"Will you marry me?"

The words played over and over again in her mind as she studied the ring he'd presented her with. She couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. She still wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it had really happened. Part of her was still waiting to wake up and see that it was all a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. It had really happened and he'd really asked her to marry him. He'd gotten down on one knee and pulled out the most beautiful ring she had ever seen and made the big gesture, the one she thought she'd never get to experience herself. It had shocked her to no end.

She'd wanted to say yes with all of her heart, but there was a big part of her that wanted to hold off, that wanted to ask if he was serious. Her heart couldn't handle any more pain. That was why she told him she had to think about it. He'd looked ready to cry, but he'd nodded his head and said that he understood and that she could take as much time as she needed.

It would be nice for the children to have a constant father figure in their lives instead of just on occasion, but to marry someone was a huge deal because it meant forever. She didn't take marriage lightly and to her it did mean forever, marriages just didn't last any more and she didn't want to be part of the divorce rate.

April 9th, 2009
Los Angeles, CA

"Mommy, is he here yet?" asked an excited little girl with blonde hair, never taking her eyes off the window she was looking through.

"No, baby, he's running a few minutes late. Why don't you come over here and play with your brother. I think he can already tell you're going without him."

Danielle's brother Oliver was Nancy's son whom Shelby had adopted when the younger girl decided not to keep him. Shelby couldn't stand the little baby being given to strangers so she took him in willingly and she'd adopted him along with Gracie, the other girl she had custody of.

Shelby swallowed thickly trying to remain strong for her children. This was the first Easter that she wouldn't be celebrating with her youngest daughter Danielle. Two years ago--a month after she left the tour with Justin--she broke the news that he was Danielle's father.

He'd been very upset at first, but after about six months he'd come around and started talking to her again. Shelby had continued to to drop Danielle off at Justin's house at Lynn's request where Shelby had assumed Justin saw them too.

Today was also the first day that Justin himself was coming to pick her up. It was just a little tough for her. Really it shouldn't be, because she'd went without Danielle before, but for some reason today was hard on her.

"You're going to be okay," Kit said putting his arm around her. He'd never met Justin before, but Shelby had explained her situation with the singer up front. Shelby was a, one of a kind, special young woman that he didn't want to let get away.

"I am really thankful that you came today. I needed the support. I'm normally fine, but--ugh I don't know." Shelby sighed throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Don't worry about it, honey," he said squeezing her tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'll be quiet."

Kit opened his mouth to reply when the doorbell rang causing Shelby to jump.

"Is that daddy?" Danielle asked running to the door.

"Danielle-Nicole get back here, daddy doesn't usually ring the doorbell." Shelby said getting up to open the door before her over zealous daughter could.

It was Justin on the other side of the door to Shelby's dismay, but she was proud of herself for her heart not jumping when she saw him.

"Can I come in?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah, sure, sorry." Shelby mentally shook her head and stood back to let him in. She looked at Kit who had just shut his phone and looked back at her apologetically.

"That was work, I have to go in early. Sorry babe," he said coming to stand in front of her.

"I understand. Call me later though okay?" Shelby smiled her bravest hoping it would be enough.

"You bet. Come here." Kit pulled her into his arms and held her tightly for a moment before kissing her on the lips.

"Bye Kit." Danielle said from her fathers arms.

"See you in a few days Squirt," he said giving her his biggest smile.

Justin watched as Shelby walked Kit to the door wondering who he was. Justin hadn't been aware that she had a boyfriend and for some reason the thought didn't sit well with him.

"How are you daddy?" Danielle asked interrupting his thoughts.

"I'm good pumpkin, how are you?" Justin answered smiling at his daughter.

It was still some what of a shock to him that he had a five almost six year old daughter. He'd been upset with Shelby when she'd first told him about Danielle, but after a few months and countless conversations with his mother--whom he later found out had known about her grandchild long before he had--he'd realized that Shelby had a reason for not telling him.

First, he had basically abandoned her after they'd first broke up and second when they did speak again while on tour with her band he had told her numerous times that he wasn't ready for kids.

"Daddy? Did you hear me?" Danielle asked a second time.

"No, pumpkin, I spaced out. What did you say?"

"I asked if Oliver and Grace could come. I want to dye eggs with them." Danielle asked.

"Shelby felt all the blood leave her face. She hadn't been alone in years and she would greatly miss them if they left.

"Danielle, maybe daddy doesn't want to take them. You know what I told you about them." Shelby cautioned as gently as she could.

"I know mommy, they have a different daddy. But my daddy is fun, I just wanted to share him with them." Danielle explained to her mother. "Please, daddy, can we take them?"

"If it's all right with your mother I don't have a problem with it. It should be interesting with all three of you." Justin agreed hoping he wasn't stepping on any toes by agreeing to it.

Shelby wanted with all her heart to say no but she just couldn't do that to Danielle. She had been looking forward to spending time with her father for days and all she could talk about was dyeing easter eggs.

"Yeah, that's okay," Shelby answered. "I just have to pack their suitcases then."

Justin watched Shelby get up and walk into the living room to get down a short hallway that he assumed led to the kids' room. He put Danielle on the floor and told her to play with her brother and sister while he went to talk to her mother.

"Shelby are you sure it's okay that I take the kids? You seem upset." Justin asked watching her put together Gracie's toys.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," came the shaky reply.

Shelby didn't want Justin to see how much this was affecting her as she packed Gracie's things. If he wanted to take all three kids with him that would be okay. It should impress her that he wanted to take the two children that weren't his. A lot of children had absent parents who didn't want anything to do with their children.

"Shelby," Justin said gently grabbing her arm to turn her around so that she faced him. "Are you really okay with this? Because I won't take them with me if it's going to hurt you."

Shelby looked up into the eyes of man who was once the love of her life and tried not to get lost in his eyes or in the warmth of his touch. She would be strong and not fall into his trap again. By all that was holy he was not going to get close enough to hurt her again. She took a step back and reassured him that she was fine and was going to be fine.

"Tell you what, why don't they come with me and then on Saturday you can come paint eggs or whatever and then stay over night and have dinner with us on Sunday. I know my mom would love to have you over, she asks about you all the time." Justin suggested praying she'd say yes so he could spend more time with her.

"Only if Kristopher can come with me." Shelby answered.

"Kristopher?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, Kristopher, also known as Kit. The guy who was just here and left."

"Oh, yeah I guess that would be okay." Justin said nodding reluctantly.

"Then we'll just come over in the morning on Saturday?" Shelby asked moving to Oliver's room to pack his things.

"Sounds good, do you need any help with any of this?" Justin asked referring to the clothes she was packing.

"No, I think I'll be good. I just have to finish packing Oliver's bag. He's potty training so you have to make sure you work with him every day."

Justin stared at her blankly and wondered if he was ready for the big responsibility he was taking on for the weekend.

"It's not that hard, Justin. I'm sure Lynn will be more than happy to help you. Basically you have to put him in underwear in the morning and then make sure he sits on the toilet every half an hour or so. He has to get potty trained as soon as possible. There was a kid at the day care I used to work at that was almost four and he still wasn't potty trained yet. It gets harder the older they get." Shelby answered zipping up his suitcase.

“Oh, right I'm sure it'll be fine. So this is all the stuff they'll need?” Justin asked of the gym bag turned suitcase he'd just handed her.

“Yeah, that should be all.” Shelby nodded.

“Okay,” Justin nodded unsure of what else to say.

Shelby cursed the awkward silence that had established itself among them and tried to think of something to say. This was the first time in a long time that they'd really been alone together and for the life of her she didn't know what to say.

If it was like old times she would have had a ton of things to say, but when everything had ended after the tour she found herself at a loss for words. They had lived two completely separate lives when they'd moved on and had only saw each other at award shows and the few times Justin had actually come to pick up Danielle himself.

She turned to leave the room and went back down the hall to get the kids ready to leave. She assumed Justin would follow so she just walked out without him.

Justin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It shouldn't be this difficult to be alone with her, he thought to himself.

“Daddy?” Danielle asked giving him something to distract his thoughts with.

“What's up pumpkin?” he responded moving to the living room.

“Can we go now? I can't wait to see grandma.” She smiled showing the dimples in her cheeks.

“Sure, we just have to finish getting your siblings ready.” Justin smiled at her warmly.

Shelby went out to the garage to get Oliver's car seat and took it out to Justin's car. She opened the outside door to the garage and struggled with the bulky seat when suddenly the burden was taken from her.

Justin took the seat from Shelby and put it in the back of his car on the opposite door of Danielle's booster seat. He buckled it in properly and wondered if Grace was able to sit in the front seat, if not there wouldn't be enough room in his car.

He voiced his concerns to Shelby who was standing behind him on the sidewalk. She reassured him that Grace was old enough and tall enough to sit in the front seat without a booster. Normally she would sit in the back with the others, but with the given circumstances it would be all right if she sat up front.

Shelby helped Justin load everything into his car then stood on the curb and watched as he drove away with all three of her children. She sat on the steps with her hands on her upraised knees and sighed, it was pathetic that she missed them already. She sat there thinking for a few minutes then got up and proceeded to walk inside.

She went over to sit on the couch and closed her eyes. It was way too quiet in the house for her liking. She was used to children running around and all the noises that they made. It was going to be a long few days.

She grabbed her phone and dialed Kit's number hoping that he would pick up. She was disappointed when she only got his voice mail but shrugged it off because she knew he was at work. She dialed another number knowing he would pick up.

“Hello, my life sucks.”

“Ryan, your life does not suck.” Shelby said with a faint smile in her voice.

“I know, I just wanted to answer my phone like that. I just finished watching She's the Man, my apologies.”

“That's okay, everyone has their guilty pleasures. So what are you doing?” Shelby asked.

“Nothing at the moment. Is everything all right? Did Danielle go with her father?”

“Yeah, they just left. She talked him into taking the other two as well. Claimed she couldn't dye eggs without them. I'm just a little lonely now and Kit's at work.”

“Did you want me to come over?”

“I would like that a lot, but I think I need to be alone for a while. I might go downstairs and try working a song.” Shelby answered with a shrug.

"Oh, do you need any help? You know I'd come over in a heartbeat."

"Actually Ryan, I feel like I need to be alone for a bit. Give me like an hour before you come over okay?"

"That's fine, I am in the middle of something that will take a bit longer. So I'll see you in an hour or so?" Ryan asked confirming the time. They agreed on when Ryan would come over and that if, for some reason, he couldn't make it he would call.

Shelby grabbed her journal along with a pen and went downstairs into her makeshift studio where she shut the door and turned on the light. She sat on the small sofa inside the spacious room and opened her journal and began to write.

She threw herself and her feelings into what she was writing. She wasn't thinking about what she was writing she just let her hand flow across the page and pull out what was deep inside her heart. She looked it over and was amazed at how it turned out, disgusted with herself for having those thoughts, but pleased with the results none the less.

Shelby went over to the keyboard and started messing with a melody when she heard the door open behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Geez Ryan, you scared the crap out of me." Shelby exclaimed putting a hand over her now rapidly beating heart.

"I'm sorry. I rang the doorbell like ten times, but when you didn't answer I knew you had to be down here. The door was unlocked so I just let myself in." Ryan answered sitting next to her on the piano bench

"I thought I said be here in an hour." Shelby said looking at her best friend.

"Shelby it's been nearly two hours." Ryan answered with a cheeky grin.

Shelby opened her mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything. She'd been so into her writing that she didn't realize that two hours had flown right by.

"So is this what you've been working on this whole time?" Ryan nodded to the journal sitting on the piano.

"Yeah. It just came out, I didn't think I just let it flow from the heart and this is what I came up with." Shelby shrugged not knowing what else to say. She couldn't defend the story that was told in the song she could only sit there quietly while he read it.

"That's really good Shelby. You have got to put this on the album. We still have time to record one more song before it gets published. This is perfect." he said with all seriousness.

"I don't know if I can Ry, it's very personal. I don't know if I can, especially not now."

They worked on the arrangement for the next few hours when Kit came in the room just as they were calling it good. He asked what they were working on and they played him the song; Shelby on the keyboard with Ryan on acoustic guitar.

"That song is amazing. Very heartfelt, are you putting it on your album?" Kit asked from his spot on the couch.

"No. I don't think so." Shelby answered sitting next to him.

"Why, that song is raw with passion. Even though it's a slow song you could totally pull it off, even as a single."

"Okay, I'll think about it, but please don't pressure me." Shelby said curling up against Kit's body. "What are you doing this weekend?" She asked changing the subject.

"Spending it with you, I'm sure. Why?" He asked, putting his arm around her pulling her closer.

"We're going to Justin's.".

"Why?" Kit wondered, confused as to why she'd want to go to her ex's house.

"Because I want to spend easter with my kids and Justin has them. Lynn will be there the whole time so it won't be just us and him. Please Kristopher?" she said calling him by his first name. "I don't want to do this alone."

"Of course I'll go with you. It'll probably really awkward, but if that's what you want, then I'll do it."

April 11, 2009
Two Days Later

Shelby awoke Saturday morning with a feeling of unease burning in the pit of her stomach. Today was the day she would be spending the entire day at Justin's house, but not only that; she was also spending the night. Lynn had called the previous night to make sure she was still coming, according to Lynn, Danielle and the kids were excited to spend the entire weekend with the both of them.

The worst part of the weekend for Shelby was going to be spending so much time with Justin. She was quite sure that she didn't have any lingering feelings for him other than friendship, but things were going to be different. They would be spending the day together with their daughter for the first time ever. It was something she'd always imagined, but never thought would come true. What would it be like to see Justin with their daughter, she always knew he'd make a good father.

Sitting up in bed, Shelby looked at the sleeping form next to her and smiled. He was such a contrast from Justin. Although she was attracted to him, and he often spent the night at her house, they'd never actually slept together. In the few months they'd been together, there had been times when they could have had sex, but for some reason it just didn't feel right to Shelby. She wanted to wait until it finally felt right, so it wouldn't ruin things between them. She touched his bare chest with a gentle hand and spoke in a quiet voice.

"Kit, wake up."

The older man in the bed next to her just grunted and continued to sleep. Shelby repeated the process until he finally opened his green eyes and looked at her.

“Time to get up,” Shelby told him.

Kit shook his head and pulled her back down to lay next to him with her head on his chest. “I don’t want to get up yet, I just want to lay here with you.”

“Well I guess we can wait a few more minutes.” Shelby said with a smile. She snuggled closer to him and inhaled deeply.

“What time do you have to leave?” Kit asked.

“What do you mean me? You are coming too, aren’t you?” Shelby asked lifting her head to look at him.

“I have to work. I thought I told you that.” Kit answered.

“You were supposed to be off today. You promised.” Shelby answered trying not to let her disappointment show.

“I know, honey, but I am the manager I have to be there when a band as big as The Used is playing. I know I’m letting you down, but I have no choice. I don’t trust Levi with this big of a responsibility yet.”

“You are going to come tomorrow, though, right?”

“Yeah, I will be there before dinner tomorrow.” Kit promised, knowing she was disappointed.

“Well, do whatever you have to I guess.”

Shelby sat up and stared straight ahead while her mind processed this turn of events. She would be spending the entire day with Justin. She hoped that Lynn would also be there all day so it wouldn’t be so awkward. Danielle had the tendency to speak her mind and if what she said at home was any indication of what she’d say around her father, then she may end up embarrassed.

“You aren’t mad at me are you?” Kit asked putting a hand on her lower back.

“No, I’m not. I understand that you have to work. I’m just glad you can at least come tomorrow.” Shelby said with a somewhat forced smile.

Getting out of bed with a sigh, Shelby knew she only had an hour before she needed to be at Justin’s so getting ready was important. She went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the long day. After her twenty minute shower, she packed a small over night bag with everything she'd need for her stay. She also a packed a few more things for Oliver and Grace just in case something had come up. She didn't pack anything extra for Danielle, because she knew that Justin had had clothes and things from previous visits.

~*~

"daddy, is mommy coming?" Danielle asked Justin who was getting the little girl dressed.

"I'm not sure Punkin, I haven't talked to her since we left your house. I think she is though."

"I hope she is. I miss her and I want her help to dye eggs." Danielle told him.

"I hope she comes too, honey," Justin said with sincerity.

Justin did hope that Shelby was still coming. It had been a long time since they had been in the same place together for more than a few minutes at a time. The last time they had actually talked was when she had dismissed him after the U.S. tour had ended nearly two years ago.

That was a day he'd like to forget. Shelby had finally admitted that she loved him still, but he'd foolishly let her go again. Unfortunately it was in the past, and there was nothing he could do about it except move on.

"When is grandma coming back?" Grace asked him interrupting his thoughts.

"As soon as she gets done with her grocery shopping. She is picking up the eggs and the dye you know," Justin answered.

"Then we have to cook the eggs so they don't break." Danielle informed him.

"I know that, darlin', but thank you for telling me. Do you two want to watch a movie while we wait for mommy?" Justin asked the question to them both.

"I'm hungry, daddy," Danielle answered standing up.

"Me too," Grace said nodding in agreement

"Okay, let's go get some food." Justin stood up and led the girls out to the hallway then sent them toward the kitchen before going to check on Oliver, who was still sleeping in Justin's room.

"I'll be right there," Justin said calling after them. He walked the short distance down the hall to his room and quietly opened the door.

Justin found the little boy standing in his play pen holding his dirty diaper in one hand and laughing. Unfortunately for both of them the diaper that he was waving around contained poop which was now covering the little guy and all of his bedding.

"Poop," Oliver said handing him the diaper.

"I see that, bud." Justin couldn't help but smile at the sight the little boy made. "Should we get you cleaned up?"

Justin grabbed Oliver's dirty blankets first, then took the boy's shirt off and went downstairs to throw them in the washing machine. After he got the load started, he quickly went back upstairs to his room to grab the child. He picked up the little man while cringing at the smell and took him out of the room. He took Oliver with him down to the kitchen to check on the girls and get them their cereal.

"Ew." Grace said when she saw Justin carrying her soiled brother.

"I know. I'll get your cereal then you have to sit here and eat it while I give this guy a hose down. Grace, help your sister if she needs it."

Justin got the cereal down from the cupboard followed by four bowls and the milk from the refrigerator. He then took Oliver into the bathroom and set him in the bathtub. Justin grimaced when he saw the poop now on his own clothing.

"I think it'll be easier if I just take a shower with you, what do you say buddy?"

Justin took his own clothes off and threw them in a dirty basket in the corner of the room and turned on the water. He adjusted the temperature so it was the appropriate degree of warmth before picking up Oliver. He stepped under the spray and proceeded to wash the poop off of Oliver. Justin loved showering the with little boy. He'd always imagined how it would be to have a son of his own and Oliver had instantly warmed his heart. He thought of Danielle and Shelby and was saddened that he'd missed probably the most precious years of her life. Now that he was in her life, however, he wasn't going anywhere.

They got out of the shower and Justin on some jeans before putting a diaper on Oliver. He was carrying him into the kitchen to check on the girls when someone knocked on the door. He saw Danielle jump up and start to run down the stairs to the door.

"Danielle, stay here, let me open it." He called out, stopping her in her tracks.

"Sorry daddy," she said looking up at him with a quivering look.

Justin just smiled down at her and went downstairs to open the door.

A very shocked Shelby stood on the other side of the door. She couldn't think of a single thing to say as she stared at him, she was unnerved by the sight of his naked chest. It was all too obvious that he had just gotten out of the shower and the way he held her son gave an all too familiar, yet unwanted, stirring in her stomach.

"Did you want to come in?" Justin asked opening the door for her. He smiled smugly when he shut the door behind her and turned around to face her. It had been obvious that his attire, or lack there of, had bothered her. He couldn't help but feel smug about it. "Come upstairs, everyone's in the kitchen."

Shelby followed Justin to the kitchen trying not to concentrate on the bare back in front of her. She was a grown woman for God's sake, something as simple as Justin should not bother her to such distraction. Even if she had been in love with him in the past.

"Hi, Mommy," Danielle said holding her arms up to be held.

"Hey baby," Shelby put down her bag and picked up her daughter and hugged her tightly.

"Oliver pooped all over. He had to shower." She informed her mother while pointing at her brother who was still in Justin's arms.

"Did you poop all over?" Shelby asked her son, setting down Danielle to take him from Justin.

Oliver just nodded and clung to Justin who was smiling at the little boy.

"Let's go get dressed little man," Justin said to Oliver. "I think your mother would appreciate it if I had a shirt on."

Shelby felt her face turning a bright shade of red as Justin held her gaze and spoke that last phrase toward her. She had to force herself to look away and focus on her daughter.

"Are you excited to dye eggs today?"

"Yeah, Grandma Lynn went to get the stuff. Are you hungry? We were eating cereal, Grace let me pour my own milk."

"Wow, Grace, that was very nice of you. You'll help Danielle feel like a big girl. How was your time with Justin?" Shelby asked turning her full attention to her eldest daughter.

"It has been fun. I missed you though." Grace answered in her usual gentle, quiet tone of voice.

"I missed you too, sweetie." Shelby smiled and opened her arms for the girl and held her tightly.

Grace had come a long way since she had lost her mother and was slowly becoming just like her old self.

Shelby looked around at the kitchen and started cleaning things up a bit, it was the least she could do.

Justin finished putting clothes on Oliver and threw on a shirt himself, smiling when he recalled the shocked expression on Shelby's face. This weekend was going to be interesting indeed. He knew one thing for sure, he had to get her alone sometime so they could just talk.

"Let's go join the others." Justin told Oliver who was quietly playing with a pile of clean socks.

"Up, daddy."

Justin stood there in momentary shock. This was the first time Oliver had called him daddy. It made him feel proud to have Oliver call him daddy.

"Come on little man," Justin smiled as he picked up the little boy and headed to the kitchen where he knew everyone would be. What he wasn't expecting, however, was Shelby to be cleaning the kitchen.

He stood silent for a moment watching her and smiled. What a vision she made standing there in her knee length skirt with bare feet, swaying to a beat in her head while she rinsed out the dishes to put in the dish washer.

He cleared his throat to get her attention and said, "You don't have to do that."

"That's okay, I don't mind," Shelby shrugged.

Just then there was a sound at the front door downstairs and they heard Lynn's voice announcing to everyone that she was back.

Lynn headed to the kitchen and paused when she stepped in the room. The first thing that caught and held her attention was the very family oriented scene before her. Shelby was comfortably rinsing dishes and loading the dish washer while the kids gathered around Justin, Oliver in his very arms.

"Hey Shelby, when did you get here?" She asked, announcing her presence.

Shelby turned around and saw Lynn standing there. "Not long ago, maybe ten minutes."

"Been here all of ten minutes and my inconsiderate son puts you to work? What am I going to do with him," Lynn smiled moving to hug the younger woman.

"No ma'am, I just started doing this when he was getting Oliver dressed. I don't mind housework, it keeps me grounded." Shelby answered returning the hug

"Please don't call me ma'am, call me mama. It hasn't been that long since I told you to call me that."

Shelby recalled a previous conversation in which Lynn had instructed her to refer to her as mama.

"I know, Lynn, I just wasn't expecting this. Last time I saw her they had a huge fight," Shelby answered with a sigh.

"Call me mama, we are practically family after all," Lynn said hugging her. "Stick with me, and I'll take care of my son."

"Thank you mama." Shelby said gratefully, feeling tears build up in her eyes.

"No tears now love, we don't want you ruining your make up. Come on, I'll show you to your room and you can unpack." Lynn said grabbing her hand.

That day was the beginning of the end of everything Shelby had built up for Justin. He broke her heart a second time and it was her fault because she let him get that close when every thread of her brain told her to stay away from him. It was just after Shelby and Justin had made love, and he had hurt her so bad when it had ended. It was in the past now, so there was no sense crying over it. She was quite sure that she was over him and that she'd never fall into his trap again. He didn't have any control over her anymore.

"Hello, earth to Shelby." Lynn said flashing her hand in front of Shelby's face.

"I'm sorry, Lynn. I spaced out for a second." Shelby said with a sheepish grin. She dared not look at Justin for fear he'd read her thoughts, he'd been so good at that.

"That's all right dear. Come sit with me, it's been a long time since we last talked." Lynn grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hallway before Justin stopped them.

"She hasn't seen her room yet, may want to take her there." Justin stated.

"You didn't even show her to her room? What kind of manners do you have?"

"It's not my fault. We were busy when she first got here. You'll be staying in the same room," Justin spoke the last sentence to Shelby and watched as she nodded curtly and turn back to Lynn. He realized at that moment that it was going to take a lot to gain her trust on even the most basic level of friendship.

Lynn led Shelby to her room and held the door open for her. The room was just as big and glorious as she'd remembered. Shelby stepped inside and immediately gravitated toward the window that looked out into the backyard. The view was so breathtaking that Shelby had to remind herself that Lynn was still in the room waiting to talk to her.

Shelby turned around to talk to Lynn, but the older woman was nowhere to be found. Justin instead, was standing there staring at her with such intent in his eyes that she felt a bit of nervousness. She fully comprehended the fact that they were totally alone.

"What are you doing here?" She asked finally finding her voice.

"We need to talk," Justin answered coming closer.

Shelby's eyes darted from the door to Justin and back again. She wondered if it would be possible to make a run for it.

Justin seemed to read her mind when he said, "Don't think about escaping, we need to talk. We might as well get this over with now. Maybe some of this unnecessary awkwardness between us will disappear."

"What is there to talk about?" Shelby asked defiantly.

"You, me, us, just...everything."

"There is no us."

"Would you just talk to me? Come here." Justin grabbed Shelby's hand and led her out of her room and down the stairs into a room Shelby had never seen before. She looked around at all the awards on the wall that he'd won when he was with Nsync and as a solo act. She took it all in while Justin shut the door behind them. The sound made her jump as she turned to look at Justin.

"Why don't you sit down." Justin said gesturing to a plush black sofa.

Shelby looked at the piece of furniture as if it had the plague then decided there was no getting out of this. She sighed deeply then sat down on the couch and stared at Justin, waiting for him to begin.

Justin said down on the chair opposite her so she would have to look right at him. Now that he had her to himself, he found himself unsure of what to say.

"Did you bring me in here to stare at me?" Shelby asked getting annoyed.

"No. Like I said, we need to talk. It would be nice if we could be friends, even if just for our daughters' sake. I just think we need to talk. The only time we've really talked was the time you called me and told me about Danielle. I should probably tell you, that when you told me over the phone I got so angry. I understand why you didn't tell me after I broke up with you, but why didn't you tell me when we were friends again--when we were both on tour together."

"There were a lot of reasons I didn't tell you. The first reason was because of Cameron. I didn't want that wench anywhere near my daughter. After a while I did find myself wanting to tell you. I wanted to so bad. And then after that night we made- well you know; you got mean and said you didn't want kids. It broke my heart to hear you say that knowing that you already had one. After that night I knew I couldn't tell you," Shelby answered drudging up unwanted memories.

She was content with her life now, she didn't need any more drama with Justin to change that contentment.

"So were you ever going to tell me?" Justin asked leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees.

"I honestly don't know. When I called you up and told you, it was because Danielle was asking about her father. I knew then that I couldn't keep it from her any more and that it wasn't fair for either one of you. I wanted to tell you, please believe me. I just felt that I couldn't. I also don't want the kids to get caught up in the middle of tabloid drama. Our fans have been very supportive of me being a single mother, but I'd hate to see their reactions if they found out Danielle was actually your daughter too. Our relationship was never even publicized." Shelby explained, unable to look at Justin for fear of what she may read in his eyes.

What Shelby didn't see, was the compassion in eyes. He didn't hate her and he totally understood where she was coming from. He never took Danielle out in public because of that very reason and told Shelby that.

"I couldn't bear the thought of Danielle being stormed by a bunch of idiot paparazzi. That's why I never go out when I have her. I think it would be different if we were together and everyone knew we were all a family. However, under the current circumstances it would be best if it stays this way."

Shelby couldn't help but feel a bit of longing when he thought of them as a family. She had to ignore them because it would never happen.

"I'm glad you feel that way too." Shelby nodded unsure of what else to say.

"So, tell me about your new man. What's he like?" Justin said changing the subject.

"Why do you care?" Shelby demanded.

"I want us to be friends, remember? It's only natural for friends to share these kinds of things." Justin answered matter of factly.

"Well, I don't know, he's cool." Shelby answered feeling rather awkward to be talking about her boyfriend with Justin of all people.

"Come on Shelby, you can do better than that. How'd you meet him? What attracted you to him? Give me details!" Justin probed.

"I'm sorry, I just don't see why you want to know. Don't you think this is awkward?"

"I don't think so. Just pretend I'm Joey or something, I know you guys are still good friends."

"Fine. What can I say, I met him at his job. He's the general manager of a club that our band had played at a few times. One day he asked me out and I said yes with reluctance."

"Why didn't you want to?" Justin asked.

"I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in a relationship yet. I thought he was good looking and all that, but for me it has to be more than that. I have to be with someone who is very patient and understanding. It's been a very slow process for us because of the kids and my past. We've been together for about three months now and we still haven't been intimate. He spends the night sometimes, but we haven't actually slept together." Shelby answered.

Justin just stared at her unsure what to think. It seemed to him that if she felt that way, maybe they weren't suited for each other after all. Not like he was going to tell her that, but the thought did cross his mind.

"Do you love him?" he questioned.

"Maybe. He's good to us. He helps out with the kids and he seems to have accepted them as his own."

Justin again wasn't sure how to respond. When she put it that way, it sounded like she loved what he did for them and not for the guy himself. He told her as much.

"It sounds to me like you like the idea of him. You haven't really said much about him, just what he does for you. You need someone to take care of you, not just the kids."

"The kids are my number one priority. I have to see to them first," Shelby said feeling anger begin to burn.

"I understand that Shelby, I'm just saying don't choose a man just for their sake. They would be better off without a father figure than that." Justin told her calmly.

"How DARE you sit there and tell me how to live my life." Shelby said standing up. "This conversation is over."

"I never meant to upset you, Shelby." Justin said with a sigh.

"No you just want to sit on your high and mighty throne and judge me. I'll have you remember that you gave up any right you had to tell me what to do. You gave that up a long time ago."

With that, Justin watched Shelby walk out the door in a hurry. She had a point though, he didn't have a right to tell her what to do. It was really just an opinion though, he didn't actually expect her to follow it.

Going into her room, Shelby quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She always carried such an outfit for her traditional morning run. For months now Shelby had found that running was an invigorating way to begin the day. She also knew a good hard run would help her calm down. She finished dressing then grabbed her iPOD and told Lynn where she was going and took off.

She wasn't too familiar with the neighborhood, so she decided to just go down the block and just keep going in a straight line. Once she started running, Shelby slowly began to feel better. She had her favorite music playing in her ears and she let herself run at full speed. Once she began to feel the stitch burning uncomfortable in her side, she slowed down to a job and eventually a walk as she got closer to Justin's house. She stretched out her tired muscles then went inside to shower, unaware of the conversation being held elsewhere.

"Just because I agree with you, doesn't mean that you should have told her that," Lynn told her son.

"I know mom, but I just think she's with him for all the wrong reasons. It sounded to me like she was being to selfless and putting her kids first. I think that's a good idea, but not when it comes to finding a man. She needs someone to take care of her and cherish her, not just the kids."

Lynn was amazed by the look on her sons face. If she knew her boy at all she'd say he was in love with the young woman in question. "Someone like you?" Lynn asked gently.

Justin looked at his mom like she'd just cursed in front of him. He mulled it over in his head for a minute. Did he want to b e that person? The man who would be there for her for the rest of her life. The one who would calm her fears, who would protect her and keep her. The answer scared the young man down to his soul.

"It's not like that mom," Justin denied.

"Okay honey, just be sure you know what you're doing." Lynn answered with a nod. She knew she'd given her son a lot to think about. She had a feeling things were going to get interesting--very interesting.

April 18, 2009
Saturday Afternoon

Not even a week after their Easter weekend at Justin’s house, Shelby found herself yet again in his driveway. This time she was merely dropping off her children as Justin said he wanted to take them for the day. Shelby hadn’t wanted to at first, but after she found out that her band was spending the day in the studio, it seemed only natural for Justin to take them.

Just go in, Shelby. It’s not that big of a deal, he doesn’t have the same control over you as he used to. You are not going to fall at his feet the moment he opens his mouth and turns those beautiful piercing blue eyes on you. What are you so afraid of? Shelby thought to herself as she reluctantly opened the car door. She looked up and saw Justin walking out to meet them. She took a deep breath and gave herself another mental pep talk. You can do this.

Justin was surprised that Shelby had actually agreed to let him take the kids, at first she had told him no, but for some reason she had changed her mind a few hours later. Whatever her reasoning was, he was glad to see them all. He was not comfortable with the way things had ended between them on Easter. He wanted to at least apologize for his actions.

He went down the drive to meet them and grimaced when he saw the stubborn determination on Shelby’s face. It meant that things had not changed in her mind, she was still mad with him. Well, he thought, I will just have to see to it that she‘s not angry when she leaves.

Justin’s thoughts were interrupted by his daughter as she cried out his name. He opened up his arms and scooped her up. He felt a sense of peace and contentment when he held his daughter close to his chest. It was still sometimes so surreal that he had a child of his own. His blood was running through her veins. His only regret was that he hadn't been around for her birth and the first few years of her life.

He turned his attention to the other children who were standing by Shelby holding her hands and smiled. “How are you guys doing?”

“Good.” Grace answered with a smile on her face.

Oliver just held out his chubby little arms and said up.

Justin picked up the little boy and gave him a big hug before focusing his attention to their mother. “Would you like to come in for a few minutes?”

Shelby didn’t really want to come in, but she found herself nodding and agreed to come in for a few minutes. It couldn’t hurt to come in for a few minutes, after all, she didn’t have to be at the studio for another hour and it didn’t take but ten minutes to get there.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Justin asked when they got inside and into the living room.

“No thanks,” Shelby answered with the shake of her head. She sat down on a chair closest to the door and watched Justin with the kids.

He got them settled with some toys in their room and went back to the living room where Shelby sat waiting. He could tell she was a bit nervous and on edge, and all he wanted was for her to relax around him so that they could be the way they used to be.

“I’m sorry about the way we parted on Easter.” Justin said getting straight to the point.

“I don’t regret saying what I said to you. I just got pissed off because it seemed like you were judging me and trying to tell me how to live my life. I do just fine the way things are right now. I really don’t need to be taken care of, I’m doing just fine on my own. And I don’t actually think I’m with Kristopher just because of the kids. We do have things in common as well.” Shelby replied while defending her previous words.

“That’s fine, it’s your life.” Justin nodded in agreement. In his heart he still didn’t agree with her, even though she was a different person than he’d met all those years ago, she did need someone to take care of her. Someone she could talk to, someone who could calm her fears, who could love her children as their own. He knew there had to be a small part of her that wanted that as well.

“I agree that we should be friends, but I don’t think we need to get into the details of our lives. We just need to be civil for Danielle.”

Justin voiced his opinion of just being civil. He didn’t want Danielle to know two different parents who didn’t ever keep in touch except when to drop her off. He told her he wanted them to be closer than that, he wanted to be more than just two strangers who shared a kid. Shelby agreed with that, but at the same time wasn’t comfortable with forced friendship. They ended the conversation with the agreement to just work on things. They didn’t bring up anything more about Shelby’s relationship with Kit and just kept it to basic small talk.

Justin knew it was just a small step, but he was glad that they had agreed to at least take it slow. He wanted to be a part of Shelby’s life in one way or another.

Shelby left Justin’s house and headed to the studio to meet with the band so they could record the song that she’d wrote the previous week after Justin had picked up the girls. Ryan had told the rest of the band how good the song was, and they wanted to hear it. Shelby played the rough draft for them and they knew it was going to be a good song.

Shelby was still surprised that they even wanted to record her song. She didn't mean to write the song, it just stemmed from an encounter she'd had with Justin. At first she didn't think she had the voice for it, but the band had worked on the arrangement and she was now confident that she could sing it.

Shelby made it to the studio with ten minutes to spare and went to find her boys. It wasn't necessary, however, as they were waiting for her in the lobby.

"'Bout time!" Scott exclaimed jumping to his feet.

"I'm not late," Shelby stated matter-of-factly with one eyebrow raised.

"Well, still, you're the last one here. We were starting to get bored while waiting for your arrival," Scott answered not missing a beat.

"Are you guys sure you want to record this song? It's quite different than anything we've ever done before. I will understand completely if you don't want to," Shelby said as they walked toward the studio door.

"What's with the negative attitude? That isn't like you." Ryan asked throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know, this song is just really personal I guess," she answered with a slight shrug.

"Don't even worry about it. I guarantee this song is perfect. It might even make a good single," Ryan said reassuringly.

Shelby just let it go at that and decided to trust her boys to make the right decision about the song. She switched gears in her head and began to think about the next few months and how much they had to do. Their new record was due out in a month. All of the songs had been chosen and were completely finished with the exception of this one. The only reason they were able to hold back production for this song, was because the executives had heard it and knew it had a lot of potential. They were making a new slot for it on the record, they had felt that the rest of the songs were solid so they weren't going to replace it, merely add it to the line up.

Their first record Welcome to My Life had done very well and this record was one of the most hightly anticipated releases this year. The buzz was a mixture of both good and bad reviews. Some people thought that they may have peaked with the success of their first album, while others said this was going to blow their first one out of the water.

Thankfully their success hadn't changed any of the band members. They were just as down to earth and approachable as they had been before they had reached fame. They didn't care so much about record sales as they did about performing live and interacting with fans. They still went out to their merch table after every show and every event they always made sure to greet some of the fans.

After they finished recording the song, the boys decided to have a barbeque at Ryan's place. He had an outdoor heated pool and it was much warmer than it normally was for early April. Ryan had talked Shelby into coming with him to the store to help him pick up the groceries when she remembered she had to go pick up the kids at Justin's. Ryan told her to just invite him so Shelby found herself dialing his number and waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" Justin answered after several antagonizing rings.

"Justin?"

"Hey Shelby, what's up?" Justin asked sensing her hesitancy.

"We finished recording and Ryan decided to have a barbeque at his house because he has an outdoor pool that's heated and today is actually warm outside. Anyways, did you maybe want to come?"

Justin was touched at her nervousness and smiled even though she couldn't see him. "Of course I'll come. I'm always up for a good time. Can you come pick us up? I don't have any car seats."

"Sure, I'm headed to the store with Ryan right now, but he said we could pick you up on the way back. We have his SUV which has booster seats.

"Will we all fit?" Justin asked doing a mental head count.

"We'll figure it out. I've got to go now, we just pulled up to the store. We'll see you in a bit." Shelby said before she hung up the phone and moved to follow Ryan into the store.

After buying everything from hamburgers to alcohol and everything in between, they were on their way to pick up Justin and the kids. Ryan had booster seats for both Danielle and Oliver so that wasn't going to be a problem. The problem was, however, the fact that they had three other people to fit and only two more seats.

Shelby gave Ryan the directions to get to Justin's place just in case he had forgotten since the last time he'd been there was two years ago. It didn't take them long at all to make it to Justin's house and Shelby smiled when the whole clan came outside to meet them.

"Hey baby," Shelby said getting out to hug Danielle.

"Daddy said we're going to have hot dogs, are we mommy?" Danielle asked.

"We sure aer. Did you have fun with daddy?" Shelby asked.

"Yep."

"How bout you guys? Did you have fun with Justin?" She asked Gracie and Oliver hugging them each in turn.

"Hey man, how are you doing?" Ryan asked greeting Justin.

"Good and you?" Justin nodded.

"Good too. So I figure the only way this is going to work is if the kids are in the back and Shelby sits on your lap."

Shelby saw the look on Ryan's face and wanted to kick it right off of it. "Why don't I drive and you sit on Justin's lap."

"Sorry kiddo, nobody drives my car, but me." Ryan said getting back in.

The kids were in the back seat waiting for them so Shelby had little choice but to agree and climb up onto the seat on Justin's lap. When Ryan had the vehicle started they drove backward quickly causing Shelby to stumble. She felt Justin's hands at her waist and couldn't help but feel them burning into her flesh. She could refuse to react to it which is what she decided to do. She was still deciding if she wanted to relax or not when Justin spoke.

"Relax, it's not like we haven't done this before," Justin whispered for her ears alone.

Deciding to just ignore the past, Shelby did finally relax. If he wanted to be friends, let them be friends. That didn't mean they would be like they used to be. If she was being honest with herself, she did need more stable friendships in her life. After her bad parting with Carrie, she needed more friends.

The rest of the ride to Ryan's passed by in an easy comfortable silence and for the first time in a long time, Shelby didn't feel awkward in Justin's presence. It was like the beginning of a new season.

"Are we going to your house, Uncle Ryan?" Grace asked from the back seat when they had turned onto his street.

"Yes we are, Scott and Jason will be there too." Ryan answered.

"Do you mind if I invite someone? I was supposed to meet up with JC later," Justin asked.

"Sure, that's fine, the more the merrier." Ryan nodded as he pulled into the driveway.

"How's Carrie doing?" Justin asked unaware of the situation with Carrie.

"No, we don't talk to her anymore." Shelby answered quickly. She unobtrusively kicked his leg lightly hoping he would get the hint to drop it.

Shelby looked at Ryan to make sure he was okay before opening the door to let her and Justin out. When they were alone again, Shelby would tell Justin what had happened, but this was neither the time nor the place.

"I'm ready." Danielle said from the backseat.

"We know you are," Shelby opened the back door and started to unbuckle her. Whenever they went any where, Danielle would announce that she was ready and Oliver had recently started doing the same thing. It was annoyingly cute when Oliver had started doing it because he couldn't quite pronounce the 'd' so it sounded more like I'm rea'y. It was still cute, but it was starting to get annoying as the impatient chorus of 'I'm ready's' would persist.

They unloaded all the kids and the groceries and headed into the house that Ryan shared with the boys. Scott and Jason had already got the grill fired up and had the stereo and speaker system set up outside in the fenced in backyard.

"Nice place you have here." Justin commented as they walked through the house to the kitchen which actually had a door that led out into the backyard.

"Thanks man, this was our first big purchase I guess you could say. We all own a third of it. We didn't really think there was any sense in all three of us," he said referring to himself, Jason, and Scott, "getting three apartments or anything like that. We're not here much anywhere. We're usually either touring or at Shelby's house."

"Sounds like a smart idea to me." Justin nodded. He watched Shelby moving around the kitchen in such ease and left the room to call JC when he realized where his thoughts were headed.

Shelby started putting groceries away, aware of Justin's every move; she didn't mean to, she just couldn't help it--it was something she had always done. She couldn't help but feel relieved when he left the room.

"What's up with you two now?" Ryan asked sitting on a stool at the bar on the other side of the counter.

"There's nothing up with us. He's Danielle's father, we have to be friends."

"You can be civil to each other for her sake, and still not hang out."

"I know and agree but he's the one who suddenly wants us to be friends. I didn't really want to at first, but then I just said whatever. I'm not letting him close enough to let him hurt me again."

"Just be careful darlin', when you two are around each other you are like magnets. There's something that has always been there that draws you two together. I don't want to see you hurt again."

"Don't worry, Ryan. I know what I'm doing, and I think you for being concerned. You are my best friend." Shelby answered, moving to hug him around the waist.

"I feel the same way. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we were just attracted to each other. That way, we could be together and it might make things easier." Ryan answered returning her embrace.

"I wouldn't want anything to ruin our friendship. You saw what happened with Brad, we were best friends before we started dating and then we tried to make a relationship. After we broke up it ruined everything we had. We maybe talked twice in the year after we broke up. I haven't spoke to him since. The sad thing is that I never wanted the relationship at all," Shelby sighed. "Oh well, thats life I guess."

"Is Kit working?" Ryan asked changing the subject.

"Yes, he is. I understand that he's the manager, but he really needs to stop working so much. I guess it won't really matter soon anyway, because we'll be going on tour soon and I'll be doing my own thing anyway." Shelby added.

"If you feel that way, why are you even with him?"

"Oh don't you start on me too," Shelby groaned.

"What do you mean?"

"Justin gave me the 'why are you with him' speech on Saturday. He basically said I was only with him for the kids, which isn't true."

"Shelby let me be honest with you for a minute. As an outsider with no interest in getting involved, I don't think you really love him. I think he was the first person you found after Justin and you decided to settle. Don't get me wrong, I think he's good for you, but it does seem that your heart is just not into it. I'll leave it at that because I don't want you mad and I don't want to interfere." Ryan said.

"I know what you mean, I thank you for your concern, but I know what I'm doing. Anyway, let's not discuss this any more. Let me just start puttin some of this food together. Go find my babies and make sure they're not getting into something. With Scott and Jay there's no telling what they're doing," Shelby said smiling at the truth behind that comment.

Cooking was another thing that Shelby had become good at since living on her own with three children. She didn't want her kids to grow up on ready made meals so at least five days a week she cooked real food for them. She still lived a busy life so foods like pizza and macaroni and cheese did grace the table a few times, but she did her best to make them real meals. There was nothing wrong with macaroni and cheese, but when she made the dish, it ended up being the only thing the kids would eat. They loved it so much which was why Shelby didn't cook it very often, she would save it for a treat.

Focusing on the task at hand, Shelby started taking out the ingredients she'd need. They had decided on traditional barbeque foods like burgers, dogs, and brats. She had elected to make potato salad as well as homemade beans, and strawberry shortcake dessert. She also planned on cutting up some fresh fruit. She set water to boil with the eggs and started peeling potatos when Justin came wandering in.

"Need help with anything?" he asked. He leaned against the counter with his hands in his pockets in a way that would make even Shelby admit he was sexy.

"You can help me peel these spuds," Shelby answered without revealing her thoughts.

"Sure, got an extra peeler?" Justin asked moving to stand right next to her.

"Here, you can use this one, I'll just use a knife." Shelby handed Justin the peeler and grabbed a small paring knife from the drawer.

"I remember a time when i wouldn't have trusted you with a knife, I'm proud of how far you've come," Justin said conversationally.

"Yeah, I haven't felt that way for about a year and a half. Now whenever I have bad thoughts or feelings I just go running. It really helps me clear my head of whatever is bothering me," Shelby nodded grabbing another potato.

"We should go running together sometime," Justin added.

"Maybe."

Justin didn't comment on her non-commital statement, but rather just continued to peel his potatos.

"How's Cameron?" Shelby asked breaking the silence.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't talked to her in ages. We broke up a long time ago."

"Really? I'm sorry."

"No you're not. You hated her." Justin smiled knowing what he said was true.

"Yeah well, you were dating her and broke up, that still sucks." Shelby said in weak defense.

"We were way over due to split up. I should have broke up with her while you guys were still on tour with us. No need to say I told you so, but it's true." Justin stopped peeling for a moment and just watched her. He felt a big of longing for what could have been and tried to concentrate on peeling, but couldn't.

Shelby felt herself being scrutinized and refused to look at Justin. She didn't want to see the expression on his face. She quickly tried to think of a way to lighten and change the mood but was failing miserably.

"How's Brad?" Justin asked after sesning her uncomfort.

"Not to sound like a parrot, but I don't know. I haven't talked to him in a long time. I talked to him maybe twice in the year after we broke up, and none since then. The relationship pretty much ruined our friendship, just like I said it would."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, I guess," Shelby nodded.

Shelby thought it felt rather weird to be sitting here talking to Justin about their ex's like it was some every day occurrence. She didn't think they would ever really get along again, but here they ere chatting it up.

"Is JC coming?" Shelby asked.

"Yeah, he's probably on his way now. He seemed pretty excited to be coming." Justin nodded.

"Cool. Have you guys talked about reuniting Nsync at all?" Shelby asked.

"Really? You had to go there?" Justin answered feeling annoyed.

"It's just a question."

"I know, it just gets a little old after a while. We have no plans to reunite or whatever. We meet up once in a while to hang out, but we're all living our own lives now. Don't you talk to Joey anymore? I'm sure he would tell you the same thing."

"Yeah, I still talk to him, but I just wanted to get your take on it. I didn't mean to be annoying."

"I know, I'm sorry."

The two of them fell into a silence that was only broken when JC entered the room about twenty minutes later.

"I never thought I'd see the day when the two of you were working side by side in a kitchen. I'm surprised there are no dead bodies yet."

"Ha ha, funny," Justin answered dryly.

"Come here." Shelby smiled holding out her arms.

JC hugged the young woman and spun her around in a circle. The last time he'd actually seen her for more than five minutes at an award show, was when she was on tour with them.

"How have you been?" Shelby asked stepping back.

"Pretty good, how about you? I hear the band is doing good." JC answered.

"I'm doing good and so is the band. It's still had to believe that people actually like us and that we took off so fast. I feel blessed daily."

JC opened up his mouth to respond when little feet came running in.

"Uncle Josh!" Grace exclaimed, her whole face lighting up at the sight of him.

"Hey Grace, look at you, you're getting so big!" JC said picking her up. She was almost too big to be picked up, but JC still managed it. JC and Grace had always had a close bond and it was cute to see them together.

"Me too!" Danielle said standing on her toes as to appear taller.

"My goodness you have grown too," JC said with a smile. He set Grace back down and picked up Danielle in a bear hug.

Oliver trailed after his sisters and just stood there staring at JC.

"Who is this handsome young man." JC asked squatting down to the little boy's level.

"He's our brother." Grace answered.

"Wow, I didn't even know you had a brother."

"He's like me and Grace. We all had different mommy's and daddy's, but now we all have the same mommy and daddy."

"Danielle-Nicole!" Shelby said feeling her face turn red. She had never heard Danielle talk about Justin as Grace and Oliver's dad.

"Oh, sorry. We all have the same mommy, but I told them we could share my daddy," she said. "Ain't that right, daddy?"

Justin could feel Shelby's stare burning through him as the whole room awaited his answer. He had one of two choice: he could either agree with his daughter and say that he'd be proud to be their daddy, or he could just deny it and break his daughter's heart.

"Well I can be their daddy some days, but it's not like you and me baby. If me and mommy were together then we'd be a family. It is just complicated," he explained to her gently.

"Okay," Danielle nodded.

"Why don't you say we let them get back to cooking," JC said holding out his hands. The girls each grabbed one of his hands and headed outside to play, Oliver trailing behind them not wanting to hold hands with anyone.

"Sorry about that," Justin apologized. "I promise I didn't say anything like that or encourage her."

"I know, Justin. She just wants us to be a family. She's too young to understand," Shelby answered suddenly feeling really worn out.

"I want that too," Justin blurted without thinking.

Justin's statement was met with an awkward moment of silence. Shelby had no idea what to say to that.

"That wasn't meant to come out quite like that. I do want us to be a family, but I didn't mean to shock you," Justin added.

"I can't do this again, Justin. I won't. I'll be your friend, but that's all I have to give," Shelby answered after she'd had a moment to digest what he'd said.

"I respect that," Justin nodded.

"Thank you."

They spent the rest of their time in the kitchen in a comfortable silence. The awkwardness of the moment prior wasn't forgotten by either of them, but neither did it make things weird between them. Justin eventually went outside with the others while Shelby finished the sides.

When the food was all finished they set up the picnic table in a buffet style while everyone could just pick the food they wanted. Everyone was so hungry that by the time they went through the line and had all the seconds they wanted, the food was pretty much gone. It was a good thing because left overs rarely got eaten unless Shelby took them home.

After all the food had been cleared everyone sat around the fire pit talking. JC was curious to know what the band was up to and how their new record was coming along.

"We just finished recording our last song today. We were done two weeks ago, but Shelby wrote a new song just before Easter. Ryan heard the song and knew it would be a hit so we had to record it. We actually have a copy of what we recorded today if you want to hear it." Scott answered explaining everything to JC.

"No, he doesn't want to hear it." Shelby said shaking her head. She did not want Justin to hear the song while she was there.

"Actually I do," JC retorted unaware of Shelby's reasoning behind not wanting to hear it.

Ryan knew why she didn't want them to play it, but he wasn't able to persuade them to not play it.

"Fine, just play it." Shelby said throwing her hands in the air.

"Why don't you want me to hear it?" JC asked finally realizing how bad she didn't want it played.

"It's personal and I'm not sure if I'm ready for people to hear it," she answered.

"So in other words it's about me and you don't want me to hear it?" Justin stated.

Something rose up inside Shelby as she stood up. She wanted to slap him across his smug face, but instead she went to retrieve the CD form Scott's car. She came back and put it in Ryan's CD player and met Justin's gaze head on as she pushed play. "Here it is if you want to hear it so bad," she said before sitting down.

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Shelby stared at Justin intently during the whole first verse, daring him to look at her, but instead he stared straight ahead as if concentrating on the song. She wanted him to know that the song was about him and that empowered her to continue to look at him. It was about time he understood how she was really feeling.

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

Justin listened to the first few phrases and knew she was, in fact, singing about him. He was the one she had to let go because he'd never love her back. That hit him in the stomach, she'd let him go because he couldn't love her back. How hard that must have been for her.

He's disappearing
Fading Steadily,
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

He would have to prove to her that he did in fact love her. Even if he could only show her love as a friend, he could, no he would do it.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Ryan watched the emotions play across Justin's face as he listened to the song. He smiled secretly and knew that Shelby was in trouble. There was no way the boy was going to give up on her so easily. He was making it too obvious that he wanted her more than just as a friend. He wanted her for keeps. Ryan doubted that Shelby could get that, but Ryan knew how Justin was feeling.

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

Shelby sat back in her chair with her arms crossed when the song ended and still stared at Justin. She had quit looking at him for a while as she just closed her eyes and listened to the song, but she'd opened them the moment the song was over.

"That was really good," JC said breaking the silence.

Shelby stopped staring Justin down and looked at JC. "Thank you. I wasn't going to do anything with it at first, but Ryan pitched it to the others and they liked it."

"You have some really good songs that you have written. We should really try workin on something together sometime," JC added.

"Thank you. I don't know if I'm that good, but I try. I'm mostly inspired by whatever is happening in my life or just the world around me," Shelby said, humbly accepting his praise.

"Well, my darlings I say we wrap this up this mushy stuff and play some games," Ryan said changing the subject.

The rest of the evening was spent on playing games and just talking. After all was said and done Shelby gave Justin a ride home. He would have rode home with JC, but JC had to leave early and Justin wanted to stay longer and spend time with Shelby and the kids.

"Thanks for inviting me, I had a lot of fun," Justin said when they pulled up in front of his house.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you could come, it was a good time. The kids enjoyed spending time with you," Shelby said with a slight smile.

"Your schedule is going to get busy soon, isn't it?" Justin asked trying to prolong the conversation.

"Yeah, we don't know anything for sure, but we have a meeting on Monday to discuss the next few months. I'm sure we'll be releasing the first single then promoting the record and tour this summer."

"Sounds like a busy time. I have to say, I don't miss that part of the life much. If you need any help with the kids, just let me know," Justin added.

"Thanks, I will."

Justin bid his farewell and Shelby watched him walk into his house before driving away.

She was looking forward to the next few months just to keep her mind occupied. The fact that she loved her job and performing was just an added bonus. Whatever the next few months would bring, she was looking forward to it. Bring it on.

*Near to You as performed by A Fine Frenzy

Love Remains the Same
by Leeann
Chapter 4

April 20, 2009
Monday Morning

Monday morning dawned too early for Shelby who wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of the week. The clock at the side of her bed read seven-thirty, indicating she was already running late. She needed to get herself and her children ready by eight o'clock so they could reach the studio by eight-thirty. Today was their big meeting to decide the next few months and would give them an exact release date of their new CD.

It wasn't the meeting that Shelby was dreading, but rather the sleep that she hadn't received the past few nights. Her youngest child and only son, Oliver, hadn't been sleeping at all due to his teeth. His eye teeth, or 'fang teeth' as the girls liked to call them, were coming in and he was miserable. He couldn't sleep due to the constant pain his teeth were in. Shelby couldn't seem to do anything to comfort his pain. She'd tried everything she did with Danielle, but nothing worked. The best thing she could do was wait it out. She didn't make it to her own bed until four o'clock in the morning when Oliver would finally get tired enough to succumb to sleep. He refused to sleep unless she held him so what else could she do but hold him. When he would finally fall into a deep sleep, Shelby would put him in his crib and was finally able to crawl into bed herself--only to get up in a few hours time with the other children.

Shelby knew she had to get up and get dressed so she could get her children ready and slowly pulled the covers back. She grimaced when she knew she wasn't going to have time for a shower. She threw on some sweats, not caring what she looked like after the night she'd had, and went in to wake up the kids. She found that Danielle and Grace were already sitting up playing with their dolls. She told them to get quickly get dressed and went in to wake up Oliver. She smiled when she leaned over his crib, he looked so peaceful laying there sleeping. She almost hated waking him, but she knew she had to.

She called to the little boy hoping to wake him up by just talking to him, but it seemed that he was sleeping heavier than she'd thought. She gently nudged him and felt him slowly begin to stir. After a few more times like these, Oliver was staring up at his mom. When he finally sat up, he lifted his arms and let out an ear piercing wail. Shelby could only imagine that his teeth were hurting again as he burrowed his little head in her neck. She grabbed his clothes and set him on the changing table--something that was more convenient than necessary--and set to changing his diaper then his clothes.

"There, baby, you're all better now." She soothed when she picked him back up.

"Hurts," he whimpered shoving his index finger in his mouth.

"I know, let's go get something to eat." Shelby hated when her children were in pain. She swore she could feel it down to her soul, especially when there was nothing she could do to help them.

Shelby got cereal poured for the girls and made sure they started eating before fixing Oliver some mushy baby food. He'd already passed mushy baby food ages ago, but with his teeth hurting like they had been, he had only eaten the mush. He wouldn't touch anything else. She put a bib on him and gave him the bowl full of a banana and oatmeal mixture and his own spoon.

After everyone had eaten, Shelby piled them into the car and prayed they'd make it there on time. Thankfully, she was meeting Justin at the studio where he'd watch the kids. She really needed to look for another nanny to help on days like this, but she'd had a trust issue after Carrie left. Glancing at the clock, Shelby cursed under her breath, they had ten minutes to drive the distance that usually took twenty minutes. She hated arriving late for anything, but today she couldn't really help it.

A half an hour later Shelby pulled up into the studio parking lot feeling frazzled. She was over twenty minutes late and was near tears. She was tired, emotional, and Oliver had started crying again due to his teeth. It was a sorry sight they made rushing into the studio. Justin was in the lobby and greeted them as soon as they stepped inside. Danielle ran towards him for a hug while Grace stood next to him and smiled up at him. Justin set Danielle down on the ground and stepped over to Shelby who he could tell was distressed.

"What's wrong?" He asked, the tenderness in his voice nearly pushing her over the deep end.

"Oliver's teething." Shelby answered trying her best to keep composed. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him.

"Come here, buddy," Justin took the little boy from her and Oliver immediately stopped crying.

That was the last straw for Shelby. She lost her dignity when she burst into tears right in the lobby of the studio in front of Janice, the receptionist, and Justin. She tried desperately to stop, but the emotional strain had reeked havoc on her nerves for far too long the past two days, she couldn't pull herself together.

The sight of Shelby crying tugged at Justin's very soul. He glanced at Janice who was also feeling sorry for the young woman. He motioned to her and asked if he could leave Oliver and the kids with her for a few minutes while he comforted Shelby. Janice readily agreed and took the little boy from Justin.

Justin put an arm around Shelby's shaking shoulders and led her down the hallway and into an empty conference room. He pulled her into his arms and held her to him loosely, so she could pull away if she wanted. "You're okay, Shelby." he murmured stroking her hair comfortingly.

Shelby couldn't help but wrap her arms around Justin's solid waist and burrow herself close to him. Her subconscious mind knew that it was Justin in which she clung too, but her consciousness only knew she had someone strong to lean on. She drew strength from his embrace and felt her tears begin to subside slowly.

Justin hated the fact that she was crying, but was also glad that she didn't pull away. She felt so right in his arms, like she belonged there. He had to shake his mind of such thoughts. He was merely comforting her, when she was herself then he could let his mind wander to those places.

Shelby felt herself relax and stop crying. She didn't want to move so she just stood there in Justin's embrace a bit longer than was proper--it felt nice to be held. She inhaled deeply and felt her nose plugged and Justin was right there handing her a tissue. She turned her head to the side and blew her nose and when she was finished she put her head back against Justin's chest. She inhaled deeply and nearly fainted. It was a scent she hadn't smelled in years, but could recognize anywhere. It was Justin, plain and simple.

She lifted her head and looked up at him. He was gazing down at her with such a compassionately tender look she nearly started crying again. She held herself together and smiled faintly. "I'm sorry to fall apart like that."

Justin just smiled back and moved a stray lock of hair behind her ear and assured her it was okay. "Don't worry about it, Velma, I know you're under a lot of stress. The lack of sleep from Oliver's teething just made it worse. Are you feeling better?"

Shelby merely nodded and cursed her stomach for the butterflies it felt when he touched her hair and called her Velma. "I should probably find the others and get to my meeting. I'm already really late."

"I'm sure Janice let them know," Justin answered not really wanting this moment to end.

Shelby nodded and began to pull away from him toward the door. Justin stopped her by pulling her back to him. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead that sent more butterflies reeling to her stomach. Her eyes were wide as she stared back into his. She knew she couldn't let him have that control over her again so she turned toward the door and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Inhaling deeply Shelby staggered back against the wall. The spot where Justin had kissed her forehead was still burning. She could easily fall into his arms and live there forever, but she couldn't afford the pain that was sure to come with it. She needed to be strong for herself.

"Shelby?" Ryan called out spotting her standing there.

"Ryan!" She said walking toward him.

"Are you okay? We were getting really worried. Janice told us that you lost it in the lobby and Justin took you off somewhere." Ryan said holding her by the arms and making sure she was okay.

"I'm fine Ry," Shelby nodded. "Let's go. I'll tell you bout it on the way there."

Shelby told Ryan what happened and was just finishing up by the time they got to the conference room where their meeting was being held--across the building from where Justin took her. Everyone was relieved to see her when they walked through the door. Shelby assured them that she was okay and they finally began the meeting.

"Now that we're all here let's begin." Christian, their manager, said looking at his notes.

Christian had been with them since before they released their first record. The band interviewed him personally and found he was the only candidate that would stay true to who they were as a band and help them along the way into stardom. He was part of the Broken Angel family in every way. He went on tour with them and he spoke on their behalf to the record company as well as in other areas.

"I think the first thing to discuss is the new album. The final song selection was just made and they are waiting your approval on the title for the record. The exec's feel that the title 'Near to You' is the best fit for the songs and the album as a whole, they were going to go with Love Remains the Same, but they thought that Near to You was better. The song itself won't be the first single, because it is a slow song, but that is their suggestion for the title. Here is the final track list," Christian handed them each a sheet of paper with a list of songs on it.

Shelby looked down at the list and nodded approvingly. All of her favorite songs that they'd recorded made the cut.

1. Animal I've Become
2. Smother Me
3. Near to You
4. Love Remains the Same
5. Blood On My Hands
6. The Only Exception
7. Zero
8. Brick by Boring Brick
9. Ignorance
10. I'm a Fake
11. All I Wanted
12. Let This Go
13. Liar Liar (Burn in Hell)
14. Beside You
15. The Time of Our Lives

The only one that Shelby didn't think would make the cut was the last song. It was different from the other songs on the record, except the song they wanted to make the title. She set the paper down and looked at the boys to get their reactions.

"I like the song list," Ryan nodded approvingly.

"Me too," Shelby agreed.

"What do you think of using Near to You as the title?" Ryan asked her. He thought it was a good idea, but he knew how she felt about the song and how personal it was to her.

"I think it works," Jason added.

"I say we should use it. It does encompass everything that the record is about." Shelby nodded giving her approval.

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked.

Shelby nodded and turned her attention back to Christian who was sure to give them more information concerning the record.

"The first single is going to be 'The Time of Our Lives' and they want to release it by May 1st. They sent a sample of the track to radio stations and heard good feedback from it." Christian said looking to his notes again.

"Really? They want to release that song first? That's so much different from any of the other songs on the record. Is that a wise move?" Ryan asked.

"It's an excellent first single. It's a dance song and it will encourage fans to buy the album to see what the rest of the songs will be. We'll also be releasing 'Animal' on iTunes at the same time, so they will get a glimpse of what else is in store."

"Okay, I think that is actually a good idea," Ryan nodded in approval.

"When are they going to release the whole CD?" Shelby asked.

"June 2nd." Christian answered. "Most of May will be used to promote the record. You'll be doing a lot of radio interviews as well as talk shows, those will probably start around the middle of May. Between now and the 1st of May you will need to record the video for both 'Time' and 'Animal'. They're hoping that the buzz is going to be around both songs so much that fans will demand a video for 'Animal'. If it doesn't happen that's okay, because that song will eventually get released, but we're going to shoot both videos."

"About a week after the album comes out, you'll start rehearsing for your summer tour. They want to go big this time around. They have a few Warped Tour shows booked, but your headlining tour will begin around the middle of July. Shelby, you should know that the tour kicks off at the North Dakota State Fair, in Minot. The person I talked to on the phone was some twit named Ginger or something like that, anyway said you were from there so the least you could do is stop there. I guess you're really popular there."

Shelby stared at Christian like he'd had two heads. They were starting their tour in Minot? She didn't want to, she never wanted to go back there again. It wasn't that she was a snob and didn't hold true to her roots, but the place held nothing but bad memories for her. She almost said as much, but decided she was bigger than that and there was nothing that would stop her from going to Minot and playing her heart out. She could, no she WOULD do this and they would get a damned good show. She wasn't the same person that she used to be. Ginger, Tyler, and all the other people she graduated with would see that she didn't need them and that their opinions did not matter. She was above that.

"Who are the openers going to be?" Ryan asked interrupting her thoughts.

"They haven't picked anyone yet, I think they have a few ideas, but they were pretty hush hush about it." Christian answered.

"How long is the tour going to be?" Jason questioned.

"Well they are still trying to secure a few more U.S. and Canada dates, but tentatively the beginning of October. After that, you'll have a few weeks to come up with a new set list for the international leg of the tour. That will begin November 11th in London."

Shelby and the boys stared at him a bit apprehensively. This would be the first time they went touring international. They had been overseas for the release of their first album, but it wasn't anything as extensive as an actual tour.

"I do have some bad news for you though, Shelby. The children won't be able to come with you on the international tour. There's going to be too much going on and going through customs as often as we will be with three children just isn't feasible. I'm sorry."

Shelby went pale at thought of not seeing her babies for any length of time let alone the months they'll be over there.

"Surely there's something we can do," Ryan asked on her behalf.

"Their plane tickets and everything would have to be paid out of pocket and they would have to be with a nanny all the time."

"How many times are we actually flying?" Shelby asked feeling a sense of impending doom. Plane tickets for three children could get expensive, fast.

"Well we'll be flying to get there and then taking a bus throughout Europe and then we'll have to fly to Asia and fly back at least. It will be expensive." Christian added apologetically.

Shelby could probably afford to pay for their tickets to fly out, but after that she didn't think she would. They were making money daily, with album sales and merch sales from their web site, but that didn't mean she could just blow everything she made. She had to think about putting money away for when the kid got older and decided to go to college. She couldn't drop money on plane tickets across the world. It was going to be a lonely few months without her babies with her.

"I understand," Shelby answered with the nod of her head.

"I really am sorry, I wish there was something else I could do, but my hands are tied." Christian gave her a smile of apology.

"What else do we need to discuss?" Ryan asked changing the subject.

"That about does it for now." Christian said straightening his papers back into one pile before standing up.

The others watched Christian get up and walk out then they turned their attention to Shelby.

"What are you going to do with the kids?" Ryan questioned.

"I want to bring them with me, but I'm not paying for plane tickets, that's just too expensive. I guess I'll ask Kit if he can watch them." Shelby shrugged not really wanting to talk about it until she'd had a chance to think about it.

"They would never last with him for that long. You know they would walk all over him. If you're going to ask anyone, you'd be better off asking Justin. He is, after all, Danielle's father."

Shelby felt her insides quavering. She didn't want to leave her children with Justin for a long period of time, but Ryan had a point. Justin would be the best candidate to watch the kids. He survived a weekend with them after all. She'd have to think about how to approach the subject. It wasn't as though she could just walk up to him and say, 'hey can you put your life on hold and watch my children?' No, she had to do it another way. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see when the boys left her and when the very subject of her thoughts came in with the kids.

"Mommy!" Danielle squealed seeing her sitting there.

"Hey, baby, did you have fun with daddy?" Shelby said with a tender smile, her thoughts completely focused on her child.

"I did. He wants us all to come over for dinner; can we mommy?" Danielle asked.

Shelby looked up at Justin who just stood there looking down at her. She raised an eyebrow at him and wondered what he was thinking.

"Do you want to come over for lunch? Just a meal among friends, no strings attached." Justin added the last part after she'd looked hesitant.

"Yeah, that would be all right. I have to talk to you about something anyway. I have to go meet Kit first though, is it okay if I meet you and the kids there?" Shelby asked.

Justin couldn't deny that he was immediately jealous of the aforementioned boyfriend, but there was nothing he could do about it. If there was one thing he'd learned about his past mistakes with Shelby was that meddling was not the answer. If she wanted to be with Kit, let her. Justin himself wasn't sure if he was ready to be in a relationship with her. He needed to take things slowly and get to know her again. If he meant to be with her, it had to be for life this time, he couldn't break her heart again, he wouldn't.

"Sure take all the time you need. If you want, you could always invite him." Justin told her, surprising himself when he invited Kit.

"I need to talk to you about something important, so I don't think it would be good having Kit there. Should I bring anything?" Shelby asked.

"Just yourself and your appetite." Justin answered with a smile.

"Do you want to take the kids now and I'll meet you at your place?" Shelby asked.

"Sure, that works for me." Justin nodded.

With that Shelby gave her babies a hug then walked out to car and went to Kit's work to meet with him.

"Hey baby," Kit said when he saw her walk in.

"Hey, Kit," Shelby said with a smile. "Can you take a break? I need to talk to you."

"Sure, just let me go tell Mason that he's got the floor," Kit turned to another guy that was there and told him he was in charge then went around the counter to meet Shelby. "What's up?"

"I'm going to ask Justin to watch the girls for a few weeks when we go over seas for a while starting in November, I just wanted to tell you." Shelby said just blurting it out.

"Why can't I watch them?" Kit said getting defensive.

"Because, Justin is Danielle's father and he's good with them. Besides, I don't want you to miss a bunch of work because of it," Shelby explained.

Kit didn't like the idea of Justin watching Shelby's children for any amount of time. He knew he was being ridiculous because he was jealous, but he couldn't help it. Now that he finally found the woman he thought he could spend the rest of his life with, he didn't want to give her up. He knew he was being unfair, but he didn't trust Justin. With all the history Shelby and Justin shared would it be easy for her to just fall back into his arms? Hopefully he would never have to experience that, but time would only tell. Maybe it was time he think about taking their relationship to the next level.

"I guess. Do what you have to do then," Kit said nodding tersely.

"Thanks, I will." Shelby said kissing him on the cheek. "Listen, I have to get going now, but I'll talk to you later?"

"Okay, sure," Kit nodded.

"Love you," Shelby said hugging him.

"Love you too, babe."

Shelby left and headed back toward Justin, feeling dread over the impending conversation. It wasn't that she was nervous, but she wasn't sure how it would go over. It was one thing for Justin to take the kids for a weekend, but for an entire tour? Could he handle it? What if something went wrong? She wouldn't be a phone call away to come get them, she would be an entire ocean away.