirt, putting his hands amply around his favorite part of my body. "Good morning darling."

"Good morning." I replied, placing my hands around his neck, twirling my fingers into the curls that rested atop his head. "Coffee?" I finally whispered to him.

He nipped the edge of my ear, fluttering his eyelashes against my cheek as he pulled away. The smile on his face seemed permanent. "Yes..."

"Your mother left breakfast in the oven for you." I pointed at the note on the island.

"Of course she did." he chuckled. "I have to have my mama's home cooking when I'm home."

I watched him sip his coffee, his hand wrapped around the hot cup as he starred off into the back yard of the property. This place put him at ease. He didn't have the stress of cameras following him, he didn't have a hundred people standing over him with things he needed to do, and he didn't have to be anyone but himself here.

 "Is this your house?" I asked him, slightly nervous to ask that kind of question to him. I almost felt like I was invading his personal space with such questions. Never thinking the idea of just waking up in his bed, where we had spent most of the night making love, was such a personal space.

"Yes." He answered turning back to look at me, leaning against the counter. "I just bought it. This my first trip home that I have gotten to stay here..."

"It's gorgeous. So peaceful."

"Exactly why I bought it." He smiled at me, "I'd love to spend more time here, rather than Los Angeles..."

"I could see you living here rather than there." I admitted.

"Maybe someday..." he expressed.

He reached his hand out to me, pulling me back into his chest. "I could hold you like this forever."

"I'd like that." Somewhere between his heartbeats I fell even more in love with him. "I'm glad I came..." I finally expressed, dropping my head to his shoulder. It was the best decision I had made thus far.

"Me too..." he kissed my forehead, wrapping his arms in a tight grip around my entire body.

With my head buried into his chest, he asked the question we were both avoiding at all cost. "When do you leave?"

"In a couple hours." I said wishing it weren't true.

The hours went by too quickly and as the car came to a stop, it was my cue to get out but I just sat there. Leaving this time was the hardest of them all. I didn't know when I would see him again, I didn't know if I would get back out there on my own and would be okay without him next to me.

My door opened slowly and he placed his hand out for me to take a hold of it. As my feet hit the ground, it was real. I was leaving him. It was never this difficult to get on a plane and leave Aaron behind. It was a better day when I climbed on the plane and flew miles and miles away from him.

With Justin's head leaning against my forehead, on the pavement outside of that airplane that awaited me, he delivered his most precious words to me. "I hope you know that no matter where you are... I will never be too far away from you. " His warm breathe fluttered down off the bridge of my nose, "When you get the most amazing news, when the crowd of the most amazing fans drops you to your knees with emotion..." He exhaled a deep breath, "And If you're ever feeling down and you need someone around. If you feel like your walls are falling down... If the silence gets too loud..." His hand gripped the back of my head even tighter, caressing his fingers over the music note heart that rested on the back of my neck, "If you just turn around, I'll be right behind you."

We were not only going to make it through this time apart; we were going to go the distance. We were going to grow stronger with each moment we weren't together and explore this love that we had found.

Sometimes things are just meant to be.

A month of happiness...

A month full of tabloid stories.

Happiness doesn't attract attention, scandals make them the money.

Tabloids are cruel.

You're either overjoyed with happiness and ready to walk down the aisle or you are heartbroken, ending a relationship, and involved with someone new too quickly. There's never a clean break. There's always another party involved with the end of a relationship, there's always a scandal in the making.

In my particular case, I was the cheating girlfriend, who reportedly fell in love with my friend/producer and hid the relationship for months. And now I was heartbroken because Justin decided to walk away from me. Justin realized that I would never be faithful and he wouldn't stand next to me and let himself get hurt in the process.

In reality, the only thing I was truly guilty of was falling for someone so quickly after the official split. Granted there were some moments that weren't so innocent on my part but the lies and betrayal that have been written were more fabricated than the truth.

The truth is, we were happy. We were in love.

It truly was a month of happiness.

A lump in my throat slowly made its way down to the pit of my stomach. It was such a horrible feeling seeing headlines of just blatant lies and hurtful words. Sometimes words can mean the world, but sometimes they hurt more than they could ever heal.

BUSTED! Malia was spotted sneaking out to clubs without Justin Timberlake on her arms, again. Maybe Justin should watch her every move. The relationship started with an affair and will end with an affair.

I pulled my hat down further over my face, shielding myself from the others standing in the line. The stories printed on every cover embarrassed every fiber in my body. A stop at a grocery store to purchase snacks shouldn't cause so much pain or worry that someone will know who you are and be put on the spot about daunting questions you didn't want to answer to someone you didn't know.

"You alright?" Ingrid asks, placing her hand over mine.

I nodded my head, exhaling a deep hard breathe as I turned and walked toward the exit of the store. Ingrid reached up to the shelves, dropping a magazine down onto the conveyer belt before joining me at the exit.

"The guy in those photos is..." I finally spoke, back on the bus.

"It doesn't matter who it is." Ingrid interrupted me. "You know the truth. Justin knows the truth." She sympathetically responded.

"I know..." I lowered my head, "But those headlines make me look like I'm cheating... those photos make me continuously look like a horrible person."

"Malia- Justin knows you. He knows the person you are. That isn't going to change with a couple photos of you and someone you work with everyday, walking out of anywhere together." Ingrid reached in her plastic handled bag, dropping a copy of a magazine onto the table in front of me.

Sneaking out of a romantic dinner in New York City hand in hand, Justin and Malia found themselves in a sweet embrace as they waited for their car. Through everything, they simply just look in love and happy to be in each other presence.

A photo plastered across the entire magazine brought a smile to my face. A dark and grainy photo of Justin and I standing in the dark alley, his hands wrapped around my body, with my forehead resting on his heart, listening to the very beat of his being.

Justin had flown into New York City for just the day to see me. It was just another stop on the tour for me, but it was a scheduled trip for him. Our time had turned into a schedule of epic proportions.

"Not all the tabloids are wrong..." Ingrid said smiling from ear to ear.

"I really do love that man."I smiled, "I'm not sure how I managed to snag him but I do love him."

"You both deserve to be happy. And I think the two of you make each other happy..." Ingrid beamed. "I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice..."

"Okay..." I said nervous.

"Stop trying to avoid the press. Stop making it out to be this enormous secret, just let it be what it is."

"I've just wanted to preserve it for as long as I could. It's the one thing that I wanted to keep to just me. It was something I didn't have to be public about."

"You're lives are public now. And unless you walk away from everything that isn't going to change."

She was right, I was aware of that. I didn't want to keep Justin as my big (un-kept) secret but I wanted to hold onto what we have and not let anyone pry into that.

As the day of world-winded emotions began to settle down, I can feel the excitement of the fans roaring through the walls of the area. I was moments from taking the stage. Standing in position I feel the tingles in my hands as they were wrapped around the steel of the microphone. It was the third show of the week, but this one felt like the first show of the tour, or a crowd of an artist that hasn't toured in years. They were ready and I could feel it in every fiber of my body.

The lights and the arena shut off and if possible the crowd became more responsive. The emotion began to get the best of me. This was going to be a crowd that I would never forget. Song by song they empowered my own strength and will power to keep going. They wanted more and I was giving them all I had.

In the darkness I took my place at the black grand piano, resting my fingers along the white keys, waiting for that moment when I knew to start my line. Even in five inch heels, I could sit at that piano and never miss a note.

My fingers started to move along the keys, as the light came up slowly. "Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long..." The words began to painfully release through my vocal cords. "Not matter what I say or do, I still feel you here, till the moment I'm gone."

With each line delivered, the crowd listened intently. They never distanced themselves from the ballad. The hums of their voices sang along.

"Set me free... leave me be... I don't wanna..." Just as I began to sing the first line of the chorus, I began to chock up. The crowd interrupted my words, chiming in and taking over, erupting in song, "...fall in love the moment into your gravity. Here I am, as I stand, so tall. Just the way I'm supposed to be..."

I stood, leaning my head back, taking in that overwhelming feeling of their love. They sang each word in perfect harmony. This was one of those moments that Justin had described to me, but I never thought it would happen. In that moment it dropped me to my knees. With the microphone in hand, I found myself on that stage, reaching for the back of my neck. I gripped the tattoo that had a new meaning for me.  Goosebumps covered my skin, and the warmth of his love flowed through my body. Justin, even thousands of miles away, was there with me. He was right behind me, always with me.

I managed to find the words that belonged there and joined in as they sang along word for word. "But you're on to me and all over me." I found the strength through them yet again to finish the song with even more passion that I had ever done before.

Coming off that stage, I felt like I could take on the world.

I had found the meaning of my life in their gesture.

As I hopped off the bus and through the lobby of the hotel I got to spend a couple minutes on the phone with the one person I wished was with me right now to share this moment with.

I slid open the door of my hotel room, dropping everything in my hands to the table and shut the door behind me. As I rounded the corner, I saw Janelle and Sam both in my room, rising from their seats, both of their faces were laced with stress and worry.

"Hey babe... I gotta go." My words trailed slowly. "Have a safe flight. I'll see you when you get here..." As I turned off the phone, and double checked that I ended the call, I look back at them, still straight worry on their faces.

Knowing whatever the reason they were here wasn't good, I blurted, "What? Just tell me..."

"Malia hunny..." Janelle reached out to take my hand, but I pulled it back quicker than she could respond.

Was it my parents? Did something happen to them? Why else would Janelle be here in Virginia, and not in New York where she belongs?

"Why are you here Janelle?" I turned away from her, "Sam, what is going on?"

"It's Aaron." Sam swallowed hard, "He overdosed... Max found him this morning in his apartment."

My eyes vigorously bounced around the room, not focusing on anything or anyone. "Did he succeed?" I swallowed back the words. The last thing I would want is for his mother to deal with that level of pain. She didn't deserve that for his actions.

"They don't know if he is going to pull through."

"So, explain to me why exactly is this my business? Why are you here? Why did you both fly to Virginia Beach instead of just calling me?"

"Mia..." Janelle heartbreakingly deleivered.

"No, don't Mia me." I snapped. I knew that tone. I knew the way she released my name from her vocals chords, there was something she was about to tell me.

Seeing that Janelle couldn't find the words, Sam took over, "He left a suicide note..."

Still confused I asked again, "How does this involve me?"

Janelle lowered her head as she let loose of the words. "He named you as his reason for ending his life."

 "And..." Sam finally revealed the reason they were standing in her hotel room, thousands of miles from where they were supposed to be. "He emailed the suicide note to TMZ."

Like a title wave, the crash came and the reality of those words and his actions hit like a Tsunami, knocking the wind out of me.

Tossing and turning in the echo of the silence.

I rolled over for the hundredth time in the bed of this hotel room. Last night, it was the most comfortable thing in the world, but today it was like a cement slab with a pillow. Frustrated with myself I climbed out of bed and pulled back the blinds to see the night sky staring back at me. As I watch the waves crashing into the sand, the image of his handwriting on the white sheet of paper was embedded into my brain. His words were taking away from the scenery I loved to see. His actions were taking away from a great moment in my life.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I was at myself. I was letting him do it all over again to me. I was allowing this person to enter into my conscious and make me second guess every choice, every decision I ever made. His words were taking over my thoughts.

"You took everything from me. You might as well finish me off completely."

The hotel door opened slowly as I turn back to see Justin placing his bags quietly on the floor, closing the door easily, preventing any noise. He was trying to not wake me, but he wasn't aware that I was awake.

He turned and glanced across the room. "Hey!" he said rushing across the room. His eyes were filled with tiredness and his curls were flattened by the hat upon his head he must have slept in on the plane.

I wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his scent, feeling his warm embrace, his fingers lightly caressing my back. "Hi." I released.

"Why are you awake?" He asked tightening his grip, running his hands up threw my hair, wrapping his fingers around the strands, pulling ever so gently.

I smiled at him. "I couldn't wait to see you." With him being here, it was sanity in itself. "How was your flight?"`

He kissed my neck pulling me into him, "I hate redeye flights... but I am here with you right now. I missed you."

He released his grip, but I held on tight. I didn't want to let him go. As his lips made their way to mine, I found a way to put my focus on something other than the events of the day before. I didn't want Aaron to control any part of me, I was trying to push it out of my thoughts, but I couldn't. No matter how much I tried, his words, his actions, were affecting me.

I climbed in bed next to Justin, looking at him, examining the man I had fallen so desperately in love with. The man that made me feel like I could take on the world, and he would still be there, right behind me with support. He didn't need to have the attention, the job, or the love of another.

My fingers trailed along his jawline.

All he needed, was me.

He brushed the strands of hair out of my eyes, exposing the dark circles and sleepless orbs. "What's wrong babe? You seem off somewhere else."

I longed for this moment for days... just to be here in his arms, in his presence. And here I was, living it, but not being able to enjoy it. "I had the most amazing moment last night and he managed to take that away with his stupid actions." I finally confessed.

"Who did?" He laced his fingers into mine. "What's wrong babe?"

I lowered my head as I laid out the details. Justin couldn't believe the words, and I couldn't believe I was even saying them, with truth behind them.

"This isn't your fault babe... that was a choice he made. His owns actions."

"He wouldn't be at this state if it weren't for me... I destroyed him."

Justin's voice started to climb and take on a firm voice. "Malia. You cannot control his actions. He has to take the blame of his own actions."

"I've moved on, I'm happy and rubbing it in his face." I felt guilty, "I made..."

Justin interrupted me, "Suicide is selfish. If he chose that route, it's all on him. He can't blame you or anyone else."

He was right and I knew he was but the feeling of being the blame of someone taking their own life was a feeling I couldn't shake.

I snuggled up closer to him and managed to shut the thoughts off long enough to get some rest.

*

Justin was sleeping peacefully and instead of waking him I showered, hoping that it do something for the mood that I was in. Letting the hot water pour down over my skin, I felt the weight of his words seeping into my being rather than be washed away.

"Your actions destroyed my being."

I covered my face with my hands, letting the water run over the tears that had begun to run down my cheeks. In a moment when I felt the empty, Justin finds the way to make me whole again. His hands began a slow and steady move up the sides of my body. His large hands covered as much skin as he possibly could touch. Finally making his hands to my neck, he pulls me into him, taking control of my every emotion, and every piece of control I had left in me. He took it over and showed me how much he loves me.

His lips grazed the side of my ear as he whispered, "Mi Amor."

An eruption of butterflies filled my senses and I gave myself to him, time and time again.

*

"Come...." Justin took my hand and nearly pulling me across the room towards the door. "I wanna take you somewhere."

 "Justin we can't go anywhere together right now... the press is everywhere." I exhaled heavily, "They have been camped outside since the story broke last night..."

Justin dropped the keys into his pocket. "Screw the press. Screw that dickhead of an ex-boyfriend that seems to think he has the upper hand. Come." He takes my hand again and drags me through hallway and onto the elevator. He placed a kiss on my temple, "Trust me."

I closed my eyes, feeling the power in those two tiny little words. I trusted him with everything. "Justin I have sound check in a couple hours... I need -"

"Hush. I will have you back in time." He beamed with happiness just as the elevator door opened, and we were rushing out the hotel lobby and into his rental car.

The twenty minute drive north made me continuously wonder where he was going to end up. He was going off the beaten path. The tourist area in Virginia Beach was typically the only place people seem to visit, after all the reason for going to the beach is to stay close to the ocean and the sand. But here we were driving through a suburb community and finding ways to get away from the ocean. He pulled into the empty driveway, throwing the car in park. A smile waved across his face.

 "Come on!" he opened my door. He took my hand and led me through the yard of someone's house.

"Where are we going?"I asked.

"Trust me." he says. "Just trust me."

            Walking along the pavement, he continued to lead me through someone's front lawn before finally seeing the peacefulness that surrounded us.

"This place is bittersweet for me..." Justin breathed in the air that surrounded him, looking at the view, he turned back to me. "I wrote most of my first solo record right here." He pointed down the wooden dock, "I'd sit for hours, watching the boats come in and out of the docks of the homes... watch the interaction between loved ones..." I knew that he had dealt with a broken heart around the time of recording that album. I could only imagine the pain he was dealing with. He continued, "I let myself pour the heartache out of me and onto a sheet of paper..." he handed me a small notebook with a pen attached to it. "Write down your thoughts. Write down exactly how you feel. Heartbreak is the worst kind of pain. Being let down is the deepest wound. Having your trust broken may never be repaired... write down your every pain. Write away the pain he caused you..."

And just like that I sat in his spot, swinging my legs off the dock of that bay. Pen to paper, I let loose the words that ate at me. The pain, the heartache, the let downs, and the trust. Between the lines, I felt the world lift off of my shoulders. Aaron would no longer have any hold on my heart or my life.

I used to be so strong.

I used to stand so tall.

And then he came into my life and made me some version of happy for a short amount of time.  And when he swallowed and spit me out, I was torn into pieces. I was barely hanging on.

To love again, was a task that seemed impossible. In order to love someone, I had to trust again, I had to let my heart open enough to love. All of which I didn't think was an option.

Somewhere between the heartaches and the let downs, real, unconditional, unstoppable love, changed everything.

I sat for quite some time in silence with Justin on that dock. The man that sat next to me, changed my everything. He was the answers to any and all questions I could ever have about love.

Looking down at the sheet of paper that was empty moments ago, I realize that I had just let go of the anger, the pain, and the heartache. Word after word, melody after melody, the pain I had bottled up was filtered out between the lines on a single notebook sheet of paper.

"How is your heart?" Justin asked, placing his hand on my leg, rubbing back and forth, providing comfort.

"Surprisingly, better than I thought it would be doing." I lowered my head, shaking it with disbelief, "I trusted him with everything I had in me. He betrayed that trust." How can someone want to hurt someone so bad for their own benefits? I thought "He got the one thing he needed from me... he got this bubble of press around him that printed his name..."

A smirk forms on Justin's face. "Well, I'm going to burst his bubble. When you're ready, I'm going to release a statement." The evil little grin on his face made me smile. "I was never going to say anything but week after week the story's he is telling has gone too far. Placing the blame on you for his suicide attempt was too far."

"I want you to release a statement." I admitted. "I want you to clear your name." In that moment a light bulb had turned on. I looked down at the words in front of me. "I have an idea." I figured out a way to clear the air, in my way and leave it at that. I began to divulge the details to Justin, who immediately jumped on board.

"I like your ideas..." He beamed with excitement.

We sat along the docks of that Bay, holding hands like we were teenagers falling in love for the very first time.

I turned and leaned into his space, rested my forehead on his I whispered the words I wanted to say to him.  "Some say love isn't worth the things we went through to get where we are today. But I would go through everything again, all of it, because none of that is worth losing you." I kissed his temple, continuing to whisper to him. "I hope you know how much you've changed my life. It ain't easy, I know th-..." I didn't get to finish my big speech before his lips were on mine, his fingers twisted into the strands of my hair, his heart beating even faster than mine was.

"You might not think so, but loving you is the easiest thing I've done in my life." His lips pressed softly against mine, capturing the feeling of forever. "You're kinda stuck with me..."

"I think I can handle that."

*         

Several hours later in the dark, sold out arena...

I ran off the stage, changing from an enormous ball gown into those William Rast jeans that I have always used as my good luck charm, the very pair I was wearing the day I met Justin. I looked over at him standing next to the stage. He nodded his head, throwing a wink at me as I ran back out to the stage.

It was pitch black and the goosebumps had begun to fill every millimeter of my skin listening to the roar of the fans. In a normal life, the constant screams of people were annoying. To me, it was comfort, it was support at the greatest level.

The spotlight shined down at center stage. I had taken my place on a stool with the microphone stand pointing in my direction. I stared down at the criss-cross effect of the metal on the microphone. That simple piece of equipment projected the sound of my voice to everyone anxiously awaiting what I might say.

I glance up slowly at the sea of faces, the roar of the crowd made me feel at home. Being at home made me want to put things out on the table. I began to speak and the crowd listened intently. "I have been mum on an entire situation..." The crowd cheers again, they knew exactly what I was talking about. "Tonight and only tonight, we are going to change that." With the eruption of applause, I knew they were ready for me to say something as well.

"Relationships are hard." I paused as the applause increased, that was the truth. "And sometimes they are simply not worth the fight anymore. But I won't give him the satisfaction of thinking he was right." The crowd roared. They were on my side. "What I really meant to say, with every breathe I take, is I'm not the only one that made mistakes. If he is listening, and I hope he is, just think of all the mistakes you made... think of what you have done before you start casting stones... So to the guy who thinks he broke my heart. This is for you."

Like an old blues song, I started with just my vocals. The song had so much history that it needed nothing but the lyrics to draw you in. "You're cheatin' heart..." my voice reined. "Will make you weak. You cry and cry. And try to sleep... but sleep won't come, the whole night through." My voice climbed, echoing through the venue. "You're cheatin' heart will tell on you..."

The guitar starts to play a different tune, instead of covering the classic hit, my lyrics started to pour out. "No one ever said it was easy, I don't really like to complain, But if this wall represents your trust, I don't think I'm coming in today. Say what you want to the cameras, Tell them I've lost my mind, And if you're brave enough to claim your love, Lie to them as well. It's alright. I'll take the hit, 'cause I don't mind." My head sways back and forth with joy, singing each word. The light broadened and the crowd finally see's who is playing the guitar. A gasp is heard throughout the entire venue as the smile on Justin's face brightens his entire presence. I chuckled, as the crowd catches on to who it is and laughs with me. "If you get this message read between the lines."

A small guitar solo, leads me to tapping my foot off the side of the chair, taking me back to the moment right before I released my album. The moment in the chair at Ellen, trying to calm myself of what I was about to do, the moment I was focused on those damn short toe nails, the moment that changed my life.

Justin reached over and touched my leg, resting his enormous long fingers and warm palm on my jeans.

I'll never forget that first touch. It was the first of many times that he would do that and make me feel more important than anyone in the world.

Those moments changed the universe and it brought me to happiness.

I look over at Justin, scrunching my nose at him and smiling. He was my happiness.

I tapped my hand off the side of my leg, "If you're so damn clever tell me why I'm free and why, You're still in hiding, It's not about the money, or even about my time, It's just I can't stand for you to think you were right. No one likes a bitch, so read between the lines." The crowd laughed as I continued. "Everybody said you would do it, everybody said I'd cry. I don't mind the salty trail I left, But I'm sick of you always findin' it. So I'll take the hit, but just this time."

It may have taken me longer than I wanted it to and more heartbreak than it should have, but I was happy. Nothing Aaron could say or do could change my career or my heart, unless I let him. And that's never going to happen again.

"Shake their hands, play your part, little white lies never really hurt, everyone watches as it burns..." The crowd screamed, "If you get this message read between the lines, If you're so damn clever tell me why I'm free and why, You're still in hiding, It's not about the money, or even about my time. It's just I can't stand for you to think you were right."

I exhaled the drama-free air, "No one likes a bitch but I don't mind."

And just like that, I set myself free.