I'm mad.
This has been going on long enough.
I'm tired of it, ALL of it.
Why the hell do I even try; none of it even matters to him. He's here one minute and gone the next.

-Clothes are thrown everywhere as I have been attempting to fill his many suitcases.-

Just once, just one time it would be nice if he said he'd stay. I'm not some teenie bop groupie waiting by his tour bus, I am his WIFE! I gave up everything to be with him. I left a job that I loved because I said he was worth it. I left my home, my friends, my family, and he can't even make time for me.

It wasn't always like this, there was a time where I really thought that he loved me, now I am not so sure. The only time he utters those words are when he is asked about me on Oprah. I am beginning to think that there never was a Justin and Amere Timberlake, just Justin. He's been home for 2 days, and he has just been dying to get away from me, I don't know what I have done to make him act this way towards me. Here I am trying to pack his clothes for his next appearance; my heart breaking each time I place another item into his suitcase.

I finally can't take it anymore, my vision is becoming blurry from the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes. I have to sit on the edge of the bed and try to calm myself down before I completely breakdown. I'm so busy willing my tears away, I never noticed Justin appear in the doorway staring at me.

"Amere-"

I don't want to look at him, I don't want him to know that he has finally gotten to me.

"Amere-" he calls again.

He starts taking steps towards me; but I hold my hand out to stop him; I don't want him near me pretending that he actually cares. I want to be alone...it's what I have grown accustomed to anyway.

"Please let me talk to you"

He's begging now, his voice almost sounds sincere; almost like he's the old Justin, but I know better. I finally look up at him letting the tears fall freely now, I can't fight them anymore, hell I can't fight HIM anymore. As I look at him all I can think is..."you don't love me anymore." What I didn't realize is that I had actually spoken those words.

God knows I don't want to know the answer, I just don't think I can handle the truth, but despite my mental refusals, I get it anyway.

"Amere, I do love you."

I suck in my breath, what just happened? He's looking at me with that look in his blue eyes that says "I love you"- the one I saw on our wedding day. But there is something off, I know there is...so I have to ask-

"Then why do you always leave? Why do you pretend that you're too busy for me? What did I do Justin, what went wrong?"

I was somewhat expecting him to say he didn't know, and that we can work on our marriage, and that he would stay so we could sort everything out, but I was blind-sighted with two little words...

"I cheated"

And my heart stopped.

You know when you are watching a movie on Lifetime and you see this poor stupid girl, completely oblivious to her husband having an affair and you think- 'how can she be so dense?'.....

I'm now THAT girl.

I always thought that I was the type of women who would know about the affair and confront her husband, or at least the not the type of girl that sits there looking stupid as her husband confesses to sleeping with another women, but here the fuck I sit looking stupid, as my husband confesses that he slept with another woman! I look at him, and he's still standing in the damn doorway. He's not rocking on his heels like he usually does when he's nervous, there are no apparent signs of tears. He's just standing there like he just told me the fucking wheather or something! And then the jackass speaks...

"Amere, we were trying to figure out how I should tell you--"

We? who the hell is--oh HELL No! My stomach begins to turn, 'we' there was supposed to be one 'we' and that is 'us'. By the look on his face I know he can tell what I'm thinking right now.

"Not her Amere, Trace" he whispers.

I feel like someone has just stabbed me--in the back! Of course Trace would know; Trace knows everything about Justin. I should have known this would happen, I married Justin Timberlake for God's sakes. You just don't marry people like him, because this is the type of shit that happens.
I sit here trying to catch my breath, I feel as though the walls are closing in on me. I'm numb all over, except for this undescribable pain in my chest, the type of pain that hurts so intensely you are not able to utter a word, because it hurts just that bad. It has become a waiting game on who will speak next. I don't know how long we stayed there motionless, but it all becomes too much for Justin.

"Amere it was only one time, it was nothing ok? it just happened"

The time bomb that had been ticking inside of me has finally went off, here it comes- I feel my anger begin to bubble over.

"One time! do you think that means shit to me? Do you?!"

Before I know it, I'm throwing things; anything I see in front of me.

"That nothing to you changes everything, EVERYTHING for ME!...how dare you! so explain this to me, did you and Trace have a few beers laughing it up about what a nice piece of ass you tapped while I'm sitting here waiting, wishing, praying to God that you will come home back to me!"

He almost looks shocked that I would accuse him of doing such a thing..

"That's not how it was and you know it!"

"Oh but I don't know do I, I don't know shit apparently, I didn't know that I had married a cheating bastard, I really don't know you at all!" I snap

I fly over to the closet and begin ripping my clothes off their hangers. I can't stay here another second. I frantically start putting my belongings into my suitcases.

"Baby, please don't do this, please don't leave" he begs.

I chuckle at his remark, he can't really be serious, can he?

"Why can't I leave? It appears to me that you checked out of this marriage already"

He sucks in a breath, before he gets up enough courage to respond to me.

"I did NOT check out, will you just let me explain and tell my side, please"

His side, what the hell?, I don't owe him anything!

"I don't want to hear anymore Randall, you have told me all I need to know" I spit

He turns me around to face him, and I do what no woman has ever thought of doing to this man, I slap him--HARD. I see his left cheeck bright red from my hand.

"Don't you DARE touch me!" I scream

All I can think of is his hands touching some woman other than me, and my heart begins to hurt more, which until now, I didn't think was possible.

"I don't want you touching me with those hands" I choke out.

I zip up my suitcases and head towards the door, but he blocks it. He just stands there looking at me, and for the first time I notice that he is crying. I turn my focus on something else, anything besides his face. The sight of him literally makes me sick.

" Just stay here, just don't leave, I'll sleep downstairs, just don't walk out on me" he pleads

I stand there a little bit longer, my mind dizzy from everything going on , my thoughts are interrupted yet again by him.

"Amere just say something" he begs me

I look up at him, tears falling from both of our eyes and I say the only thing I can feel, the one thing I never imagined myself saying to him...

"I hate you"

It's not very loud, but its there, out in the open. He slowly moves past the door without uttering a word. I can barely see how to get to my car because of this fresh flood of tears. I finally make it to the car throwing my bags in the back. I pull out of the drive and just the before the house leaves my sight, I stop and look back-

"I hate you" I whisper

As I enter the door of my hotel room, I am shaking uncontrollably, I feel my stomach turning again. I rush to the bathroom to empty my stomach of its contents. I am now completely drained. All I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up, I pull back the covers from the bed and climb in--fully dressed. I don't have the energy to change my clothes.

I curl up in a ball and lay there lifeless as my entire world crumbles around me. I never thought I would end up here; alone and broken. I close my eyes and pray that it's all a dream-praying that when I wake up he'll be laying here beside me. I open my eyes and I begin to cry because it's not a dream, it's really my life now.

When I wake up it's dark all around me; I cried myself to sleep. I'm a little startled by my surroundings, but I quickly remember where I am, and sadly why I'm here. As I lay there all I can hear is his voice--"I cheated" those words keep echoing in my mind over and over again. I feel like such a fool, how am I supposed to go home again after this? How am I supposed to explain this to my parents? My head hurts too bad to think about all of that right now. I just want to sleep, and so I close my eyes again and drift back off to sleep.

That is how my life has continued on for God knows how many days now. I guess you could say that I am depressed--surprise, surprise. Today I'm striving to actually take a shower, I have been contemplating it for a while now, but I just haven't found the strength to do it yet. I mean really who the hell thinks about showering when their entire world just fell apart. And then as soon as I think those thoughts, here come more water works. My eyes literally ache from all the crying I've been doing, but no matter how hard I try I just can't stop. As I curl up in a tighter ball I think to myself that that shower is going to have to wait yet another day.

As I wake up on whatever day this is I notice I feel somewhat better, better as in I don't want to kill myself better that is. I actually manage to walk to the bathroom insteas of my usual crawling method. I look at my reflection in the mirror; needless to say that I look like complete and total shit, what can I say? I'm a woman in mourning. My eyes are beyond bloodshot from my continuous flow of tears, my hair is a tangled mess and my clothes are wrinkled beyond belief, my lips are dry and cracked. I can't remember eating anything since I've been here. I slowly make my way back to my many suitcases and try to gather up the items I need for a shower. I honestly don't remember packing anything, but there is a ton of things stuffed into each bag. I slowly make my way back to the bathroom, I strip down and take one last look at myself in the mirror. I used to be somewhat of an attractive girl, you can't tell it by looking at me now though. I turn on the shower to the hottest setting and step inside.

The scolding hot water stings my skin, but that pain is minute in comparison to the pain I feel in my heart. I finally begin washing myself, this task is harder than I imagined it would be. I decide to wash my hair while I'm in here; despite how tired I am from standing this long, I rinse the shampoo out of my hair and suddenly a memory of a much happier time floods my mind....

~~~~~~ FLASHBACK: 2 YEARS EARLIER ~~~~~~

I'm singing obnoxiously in the shower washing my hair, all of a sudden I feel a pair of hands massaging my scalp. I slightly gasp at my early morning surprise.

"Good morning Baby" he whispers into my ear

Justin turns me around and I take in his perfect naked body; he has that crooked smile on his face and he's staring right into my eyes with those amazing blue orbs.

"Good morning" I say shyly still a little shy about being naked in front of him.

"Don't be shy Mere, it's just me" he says lightly and I slowly begin to relax.

"Close your eyes baby" I do as I'm told as he begins to rinse my hair; a smile creeps on my face and before I know it his lips are planted firmly on mine.

"I love you Amere Renee Timberlake"

~~~~~~ END OF FLASHBACK ~~~~~~

I don't know how or when, but I have managed to become curled up in a ball crying in the shower. I hear something in my room, stupid housekeeping do they not know what 'do not disturb' means? I don't care anymore, they can waste their time making the bed, I'm just gonna crawl right back in it when they leave. I somehow manage to get to my feet again and turn off the water. I don't bother to dry off I just put on a pair of sweats and an old shirt. My hair is still dripping wet, so I wring it out a bit before I open the bathroom door. I am completely prepared to chew out the housekeeper, I open the door about to give her a piece of my mind when I am rendered speechless by the person sitting on my bed----

"Lynn--"

I don't speak to her at first; I just simply stand there in shock.

"Amere, hunny, are you holding up alright?" she asks hesitantly.

I'm not sure how I am supposed to answer such a question. No, I am not fine because your precious Justin can't keep his dick in his pants! Instead of that response I opt for a more generic answer...

"Do I look like I am holding up Lynn?" I am a little irritated at how dumb her question is.

Lynn just sits there fidgeting with her hands; she has yet to look me straight in the eyes.

"I don't know what to say Amere, I didn’t know"

I scoff at her comment

"Trace knew Lynn how could you not know? Justin tells you everything"

She instantly hardens, and her head snaps up at me.

"What do you mean Trace knew?"

"Justin told me Trace knew that the two of them were trying to come up with a wasy for Justin to tell me" I snap.

"Lynn why are you here? I don't know if Justin told you to come or you just felt sorry for me but---"
"Justin doesn't know I'm here Amere, I came for you"

My mouth won't open, I have nothing to say.

"Lynn, if Justin didn't call you--who did?"

"Rachel, she called and told me that you needed me"

Rachel, she is like a sister to me, she was the one who introduced Justin to me. I was not interested in meeting her pop star cousin, but she kept insisting so I finally gave in.

"How does Rachel know?"

Now, I am beginning to think that everyone knew but me, which isn't making me feel any better.

"She was worried when you didn't answer your phone for an entire day. She called Justin to check on you and that's when the shit hit the fan"

"So which one of you found me?" I ask curiously.

That's when I se Lynn smile, she looks at me with a small smile and pats the seat next to her.

"Ooh sweetie, neither one of us found you"

Now I am really confused, if neither of them found me then who the hell---

"Justin found you Amere"

I don't know whether I should be pissed or touched at this point.

"What do you mean Justin found me?"

"The day you left, he and Mike called all over the place looking for you, they went to several places, they eventually found you here. Justin has Mike checking on you to make sure you don't leave without him knowing. He's trying to give you your space, but he wants a chance to talk to you"

I'm glad I 'm sitting down right now, because I am pretty sure I'm about to fall over.

Lynn lets out a long sigh

"He has a horrible way of showing it, but he loves you Amere"

"You don't cheat on people you love Lynn"

She sits there quietly shaking her head

"I can honestly say I don't know what happened to him, I never thought Justin, my son would do something like this. I thought I raised him better."

Its quiet for a few moments, I look over at Lynn to speak, and I notice tears streaming down her face.

"Lynn" I whisper

"I'm sorry Mere, I am soo sorry he did this to you" she cries.

I can't do anything but cry myself. How did this happen? How did one man do so much damage? All I can do is cry in Lynn's arms, I feel so empty. As Lynn holds me there is a soft knock on the door. Lynn goes to answer it. I know something must be wrong because she won't open the door all the way.

"What's wrong Lynn, who is it?"

She opens the door wider in order for me to see...
It’s Trace and my anger rises again.

I think I am literally seeing red right now; I am so irate that I begin to shake. This short-ass Mexican has some big balls to show up here.
“What the hell?!� I scream
Trace is a little nervous I can tell, he hasn’t said anything yet, which is a good thing because if he says anything to me I am liable to go ghetto on his ass!
“I wanted to come check on you; you have been gone for a while. I just wanted to make sure that you were still here�
I am trying to breathe, really I am but I can’t keep my feelings in check.
“You seriously expect me to believe you give a damn about me?� I am officially seeing red right now.
“You sat around with my husband discussing him sleeping with someone other than me! You gave him advice on how he should tell me! You let me look like a complete fool!�
I can in Trace’s face that my words are getting the best of him…he finally opens his mouth to speak
“It’s not what you think, just calm down it’s really no that bad�
Someone please tell me that he did NOT just say that. “Calm down�? Seriously?
“Fuck you, you bastard!-“
“Calm down? Please Trace explain to me why hell I should calm down�
“Because he fucked up ok, he knows it he want to fix this, Mere you haven’t heard the entire story yet, just hear him out-“
“I don’t want to look at him Trace; he is not the man that I married! What kind of husband is he?!�
Look Mere, I have known Justin my entire life, you married him believing you would stay married to him, you owe it to your marriage to try and work this out�
I am beyond fuming at this point, the nerve of this bastard!
“I can’t believe you are gonna stand here and tell me that I owe him! He owes me respect and loyalty, what about that? There were countless times that I layed awake missing him but never did I once go out with someone else, I don’t owe Justin shit!�
Trace has no response for that.
“Amere, I love you like you were my family, I honestly don’t know why he did it, but what I do know is that he regrets it and that he is hurting with you gone�
Why the hell I she telling me all of this shit? I mean really, none of this would be happening if he would keep his dick in his pants!
“Trace, he did this to himself, I couldn’t just say ok and pretend it didn’t just turn my world upside down, he gave me no choice but to leave�
Trace takes a deep breath and he looks straight into my eyes…
“Amere I wouldn’t be asking you to consider talking to him right now I didn’t think you marriage could be saved�
I’m quiet; I am in no mindset to talk to Justin. I don’t want to hear excuse after excuse about why he did it.
“Trace, no ok, I can’t I am so angry, so hurt. It’s taking everything in me not to slap the shit out of you right now!� I snap
Trace’s head hangs low and he just nods at me.
“I understand, but I figured I would give it a shot�
I nod in response, I need to get him out of here, I can’t have him here much longer.
“Can you please leave now Trace� I whisper feeling the lump in my throat grow by the second.
He just stands there for a moment, not sure what to do, I try to wait patiently for him to leave, but he doesn’t appear to be moving.
“Tace---“I choke out
He looks at me with an expression I have never seen before.
“Just to let you know I’m not choosing sides here, I love you both and this entire thing is affecting me too; the thought of you two really being over, hurts�
And with that he leaves; I have no response, I just stand there staring at the spot where he stood trying to figure how the hell my life ended up here.

“Amere, do you want me to get you something to eat?� Lynn asks, this is her attempt to avoid what just took place.
I slowly nod my head ‘no’
“Are you sure? When is the last time you ate?� she whispers, making sure she doesn’t upset me more than I already am.
I shrug my shoulders, who the hell has an appetite when they’re dealing with this shit I am experiencing-no one that’s who.
I love Lynn I really do, but she sure likes to distract people. I just want to be left alone right now and I will never be alone if I don’t get her out of this hotel room.
“Lynn-can you go to Albert’s and pick up some cookie dough ice cream for me?�
She smiles brightly like it’s the best news she has had all day, which sadly might actually be true.
“Of course, do you want anything else?�
I shake my head ‘no’ and she grabs her purse… “Ok, if you think of anything, just call me-ok?�
“Ok� I say attempting my first smile in ages.
As she goes down the hall, I try to rid myself of one more person-Mike.
As I turn around to re-enter my room, I am met with a 6’6 375lb black man; also known as Mike.
“Mike, what are you doing here?� I snap.
“I’m looking out for you Mrs. Timberlake; I have strict orders from Justin to never let you out of my sight�
I take in a deep breath….
“Ms. Thomas is my name Mike, and I’m sure Justin gave you such strict orders so I wouldn’t catch him with his dick in some 18 year old whore� I spat.
My attitude doesn’t phase him, he’s seen me at my worst….he is handling this like a pro, which of course he is. Mike has dealt with so many crazy fans its unreal. Those girls will do anything to get to Justin.
“You’re still Mrs. Timberlake Amere, and if I have anything to say about it, you will remain Mrs. Timberlake� he says looking me straight in my eyes, he’s serious; he’s not playing any games here. I can’t honestly tell you how I feel about it, do I really wanted to be married to someone who cheated on me? ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater right?�
“Look Mike, that’s enough shit for one day!�
He’s growing impatient with me I can’t tell by the way he shakes his head.
“Amere listen, yes Justin did screw up, but it could have been worse, he came to his senses, I if he really didn’t love you, then what the hell am I here for?�
I can’t look at him, for fear of tears falling down my face, for the millionth time.
“Let me in the room Mike� I whisper.
He sighs, but he steps away from the door. I finally get into the room and crawl back into the one place I feel safe—the bed.
Why does everyone keep telling me that it’s not that bad? And what the hell was Mike getting at when he said ‘Justin cam to his senses? Too many questions to process right now.
********************Mike’s Conversation*********************************
“Hey Trace man, did you not tell Amere anything; does she know what happened that night with Jessica?�
“Well someone needs to her---no I didn’t; you need to get Justin up here soon�
As I lay here wishing I never met Justin, the woman that gave him life enters the room, ice cream in hand.
“Are you tired sweetheart? I tried to hurry but traffic was horrible�
“I’m a little tired Lynn, thanks for going to get my ice cream�
Lynn just smiled, I know that smile, Justin used to smile at me like that, but at some point I was no longer good enough to make him smile like that. I know I need to stop thinking about it because I will start crying. I must have just let a few tears drop because Lynn is now wiping them away while trying not to cry herself.
“I’m sorry Lynn, I saw your smile and---“
“It’s alright Mere, I understand�
I smile sheepishly at her, its funny how close we have become over the years, when Justin and I first began dating; I was definitely not on Lynn’s good side. She didn’t hate me, but she sure was suspicious. Justin only dated A-list celebrities who had their own money. Then here I come making $60,000 which is good for the average Joe, but pennies compared to Justin’s money. She definitely had her eye on me. After the first year, she warmed up to me and we have become really close. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a cell phone ringing.
“Hold on a sec� she whispers
I can tell by the pained look on her face that it’s Justin. She lets out a long sigh before answering.
“Hello�
“So I’ve heard, what seems to be the problem?�
Her lips are pursed and she is slightly gritting her teeth, she is not happy with him and I know he can tell.
I’m not exactly sure what he just said but I’m pretty sure he just summarized the story because her eyes are huge, her neck red….yep she is beyond pissed right now.
“Randall, I’m not sure what to say right now, I’m ashamed of you, you have no idea what you’ve done—“
“That one time was one time too many---I’m not sure how you can fix this either�
She takes another shaky breath
“I’ve gotta go Randy, I’ll call you when I’m ready to speak to you� and with that she hangs up.
She turns around to face me….
“I’m sorry about that� she whispers
“He’s still your son Lynn� I try to reason with her
“That man that did this to you is NOT my son!� she mutters
Next, thing I know, Lynn is on the bed next to me stroking my hair as I lay here crying myself to sleep. How can one person make me feel so bad I wonder, how can the man I pledged to spend the rest of my life do this to the woman he claimed to love? I never knew love could hurt this bad…