Chapter 1

“Frank, we have to go!” I yelled up the stairs at Frankie, he was taking forever and we were already late.

“Wait mama! Just giving out directions!” He called down to me, I smile and rolled my eyes. He was excited this was his first big show in NYC, and I was so proud that he had made it here without to much trouble. He worked hard but you could tell it worked.

Frank was doing music and producing, performing. He loved it all and I was s happy that it worked out for him in Dallas.

“Mari, why do we have to go?” I smiled Ursula did not like the shows; it made her feel like her dad was someone else when all she wanted was for him to be at home.

“To support you daddy, to show him that we love him no matter where he shines.” I said getting down to one knee and buttoning up her jacket. She huffed while Frank flew down the stairs. “You ready now?” I asked playful tossing his fluffy jacket at him.

“Yes.” He stuck his tongue out at me slapping my ass when Ursula turned away. “Oh, Urie, guess who’s coming mama?” He asked locking the door behind us.

“Who?” She huffed again.

“Brianna!” He shouted picking her up and tossing her into the air.

“At least it won’t be boring anymore…” She mumbled pouting.

Frank frowned, he hated to see her like this sulking, but this was his dream and he would provide more for her now for the future he would just deal with whatever came.

We arrived a little late, Frank was rushed off to do small interviews and wardrobe changes. He stopped those around him and came back to me, cupping my cheeks and kissing me softly.

“I’ll be back.” HE whispered, the Colgate drifting out of his mouth while he spoke, I shook my head. The kisses were great, never as intense as… I sighed when he walked away.

“Okay kid, let’s get that jacket off of you.” I said swinging my long black hair to the front and pulling my light jacket off. I heard a gasp not far off behind me but the tattoos on my back tended to give that impression to those who had never seen a back piece so large.

“BRIANNA!” Ursula yelled and took off behind me, I smiled and turned just ask fast. I bumped into someone standing right behind me, I looked up about to apologize… I gasped too.

“Joey?!” I pulled back, glancing at the little girls net to him Ursula looking at us shocked at the confrontation.

“I thought it was you…” He whispered and then reached instinctively to touch my face, I backed off quickly. He stopped just as fast getting a feel for the situation.

“Joey!” Frank’s acknowledgment could have been heard across the room. “Hey, you meet my girl? This is Marisol, Mari this is Joey.” I struggled with myself and then the words flowed before I could stop them.

“Yes… we’ve met.” I looked at him sincerely and he didn’t go any farther. “Although, I wasn’t aware he had a daughter, last time I saw him was at an airport. No baby that time though.” I let out my nervous chuckle and looked at the kids.

“Who wants cookies?” I clapped my hands together, the girls shouted and raised their hands shouting me, me, me! “Great, I’ll let you guys catch up.” I grabbed the girls hands and moved towards the beverage area, I glanced back Joey’s eyes full of emotion, I didn’t look long in fear frank would get the wrong impression.

“20 MINUTES!” The producer shouted, Frank was practicing the girls were huddled on the floor in the dressing room with their crayons and cookies. I snuck off to grab a smoke, Joey had been following me since Frank had left him alone, I moved swiftly. This was nothing I wanted to do here.

I stood out in the alley downwind from the cracked door, I could hear the hustle and bustle of the interior through the small crack. I turned to see a roadie walking out to a Ryder van pulling out more equipment. I waved as he saw me while he was going outside, I turned and watched the cars moved down the packed street.

“That’s bad for you, you know.” The husky voice was farmilar at once, I dropped the square shaking my head. I turned to leave. “Wait, please?” He asked stopping me, we were blocked by the darkness of the alley but I could still see his face in the small dim lights that were scattered through the alley.

“Frank’s waiting.” I shook my head trying to get past him, that’s when he grabbed me. The force was unexpected and thrilling, he pushed me against the wall and attacked my lips, the shock did not diminish the yearn I had for this man. I was set free in that moment and all I heard was him, moaning and groaning against me pushing me against the wall positioning himself  between my legs.

“Marisol?” I knew that voice, Josslyn. I pushed and shoved Joey away falling to my knees and getting up just as fast.

“Sorry girl lost my lighter under the dumpster.” I walked quickly hoping Joey would stay behind; I pushed her into the building fast leaving no room for questions. The music started and I rushed to take my jacket off and make it to my seat. Joey appeared seconds later in his seat between me and Josslyn. His face was flush and I could see the veins swell in his neck.

Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do
Do I live my life with you as my wife
Or do I go on and pursue my lifetime dream
I gotta do this for me
Cuz if I don't I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope

[Chorus:]
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live...how do I deal without you

It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cause I chose
To be in this industry
Money, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life that I was given
So I have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime without you

That was it, I jumped up out of my seat, rushing away. I couldn’t take it anymore. The feelings I thought I had let go of were here.

A seat away.

Staring at me.

He followed on the other side matching my steps in the aisle. I rushed out; I scanned the room for the lobby. I would have to cross him to get there but I was fairly sure he would let me pass.

“MARISOL!” Josslyn shouted when she saw me, she was caught in the triangle while Joey stared at me going into the bathroom, he gaze so intent he wanted to follow. I closed the door to a stall and sat on the floor hyperventilating. “Was that him?” She asked tapping on the door. I groaned wanting to throw up everything I had eaten today.

“Yeah, that’s him.” I pulled the door open. “What am I supposed to do? He cornered me in the alley… it was just like it used to be. Surprise, hot, tingly.” I sighed looking at her. “What am I supposed to do? They’re friends!” I threw myself at her. I knew this moment would have happened but I didn’t count on now, 6 years had gone by, he was different, older, so was I. The time felt like it had healed all the wounds, now I knew really that I just hid them, scared of them, I loved him and then I let him get away.

“Well, first. Get off the floor. Be a lady. Second, you go home. I’ll get Urie home and I’ll explain it to Frank. Third, think. Cause there’s more here than you let on.” She wiped my mascara off and looked at me. “I’ll distract him, it’ll be you maybe a minute, move you ass.” She smiled at me, I shook my head prepared to make a dash for it.

I opened the door and eyed him stand erect, he watched me again, didn’t make a move but watched. I looked away and made it outside into the fall coolness catching the first cab that stopped in front of me. There was a pounding on the metal next to me and I saw him again, I sighed and slid into the cab.

Better in the cab then in front of Frank.

We sat in silence.

I had no words for him; I twiddled my thumbs and played with a loose string on my pants.

“Where too?” The cabbie asked through the small hole in the partition. I looked at him, wanting to give my address but I wasn’t sure I wanted Joey to know where I lived… alone. Frank was great, but so much time I had spent alone I needed my own space.

“101 West End Ave.” I said leaning forward; I looked over at Joey.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” He asked softly.

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” I countered. He looked at me for the first time.

“You were at the airport…” He paused slowly. “I thought it was you.”

I didn’t bother to look at him, I had been so angry, for so long.

“Of course I was there, where else would I be? After Johnny forced me to leave-“

He cut me off then.

“Forced? He said that he saw you leave…” He stopped again slowly.

“Oh yeah, he saw me leave… saw to it that 2 big ass nigga’s, made sure I left. Got me to the airport and did all but go with me to Dallas.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I thought you left because you didn’t want to be with me.” My mouth popped open and I gawked at him. So little faith he had in me, the time we spent together had really meant nothing to him. He got a girl pregnant not even 6 months after I had left.

“Stop here.” I said throwing a 20 through the window.

“But we’re not even close to the address.” The cabbie said pulling over.

“I’ll do better walking.” I opened the door and quickly got out slamming the door behind me. I could hear the clicks from my boots hit the pavement. A jacket wrapped around me in the next second and I threw it off.

“STOP!” I looked at him, my eyes wide with anger. “Get. Away. From. Me.” I said each word slowly.

“No… why did you not come to me?” He asked again.

“WHY DID YOU NOT WAIT FOR ME?!” I yelled throwing my hands up at him. For that he had no words. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” I said turning to walk away. He stood in front of me.

“I’m sorry, I can’t begin to apologize… please don’t walk away from me.” He looked solemn when he said that, my heart ache for a second.

“I can’t, you had a baby. A baby. I thought we would have had baby’s… I thought you would have waited for me… like I waited for you.” I looked at his eyes this time and I could see he was stumped. “I waited… those 6 months. I tried calling. I tried sending letters, e-mail’s everything came back return to sender. I thought that if you saw me at JFK you would know that I never really left. I thought we were stronger. 6 months was nothing compared to the lifetime I had pictured with you.” I started to shake my head and couldn’t look him in the eyes now. “Then you’re there… with this bitch and you grabbing onto her like she was your lifeline. Rubbing her belly… I knew then like I know now. We were never as good as I thought we were.” I stood for a second and he said nothing, which was my cue to turn and walk away.

“I want to have babies with you.” He said loudly, a few people gawked at him as they walked past him. It was my turn to be stumped; I stopped but didn’t look back. “I’ve missed you, being with Kim, Bri’s mama, it wasn’t the same. Not like with you, I need a chance please, at least let me redeem myself. Dinner maybe lunch?” He put it out there slowly. “We’ll just try… friends if anything.” He offered again.

“I’m with Frank.” I whispered, he grabbed my hand.

“Please?” I looked at him now, his eyes were… darker than usual, I wasn’t sure what I saw in them. I shook my head and let his hand go.

“Fine, just keep it friendly.” I walked to the corner and hailed another cab.

“Your number?”

I looked at him again, a wave of anger flashed through my veins. “It never changed.” I slid into the cab closing the door behind me.

Chapter 3

~*~1 month later~*~

“Listen to me Frank; I’m not going to continue this game you have built up. There is absolutely nothing going on, but no, that’s not enough for you. Now you have people follow me, follow me! That sounds stupid when you say it out loud.” I walked away from Joss and let her roam free in the Prada store. Personally, not my style but the shoes are always awesome.

Frank rattled on and on, that’s when I saw him.

Tony.

I’ve been seeing him everywhere I went these days. He was invading my dreams; he was standing on street corners, on platforms while I took the train. He was everywhere, every time I looked back or something rushed in front of him he would be gone in the next second. It felt like movie clips, like I was putting him there in my own mind.

It was slowly driving me insane, Frank wouldn’t let up.

Joey this and Joey that. He just didn’t want to really get that it was okay, and if he would just get off the gas, we would be, okay. As okay, as okay could be.

Joey changed a lot; it was hard not to float to him, not to float to the happiness that came from every part of his body. He was just so happy to see me sometimes. It felt good to have someone want me like that. I know Frank wanted me, but it wasn’t like Joey.

Joey’s had always been genuine and was reciprocated; Frank’s was genuine and accepted it wasn’t the same.

“FRANK!” I shouted, few stopped and looked at me. I shook my head clearing my mind. “I got to go Joss; I’ll just talk to you later.” I grabbed my bag and walked out the glass doors of Prada. “Listen to me Frank; it’s not going to work. It’s not going to work.” I said stopping and emphasizing the words. “All this time, I’ve been trying to think about us and how it’s going to work with Joey being around. Well guess what? I’m not going to fight that feeling anymore. Joey’s… he’s the one I want. Right, now. Not you. Bye Frank.” I sighed and closed the phone. I looked up into the sky and the day had got to a little dark, a small cool breeze swished passed, the city didn’t stop but it felt like I should be at home…

In his arms, talking, wrestling, laying down, and enjoying the feel of his warmth just wrap around me.

I made up my mind; I would just show up at his house.

He’d been bugging me for weeks to stop by, at least that would be my rationalization. I waved down a cab, I looked up as it stopped to touch the curb, and I ignored him this time as I caught a glimpse of him as I got into the taxi.

Tony was not going to distract me now.

~*~Joey’s front door~*~

I looked around the stoop. This apartment thing was different; I had to ring a bell.

Duh, Mari.

I pressed the buzzer before I could lose my nerve.

“Yo!” His voice was pleasant and peppy.

“Hey… it’s me, Mari.” I held onto the doorway while the buzzing from the lock on the door sounded.

“Come on up.” His voice was a little rushed but I could tell he was jittery. I smiled and made my way into the building, there was only on stair case and it lead upstairs.

“HEY! I’m so happy you’re here!” He grabbed me into a hug before I hit the last stair.

“Hey!” I struggled to get the words out; he set me down gently and eyed me up and down.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He seemed to be taking and inventory of me and was satisfied when he didn’t see anything wrong.

“I just… I need you to do something for me Joe? Please?” I asked setting my bag on the ground, I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached for my pants. “Take the sexual part out of it Joe. Just hold me please?” I didn’t wait for him to answer as I pulled off my pants.

I walked past him holding onto his fingers and pulled him to his big, comfy looking black couch. I pushed him onto the couch and straddled his legs.

He swallowed deeply. “I think it’s better-better to keep my pants on… I-I just… I’m a little…” He rambled but slowly came to a stop as he focused on something else; I saw the wheels turning in his head while he tried to think unsexy thoughts.

“I understand, I’m sure it’s not easy. I feel the same way, I get near you baby and it’s like fire.” I reached for the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up slowly. He stopped me before I could pull it over my chest.

“Wait, I got to say something, I know there’s something I’m supposed to say… Frank. Frank!” I held the shirt over my chest.

“There has just been you. I think you know that better than me.” I swallowed the lump again and pulled off my shirt, his gaze went immediately elsewhere and made no attempt to touch me. “Please Joe…” I reached for his shirt and he grabbed my hand before I could pull it up.

“Don’t do this to me; I’m not ready for this. I can’t have you take it away.” The thoughts rolled in my head while I held my ground. I wasn’t going to leave; I didn’t want to leave, to be with Frank in that, fast moving relationship.

I held my breasts in my arm while I moved to undo the strap on my back, he watched me this time. I moved slowly, at least that’s how it felt, slowly I unwound my arms from the straps tossing the bra aside.

“I’m sorry it took so long.” I whispered and reached for his shirt again, this time he shot up and pulled it off, he leaned back against the couch; the thong underwear seemed smaller now that I was naked on top of him, his arms wrapped around me and he sighed too.

It was natural, it was… safe.

The way his hands caressed my back, my body, my face. He was admiring me without even looking.

This was home.

Chapter 4

~*~3 weeks later~*~

“Okay, all your stuff is packed. Towel, script, I know how you like to take a shower at the gym before you come home so I packed deodorant and an extra set of clothes. I’ll be downtown with Joss, if you need anything extra let me know.” I mumbled and moved around stopping even now and then to make sure I had packed it all.

I looked at him while he played with his thumbs on the edge of the bed. I stopped, sat next to him. “What’s wrong?” I asked softly.

He sat for a minute longer before he answered me. “I just want you to go with me.” He whispered, I couldn’t help but sigh.

“Joe, listen. Steven, he’s not going to be happy to see me, I know it’s just some party but... you he-he doesn’t like me.” I stared at the floor, he didn’t say anything I looked at him and moved slowly to stand in front of him. He reached out and pulled me close to him, pulling my legs up on the side of his thighs. He laid his head on my breasts and inhaled my cool water mixed cucumber melon scent.

“I don’t know... it just feels like I’m missing something,” He whispered, I hugged his head and looked behind him. His lips tenderly kissed the top of my chest, grazing his tongue and lips up my neck.

He held me closer when he felt the shiver run through my body, I gasped slightly in his ear when he bit down softly on my neck under my ear. I chuckled when he fell back onto the bed; he managed to swing around so he was on top of me. I lay on the bed under him and stared up, his eyes bore into mine, and the gaze would have made me feel uncomfortable with Frank. With Joey it just seemed natural, he looked into my eyes and it was like he could see forever.

He pursed his lips. “Close your eyes.” He sat straight and shuffled around. “Come on… close your eyes.” I smiled; he looked more excited now then he had a minute ago.

I smiled and grabbed a pillow and covered my eyes. “Gotcha.” I laid there chuckling to myself. I could feel him move off the bed and then a drawer closed. “Joey… we don’t have time for the handcuffs right now. You know that takes us longer than the 30 minutes you have before you leave.” He was such a freak and that made me so happy. We could be so uninhibited with each other and not be afraid of the rejection to any idea.

“First off, if I wanted to play with the handcuffs, I would be able too. You’re not going to say no, are you?” He asked grabbing my nipple in his hand roughly, the jolt sent a tingle to the core of my body, and my breathing sped up as he waited for his answer. “Right?” He asked again, pinching my nipple tighter. I licked my lips and could feel a smile cross them.

“Right papi.” I answered in the tone he loved. He took my hands gently and pushed the pillow off my face, he sat on his knees next to me.

“Mari…” He said softly staring at my hands.

What is he doing…

“Yes Joey.” The words came out slowly, in the back of my head I could hear bells, but I wasn’t sure why.

He didn’t say anything while he looked at me; the gaze was powerful, yet scary. He looked so determined; in a flash I felt the cool quick motion on my left hand… on my ring finger. I tensed up, but didn’t break his gaze.

“I need you to marry me, I don’t want to live without you and I’m afraid that if I leave without you there’s a chance you might not be here when I get back. I know what you’re going to say that you’re not going to leave, that you will be here. I get all that, but I still want you to be by my side always… I want you to be my wife.”

A lump stopped in the back of my throat, my eyes grew big and my hands clenched. The cool band around my finger shifted and moved with me. This was the first time I looked at it, just a glance. It was all I needed to start the water works, it was a simple band etched with flowers, and hearts and it looked to be music notes. On the top there was a big diamond, bigger then I had seen… ever. It sparkled even with no light, it felt heavy but it didn’t feel wrong.

“Be my wife.” The words came out so slow, the meaning so layered with love. He knew the answer I know he did; he just needed to hear me say it. “Be my wife.” He whispered in my ear while he kissed it. I swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled at him.

“I-I… we just… and-and- but I do- I…I…” The words were coming to fast and I could feel it drowning me. I shook my head yes.

“Oh yeah, I’m totally going to be late now.” He said throwing his body on top of mine and attacking my lips.

Chapter 5

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” Joss asked; she wouldn’t let up. She was excited, but I sensed she didn’t want to say something.

“What is on your mind Joss? You’re my maid-of-honor and your acting like a stick in the mud now what is it?” I huffed into the phone. I could hear the silence and knew she was debating on if she wanted to hurt my feelings or just get it out.

“Listen, I know you guys are in love. I get that, but so soon? You guys have just gotten back together less than a month ago. I’m just worried you’re rushing into this.” She held her breath.

I considered what she had said and thought my answer out carefully before I replied.

“He’s been gone for 6 years, when he’s around it’s like he never left. The holiday’s are coming up we’re going to tell his family, me and him, Joey, we’re sure about each other… and I think that this time it’s not a mistake. If Tony was here, I’d say yes… you’re right. It’s too soon, we just started again… yada yada yada, but with Tony gone I know I have to seize the moments in my life, it’s not rational, it’s not safe for the heart, but it just feels so right. It feels like we’ve been here forever. I need you to trust me. I love him and I love you and I want you to get on board.”

“Okay, well I’m meeting with a few caterers this week. I think we should go with a surf and turf kind of thing… damn, Marc’s home let me call you back tomorrow.” I chuckled quickly and said my good-bye’s.

I laid in bed the rain had slowed up, I threw the wedding magazine’s on the floor and turned to lay down. Joey would be calling me later he had told the guys and they had called him out on an impromptu bachelor party.

The dreamless sleep took over quickly…

“I miss you Mari… I love you mami.” The words woke me slowly. It was like I could feel him touch me, his warm breath against my lips. The ciggerate smoke mixed with the cherry Jolly Rancher’s he loved so much. “You’re so beautiful…” The voice trickled past my ear while my body responded to the hands that roamed freely.

I sighed deeply when his hands reached between my legs, the warmth his body laid against me.

“Tony…” It was so low; it was like the word barely came out.

“Si mi amor…” I could feel myself pull out of the dream, and the warmth slipped away quickly, the hand vanished, I opened my eyes and it was all gone.

I could feel the tears well up slowly. I hated this dream, it’d he happening a lot move lately. Tony would come and hold me and invade my dreams, just for me to wake up alone. It ripped at my heart and I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried into the pillow freely.

“I thought you loved me… how could you torment me so much.”

BANG!

I stopped quickly, holding back everything. Seconds went by and nothing happened, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and slipped out of the bed slowly.

BANG!

I gasped, I heard that this time. I grabbed one of Joey’s long shirts and threw it over my underwear covered body. I grabbed the cell phone, but at some point the lights had gone out and there was no power.

I heard footsteps on the top landing and I ran into the closet and closed the door behind me. I started to hyperventilate; I held my forehead to my knees and prayed that I was just dreaming.

“FREEZE! GET YOUR HANDS UP!” I sat up quickly when I saw a man shining a light at me and I could quickly make out the tip of a gun.

“Oh my god!” I raised my hands, my eyes wide open.

“Get up!” He grabbed my hand forced me up.

“You don’t understand sir my fi-“ I couldn’t get it out anymore while I was surrounded by a group of men.

“SHUT IT! We’ve heard all about you. Is this her Mr. Fatone?” I gasped to myself. Mr. Fatone? I looked in the directions they were looking and saw Steven standing in the doorway.

“Yes officers; that’s her.” Heat filled my cheeks in an instant.

“WHAT DID YOU DO!?” I started to get up and was immediately met with an electrified feeling, I screamed while it surged through my body and then I blacked out.

“Ma’am, can you hear me?” I felt slapping against my cheek and coolness blowing against my uncovered legs.

I tried to move my hands and felt the cool steel around my wrists, I struggled with the surroundings, I wasn’t sure where I was and I felt really disoriented.

“Ma’am we’re transporting you to the hospital. You passed out after you were tasered, they want to ensure you’re all right before the booking process starts. Do you need us to call someone?” The EMT slipped the IV into my arm and then it hit.

“Joseph Fatone. He’s my fiancé.” I whispered my eyes scanned the crowd that was huddled around the front of the gate and saw that face again. I shook my head and looked into the ambulance I sat in, while the officer closed the doors in front of me.

Tony.

~*~The next day~*~

I sighed walking around the cell for the 30th time. The blue booties on my feet were slipping off, I had no pants on, I hadn’t eaten since I got into this god forsaken building. I just prayed that Joss got my message, no one answered and this collect call thing didn’t work for cell phones.

“Marisol Garcia!” I looked at the door while it opened. “You made bail.” I walked out of the holding cell and down the hall into the main lobby of the jail house I was in.

I walked into the lobby and saw tons of different people, I scanned the crowd to see one I knew, but none came into view. I made my way towards the exit, it was cold outside but I wanted to be out of the jail setting.

“MARI!” I heard a voice over the crowd and saw the familiar red tipped brown hair.

“JOEY!” I cried running into his arms. The tears started to flow as soon as he touched me. “Oh my god, Steven came into the house with the cops and- oh my god it was horrible. Thank you for bailing me out. I had no clothes, no money… what? Why are you looking at me like that?” I backed up away from him.

“Bailed you out? Mari, I just got here…” I shook my head it didn’t matter I just wanted to get out of here; I would thank whoever did it later.

Chapter 6

“They are going to love you. Just like I love you.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. We sat outside his mother’s house until I was ready to go. I shook my head and finally unlatched my seat belt.

“But Steven...” I said stepping out onto the pavement from his big truck. I closed the door only to reach back and try to open it again, but he beat me to the auto door lock this time. “Fine…” I mumbled and met him in front of the truck. He held my hand as we walked up the walkway.

“DADDY!” Brianna yelled rushing out the door and into his arms.

“CUPCAKE! How are you baby?” He scooped Brianna up in his arms, I smiled and glanced up the walkway to the front door and saw Kim disappear into the house.

Yeah, it’s going to be fine… great… lies all lies.

I trailed behind him into the house, I slipped the coat off and stood against the wall and could feel the heat well up in my cheeks.  It was suddenly really hot and all I wanted to do was just go outside and wait for him.

“MOM! Come here!” Joey grabbed my hand and dropped my coat on the pile that gathered on the bench in the front. “Mom, come here I want you to meet someone.” I held his hand tightly, swallowing the lump in my throat and he stood there, proud smile on his face his right hand covering my ring.

“Joey!” Phyllis threw her arms around him and pulled him closer to her, he held my hand but wrapped his arm around her waist to pick her up. “Oh! Stop, put me down.” She laughed and the warmth of it filled the house. She finally looked at me and her face looked just like Joey’s, it was like happiness exuded 24/7. I smiled and reached out with my right hand, she bypassed me and gave me a hug.

“I have heard so much about you.” She smiled and I watched her make the quick glance to my left hand, she didn’t say anything and kept smiling. “Come on let’s go into the kitchen, I want to know all about you two.” She guided us into the kids and shooed away the kids that were hungry and had gathered around the stove to pick at whatever was ready.

It was like when we were kids, and our only biggest worry was if we could get to stay up late.

“So?” She asked her hands on her chest and the smile was broad.

“I asked her… she said yes.” He moved his hand; she looked at my finger and grabbed his hand.

“Baby, I’m so happy for you. You, I know we just met but Joey’s been going on about you for years. I’m so glad fate somehow saw that you two met again.” I could see the red rims around her eyes; it was so odd, so familiar. The same look Tony’s mother gave me…

No! Joey… Tony’s gone, you have a good future.

“Thank you.” I whispered, she backed away and I saw she sensed something.

“Go check on Brianna; give me sometime to get to know my new daughter in law.” She waited while Joe kissed me and then shooed him out of the kitchen.

“So I’ve heard about Tony, I need to tell you, I think you two really helped each other. He was really ready to be with Jessica and when she passed it was unexpected and he couldn’t cope but he found what he needed in you, and his daughter. Kim has her issues, but as long as my Joseph is happy, I’m happy, you’re going to be welcomed honey, relax.” She patted my hand and I could feel the heat lifting slowly, I felt optimistic for the first time.

We started carrying plates an bowls full of food while the family gathered around the table, I sat next to Joey who sat closest to his father I assume to tell everyone at the table at once, that we were getting married.

“No! I wanna sit next to daddy.” Brianna stomped her foot.

“No baby, there’s no room.” I saw her glare at me but she said nothing.

“Come on baby, you can sit with me.” Joey waved his hand and she bounded her way down to him and jumped into his lap. I smiled while she shared her crayons with me.

“All right let’s bow our heads and give thanks.” His father sat at the head of the table and bowed his head.

BANG!

Everyone looked up.

“Hey! Did you guys start already? Lessie went home instead-“ Steven stopped short, Lance trailed behind him and shot Joey an apologetic look while he slipped out of his jacket. I glance at Joey and could see the veins starting to stand up on his neck. “Oh it’s her.” I looked at Kim who sneered at me.

“Steven.” Phyllis said sternly and shot him a look that would have stopped me.

“No, sorry, mom. I’ll just sit down here.” He pulled a chair up to the table and sat next to Kim.

Joey’s dad looked around and bowed his head again, the prayer was said but no one spoke while the food was passed around the table.

“Mari, what’s that?” Brianna touched my finger lightly over the stone and stared at it.

“I wanted to wait for a better time… but I guess now is as good as any. I have- me and Marisol have decided to get married. We’re engaged.” I heard the gasp from Kim and heard Steven mumble.

“Better get a pre-nup Joe, don’t know where she’s going to go next.” Steven said with a mouthful of potatoes reaching for the bread.

“Brianna, go upstairs. Kids you too.” Joey said nodding towards the kids table that sat off to the side of the group. The kids shot up and ran out of the room.

“We’re not doing this, you came out of habit but no one invited you, I had today planned and your ruining it.” Joey stood up and pointed at Steven. The heat came back in my cheeks and without knowing it I came to be the center of attention in a bad way.

“I should go.” I backed away from the table. Joey shot me a serious look.

“No baby don’t go.” He reached for me but I backed away from him.

“No, babe. It’s fine, thank you so much for the invitation.” I stopped up and he reached for me again. I backed off again this time he was startled, I wasn’t one to back away from him twice. “I’ll see you at home… please don’t make me stay.”

“Yeah man. Don’t make her stay.” Steven sneered at the end of the table the look made me want to jump over the table. I backed away and could hear Joey start to yell at Steven. I walked out of the house with my jacket in hand. I slipped the jacket over my arms and walked down the walkway quickly. I stopped at the end to light a cigarette but continued to move after that. I looked up to see a car starting; the black Lincoln lurched forward but stopped slowly.

I walked swiftly it seemed like the right thing to do, something was drawing me towards the car. It rushed to the end of the block and turned around to face me. I stood on the curb and watched the car that faced me, I could see through the window and it looked like…

No…

I backed away from the curb and my mouth dropped open.

I am insane…

I turned around while the car took off down the road passed me I could swear it was Tony driving.

Chapter 7

“Stop playing Marcos. I know it’s soon but it’s going to be fine… still I think your making a bigger deal out of it then it needs to be.” I opened the back-door of the SUV I had illegally parked on the side of the apartment. I just really wanted to get the food in the door and avoid the long haul from the parking structure down the block.

“No, listen. You come or you don’t. Tony’s been gone for years and I’m finally ready to move on and I think its right. I don’t know why you’re getting booty tight, I know you guys were family but… you’re making it seem like Tony’s still here. He’s not Marcos; we gotta realize that, if not you then me. Listen do you, I gotta go, I gotta get the food in the house.” I threw the head-set into my purse.

If he was going to call back, he was going to get the voicemail.

“Ma’am? Do you have a moment?” A strange voice boomed behind me.

 I stopped and turned to acknowledge the man clearly speaking to me. I took in their appearance first and I could tell from the black and blue suits that they were clearly in law enforcement.

“Listen man, I’ll move my car.” I laughed and waited for them to join in but they didn’t.

“Marisol Garcia?” My eyes popped open when he said my name.

“What?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

“We need to speak to you about your brother.” My mouth dropped open.

“Why… you know where he is.” I turned my back on him then, I started to gather the bags and then he spoke again.

“Listen, that’s the thing ma’am… we don’t know where he is.” I stopped this time; I turned and sat on the bumper crossing my legs and then my arms over my chest again. I looked at him intently and I’m sure he was accessing my reaction in his head.

“Okay, now there’s a story behind this… I want to hear it. I want to know who you are and why exactly you are on my street right now.” I waited for his response, this time he looked at the guy behind him who shook his head.

“We should really take this inside.” He motioned toward the door this was the first time I saw Joey.

“Baby.” I stood up immediately and made my way to him. “Hey, listen grab the bags of food and I’m going to park the car.” I stood next to him while he leaned down and kissed my cheek.

“Is everything okay?” His eyes scanned the men in the suits and then looked at me.

“I-listen please just get the food, I’m going to park the car and then when I come back I’m going to fill you in. We gotta get this stuff done first.” I held my breath because it started to sink in.

Manuel was not in jail… my stomach curled and I had to hold onto Joey for balance he grabbed me this time.

“No. I’m going to get you in the house. These guys, they are waiting ‘til I come back before they go in the house.” I didn’t want to argue this time, I did want to give up and give myself a minute to steady.

“Ma’am, please?” The white man in the blue suit who had been speaking to me took a couple of steps closer to me and Joe.

“No sir. I’m sorry; she’s not going to be alone with. This is my house I don’t know who you are but you’re not allowed in there until I get back. She’s going to go into the house to wait for me, you” Joey pointed to the men while he pushed me behind him “are going to stay here until I get back.” He said it so firmly the men just shook their heads and backed away a few steps.

I turned and walked up into the doorway and then up the stairs. I pulled off my boots and threw them aside my mind was blank while I went through the motions of removing my jacket and then plopped on the couch.

He’s not in jail… why wouldn’t he be in jail? He killed Tony, I saw him kill Tony. It just didn’t make any sense, I saw him being taken away… I saw Manuel get in the car. Obviously I didn’t go to the trial, but they said it was open and shut it was so air tight… and now he’s just… out.

The door slammed downstairs and I could hear the foot steps of the men as the climbed up the stairs.

“Babe?” Joey asked as he reached the landing, saw me on the couch, the smile of relief came over him and came to sit next to me while the men filed into the living room, Joey motioned for them to sit on the couch the directly faced the light blue couch I sat on.

The men nodded and sat glancing at each other the whole way. It was odd; it was like communication of sorts. Like they knew what each other were thinking and acknowledging it. It was intriguing to me; it must have been developed from years on the job with the same partner.

“Sir, do you mind?” The white man asked. I looked at the man sitting in front of me, he was clearly Latino, the shaved head and pale complexion threw me off outside.

“Baby?” I looked at Joey as soon as he said the word, he tilted his head and I assumed he was wondering if he should leave.

“No, he’s my fiancé. If something’s going on I’m not going to hide it from him.” I squeezed his hand and watched as the white man looked at the Latino man.

“Okay… well like we were telling your fiancé ma’am we’re with the FBI, my name is Agent Travis Reynolds, this is Agent Jose Jimenez. As I told you before we are unsure of the whereabouts of your brother, it’s complicated…” He stopped slowly and looked at the Latino man.

“Mira, tu hermano nunca fey para la pinta.” My eyes gaped open as I heard him tell me that Manuel had never been to prison.

“What is going on? What are you not fucking telling me?” I sat up straight, glaring at Agent Travis.

“Listen your brother was into drug trafficking… heavily.  When your brother was taken away after killing your husband” I felt Joey’s hand tighten when he said husband. “He was detained in witness protection because he wasn’t going- we felt he would not be safe in the prison environment.” I read through that.

“You mean he wasn’t going to do you any good if he ended up dead by being a snitch.” I smirked while they chuckled at me.

“Yes ma’am, that’s one way to put it. We understand that it’s premature of us to be here but your brother… he moves… fast by the time we get there he’s usually gone. You see he’s been heading east and we last got word he was in Rochester, we think he’s coming to you. We think he’s going to make contact.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Contact? Please. He was up to something.

“Well if it makes you feel any better I haven’t seen him no contact has been made.” I shuffled to my feet. “I don’t like this, I’ll take your card and I’ll call you if something happens but I’m not ready for this I’d like you to leave.” I tilted my head towards the door as I walked out and into the hallway.

I walked quickly into the bedroom and pulled a box down from the closet. I traced the lid for a moment before I opened it. I grabbed the notebook and didn’t look at the contents afraid to bring back old memories. I wrote down everything that happened the night Tony died in my notebook. I hadn’t read the diary in years; I clutched it as I made my way into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

I sat on the floor and opened it up going through the pages of the last year of my life with Tony.

Chapter 8

~Diary entry~

z88;

I held the diary close; I closed my eyes trying to hold back the tears and the emotion I felt.

“Mari?” His voice was so clear, it was my beacon. I wiped the water that held onto the rims of my eyes.

“Yeah, give me one second.” I cleared my throat and stood up. I pulled the door open and walked into the room to find him sitting on the bed with my box in his hand.

“I was wondering when this was going to come out…” I pursed my lips and knew then that he knew. He always knew. Never judged, just knew.

“Yeah, it’s just… you know.” He looked at me, holding my gaze then gave me the same lopsided smile that made me happy.

“Yes baby, I know. I get it. You’re keepsakes. I just didn’t think you’d wait so long to tell me. Not that I looked mama, just always curious.” He said tracing the lid of the box with his finger. I stepped towards him and reached out to him, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to his body. I could feel his lips on my head and neck, the brushing of his beard was ticklish but I couldn’t pull away.

“Sometimes, it’s like- I want to get past the hard rough exterior you have going and then, sometimes your so open… and trusting I see it in your eyes when you look at me. Like you know it’s right. I love you, no matter what happens in this life I want you to know that. There are no hardships that are to big that would send me away.” He kissed my ear.

“I love you too; you know you have my heart.” I whispered.

“Like you have mine… now didn’t you say something about cakes… and liens…” He shuddered before he said the last word. “…and centerpieces.” I laughed loudly at his martyred expression.

“You don’t have too, I’m sure it will be boring beyond compare.” I giggled when he growled in my ear and swung me into the soft confines of the bed.

“Never have to do anything I don’t want to do, you know that.” His lips went up my neck and towards my right ear; I sighed and moved my hands above my head pushing the box its confines and the diary to the floor.

~*~later that night~*~

“Girl, he’s crazy.” Joss laughed as she applied a thin layer of sparkly lip gloss. My head swirled it felt numb, the cocktails at dinner on top of the cocktails I had when I came in the door had me feeling light hearted. Everything from this morning was not all but forgotten.

“Damn, I left my phone. You want to go with me?” She held onto the handled the music booming through the floor.

“Please… I remembered my phone. I am not going to stand outside in the cold just for the valet.” I shook my head and pulled the door for her.

Marc stood outside the door and pointed me towards the men’s room. I shook my head and turned to read the text message I had just gotten from the caterer.

“WE’LL BE BACK!” I heard Joss yell into my ear. I shook my head without as much as giving her a glance. I re-read what was in the message because the words seemed to jumble the liquor was winding its way through my body and making me slow in my reactions. I shivered when I felt his hot breath on my neck, I put my head on his chest and smiled lightly, I moved to turn but he didn’t let me.

He grabbed my phone and pulled it out of my hands while he wrapped an arm around my waist pushing me into a deeper, darker corner. I smiled to myself, I love this side of him, and this was a game we could both understand.

Once we were into still darkness, with the music booming and vibrating through the floor he lifted me up off the ground, pressing me to the wall. His lips went up my neck, sucking in certain spots that… raised my body heat; it burned in the pit of my stomach. I felt him press his body to me using that to support my weight he groped my body and then his lips found mine.

It was so urgent and hard, his beard tickled my cheeks while his hand found its way between my legs. I gasped pulling off his lips. It was so odd, so… familiar yet different. I couldn’t see clearly but I felt for his face, I ran my fingertips across his lips and cheeks. His hands moved freely and in a second were around me at once, hugging me to his body.

The hug was urgent, strong, and even in its smallest gesture was full of passion as his hands rubbed my back, grabbed my ass and then finally ended up tangled up in my hair. I flicked my tongue across his ear. I’m sure he could hear the sigh of contentment. “I love you, papi.” His arms gripped me tighter and then slowly set me down on the ground.

Suddenly, it got dark and it seemed like I had lost my balance. I could feel my body slump back and go limp. The last real thing I remembered was wondering how that many cocktails made me so tired… woozy. Then I blacked out.

Chapter 9

My mouth was dry and tasted like cigarettes.

My head hurt, and my body was sore.

I crawled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. I shrieked slightly when I saw my raccoon eyes and hair was a mess.

“Babe?” I heard Joey yell from somewhere in the house. I cleared my throat and shrugged it off waiting for him; he would find me sooner or later. I heard the door to the room open and heard his footsteps at the door. “You okay?” He tapped on the door. I pulled the door open and his smile was huge.

“My head hurts.” I said sticking my lip out in a pout. He pulled me into his arms and held me close.

“I got some Excedrin and some toast on the counter when you’re ready.” I shook my head and held him tight.

“Let me just brush my teeth and I’ll be right down.” I said kissing his cheek lightly. I walked back into the bathroom and began my morning ritual. “Oh babe, can you get my phone?” I put the toothbrush in my mouth.

He stuck his head back in the bathroom. “I don’t have it… maybe you lost it last night when you passed out, maybe that bouncer who found you might have seen it. We’ll go back to the club today and see if they have it. Don’t hold your breath though, people aren’t honest like that.” My brows frowned and I was so sure he had taken it, maybe he was right. Must have just been a drunken dream.

~*~Afternoon~*~

“God, I know I must have missed 2 appointments today for the wedding. I hate not having my phone I feel so out of touch.” I mumbled to myself as I dug through my bag for the car keys. I glanced up and gazed across the street. That’s when I saw him.

For the first real time I saw Manuel, he leaned against a wall and puffed on what looked to be a cigar. I sighed and tossed my bag into the front seat; I pressed the button on the Mercedes laser key and locked the doors as I started to walk across the street. I pushed the sunglasses on top of my head and stood 10 feet away from him.

He stared at me but didn’t say anything while he stood straight.

“It’s good to see you, you look great.” He said after a minute of staring at me.

“They came looking for you; you have to get out of town.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down.

“Yeah, I know. I saw, I see everything…” He trailed off. “Here.” He handed me my cell phone.

“How did you get this?” I asked taking it from him and turning it on.

“I see everything mama, I’ve been keeping up with you. Congratulations. Getting married huh? I thought you were so in love with Tony. Love of my life, all that bullshit.” I felt my eyes shrink and the taste was sour in my mouth.

“I loved him, you saw to that…” I turned and walked away.

“Wait, stop. I’m sorry. I ain’t mean it like that; I don’t want us to end out like this… I miss you. Where’s the love?” He asked opening his arms wide.

“It died… the day you shot Tony, that was the day you burned your bridge with me. You know how much he meant to me. How much I loved him and how- you know what? I don’t have anytime for this… as you know, I’m getting married. I need to work on my wedding and not you. Leave us alone, you are not welcomed in any part of my life.” With that I left him on the sidewalk.

~*~2 weeks later~*~

“Can’t we just elope?” Joey asked while I fitted him for his tux. AGAIN. I laughed and tapped his dick through his pants.

“We are going to show the world we love each other, together, in front of our friend’s and family. They need to know we made the right choice for ourselves, in front of them and God.” I smiled when he didn’t reply. “How did you gain so much weight? A month ago these pants were falling off of you… this is going to be the last adjustment until the wedding. Hear? I am not making anymore adjustments.” I added standing up; I looked at him while he dipped down and kissed me on the lips.

“You’re going to get me healthy lady.” He said getting down off the chair and then wrapped his arm around my waist and pulling me against his stomach.

“Good, that’s more years I get with you.” I said in a plain tone, trying hard to hide my excitement. It was amazing the things that happen in life. I was so lucky to have found Tony, only to lose him. Find my way back through so much pain and be so lucky as to find Joey.

I knew it was right. It was natural. Like breathing, we fit and the fact that I found another love was amazing. I was going to get married, and though Brianna was already a daughter to me in many ways, I would be able to have my own baby. Big, glowing, and blissfully happy, I imagined myself pregnant, closing my eyes as he rocked us slowly around the living room, humming softly in my ear while his fingers played with my engagement ring.

“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” I could hear the smile on his face, and saw it while he slowly spun me around to face him. My cheeks flushed a deep red and then it couldn’t be hidden, the huge smile was plastered on his face.

“You are. I’m not even going to lie… I’ve dreamt about it too. Thought about what our kids would look like, if they would be more like me… goofy and happy, or like you collected and amazing. I think…” I watched as he swallowed deeply. “I think maybe you’re right, no. No, sorry not think. I know you’re right. I want to have another baby. I want to have a football team, and I want to have them with you. Married or not.” He moved his eyebrows up and down.

I giggled but threw my arms around his neck; he lifted me off the ground as I wrapped my legs around his waist while he moved to move to the couch.

The door buzzed. We both glanced at the clock, it was almost two-thirty in the morning I looked at him and he shrugged. He set me down on the ground as I started for the stairs going down not even bothering with the intercom.

“Who is it baby?” Joey asked before I the landing and started to look out the peephole, custom made, it was about a foot lower then the small sliding door with a latch, I could open it but I couldn’t see out, his idea of a joke.

“Wait.” I giggled as I looked through the peephole, I gasped.

Man this is now a total boundary issue.

“Babe?” Joey dipped his head over the railing.

“Joe… listen. I- something happened a couple of weeks ago. I thought I took care of it… but- look-“ I sighed deeply while Manuel pounded on the door.

“MARISOL!” I shook my head, looking up as Joe made his way down the stairs.

“What’s going on?” He asked when he met me at the bottom. I sighed again; He wasn’t going to leave since he toughed it out and came here.

“Don’t get mad, but Manuel is here.” I looked at the ground and shook my head. He pushed me behind him while he opened the door not bothering to look out the small sliding door.

Joey scoffed and moved back slowly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He pulled the door open and looked at me. “We’ve met… this is the bouncer from the club.” Joey said standing between him and I.

“I have to talk to her, and I know you want to hear what I got to say.” He said holding up a legal size envelope.

“5 minutes.” I said walking up the stairs towards living room. I went and stood on the other side of the room, furniture between us was best, in case he said something that got to me.

“I know that the last time, it didn’t go well, this is serious though. I just-I just don’t know how to tell you.” My brows frowned.

“4 minutes.”

“Here.” He threw the envelope on the closest couch to me. I picked it up and pulled at the strings that held it close. It was thick but not overflowing. “It’s not all of it, I just, man I just couldn’t bring it all. It’s a lot.” I was confused and pulled out a stack, I watched as glossies of myself in daily life played out in pictures.

Pictures of me at Tony’s funeral, me, getting all of my tattoos, the first day I met Joey, the first day I met Frank… it was insane to see myself in pictures with other people. It was so candid, and was starting to creep me out, but I couldn’t stop looking, me and Joey going home, holding hands, laughing, kissing. He had invaded my privacy.

“What? What is this?” I asked, I looked up but he didn’t say anything and then nodded at the envelope. I put the pictures aside, looking into the envelope I pulled out another thick stack of papers.

“Get out! GET OUT! TAKE THIS SHIT WITH YOU! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY FROM HERE?! YOU’RE SICK!” I said while I threw the papers, letter’s and pictures in his face. “TAKE IT! DON’T EVER COME BACK!?” I yelled turning my back on him, but I couldn’t help it the blood flushed up my face.

I turned and ran at him; Joey grabbed me mid-flight over the couch.

“I HATE YOU! GET OUT!” I picked up the magazines from the coffee table and threw them at him that moved him; the bridal magazines were thick and heavy.

I heard the hard footsteps go down the stairs, Joey let me go and I slumped to the ground putting my head between my knees. I could tell he didn’t know what to do, what had happened but he held me anyway. The door slammed and footsteps came back up the stairs, I ignored them. Joey would get it for me this time. He would make Manuel leave.

“Who are you?” He asked surprised, I looked at him and then in the direction he looked towards.

My breath was blown away. My jaw dropped. I stood up slowly. I could feel another rush of emotion, new… and old it ripped my heart completely in two.

“Tony.” I sighed out into the room.

Chapter 10

I struggled to breathe while I made my way to Tony; I stood a foot away, my mouth still hung down.

“Marisol.” He said softly eyeing Joey who stared at us.

His features were much less defined, he looked a little plumpy, had grown a full goatee and beard, but he was there.

All six foot-five of him, I moved slowly to him, moving around him in a circle. He didn’t say anything; he looked like he knew this would happen…

Of course he knew this would happen…

I held out my hand, it shook I watched it tremble when I finally touched him. I heard the gasp but couldn’t feel my body move.

I have to make sure he’s real, to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

“Oh… my… god…” I could feel him look at me but I wasn’t ready to look into those big brown eyes. He extended his arms and acted on instinct. After years we fell back into the same pattern.

I would give him a once over when he would come home from “work” with Manuel. Look over every part while I got him ready for his bath. If I noticed anything out of place I’d kiss it and pay special attention to that part.

Nothing though, more tattoos but the same scars, moles, freckles. My eyes felt like they were going to overflow, I was going to cry anyway, so I took it upon myself to look into his face. I found wrinkles, scars, and new piercings… then his eyes. My heart skipped a beat and I knew he was home. I saw the same look I saw for years, his hand stroked my cheek and I closed my eyes and stood silent.

“Amor…” He whispered. I lost it then, throwing my arms around his neck, he grabbed me then and hugged me close. I felt like he would crush me but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t dead; he could have whatever he wanted- no.

Joey…

I pulled back away from him scrambling to get away from Tony’s arms, it was where I thought I wanted to be… but then, Joey, I pushed off more.

“Let go.” He opened his arms at once, I looked at Joe and I could see the tears that would not fall, the heartache he wouldn’t show, all the things that I did see… anger was not one of them.

I continued to cry, a fresh batch just for Joey. How could I do that…?

“Baby… you have to understand.” I reached out to him, he backed away from me. “Please… Joe please.” I felt my body tremble from the sobs that shook me as I reached for him and he backed away. My heart broke, I stared at him not prepared for his second retreat, I didn’t want to push but I wanted to hold him, to show him I loved him… but we just weren’t expecting this.

Our lives suddenly got too crowded.

“How can I compete with that?” His voice was even but I heard the thickness, the pain cut deep.

“You don’t have to compete…” I reached for him again.

“What are you saying, Mari? You’re trying to tell me that this doesn’t change anything? That because he’s here, nothing is going to change? Our plans... The wedding is in 3 weeks and this is not going to stop that? He rose from the dead, Marisol. This changes everything.” His words were valid and I knew they were true.

“But I love you.” I grabbed his arm this time, he looked at me and I saw a couple of tears slip from his eyes. He knew I loved him, he knew this was not in the plan. “I didn’t know…” Stephen’s words echoed in my head now more then ever. I didn’t want to prove him right. I loved Joey.

“I know.” He said pulling my hand off his arm, my eyes blurred and I turned and ran.

Fight or flight.

“You’re stupid man.” Tony said following after me, but I beat him down the stairs and into the street. “MARISOL!” He yelled, I didn’t listen but ran across the street happy that there was no traffic this late.

I ran, I circled around and remembered the spare key under the Mercedes. I had cash, my own debit card and car keys. I ran past the attendant and up the circular ramp to the third floor.

I threw myself on the ground and grabbed the key, throwing the hide-a-key container away. I rushed into the driver seat grabbing my steering wheel, I hugged it and could feel my body convulse, surprise, shock, to much, but it wouldn’t stop the pain that remained.

Tony’s lies. Joey’s rejection.

Who do you trust when it feels like theirs no one there?

I didn’t hear the door open but I saw the lights flash on; I looked around and saw Tony slide into the backseat. It tore at my heart some more and I had to scream, I had to do something.

I reached back and slapped him across his left cheek; he swallowed deeply but didn’t move.

He just sat there.

“WHY!?” I yelled slapping him again, I balled my fists up and started hitting him, he flinched and held his hands up, in some defensive way but he left himself partially open to my blows. “IT’S BEEN ALMOST 10 YEARS!! A DECADE! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?”I could feel myself choke up. “You said you loved me, you said you’d never leave…”  He grabbed my hands pulling me halfway out of the front seat.

“I had too.” He said calmly looking me in the face. His answer was so plain and common, like it was any other day. “I had too, it wasn’t safe anymore. You weren’t safe anymore; it had to go down like that. I couldn’t let something happen to you. You are my life.” The anger left as quickly as it came.

“I don’t understand…” I said through the sniffles.

“I was never going to leave you…” The driver side door opened, I looked over and saw Manuel duck his head down.

“Is this your car?” He asked eyeing the navigation system, stereo, the custom speaker systems; guaranteed to be heard 5 blocks away. I shook my head yes and he laughed loudly.

 “God girl, you took a piece of Cali with you. Move bitch.” He slapped my ass pushing me over the middle into the backseat. Tony pulled me over slowly hugging my body to his. I could feel the tug in my heart to be with him and once in the backseat I didn’t fight it anymore.